#Single-romance Lounge

2125 messages · Page 3 of 3 (latest)

flint pier
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Exactlyyyy

wary surge
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sup

marble rose
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What’s a relationship?

flint pier
marble rose
flint pier
quasi tinsel
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It’s a learning experience that’s a relationship

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Nobody’s perfect

little grove
severe cloud
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Also swiftReally

severe cloud
warm blade
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I think I'm in love

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With cooking. Not eating, not even food necessarily. Just cooking, the activity. And coffee. Whenever I do any of those, I just feel better, and the emotion is similar to the emotion I feel when I'm in an established relationship. Satisfaction, comfort, groundedness. Not that super transient giddy feeling, which is great and all, but just satisfaction.

strong swallow
# severe cloud https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTREwrv1B/

He says some good stuff, but I have one problem with it -- he blames social media. I think people themselves need to be blamed, tbh. We've created our own ''cesspool'' because a lot more people started to focus on sex solely and then moving on.

severe cloud
strong swallow
severe cloud
keen tendon
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She says "it's not ok to leave a man just because you think you deserve to be happy" lol that's kinda messed up. Everyone deserves to seek out happiness and if a relationship isn't making you happy, it should be reevaluated. Not sure that clip is good advice, man.

severe cloud
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It's coming from a woman with experience, so swiftWait

wary surge
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damn

keen tendon
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Her experience is her own, doesn't mean it is good advice for anyone else

severe cloud
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Just sharing it, that's all

little grove
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The tension is thick here

keen tendon
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I just think telling people to stay in a relationship where they are not happy is bad advice. Being single shouldn't be something to be feared. There is so much more to a relationship than just finding someone who doesn't cheat. That's not even the bare minimum for a good relationship

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And I personally enjoy being single. Much better than a relationship where you aren't happy. Those are emotionally draining

severe cloud
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Good to know 👍

severe cloud
warm blade
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Yeah but the thing is, relationships aren’t about happiness. They’re about fulfillment. If you are in a serious relationship, you need to understand happiness is not the main goal. Happiness is transient, happiness comes and goes regardless of your romantic attachments. A good relationship is one that leaves you fulfilled, one that is always progressing, one that always recovers, even though it may sometimes cause pain to one or both parties.

Yes relationships are hard. They can be draining at times. But a good relationship will build you up, even if it sometimes causes you unhappiness. Focusing only on happiness will, oddly, leave you unhappy most often, and will always leave you unsatisfied. Look for fulfillment, and you will end up being happy, and what’s better, you will be satisfied.

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This is, of course, just my opinion. But it’s not based off of nothing, it’s based off of experience. When in my life I search for happiness, I am always left unsatisfied and unhappy. When I search for fulfillment, I am often satisfied and happy.

strong swallow
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@warm blade Relationships should add to your overall happiness, however.

warm blade
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Overall, yes. They shouldn’t lead to a net loss of happiness. But overall happiness can’t be easily determine in a short period of time. I think that’s what she’s saying in the video. Your happiness right now isn’t necessarily your happiness tomorrow, next week, next month, etc. so it’s always best to wait until you have a better reason than happiness alone. Because again, happiness is transient. It takes a long time to figure out if something is affecting your overall happiness. Sometimes many months

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But yeah do not hear me saying that you need to stay in a relationship that is negatively affecting your long term mental health, that’s not at all what I’m saying

severe cloud
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Happiness will never be constant, that's for sure

warm blade
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Chasing something transient will have you blown around by the winds of emotion

strong swallow
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People sometimes can grow apart - should they stay together for the sake of staying together? Because their partner is a "good person"?

severe cloud
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Every situation is different so that depends really

warm blade
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Yeah I’d say in that case it’s a judgment call, it should be thoroughly talked out. Often times, when people grow apart, it’s the result of a communication breakdown. One or both parties hasn’t fully committed to the relationship, so once the giddiness wears off, it takes commitment that one or both parties don’t have. That often results in a communication breakdown. They grow apart. Almost always that’s what happens when people grow apart. If that is the case, a serious conversation needs to be had, depending on how serious the relationship is already, to determine whether or not both parties are truly committed to the relationship. If either party is not committed to the relationship? Then it is perfectly reasonable, and often healthy, to separate.

Non-commitment is an infinitely better reason to separate than “I’m not happy right now”

keen tendon
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I think its kinda more of a guy thing to put keeping a relationship going before their own or their partners happiness.

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Also, I think that it's fine to not always be happy in relationships or when single. That's life, but you always want to be moving towards happiness. If a relationship is no longer moving towards a place that brings you happiness, then you are looking at a future of unhappiness

flint pier
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lets get romanticle up in here

warm blade
keen tendon
warm blade
# keen tendon I think its kinda more of a guy thing to put keeping a relationship going before...

Also idk, I have seen both women and men do that. I’m entirely the opposite, even to a fault. I think it’s more of a correlation with mental health than anything. People who have abandonment issues, self esteem issues, or other chronic mental health problems are more likely to stay in a relationship when they know it’s damaging than people who are mentally healthy/stable.

It says a lot about a person if they are able to 1) recognize and explain that a relationship is non-beneficial, and 2) subsequently separate themselves from that relationship

keen tendon
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Hm.. maybe.

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However, research shows that men are happier and live longer when married whereas women are happier and live longer when single.

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I think the study was done on divorcees

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So that may color it slightly

warm blade
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I don’t know the study, so I can’t comment. If it was a study based in America, there is absolutely an explainable reason why divorced women fare better than divorced men in the long term mental health department Kappa

severe cloud
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Ya

keen tendon
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Yeah it's because of the emotional and household labor costs of a marriage for women

warm blade
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Or because divorces, as a standing rule, go the woman’s way unless overwhelming evidence to the opposite is brought forward

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That’s not what the discussion is about, we could go around and around on how to interpret divorce data.

severe cloud
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True

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I seen a video one time, where a girl was trying to make her dude hit him, just so she could win custody of the kids

keen tendon
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disagree

warm blade
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I’ve seen stuff like that, but I’ve also seen stuff where the men do the same thing.

keen tendon
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Well if he hit her than ya, don't want kids around an abuser

severe cloud
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He never hit her tho, he actually won the custody

warm blade
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W self-restraint

keen tendon
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So it seems he faired better in the divorce

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If he wanted custody

warm blade
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Again, overwhelming evidence

severe cloud
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^

keen tendon
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Lots of men don't want full custody

warm blade
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There’s a video showing her intentionally antagonizing him, and him showing restraint. That’s massive evidence that he is a better, more mature guardian

warm blade
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That’s a huge issue too.

keen tendon
# warm blade ^This^

Ya they want only every other weekends and holidays to be the cool parent while their ex wives raise their children and they don't pay child support

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About 30% of child support goes unpaid each year

severe cloud
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It's cause tho men work, so most of the time they not around, as for the woman she usually goes back to the parents

warm blade
severe cloud
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Not in all cases, but some cases...

warm blade
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Anyways anyways, we’re getting off topic. We’re not here to nitpick divorce.

severe cloud
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I was gonna say...

keen tendon
warm blade
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Relationships are very complex organisms. They require a lot of moving parts (Kappa) and oftentimes, men and women follow a similar framework of what roles each one plays. It’s definitely not set in stone, nor is it prescriptive, nor is it without exception, but regardless. All the roles in a relationship have to be filled by someone, and when the person who holds a specific role in a specific relationship lets down that role, the relationship suffers. That’s the “work” part of relationships. Especially serious relationships. They take time, they take commitment, they take effort. Also communication of course. No serious relationship can survive without time, commitment, communication, and effort from both parties.

warm blade
keen tendon
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That is a blog. However, for a research article:

severe cloud
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Thought we were done with divorce stuff frogWorry

flint pier
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wha happenin-?

keen tendon
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The key takeaway being: " these findings suggest that men’s disproportionate strain of divorce is transient, whereas women’s is chronic."

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Sorry, I don't like when people disagree with me when I am right and have research to prove it

severe cloud
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Everyone has their own opinions and I'm sure there are numerous articles around claiming different sides/different factors...

keen tendon
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Lies like, "divorces, as a standing rule, go the woman’s way unless overwhelming evidence to the opposite is brought forward" are harmful stereotypes and are spreading misinformation

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Courts do their best to be fair and equitable.

severe cloud
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Each is dealt with case by case.. no one said this happens all the time

keen tendon
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That was a direct quote

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from earlier in the convo

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I copy pasted it

severe cloud
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... anyways

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I made this forum for a different reason.. not divorce

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Not trying to be rude, but..

keen tendon
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If people start blaming women for things, Imma stand up for them.

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This isn't a place to spread misinformation either

severe cloud
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That's up to u

keen tendon
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Ummmmmm

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No i am stopping the misinformation

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I brought studies

warm blade
severe cloud
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Smh

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I'm done with this topic

warm blade
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Regardless. This is not the place.

warm blade
keen tendon
warm blade
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I’m done talking about it lol

strong swallow
severe cloud
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Think imma redo this

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Too much stuff that don't belong.. swiftReally

flint pier
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hiiii

severe cloud
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Say bye to this place

flint pier
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noooooooo

severe cloud
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There's a new one don't worry

flint pier
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nu

neon pebble
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Sup

calm acorn