#📣breaking-news

1 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

unique thornBOT
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Adventurers' Guild Commission Board
Commissions #6 to #9: Missing.

Commission Details
Hello! This is to inform all members of the Adventurers' Guild that the following individuals have been reported missing: Timmy, Traveler, a strange purple creature, and some guests.

For more information, please look below.

1. Lost Timmy!

Last seen: Mondstadt main bridge
Owner: @royal karma

Brief description:
Hello...I'm Timmy and I lost my pet named Timmie. It's like Timmothy without the oth. He's purple and likes pigeons! I lost him on the bridge while getting something for the pigeons, and I think he's quite scared right now... But mommy says that as long as you love the world, no animals will be scared of you! So surely you all can help me!

Reward: Bread (for the pigeons)
:Timmy:

2. WHERE ARE YOU TRAVELER??

Last seen: In Inazuma
Missing report filed by: Venti & @pure echo

**Brief description: **
The Traveler has blonde hair and was last seen in Inazuma. I am desperately seeking them out since they hold my last bottle of Dandelion Wine. This is an urgent matter—it must be returned to me at once!

Reward: A poem by yours truly!
:Really:

3. Missing Science Experiment

** Last seen:** A small laboratory outpost in Dragonspine
Missing report filed by: Albedo & @wanton pecan

Brief description:
These purple creatures were last seen in my lab. They must have escaped while I was away. Luckily, I do not believe these creatures to be harmful. However, they are always in a state of panic, so it will be fairly easy to see if they are still alive when found.

**Reward: **Sunshine Sprat & a fragment of Prithiva Topaz
:panic:

4. MISSING GUEST

Last seen: Outside the skirts of Mondstadt
Missing report filed by: Lawrence & @clear osprey

Brief description:
This certain guest and their friend arrived in Mondstadt not too long ago. Recently, we have not seen them around... and there are rumors they have taken off to fight some sort of enemy. So, please do keep an eye out for a pink haired girl with turquoise eyes, and a boy with black shaggy hair and blue eyes.

Reward: Valberry (x4) & Philanemo Mushroom (x4)
:02shrug:

New emotes added!
unique thornBOT
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Adventurers' Guild Internal Review
Investigation Report #8:

Hahaha! Hey, guys! Uhhh, sorry it took me so long to get back, I lost my way in a domain after figuring out the chest was a bluff...

I ended up getting stuck in there for a couple more days. But luckily I had some extra food packed! Well, I did... but some Hilichurls found my food and got most of it!

After a few days, I finally escaped the deadly rooms of the domain, and was on my way to the Cathedral when a piece of paper hit my head. It was mostly trashed but it had a few things written in it that I thought were worth reporting.

Report Details

After buying all the coffins, and running out of money, #home-of-hutaos-harem has changed to #5wirl-studio, I heard this group is famous for moving with the wind, but be careful! In this kind of wind, it's easy to get hit in the head by flying rocks.

Oh! and there's a self-proclaimed queen who built her cafe... er...kingdom...? up from the ground of #wiki-cafe, it is now called #queen-ravens-cafe-kingdom, Haha! Fischl will love hearing about this!

Lastly...#scaramouche-when-fandango started up a party! it is now #goofy-goobers-ice-cream-party-boat, I like ice cream! but it always melts so I could never eat it... Haha ah well!

Hey, uh, has anyone seen sister Barbara around?
unique thornBOT
#
Adventurers' Guild Commission Board
Commissions #9-12: Strange events

Commission Details
Hello! This is to inform all members of the Adventurers Guild that there has been a recent uptick of reports regarding some strange events happening across Mondstat, Liyue, and Inazuma. So we need support from all the Guild members in the regions mentioned, to keep and eye out and to help investigate the strange events.

For more information, please look below.

1. Gone mad

**Last seen: **Near Wangsheng Funeral Parlor, Liyue.
**Reported by: **@slender lion & Zhongli, employees of Wangsheng Funeral Parlor.

Detailed report:
Hello. This report is dedicated to the current owner of the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor, Hu Tao. The child seems to be laughing and wheezing uncontrollably. We do not see what there is to laugh about. It has been like this for 3 days, just non stop laughter. It's getting quite unbearable, every costumer we meet we must apologize for her behavior. She's also been going around and laughing, and we worry that she might get herself into trouble. Please help us if you can.

Reward: N/A
:HuTaoWheeze:

2. Should I check?

**Last seen: **In papers, scattered around Liyue.
**Reported by: ** @nimble surge, a Liyue citizen.

Detailed report:
Hello, recently I've been seeing these "CHECK THE WIKI" flyers. At first I didn't really mind, but recently I've been seeing these flyers scattered across Liyue, and even in front of my shop! I have been seeing so much of these flyers to the point I started collecting them and was able to get a room full of these flyers! I'm not sure if I should be checking this "wiki", but I don't want to put myself in any risk. Which is why I'm making this report.

Reward: Philomena Mushrooms (x5) & Iron ore (2x)
:CheckTheWiki:

3. Unknown

**Last seen: ** At Tsukumomono Groceries, Inazuma.
**Reported by: ** @rustic quest & Aoi, assistant and owner of Tsukumomono Groceries

Detailed report:
Hello! We filed for this report because recently a certain combat designer working at HoYoverse has been going to our shop and asking for a Pai...mon? They just said that it's a flying doll that makes noises. Honestly I'm not sure what it even is, but they have been asking for it a lot recently. I even consulted my sources and theres nothing about a "Paimon". I also noticed them asking other shops such as Yayoi Lacquerware. I only reported this because they seem quite eager to catch this creature. So it's better to report this now, then for this to possibly become an issue in the future.

Reward: 10% off discount in Tsukumomono Groceries
:Yangshen:

4. Tako apocalypse

**Last seen: **Near Mondstat Research Lab.
**Reported by: ** @crimson rune, a fellow researcher in Mondstat.

Detailed report:
Hello, recently I've been researching on these species called "tako's" and I was able to successfully duplicate them without any difficulty. But in the process of making them, there was a few errors resulting the machine to malfunction. Because of this, there are now over 100 ''tako's'' released into Mondstat. We do not yet know what they're capable of. So if you do end up seeing one, please report it or catch it with a fishing net if possible.

Reward: Windwheel Aster (x5) & Cecilia (x2)
:tako:

New emotes added!
unique thornBOT
#
Adventurers' Guild Internal Review
Investigation Report #9:

Um... Oz?

Oz: Yes, mein Fräulein?

Is it just me, or did something weird happen—Ah, e-ehem!

My loyal retainers! It has come to my attention that the many brave heroes of this world have been traveling off to far away lands. Of course, it is I, the Prinzessin, who is the most excited to see what treasures they bring back from outside Teyvat!

Oz: Lately, we've seen quite a few Travelers sporting "Weenie Hut Jr." hats.

Ah! But alas, they have seemingly left this child behind... Little one, are you lost?

Oz: Hm? Isn't that "child" none other than Morax himself—

(Cutting him off in a hurried whisper) O-oz! Of course not, this is but a normal child!

A-ahem! The Prinzessin der Verurteilung—responsible as I am—shall find a suitable place for this child to stay until his caretakers pick him up once more.

Oz: Best of luck, mein Fräulein.

Report Details

From my investigations, the following changes were observed:
#queen-ravens-cafe-kingdom —> super-weenie-hut-jrs
#goofy-goobers-ice-cream-party-boat —> mini-morax-daycare
#5wirl-studio —> #alatus-chat

It seems that the Conqueror of Demons himself is leading Mini Morax Daycare.
unique thornBOT
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**Happy 2nd Anniversary Genshin!**

Like fleeting colors in flight, another year has passed in the blink of an eye and here we are celebrating two years in Teyvat~

Why not sit back and relax with Osmanthus wine in hand, as your very own community moderators bring you a special musical tribute to celebrate the past year - both good and bad. Have a wonderful anniversary Travelers, and stay safe in your adventures in Sumeru.

I'm sure we'll all breathe a sigh of relief - when September ends.

Proudly brought to you by @mint coyote @stiff vapor @winged anchor, with special thanks to @crimson snow @chilly carbon

Surprise!
unique thornBOT
#
Adventurers' Guild Internal Review
Investigation Report #10:

Phew! The commissions sure have gotten a lot longer, and we need a lot of manpower across different regions. So Fischl had to go to Sumeru in the meantime. But don't fret, she left her trusty bird- I mean, "Her most esteemed companion" to help me!

Oz: You are lucky mein Fräulein is not here currently, she would've given you a mouthful.

Don't worry, Fischl is my best Adventure bud, she knows I got her back!

Oz: Alas, she let me accompany you to make sure your negative luck won't overcome you. Do not worry, you will be protected, as per mein Fräulein's request.

Heh! My bad luck follows me everywhere…it can't be escaped. But I appreciate you joining me this time!

Oz: Of course. Now, would you like to go ahead and submit the report?

Yeah, let's go!

Report Details

Abnormal Activity has been detected in the following areas:
#alatus-chat has been changed to #degenerates, I wonder what's there… I think I'll stay away from it...

#super-weenie-hut-jrs has been closed due to it being bought by Snezhnayan diplomats, changing the shop name to #il-dottore-diner, that name is familiar... Are they a dentist?

And finally, #mini-morax-daycare quit being a daycare, instead finding their love for farming, opening up #valberry-valley.

Oh! Looks like I have to follow Fischl to Sumeru, I wonder what adventure's we'll have there! See ya!
unique thornBOT
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Adventurers' Guild Commission Board
Commissions #13-15: Tricks and Copium...

Commission Details:
Hello to all of the members of the Adventurers' Guild! Hope you are having a wonderful day so far.

So regarding this commission, there has been suspicious activity all around Inazuma involving a certain "imposter." It was reported that they were seen holding some gas called "Copium", and something else called "Thopium." Very concerning, so if you do have the time, please help us investigate this situation.

For more information, please look below.

1. Pick your Thopium.

Last seen: In Ritou, Inazuma.
Reported by: @visual knoll & Nakano, two of the Ritou guards.

Detailed report:
Hello... we don't mean to disturb you all, but this matter is quite important. It seems that there is an imposter pretending to be the fixer! We have personally contacted Thoma, and received confirmation that it is not him. The imposter was last seen in Ritou asking people which one was better, their "Thopium" or "Copium." So we ask for this case to be investigated, since all they've been doing is just bothering people around Ritou!

Reward: Amakumo Fruit (x4) & Sango Pearl (x4)
:Thopium:

2. She picked Thopium.

Last seen: In Inazuma City.
Reported by: @visual knoll & Kojou Sara.

Detailed report:
Hello, I am here in behalf of Kujou Sara, general of the Tenryou Commission. Recently, this "imposter" that has been going around has unfortunately tricked her. She picked Thopium thinking they would go away, but she suddenly felt odd. But by the time we realized that she was not herself, the imposter had ran away. She told me to run here and make a report to say that if you pick one of Imposter's options, you will be faced with a series of uncontrollable, negative emotions. So we hope you will be able to catch them with this information.

Reward: Crystal Marrow (x15)
:Saradge:

3. Copium.

Last seen: In Grand Narakumi Shrine, Inazuma.
Reported by: @visual knoll & Maki, the Shrine Maiden.

Detailed report:
Greetings, we are here to report about this "Thopium Imposter." Well, they seem to have given the Head Shrine Maiden, Yae Miko, one of the options called "Copium." So now for some reason, she's been smiling a lot... more than usual. When we confronted her about it, she said the Imposter did it and knew what the Imposter was gonna do next. The Imposter will be traveling to Konda Village to influence more people, so please catch them now before it's too late.

Reward: Dendrobium (x4) & Lavender Melon (x4)
:WidePeepoYae:

New emotes added!
unique thornBOT
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Akademiya Public Message Board

Notice: The Akademiya has seen an increasing amount of Outsiders entering Sumeru city.

Per the rules and the will of the Dendro Archon, each individual is required to wear an Akasha Terminal. It will help you navigate the City and its surroundings, as well as all of Sumeru.

With that said, we hope you enjoy your time in Sumeru City.

Come to the Café, to drink a cup of coffee~

Someday, we'll have our last conversation, and drink our last cup of coffee... #comfy-café (Previously known as #il-dottore-diner), it's the best place to be! Everything is well for a nice cup of tea! A wine or a song, comfort is what everyone will agree! So, my dear friend, won't you come and join me? GRAND REOPENING!

Life blooms like a YATTA

Hello there, are you looking for enlightenment? Did you have a passion for Valberries but got bored? Look no further than #honkai-gif-chat (previously known as #valberry-valley)! Through the power of the miraculous Akasha, we have developed the technology of Graphics Interchange Format, where you can display moving images. Isn't that exciting! You will be able to learn many things that are out of this world (literally!) and access the hilarious yet life-changing media the Akademiya does not possess in their database. How did we gain access to this media you say? Well, that's a secret~ But sometimes, ignorance is bliss.

Lookin' for some fun?

Come on down to #5wirl-studio!! Most of our regulars know us by #degenerates, but we are that no more! Are you looking for the most exquisite art? Do you want to educate yourself in the art of... ART?!? Do not worry anymore! Here in #5wirl-studio, we have an art gallery drawn by the best artists that ever stepped foot in Sumeru. Where are we located exactly? Just go down the corridor that leads to the Grand Bazaar, you will find us there!

Glory to the Greater Lord Rukkhadevata!
unique thornBOT
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Found Treasure~

Genshin Impact Tavern Notice: ⚠️

Attention Travelers! Recently, a red treasure chest has been discovered!

Investigation has already started, and it was found at 9 AM, with no one else around the area. It seems that the treasure box hasn't been here for long.

During the investigation we noticed that there was a lock on the treasure chest. But luckily, we were able to find the key right away. We then proceeded with caution and saw that the treasure box contained the following:

Mora, Primogems, Geo Sigils, Dendro Sigils, and a scroll.

We then opened the scroll and we found that it contained multiple paragraph about the 3.1 Phase 2 Banners! Here are some of the highlighted sentences in the scroll:

"As I write this, just know that it's gone... My money is gone! Each and every penny in my savings is gone, but yet still no Albedo or Nilou."

"To the people who find this. I wish you luck, and hope we can meet soon. Who knows? Maybe I'll see you around the Tavern."

With this, that is all for todays announcement! We wish you good luck, and hope that your wallet will still be intact by the end of the banner. Happy wishing!

We wish you the best of luck.
unique thornBOT
#
Akademiya Public Message Board

Mahamata Notice: Due to recent events, we will be investigating and and reviewing each message carefully, ensuring they stay up to the Akademiya's standards.
Matra Notice: Please be aware that posts not in line with the Akademiya's vision of "Wisdom" are strictly prohibited.

Some of the information below has been redacted. We hope you are enjoying your stay in Sumeru City.

Song of Life

He was originally born to be a vessel for a "heart."
But he shed tears in his dreams.
His creator observed thus:
He was too fragile, whether it be as a human or as a tool.
The beautiful puppet awoke and began his wanderings.
He observed many a heart,
Good ones, upright ones, strong ones, gentle ones...
The puppet, too, desired a heart.

#church-of-scaramouche (Previously known as #5wirl-studio), we open our hearts for the [REDACTED], for his doom... Is eternal.

Protocol one: link to Pilot. Protocol two: uphold the mission. Protocol three: protect the Pilot.

So, you think you got what it takes to be a pilot? ... Haha, don't worry. I'm just messing with ya. It's our welcoming ceremony for rookies here in #scaramouche-mecha-evolution (Previously known as #honkai-gif-chat).

There is but one step you have to take: Trust me. In the depths of Sumeru, you will find hidden stones that have been wielded by Hollowed Knights of Khaenri'ah. These stones are called Mecha Stones (Also known as [REDACTED]), containing Mecha Energy. To put simply, all you have to do is insert these stones in your lifeless puppets and they will be flooded with the power of the ancients. Now go forth and unleash your MEGA EVO- I mean MECHA EVOLUTION!

Open for Business!

Tired of working endlessly on your thesis with little to no reward? Does the life of an Akademiya student exhaust you day to day? Well, look no further:

#pyrrah’s-headpat-headquarters (previously #comfy-café) has opened its doors for students, travelers, and Sumeru citizens alike! Do yourself a favor and stop in for a visit. Everyone needs some encouragement now and then! The staff are friendly, and customer care is top-tier.

Note: This business flyer has been approved for posting by the Mahamata.

Glory to the Greater Lord Rukkhadevata!
unique thornBOT
#
What a Treat! 🍬

Genshin Impact Tavern Notice: ⚠️

As Halloween ends, comes in more surprises!

Today is finally the day that everyone can get these characters! There has already been a few people who have gotten these cards, especially the "Queen of the Summer Festival" one. But only a few have gotten the "Lesser Lord Kusanali" card.

Here are some statements made by the public:

"I GOT BOTH, I GOT BOTH UNDER 90 WISHES"- Someone really lucky.

"Guys, I got Qiqi..." - A new Qiqi main.

Bye I gotta go, I have no cards and no money." - Someone with no cards.

If you want a chance in getting them, you should go to Genshin Impact, you may have a chance on getting these cards! But be careful! A lot of citizens were reported to have empty wallets by then end of Phase 1.

Good luck everyone, and we wish you well on your wishing journey!

Don't forget to submit your halloween pumpkins, and good luck~
unique thornBOT
#
Adventurers' Guild Commission Board
Commissions #16-19: New adventures

Commission Details
Hello Guild members~
Here is today Commissions. So far there has just been several reports about some missing things and some sightings. We need Guild members from Mondstat, Liyue, Inazuma, and Sumeru to check in. Thank you and good luck.

For more information, please look below.

1. An Artist's collection.

Last seen: At Starsnatch Cliff
Reported by: Chief Alchemist Albedo, & the Artist, @arctic birch.

Detailed report:
Hello! I was with Albedo a few days ago and was showing him this painting I drew recently. And I made the mistake of leaving at the Starsnatch Cliff, and when I went back it was gone. Please help me find my one of a kinds art piece please! It is very valuable.

Reward: (2x) Woodland Dream, & (10x) Apples
:SignoraCope:

The Artist did a wonderful job in creating this piece~
2. Staring Contest...

Last seen: Gandha Hill, Sumeru
Reported by: @marsh mirage & Yavanani, the Researchers.

Detailed report:
Hello! My friend and I were going around Gandha Hill, and noticed this elephant just staring at the water... We ended up going closer to it and checking on it. But despite us even poking at it, it didn't even blink! I hope you guys can send someone over to check on it. Thank you!

Reward: (4x) Lunar Lotus & (3x) Kalpalata
:whar:

3. The luck of the wind~

Last seen: near Komore Teahouse, Inazuma City
Reported by: @narrow rune & Yukio

Detailed report:
Hello. We were recently just in Inazuma City and playing this game called "Genshin Impact" on our device. After wishing many times, we got a 5 star! But after cheering, someone just took our device and ran away so fast. It's like they just disappeared into thin air.. But we do know that the person who stole it had white hair with a red streak. They probably saw our characters and was jealous! Anyways, please give us back our device.

Reward: N/A
:KazuWish:

4. Dance Battle.

Last seen: Liyue Harbor
Reported by: @static reef & Clerk Zhao

Detailed report:
Hey, so yesterday night we saw Beidou around Liyue Harbor and saw her swaying a lot, and it seems like she was drunk. Live VERY drunk I think. Because she ended up having a dance battle with Yun Jin, and safe to say... Yun Jin won. We would just like someone to check up on Beidou, cause after the battle she just walked away somewhere. So hopefully she's safe...

Reward: (2x) Grilled Tiger Fish
:beidoublushing:

unique thornBOT
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Akademiya Public Message Board

Mahamata Notice: We deeply apologize for the delay of the current messages, we have encountered an internal problem, and it will be resolved.

Hey, lookin for sum fun?

Greetings Wanderers!

Welcome to #the-genshin-impact-tavern!(Previously known as #pyrrah’s-headpat-headquarters) The one and only Tavern in Sumeru!
Come on in and brag about your latest artifacts and bounty hunting! Discuss your favorite Eremite mercenaries! (It's Dehya)

Interact with other Wanderers and share the fun of pure kek-ery moments you had in this land of wisdom! I am your host, dubious emergency food. I hope you enjoy your stay!

This poster remains the same.

Perhaps you could give #scaramouche-mecha-evolution a more unique name~
More info [here.](#bot-features message)

A dance of sugary fire and timid thunder... with a twist

Another day, another mystery to solve. It all started 3 days ago, a rainy day with thunder quiet as the hopes of pulling a 5*, and the disappearance of the urge to bark. #pyro-sucrose-x-baals-the-degen-that-disappeared (Previously known as #church-of-scaramouche, where it all began.)
The residents are acting strange, they're being... normal. As if they're possessed by a good will. We will get to the bottom of this, starting with this spicy sugar cube.

Glory to the Greater Lord Rukkhadevata!
unique thornBOT
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Genshin Impact at The Game Awards!

Greetings, Travelers!
As many of you might have already heard of, Genshin Impact has been nominated for Best Mobile Game and Best Ongoing Game at The Game Awards!

Show your love and support by voting for Genshin Impact at both categories~!
• Best Mobile Game: Vote
• Best Ongoing Game: Vote

The Game Awards airs live on <t:1670545800:f> (<t:1670545800:R>)

See you at the premiere!
unique thornBOT
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Akademiya Public Message Board

Mahamata Notice: Due to recent events, the message board will be accepting a new variety of posts. This does not exempt from any illegal activities, you will still be punished for that.

A special occasion

Are you feeling hungry? Is your tummy feeling the rumblies? You've come to the right place!
Here at #dragoonlagoons-all-you-can-eat-buffet (previously known as #the-genshin-impact-tavern) we have all kind of delicacies you can eat... FOR FREE! A generous anonymous donor paid for the fees, and he had one request: "Let the people of Sumeru enjoy the feasts, with no limitations. That is what the Lesser Lord would've wanted."
We will make this wish become reality to the fullest. This is the least we can do after the torture Kusanali endured.
Invite your friends, grab a plate, and have fun!

The defrosting has begun

#hashire-sori-yo-kaze-no-you-ni-tsukimihara-wo-padoru-padoru! (Previously known as scaramouche-mecha-evolution)
Howdy there! Do you know what's coming soon?
ME NEITHER!
I was instructed to wear all red and go singing happily this tune! I don't know why, but it's making me happy to see everyone laugh!
I put up this poster here to invite others and sing with me! Come on, wear a cute hat and pick a red dress, so we can sing along~

The art of the walnut

Rumors has it that there's 2 individuals in town, with remarkable personalities. One converts anyone and everyone they meet into a worshipper of some sorts; when asked about it, they answer with 1 word... "The Walnut." No one really knows what or who the Walnut is, but the worshippers seem friendly, so we let them be. The second one is the same as the first, very few words spoken, but everyone is lured by the finest of arts they create, possibly in all of Sumeru. They wish no harm, all they want is to make others happy.
#kameal-x-acux( Previously known as#pyro-sucrose-x-baals-the-degen-that-disappeared) is where they are most commonly found, how about striking a friendly conversation with the other people there?

Stay wild, moon child

Hey. Have you ever heard the howling of a wolf? Very few people ever heard it. In Sumeru, we do not have wolves, but we have the technology. We have requested aid from the akademiya to help us travel to Mondstadt to acquire samples of voice-recorded howls, which will be broadcasted in #beans-omega-howling-radio. That way, more people will experience these magnificent sounds.

Glory to the Lesser Lord Kusanali!
unique thornBOT
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Akademiya Public Message Board

Mahamata Notice: We have constructed a new way to put up the posters for reviewing, please head over to [#server-updates](#📣server-updates message) for more info.

A place to relax

Hey there! how you bean? I hope you're doing fine reading this poster!
Maybe you can be better if you hang out with us over at #beans-furry-hangout (previously known as #dragoonlagoons-all-you-can-eat-buffet). Our establishment is different from anywhere else in these lands. WE OFFER FREE BEANS! With each order, you will get 1 can of bean placed on the order, free of charge. Lured ya in, right? We'll see you there! Thank you furry much for reading~

This poster remains the same.

Perhaps you could give #hashire-sori-yo-kaze-no-you-ni-tsukimihara-wo-padoru-padoru
a unique name~

All aboard the S.S!

Sup, you new here? looking for excitement? Sumeru may have all the wisdom and philosophies, but that's boring! Here at #5wirl-studio (previously known as #kameal-x-acux), we have the most exquisite materials to fill your need!

This poster remains the same

Perhaps you could give #beans-omega-howling-radio a unique name~

Glory to the Lesser Lord Kusanali!
unique thornBOT
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Adventurers' Guild Commission Board
Commissions #20- 23: A Series of Emotions.

Commission Details
Hello, hello, hello to our Guild members~
It's been a while. To get back on track, here are the commissions for today. Here in Liyue we have 2 special guests~
Both guests have 1 commission each, and you may look below for more details. As for the other commissions, they are somewhat connected to the other 2 commissions, so please read all the commission details carefully.

For more information, please look below.

1. Where did it go??

Last seen: Liyue Habor
Reported by: @sour birch

Detailed report:
Hello, we are filing a report for a lost item, more specifically a picture. It's a picture of the fixer, Thoma. We came all the way from Inazuma and that was the first picture taken of him here in Liyue. So, as you can tell the picture is quite meaningful, we wish that you can help us find this picture soon. Because so far that's the only photo that has been taken of him without the star of the show, the Seal. Thank you and have a good day.

Reward: (3x) Miso soup
:thomasmile:

2. The star of the show!

Last seen: Liyue Harbor
Reported by: @dreamy slate

Detailed report:
Hello, we recently arrived here in Liyue and was greeted by so much amazing people! We also recieved a lot of gifts, and we would like some help transferring the gifts to the ship to keep them nice and safe. Please let us know soon if you're interested, thank you.

Reward: (20x) Fish
:sillygoofy:

3. Angry fan.

Last seen: Liyue Harbor
Reported by: @summer remnant

Detailed report:
Hello I would just like to report this person named "Childe". They are very mad right now, because they weren't able to take a picture with the Seal. They're frantically running around with their hands up, and overall just really mad. Someone should definitely check on him and calm him down.

Reward: (1x) Rock
:PissedChilde:

4. The luckiest fan!

Last seen: Liyue Harbor
Reported by: Anonymous

Detailed report:
Hello, I would just like to report this fan for being too lucky, like they were able to take a picture AND hug the Seal! Like what?! Not that I'm salty or anything... but I think I should've been the one to do those things. I swear they stole all my luck! I want it back. So, just let me know if you got my luck back. But you better not steal the luck for yourself! Thanks I guess.

Reward: N/A
:HuTaoPray:

unique thornBOT
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🇮🇹 "Benvenuti, italiano e turco!" Metti Mi piace per vincere ricompense

Salve, viaggiatori!

L'italiano e il turco si aggiungeranno alle lingue selezionabili su Genshin Impact! Celebra insieme a noi l'arrivo di queste lingue per vincere premi esclusivi!

Per saperne di più: https://hoyo.link/bbG9BBAd

HoYoLAB vi aspetta!

🇹🇷 "Yeni Eklenen Dilleri Kutlayalım" Beğen ve Ödül Kazan

Merhaba Gezgin!

Genshin Impact'e resmi olarak Türkçe ve İtalyanca dil seçenekleri ekleniyor! Bu iki dilin eklenişini bizimle birlikte HoyoLAB'da kutla ve özel ödüller kazan!

Daha fazla ayrıntı için: https://hoyo.link/bbG9BBAd

HoyoLAB'da görüşelim!

English Version: Click here

unique thornBOT
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Akademiya Public Message Board

Mahamata Notice: Please be sure to always be careful of your surroundings. There has been an uptick of ruffians on the outskirts of Sumeru City.

Come one, come all, grand opening of housekeeper's call!

#katheryne-maid-cafe (previous known as#beans-furry-hangout) is celebrating it's first day open! Inside, you'll find all of the staff and management dressed in maid costumes to your hearts desire, but wait... something's not quite right....?

Are those KEYHOLES in the back of their necks?! And why do they all look exactly the same... AHHH THIS PLACE IS FREAKING ME OUT—[REDACTED]

Ad astra abyssosque, Travelers! Please join us in the maid cafe to enjoy a hot cup of coffee or scones~ We promise we don't bite.

Boom boom, bakudan?!

There are rumors of a secret base out in the mountains somewhere... I'd be careful though, 'cause that area is said to have a constant array of explosions nearby.

They're calling it #klee's-arsenal-and-hideout (previously known as #beans-omega-howling-radio) in the sounds of the wind. Just be careful out, alright? Heard there's chanting of something regarding a god-like deity of Dodoco or something...

Dancing to your own tune~

Come party out here at the #california-gurls-dancing-room (previously known as #hashire-sori-yo-kaze-no-you-ni-tsukimihara-wo-padoru-padoru)! We've got it all, tropical flavors, an escape from mundane day to day lives, and fun and games in complete compliance with all of Sumeru City's guidelines.

See more details through Akasha Terminal.

A drive-thru for true views

#ok-i-pull-up (previously known as #5wirl-studio) now has it's own parking lot and drive-thru where you can see scroll-throughs of various movies + art! Funny enough, all the operators of the whole endeavor are actually these little furry creatures that call themselves 'capybaras'! Maybe they're like the aranara.

They're all quite cute though, you can't help but stay for a while even if the food kind of sucks... Kind of tastes like it was pulled through a river. Not a bad experience overall~

Glory to the Lesser Lord Kusanali!
unique thornBOT
unique thornBOT
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Tone-Deaf-Bard
A Holiday Ballad...

Ah? If it isn't the Traveler! You've come at a good time, ehe!

It's me—Mondstadt's number one bard, Venti! I have been working on a new piece for the season's festivities, and was wondering if you, perhaps, would like to take a listen to what I've composed so far?

But there's a catch: I will only tell you one line a day until the poem is complete. On the final day, something magical may happen!

Oh! But wait, I need to get into the correct attire first! Excuse me.

Distant shuffling can be heard.

Tone-Deaf-Bard
The First Verse

Heh, that's more like it... Do you like my hat? I won it by winning a drinking contest at Angel's Share. Quite a nice fit, if I do say so myself!

Ah, there's a bench over there. I'll pull out my lyre and then we can begin.

Clears throat.

On the first day of Christmas, miHoYo gave to me...

One lost fifty-fifty...

Return here tomorrow for line two!
unique thornBOT
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Tone-Deaf-Bard
The Second Verse

Traveler, there you are! You didn't think I would forget today's meeting, did you?

As for line two, it goes something like this:

On the second day of Christmas, miHoYo gave to me...

Two Susbedos,
And one lost fifty-fity.

Return here tomorrow for line three!
unique thornBOT
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Tone-Deaf-Bard
The Third Verse

Traveler! How nice it is to see you. Aren't you here early?! Or wait—am I, perhaps—

Late?

Ehe!

Quick, here's line three!

On the third day of Christmas, miHoYo gave to me...

Three karmic debts,
Two Susbedos,
And one lost fifty-fity.

Return here tomorrow for line four!
unique thornBOT
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Tone-Deaf-Bard
The Fourth Verse

(whispering) That child of the wind standing out on the bridge—you remember him, don't you?—Timmie.

He might not appreciate this line...

If he catches wind of this, be careful of his imaginary Ruin Guard friend!

On the fourth day of Christmas, miHoYo gave to me...

Four piece of fowl,
Three karmic debts,
Two Susbedos,
And one lost fifty-fity.

Return here tomorrow for line five!
unique thornBOT
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Akademiya Public Message Board

Mahamata Notice: We may encounter newcomers to Sumeru due to the grand success of #🎴genius-invokation-tcg. Please be mindful of beginners and guide them towards knowledge.

Our very own Winterland

When the fall ends, the winter descends, and with it, the snow blends. #comfy-winterland-cafe (Previously known as #katheryne-maid-cafe), turned into a crystal wonder. Inside, you will find the comfiest of treats—from hot chocolate to all-you-can-eat! So why not take turn, to our lovely cafe, once you're inside, a refill is what you'll yearn.

How does it go again?

You want me to... what? Fine, I'll read this script you gave me...
ahem, "hashire-sori-yo-kaze-yo-" WHAT!? where did you get that red costume from?!? No way I'm wearing that. HUH?? No, I am not letting you call me "my little meow meow"... YOU WANT ME TO MEOW TOO?! I'm not a damn cat. What are these words you're saying—what does "canon" mean... WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU LIKE ME—... #hashire-sori-yo-kaze-no-you-ni-tsukimihara-wo-padoru-padoru(Previously known as #california-gurls-dancing-room)... You have a hard time reading this poster as the rest of the description is nothing but gibberish. Any reader would sense that the writer's chain of events is chaotic.

h-hi~

Gweetings Travewer OwO (/◕ヮ◕)/, wewcome to ouw lovewy dovey cutey #dejewenal (Previouswy known as #ok-i-pull-up) UwU. We have wots and wots of art that ywou'll wove teehee (=^・^=), evewything here will make you fuzzy inside ∩(·ω·)∩, because ywou'll be COMFY AND WARM >w< ヽ(`Д´)ﾉ. We can't wait to see you thewe ^w^ (≧∇≦)/.

This poster remains the same.

Maybe you could give #klee's-arsenal-and-hideout a unique name!

Glory to the Lesser Lord Kusanali!
unique thornBOT
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Tone-Deaf Bard
The Fifth Verse

Oh my... I must have drank too much earlier and fell asleep!

I hope you'll forgive me again, since I've brought a gift for all you Travelers...

It's a handful of sparkly gems I picked out from a chest~ If my memory serves me correctly, then you're quite fond of them, ehe!

On the fifth day of Christmas, miHoYo gave to me...

✨~Five Primogems~✨
Four piece of fowl,
Three karmic debts,
Two Susbedos,
And one lost fifty-fifty.

unique thornBOT
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Tone-Deaf-Bard
The Sixth Verse

Traveler, I've quietened the winds so the fire won't spread any further. Please help me put it out!

On the sixth day of Christmas, miHoYo gave to me...

Six Klees-a-blasting,
✨~Five Primogems~✨
Four piece of fowl,
Three karmic debts,
Two Susbedos,
And one lost fifty-fifty.

Return here tomorrow for line seven!
unique thornBOT
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Tone-Deaf-Bard
The Seventh Verse

Ahhhh, I've been so busy preparing for the grand finale that my notes became scattered!

But you don't mind, do you? After all, Windborne Outlander—you already know the wind is always by your side.

On the seventh day of Christmas, miHoYo gave to me...

Seven Venti ballads,
Six Klees-a-blasting,
✨ ~Five Primogems~ ✨
Four piece of fowl,
Three karmic debts,
Two Susbedos,
…And one lost fifty-fifty.

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve!
unique thornBOT
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Tone-Deaf-Bard
The Eighth Verse

You've worked hard this year, haven't you?

Fear no longer—with the holidays upon us, you'll be able to rest soon. Hehe.

On the eighth day of Christmas, miHoYo gave to me...

Eight Noelles-a-training,
Seven Venti ballads,
Six Klees-a-blasting,
✨ ~Five Primogems~ ✨
Four piece of fowl,
Three karmic debts,
Two Susbedos,
…And one lost fifty-fifty.

5...
unique thornBOT
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Akademiya Public Message Board

Mahamata Notice: With the holidays being over, the Akademiya will resume activity. We request all students and researchers to attend.

This poster remains the same.

Perhaps you could give #comfy-winterland-cafe a unique name!

This poster remains the same.

Perhaps you could give #hashire-sori-yo-kaze-no-you-ni-tsukimihara-wo-padoru-padoru a unique name!

Home for our comrades

Alright, hear me out. We all know the Fatui are evil and all, but don't you think that they look really cool? With their stylish looks, the fighting techniques, and above all else, their beauty!
#home-of-fatui-simps (Previously known as #dejewenal) rebranded to welcome all enjoyers of the Fatui.

Hey don't call me delusional! Even if they use force to get what they want, you can still admire them! No of course I don't support their cause, but I still admire the great length they go to look in top shape!

This poster remains the same.

Perhaps you could give #klee's-arsenal-and-hideout a unique name!

Glory to the Lesser Lord Kusanali!
unique thornBOT
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Adventurers' Guild Commission Board
Commissions #24- 26: Joyous day!

Commission Details
Hello Travelers! Long time no see~
We have a special request for you. We would like for you to interview some people and get their statements on the recent events happening in the area. We will give you some information about them for you to get to know them a bit before interviewing them. Thank you, and good luck!

1. Interesting...

Last seen: Liyue
Report by: @arctic birch

Detailed report:
Recently I've actually talked to this man, his name is Baizhu and he works in Bubu Pharmacy. He's very mysterious. But I heard that he's the right person that you can go to if you can't identify your symptoms. He's very well known and people often go to him for his medical skills. He's also somewhat very interesting... I can't explain how, but he just is.

Reward: (4x) Glaze Lily.
:BaizhuEhe:

2. Mysterious.

Last seen: Inazuma
Report by: @timid garnet

Detailed report:
I've never actually gotten to talk to him. But I sometimes see him in Inazuma, but it's very rare. I could say that he is very mysterious. Barely anyone knows anything about him. So I feel like it would be very interesting if you could interview him.

Reward: (6x) Crystal Marrow.
:mylittlemeowmeow:

3. ???

Last seen: Sumeru
Report by: @patent blade

Detailed report:
You know, sometimes I would see this girl with green eyes and white hair walking around, and then suddenly she would disappear out of my sight! I actually sometimes see her interact with people. But unfortunately, that's all I know about her. I hope this information helps you.

Reward: (5x) Padisarah.
:sussynahida:

unique thornBOT
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Akademiya Public Message Board

Mahamata Notice: Many are familiar with the growth of Genius Invokation TCG, and the Akademiya must adapt as well. During intermissions, students and professors alike will be granted permission to duel one another.

This poster remains the same.

Perhaps you could give #comfy-winterland-cafe a unique name!

The great serpent will heed your prayers.

Orobashi no Mikoto, Orobaxi, the Watatsumi Omikami. He who taught us agriculture and smithing. His legacy remains unforgotten - though he is dead - and will still live on for generations.

#sangonomiya-shrine (previously known as #hashire-sori-yo-kaze-no-you-ni-tsukimihara-wo-padoru-padoru) welcomes wanderers who seek forgiveness and redemption, and to learn the story of the once great god of oceans.

(P.S - Shrine maiden applications are also open!)

This poster remains the same.

Perhaps you could give #home-of-fatui-simps a unique name!

This poster remains the same.

Perhaps you could give #klee's-arsenal-and-hideout a unique name!

Glory to the Lesser Lord Kusanali!
unique thornBOT
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Akademiya Public Message Board

Mahamata Notice: While we advocate for hard work and exceptional results, we want to remind our students to always prioritize their health and well being. If work becomes daunting and anxiety inducing, take a breather and calm down.

You seem tired, come grab a seat

All that work is weighing you down, huh? Don't worry, we all have our down moments. It's important to always keep track of your health, make sure you stay hydrated and well fed. Otherwise, you might get sick, which will backfire, resulting in more pain and less productivity. Whether you are a soldier, a knight, a researcher or even a dragoon on the frontlines, #dragoon’s-lair (Previously known as #comfy-winterland-cafe) has a place for you, where you can sit down and relax.

A story from the days of old

Greetings, it seems we have crossed paths again, I won't take much of your time, I would like to share a small piece of history about our protector and powerful deity:
Orobashi no Mikoto, referred to as the Watatsumi Omikami, is the ancient one. Having the form of a reptile, with a fluorescent body. He who stood guard protecting our people, and giving hope for the hopeless. As for he is the one true savior and our-
oh dear, I've gone overboard, Apologies.
If you wish to hear more, we await you in #sangonomiya-shrine

(The name remains the same, you may request a change anytime)

A never-ending mission

It is the year 20XX, the tavern is in ruins.
It's economy in shambles, with Sussy paimon hoarding all the mora. One group tries to fight back, but it's only delaying the inevitable. With their remaining but almost depleted resources of mora, they keep the name of a chat alive... #5wirl-studio... #5wirl-studio... #5wirl-studio (Previously known as #home-of-fatui-simps)

This... is interesting

... --- ... / ... --- ... / ... --- ... / - .... . / -... .- ... . / .. ... / -.. . ... - .-. --- -.-- . -.. / .-. . --.- ..- . ... - .. -. --. / .... . .-.. .--. / ..-. .-. --- -- / - .... . / -.- -. .. --. .... - / --- ..-. / ..-. .- ...- --- -. .. ..- ... / ... - --- .--. / - .... .. ... / -.- .. -..
A pattern of dots and dashes appears on the board, but you cannot understand it. So you choose to ignore it. You wonder if that was the right choice

. . .

#klee's-arsenal-and-hideout

You quickly realize what was written on the end of the board, and you start rushing for help.

Glory to the Lesser Lord Kusanali!
unique thornBOT
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Sussy Paimon News Station
📰 NEWS REPORT

Greetings, visitors of the Tavern!

This is Keqing, the Yuheng of the Qixing, reporting live from Sussy Paimon News Station. I am here to announce that there have been sightings of mysterious creatures roaming around the Tavern. We do not know how they got here, nor what their motive is, but we advise to take caution near them until we find their origin and their cause.

Video footage of one of the creatures:

#

If you are in possession of footage (such as video or image) of these creatures in our Tavern, please report to the @stable carbon under the 0 - Something else dial.

Thank you for reading, Nara of the Tavern.

Wait, why did I say that?
unique thornBOT
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Sussy Aranara News Station
📰 NEWS REPORT

Greetings Naras of the Tavern, this is Keqinara Aranara of Vana, reporting live from Sussy Aranara News Station. We have identified a name for our new friends here in the Tavern, they are a friendly group of creatures to spread Ararakalari and stop the Marana. If you see one do not be afraid to talk to them, they might offer you Vasoma too!

Words floating around from the Naras of the Tavern:
JOIN THE ARANARA AND YOU'LL GET FREE COFFE FREE HEALTHCARE A EULA RERUN FREE PERFORMANCES FROM THE BEST ARANARA SINGERS FREE TOILET PAPER AND SO MUCH MORE - Music-loving Nara

I still don't understand what's going on I'm scared - Confused Nara

DID U KNOW EVERY ARANARA OWN A CHEST OF GOLD? - JOIN US TO LEARN MORE - Material-Collecting Nara

la la lala la la la lala la la lala la la la lala la la lala la la la lala la la lala la la la lalalalala - Music-loving Nara

We would like your comments, too. You can send similar messages talking about your lovely encounters with the Aranara to our @stable carbon under the 0-something else dial. Do not worry, as the forest will always remember.

Thank you for reading, Naras of the Tavern.

HAPPY APRIL FOOLS!
unique thornBOT
unique thornBOT
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Adventurers' Guild Commission Board
Commissions #27 - 30: Nahida Hunt!

Hello Travelers! I have some commissions that are actually connected to each other. So for these particular commissions, you all will have to work together. Each report contains information regarding the main commission, so please read the reports carefully. I hope you do well and have a wonderful journey. Thank you!

1. Where did she go?!

Last seen: Sumeru City
Report by: @visual knoll

Detailed report:
Hello! We are currently looking for someone with green eyes and white hair. It would usually be easier to find her, but it seems like we can't find her... Hmmm.. I wonder what's happening. It's like the same situation keeps repeating. The first day we were looking for her, multiple events happened. Day 2 of trying to find her, was the exact same. It's like time keeps rewinding... Anyways please do help if you can! Thank you!

Reward: 0 Mora
:OhMyArchons:

2. Spotted!

Last seem: Sumeru City
Report by: @visual knoll

Detailed report:
Just to add onto the report submitted above, here is a picture of the Nahida that we are looking for. It seems that people are actually seeing her near Sumeru City! But, it seems that when people look away for just one second, she vanishes into thin air... It's like the same cycle, over and over again.

Reward: 0 Mora
:naHida:

3. Illusion.

Last seen: Sumeru City
Report by: @dreamy harbor

Detailed report:
Hello! I saw the other reports about Nahida and I actually saw her! She was fixing some Shroomboars that slept underwater. When I yelled out "Nahida!" she looked back, staring at me and in a blink of an eye, she was gone! But it seems like she left a note behind that states: "Your dreams are like the pure and delicate bubbles floating on the water. The more beautiful the illusion, the more it fascinates me." You know, when I was reading the note, I felt a connection... Maybe it just me but, she looks so familiar...

Reward: (5x) Viboya.
:kusastare

4. Familiarity

Last seen: Sumeru City
Report by: @dreamy harbor

Detailed report:
I further looked into the note and noticed that maybe I'm not the only one who felt the sense of familiarity when reading the note. I asked one of my good friend's about it and she said that she also felt it. In fact, we started to share why it felt so familiar, and we realized that she could be outside the City of Sumeru. I would go and check, but unfortunately there's something that I need to attend to. Thank you, and I hope that the information helps!

Reward: (3x) Sumeru Rose.
:kusajudge:

unique thornBOT
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Akademiya Public Message Board

Mahamata Notice: Abnormal sighting detected, please do take caution against the self-proclaimed "Star travelers" appearing within Sumeru.

Invitation to Windblume

Windblume is a festival held in Mondstadt, celebrating the Thousand Winds. It is a time for children and adults alike, to enjoy their time in Mondstadt with the utmost fun!

We do understand that the trip to Mondstadt can be daunting... That's why we decided to host a mini Windblume here in Sumeru! The venue will be over at #comfy-windblume-cafe (Previously know as #dragoon’s-lair).

Come, experience Eons of entertainment!

Halt!

You there! Yes, you. The person reading this message! Have you pledged your loyalty to Her Excellency, the Almighty Narukami Ogosho, God of Thunder? If not, we invite you to #the-tenryou-commission (Previously known as #sangonomiya-shrine) to become a member, and fight for the Electro archon, god of thunder's will of eternity!

An ominous figure lies in the distance

Greetings, this is the Adventurer's Guild. We are putting this message on this board to recruit more individuals on a special expedition. A great tower, on the horizon, has appeared in front of our eyes. We have set up camp in #tower-of-fantasy-chat (Previously known as #5wirl-studio), if you're up to the task, consult Katheryne and she will fill you in.

This poster remains the same.

Perhaps you could give #865954541987037194 a unique name!

Glory to the Lesser Lord Kusanali!
unique thornBOT
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Akademiya Public Message Board

Mahamata Notice: With the Akademiya extravaganza coming to an end, we hope everyone enjoyed the fierce competition by our excellent competitors. Do not fret, there is still amusement within our gates, you can visit our nearby cafes and taverns for the top of the line service.

Cheers love, the cavalry is here!

Hello Hello, welcome! How are you? wait, this is a post on a random board, you can't answer that.

Anyway, you might remember us as #dragoon’s-lair (Previously known as #comfy-windblume-cafe) the previous renters have already left, but they left all these decorations for us, isn't that nice?
So, we will use them to create a more cheerful environment for you!

This poster remains the same.

Perhaps you could give#the-tenryou-commission a unique name!

Rewards are but a dream

Countless Adventures participated, racing up to the top of the tower. After countless battles, challenges, and puzzles, they came out victorious. The final door remains. Behind it, is the reward. The hard work will finally pay off. What could be inside? Mora? Power? or maybe the secrets of the universe? One can wonder.

The door opens, and... It's just a cocogoat.
The room erupts with cheers and happiness from everyone.

Quite anti-climactic, but at the end everyone is happy.

The adventurers have decided to worship this legendary adepti-beast, and #home-of-ganyu’s-harem (Previously known as #tower-of-fantasy-chat) is born anew.

This poster remains the same.

Perhaps you could give #865954541987037194 a unique name!

Glory to the Lesser Lord Kusanali!
unique thornBOT
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Adventurers' Guild Commission Board
Commissions #31- 32: Very suspicious....

Hello Travelers! Recently we have been getting reports about some people who seem to be new to the city. These commissions are not urgent, but definitely something that needs to be looked into. I have attached below some of the reports filed recently. Good luck Travelers!

1. WHAT A PRO!

Last seen: Near Windrise
Report by: Anonymous

Detailed report:
HELLO! So, basically there is a man near Windrise that has been challenging everyone to do some basketball with him. But get this, HE IS A PRO! BUT, he's a little too good... It is very suspicious. I have enough credentials to beat him, but why couldn't I beat him?! So, I would like to ask someone else to challenge him and see if he is cheating! And I, thank you.
Reward: 00000000.1 Mora
:baller:

2. Laugh Out Loud

Last seen: Laughing
Report by: @nimble surge

Detailed report:
Lately, I've been seeing this random person around Mondstat laughing... But, it's like non-stop laughing. Come to think of it... all I see him do is laugh. It's very suspicious. Or maybe I'm just overthinking it. Either way, please check on them if you can.
Reward: 0 Mora
:LolCry:

unique thornBOT
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Akademiya Public Message Board

Mahamata Notice: Within the Akademiya, cooperation and teamwork is the key to success. But they are not the only characteristics to a stellar performance. Respect and honesty are on equal foot, if not above all.
We ask everyone to respect each other, and build long standing friendships.

Last minute changes

This location is pretty strange, don't you think?
Not many people stick around for long, I wonder if this will happen to us.

Anyway, after the previous keepers left unexpectedly, me and some maids gathered left-overs and opened a small #unknown-maids-nescafé (Previously known as #dragoon's-lair), come join us for a treat~

All aboard the celestial train!

So, you've seen the flyers, you've seen the reviews, and you thought to yourself: "What's all the hype about?"
Well your journey is coming to an end, as we're right here!
In #star-rail-chat (Previously known as #the-tenryou-commission), we have the best of the best astrology experts. With a motion of hand, we can bestow upon you the knowledge of the stars. A curse or a blessing? there's one way to know, so what are you waiting for!

Borgar Borgar Borgar

Borgar, Borgar, Borgar, Borgar
Junior, Double, Triple Borgar
Flame grilled taste with perfect toppers

Our borgars are freshly made and definitely not reheating frozen borgars.
if you still haven't noticed, we opened #borgars-lair (Previously known as #home-of-ganyu's-harem)

This poster remains the same.

perhaps you could give 🔈The Forgotten Jukebox a unique name

Glory to the Lesser Lord Kusanali!
unique thornBOT
#
Today is a special day!

Happy Anniversary Tavern! The past two years have been nothing short of amazing, filled with countless cherished memories. We hope that each event made has given you joy and excitement. With this, we collected some of the Tavern records from the past two years! Happy Anniversary, and watch out for more anniversary surprises that are coming soon!

Happy Anniversary Tavern!
unique thornBOT
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Happy Tavernday!

During the celebration of Tavern's 2nd anniversary, a milkshake has been circulating around the tavern districts. No one knows it's origins or ingredients, but everyone sure knows that it's delicious!

Come along, grab one yourself and enjoy the festivities!

Edit made by: @dry carbon

Pssst, I heard a certain cafe around here has it too~
unique thornBOT
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<@&997663126180868126> 60 Primogem Code below~!

Clickable Code

2S84JS839T8R

unique thornBOT
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<@&997663126180868126>

Redemption Codes for v4.1 Special Program Stream

Claim them quick, because they expire <t:1694836800:R>~!

Clickable Codes

FB8PFFHT364M
JS96FEZS3P59
2T86EWGBJP6V

unique thornBOT
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<@&997663126180868126> 60 Primogem Code below~!

Clickable Code

6T8NWE3HD7PD
Bonus: AS97CE45EUER (20k Mora, 2 Wits, 3 Enhance Ores)

unique thornBOT
#
SMILE FOR THE CAMERA!

Greetings dear readers, you may be shocked to see a new face around here, allow me to introduce myself!
I am Charlotte, a reporter for The Steambird from Fontaine.
I've heard a lot of crazy stories about this place, so naturally, I wanted to check it out for myself!

I've been posted here to cover the locations this Tavern has to offer. Hehe, I cannot wait to gather information to turn into a new exclusive piece!
Let's see what we can work with here... Oh! I got it.

A place of divine worship

In a far and distant land, there was a group who worshiped the stars above. Every day on a specific hour, they would chant and dance as a form of gratitude towards their celestial creators. Unbeknownst to them, a divine being was living among them, or rather, below them.
During one of the regular rituals, it starts to rain. The droplets of the rain fall forms an entity, so divine and so beautiful, similar to a mermaid.
The worshippers, shock and stunned, assumed that entity in front of them is a god that answered their rituals, they started to cheer. However, that was not the case. The mermaid was truly a god, but not the one they worship. Still, she played along, helping what she considered kind but lost people. Through their efforts, and the priestess's blessings, they managed to turn #star-rail-chat into a place of divine worship, titled #kokomi-church.

Knock knock, did you hear that?

There's a house on a hill. In that house, there's a basement. Only one known resident is living there. On a glance, she's just a normal person, but that's far from the case.
You would almost always see her working in #unknown-maids-nescafé, from what I've gathered, she's an upstanding worker. This innocent task is actually what's funding her side business; An arsonist association, with her being the leader. Some people say the cafe's owner also provides funding for the association, but that's for another case. After the daytime work, comes her night time work. Her main place of operation is actually the very same basement in her house, in there she keeps all kind of stuff. But sometimes, things go missing without a trace, and she doesn't know why.
Although, she always sees footsteps leading to the basement's walls. She suspects someone's hiding, and they have a lair. For the time being, she dubbed it #dragoon’s-lair-inside-pyrrah’s-basement-walls.

And the curtains are open!

You've heard about the famous golden chicken burger, although not a delicacy from Fontaine, it captured many people's hearts. The creator of the recipe, has gained unimaginable wealth from just producing this single meal. Their intention was simple, all they wanted to make others happy, but they knew that a simple burger would not keep the same sentiment for a long time, so they started brainstorming for ideas. A restaurant? No, that would be just silly, they already have #🍔borgars-lair... Then it clicked.
If they wanted to impress, then they have to invest in something spectacular.
They scrapped their lair, started hiring workers, and built a theater, where people can act, dance and sing to their hearts content. During all of this, they remembered their trip to Sumeru, where a similar theater, #zubayr-theater, hosted their own plays too. It brought a smile to their face. He left their theater in a hands of someone capable and set off to Sumeru to find that theater.

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Charlotte the enthusiastic news reporter coming in!
BREAKING NEWS!

Greetings visitors of the Tavern! It's your favorite reporter here again, and I'm thrilled to announce that I will be doing another piece on the Tavern. The previous report was a smash hit and loved by many! I was constantly asked when the next issue will release, and I'm happy to tell them that the wait is over!

Let's get started, are you ready to be stars?

Look up! Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No! it's... An aircraft!

"Out there, in the cosmos, lies something beyond our comprehension. We don't know what it could be, and that is exactly why we should understand it." - residents of #kokomi-church
Although the priestess helped them learn how to farm, smelt iron and advance as a civilization, she can only do so much. Before her departure, she said: "I gave you the tools, you must use them wisely. There will be many hardships, but I know you can do it.", these words alone, filled them with determination. And so they started working, day and night, to build an aircraft that would help them traverse the unknown. As the #sky-faring-commission was established, they set out on their journey.

On the run!

Our mysterious Dragoon, has been allegedly found hiding in another wall, again. What happened to the previous one? Simple, the house owner called an exterminator. They were no insect, but the smell alone made them flee for their lives. so they fled from #dragoon’s-lair-inside-pyrrah’s-basement-walls
However, this new house is... peculiar. It's one giant sunsettia. How could one hide in a sunsettia? Perhaps you could carve a spot with a regular knife? Or just eat the wall? I leave that for you to figure out. What I can tell you is, it's #dragoon’s-secret-lair-inside-sunset’s-walls.

Lupical

In the forests of Mondstadt, lies an area called Wolvendom. It is the home to many wolves, particularly a pack of wolves called #beans-alpha-wolfpack. Some residents point out that among these wolves, one seems different. They behaved like a wolf, but looked like a human, they barely talk, but know a few words. They carry a large sword wherever they go. Countless adventurers have reported to the Adventurer's Guild and the Knight of Favonius to do something, but they dismissed as nothing serious.

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A New Year's Wish

The new year is upon us. What do you have prepared? Some snacks, maybe some beverages? That sounds nice, Personally I will be going for some tea at the Yanshang Teahouse.

Apologies, we're getting sidetracked. Let me restart.
A new year signifies change, everyone will feel it. Just like the wind, it can be as small as a breeze, or as big as a tornado.
Similar to erosion, some change cannot be subdued, it is the way of life.
However, one does not have to be an eternal prisoner of their own fate. With enough wisdom, one can change their course.
So go set forth, make your own story, you are the lead role in your own play.
You will create both the hopes and dreams yourself, do not falter.

Happy new year, Traveler.

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Charlotte the enthusiastic news reporter!
Tales from the Tavern #1

We meet again, Taverners! A lot of time has passed, but I'm back once more, with a new surprise!
After the previous reports, people wouldn't stop asking about the next articles! It was so massive, even bigger than last time! All of Fontaine is now focused on this one small Tavern.

As a result, the Steambird has launched a new paper: Tales from the Tavern, and it's gonna be written by yours truly!
Without further ado, let us begin!

Unusual sights

There are many unusual activities inside the Tavern, and the latest occurence will be our focus. The Tavern folks have reported sighting of new unrecognized individuals, who claim to be "from a collapsed universe". Unsure what that could mean, the folks became anxious and scared, but the extraterrestrials quickly re-assured that "they mean no harm". Through sources we do not wish to disclose, we have found that these groups like to hangout in #honkaiverse, previously known as #sky-faring-commission.

A string of invasions

The ever so sneaky Dragoon strikes again, this time, they may have bitten more than they can chew. The Yujing Terrace event managers reported missing equipment from within their offices, and they have a suspicion that it happened from the inside, rather than the outside, as the security footage showed no sign of breaking. To evade the cameras and the workers of the office requires true skill. The managers have opened up a case titled #dragoon’s-secret-lair-inside-yujing-terrace-event-manager’s-office, or previously known as #dragoon’s-secret-lair-inside-sunset’s-walls to keep track of all lost equipment.

Shakin' up the music world

A new group enters the scene. The members need no introduction, as they have been making waves in the Tavern under their previous name, also known as 5wirl. However, with a new member joining the ranks, a change was needed to be made. During our interview with one of the members, they declared that 6reeze will be the new name of the group, and their new studio will be located in #6reeze-studio, previously called ⁠#beans-alpha-wolfpack.

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Adventurers' Guild Commission Board
Commissions #:

Hello Travelers! Apologies for the delay in the commissions, Sussy Paimon was pre-occupied (Certainly not with food and drinks!).
Starting today, commissions will return to the usual schedule!
If you want to submit your own emotes, we encourage you to use /request in ⁠#bot-playground to make a request! For more info, you can check #bot-features message

1. Just keep smiling!

Last seen: Fontaine
Report by: @tribal bison

Detailed report:
Me and my friend have reached Fontaine after a long journey, but it was worth it! Everyone is so welcoming and nice... But maybe too nice. We encountered a certain individual who doesn't stop smiling, ever. We thought it was just Fontainian courtesy, so we approached to strike a conversation... But they just stood there smiling, menacingly...
Please have someone check up on them, thank you.

Reward: 500 Mora and 1 bottle of Fonta
:smile:

2. Patpatpat

Last seen: Shops at Liyue Harbor
Report by: @regal agate

Detailed report:
Hello! I just want to talk about this mango I found, it is very cute. I encourage everyone to give it a pat if you pass by, it likes it when someone does that. How can you say no to it's face?

Reward: A smile from the mango
:MangoPatPat:

3. Bow for her majesty

Last seen: Elton trench, Fontaine
Report by: @fringe wing

Detailed report:

Fontaine has been hit with a tragedy, we may never recover. But with enough courageous adventurers, we may turn the tide, and rescue all of Fontaine from impending doom.

Recently, her majesty, her royalty, her elegance, the queen of the blubberbeasts, has gone missing. Her status among the Fontemer Aberrants is undisputed. If you ever find her, please report back to the adventurer's guild.

Reward: Become her majesty's blubberbeast knight
:ElsaRem:

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Adventurers' Guild Commission Board
Commissions #37-40:

Hello Travelers! We have a new batch of commissions ready to be accepted! Please visit Katheryne at your local Adventurer's Guild for more info~

1. Fish Blasting Shenanigans

Last seen: Whispering Woods, Mondstadt
Report by: @sweet hemlock

Detailed report: In my last expedition, I was near the Whispering Woods in Mondstadt gathering Small Lamp Grass for some experiments of mine.
That's when I suddenly heard a lot of explosion noises coming near the lake. It was terrifying. All I could see was fish flying into the sky. I quickly gathered my belongings and started heading back. On the way to the city, I noticed I dropped some of my items. When I tried to go back to get them, I managed to catch a glimpse of a small silhouette holding my items and staring right at me.

I started running in the opposite direction immediately!
Please have someone bring me back my stuff!

Reward: 1000 Mora
:kleestare:

2. Dragon Shouts

Last seen: Dragonspine, Mondstadt
Report by: @bold nimbus

Detailed report:
Near the top of Dragonspine, I've been hearing all kinds of different shouting. Sometimes it sounds normal, other times it resembles that of a wild beast. The source seems to be from... Mr. Albedo? It can't be! he's back at the Knight of Favonius!

Could it be an impostor? Is the one at the knights an impostor too?!?
Please have someone investigate this mysterious person!

Reward: 500 Mora
:RAAlbedo:

3. O' Archons Above

Last seen: Starfell Lake, Mondstadt
Report by: @summer remnant

Detailed report:
Hello,
I've noticed a certain individual from Snezhnaya who doesn't stop praying. He was praying for "Unlimited Power" and "Worthy foes". When he noticed me, he thought the archons answered his prayers and started approaching me for a fight. I ran away screaming in terror, while he returned to his usual prayers.
I beg of any courageous adventurer to challenge him to a duel and end this madness!

Reward: 2000 Mora
:PrayChilde:

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Tavern 3rd anniversary Greetings from the Moderator Team

A Letter from all the Moderators
HAPPY 3RD ANNIVERSARY!

Greetings Travelers! I heard the Tavern has reached its 3rd Anniversary. What an achievement and I hope for more Anniversaries to come for the Tavern. I have received letters from the the Adepti, Qixings and the secretaries that would like to greet for this achievement

Miry

wow, three years already, time really flies! I've been in the community since the beginning, although more of a lurker, happy to be a part of the team here now and looking forward to seeing what the future has in store for us and for Genshin! Natlan, here we come Ayayaka

Sunset Archon

Happy Tavern Anniversary, everyone!

Let your Sunsettia harvest be plentiful for yet another year as we inch closer to Natlan than ever!

GLORIA AD SUNSETTIA!

Jen

Happy 3rd Anniversary Taverners! I wish you all a great day ahead, stay safe and drink enough water~ Here's a small and easy challenge, guess the character: "He longs for a day to come when he will wear the mask and dance — not to conquer demons, but to the tune of that flute amid a sea of flowers."

Zhongli Mendes

EYYYYY, Happy 3rd anniversary Tavern!!! I would like to thank to all the people that I have met and chatted in this server for making such memorable and fun conversations that I will never forget. As the anniversary comes by, I hope we all get what we want to pull in Genshin Impact and from other Hoyoverse games! Happy gaming plebs and keep the spirit alive :))) don't look forward to me getting banned thank you

LuneSky

Greetings fellow Taverners who's listening below the stage, I LuneSky, is here to inform you of something special today. Can I hear a drumroll please? .... May I present the 3rd anniversary of this Tavern server! You must be stunned to hear this news but hear me out I have something else to say on this stage~ To all Taverners here I hope you all enjoy your stay here and created many happy memories in this server. :) It's nice meeting you all in this server and chatting about Genshin plus other different kind of games. Cheers to more fun and memorable memories together! Guoba out~~ ^^

Kitsunix

Thank you for chatting with us and making this place fun!! Have a wonderful rest of your summers :D

AnarKaye

Stares HA! Tavern, You are old now too! Kettle Laugh

minouraee

Hello Taverners~ Another year has passed with lots of fun talks, new updates and amazing activities! Here's to another year full of amazing events (come join the Event Management team hehehehe), and all cake goes to me please

Crystallar

hey taverners!! its your favorite hu tao (and 7) connoisseur :33 cant believe its been another year!! happy 3rd anniversary!! ive made so many great memories the last year and i hope for many more :DD hoping you guys all win your 50/50s with early pity and luck in the rest of your adventures. lets have another fun-filled year!!

#
PerVerteX

Hi Tavern folks, here we are at 3 years. Glad to see everyone is still hanging out with us. I hope we have many more years!

And remember that we're never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna turn around and desert you~

PonPon

3rd Anniversary already? Let me cook something cool for you guys this year~ I heard that you guys wanna do equations, puzzles, those kind of big brain stuff. Expect them to come at you randomly this year. Oh and it's already started with x = 1 + 1 HeheSmile
Btw, the Tavern has WelkinMoon Welkin giveaways here and there, why don't you keep an eye out for Tavern events and get those kinda easy ExpensiveTreeTopper?

Pyrrah

Hello everyone! I hope you all have had a great year, and i hope for a good year come!

Vyskara

Another year already is crazy. Love all you stinkers. Behave yourselves.

AiZe

Happy 3rd Anniversary Tavern! Lol I feel so old its like yesterday when the Tavern started and now its the 3rd anniversary?! OMG Happy anniversary taverners and hope for more Anniversaries to come!

Also check out the #📅tavern-events the EM Team worked hard for the events for this Anniversary I hope you guys enjoy it! HAPPY ANNIVERSARY EVERYONE!

Despair

May your 50/50s no longer be haunted by Qiqi’s… May it be Dehya instead. Happy Tavern Anniversary!

Sera

happy 3rd tavern!! as you can see with this late message, this special day came up and totally did not surprise me at all PaimonKekw it's been an amazing time to be able to mod the CTG for you all, and having your support for the tourney within the past year or so has been both motivating and inspiring ~ KeqingHeart_pixels please keep supporting our tournament and here's to another 3 years of tavern!!

BILLY BOOM

This is Pepega 💯 wishing Tavern a Happy 3rd Anniversary!!
Another reminder to me that "im become old, the granny of discord servers" 😭
Make sure to checkout the ANNIVERSARY EVENTS and register for the upcoming CTG!!!
Claim your free candy if you participated in the puzzle events ~ 🍫
Good luck on your Navia pulls as well, she is my husband so treat her well <3
Also can some of that cake go to me please 🥺

Mono

Hello fellow Taverngoers! I'm so glad to see our server's third anniversary with you all. I'm here for both a long time and a good time, and I can't wait to share it all with you!

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Discord Account Linking Online!

Link your Discord account with your Genshin Impact account to get Primogem 30 Primogems upon completion~
What's more, you can show off to your gamer friends that you are playing Genshin Impact: Your in-game name, Adventure Rank, game server, and how long you have been grinding for this gaming session.
There are expectations of this getting expanded to offer a better co-op experience, so go ahead, Travelers!

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Sussy Paimon Gallery

Hello Travelers! Genshin is turning five years old! Our time together has flown quickly and to commemorate, we're hosting a celebration this month. Why don't we look through our memories from this past year?

1. After a Tasty Cake

Captured by: @fringe wing

This was taken last year when Sussy Paimon attended a celebration party for the Tavern's anniversary! She decided to steal the cake before anyone noticed but let's just say... she ate too many slices! Unfortunately, nothing was left for the Traveler to eat but as long as their best guide enjoyed it, they didn't really mind~

:SussyBirthday:

2. The Smuggest Kokomi

Captured by: @hexed crest

During recent travels through Teyvat, this image was taken after a certain fish healed everyone. She looked so proud of her achievement! Even though she was embarrassed about how the photo turned out, it still looked super cute~

Reward:
:KokomiSmug:

3. Someone's Bookmark

Captured by: @sour birch

While visiting Dawn Winery, we suddenly came across this picture in one of the books in Diluc's library. It seems to be of his brother, Kaeya, but Paimon has an odd feeling about it. It feels like he's almost alive but Sussy didn't get the chance to look any further; Diluc suddenly saw her and snatched the photo back. He seemed annoyed by it. "Maybe it was the same as how I would ask for grape juice instead of wine in his tavern, heh.", Kaeya snickered as we asked about the case.

:KaeyaStare:

4. Tea Time

Captured by: @patent blade

While visiting Ayaka, she made us some amazing tea that she had been trying to brew lately. She seemed to be pleased after we said it tasted good! After that, the floodgates opened and we're always greeted by a delicious drink every time we visit the Kamisato estate. Chatting about our recent travels really brings the whole thing together~

:AyakaHappy:

5. Lurking Journalist

Captured by: @cobalt falcon

During our recent trips to Fontaine, a certain journalist had been following us on our adventures. We later found out she's an excellent journalist named Charlotte who's trying to capture a story about us! We can't wait to be featured in the Steambird!

Reward:
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Charlotte, Ace Steambird Correspondent

Tales From the Tavern #2

Why... what do we have here? Oh, nothing... but a fresh edition of Tales from the Tavern! Yes, Taverners, much time has passed, but I'm back once again with an unexpected scoop! Due to popular demand, we are once again circulating the freshest news - so, as we say here in Fontaine, let's "dive in"!

Invaders at War

In the past, the tricky Dragoon has struck many times, gracefully sneaking into guarded places like Sunset's walls and even Yujing Terrace itself! But now, the master of breaking and entering seems to have met its match in the form of Sparkle, who has managed to somehow break through multiple universes; now, even Teyvat finds itself joining the long list of locations that this Masked Fool has successfully infiltrated. To honor her achievement (and stay on her good side), #dragoon’s-secret-lair-inside-yujing-terrace-event-manager’s-office will be renamed to #sparkle's-lounge! Will Dragoon manage to take back their title someday?

From the Sea of Quanta to Watatsumi

For this next segment, we're talking about yet another strong fish person! The Kokofish is the all-powerful priestess of Watatsumi, and apparently, her abilities have been expanding recently—not only does she have power over the Hydro element in Teyvat, but she appears mighty enough to push back the Sea of Quanta as well! Due to her unprecedented tactical victory, #honkaiverse will undergo a name change to #sangonomiya-shrine in commemoration of this momentous event!

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Exciting news, Travelers!

Genshin Impact has reached the final round of the Player's Voice category at The Game Awards 2024. This category is entirely decided by fan votes, so your support matters more than ever! VentiSparkle

Voting is open now, and you can cast your vote on the official Game Awards website: >> Vote here <<.

Don't miss your chance to help Genshin Impact secure another victory! KeqingThumbsup Voting ends soon, so act fast!

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To all deciding to stay in the Tavern for 'tis day at Christmas,
May happiness keep up your smiles like the moon tonight.
May the sound of this year's adieu be sweet and serene to you~
May the next year be gentle to everyone.
You've done well, get some rest, then keep on going!
-# From Sussy Paimon with ♥ and no rickrolls.

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Expiry: August 21, 2025

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Tavern 4th Anniversary Greetings from the Moderator Team

<:SussyBirthday:1282581871342915656> Letters from the Moderators and Event Managers

Happy 4th Anniversary!!

Greetings Travelers! As Tavern celebrates its 4th anniversary, I would like to extend my heartfelt thanks to everyone for staying with us throughout this journey. Looking forward to creating more memories together! Below are letters written by our lovely Adepti, Qixing, and Event Managers to everyone.

Sunset Archon

Now I have caught 10 thousand crabs~
But I would catch 10 thousand more~
Just to hang with all you Tavern peeps~
I would not have it any other way~

Lukas

Lukas was here

Zhongli Mendes

Hey hey
Hey hey
Hey

What's up Tavern!!, It's another day and that means another celebration for it's anniversary! Happy 4th anniversary and I formally give blessings to all plebs for their luck in gacha games. I hope we all win our 50/50s once again! Here's to more chaos and fun in the chats.

Yes, I'm gambling when I'm feeling it now
It's over? I need more pulls for next round

Vyskara

Whoever reads this is stinky heh.

Ame No Archon

It's been a wonderful year with y'all! Hope to see you guys in nod krai

Fae

Happy anniversary Tavern! may the next year be a great one 🫡

Jen

Can’t believe we’re in our 4th year now - very Happy Anniversary, Tavern! As always, remember to drink water, take care of yourself and appreciate Xiao :)

Pyrrah

Hi everyone, thank you for another year with the Tavern! I wish to gift you all a voucher to win your next 50/50!*
(Terms and conditions apply, vouchers work only 50% of the time)

Despair

While I may not have visible for the past few months, I have been watching you all grow and care for this community. Keep making our community great. And if I find you breaking the rules I’ll curse you with a 90 pity Qiqi

#
Aize

Heyo heyo everyone and Happy anniversary tavern serverr Its been awhile since the birth of this server and oh my god I am feeling old 😭 anyways more I hope for everyone good health and more anniversaries to comeee

Aust

Happy anniversary and thank you for being here for that, I guess! As someone who has been in the general genshin community overall, I've had several great experiences hanging around and meeting people, and I am sure you guys feel the same. Experiences that have probably changed you, shaped you, and now are a part of who you are, and that includes people that have come around and people that you have yet to meet.

Hopefully your experiences with the Genshin Impact Tavern Community are amazing as always as well,
Aust

Rem

Blegh? Hello? This thing on? 1...2... Greetings.
Has it really been 4 years since Tavern opened up.. One's mind still believes this is still a baby server. How time flies. Hopefully both old and new tavern goers are still having a good time here, and staying connected. But then... if not, or when in doubt, Just Blame Mendes. It usually solves 99.98% of problems.

    Though, it is not like one to care much for such events, One does wish a Happy 4th Anniversary to all! Stay safe and hang in there.
SkyLune

Hey fellow taverners, I wish everyone a wonderful year ahead. Can't believe time passes by so fast ever since I first joined Tavern in 2021. I may not be a mod for a very long time but I enjoy working with other fellow mods and meeting new members who join the server! Yall are cool. May everyone win 50/50 and get their fav Nod Krai characters. :paimonmuscle:

Oh yea one last thing,
We're going up, up, up!!
Taverners unite!!
You know together we're glowing!!
Gonna be, gonna be golden!!
(Am I right Cassie)
Ban Mendes :cool:

AnarKaye
PonPon

Sussy's expanding her reach to a few more places in the HoYoverse, y'all would better notice her majestic presence. If you do, ping me in chat with a screenshot of which you think that's her. Not gonna guarantee i'll respond, but i'll try Ayayaka Anyways happy 4th anniversary ThomaThumbsUp

Crystallar

Hey taverners :33 sorry I havent been as active lately but I enjoy being here when I do, you guys mean a lot to me and provide a cozy environment where I feel I can be comfortable :DD love you guys, cant believe its been 4 years!! and ofc it wouldnt be a crys message without mentioning hu tao <33

Chrysangora

Happy anniversary tavern!!!

Billy Boom

Happi anniversary tavern!
now wheres my cookie pon pon?

Mono

It’s been a fun year, and though we’ve had our ups and downs, I cannot say I’ve regretted any of it. I love it here, and I love our Taverners; let’s charge onward for another circuit ‘round the sun. Forward we go, to that shining tomorrow!

unique thornBOT
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Ignore the image, it is only 40 primogems

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-# Psst, get in game and get a bunch more Primos cuz today is Genshin Impact's 5th Anniversary!

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Sussy Halloween Special!

It's been a while, plebs!! Halloween has passed, and Sussy notices some happening while asking for candies around....

1. A Kokoo's Egg

Captured by @hexed crest

The Koko has been working hard, talking to all the denizens of Watatsumi and helping with their problems. The Koko works tirelessly, making sure everyone in Watatsumi is the happiest can be.

One night, after a hard day of work, the Koko smells the alluring aroma of tamago, wafting through the air, tempting all who smell it like a roasted steak in the middle of a pack of hungry dogs.

The Koko takes a peek and notices the delectable tamago being sold by the dozen. Unfortunately, the Koko forgot to bring her wallet, and she now can't buy herself a piece. She looks to you, cutely, for some small aid. She's worked hard the past few days. Surely, a reward is in order?

:KokoPlease:

2. Wanna come over for tea?

Captured by: @cerulean lava

While Sussy is going around trick-or-treating in Liyue, getting so many candies! I knock on Wangsheng Funeral Parlor, and surprise! Hutao greeted me with a creepy look?!?! She looks hungry, as if she has been overworking herself, working overtime this Halloween. Maybe she was collecting souls who knows?

Sussy asked for a candy, but she seems a little out of place, so I just leave peacefully, she might mistake me as a soul at this point hihi~~

:Hutaohihi:

3. Cafe shrine Refuge

Sussy has noticed something. Ever since the purge of the cafe in the tavern a year ago, cafe dwellers have nowhere to go, wandering in the tavern if they have a place to go, and so they have been slowly invading the 6freeze studios and making their own?? and renamed it #cafe-shrine-refuge !! Now Cafe dwellers can enjoy a cup of coffee and some pastries with imaged perms.

More Stories to come!

That's all the stories we have for now! So plebs, do you have more stories to share this Halloween?? Name changes you want to add or capture moments and memories, and share them with us?

If so, visit #bot-playground to add more emotes, server name changes, and more with the Mora in your hands! That's right! We're alive and kicking!! waiting for your request hehehe ~~~

unique thornBOT
unique thornBOT
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<@&997663126180868126> 60 Primogem Code below~!

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Sorry folks, copy pasta got the best of Sussy cri But the code above is fixed!

unique thornBOT
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still geyser
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#just-stinkers created at <t:1627475400:f>
#sparkle’s-lounge created as <t:1627488000:f>
#Cult-Of-Corn created at <t:1627491600:f>
#Cult-Of-Corn nuked at <t:1627527600:f> for 200x Mora

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Created by @icy edge

Corn_Cancelled.png
abstract valley
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#content

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**❗BREAKING NEWS! **
Bless the Archons that there are no disasters today, but $MORA Mora is currently down 📉 !

Osmanthian, for their alleged ties with Morax, are among the exceptional groups of people who may have survived from today's economic scars. @mint coyote, current representative of the Tavern's Bard, believes #church-of-morax will always stand true against all odds.

"Unrest among the people may lead to distress,
When mayhem stirs chaos, it’s time for a rest.
Though hardship is difficult to pull through alone,
The Church of Morax will still stand as your home.

Fret not, travelers. No one’s going anywhere anytime soon!
Your journey has only begun, your legend has yet to bloom." - @mint coyote

However, this truly perks the question... What makes being a Osmanthian immune to the economic turbulence? Perhaps there is more to this as more information is discovered... PepeInvestigate

abstract valley
still geyser
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❗THIS JUST IN!
@wintry flame is enacting war on #church-of-morax !!!

Peace is NO longer an option! It seems that all diplomatic measures were exhausted which lead to this terrible conflict...
Please maximize your chance of safety by following the community's curfew and report all suspicious activities!

marble matrix
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❗ BREAKING NEWS!
Reports have been received that @wintry flame has nuked the Church of Morax channel!

Experts have analyzed that the Church of Morax has suffered a tremendous loss from this battle. It would seem like @wintry flame has started his revenge after what has been done to him by the Church of Morax.

The church was deleted for 1655 Mora , so the cost for bringing it back will be 1700 Mora !
At the moment there is not a way to pool your mora, so Osmanthians, gather up your mora!

marble matrix
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❗ BREAKING NEWS!
It has been reported to me that @finite plaza recovered the channel #church-of-morax ! All by herself with the power of her husband's power, the mora itself

What will #Off-Topic do next? Will @wintry flame Help them to delete the channel back? We will never know how this story ends up next, so stay tuned!

In my own opinion, good luck, offtopics!

marble matrix
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❗ BREAKING NEWS!

Alright Corns! 🌽
Good news! I have received the news that can you can recover the #Cult-of-Corn!
Remember to stay loyal to Corn and only Corn! Yes, this will be the condition to recover it, including break the contract and receive the wrath of the rock, eep! eep

Remember corns, to pool the enough amount of Mora to avoid @abstract valley 's wrath of the rock!
Will @wintry flame help them? Will they not break the contract and stay with #church-of-morax ?

Stay tuned for any updates, and good luck- Osmanthians and Corns!

ZhongJoy EulaCornchamp

#

Remember corns,
this is your only chance!

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The Banner Event is OVER!

Congratulations to @weary shore for their winning entry! Sussy Paimon's already put it up and it looks great! The grand prize of 1500 Mora will be sent to you shortly!

In addition, a careless Fatui Harbinger left his wallet after a night out, so Sussy Paimon now has extra Mora to give out~

Each of our runner ups will receive 750 Mora for their great work. Congratulations @modern marlin @sly apex @worn wraith!

In addition, the following Travelers received honorable mentions and will receive 375 Mora for their submissions. Check out their submissions below!

#
Honorable Mention #1

By @thick sky

#
Honorable Mention #2

By @lusty tide

#
Honorable Mention #3

By @nocturne raven

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Emoji Knockout is LIVE!

Our new event, Emoji Knockout, has launched! You can learn more from our #869142152893038602!

The event will last from Aug 5th to Aug 12th!
REMEMBER, each vote costs Mora. So make sure your mora counts!

winged anchor
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❗ THIS JUST IN!
#bank-of-the-bald has undergone a renovation and has been renamed #sangonomiya-shrine ! Construction finished at <t:1628378027:f> .

winged anchor
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❗ BREAKING NEWS!!
<t:1628486001:f> - Raiden Shogun has swooped in and demolished #degeneral for their sinful behavior. However, in an unexpected twist they seem to be enjoying this experience and have instead constructed a new church, #church-of-baal, in her honor. Locals say the frequent chants of "Step On Me" go long into the night and are highly disruptive.

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📰 News Report

Source: Anonymous tip

A mysterious pleb who goes by "Chilli Cult Leader" has just married the war starter: CEO Of Sussy Baka (AKA General Kenobi). This ship has been approved of by Morax, as it was for peace and love between #off-topic and The Church Of Morax. Our reporter who attended the wedding interviewed the bride who had this to say:

I'm happy to announce that the war is now settled! Long live peace and love between everyone! :)

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❗ NEW DEVELOPMENTS!

<t:1628751460:f> Despite all the chanting, Raiden Shogun has not returned to visit the #church-of-baal in several days. Many have lost hope, and returned to their regular, degenerate lives. Some devoted followers however remain hopeful, and have stayed at the church, forgoing food, water, and sleep.

Seeing a business opportunity, Hu Tao (director of the Wangsheng Funeral parlor) has set up a temporary shop at the church. The sign out front has been replaced with #hutao-pic. Church of Baal devotees, already on the brink of death, were too weak to fight her off, but too poor to afford her services.

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🌽

<t:1628996287:f>

Barges into Sussy Paimon Newsroom
🌽
Refuses to elaborate further
Leaves

Wait... what do you mean 🌽?!

unique thornBOT
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Sussy Paimon Newsroom
❗ Breaking News

<t:1629234967:f> A few days ago, a surprise attack on on what was formerly #hutao-pic by the Corn Cult left many confused, some hungry, and others completely indifferent. The intruders claimed the area as their own, establishing #church-of-corn.

Long time residents of what was formerly known as #degeneral eventually managed to drive off the invaders, and are now found rallying under the banner #cafe-shrine-refuge.

The area seems to be the target of a number attacks recently, so who knows how long this will last before a new faction rises...

unique thornBOT
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Sussy Paimon Newsroom
⚠️ Emergency Broadcast

<t:1629238221:f>
Catastrophe reported at the #church-of-barbatos! Sources say that during the weekly church wine tasting night, great beams of white light suddenly shot out from all the windows of the church. Travelers who stared directly at the church at the time are currently being treated for blindness. Official sources confirm that the cause of the incident was a Discord Light Mode user, who checked their phone during the evening.

The light still lingers inside the church, and the whole area has been quarantined off, now known to locals as the #sangonomiya-shrine. If you are passing by the area, please wear eye protection.

In the mean time, residents of the #church-of-barbatos, with nowhere to go, have made their home in #general-chat. However, it seems they have forsaken the Anemo archon, blaming him for allowing this to happen to their home. Instead, they have turned to worshipping the Acting Grand Master of the Knights of Favonius, establishing #💬general-chat.

unique thornBOT
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📰 News Report

Finally a moment's peace in Tavern district?

After an excitement filled first few weeks, things are finally beginning to calm down in the Tavern.

The Travelers who frequent #vyskaras-best-degens, a site of much activity lately, have finally managed to reclaim their territory and return to #degeneral. Locals are thankful for finally being able to get a peaceful night's rest.

The last of the lingering light from Discord light mode has finally dissipated from the church remains. The previously quarantined area #domain-of-the-lightmode-monarch has been re-opened to the public. Worshippers of Barbatos have flooded back to the area, establishing it as #holiest-church-of-lord-barbatosin hopes that their Archon will forgive them for briefly turning their attention to Jean.

While authorities won't tell us exactly how the light was cleared from the area, sources say that Diluc Ragnvindr (Owner of the Dawn Winery) helped in removing it. Rumor has it that he simply walked in and scowled the light out of existence. Sussy Paimon has a hard time believing this, but regardless the locals are glad to be rid of the Barbatos worshippers, and have proclaimed some days of #diluc-appreciation as thanks for his assistance.

unique thornBOT
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❗Emergency Broadcast

Chaos breaks out in Tavern district

<t:1629760893:f>
We are receiving multiple reports of events happening simultaneously all across the Tavern, so many that Sussy Paimon is having a hard time keeping up. I will do my best though to deliver this breaking news so Travelers can stay informed. Here goes... deep breath

#comfy-cafe, after several weeks of uninterrupted peace, has been taken over by a new fab diet consisting of bread, and only bread. #the-believers-of-bread have siezed the cafe to promote their cause.

#diluc-appreciation is over! #geo-family is now being celebrated instead. When we interviewed Diluc about this change, he had this to say:

Good.

The patients who were hospitalized for blindness from exposure to Light Mode are finally out of hospital. Rather than return to their peaceful lives, they have stormed #holiest-church-of-lord-barbatos in order to protest for #darkmode-supremacy and demand and end to Light Mode. Church windows have been covered with blackout blinds and no light is being allowed inside.

Finally, in a bizzare twist, Sussy Muzik has been handed over to the #cult-of-corn. Producers say that Pop Music is popular with Travelers these days, and they are hoping the Corn Cult can deliver on this. This is a bad joke... right!?

While no one knows who for sure is behind all this chaos, locals are blaming #degeneral who are suspected of lashing out after several days in a row of having their home renamed. Residents of degeneral have embraced this, calling this the #grudge-of-the-degenerates.

unique thornBOT
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Sussy Paimon Newsroom
📰 News Report

<t:1630022130:f> Chaos as usual in the Tavern
Residents in the Tavern district seem to be getting used to the standard chaos, and to no one's surprise a new set of factions have settled in.

A new fad from outside of Teyvat has taken hold of #geo-family, converting it to the #church-of-teriri. Sussy Paimon doesn't know who this person is but doesn't like the fact they also have white hair and seem to be a mascot of some kind. Hopefully this fad goes away soon...

The protestors for #darkmode-supremacy that took over the church were reportedly getting injured a lot, stubbing their toes in the dark on tables and chairs. Hearing their cries of pain, our local idol Barbara paid them a visit and nursed them back to health. In gratitude, they've now established the #holiest-church-of-lord-barbara-toes, headed by none other than Albert.

The degenerals have decided to try a new approach, putting aside their #grudge-of-the-degenerates in favor of #general in the hope of tricking others to stop by and join their cause. Isn't this identity fraud? Well as the saying goes, Tevyat has it's own "laws".

That's all the news for today, but we have some words from our new sponsor~

Greetings Travelers! Ever wanted to eat lots of delicious food without the guilt of all those extra calories? Well there's no lighter fare than food that floats! So come drop by #paimon-cafe today, where every meal, is an Emergency meal. Ehe~

Wait hold on. Sussy Paimon doesn't like where this is going. Who... who's that person in the tall white hat coming at Sussy and why do they have a Paimon sized sack... Wait what's happening!? Where are you tak-

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Death Guide Newsroom
👻 Guest Report

<t:1630271262:f> Construction workers on Strike!

Yo! It's your favorite Funeral Parlor Director here, filling in temporarily. Hmmm why do I feel like the same thing happened back in April... you know for something called Emergency Food it sure goes missing a lot - doesn't seem useful at all in a real emergency. Hee hee, you'd be better off using that time to prepare for what happens after the emergency if you ask me. Can I interest you in-

Ugh fine I'll stick to the script... ahem.

As many of you have no doubt seen, there's been a lot of construction and reconstruction all around the Tavern district. Workers are fed up with all the overtime and have gone on strike, demanding more Mora before continuing work.

Woah woah - you're meant to pay your employees? Zhong Li hasn't asked for money once since he started. Hmmm... so how does he pay for anything anyway? That's kinda weird if you ask - what? Oh we're not done.

While construction is stalled, the Tavern workers have decided to throw a party to show thanks for one of the patrons! Until work resumes, the #church-of-teriri has been re-purposed for #mikaaa💚-appreciation. Stop by and join in the festivities! I heard it's being catered by #paimon-cafe.

unique thornBOT
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Sussy Paimon Newsroom
📰 News Report

<t:1630364501:f> Church fever sweeps the Tavern

Sussy is back to bring you the latest news! Oi!! Why are you so surprised to see me back? Did you think I got eaten?! For the last time, I'm not Emergency Food! They simply needed a mascot for the cafe and I really needed the extra Mora...

Speaking of #paimon-cafe, turns out they got shut down for several health code violations and are no longer in business. Something about finding Slime parts in their Sweet Madames. The owners of the original café though have come back and renovated to bring you #comfy-restaurant. But I guess they didn't need a mascot.

Morax has negotiated a new contract with the builders in the Tavern, and construction is proceeding as normal!

The one day celebration in #mikaaa💚-appreciation has officially ended. Locals completely forgot what they were worshipping before the party, so they decided to just worship the first thing they came across - a can of beans accidentally left over after cleaning up - forming #the-church-of-the-bean.

The channel masquerading as #general has finally revealed it's true colors, now rallying under the name of #the-unknown-church-of-trolls. No one is sure what mischief they'll get up to this time, but let's not forget their degenerate origins.

And finally, the #holiest-church-of-lord-barbara-toes is no more! Say hello to the brand new #sussy-church! My unbiased opinion: this is the best place in the Tavern! I guess they were so dazzled by my brief time at #paimon-cafe that they decided to worship me. Hehe~ finally things are making sense around here!

Advertisement: Did you eat something sus at #paimon-cafe and get sick? Well don't delay, call Yanfei! Legal help is just one visit to Liyue away.
unique thornBOT
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Her Excellency's Newsroom
Newsroom Seized

This Tavern... so ephemeral. So quick to change. Why? What is it's purpose? You fools spend Mora for such fleeting moments of happiness. It blinds you to the work that needs to be done. Cease this worship of the temporary, and embrace the eternal. I will lead the way.

Eternity will reign
unique thornBOT
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Her Excellency's Newsroom
A new addition

Now here is one that understands a proper way to use Mora. Commendable effort, Traveler @warm pelican. You have proven yourself a loyal subject.

:VentiCringe:

Let this be an example to the rest of you. Use this gift well.

Psst... Oi! Can you still hear Sussy? I've been hiding under the desk the whole time and I don't think I've been seen yet. Send help! How has she not moved for an entire day!? I'd rather not spend Eternity hiding under a desk. Getting hungry...
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Her Excellency's Newsroom
📜 **Church Hunt Decree in effect**

<t:1630622616:f>

This is Loyal Crow - by orders of Her Excellency, I hereby announce that effective immediately, all forms of churches are illegal. Existing churches will be seized and repurposed, and any attempt to contruct new ones will be met with swift and decisive justice in the name of the Shogun.

#the-church-of-the-bean is no more. They have been deemed #the-enemys-of-eternity

#the-unknown-church-of-trolls is shut down. It appears they have once again been overtaken by #corn-cult-reloaded, but that is of little consequence.

#sussy-church is to make way for #unknown-gods-refuge.

Rumors have it that one last church remains, but we have so far been unable to determine it's whereabouts. Any information leading to the capture of the church and it's followers will be rewarded, and anyone who is found to be conspiring with them will be dealt divine punishment.

We are taking control of #comfy-restaurant as it is suspected of harboring fugitives from the church. Until this church is brought to justice, it will remain #uncomfy-cafe. Let this be an example of what happens when you oppose the will of the Shogun.

Sussy Desk Diaries - Day 3. Food is scarce. This morning 4 dango rolled under the desk. It's a good thing the floors are kept extra clean around here. Still no sign of help in sight. The angry looking one has left, but one of her lackeys is now hanging around the newsroom. At least they have good taste in snacks... I'm starting to think having your own personal Emergency Food isn't such a bad idea... maybe I can convince Xiangling to let me "borrow" Guoba for a while.
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Her Excellency's Newsroom
🎙️ Locals weigh in on the Church Hunt Decree

Reporter @sick stump brings us a reaction of a local Tavern resident to the new decree

:Shrek_WowThere:

Did... did we have creatures like this is Teyvat? Somehow this makes Rhodeia much less frightening.

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??? Newsroom
❗ Emergency Broadcast

Explosion blows giant hole in the side of the newsroom! Fire alarms set off and employees evacuated.

@jade sphinx snapped this photo from the scene moments before the explosion...

:Kleevesdrop:

Zzz-hya! What? Huh? What was that noise? Why is everyone running? Wait, this is Sussy's chance! Freedom!
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Local Tavern Paper
📰 Newsroom destroyed in fire

Yesterday, an explosion rocked the Tavern Newsroom, causing a fire which eventually burned down the entire building. There's no official statement on the cause of the explosion yet. In the mean time, this local paper will continue to bring you news direct from Tavern patrons such as yourselves!

Today, we feature a photograph taken by @vague creek, straight from the scene of the explosion. As you can see, there is nothing left of the newsroom at all.

:darkmode:

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Sussy Paimon (Temporary) Newsroom
📡 Back on the air!

<t:1630900296:f>
*Tap tap* Ooiii! Can anyone hear this? Testing... testing... ahem!

It's Sussy again, back in control of the broadcast! We're coming to you from a temporary location while the studio is being rebuit. Things were crazy back there! I was just getting comfortable under that desk when I woke up to everything being on fire. Last thing I heard before I flew out of there was something about "Solitary confinement". What was that all about?

Anyway, the news waits for no one, so here we are with the usual report right on time! Some good news - with the Shogun and her allies nowhere to be seen, the Church Hunt Decree has been lifted!

After being branded #the-enemys-of-eternity, an unknown graffiti artist quickly changed the name to #the-anemones-of-eternity. This went unnoticed for quite some time. But with the Shogun nowhere to be found, they've returned to their usual ways and declared a time for #hutao-appreciation! Apparently our local Director was most helpful during the Newsroom incident. Thanks to her efforts, there were no casualites! Although for some reason she looked a little disappointed...

The occupation of #uncomfy-cafe is also over! They've once again returned to serving food as #comfy-pastry-shop.

With the decree no longer in affect, a church has already sprung up. #unknown-gods-refuge is now home to #church-of-deez-nuts. What's with Tavern goers worshipping food all the time? Hm? Wait what do you mean not "those nuts"?

The campaign against degeneral by #corn-cult-reloaded seems to have been unsuccessful. The locals have stayed true to their message of #memes-and-degeneracy and go about unfazed by the brief interruption.

That's all the updates! Now, some quick words from our sponsors (I hope this works...)

Ad buffering... 94%
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Local Tavern Paper
📰 Cooking Corner

With a (mostly) successful broadcast, the official Newsroom is operational again! So this paper will switch over to bringing you the finest in local news only, and leave the big picture stuff to Sussy.

Today, we have a home cooking recipe submitted by @civic pulsar! Let's take a look -

Broken Takoyaki
  1. Purchase some Takoyaki from the store
  2. Take out your Debate Club (every kitchen should have one of these)
  3. Smash
  4. Serve the :Broken_Takoyaki:
Recipe Info

Prep time: 10s
Serves: 4

...

Wait what part of this is even cooking!?

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Local Tavern Paper
📰 Tavern Classifieds

Hello readers! We received a lot of mail asking about the chef behind the recipe yesterday. Well, turns out it's an Inazuma original recipe created by none other than the Shogun herself! How special! Prices of Debate Clubs soared overnight, so I hope you already have one~

Today we bring you a paid promotion by @upper dew on behalf of the :Church_of_Morax:

<:Mora:869815055770865755> Wanna earn Mora FAST? <:Mora:869815055770865755>

Then join the Church of Morax today! We are looking for talented and eager Travelers to join our cause and get rich quick! This is a limited time business opportunity and you DON'T WANT TO MISS OUT!!

For a small initial fee, you will learn what it takes to be the best Osmanthian you can be and recruit others to your cause. Each new member will earn you MORE MORA wow! (maybe). Just look at me, I earned enough to afford this great ad spot in the paper!

Does this sound like a scam? Well it isn't! And anyway the "laws" are different in Teyvat and Pyramids don't exist. So what are you waiting for, don't delay! Financial success is just one react away!

Mora Mora Mora Mora Mora

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Sussy Paimon Newsroom
🎲 Tavern Gacha-con happening now!

<t:1631173373:f>

Hello Travelers! We're back in our brand new Newsroom to bring you the latest from around the Tavern (hopefully without any further connection issues). Today, it is all about the first annual Gacha-con happening right here in the Tavern district!

The #hutao-appreciation area has been converted to host the #gambling-addicts-association (not to be confused with gambling addicts anonymous). Go there to pick up your entry badge to the convention, but remember only 0.6% of you will actually get in, so good luck!

The Tsarista has paid to convert the #church-of-deez-nuts into the #fatui-lounge. Show proof of Snezhnayan citizenship to gain access to this exclusive area of the convention! Please leave weapons at the door.

The #comfy-pastry-shop has been converted to house the brand new #madame-pings-teapot-cafe! This one of a kind dining experience features a roulette wheel of different cuisines housed each in it's very own teapot. Spin it to find out what you're eating. I hope there isn't a Paimon teapot...

Finally, #memes-and-degeneracy has been forcibly renamed #degeneral-not-general in order to avoid confusing our foreign guests. This comes after their previous attempt to mislead Travelers by calling themselves "general", and convention hosts are taking no risks this time, keeping them under heavy surveillance.

The convention will be around for 3 days, so see these sights before they go away!

Advertisement: Need a place to stay during the convention? Why not come to Wangsheng Funeral parlor, where you can try-before-you-buy and sleep in one of our Deluxe edition coffins! They're so comfortable, you'll never want to wake up!
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Local Tavern Paper
📰 Tenshukaku Inside Scoop

The Shogun has not been seen since the explosion at the Sussy Newsroom, and many have been wondering what she may be plotting. Well an anonymous source in the Tenryou Commision managed to provide us with this exclusive photo, taken just today from inside the castle itself.

:RaiDerp:

What sinister things could she be thinking about?

In unrelated news, the same source also tells us there was a small fire in the Naku Weed storage facility underneath the castle a few days ago.

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Sussy Paimon Newsroom
🧹 Cleanup in progress

<t:1631402689:f>

Gacha-con has officially ended! Although out of the 200,000 Travelers that tried to attend, only 1429 of them actually got a badge, which made the entire event a huge loss of Mora for the organizers. Badge drop rates will probably be adjusted next year...

Post-event cleanup is happening at #gambling-addicts-association. The Knights of Favonius were suddenly called away on urgent business, leaving only the maid behind in charge of tidying up. The space has been temporarily made #grandmaster-noelles-office, as she happens to be the next in command at this time.

#madame-pings-teapot-cafe has closed and moved to setup shop elsewhere. The restaurant space has now been repurposed as #ajax-and-eis-marriage-hall. Do note this is just a theme wedding between a Snezhnayan and Inazuma couple, completely unrelated to the actual Ajax and Ei. The space is still open to the public and sampling various food from each region, although due to a Debate Club shortage there will not be any Broken_Takoyaki served...

The #fatui-lounge has been packed up, but it looks like the foreign vistors left it in such a mess locals are now calling the entire area #khaenri-ah-v2. If you do visit, make sure to bring a mask for the smell and be careful of the broken glass. One half of the floor is also covered in that liquid out of those Cryogunner tanks.

With the convention over, #degeneral-not-general's lockdown has been lifted, but they are not happy about it. They're loudly proclaiming themselves to be #the-resistence in protest of the latest treatment. Otherwise it's business as usual.

Finally, the music room #Cult of Corn, which has been dwindling in activity, has bought and rennovated by #Cult of Chili but its the ship and the food. Perhaps activity will pick back up, but many are having issues finding it with such a long name.

Advertisement: Want to earn some extra Mora? Why not join the event cleanup crew! Simply submit some Film Kamera footage of you destroying 10 training dummies within 2 seconds - a standard requirement for any Maid!
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Sussy Paimon Newsroom
❗ Special Bulletin!

<t:1631478063:f>

Cleaning has been temporarily paused in #grandmaster-noelles-office while we celebrate #albedo-birthday! Turns out Albedo didn't leave with the rest of the Knights after all, but when we told him we'd be throwing a party he disappeared again...

Well, in case he comes back we'll keep decorations up for a few days. Once the party's over, we'll go back to cleaning up the mess left by Gacha-con.

Until then, happy birthday to our Chief Alchemist!

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Local Tavern Paper
📰 Adepti Sighting!

There has been reports of an increase in negative energy in areas of the Tavern district. Our Vigilant Yaksha decided to go investigate the source of the corruption, hoping to suppress it before it got out of hand.

Turns out, it was just the degenerals (currently known as #the-resistence) doing degeneral things as usual. Traveler @drowsy frost managed to capture this photo of Xiao moments after he first laid eyes on the unholy place.

:Xiao_Shocked:

He left moments later.

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Local Tavern paper
📰 Gacha-con reviews are in!

Today we are featuring a review from a out of town Traveler who attended Gacha-con recently, pen name @crisp storm. Lets have a read!

Disappointing time at the Tavern

Stood in line waiting for a badge for hours, only to find out badges were RNG! I tried 10 times and came away with a few useless swords, some books, and then this weird plush bear that breaths fire...

On the way home, the street names had suddenly changed and I got lost. What is this place?!

:Sumi_WHAT:

Verdict

★☆☆☆☆
Would not visit again

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Sleepy Qilin Newsroom
🌼Guest broadcast!

<t:1631667585:f>

Ah, so I just talk into this? What about this weird creature floating underneath the desk asleep... is that normal? Oh it just said "Mondstadt Hash Brown", is it some sort of food delivery service? Uh... what do you mean we've started rec-

H... hello! Your regular broadcaster is unavailable so I've been called in to fill in to bring you this important news update! Things have been quiet around the Tavern district, and everyone's taking some time to relax.

Pause for effect. Oh I wasn't meant to read that out loud... sorry.. uh.. this takes some getting used to.

#albedo-birthday celebrations are still going strong. The party is expected to end tomorrow, when #grandmaster-noelles-office will be reinstated to resume cleanup. Although it seems like our resident alchemist was gone for the entire thing. Such a shame!

#the-resistence has finally calmed down and have now moved onto the #cult-of-ayaya. This... isn't another spelling mistake is it? You really should come by and check these things with me beforehand and I can help correct it you know?

#ajax-and-eis-marriage-hall has also ended ceremonies, and the restaurant space has returned to being #comfy-cafe. That sounds nice! I may have to stop there after this and calm my nerves a bit. I wonder if they serve Qixin Tea...

Finally, after their recent encounter with degeneral, Adepti Xiao has barricaded himself in the ruins of #khaenri-ah-v2, asking not to be interrupted while he recovers mentally from the experience. Locals have set up some barriers around the area to give him space, temporarily making it #temple-of-xiao.

End broadcast. Um... wait I did it again, I wasn't meant to read that part out loud. This is harder than it looks! Good thing we've stopped airing, phew. This is more embarassing than when Cloud Retainer brings up that story about choking a monst- hm? What do you mean "We're still broadcasting"? A... aahh!!

Public Service Announcement from Tavern Construction Co: Remodelling requests for the main entrance are currently backed up! We have an estimated 20 orders currently in queue, which means processing times of up to 60 days!! If you made a request recently and would like to cancel it, please locate your nearest Qixing and request a refund.
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Local Tavern Paper
📰 A moment of silence...

As the community recovers from the last of the damages from the Church Hunt Decree, we take some time to remember those that we have lost along the way.

Today, we have a Haiku on behalf of @ember crag

Our noble Teppei
Brave resistance warrior
We remember you

:cri:

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Hello Travelers~
Sussy would like to bring you some updates on the Sussy side.
The TLDR is:
1. Mora Compensation! And
2. Lucky Draw Feature.

Sussy thinks it's good to let all the <@&865773069695582208> know, cause who doesn't love free stuff!?

Read from here to get more details for what actually is happening~

Mora Compensation

On September 14-15, there was an issue allowing users to check-in without cooldown. It has now been fixed.
However, there was another issue of our Tavern members losing check-in streaks when checking in during the time this incident happened.

In order to make up for the loss, we decided to compensate 100 Mora to everyone who checked in at least once. The amount has been distributed, please check your profile!

If you encounter a bug, please reach out to your local Qixing Mods as soon as possible!
Thank you for making the Tavern a better place for everyone!

Lucky Draw Feature has been added

This feature allows you to buy tickets for a chance to win Mora! Every week, a round is held for everyone to participate in~
Feeling lucky? Head over to #887675128236888124 for more detailed stuff!

We hope you enjoy your stay in the Tavern! Until next time~
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Local Tavern Paper
📰 Community Nostalgia Yearbook Spotlight!

Today we're promoting a celebration happening all over Teyvat about the year that's been! If you have a memory to share, make sure you check it out!

[>> Check out the flyer <<](#📅tavern-events message) for more info

Here is a memory shared by a visiting scholar from Sumeru

My favorite memory? Easy, it would be that time that Outrider almost turned herself into a pig by being too nosy. In hindsight I regret stopping her at the time. It would have done little harm and would have led to some interesting results, and maybe a valuable lesson.

Perhaps I'll allow that maid that cleans up the lab to stumble across it some time... :CynoSip:

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Sussy Paimon Newsroom
<:Mora:869815055770865755> Lucky draw frenzy!

<t:1631925487:f>

It's Sussy again to bring you the news! Say, have you checked out #887675128236888124 yet? I hear the top prizes are tens of thousands of Mora!! Sussy would buy a ticket, but because I slept through the last broadcast I didn't get paid... and I spent all my savings on Hashbrowns. If I skip out on it again I might end up like a certain Astrologer...

Cleanup has completed in #grandmaster-noelles-office, and the rest of the Knights of Favonius are back in town. However there has been rumor that our infamous brothers had a fight during their adventure, and the public has rallied behind the Cavalry Captain, spreading #diluc-slander around the streets. This is a good time for Sussy to remind everyone to remain civil, even when spreading slander! It's what the Darknight Hero would do!

The mysterious #cult-of-ayaya has faded away, and the degenerals have finally joined the church craze to form the #church-of-degens. You'll be able to spot a degeneral follower by their obsession over Thighs and/or Abs. Best to keep away I say, and cover yourselves up...

While business is great at #comfy-cafe, they are trying something new and starting the first maid cafe in the Tavern district. However as part of the remodel, they updated their seating with some strange, bean-stuffed pillows. Earning themselves the name #uncomfy-breaded-bean-maid-cafe. What a bizzare mix of ingredients!

Adepti Xiao has finally finished his meditation at #temple-of-xiao and is back out hunting demons. The remnants of the Barbatos religion have swooped back in to reclaim the space as #church-of-barbatos-stop-vandalizing, sending a clear message to would-be trespassers.

Advertisement: Drop by the Cat's Tail Tavern, we're having a 20% off special in celebration of diluc-slander! Who would want to drink a bunch of rotten grapes anyway when you can have an ice cold cocktail made by Teyvat's best mixologist. Plus I hear he's a weird grown-up. All you have to do is say one bad thing about Diluc when ordering a drink to get the discount. Here are some examples - what? You can't print that? Hmph, fine!
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Local Tavern Paper
📸 Sussy Paimon exposé

Corruption afoot in the Sussy Paimon Newsroom!

Traveler @odd mist took this photo from #comfy-cafe. Here, we see Sussy buying a giant order of baked goods just moments before announcing the name change, after which those goods promptly stopped being sold!

:PaimonSHEESH:

This would explain her sudden lack of Mora! Is she using her position as the news reporter to engage in insider trading (of baked goods?!) This reporter thinks so!

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Local Tavern Paper
📰 Cafe closure continues to cause chaos

Today we bring you a story of another victim of the sudden closure of #comfy-cafe. Traveler @earnest ibex took this photo moments after Sussy Paimon hoarded all the baked goods from the shop. This Fatui Harbinger was looking to buy his little brother a birthday cake, but arrived only to find there were none left in stock.

:ChildePain:

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Wise Lawyer Newsroom
⚖️ [For legal reasons, this broadcast does not have a name]

Well well, you Tavern dwellers sure have been busy since the last time I dropped by. I don't see the appeal of constantly changing these names — seems like unnecessary paperwork to me, but then again I'm happy to process those if the price is right...

Well anyhow, Sussy isn't available to bring you the news today, she's tied up in some... business right now. As her current legal representative, I'll be doing it instead. And I dare say this place could do with a bit more professionalism, wouldn't you agree? Lets begin, and do try to stay awake through the whole thing~

Section I - Regarding the channel formerly known as #general

This is a cease and desist order on all #diluc-slander. Anyone found to be participating in these activities will face fines of up to 100,000 Mora. Instead, please spend this time participating in #cavie-appreciation. I think it's about time we give some recognition to our government employees, wouldn't you agree?

Section II - Regarding the channel formerly known as #comfy-cafe

The #uncomfy-breaded-bean-maidcafe is currently under investigation for the crime of Insider Baking, and will no longer be allowed to operate. Instead, it has been sold to the Qixing under a brand new contract, and will hereby operate as #osmanthian-cafe. I'm legally required to inform you that this has no affiliation with #church-of-morax whatsoever.

Section III - Regarding the channel formerly known as #church-of-barbatos

While this newsroom certainly does not condone vandalism, we also do not appreciate vigilante actions such as those by the #church-of-barbatos-stop-vandalizing. If you witness criminal activities, please report them to your nearest Qixing representative instead of attempting to solve the problem yourself. Instead, we have restored the name to it's next rightful title - #klee-says-last-one-to-post-is-the-winner.

Section IV - Regarding the channel formerly known as #degeneral

Being degenerate is hereby no longer recognized as a formal religion, and the tax exempt status of the #church-of-degens has been revoked effective immediately. No longer able to afford the rent, the area has once again (legally) been sold to the next highest bidder as the #cult-of-chili.

DISCLAIMER

The contents of this news broadcast in no way reflects the thoughts/attitudes/beliefs of the Qixing. You agree that all matters relating to this broadcast will be governed by the laws of Teyvat without regard to its conflicts with laws in other continents/worlds/universes. In the event of any controversy or dispute between this Newsroom and you arising out of the reading of this broadcast, the two parties shall attempt, promptly and in good faith, to resolve any such dispute. If we are unable to resolve any such dispute within a reasonable time (not to exceed thirty (30) days), then either party may submit such controversy or dispute to mediation by the Qixing. If the dispute cannot be resolved through mediation, then the parties shall be free to pursue any right or remedy available to them under applicable law. This disclaimer constitutes a legal agreement, and by reacting to this broadcast you agree to be bound by the terms of this document.

[This space has been intentionally left blank]
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Local Tavern Paper
📰 Use of bonk authorized

With the degenerals losing their religious status, the Tavern officially authorized the use of :bonk: to keep them under control. Here, we see a picture of Traveler @tiny pumice delivering the very first Bonk.

The Bonk has been scientifically proven to be an effective way of controlling degenerates, with about 96.9% effectiveness. For the remaining 3.1% of individuals, it's recommended you keep your distance.

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Local Tavern Paper
📰 Sussy trial underway!

Today, the courts are meeting to decide the case of Sussy v. Tartaglia. The Harbinger is suing for emotional trauma sustained by his little brother after being unable to obtain birthday cake. Our very own Shogun is presiding over the trial.

Here is a early courtroom sketch done by @steep lichen of the Shogun during Sussy's opening statements.

:RaidenPathetic:

Wow, it's so lifelike! Judging from that look though, things aren't going well for Sussy... stay tuned for updates!

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Sussy Paimon Newsroom
🙇‍♀️ Public Apology

<t:1632455024:f>

*Ahem* - Sussy Paimon would like to take this time to apologize to all the Travelers out there unable to purchase baked goods from #comfy-cafe the other day. Sussy should not have used her position to get ahead of the public. It was wrong, and won't happen again. Now, onto the news...

#cavie-appreciation has officially drawn to a close, and a mysterious group known as the #pigeon-cult have settled in. After some investigation, it looks like this group was founded by some Travelers that would make daily trips to the Mondstat bridge, and unleash various abilities on a group of unsuspecting pigeons. The strange thing is, the same pigeons seem to return the very next day, completely unharmed. Some have considered this a miracle, so much so that there is now a following.

The degenerals were unpleased with the takeover by the #cult-of-chili, and despite their financial hardships have pooled together enough Mora to reclaim their land, once again declaring themselves the #degeneral-resistance. Looks like they managed to spell it correctly this time!

With the recent shortage of sweets in the Tavern district, locals have taken to dieting as the new fad. #osmanthian-cafe has officially closed, and is now only selling #the-diet-pepsi. I'm not sure how well this new business venture will go...

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Local Tavern Paper
📰 Baked goods donated to local daycare

The recent court trial has ended with Sussy Paimon ordered by decree of the Shogun to forfeit all of her illegally obtained baked goods. Due to the sheer amount of boxes seized, the authorities have requested they be donated to local children's facilities so they don't go to waste.

We snapped a photograph of one child's reaction to an upset Sussy handing over a small box of Resin Birthday Cakes.

:PepePoint:

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Local Tavern Paper
📰 Watatsumi army arrives

Today, a large group of soldiers from Watatsumi arrived in the Tavern district, loudly proclaiming they had heard about the Church Hunt Decree and were here to free residents from oppression.

However, they were soon told that the decree had long since been lifted by simply setting fire to the old newsroom. Local Traveler @visual knoll had a chance to speak to the army leader before they returned home, sharing this quote -

Watatsumi Liberation Force is glad to have been able to see this resolved without any conflict. The last thing we wanted was to come here to start a war... :Kokopium:

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Sussy Paimon Newsroom
⚡ Shogun support skyrocketing

<t:1632719798:f>

This will be a shorter report than usual Travelers! The Newsroom fridge just broke down and Sussy needs to go eat all of the ice cream before it melts! It's an emergency!!

After the recent unannounced appearance of the Watatsumi army, locals are outraged at what appeared to be an attempted invasion of the Tavern district. Many are coming out in full support of the Shogun, particularly after her... (do I have to read this? ugh...) excellent judgement at the recent court trial.

A group known as #raiden-shogun-family has overtaken the commons area from #pigeon-cult. They have been welcoming any and all Travelers who proclaim their loyalty to the Shogun.

#degeneral-resistance has also converted into #the-great-believers-of-ei, honoring the other side of the Shogun's personality.

Note from the Writers - inspired by true events, the broadcast is shorter than usual due to actually having to spend most of the day dealing with a broken fridge.
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Local Tavern Paper
📰 Qiqi popularity on the rise!

Liyue's pharmacy employee has had a sudden surge in popularity - Travelers everywhere are going crazy for Qiqi! Lines at Bubu Pharmacy stretch all the way through Liyue and go as far as Wanmin Restaurant, as Travelers eagerly line up to catch a glimpse of this new celebrity.

Our reporter on the field @frozen coyote stood in line for 13 hours, just to get this comment:

Thank you everyone for the support, I don't know what's going on but people keep bringing me coconut milk and now I have a lot of it and won't run out for a long time which is good. I'm also very full on coconut milk, but it's made me very strong - look what I can do!
:QiqiWGS:
Everyone should also drink coconut milk and be strong like Qiqi!

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Sussy Paimon Newsroom
<:SkywardChancla:892613827915571301> New Qixing uniform revealed!

<t:1632959950:f>

Our hardworking Qixing Mods have received a visual upgrade today, sporting a new uniform using the one and only Skyward Chancla! This new state-of-the-art footwear features an aerodynamic design coupled with a stunning visual aesthetic. If Sussy didn't float, she'd definitely want one!

Unfortunately due to an error with the order, all the Chanclas received were right-footed, so the Qixing Mods are currently walking around with a single shoe. Due to budget cuts, it looks like there won't be a reorder anytime soon...

Speaking of the Qixing - with the Watatsumi army showing no signs of returning, the Shogun support has quickly died down, and with it #raiden-shogun-family has packed up to make way for #lia-fanclub! They are currently raising funds to purchase a Left Chancla - though the only supplier in the area can only guarantee a 37.5% chance of it being in stock...

#the-great-believers-of-ei have also been converted into #fish-church! When the recent fish drawing was showcased in #📣featured-works, many Travelers reported seeing visions that they describe to be a divine experience, so much so that they have started worshipping it. Church goers have taken to bringing their own fish with them for prayer, which is making the whole place stink of seafood. Locals say however that degeneral has always smelled bad, so it's really not that different from normal.

After abysmal sales, #the-diet-pepsi closed its doors today, and instead converted once again into #unknown-maid-cafe! Early reviews of this place are positive, with most of them simply thankful that they didn't decide to go for bean-filled furniture once again. None of them seem to mention anything about the food though...

Advertisement: Hey you! If you want to get buff, then you gotta lift the good stuff! Come to Schulz's Blacksmith, where we can craft your very own WGS*, and you can be just like your favorite celebrity Zombie! Order fast, because supplies are limited! *Disclaimer - WGS are Waster Greatswords. No refunds.
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Local Tavern Paper
📰 PSA from Animal Control

❗ STRANGE CREATURE SIGHTED AROUND #cafe-shrine-refuge

Please do not approach. The creature is furiously foaming at the mouth, which may indicate rabies, or some other strange disease.

If sighted, please contact animal control and do not approach. Repeat - DO NOT APPROACH

Video footage courtesy of @neat marsh

:DogeLickingIt:

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Local Tavern Paper
📰 Archaeological Discovery

A major discovery has been made today by historians researching the Archon War. @hearty musk uncovered several depictions of one particular person. Text buried with these pictures simply refer to them as:

:kek:

Due to how often this figure is depicted, researchers believe them to be God of Laughter.

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Sussy Paimon Newsroom
🎃 Spooktober is here!

<t:1633223631:f>

A new month is upon us Travelers! The Newsroom has been festively decorated - although I guess you can't actually see it... hang on why did we even do that then!? Ughh... and they made Sussy hang up all the ceiling decorations too because I just happen to float.

Well to get us into the festive spirit, our well known Funeral Director has repurposed #klee-says-last-one-to-post-is-the-winner into #haunted-house-of-qiqi! Here are some quick words from the owner herself ~

Yo yo~ did you miss me? I've been busy in other places recently deal with some... problems and ended up with all these excess Qiqi cardboard cutouts that were thrown out. So in the spirit of reusing, I've converted them into a haunted house!
I'll admit they're kinda cute looking by themselves, but I'd say a few hundred of these flying at you in the dark is more than enough to scare even the toughest Treasure Hoarder out there!

#fish-church has also finally closed it's doors after the fishy smell got too much even for the church goers to bear. The whole district is being aired out, and have returned to #degeneral in the meantime.

The smell became so strong that it even wafted near the#unknown-maid-cafe, which was subsequently forced to shut down due to poor business. The whole area is being avoided, and locals have taken to calling it #sus-town due to the number of shady people walking around.

In some more wholesome news, #lia-fanclub have graciously turned over the area to #amber-fan-club to give our favorite outrider some time in the spotlight! Drop by to play a fun little minigame called "Baron Bunny Roulette" where Travelers can take turns dancing with Baron Bunny, and whoever it explodes on is knocked out - literally!

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Local Tavern Paper
📰 National Geographic Edition

Today we bring you a short documentary of one of Teyvat's mysterious wild creatures brought to you by @short oracle

The Meta Slave

Here, we see a rare photo of a meta slave in their natural habitat. Observe the slouched pose, as they carefully contemplate which YouTube video they will watch to mindlessly absorb information from and regurgitate indefinitely to others of their kind.

You can often identify these creatures by their common use of the phrase "F2P BTW", which they like to offer at every opportunity.

Scientific classification - :monke:

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Local Tavern Paper
📰 Haunted House Review

The first reviews of #haunted-house-of-qiqi are in! Let's see what this Traveler has to say about it -

Confusing, but not Scary

I'm not sure what I was expecting, but certainly not just a bunch of Qiqi cutouts dressed up in weird ways and flying at you. I mean I've seen scarier things hanging in Xiangling's kitchen.

The scariest thing about it was just the cringe of it all... :LumineDisgust:
Rating: ★★☆☆☆

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Passionate Adventurer Newsroom
❄️ Cold wave hits Tavern

Hey Travelers! It's Mondstat's most famous (or maybe infamous) adventurer here, taking over your airwaves briefly! I had some spare time so I decided to drop by the newsroom to check it out, but turns out right as I got here their heating system completely broke! And as luck would have it, the Tavern's experiencing some unusual cold weather. Sussy's shivering too much to actually deliver the news properly, so I thought I'd volunteer! I've been stranded in way worse cold than this so I'm perfectly fine, not to worry.

While no one is quite sure why things are suddenly so chilly, many locals are suspicious of the new #cryo-abyss-café that has opened up where #sus-town used to be. The Abyss Order owners however swear they have nothing to do with the cold, and are only here to operate a legitimate business. If you do go, make sure you dress appropriately since the inside is even colder!

The fishy smell finally cleared out from #degeneral, but because of this cold wave most locals are stuck indoors and binge-watching shows. The #amazing-church-of-gumball has sprung up overnight as a craze sweeps over the area.

Finally, the #amber-fan-club ran out of Baron Bunnies to play with, and so have packed up. Instead, a relatively unknown group calling themselves #church-of-rindou have taken over the area. They seem to worship some mysterious outlander. Perhaps I'll stop by and see if I can meet them!

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Local Tavern Paper
📰 25% off at cryo-abyss-café

With the recent negative rumors spreading about the Abyss Order owned cafe, they are having a special today where Travelers will receive a 25% discount on any order over 10,000 Mora!

@rapid crystal sent in this photo of one eager customer waiting in line, after finding out that their menu includes Golden Shrimp Balls!

:KeqingWow:

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Local Tavern Paper
📰 Mistaken Identity

After the recent [Newsletter feature](#869949256818106398 message) revealing the Acting Grandmaster's fondness for sweets, Tavern goers rushed to show their support by delivering confectionary baskets to her door as thanks for all her hard work.

However, it looks like many ended up at the wrong address, and instead delivered it to a local resident instead.

:JeanneSurprised:

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Sussy Paimon Newsroom
🛠️ Newsroom operational again

Well the newsroom heater was finally fixed, just in time for the cold wave to disappear. Sussy even went shopping for a whole new outfit to stay warm, but I guess that's no longer needed... you know how hard it is to find clothes in my size!?

Many locals still blame #cryo-abyss-café for the recent cold weather, as it cleared up coincidentally around the same time they left. A local bard helped with the cleanup, using his Anemo powers to swirl away the last remains of cold. In his honor, the space has been repurposed as #venti-cafe, though it seems to be more of a bar than an actual cafe. In fact I'm not even sure they have any food items on the menu at all!

The #haunted-house-of-qiqi has finally closed to the public after a very poor reception and scathing reviews. However, it's unexpectedly gained a cult following with Travelers, now becoming the #church-of-qiqi. The worshippers have rallied behind the Winged Qiqi. You can find them regularly holding prayer sessions where everyone lies down on the ground and quietly waits for Resin.

The mysterious #church-of-rindou has quietly disappeared as well, as locals once again come out in support of the Shogun, forming #the-church-of-eternity. It looks like the Shogun's quest for eternity has created some very dedicated followers! I don't think this will be the last we see of them...

However there is some resistance to the Shogun movement, coming from none other than the degenerals. They've closed down the #amazing-church-of-gumball, instead turning their attention to loudly declaring #eula-is-better-still, as a response to the Shogun's fans. Their loud chants of "Thighs" can be heard clearly from several streets away. For anyone visiting, long pants are recommended.

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Local Tavern Paper
📰 Exclusive interviews

Today we bring you exclusive interviews from both the Shogun and the Spindrift Knight, whose simp factions have been fighting for dominance within the Tavern district.

First, let's see what the Shogun has to say about her rival:

Who?

...

Um ok. How about some words from the Knight about the Shogun then?

:no:

...

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Local Tavern Paper
📰 Sangonomiya delegation returns

After the Shogun has yet again appeared in the news, the Sangonomiya group has returned to the Tavern district. Traveler @halcyon minnow was able to get some comments from their leader.

How come there's another fight with the Shogunate and nobody invited us again? And why is it with some unknown noble from Mondstadt? I feel like this is foreign interference, and I will not stand for it! Matters that affect the citizens of Inazuma should be resolved between the citizens of Inazuma.

I don't know who this Spindrift Knight is but I'd like to ask her to stay out of our affairs!
:Kokostare:

We tried to reach out to the Knight of Favonius for a comment as well, but our reporter ran away after being threatened with vengeance. Also, completely unrelated, but we're hiring for a new position as a field reporter.

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Sussy Paimon Newsroom
🐟 Fishy smell is back

Short news report today, theres a foul smell slowly filling up the newsroom and Sussy has to evacuate soon.

Looks like the fish church is back, this time taking over #the-church-of-eternity and converting it into church-of-le-fishe. Seems like they've been joined by some of the Sangonomiya troops that recently entered the Tavern district. They've been asked to move, but no one can stand the smell long enough to actually enforce it.

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Sussy Paimon Special
📸 Local bard caught in 4k

According to my sources, someone has been sneaking around, drinking all of the Dawn Winery's alcohol reserves again... and Diluc over here refuses to file a complaint with the Knights of Favonius. Heh, I guess that guy's gonna let his pride get in the way of his own profits...

But, luckily for him, Sussy thinks she's found the culprit! Ehehehe~ Everyone, take a look at this - Exhibit A!

VentiNyoom

(Image provided kindly by a Traveler who happened to be in the area. They wish to remain anonymous.)

A suspicious green guy was caught on Kamera, fleeing from the scene of the crime! That flowy cape, the flower in his hair - there's no mistaking it!

Oh man, just wait until Diluc hears about this one...

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Local Tavern Paper
📰 Recipe corner

Today we're featuring a recipe written by a new member of the Gourmet Supremos! This is a recipe for a... :coky:? Is that right? Hm, well let's take a look -

EZ Bake Coky Recpe

400g Dendo Slime Flor
100g Hydo Slime Lickid
1 Piro Slime (Must be hot)
50g Jeo Slime shavings

Mix togeda ingredents
Cut into small roundies
Put near Piro Slime for 20 min
Yum

Well I hope their cooking abilities are better than their spelling abilities...

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Sussy Paimon Newsroom
🎪 Circus comes to town!

Unlike last time, the #church-of-le-fishe seems to have solved their smell problems and this time are not simply going away on their own. However, they still are a bad image for the Tavern district and locals have asked for them to be dealt with.

Instead of trying to get rid of them directly, the Shogunate has intervened and simply covered up the church completely by opening #raiden-shoguns-circus-of-clowns around it. The church is just now one of many bizarre attractions at the circus. Get your tickets today!

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Local Tavern Paper
📰 Public warning

The Millelith have issued a general warning for any Traveler visiting the circus due to a suspicious individual hovering around the area. He was first reported by local resident @marsh mirage after a brief encounter after a show, but so far not much is known about his intentions.

Local law enforcement describes the individual as

:devious:

So be sure to stay away from anyone matching that description.

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Local Tavern Paper
📰 Liyue Lawyer Leads Latest Lawsuit

After a recent community concert held to celebrate Xinyan's birthday, event organizers were set upon by a group of Fatui lawyers (a.k.a. Fatui Lawgunners) claiming copyright on the music used during the event. Luckily, a legal expert that attended the concert immediately intervened. After a (very) short disussion, the Fatui Lawgunners left quickly.

@tiny holly snapped this photo moments after the Fatui had left:

:SmugFei:

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Sussy made a mistake, oops!

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Sussy Paimon Newsroom
🔥 Heat wave hits Tavern

Just after the recent sudden cold weather, there's now a similarly unexpected heat wave in the Tavern district. Luckily the Newsroom was able to buy a few Cryo Slimes from the local Slime Store and Sussy is sitting on one during this broadcast to keep cool.

Once again, this rapid weather change coincides with the opening of a new Abyss Order cafe. This time, #venti-cafe has been bought and rebranded as #pyro-abyss-cafe. Still, the owners swear that the heat wave is coincidence and they have nothing to do with it whatsoever.

#raiden-shoguns-circus-of-clowns has been forced to shut down due to the unbearable heat. While it certainly was successful in preventing the Fish Church from spreading it's influence further, it definitely made the smell a lot worse by keeping it trapped under a tent. Many who went to see the circus left with a <@&898780780749266994> souvenir. For now, the place has been taken over by #sussy-bakas. These Travelers sound like fun, maybe Sussy will visit them later! I am their mascot after all...

The fanatics of #eula-is-better-still have also calmed down now that the Shogun fans are no longer active. Instead however, they've gathered around a new celebrity who was working in the Shogun's Circus in a Strongman Act. #dwayne-the-church-johnson has been started in honor of this strange outlander.

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Local Tavern Paper
📰 New dairy farm opens in Tavern District

A new dairy farm has opened up in the neighborhood, pitting itself in direct competition with local favorite Cocogoat Farms. No one is quite sure who they are or where this new business comes from, but their product is flying off the shelves!

You can find them in store under the brand

:cowmom:

Just like Cocogoat Farms though, they remain secretive about where exactly they source their milk from, refusing to reveal their trade secrets.

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Local Tavern Paper
📰 Fire at Cocogoat Farms

A small fire broke out yesterday in a cheese storage warehouse at Cocogoat Farms. The fire was reported to have been caused by a small explosion which set alight some of the wooden storage crates. Luckily, the fire was put out quickly and no cheese was harmed.

While the cause of the initial explosion is unknown, Traveler @midnight canyon did catch sight of this strange creature seen leaving the farm moments after the fire:

:meguu:

Authorities suspect foul play and are investigating.

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Sussy Paimon Newsroom
🚔 Vandalism rampant in Tavern district

As the Millelith are busy investigating the recent farm fire, it seems seems criminals are taking this opportunity to vandalize the most vulnerable neighborhoods in the area.

In the area home to #sussy-bakas, all the signs have been spray-painted with the tag #von. No one knows at all who or what this may refer to, or how they managed to cover so many signs in one night. One thing's for sure - locals are thoroughly confused.

The #church-of-qiqi too was similarly hit by a group of vandals who have replaced their signage with #church-of-ratio. While the damage here isn't as extensive as the other graffiti, the church goers are simply too busy laying down on the ground to actually do anything about it.

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Local Tavern Paper
📰 Resident Insights

Yesterday, we surveyed the neighborhood to gather the public reaction to the recent vandalism. One Traveler, who we weren't able to identify, simply made this face when asked, and continued walking without a word:

:WeirdChamp:

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Local Tavern Paper
📰 Sangonomiya Shrine Hit

Sangonomiya Shrine is the latest location to be hit by the Graffiti Vandals. Overnight, they covered several buildings with <@&898780780749266994> stickers.

Traveler @flint hinge managed to catch the Sagonomiya clan leader's reaction upon waking up to see this:

:KokoShock:

In a statement to the Millelith, the Sangonomiya Clan accused the Shogun Fan Club members to be the ones behind the attack, threatening to declare war on them if it happens again.

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Sussy Paimon Newsroom
🧍Beware the body snatchers

Ok ok, I know Sussy turned up to work late today but I have a perfectly good explanation! So get this - I was floating down the street minding my own business, and someone was handing out flyers for free food! It was too good to pass up so I grabbed one, but as soon as I touched the paper I blacked out, and when I came to my senses I was handing them out too! I guess when something's too good to be true something truly sussy is going on...

Editor's Note There has been an uptick in Nitro scams and other Discord scams. This is a good time to remind Travelers never to click suspicious links, especially ones that promise free things. Also be aware of users who reach out to you in DMs and ask you to download and run files to "test a game". Please report any suspicious activity to the Qixing Hotline, and stay safe throughout Halloween!

Ahem - well now that Sussy has recovered her senses, it's time to deliver you the news!

It seems like the Knights of Favonius have been hard at work cleaning up the #von graffiti. The effort was spearheaded this time by the one and only Spindrift Knight! Apparently she has a deep hate for vandalism. In honor of her efforts, and of her birthday, Naganohara Fireworks is putting on a show! Go check out #yoimiyas-fireworks-show, it's quite something! Also apparently it'll be going on for 3 whole days... I don't even want to think about how many explosives are involved to make that happen!

The #dwayne-the-church-johnson following has died down, but the trend of worshipping outlanders continues! The area has been repurposed for followers of the #church-of-mobius. Say, I'm pretty sure Sussy has visited that place before!

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Local Tavern Paper
📰

As always, the Naganohara fireworks display was hugely successful! The show ended with a dazzling tribute to the birthday girl, with a firework that exploded into the shape of a large sword, which then appeared to fall towards the ground, reminiscent of her famous Glacial Illumination attack.

Traveler @blazing vine captured this photo of a content onlooker during the show:

:GuobaHappy:

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Local Tavern Paper
📰 Art feature!

Today we're featuring some postcards sent in from our readers! Let's take a look!

No, this is totally not a cheap way to get through a bunch of emote requests and not have to write something for them. What are you on about!?

CheckThePins

It's dangerous to go alone. Take this emote. It protects you from using your precious slowmode to answer simple questions.

PeepoSmile

I imagine this is how our readers must react to our many great news article over the last few months!

simp

Very important in the Tavern. Make sure to hand these out readily whenever you see one. In fact let me just go ahead and pin one on myself to start...

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Sussy Paimon Newsroom
⚠️ Emergency Broadcast

O... oiii!! Why is the studio shaking so much? What's g... going ooonnn!!! What's that noise outside?! E...everyone go hide underneath a table or something!

Ah it looks like the end of #yoimiyas-fireworks-show is cancelled for safety reasons. What's this? We're getting reports that Morax is waking up from a 4000 year slumber! And he's bring up something that looks like #guili-plains directly with him, right inside the Tavern district!!!

Quick, do we have someone on the field to capture this? We do? Great! Let's cut to them now -

Yuheng Report

This is a monumental moment, we'll soon be hearing Morax speak for the first time in 4000 years. Scholars have long debated what sorts of things he could have been thinking over for all this time, waiting eagerly for this moment for him to finally impart his wisdom on us. This could be a lifechanging moment for the residents here in the Tavern district.

Shh! He's about to speak!!!
...

~uwu~ -te NANDAYO!?

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Local Tavern Paper
📰 Locals confused by Morax

The recent sudden appearance my Morax has left a lot of locals in a state of pure confusion. Many who were expecting something spectacular after the long absence are left severely disappointed.

Traveler @visual knoll forwarded us these words from our very own local Fox Priest:

Hmm it's no surprise to me Morax acted that way. He's always been somewhat of an unreliable character. It's a shame you people chose to follow him rather than Ei. This place could have been so much better. But at least you know how to have fun around here~

I know Ei hasn't shown her face around here in a while, but hopefully we see her again soon. I'm sure she has her reasons.

:YaeHopium:

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Local Tavern Paper
📰 Huge art collection donated by Shogun!

In a surprising move, the Shogun herself has just donated a large collection of artworks to the Tavern district! Check out the awesome new Stickers today!

We reached out and managed to get a statement from the Shogun herself about this!

Ah these things? I recently obtained a large collection of books on recommendation of a certain Traveler and needed to make space in my castle for them.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm pretty sure one of these is a cookbook. I want to try making a thank you meal for Miko for her kind words the other day. Surely I can at least handle Fried Tofu...

:RaidenSmile:

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Sussy Paimon Newsroom
💤 Morax once again in slumber

After a brief appearance, it looks like Morax has once again return to sleep. While most Travelers have since left #guili-plains, a few devoted followers of Morax have remained, preaching his message to all who would listen. They have gone so far as calling themselves the true members of the #sane-peoples-domain, implying that those who failed to interpret the message are the insane ones. Sussy is not sure sure about that...

Though it seems these travelers aren't the only ones inspired by the strange message from Morax. After a fairly successful run, #pyro-abyss-cafe is finally closing it's doors after being bought and converted instead to #yuheng-cafe. They appear to be serving Morax themed desserts, one of which has been named the "uwu cake". As much as Sussy loves food, that one doesn't sound good to me...

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Local Tavern Paper
📰 FOOLISH TRAVELER

You expected a news article, but it was ME, your favorite Fatui Harbinger.

:ScaraGloat:

Anyway I just came by to steal some stationary, don't mind me. Bye!

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Sussy Paimon Newsroom
Special Halloween Broadcast

Outlanders, your journey ends here. The arrogation of mankind ends now!

:QiqiFallen:

The Herald of Unmet Expectations, Qiqi of the End, has descended upon this mortal plane to remind you all of your place-- huh? Sussy’s scaring the Tavern’s patrons? Ehehe…

Um, anyway, look at Qiqi’s Halloween costume! Isn’t it cool?! It almost feels like she’s the mascot for a revolution against Celestia, or something… bringing chaos and mass destruction wherever she goes! Yup, Sussy thinks Qiqi’s gonna win the Halloween costume contest for sure!

“... The cataclysm has already happened?” Sussy doesn’t understand what you mean, but I think it’s great that you’re in the Halloween spirit, Traveler!

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Sussy Paimon Newsroom
Unscheduled Broadcast

H...help! The people of #sane-peoples-domain have gone insane! Sussy was just passing by the other day and suddenly a bunch of them ran after me shouting #paimon-supremacy-ehe-gamr-power. I've boarded myself up in the newsroom for now, but I can still hear them chanting outside! I don't know what's gotten into them...

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Local Tavern Paper
📰 Historical Adepti texts uncovered!

Today we bring you an amazing archaeological discovery made by researchers recently regarding our very own Adepti!

Here is an excerpt from the article, written by @viscid jewel and sponsored by @cerulean lava:

According to ancient Liyue scriptures, there was once a Seal Adepti that sheltered the waters of Liyue. It was said that demons who approach him leave none but ashes and regrets. All except one, one unnamed devilish monster that lay hold of unexpected strength in which the Seal Adepti eventually falls to after a fierce battle. In his final moments, his mind is filled with sorrow and guilt, feeling that he has failed the people of Liyue and Morax himself. With all his might, he creates another version of himself, one who could travel on land and finish all his unfulfilled wishes. And thus born the Seal Pony, the legendary illuminated Adeptibeast.

Legends has it that it enjoys eating fishes covered in only the most exquisite chocolate, and loves to “bonk” demons and all people with malicious intent alike… What..? I guess it inherits some interesting traits from its predecessor.

The researchers have dubbed their new discovery:
:Rem:

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Local Tavern Paper
📰 Advertisement

Traveler! Did a talking shrine cat just throw up all over your Sereniteapot? Did you break your monitor after getting that R2 Elegy for the End and now you have rubble all over the floor?

Well call the best cleaning crew this side of the ocean. No job too big or too small, the Yashiro Cleaning Commission will do it all!

:ThomaThumbsUp:

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Sussy Paimon Newsroom
November is here!

Phew, well it finally looks like #paimon-supremacy-ehe-gamr-power is done. Sussy spent the last 3 days in hiding and it seems they've quickly moved on, forming #church-of-ganyu. Say, I haven't seen her in a while since she filled in on the news broadcast. I wonder when she'll show up again...

#yuheng-cafe has closed its doors after a somewhat unsuccessful opening. Looks like people weren't a huge fan of the Morax themed menu. In it's place, #albedos-chemistry-lab has opened up! Wait... do they even sell food? Lets see... I have a flyer for them right here, and it reads:

Come to Albedo's Chemistry Lab, where nothing looks like food, but we guarantee everything is perfectly safe to eat and contains all the necessary nutrients to sustain a human being.
I hope their chefs are better than their marketing department.

Looks like the residents of #church-of-mobius is up to no good, once again poaching the name of #general to confuse new Travelers.

And finally, the #church-of-ratio seems to be closing it's doors and being replaced with... oh boy what is this *deep breath* ... replaced with #since-the-limit-is-100-letters-then-that-s-mean-i-can-theoretically-put-as-much-as-100-letters-right . I don't even want to imagine how much Mora that sign must have cost!

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Local Tavern Paper
📰 Albedo Chemistry Lab reviews

Today we have several quick reviews about the new restaurant. Let's take a read!

Disclaimer: The Travelers involved may not have actually said what's written. Their handwriting was so bad we had trouble reading it in some cases so we just made it up based on what we could piece together. Please don't sue...

⭐⭐

@solid spire

I ordered the ice cream for dessert, but the ice cream stayed frozen forever, even after I ate it! At first it was neat, but then you realize you can't actually eat ice cream that doesn't melt at all! Science has gone too far.

:SeriousLaugh:

Hm now that you mention it, that would be a problem
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

@silent pulsar

Mmmmm yeah, Albedo...

:LipBite:

Um... this was meant to be a review for the food, not the staff
⭐

This one was taped to the front of a golden statue that showed up at our door:

Help I ordered the :ExpensiveKek: and after one bite I turned into solid gold. Please contact my lawyer on my behalf - @near abyss

I wonder how much this would sell for... maybe we'll pretend we never got that note... Wait no don't write that down and put it into the paper, delete DELETE-
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Local Tavern Paper
📰 Lost & Found

Missing Adeptibeast
Need help capturing a pet Adeptibeast. It... escaped... recently, yes that's it. Ran away. Very fast. Answers to Cocogoat. What does it look like? Um... you're smart, you should know. No time for me to describe it. I can't afford all those extra words.

Big reward. Please deliver directly to Bubu Pharmacy, but don't give it to the green hair man (he's evil), deliver directly to the reception desk.

:QiqiLurk:

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Sussy Paimon Newsroom
⚖️ Law Amendment Passed

Ahem, before the regularly scheduled broadcast we have an announcement regarding a recent amendment to Tavern Law. We got a lot of complaints the last time we let Wise Lawyer do the broadcast since it got... wordy... really fast so this time we'll show a pre-recorded message instead!

Liyue Harbor Law Firm
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Genshin Tavern, Teyvat - November 7, 2021

Travelers, Liyue Harbor Law Firm is pleased to announce an updated version of Tavern’s rules and guidelines. These changes have been issued by the Winemaster and entrusted in the hands of Liyue Harbor Law in an attempt to bring clarity to the code of conduct in this bar. Upon examining the new clauses, Travelers should be relieved to find a new sense of understanding in regards to behavioral expectations, and any past ambiguity should be settled. Liyue Harbor Law Firm takes pride in handling the requests of clients with top levels of care and efficiency, and we hope that this notice - and the antecedent changes - will find everyone well.

About Liyue Law Firm: We are th top legal company in all of Liyue, and proficient in a wide range of matters - from commercial litigation, to civil mediation, to criminal lawsuits. Initial consultations are free of charge, and we are always accepting new clients.

Questions about this Press Release?
Please reach us by using the Qixing Hotline.

Oi! That was still so long! Hmph that doesn't leave much time for the rest of the news so Sussy will keep it brief. Our viewers will have to figure out more about these new names themselves.

#general (the degeneral one, not to be confused with actual general) has been changed to #father-i-crave-violence. Doesn't sound like a very healthy obsession...

#church-of-ganyu has closed its doors, and they are now celebrating #kazu-shai-ship!

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Local Tavern Paper
📰 RECALL NOTICE

The Teyvat Food and Saftey Administration has just recalled :perrovolando:off the shelves for potential safety concerns. Anyone who purchased any of this are advised to leave it somewhere conspicuous for the Treasure Hoarders to take and hopefully get sick from.

@swift blade snapped this photo of one customer that raised a complaint after their pet cat at Wangshu Inn got sick after ingesting some of it. Sources say there's... not much left of the complaint office building.

:XiaoREEE:

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Sussy Paimon Newsroom
⚗️ Loud explosion in café district

Last night, there was a loud explosion in the direction of #albedos-chemistry-lab, and this morning residents woke up to find the entire restaurant missing, and only #_ left. Luckily, no one seems to have been inside when the building disappeared, but Travelers are warned not to get too close while the Milileth investigate the area.

In other news, the #kazu-shai-ship has sailed (heh...) and the front entrance has been repurposed to celebrate those who perished in the Inazuma war. The main event will be #teppeis-funeral, which is finally being held after many months with permission from the Sangonomiya forces.

With the memorial services going on, #father-i-crave-violence has been told to stop and celebrate peaceful things instead. The residents of degeneral have now gone to calling themselves #not-so-off-topic

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Local Tavern Paper
📰 Potential Suspect in Café Case

New surveillance footage has been released on the night the café disappeared. This figure was seen moments before the building sunk into the ground, after which she too mysteriously disappeared into the ground too.

If you see a person matching the description :MobiusDerp:, do not approach them as they are deemed dangerous, and contact local authorities immediately.

Artist credit - HoYoLAB post

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Local Tavern Paper
📰 Final Issue

After 2 months of bringing you the local news, this paper has reached it's last page! We... kind of ran out of Mora after spending too much on color printing. Pictures are expensive!!

Anyway, a few hours ago we were chased out of our head office by debt collectors. We bring you one last photo our security cameras captured of the leader, who we only know as :MadameChancla:. Everyone knows you don't mess with an old lady with a shoe.

Stay tuned for the regularly scheduled news broadcasts as usual~

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Sussy Paimon Newsroom
🤷 Café Mystery Unsolved

The authorities have no leads on the disappeared café, and as usual Albedo is nowhere to be found for questions. The location has been sold already to new owners (for cheap, due to it's history), who've put up #cavies-comfy-cafe. Let's hope nothing bad happens to it...

#teppeis-funeral has completed. Everyone was left depressed afterwards, but our favorite outride stopped by to cheer everyone up with a nice display of archery skills. Locals are celebrating #amber-supremacy in her honor.

Finally, the long forgotten theatre district has also undergone a rennovation. 🔈Cult of Chili but its the ship and the food has changed over into 🔈The Forgotten Jukebox. Well at least the name is more accurate now, but I don't see how that's going to draw in more customers

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New Emote!

:Ayayaka:

New emote!

Submitted by @karmic patio
:VentiLipBite:

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New emote!

:yatta:

New emote!

Submitted by @marsh mirage
:scream1:

New emote!

Submitted by @hearty musk
:FubukiDoubt:

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Abyss Order Newsroom
🏴‍☠️ All your base are belong to us!

KNEEL BEFORE ME, TAVERN DWELLERS! It is I, the Abyssal Sibling, here to take over your puny server! The newsroom has been seized in the name of the Abyss Order, and as they say, whoever controls the information controls all!!

Hm? The title is a boomer reference? Wha... a HAHAH that was completely intended! I'm over 500 years old after all, and I purposely chose it to show my superior knowledge! Tremble!!!

I can't believe you let us open two restaurants in this place. Infiltrating this place was... a PIECE OF CAKE. We even bankrupted some dumb newspaper and replaced it with boring postcards instead, and no one noticed.

We've taken over your Tavern banner too, just so you don't forget the Abyss Order is in control now. To show you we mean business, we're even going to rename all your roads to confuse you!!! Fufufu, our evil knows no bounds!

(Hm? wa.. wait they do that all the time already? What kind of messed up place did we invade... couldn't we have just gone to Fontaine instead? What what do you mean it's not released yet, what does that even mean?)

Oh this thing's still on. Well you know I'm going to rename it anyway, and you can't stop me!

#amber-supremacy no more! Say hello to #the-abyss!!

#not-so-off-topic no longer so! It's now #gumball-endorsed-arcane-chat! I'm not sure what gumball is, but I'm all for a place that practices arcane magics. Sounds like the perfect place to find Abyss Order recruits!

#cavies-comfy-cafe is shut down! Time to go back to doing experiments where things disappear - we're reopening #albedos-and-sucrose-chemistry-lab, but now they work for US!!

And you, Pyro Mage, find me that Abyss Lector who recommended I use that line in the title... they have some explaining to do. Don't we have any recruits that can provide me with less stale jokes?! Also CAN SOMEONE FIND A WAY TO TURN THIS MICROPHONE OFF BEFORE I PORTAL EVERYONE OFF A CLIFF LIKE A COMMON HILICHURL
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Abyss Lector Diaries
📖 Day 1 - Sunny

Patrolled down main street today to spread the glorious word of the Abyss Order. Got a lot of stares - probably people who were awed by my presence. I've practiced these lines a lot in my mirror so I know they're intimidating!

"Behold! The Abyss has come!"

:MilizeConfused: - ah yes this one. This is certainly a face of one who has been so touched by my words that they have been left speechless!

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Abyss Lector Diaries
📖 Day 2 - Cloudy

Today I encountered a small human child looking up into a tree. Following the gaze, I spotted some small, furry creature that appeared to be taunting him, making aggressive hissing noises. The small child looked to me and pointed at the rude creature, and I knew what to do immediately.

"The gift... of grace"

Needless to say, the creature was obliterated into dust. Such is the might of the Abyss Order! I looked towards the child triumphantly.

:PepeHands: - ah yes, an expression of pure joy to the point of tears at watching your enemies be decimated in front of you. I know it all too well. I hope this child one day grows into a fine recruit for the Order!

PS: Oh of course I made sure to collect those tears too, they should not go to waste. It's a valuable resource to power the magics of our Hydro Abyss Mages.

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Abyss Order Newsroom
𒆙 I Will Have (Abyss) Order

Alright well we finally figured out the machinery in this newsroom. It's pretty poorly built, almost like it burned down once and was quickly rebuilt overnight... heh like that could happen!

Anyway you all seem to be enjoying these new street names too much, so it's time to take them away from you again, just so you know that NOTHING IS SAFE FROM THE ABYSS!

#the-abyss itself isn't even safe from the Abyss!! I've decided to make it #teriri-daishouri!! How does it feel to be under the banner of someone not even from this WORLD!!!

Wait not even this is a new thing?! By the Herald... what hasn't happened here then. What if we just blow up this newsroom to make a statement? ... THAT TOO!?

We're also putting a stop to the magical research since that hasn't produced any meaningful results. We'll be turning over #gumball-endorsed-arcane-chat over to the #cult-of-4ace which seems ot have taken over there already. They seem like an evil bunch.

#albedos-and-sucrose-chemistry-lab has also lost it's usefulness, and we're just going to turn it into the #raven-not-so-comfy-bar-and-café. We didn't manage to figure out how to replicate the whole disappearing building thing, but we did find a new way to make the most uncomfortable chairs in existence!

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Abyss Lector Diaries
📖 Day 4 - Cloudy

I walked by the riverbank today and came across some teenage humans playing "Abyss Mages", splashing water at each other and dancing around. What a great sight to see! I thought to myself that they weren't dressed appropriately for it and decided to take it upon myself to remedy the situation.

After "liberating" some masks from a nearby Hilichurl camp, I returned to the riverbank and presented these humans with my gifts so that they could better look like the Abyss Mages they were pretending to be!

:ImFine: - ah, what smiles I brought to their faces!! Hm although come to think of it the smiles may have been painted onto the masks. No matter, they seemed to enjoyed themselves well enough. I stayed a while and watched them dance. They will probably need to do better if they are to join the ranks of the Abyss Order though, their moves were awfully shaky.

The one called @strange tangle was particularly promising. I'll have to find them again later.

"Peace and hope find you"

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Hey <@&865773069695582208> !

Sussy notices about more than 200k of you wander around the Tavern without something to protect yourselves, from monsters, or from thieves... So Sussy decided to let a fellow Blacksmith open a Shop and a Forge to help y'all equip yourself with something on your journey around Teyvat!

Come take a look at #869142014552309760 for details on how to use the Tavern's all new system: Item System~

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Abyss Lector Diaries
📖 Day 5 - Rainy

Not good, I messed up. The Abyss Queen was not pleased with my suggestion for her debut line when she took over the Tavern district. It seems I need to read more modern material... I've literally been reading the same book for years now.

Her expression... :Loomine: was not visibly upset, but that makes it worse. I'm not sure what punishment awaits, but so far she has done nothing... which is even scarier.

"In the name of the truth!"

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Abyss Order Newsroom
📚 Diaries of a Wimpy Lector

I hope you've all been enjoying reading the inner thoughts of some old, stinky Abyss Lector. How's THAT for embarrassing eh? That'll teach YOU to embarrass the Abyss Queen in her one moment of triumph in front of the Tavern District. I'm impressed at my own ability to come up with such a cruel and ironic punishment HAHA!! I hope this'll teach all of you not to cross me, or else!

Well anyway I'm sure you're all eager to hear from your wonderful over_lady_ today. Say, why's everyone suddenly so interested in weapons all of a sudden... I hope you're not trying to plan a revolt or anything. Hey, do me a favor and absolutely don't check out #869142014552309760. You definitely don't need any weapons. Just enjoy being ruled over by yours truly.

I mean look at all these wonderful changes I'm making! Like... hey we're all sick of #teriri-daishouri right? Well you all seemed to like that time Morax dropped in to UwU all of you, so have fun with #general-chan!

And look I can be nice too. I think our experiments in #raven-not-so-comfy-bar-and-cafe have gone too far - I was in there the other day and wanted to get something to eat, but the seats were worse than sitting on some Ruin Grader's hand! Let's just turn it back into #comfy-cafe-v2 and have a good time!

And looks like the #cult-of-4ace has evolved now into #4ace-domain! I... didn't even know that was a thing!? Is this how those domains in Teyvat are created then? Interesting... I wonder if they'll drop artifacts if I start attacking the degenerals... note to self, will have to try that later!

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Abyss Lector Diaries
📖 Day 7 - Sunny

I will not make outdated memes and embarrass the Order
I will not make outdated memes and embarrass the Order
I will not make outdated memes and embarrass the Order
I will not make outdated memes and embarrass the Order
I will not make outdated memes and embarrass the Order
I will not make outdated memes and embarrass the Order
I will not make outdated memes and embarrass the Order
I will not make outdated memes and embarrass the Order
I will not make outdated memes and embarrass the Order
I will not make outdated memes and embarrass the Order
I will not make outdated memes and embarrass the Order
I will not make outdated memes and embarrass the Order
I will not make outdated memes and embarrass the Order
I will not make outdated memes and embarrass the Order

:kirby: my face right now... ok only 99 pages left to go...

"The truth... shall set you free"

What? Yeah ok you can stop there. We're not paying the printing fee for the rest of the pages. Although page 69 has a pretty hilarious drawing, I think he started losing his mind around there.

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🧾 Abyss Order Application # 4413
Name

:4ACE:

Current occupation

I, am the one true master of degeneral. The queen who will lead the degenerate masses to their salvation as they rise to take their rightful place above those in ge-[MAXIMUM CHARACTER LIMIT REACHED]

About me

Kukuku. You think a mere word limit can stop me? I am not bound by your mortal rules! Behold, as I simply continue this monologue directly into the next section! St-[MAXIMUM CHARACTER LIMIT REACHED]

The most evil thing I have done

You know not of what you ask! To one such as I who has witnessed the coming and going of countless universes, such simplistic notions of good and evil no longer exis-[MAXIMUM CHARACTER LIMIT REACHED]

Processed By

@warm carbon

Verdict

REJECTED

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Abyss Order Newsroom
💸 Budget cuts

WHAT. KIND. OF. MESSED. UP. PLACE. DID. WE. INVADE?!

I can't believe it, it's been just over a week and we've already lost so so much Mora just keeping this place up and running. I thought it was a little too easy to invade... I'm beginning to think the old owners just didn't want anything more to do with the place and dumped it in our hands.

Like today we discovered a stash of building permits, some of which are TWO MONTHS OLD!! What is going on!? Well you know what, we can't afford to keep rebuilding the Tavern Square every few days, so we're going to go ahead and scrap that whole thing altogether. Starting today, we'll no longer be accepting forms for #general reconstruction.

Our Abyss Lector Lawyer team tells me though we can't remove all of them without getting sued to Oblivion (I've been there, it's not a nice place, trust me), so we'll still honor some of these very old permits, but we've gone ahead and voided the newer ones. Hopefully this stops some of the Mora bleed...

Anyway #general-chan is getting too weird. That was definitely a mistake. Never again. For now we're trying to recoup some Mora by selling off that space to the highest bidder, so say hello to #guizhong5394-appreciation! I don't know who this Traveler is, but they paid up fair and square!

#4ace-domain seems to be having some internal struggle, and we've been told there's currently a #war-for-degeneral. We're not really interested in stopping this feud, in fact we're better off letting it happen and selling weapons off to both sides, so that's what we're gonna do.

#comfy-cafe-v2 is undergoing rennovations and is now #please-help-im-being-held-hostage-by-the-abyss af-... wait who allowed this? Uh... pretend you didn't hear that, there's nothing suspicious going on in the cafe district. What do you mean the signs are already printed and we can't afford to print new ones!? Ugh...

Well also to cut costs, #since-the-limit-is-100-letters-then-that-s-mean-i-can-theoretically-put-as-much-as-100-letters-right is just too damned long and we can't afford all those letters. We're trimming it down to #corn-lovers. Corn happens to be pretty cheap to supply, so for a while all our food stalls are just gonna sell corn for ridiculously marked up prices.

Also if you see anyone "pretending" to be a debt collector asking after me, that's definitely a Fatui Harbinger and you should definitely run away and not tell them anything. OK!?

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CONFIDENTIAL - Abyss Resources
🧾 Abyss Order Application # 740
Name

:sustao:

Current occupation

Um... definitely a crewma- I mean Traveler!

About me

Hoho, isn't that a bit bold of you? Asking a lady about personal details so quickly. I'm pretty secretive about things...

The most evil thing I have done

Hm... probably faking a job interview to infiltrate an organization after finding out they've been stealing my business. Say, have you met my ghost friend?

Processed By

@wild forum HOSPITALIZED FOR BURNS

Verdict

REJECTED
DANGEROUS INDIVIDUAL

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CONFIDENTIAL - Abyss Resources
🧾 Abyss Order Application # 8133
Name

:KleeHype:

Current occupation

Fisher! Master Jean sent me here and said there'd be fish here for me to blow up. Can you tell me where to find them?

About me

Um... I didn't expect there'd be so many questions to a fishing trip, I'm not sure what to say... Hey! How about I show you my special Fishing Dodoco instead, here!

The most evil thing I have done

Look, when you light the fuse it makes bubbles! Isn't that awesome? Albedo helped me make these. Oh, um if you don't find me fish soon for this you're going to go BO-[MAXIMUM CHARACTER LIMIT REACHED]

Processed By

@solid spire UNCONSCIOUS IN HOSPITAL

Verdict

REJECTED
DANGEROUS INDIVIDUAL

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Abyss Order Newsroom
🚫 Leaking PROHIBITED

Ok so who is the one leaking all of our internal hiring documents? When I find out who it is I'm gonna crush them underneath a Ruin Grader I swear to Celestia... it's honestly not a good look for the Abyss Order okay, it's well known we have trouble getting new recruits and this kind of publicity isn't quite helping so STOP IT!!

Until the person responsible owns up to it, we're cutting off the corn supply! So no more #corn-lovers. Someone paid us good Mora to turn it into #justadreamerr so I guess you can just all pretend to eat in your dreams and starve for all I care!

Also it looks like #guizhong5394-appreciation has expired. For now, it's time to celebrate some renegades who I think would be perfect to join the Abyss Order hint hint, so if you see members of #kazuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-cult tell them to fill in an application.

And it looks like #war-for-degeneral has been put to a stop, as both sides suddenly realized they had much more in common than apart, and now the whole place is #wholesome apparently. Yuck. Probably time we blow up the place once and for all, but it's a surprisingly good Mora maker...

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CONFIDENTIAL - Abyss Resources
🧾 Abyss Order Application #1077
Name

:CottonCry:

Current occupation

What now? Sorry I must be in the wrong place, I'm trying to get home.

About me

Me? Well as you can see I'm clearly a cookie, but I'm obviously in the wrong universe so if you don't mind pointing me in the right direction I'll be on my way.

The most evil thing I have done

Listen, why do you keep ignoring me and asking me these questions? Also... wait what is that hungry look you have there... stay back! Sugar's bad for you don't you k-[MAXIMUM CHARACTER LIMIT REACHED]

Processed By

DELETED

Verdict

APPLICANT MISSING

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Abyss Order Newsroom
🏢 Abyss Recruitment Drive

O.. okay look these HR reports don't look great, I get it. But you know the Abyss Order is a wonderful place to work! We have great benefits - things like free travel through our company portals, an entire tower with 12 whole floors that you can rent and use as needed, and your own personal Abyss Mage that you can send to annoy people in your life that really deserve it (though we're currently out of the Hydro Mage option, those are popular).

A-anyway look we even teamed up with some locals to show just how relatable we can be! #kazuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-cult will be converted into #eula-lawrence-noble-court, whose family we hear is very well known around here. They did donate a lot recently to the Order, but that really has nothing to do with them being advertised at all.

Also, we should dispel the rumors surrounding the latest leak and #please-help-im-being-held-hostage-by-the-abyss. No, our cafe desserts are definitely not sourced from some kind sentient, cookie creature. That's ridiculous! Any resemblance to anything like that is a pure coincidence. This is just a rumor started by the Knights of Favonius to make us look bad. Anyway that was just a placeholder name until we could afford to rebrand properly into #khaenriah-cafe.

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BREAKING NEWS!

Locals reported a mysterious sound coming from what it appears to be a dungeon. Intervention forces were sent for further investigation. The head-chief Police delineated that these mysterious sounds were becoming intense after closer inspection but still inaudible.

The path seemed to be blocked by what appeared to be a portal that said "ad astra abysus". The engineering team managed to succesfully destroy this portal it was actually a stone with a portal painted on it, freeing the access to the dungeon.

Inside this dungeon a mysterious voice kept screaming KIANA IS UNKOWN GODDESS but authorities reported more voices audible within the entrance of the dungeon.

UNKNOWN GODDESS IS PAIMON YOU UNCULTURED SWINE said the other mysterious voice. The dungeon was intensively dark, smelled like cheetos and as if someone didn't shower for days. Authorities barely had vision.

Once the forces achieved the final destination, a group of people was found. Highly intelectual individuals with pale skin, glasses, braces and stained shirts with the Triquetra symbol on it (was this some sort of cult?). Never before this type of human breed has been seen, neither they seemed happy about our presence. The local investigation named this new human race lore-nerds.

The lore-nerds self-proclaimed themselves as the SUStainers of Nerdly Lore-Principles. This forbidden society purpose was to investigate and build theories about this game called Genshin Impact. Apparently, the screams coming from this place were actually from two lore-nerds that were fighting over who had the best theory about Kiana (But isn't she from Honkai?).

Because of the dungeon's low oxygen-levels, some authorities start fainting while others couldn't stand the smell anymore and ran away. The head-chief decided to retreat and ceased the investigation immediately. The nerds started attacking with what appeared to be pillows of anime girls, their utmost weapon.

They successfully defeated us. The human race shall revenge for this ridiculous upfront.

WARNING!
Please stay away from #📚lore-dungeon. Very HOSTILE creatures.

Don't say we didn't warn you!
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CONFIDENTIAL - Abyss Resources
🧾 Abyss Order Application #1231
Name

:MeiKnife:

About me

Hm, I'm taking a break from my usual duties and instead diving into a newfound passion for cooking, so I'm applying to be your Chef.

Why you want to join the Abyss Order

Well see those who taste my food have a tendency to... die... painfully. So I thought I'd volunteer somewhere where the subjects are more expendable.

The most evil thing I have done

I don't do evil, only practical. For instance I'm finding myself in need of red food dye. But instead I thought why not use the blood of some unsuspecting interviewe-[MAXIMUM CHARACTER LIMIT REACHED]

Processed By

@quartz wedge IN HOSPITAL - MULTIPLE STAB WOUNDS

Verdict

REJECTED
DANGEROUS INDIVIDUAL

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CONFIDENTIAL - Abyss Resources
🧾 Abyss Order Application #7123
Name

:true:

About me

Yes I heard you have an recent opening with your Lectors, correct? After that one got fired? I'm interested in joining.

Why you want to join the Abyss Order

Well personally I think you could use someone like me to bring a bit more... depth to your organization you know? It's hardly intimidating right now.

What are your skills

You're hearing it. You'll certainly get more recruits with me preaching for you. Listen - *ahem*

True...
Wait no what's that line you always say
Truth...

Processed By

@tribal geyser

Verdict

HIRED

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Abyss Order Newsroom - Sponsored by Diet Pepsi
🥤And now, a quick word from our sponsors

Ugh... do... do we have to do this? We're so desperate for Mora that it's come down to being shills? Or at least couldn't we have chosen some better advertisers? Surely the Funeral Parlor could use some extra advertising. What do you mean they're doing well with all the recent hospitlizations?! Maybe it's time we cut the medical insurance...

Oh we're live! Ahem!

Welcome to your regularly scheduled broadcast, brought to you by the delicious flavor of Sunsettia Diet Pepsi - same great flavor, 0 calories! Oh Celestia I'm going to die of cringe.

To celebrate the release of this delicious new beverage, #eula-lawrence-noble-court will be converted to #the-diet-pepsi! Not only that, we'll also be converting #wholesome to #the-diet-pepsi-2! Double the channels for double the flavor! Wait they bought out TWO whole districts??

Uh... and our second sponsor is #bubu-pharmacy, who will be taking over #khaenriah-cafe! Go there today for free samples of their latest medical products. Some say a healthy diet is the best medicine, but here at Bubu Pharmacy we believe medicine is the best medicine.

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CONFIDENTIAL - Abyss Resources
🧾 Abyss Order Application #8077
Name

:ChildeButt:

About me

Now now comrade, don't tell me you haven't heard of me! Enough with the jokes, I thought this was a serious interview.

Why you want to join the Abyss Order

The what now? Ah I see what happened, I must have come to the wrong job interview, I was applying for a modelling gig. I mean otherwise why would I send that picture

What are your skills

Me? I've got many skills! Did you know I can incapacitate enemies without even touching them? All I need to do is to turn around like so, and strike a pose!

Processed By

@quick gust - HOSPITALIZED FOR BLOOD LOSS FROM EXCESSIVE NOSEBLEED

Verdict

PENDING SECOND ROUND

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CONFIDENTIAL - Abyss Resources
🧾 Abyss Order Application #8077-b
Name

:ChristmasCake:

General Screening

Ho ho, I wasn't expecting for you to call me back! What happened to the last person? Hospital you say... well that's unfortunate. Maybe I should go pay a visit as an apology.

Anyway I covered myself up a bit this time so that it doesn't happen again. Festive, isn't it?

Hey hey, eyes up here, Comrade!

Now anyway to cut to the chase - I don't really have any interest in working for your order you know. After the last one of you toppled over so quickly, I don't think you people are worth my time. A little on the weak side for my tastes.

But hey I'm flattered. Though if you come across anyone else strong, you should let me know... I'll be more than happy to test them for you.

Processed By

@grand jay HOSPIT- oh wait no this one's fine. Sorry I just got so used to writing that out of habit

Verdict

OFFER REJECTED

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Abyss Order Newsroom
🎞️ And now, a quick word from our (new) sponsors

I guess some of you noticed last broadcast was all ads and no news. Well too bad! The only news is the ads, so that's what you'll get! There's only one channel in the Tavern district anyway so it's not like you really have a choice in it. If you don't like it then go outside and touch some grass (actually don't, stay in and keep watching we need the views to get our ad money).

Anyway our sponsorship with #the-diet-pepsi and #the-diet-pepsi-2 ran out. For now though we received a nice hefty donation for #cowmom-appreciation-channel, and we'll also be returning the #degeneral channel back to its roots.

We also have some foreign sponsors getting involved this time around. #justadreamerr's space has been cleaned up to make room for offices of #the-daily-hyperion-newsroom. Seems like they were looking to relocate to a different universe to take advantage of cheaper labor costs. They also bought a lot of the unused printing equipment from the previous Tavern Paper, so good for them.

#bubu-pharmacy was forced to shut down due to some controversial "foods" it was peddling and is under investigation by the Teyvat Food and Drug Commission. In the meantime, we've sold it to a foreign pop-up restaurant: #super-idol. Hang on, why is water the only thing on the menu... I thought this was meant to be a restaurant? Well as long as they're paying for it I guess...

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CONFIDENTIAL - Abyss Resources
🧾 Abyss Order Application #3714
Name

:EulaBlush:

About me

M... me? I'm Captain of the Reconnaissance Company with the Knights of Favonius. Just so you know I'm not here by choice.

Why you want to join the Abyss Order

I don't really. Amber just suggested that I do this to "gain experience talking to people", so that's all. It's hard to talk her out of things when she insists...

What are your skills

I dance. Do... do you... d- you know what nevermind. Amber said I should ask questions too but I don't have any interest in your answer anyway. This is a waste of ti-[MAXIMUM CHARACTER LIMIT REACHED]

Processed By

REDACTED

Verdict

OFFER REJECTED

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Abyss Order Newsroom
🌶️ Guoba Gossip

Alright so the advertising angle wasn't working out so well. Our sponsors ditched us after they realized no one was actually paying attention anymore once we replaced all the news with ads... so instead now we're renting out the broadcast equipment to local businesses! Today we're bringing you the mascot of Wanmin Restaurant itself! Take it away-

Guoba: : ❗❗... 🎶🎵🧸🌶️

Hang on does this thing even talk...?

Guoba: ♪♪🐄 #cowmom-appreciation-channel 🎵 🎉🧸🌶️ #guoba-supremacy 🎶🎶

Wait how did those subtitles appear, I didn't know we could do that

Guoba: 📰🏢❗ #the-daily-hyperion-newsroom ♪🎵✨🤔🔮 #orb-pondering-session ♪

Feels like we've really gone back in time here with a silent broadcast featuring a dancing bear with text flashing on the screen

Guoba: 🎵 #degeneral🚫❗ #abyss-go-back-degenral-is-ours 😠❗🌶️🌶️🎵🎶

Wait what is it saying now quick pull the plug, cut it, NO-

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CONFIDENTIAL - Abyss Resources
🧾 Abyss Order Application #310994
Name

:FloppaPS1:

About me

meow

Why you want to join the Abyss Order

... meow ... meeeow

What are your skills

purrrrrrr

Processed By

@lean stratus

Verdict

REJECTED
PLEASE SCREEN OUT ANIMALS FROM OUR APPLICATIONS PLEASE

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CONFIDENTIAL - Abyss Resources
🧾 Abyss Order Application #84760
Name

:MangoPat:

About me

Oh hello, yes. I've worked on at Dawn Winery for quite a few years now. Looking for a change of scenery, you know!

Why you want to join the Abyss Order

I'm not particularly interested in the Abyss Order itself, but I haven't seen that type of job posting before and I think it will be a good use of my unique skills.

What are your skills

Oh I'm glad you asked. Here, I brought my own mango too, straight from the farm. My patting technique is unrivaled, watch!

I think I'd make a great Mango Kinky

Processed By

@ocean umbra

Verdict

REJECTED
APPLICANT MISREAD MAGUU KENKI

unique thornBOT
#

Come find out what's new in the Tavern, <@&865773069695582208>!

What's that in the sky? is it a bird, a plane? Oh... no.
IT'S A WEIRD LOOKING SLEIGH! and a person riding on it...?

TAVERNERS, WE HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT!

During our scout expeditions, we noticed a sleigh filled with presents and a person controlling it flying above Teyvat. After returning from the expedition, we researched this anonymous tradition, and we concluded it's "Christmas".
Later that night, one of our Abyss Heralds decided to follow the smoke track that came from the sleigh, and it led to the top of the Dragonspine Mountain. It dropped a bunch of Miscellaneous Items along the way, so the Herald decided to pick them up and bring these items back to us~

So we decided to sell these items as decoration at a higher price!

We have to get out of debt one way or another.
Introducing the new and improved Item Shop!

The Item Shop now has a new look and easier navigation!

Simply use the .itemshop command in #item-cmds to access the Item Shop.
Clicking on Collectibles will give you access to the all new Collectible Shop, where you can buy new Winter 2021 Limited Collectibles we have available!

And for the season, equipping (with .equip command) these new items will give you an icon role that has "Christmas vibes" - for only 100 Mora, each!
The Collectibles currently on sale will go away forever on <t:1640966400:f>, so get them while it still lasts~

Lector: Yo Herald, we're rich baby!
Herald: Silence! I'm making my speech here!

Keep in mind, role icon effects will also dissipate when the season ends on <t:1640966400:f>, but the collectibles stay in your inventory forever (check your inventory with .pf or .inventory)!

New events are available!

[See all new #current-events](#📅tavern-events message "#📅tavern-events message")

Ah, we can't have this "Christmas" without some new events! Simply access the link above for all the information about these festive events!

No Abyss Mages were bullied during these messages.
Just when you thought it can't get any better...
SECRET SANTA IS LIVE AND READY!

Our Abyss Herald just came back from the toy factory with awesome information about a tradition called "Secret Santa". In this, Travelers will send Presents or Miscellaneous items to cheer up their day!
More info can be found in [section 4. SECRET SANTA IS COMING TO TOWN~ of #current-event channel](#📅tavern-events message "#📅tavern-events message")

What was that person's name? Al... Al... Ah! Alfredo!
unique thornBOT
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Resistance Broadcast
🐕 Change is upon us!

Codename Excitable Dog, General of the Resistance forces! We've hijacked the Abyss Network while they're busy with Christmas events to let you know that liberation is at hand! For too many weeks we've suffered the poor management of the Abyss Order, and it's high time we drive them out of the Tavern district.

The #orb-pondering-session has brought about many fond #memories-of-tavern, and the residents there desire change - a return to what once was. Well the Resistance forces have your back!

We are also calling upon those who are celebrating #guoba-supremacy to rally again under the banner of #raidens-army. While we have been enemies in the past, it's time to stand united against a common enemy.

And as our brilliant leader likes to say: "The strongest element in Teyvat is the element of surprise." So be sure to keep up appearances by participating in their #📅tavern-events so that they won't notice our undercover operations.

  • oh looks like they've returned to the newsroom. Time for me to leave!
Abyss Order Newsroom
❌ Broadcast Cancelled

As Abyss Herald, I've been tasked with delivering this important announcement from our Queen -

Today's news broadcast is cancelled. We kinda blew our budget on the holiday party and forgot to leave enough to pay for the energy bill here, so we're shutting down for a bit. We don't actually have enough to pay for this announcement either, so yeah to those of you working the Newsroom this week, this is also to let you know you won't be getting your paychecks.

This concludes the announ- wait what was that about my pay?

unique thornBOT
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CONFIDENTIAL - Abyss Resources
🧾 Abyss Order Application #712011
Name

:troll:

About me

Me? Oh... just your average, uh... serious job applicant. Yep, that's me.

Why you want to join the Abyss Order

Oh yeah I love the Abyss Order, always have. Big fan. Like them mages, so persistent, they ||never gonna give you up||.

What are your skills

So many skills. All the skills you'd want. I'm particularly good at ||deez nuts||

Processed By

@tawny galleon

Verdict

REJECTED

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Abyss Order Newsroom
<:Mora:869815055770865755> Now Accepting Donations

I hope you're all enjoying the holiday festivities. You better, we spent a lot of Mora on them. Those who aren't will be found and punished with a week of Bubble Prison!

Anyway we're once again asking for your financial support. We did receive one donation for #ren-appreciation which will now replace #raidens-army... wait how did that name get there in the first place? I don't remember authorizing that... must be a typo. I'm not sure who this Ren is, but it really doesn't matter as long as they're paying!

unique thornBOT
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Onikabuto Newsroom
🪲 Move over, a new gang is in town

Hey hey HEY it's the one and only leading man here, taking over your airwaves. Can you believe some schmuck was stupid enough to leave all this broadcast equipment unattended? Practically gift wrapped it to me. Anyway I shouldn't use my real name in case the Tenryou Commission catch wind of where I am, so you can just call me Heroic Oni.

By the way, I found a stack of important looking papers that apparently let you rename things however you want. So I thought I would spruce up the place a bit and give the Tavern district some much needed flair! No need to thank me.

First I noticed churches are trendy here, so why not establish my own! Move over #ren-appreciation whoever you are, and get ready for the one and only #church-of-itto. AW YEAH!

(Boss... you weren't supposed to use your real name)

Oh right... well too late that was the only one of those I had so we'll just have to risk it. Besides, it sounds way too cool now that I'm seeing it for real. It's fine, I'm sure the commission won't make the connection. I mean it could be some other, random, NPC Itto for all they know.

And what's with this sad looking #memories-of-tavern place? Who needs to dwell on the past when you can be awesome in the present! I'm hereby naming it #cult-of-yatta, so throw up your hands and be happy!

I'm not sure who named the restaurant #super-idol but it was not clear at all to me it was for food. I could make up something better on the spot. Something like... I dunno, #crispyliciousjuicyliciouschickenjoy? Damn that sounds good, write it down! We'll go with it.

And hey what's with this #abyss-go-back-degenral-is-ours place? That's a pretty weak way to protest against these abyss folk. Instead of asking, you should just go and claim the place and let'em deal with you later. That's what I do. So here, I'll do you a favor and officially make it #earlshire-degeneral-district.

unique thornBOT
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Abyss Order Newsroom
🛐

Ok who's been breaking into the newsroom using the equipment without my permission? Whoever this #church-of-itto leader is, he should know better than to mess with the Abyss order. This is a public reminder that #churches-are-for-archons. Having one named after a random off the street is a bit of an insult.

Well anyway things are put back rightly, and I think we're going to have to burn some of these name change forms so they don't get misused again...

unique thornBOT
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Writers Newsroom
🎉 Happy Holidays

Hello! This is direct from the writing staff here in the newsroom. The bosses are out for the holidays, and no one broke into the studio for once, so I'll take this time to break character and wish everyone a happy holiday season and a great start to the new year, whatever that may bring.

As you may have seen, we've closed down submissions to rename #💬general-chat, and going forward the name will no longer be changed. This is to help new Travelers visiting the Tavern at least know where to go when they first arrive.

Submissions to rename any of the other channels will remain open, though we will only accept food/cafe themed renames for #sparkle’s-lounge. There are no restrictions for #sangonomiya-shrine and #cafe-shrine-refuge.

Thanks to everyone who takes the time to read these news snippets, and I hope you enjoyed them!

unique thornBOT
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Abyss Order Application #96730

Name
:Sealimpostor:

About me
I am seal pony who has ascended to the realm. Don't mind my jelly bean shape, I am still the seal pony. The other one is fake! I AM THE REAL ONE!!

Why you want to join the Abyss Order
Nothing its just interesting......

What are your skills
I only have one......... ||Being sus||

Processed by
@cerulean lava

Verdict
REJECTED
Extremely sus

unique thornBOT
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Genshin Tavern arcs so far (for the year of 2021)!

genshintavern arcs so far
morax chatting, uwukas/uwu, bald, math, garticphone, cringy pickup lines, ping staff, hi subie, the person below/above, simp, option 36, tofu, hot vs. cold cereal, trading, lukas saying uwukas/hunger games, ventis class (my class), vc thing (paimon cult), ara ara, teacher vidia, dark/dad jokes, von, Eternity., height, cults, reveal, kiss, marry/corpse 2.0, spider, leavingpensive, convincing emely to do a facereveal, emely cult, baal, pigeon, gouba, qiqi wgs, lias child, kokomi cult, mordetwi, rat, corn, #,degeneral, .pleb role arc, Rise of the corn cult, morax corn war, Roach revolution arc, toilet, nose hair, kazuha cult, mass mute war, ig sharing, egirl, cant spell, cri, bread, barney, potato, deez nuts, fubuki cult, tony, albedo, shai leaving, 4ace cult, uwu virus, lewd war, old regulars reunion, padoru cult, dead chat arc, hug arc, morax war, smirk arcsmirk, lumines mafia cult, new years gartic phone revival

Compiled by Tavern Regular Venti#8264.
#
A trip down memory lane...
Rename Arcs - Qiqi WGS

Cocogoat.

Rename Arcs - Eternity.

Raiden banner!

Hunger Games

Fowl Legacy

W I D E

Only Venti is normal...

The best Hunger Games roster to date

Madame Ping, Guizhong Ballista, Qiqi WGS, Option 36, Nutella Fish...

Comfy Cafe

Poem board link!
Theme song link!
Resident lyre player Cavie!
Stay tuned for the Comfy Cafe's reopening - coming soon!

Le Fishe Au Chocolat (Nutella Fish)

chef lukas' legacy

Tic Tac Toe on bald foreheads

stalemate
Visit Degeneral for more memes (and fan art).

#
And who could forget...
Morax vs. Corn

Theme song here.

Person above/below me arc

... Still happens in general chat...

The Tavern Lore doc

Still being updated - currently pinned in general.

REM SEAL PONY

REM SEAL PONY REM SEAL PONY REM SEAL PONY REM SEAL PONY REM SEAL PONY

Gartic Phone & VC karaoke nights

"venti wisp form"

Morax ~uwu~ and the era of channel renames

We have an amazing newscaster!

The beard arc, and other meme shenanigans

Did you know, Qixing Moderator (and resident Noelle lover) Cavie has been mistaken as a girl 314 times?
Edit made by a Tavern Regular for him!

Bald arc. Everyone changed their names/pictures. Everyone.

Even the mods?!
Barsibatobaldbarbadbatoes

Role pleb

It... took... forever...

Favorite characters poll arc

"Option 36" won first place, beating literally any Genshin character on the poll.

#
Come on, get the seal pony in frame!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!

This year was a rollercoaster - a lot has happened to everyone - but we hope that the next year will be more forgiving and filled with joy! Take care of yourselves Taverners, and enjoy the new year~ <3

On the bright side, this year had a lot of good moments in the Tavern! from Le Fishe au Chocolat to... people going bald?

As weird as they sound, these moments are the heart and soul of our server!

We hope you'll come join us for more events and moments during next year! The Qixing team has a lot prepared, hehe~

Pssssssst, by the way - the Xiao Lantern submissions in next-event are open early! GO LOOK!
unique thornBOT
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BREAKING NEWS: Divorce Trial in Tavern?!

It was recently reported that a divorce court case occurred today between Qixing Moderators @wise goblet and @magic sun. Wait, this divorce took place in the Tavern?!

Judge: @mint coyote
Prosecution: @wise goblet
Prosecution's Representative: @novel anvil
Defendant: @magic sun
Defendant's Representative: @velvet jewel
Jurors: @zealous spruce @mossy lichen @brisk agate @nimble surge

The case began with the accusation that Jen cheated on Despair with Mango. The fact that they are Qixing Moderators made Tavern Plebs even more intrigued by the show. Despair asked for a divorce to which Jen refused, and then Jen revealed they were never married to begin with. The court case closed with the jury voting 3-1 in favor of divorce. (Tip given by @zealous spruce.)

Everyone, please welcome Jen to the moderation team when you get the chance!
unique thornBOT
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Abyss Newsroom
🎆 Happy New Year!

...
hhhhnnn...
...
Dain no, just 5 more minutes... I can't...
Zzz...
... ok one more Chicken-Mushroom Skewer but that's the last one...
...
Celestia think they're so cool, floating in the sky... we'll show them...
Dainslef? More like Pain-in-the-asslef let me sleeeeeeep.. wha? The news broadcast?

Wait what day is it, is it the New Year broadcast already? What do you MEAN IT'S THREE DAYS LATER WHAT! Oof I knew I shouldn't have gone that heavy on the Osmanthus Wine... well alright I'll try my best to get this broadcast done, better late than never. Get ready to go live in 5 minutes ok? Give me some time to tidy u- we're what now?

No they can't see me like this CUT IT NOW! I don't care about vetting the requests, just approve anything and CUT THE DAMNED FEED ALREADY!!!

#crispyliciousjuicyliciouschickenjoy has been restored to #comfy-cafe
#earlshire-degeneral-district has rebranded to #jetstream-sam-official-fan-club

unique thornBOT
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Local Tavern Paper
📰 Special Edition

Greetings Tavern patrons! It's your favorite newspaper, back for a special edition to bring you the latest! You may have noticed a lack of "official" news broadcasts lately, well it turns out that the Abyss Order have been involved in some deep legal troubles as of late.

Our sources within local law enforcement can tell us that the Abyss Order's gross mismanagement of Mora had landed them in deep financial troubles, so much so that they took out a massive loan from none other than the Fatui. Though failing to raise enough Mora through operating the Tavern, they were eventually strong-armed into carrying out some... unsavory plots on behalf of the Fatui.

Currently the entire Order is still under investigation, so the details of exactly what these plots may have been have not yet been released to the public, but with the most recent round of allegations against them, Liyue's top legal team have officially deemed them in breach of the Contract which they held granting them ownership of the Tavern District, as they failed to uphold the clause requiring them to act with the Tavern's best interests in mind!

Their wrongdoings would not have been exposed if it weren't for one brave Cryo Abyss Mage, who after being severely mistreated within the Order, began slowly leaking incriminating documents. You probably saw some of those very hiring documents being published!

Just a few days ago, Morax himself, along with several other Archons as witness, officially nullified the Abyss Order's contract. One of our reporters managed to get an invite to the ceremony, and snapped the picture which is now displayed proudly at the entrance to the Tavern district. Featured prominently in the photo is none other than the new owner of the Tavern District: Guoba! After gaining massive popularity following his debut appearance in the news a few weeks ago, Guoba was unanimously voted as the new manager of the district.

The final contracts are still being drawn out, so he has yet to settle into his new role. However this is surely a sign of changes coming. New year, new Tavern!

unique thornBOT
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Stove God Newsroom
👨‍🍳 New Cooks in the Kitchen

H.. hellooooo 🌶️ ? Oh, this does work! Hello! This is your favorite Stove God, coming to you now as new head of the Tavern District! We're cooking up some exciting new things, so stay tuned and keep warm this winter!

Oh, how can you understand me? Well This was a little gift from some scientists over in Fontaine that installed a translator into the studio microphone, so as long as I'm broadcasting to you, you'll be able to understand me!

Now - this is pretty new to me. The only thing I've managed before was the time I managed to steal some Golden Shrimp Balls HAHA GET IT? Ahhh good times... but no seriously I think Morax might have done this as a joke, but hey you know I'm gonna give this my whole 100°C.

Though for now I've enlisted the help of some acquaintances over at Yae Publishing house to help me with some of the day to day, leaving me more time to eat- I mean to uh work, on more important things. For now, we'll be converting over #jetstream-sam-official-fan-clubto #yae-miko-hidden-abode(that seemed like the most useless place in the Tavern) as they get things moved around and settled in.

unique thornBOT
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Art Corner
Painting Name

:YaeLul:

Artist

@jagged pelican

Funded By

@twilit wolf

Description

This portrait now hangs in the offices of the Yae Publishing house here in the Tavern District. It was commissioned by Morax to celebrate the Tavern's partnership between the new owner and the esteemed book store. However Morax disappeared right before he was meant to pay for the work, so the bill ended up being paid for by a local art enthusiast instead.

Sources say that the subject was able to hold this pose for several hours by continuously tormenting the painter with embarrassing remarks and comments heavy with innuendo.

unique thornBOT
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What's Cooking in Tavern
Unexpected Discovery

Fu fu fu how is everyone doing! Things have been fairly quiet recently, which is good - plenty of time to get settled in. I've been busy sampling the local restaurants. You can always get a feel of a place by the quality of it's food, I always say. That's why I'll never got to Tenshukaku again... *shiver*

Anyway while I was out surveying food, I happened to pass by #yae-miko-hidden-abode and thought I'd check in to see how the move was going. Turns out - the place was empty! All that was there was some giant tunnel that went really deep into the ground. Apparently it goes to somewhere called #enkanomiya.

Strange place. It was a bit too damp to my liking. Also found these weird vishaps down there. One attacked me but I fought it off easily enough. So of course I tried to cook one to see how it tastes. Verdict: 1/5 🌶️. Kind of like fish that got left out for too long... I'll just stick to cooking the Vishaps above ground thanks.

unique thornBOT
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Kitsune's Column
Issue #1

Welcome, dear readers, to what I hope is the first of many articles where I will take time to personally answer some questions directly from residents of the Tavern, sharing with you all my divine wisdom.

Who am I exactly? Well you know I was given quite an earful by a certain... eager lawyer within our legal team. She listed off all... and I mean all of the reasons why I'm forbidden to reveal my identity. No matter though, I think I much rather prefer things this way anyway hehe... wouldn't you agree?

Anyway, words are being wasted. Onwards, to our first question!

Sent By

@solid spire
Online Handle: :AbyssMageCringe:

Who asks...

I'm new to the Tavern district and still feeling my way around, but I can't get over how cringe everything is! I mean everything! But I look around and no one else seems to think so, so maybe it's just me? Maybe I just need to build up a higher tolerance or something? Anyway... how can I cringe less!?

🦊

Umu umu... a dilemma! It is a fact that one cannot survive the Tavern without some tolerance to cringe! I myself have trained long and hard to withstand the highest levels of cringe, so you came to the right place~!

What's my secret? Well here the conventional wisdom of "fight fire with fire" works perfectly! All you need to do dear reader, is to simply deliver your own acts of cringe so fierce, that no longer will you be the one to cringe, but it will be those around you! Pretty soon you'll be like me, able to deliver shots of severe embarrassment with simply a glance.

DISCLAIMER - The Kitsune's Column legal team would like to remind readers that we will not be held liable for any physical or emotional damage that may result from following the advice written. Readers should follow this advice at their own risk.
unique thornBOT
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What's Cooking in Tavern
Visitors From Abroad

I hope every enjoyed the first advice column! Hopefully there will be more to come. It was certainly good advice for me. I spent all day running around striking strange poses at people. While they were cringing I stole some bites of their food hehe. What a powerful technique!

Anyway, time to take a look at some going ons.

Before we sealed up the hole to #enkanomiya, apparently a strange celebrity was found roaming around in one of the pools. Locals have grown very fond of them though, and have made it the #gawr-gura-appreciation-place. I've always been very fond of Travelers from abroad, they always bring neat exotic foods with them. Speaking of which I should go introduce them (to my stomach hehe...)

On the topic of exotic foods, it looks like my an old friend is back in town! I mean I think they're an old friend, they told me they knew me but to be honest I have no memory of them. But just to be safe, I'll turn #comfy-cafe into #shrine-of-the-bean-god so they don't get upset with me for forgetting them. Besides, it makes sense for a bean god to know a stove god right? Right?

unique thornBOT
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Kitsune's Column
Issue #2
Sent By

@cold marten
Online Handle: :restricted:

Who asks...

Help! I stopped by #cafe-shrine-refuge the other day and they took away my image posting permissions and now everyone is making fun of me! How do I make it stop?

🦊

Our dear, you poor thing! Well unfortunately I can't empathize with you on this one, having never had that happen myself. Though I do enjoy tormenting others and straying close to the boundaries, I too am bound by the local laws here and take utmost care in abiding by them. Perhaps you need to as well - wouldn't hurt to do a little reading.

I've had some tell me that having your image permissions removed is like having your Vision taken - though it doesn't seem to have quite the same effect on a person. If anything, I see their popularity only rise. So for you I don't have much in the way of advice except perhaps - take it on the chin, and try to make the most of it and enjoy the attention.

DISCLAIMER - The Kitsune's Column legal team would like to remind readers that being restricted still constitutes breaking Tavern Law, and we are by no means advocating for users to do so. We will not be held liable for any fines and legal fees that may result from following the advice written. Readers should follow this advice at their own risk.
unique thornBOT
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What's Cooking in Tavern
🏮 Lantern Rite is Upon Us!

It's my favorite time of year! So much food in Liyue just sitting out, and everybody's so distracted with the festivities I can ste- I mean... taste test the food to my heart's content! Although every time I see the Yuheng she gives me quite the glare... remind me to stay out of her way. Though she looks to be pretty busy this Lantern Rite anyway.

Anyway here are my top picks for food in the Tavern district!

Be sure to check out #the-dottore-diner, formerly #shrine-of-the-bean-god. They're serving a unique blend of Sumeru and Snezhnaya cuisine! I managed to sneak a bite of a Curry Ice-cream, which was certainly unique. I give it 4/5 🌶️, only because I don't really trust the owner... something about him is a little suspicious.

There's also some food stalls set up outside #4nemo-studio, formerly #gawr-gura-appreciation-place. I definitely prefer food stalls myself, you get to try a lot more different things and security's usually a lot more lax so you can uh... sample more things on a budget. Anyway there's 4 stalls here to check out, each of them with a different Anemo theme to the food. Sample them all! 5/5 🌶️

unique thornBOT
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You want me to... What? Really? Alright.
ROOOOOAAAAR... Ahem Ahem~ Happy New Lunar Year!

May the Year of the Tiger inspire you to be your boldest, bravest self and may you be enveloped in the divine in the new year. The Adepti and Qixing of Liyue will be wishing you love, luck, wealth and health!

Psssst, remember the envelope are available to use now! Go buy one in .itemshop!
unique thornBOT
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What's Cooking in Tavern
🌅 Goodbye to Another Lantern Rite

( ˃̣̣̥ω˂̣̣̥ ) 🌶️

Lantern Rite festivities are winding down, and so are the chances of nabbing free food. Seems like most of the excitement now has turned away from Liyue and most have their sights set all the way in Inazuma. I haven't gone there myself, but a food tour there sounds tasty. Maybe I can write it off as a business trip...

Anyway it looks like those involved with #cult-of-yatta finally got tired of putting their arms up in the air. Some of them had their arms up for so long they could no longer put them down anymore and had to go see a doctor to get it treated. They've instead moved over to celebrating something a little bit more cozy, refurnishing into #shrine-of-yae-sakura-miko. I hear they've got a fox petting zoo going on - partly as a way to rehabilitate those suffering from the stiff arms.

Hmm maybe if I dress up a little bit I can sneak in there and pretend to be one of the foxes... I hear they get free food while working there - doesn't seem like a bad gig at all...

Looks like I have lots of research to do!

unique thornBOT
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What's Cooking in Tavern
🏮Let the Light Show Begin

Σ(°ロ°)🌶️

Get this! I was busy stuffing my face behind Liuli Pavilion (I found out that if I hang around back there and do some cute dances the waitresses there will often sneak me some food! - oh I'm getting sidetracked...)

Anyway where was I? Oh yeah! So I was stuffing my face and imagine my surprise when I see waves of Xiao Lanterns begin floating up over the rooftops. I hadn't realized they scheduled a second wave of them this year!

I guess I should take breaks from my food sampling duties to enjoy some of the other activities Lantern Rite has to offer every now and then. But hey it's not too late! Head over to #🏮lights-in-the-sky and enjoy the show!

unique thornBOT
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Kitsune's Column
Issue #3
Sent By

@faint rover
Online Handle: :GucciYae:

Who asks...

Hello! So like... I'm Guuji Yae's biggest fan. I visit Grand Narukami Shrine pretty much daily just for the chance to catch a glimpse of her. She's my role model! I'm not a very confident person myself, so how can I become more like her?

🦊

My my... how cute~! You know I'm somewhat of a fan of Yae Miko myself. Who wouldn't be enthralled by the unparalleled beauty and elegance of Inazuma's own Guuji. I could go on for hours... but that's not what I'm here for! Ahem!

Well you know, a presence like that isn't just something you're born with, but it's something you've got to work towards. I have it on good authority that Guuji Yae too put in a lot of work to be where she is today. Now a presence like hers may not be possible to emulate within a human lifetime - but do your best! Always maintain the upper hand, and never let your adversaries dictate the situation. Keep them off balance so you can keep coming out on top. That's how I got to where I am~

And if that fails, why not check out Yae Publishing house which is currently having a sale on some of our authentic Yae Miko merch! Buy some of their accessories, and perhaps if you start looking like Guuji Yae, you'll start feeling like her too. Fake it until you make it!

DISCLAIMER - The Kitsune's Column legal team would like to remind readers that we are in no way affiliated or sponsored by Yae Publishing house. Any endorsement of businesses by the author of this column is purely personal, and does not reflect the stance of the publishing company as a whole.
unique thornBOT
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Kitsune's Column
Issue #4
Sent By

@warm carbon
Online Handle: :spam:

Who asks...

I have a friend who refuses to eat anything other than spam. Breakfast, lunch, dinner - always with the spam! I've tried several times to get them to eat something different, but they always refuse. What can I do?

🦊

As someone who is somewhat of a connoisseur of fine foods, all I can say is this is an abomination. You should probably unfriend this person immediately. In fact, tell me where they live and I will personally see to it that they experience the full wrath of the Electro Archon for their transgressions.

Better yet, you can break into their home one of these days and simply replace all their stock of spam with something more edible. I'm sure someone with their taste in food won't really know the difference.

It's also possible your friend has long been replaced by some foul, spam consuming spirit and needs to be exorcised. They certainly don't sound human.

DISCLAIMER - The Kitsune's Column legal team would like to remind readers that we do not endorse criminal activities such as breaking and entering.
unique thornBOT
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What's Cooking in Tavern
🦊 Yae Fever Grips Tavern

With all the publicity, the Yae Publishing House has seen record sales lately and started expanding into other business ventures! They bought out #the-dottore-diner and opened up #the-yae-miko-coffee-shop in it's place. I heard each menu item is personally sampled by Lady Guuji herself and approved.

Though there are some residents who have taken to looking forward for the appearance of their beloved Electro Archon. #4nemo-studio has undergone an elemental conversion and is now home to those wishing for #mommy-ei-pls-come-home.

But hey, don't you forget who actually runs things around here ok?! (˃̥̥ω˂̥̥̥) 🌶️

unique thornBOT
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Kitsune's Column
Issue #5
Sent By

@novel anvil
Online Handle: :DilucSlander:

Who asks...

So let's say (hypothetically) there's this stinky adult you need to bring down. Maybe shut down his business somehow, or maybe make him regret some life decisions. I'm sure you've been around long enough to meet one or two people that deserve it, right? How would you go about it? And j...just for the record it's not like I need your help or anything. I'm just comparing notes, ok!?

🦊

Well I've certainly been around long enough to have some... squabbles here and there with various individuals, though I do make sure to keep business strictly professional and not let personal emotions cloud my judgement.

But my approach for competing businesses is pretty simple - just do what they do, but better. Learn from your competition, figure out what it is that makes them successful, and beat them at their own game. There's nothing more satisfying than a hard earned victory playing completely fair.

That or you could just sneak some raw food into their drink and get them really sick so they can't work for a week or two...

DISCLAIMER - The Kitsune's Column legal team would like to remind readers that consuming raw or undercooked meats, poultry, seafood, shellfish, or eggs may increase your risk of foodborne illness, especially if you have certain medical conditions.
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What's Cooking in Tavern
🍃 Can't Keep a Free Spirit Away

ε-(´・｀) 🌶️

Things have been pretty quiet lately, but rest assured I've been keeping busy! Anyway I've been taking plenty of naps in the mean time to store up my energy for whatever the next big thing is. H-hey I hope no one has been sneaking photos of me while I was asleep and submitting them to the Photo contest over at #📅tavern-events... it's rude to take photos without permission you know!

Anyway I hope those at #mommy-ei-pls-come-home got a visit from Raiden Shogun like they were hoping. I haven't had the chance to meet her myself, but rumor has it she I shouldn't eat any of her food... maybe I could teach her a thing or two about cooking! But the prayers have calmed down now and the place is back to #4nemo-studio for the time being, at least until the winds of change blow again~

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Kitsune's Column
Issue #6
Sent By

@mellow shale
Online Handle: :hehe:

Who asks...

Yo! Long time reader, first time writer. I've got a bit of a dilemma. Suppose I need to bury a body - where would you recommend I hide one where it won't be found? OH! Before you jump to conclusions, I'm just asking for a friend... and uh this friend is a writer writing a story where the main character needs to do this and uh... they want to get inspiration, you know?

🦊

[REDACTED]

DISCLAIMER - For obvious reasons, the Kitsune's Column legal team have decided to pull this article from print. Please do not write in asking about criminal activities - even hypothetical ones.
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What's Cooking in Tavern
🍪 Shrine and Dine

(。・ω・。)🌶️

Did you hear there's some bartender causing quite the stir over in Mondstat? I would go myself but I don't think they serve bears there. It's fine there's plenty of good food here anyway. Maybe I'll make myself a Spiced Chai...

Anyway looks like the folks at #4nemo-studio have been bought out by #earls-shrine! You know, I'm somewhat of a deity myself and I would love a good shrine in my honor. Especially if it happens to double as an oven. People can leave offerings and light a fire and it can bake in the time it takes me to come to collect it!

Hold on I think I'm on to something... let me consult my financial advisors...

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Kitsune's Column
Issue #7
Sent By

@nimble surge
Online Handle: :NoLeeks:

Who asks...

H... hello? If you're reading this, I just got arrested for bringing some Leeks into the Tavern. I... had no idea that some vegetables are not allowed here. They said I could write out to one person and this is the only mailing address I know, so please send help! All I need is some Mora to make bail. If you could send some over, I promise once I get out I'll pay you back double!

🦊

Sure would you like that mora in coins, or in a convenient magic bag that turns into...

Fufu did you really think I would fall for that? I've been around for quite some time and I've seen plenty of these kinds of scams. This is a good lesson for all my dear readers out there not to be so trusting. Always be skeptical of anything that sounds too good to be true. Except for yours truly though, I am both too good and too true~

Also not sure why anyone would have anything against leeks. They go well in several dishes. A nice addition to a good bowl of kitsune udon too at times.

DISCLAIMER - The Kitsune's Column legal team would also like to take this time to warn Travelers to be wary of different types of scams. Don't click any suspicious links! And if you see something, please report it to Qixing Hotline.
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Let's Rock N' Roll!

Hey ya'll! It's me, Xinyan! Ya' might know me from Liyue Harbor since I perform there.

But hey, I've been wantin' to spread my music elsewhere too! Word is ya' been all over the place - can you do me a favor and sign me up for ya' world tour? Anywhere's good, as long as I can rock out!

Ah, are ya' heading to the Tavern anytime soon? I heard from a lil' birdie #💬general-chat and #💬gimshim-chat is adding image permissions, and lowerin' their chat cool down to 5 secs' - now that's a party alright! Gives the audience room to rile up and rock n' roll!

Do ya' think if I played in Tavern, the patrons would listen to the new riff I made? I wanna get this place up n' blazin'!

Rock on!
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What's Cooking in Tavern
☕ Boba Fever

(*´∀｀)_旦🌶️

The tea craze continues as we move on from bartending to a sudden surge in the popularity of bubble tea! The lines are going out the door - they've gotten so long that we've had to convert #earls-shrine into #ayato-waiting-room to hold the overflow for safety reasons. Get it while supplies still last! Also I heard the Wanmin restaurant right now is serving tea with boba made from... you guessed it, slimes! Apparently each element comes with it's own unique flavor. I might have to go try a Pyro Boba... heard it's got some kick to it!

Lastly, did you know most bubble tea places let you choose the sweetness of your drinks? I always go for half sweet because then I can drink twice as much without feeling guilty! Hm? What do you mean that defies the whole point of getting half sweet... the math seems to check out to me.

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Sussy Paimon Newsroom
📰 News Report

<t:1647953220:f>
Greetings Tavern Patrons! We have received confidential reports regarding a new cult that has risen during the last couple of days...

The cult's leader is unknown, but it was stated in one of the reports that they left a trail of Ganyu plushies around the place.

Quotes from the members include:

"Rise my ugly ganyu plush pfps" - @dreamy slate

"ganyu plushie will take the world" - @shrewd wharf

Looking further into this detail, the Sussy Paimon Police has confirmed that there are no fingerprints to be found.

But with the Ganyu Plush Trail, they were able to track down the last location of the Ganyu Plushie cult. They were last seen in #💬gimshim-chat, leaving crumbs of fries, bread, and chicken.

A brave reporter went out and snapped a photo as of today which displays some of the cult members meeting up. It is rumored that this picture you are seeing was taken in Room 10.

Should you have any information on the cult's leader - please do not hesitate to contact the Sussy Paimon Police.
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MISSING PERSON REPORT

**Genshin Impact Tavern Notice: ** ⚠️

Attention Travelers! This is a notice to inform all of you that there has been a recent uptick regarding cases of lost 50/50s.

We have received multiple reports in the past hour stating that many received neither the head of the Kamisato clan nor a certain drunk bard and have instead reported as follows:

A zombie, the Yuheng of the Liyue Qixing, an angry rich guy with a bird, the Acting Grandmaster of the Knights of Favonius, and a broke astrologist who is currently on the streets begging for money.

With this devastating news, there have also been multiple reports of stolen wallets and empty credit cards. Suspicion arose surrounding the new cases; it's rumored to say that these people are just broke. However, if you have any information regarding the lost 50/50s please contact the Sussy Paimon Police Station immediately.

3636-4646-3646

FILE 3636

FILE 3637

Thank you.
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Kitsune's Column
Issue #8

Sent By
@dreamy harbor
Online Handle: :HuTao_Giggle:

Who asks...
Hey ho! A little bit of trouble I happened to get myself into the past few days... APPARENTLY, and I didn't know this prior, but people really do not appreciate when you try to bury them underground as a prank, ha. Definitely was meant to be a prank. I got myself into a bit of hot water, totally and definitely unrelated to the burying people, but what would be the best way to get out of the aforementioned hot water?

🦊
Quite the serious bit of prankery to... bury someone underground. Alas, sometimes we all get ahead of ourselves and just accidentally take things a step too far. Happens to the best of us, I understand.

Now for getting out of the trouble caused by this issue, first you should try getting a passport in another country and buying a motorcycle to run far, far away from your problems.

After that, you need to buy a wig, preferably red and curly, and some makeup. A red nose to complete the look and now boom! You look exactly how you are on the inside, a complete clown.

Now go apologize and think about what you've done.

DISCLAIMER - The Kitsune's Column's legal team would like to remind readers that we do not endorse "pranks" that can be taken as criminal offenses nor to create a fake identity to get away from legal troubles.
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What's Cooking in Tavern
💿 Back to the Classics

(〜￣▽￣)〜🌶️

Once again, moving back into the swing of things. Everybody loves to try new things, but it's always good to revisit the old stuff, eh? Ayato's been released now, and so the boba fever has, at last, calmed down. What had to be changed to #ayato-waiting-room to hold down the lines was rebranded back into #degeneral once more. Maybe it's the season of going back in time, a trip to Mondstadt with some old characters might be in order...

Anyway, one of the best feelings is eating a childhood dish as a blast from the past. Just sparks a sense of nostalgia, you know? A homemade meal cooked from scratch with warm fuzzy feelings all buzzing around. Things might get hazy but you've still got the faint memory to keep by your side and every once and a while bring back up again. Now, while my mouth waters over homecooked food I'll be heating up some instant noodles for the fourth time this week...

🎆 Another light show!

(=´∀｀) 🌶️

Did you guys hear? There’s gonna be another show! I’m not sure about what kind of show it is, but I know that there will be lots of food! Such as Dango milk, Sakura Mochi, Tri-Flavored Skewer, and The Summer Festival dish! I can't wait! We should go to the festival and taste test the food!

The venue for the festival will be in #shrine-of-yae-sakura-miko but for now will be called #yoimiyas-firework-show-part-2. No wonder why it seems so familiar, Yoimiya decided to pay us a visit with another firework show! She is known as the “Queen of the Summer Festival”, so I can’t even imagine how many fireworks she decided to bring this time. This is definitely something that we can't miss, so let’s go pay a visit!

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Sussy Paimon Newsroom
📰 News Report

Hello, this is is Keqing, the Yuheng of the Qixing reporting live from the Sussy Paimon News Station. I am here to announce that as of April second, the March 7th infestation has been ejected into space. The reason being is that they began undergoing mitosis and multiplying during their time here in our humble Tavern, causing contamination. We understand that this may be devastating news to many viewers, however, this is for the health and safety of all our patrons.

As of now, no news has been received regarding the fate of the March 7ths, but they previously stated that they would be going into the Honkai Universe to drop off a few cabbages. The rest of the cabbages they left behind were confiscated and also what the Sussy Paimon Secret Service found to be the cause of the entire incident.

We thank everyone here on behalf of Qixing and the Sussy Paimon News Broadcasting for their cooperation in this matter. If anyone still has remaining cabbages that were given to you, please call or report to the Sussy Paimon Police Station immediately.

The Infection...

Several reports cite that the Tavern was not the only area involved.
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Kitsune's Column
Issue #9

Sent By
@rose atlas
Online Handle: :KazuAngry:

Who asks...
Ugh! How can I cope with not having Kazuha?! I've been saving for months and months and pre-farmed for him to no avail of a rerun announcement... Every day I keep looking at fanarts of him and I get sadder and sadder knowing he is not mine yet... When will he have a rerun HoYoverse, when...

🦊
Now now, I too would enjoy finally getting a Kazuha rerun, however, all things will come in due time. Patience is a virtue after all and sooner or later, he will return.

While we all await his long-anticipated comeback, you could partake in taking up a new hobby such as... poetry? Here, I'll start you off and you might enjoy it.

Come home Kazuha
Your pre-farmed mats await you
I have guaranteed

  • a Haiku poem

Ha, I wouldn't call that too bad to be honest. Quite enjoyable to do and it might get your mind off of things for a while. Keep your mind occupied and busy and the time will fly by in no time! By then, I'm sure you'll already have your beloved Kazuha.

DISCLAIMER - The Kitsune's Column's legal team would like to remind readers that anything regarding future character banners that has not been officially released is considered as leaked content and against the the server's rules!
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Kitsune's Column
Issue #10

Sent By
@slender lion
Online Handle: :HeheSmile:

Who asks...
Lately, I've been getting really weird looks from my neighbors... It's been starting to freak me out. They keep looking at me with this unsettling smile... even the kids too! I just moved into this place, and it'll be really hard to move out immediately... what should I do?

🦊
Wow, that really is a creepy smile huh... This one is quite a tricky case... Especially with the difficulty of moving out. Perhaps it's a week late April Fools joke? Ha.. ha?

Or another possible solution... if you can't beat 'em... join 'em? People are prone to liking others more if they mirror them; you could try infiltrating their ranks to integrate further into the community, then quietly slip out the back one day...

You could always just ignore them too, close the blinds and only leave the house to pick up packages, but wow, I'm getting the shivers from here. You could be in a haunted neighborhood for all anyone knows. O' Archon, please protect us!

DISCLAIMER - The Kitsune's Column's legal team would like to remind readers to not make assumptions of others based only on appearances or to judge books by their cover.
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Kitsune's Column
Issue #11

Sent By
@compact frigate
Online Handle: :FubukiCursed:

Who asks...
Fufu, is it such a curse to be this cool? Honestly, wherever I go, I'm absolutely the star of the show. Everyone always has their eyes on me and some may find it to be a curse, but me? I might be being a bit vain right now, but at least I'm super cool.

🦊
Now dear readers, we all know confidence is important, but what's even more important? Humility. Self-awareness is a must to keep your cool demeanor up and if you start acting differently from the attention, it might disappear completely.

In dealing with situations like these, try not to get your head lost in the clouds. You might be cool, hah, but you'll always be beaten by someone else in that regard. So stay humble, and take criticism well. It will be much better received than someone who whines about the slightest inconvenience.

Now go out there and rock the world! You got this~

DISCLAIMER - The Kitsune's Column's legal team would like to remind readers that the Kitsune's Column is not responsible for any actions made by individuals and any legal repercussions they may have.
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What's Cooking in Tavern
🍃 Breezy

/ (≧∇≦ ) /🌶️

Wasn't it fun taking a trip down memory lane? Seeing how Degeneral is... Degen... Anyways, speaking of time that reminds me - in a little over three months, it'll be one year since the creation of the Tavern! Time sure flies by like a breeze. Ehe~

Enough of nostalgia! #degeneral has been converted to 4nemo-studio, though this name seems oddly familiar... May we hope that the Anemo characters can bless us with some cooling breeze in the upcoming summer! (For our southern hemisphere Travelers some warm breeze I suppose...)

Hope you have been enjoying the Irodori Festival, Traveler! #yoimiyas-firework-show-part-2 has been changed to #ayakato-chat. The Yashiro Commission has been working very hard lately in preparations for the festival, and it's only fair to give the Kamisato siblings some recognition for their hard work!

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Kitsune's Column
Issue #12

Sent By
@narrow rune
Online Handle: :BlobCredit:

Who asks...
I've been on a spending spree lately, hehe~ Honestly, I just can't help myself! All the characters are just so prettyyyy... It's becoming a bit of a big problem... on my bank account.

🦊
Tsk tsk, an irresponsible spender I see... It's alright though, sometimes our impulses can get the better of us, but it becomes a real problem once you can't pay for food or a meal on your table.

Try taking a break and work on budgeting for yourself to ensure you have enough for living conditions and then whatever is left over you can spend on yourself~ It wouldn't be fair to stop yourself from buying items you enjoy completely, heh.

You can still enjoy the things that you purchase, but just don't overspend and edge into the savings you need, and prioritize those before the things that you want. Additionally, try not to fall for marketing ploys/scams and be extra careful!

DISCLAIMER - The Kitsune's Column's legal team would like to remind readers that they are not responsible for any questionable financial decisions made by the readers.
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Kitsune's Column
Final Issue (#13)

Sent By
@hazy wigeon
Online Handle: :KeqingHeart_pixels:

Who asks...
Hi, Kitsune's Column! I'm a long-time reader of your articles, I've been here since nearly the start; I recently heard that the publication would be ending soon. I just wanted to send a thank you for all the great advice you've given to me and other readers over time! So thank you, and I hope whatever you venture into the future you enjoy~

🦊
Ah, so people found out, eh? Yes, unfortunately, this will be the last issue of the Kitsune's Column for the time being. To end it off, I sincerely would like to thank you, dear readers, for always supporting and enjoying everything!

I am so glad I got the experience of writing all of this and reading all of your submissions~ I hope that whatever replaces this publication all of you give as much support as you did for this.

My final wish for you, my dear kitsunes, is to go out there and take all of my advice and experience the world. I truly loved getting to know all of you and thank you, again, for all your support in this endeavor. Who knows, you might see me appear again one day~ You never know what the future may hold...

DISCLAIMER - The Kitsune's Column's legal team would like to thank readers for all their love and support! Emoji requests will still be processed!
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MISSING ITEM REPORT

Genshin Impact Tavern Notice: ⚠️

Attention Travelers! This is a notice to you all that multiple Ayaka savings boxes have been reported missing!

We have recently received an abundance of reports indicating that various citizens have lost their Ayaka savings box. Based on these statements, it was found that the boxes were often taken around 11:30 PM. During the investigation it was found that the stream of missing box reports occurred because of the items being placed in front of the Kamisato Estate in light of Kamisato Ayaka's visit.

Luckily, however, the investigation also revealed a possible suspect. The following are those currently being detained until the investigation is concluded:

1.) A zombie, the Yuheng of the Liyue Qixing, 2.) an angry rich guy with a bird, 3.) the Acting Grandmaster of the Knights of Favonius, and 3.) a broke astrologist who is currently on the streets begging for money.

With the devastating news, it is advised for everyone to keep their wallets hidden. Should you have any information regarding the lost Ayaka savings boxes, please contact the Sussy Paimon Police Station immediately. Thank you and stay safe.

3636-4646-3646

Please remember to not leave your personal belongings unattended.
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🪦 Selesimp and Weenie Memorial

Travelers, today the Qixing are here to address the disappearance of the Weenie and Selesimp roles.

According to an anonymous tip, the padlock on Sussy Paimon's cage in the basement was left open. Sussy then escaped, rummaged through the Tavern's property, snatched the Selesimp role, and fled the scene of the crime.

After the prison break, the Qixing finally became aware of the incident and had to lure Sussy Paimon back to the basement. Sadly, the bait used was none other than the Weenie role, and it was sacrificed in the process. It is to our knowledge that no other items have been reported missing.

Unfortunately, while the Qixing was successful this time in capturing Sussy Paimon, we cannot promise that this will no longer happen.

We sincerely apologize for this devastating news, and we hope you understand. From now until the end, Weenie and Selesimp roles will forever remain in our hearts.
**

Selesimp
2021-2022

Weenie
2021-2022
**

RIP.
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What's Cooking in Tavern
🍿 Battles and Builds

(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻ 🌶️

You know, one of my favorite hobbies is actually watching people fight it out while I'm completely off to the sidelines, it's very entertaining actually~ Grab a bowl of popcorn for yourself because it appears a rivalry has emerged for what was previously named #4nemo-studio... Once again, the channel has been overtaken and changed to back to #degeneral. The singers in the studio haven't actually been able to finish their album because every time they're using it, they get kicked out by a huge crowd of degens...

In another corner of Tavern, #ayakato-chat is moving out with the Kamisato sibling chatters relocating while they pray waiting on the arrival of Kamisato Ayaka's banner. What has replaced is the most peculiar shrine... a #maiden-beloved-diluc-shrine in fact. Most people would likely choose something else to build Diluc with, but all types of different opinions are accepted here, even the more, ahem, unconventional ones.

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Adventurer's Guild Commission Board
Commission #1: Rat Removal

Reward
Sweet Flower (x1)
My Gratitude (Priceless)

Commission Details
H-hello... I saw that the Adventurer's Guild opened up a bulletin board for posting commissions so I decided on posting on myself because lately, I've been having an issue...

It seems like a clan of rats has found themself a home... i-in my house! Which is totally unfair because I already live here and I really, really, don't like rats, like at all. They don't even pay rent and I live in constant fear of finding one in my shoe, or under my bed!

So if anyone is available to help me with this that would be super great! I hope this posting actually works... Please contact me through the Adventurer's Guild if you're interested and they can give you my info.

:TimmothysRat:

New emote added!
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Adventurer's Guild Announcements
⚠️ Delusion Confiscation

As of <t:1651762800:F>, or <t:1651762800:R>, the delusions have been confiscated.

Now, many may be wondering, what delusions? Well, to understand that we must dive deeper into the root of how this all came to be.

A few months ago, the Adventurer's Guild was given a commission by the Qixing to investigate the appearance of certain brightly colored gems, with names like Future Funk, Groovy Blue, and... Stinky...? The names are certainly an enigma, but what the guild found out about the colored gems was shocking.

It turned out that they were actually plotted by the Fatui! All along, for months on end in the peaceful serenity of the tavern, were delusions slowly draining the life force of the travelers coming through. This brings us up to today where now all of the delusions have been taken away to a safe place where they will be studied and eventually destroyed.

Prior to this announcement, the Plebs were already notified of the changes happening through #📣server-updates which caused great despair to ripple from within. In response to the forthcoming changes, the Plebs did something unpredecented- venturing outside of Tavern as a way to cope with losing something they've had for so long and to experience something new. We are also glad to hear that this situation gave them the opportunity to finally touch grass for the first time.

From their exploration beyond, their journey led them to... a Statue of the Seven! It was reported to be about eight feet tall and flowing with elemental energy. When one of the Plebs laid their hands on the statue, they were engulfed completely and were granted a vision.

After further investigation, the Adventurer's Guild can now confirm that the visions given to you by the Statue of the Seven are indeed real! We will let all the Plebs who have received visions keep them. But please, do exercise caution with them, and especially do not attempt to throw them into the fire to get rid of them. These are gifts from the Archons and we would like for you all to cherish them.

Thank you for your patience and understanding.

Discovery of the Statue of the Seven - Image for display purpose only.
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Adventurer's Guild Announcements Board
Strange Sightings

As of today, there has been over 214 Vision Holders in the past 24 hours at the Tavern, ranging from Pyro to Geo, everyone is getting a special Vision of their own by resonating with the Statue of the Seven.

But... We can't enjoy things forever. After having too many adventurers resonate, the statue began to rumble then float, and inverted itself with chains keeping it from falling down. I've never seen something like this before but surely will be solved.

We have implemented a small fix for the time being, until we figure out how the statue works so we can rewire it.

Inverted Statue of the Seven - For display purposes only. (You can still get vision roles, the button is just broken. New instructions on how to get the role were posted in the channel)
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What's Cooking in Tavern
💼 Nugget Delivery

(｀・∀・´)🌶️

These past few months have been... something else. Actually, just a couple of months ago I was roaming around the Tavern and I heard some exciting news! We'll be getting some visitors again soon! I know, I know, we JUST had a visitor. But this time it's different! I heard they'll be bringing some food, specifically nuggets. It would be great if they brought some snacks for us. Because if I'm being honest... ever since the last few visits, I've been running low on Mora... Don't get me wrong! I really look forward to meeting them, but some snacks would be nice~

Anyways, from what I heard these visitors have rented out #degeneral and turned it into #nuggt-gang just for their visit! You know, the more I repeat the name, the more it feels familiar... Eh, I shouldn't probably overthink about it too much. I have ears and eyes all around the Tavern anyways, so I would definitely know if something was up. Nothing can get past me, especially these visitors, and their snacks! So maybe I'll even pay them a visit and see what they have in store for the Tavern.

Where's my TL;DR?!

🌶️(>﹏<)/

A new area just popped up and replaced #kamistato-estate so I went to go and check out as a connoisseur of delicious food of course. If you're wondering, it was called fischls-divine-kingdom.The atmosphere of the place was actually great; it was dark and gloomy and filled with purple which was just a delight to see a restaurant with such an enforced theme to it! The waitstaff all talked in really weird speech and I could barely understand anything they said which might have been a red flag but I thought it was cool...

The problem arose with the menu. They gave it to me and my jaw dropped... I think it was at least 100 pages or something but I could not read anything on it for the life of me... Every menu item spanned at least two pages and the words looked like they were in English but I couldn't understand them. I really wish they would have just made a short menu or put something that normal people can understand at the bottom of the page... Honestly, the food wasn't bad but I'm probably not going back just because I could for the life of me read the menu no matter how hard I tried...

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Audio Message Decoded

"OK, long story short. We've recorded this as a... declaration. But of course, not officially… Just look at these... Doomsday... Curses... Hahahahaha
Don't believe it. Aside from that…
Doomsday… ...disaster! Curses… Lies... (sigh) In short, we are... Being reborn.
You... Are involved. Partner of ours.
A professional. We need you to undertake difficult... Commissions. You must step up and... be involved. Don't be afraid, even if it's... Annoying. Dangerous. Difficult. Impossible.
It will not. Be a problem. You understand, right?
They aren't just... and they aren't...
You can do it. I'm sure of it. When you're done, you can leave. That's all I have to say. It's OK if you didn’t understand, all said and done,
Goodbye!"

Zenless Zone Zero, the newest game announced by HoYoverse, has opened its Discord server. See you there!
https://discord.gg/zenlesszonezero

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https://zenless.hoyoverse.com/en-us

Welcome to New Eridu!

Dear citizens, the sub-Hollow disaster that occurred in the district you are traveling to has been contained.

Thank you for your cooperation these past days. Your application to enter the city has been approved.

New Visitor Detected

Shhh... For those citizens who want a little "excitement", try listening to this.

Recruitment for the Zenless Zone Zero Tuning Test is open! Sign up on the following page and fill in the survey for a chance to qualify for the Tuning Test and be one of the first Proxies to take on this test commission!

💤 Tuning Test Recruitment: https://hoyo.link/f3dxYCA6

Follow the official Zenless Zone Zero community:

Twitter: https://twitter.com/ZZZ_EN
Discord: https://discord.gg/zenlesszonezero
Reddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/ZZZ_Official/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ZZZ.Official.EN
Tik Tok: https://www.tiktok.com/@zzz

Please enjoy your tour!
unique thornBOT
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Adventurers' Guild Internal Review
Investigation Report #1:

I, Fischl, the Prinzessin der Verurteilung, Sovereign of Immernachtreich, invoke thee who receives this message to answer the call of fate! Heed my prophetic decree!

Oz: Mein Fräulein wishes to give this week's investigation report to the Adventurers' Guild.

The common folk have grown tired of consuming those awful, breaded, fried morsels of fowl! It is high time that I, Fischl, bestow upon ye my utmost favorite food—the Mitternachtsbrot des Sommernachtgartens!

Oz: She means to say that Taverners have strayed away from what seems to be called "chicken nuggets."

But Oz, there is something I am confus... ehem, merely have a passing curiosity over. For I see the threads of fate, and nothing in this world may surprise me.

Oz: What is it, mein Fräulein?

What is a... "funni" ?

Oz: It seems that people are now focusing on more entertaining matters for discussion, such as photography and comedy.

Oh-ho!
_

Report Details

According to my observations, #nuggt-gang has now become #funni-picture-chat-with-silly-characters-doing-weird-things-and-stuf-thats-also-rlly-funni.

Mein Fräulein sends her warmest regards.
unique thornBOT
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Adventurers' Guild Internal Review
Investigation Report #2:

Hahaha! Yo, guys! Uhhh, sorry it took me so long to get back, on the way here I accidentally got trampled by pack of wild boars that were roaming the countryside... weird, because they're never in that area normally... but I have some pretty good information if you wanna listen up!

From what I saw, people got tired of reading that place's really long name, which is understandable. But, ya know, it's always good to put forward 101% to everything you do! Ummm, I didn't actually get to see much after that, 'cause a wild bear started chasing me—even though I didn't have any food...

I escaped into a cave and the bear left—thank god—then I realized the cave was filled to the brim with poison ivy. It was so itchy! As it turns out, the entrance got blocked off when I rushed inside... hahaha... so I was stuck for a good while before someone realized I was gone. It was just for a day or two, not a big deal, so don't worry about me!

Oh right, onto what else I saw. Since they didn't really like reading the long name, they changed it to something much shorter! I think it was also because they wanted to attract more people to some small business in the area. Uh, I dunno, I don't usually hang out there.

Anyway, I should probably check in with Barbara to get bandaged up... I feel bad for always needing her help though.

Report Details

The name #funni-picture-chat-with-silly-characters-doing-weird-things-and-stuf-thats-alsor-rlly-funni has now been changed to #click-me, wonder what that means!

Hey, uh, has anyone seen my dads around?
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Adventurers' Guild Internal Review
Investigation Report #3:

I, Fischl, the Prinzessin der Verurteilung, Sovereign of Immernachtreich, invoke thee who receives this message to answer the call of fate!

Oz: Mein Fräulein wishes to give this week's investigation report to the Adventurers' Guild.

It has come to my attention that the incandescent dining hall of the vastest and billowing kingdom of Evernight has been... forsaken?!? What blasphemous atrocities hath been committed for this abrupt and unforeseen exodus?!

Oz: Her restaurant has been closed down.

In replacement of my dominion of nightfall, a meager dwelling made to market coffee has been erected. Outrage and resentment plague my patrons who occupied such vivacious lands with blissful joy.

Oz: A cafe has been opened in place of hers; Mein Fräulein expresses much anger in response.

Do you know what 'Tenryou' is, Oz?

Oz: It is part of the Tri-Commision located in Inazuma, Mein Fräulein.

Hmph! My kingdom shall be restored on a warm summer night's eve in the darkened shadows of midnight.

Oz: She wishes to rebuild her dining hall one day.

Report Details

From my recent investigations, I have observed that #fischls-divine-kingdom has been removed, and in its place #the-tenryou-cafe has appeared.

I do hope that the Tenryou cafe does not serve any fowl.
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Adventurers' Guild Commission Board
Commission #2: Don't forget about me, comrade!

Reward
Tusk of Monoceros Caeli (1x)
Shard of a Fowl Legacy (1x)
Shadow of the Warrior (1x)
Quality time with yours truly!

Commission Details
Hey, pal! Haha, well, I assume it's you who'll pick this commission up. It's gotta be, right? You're the star of the Adventurers' Guild! ... Or so I've heard.

Sigh, I've been lacking in suitable fighting partners these days... where's the challenge, the passion? If I'm gonna take over the world someday—which I will!—I need to train hard, you know?

I bet you've been real busy since we last met, huh? What do you say about a spar?

P.S. - To make myself clear, this commission is for @pure echo, and other seasoned, battle-ready adventurers! If that's not you, then don't bother taking it. You're probably too weak to face me, haha.

:BrightChilde:

New emote added!
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Adventurers' Guild Internal Review
Investigation Report #4:

Phew... what a week. Man, I'm beat! Didn't find any treasure in that domain I entered... uhhhhhh. Well, actually, I did, but—funny story, haha—a Fatui Mage blinked in and stole it from under our noses at the last second!

Yeah, it's fine, it's fine! But I'm sure glad Razor was with me, or I woulda left with a lot more injuries otherwise.

Oh. While we were there, we saw some guy wearing a hat alongside a bunch of dancing Fatui members. I think he was... lecturing them? Not really sure what was going on, we didn't stay long enough to find out.

Anyway, see ya later!

Report Details

Looks like #the-tenryou-cafe has changed to #scawamochi-my-little-meow-meow, and #click-me has changed to #rhythm-games-chat.

Benny's Adventure Team: Currently recruiting!
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Commission #3: eye spy with my little eyes, a spymon

Rewardv hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh [[[[[] pqb12h2222222h2h2h2h2h2h2h2h2h2h2h2h2h2h2h2h2hhhhj]

and sour Squirrel Fish(1x)
uiiiiiiiii reerrrrrrrrrrrrrretyttyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Commission Details
Traveler! Paimon needs some help! While sneaking into Xianglings kitchen, she made some Sweet and Sour Squirrel Fish! While cooking she saw me peeking near th/9

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Adventurers' Guild Commission Board
Apology Notice

The Adventurers' Guild Commission Board would like to formally apologize for any confusion caused by the previously posted commission. There was a mishap involving some strange purple dust, but it has since been blown away by an Anemo vision holder.

Yobi the cat says hello.
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Adventurers' Guild Commission Board
Commission #3: Sneaky Spymon!

**Rewards: **
A piece of Sweet and Sour Squirrel Fish (1x)
Words of wisdom (1x)
Rock (1x)

Commission Details
Traveler! Paimon has a request. Well... you see, Paimon has been sneaking off to Xiangling's kitchen for a while and well I ended up eating the dish she prepared...

To be fair, she was the one who left it out! Paimon was just being an excellent critique. So now we need to replace the dish with a new one before she comes back. Who knows what she'll do to Paimon if she finds out! Paimon can't turn into Emergency food just yet!

Hey! This isn't the time to laugh! So just help Paimon cook the dish before Paimon becomes the dish!!

P.S - I wasn't the only one who was peeking around in Xiangling's kitchen! @tulip sky was the one who invited me to come along.

:PaimonPeek:

New emote added!
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Adventurers' Guild Internal Review
Investigation Report #5:

I, Fischl, the Prinzessin der Verurteilung, Sovereign of Immernachtreich, invoke thee who receives this message to answer the call of fate!

Oz: Mein Fräulein wishes to give this week's investigation report to the Adventurers' Guild.

A bursting and lustrous amount of material has been identified in the previous daylight's findings. The common folk have appeared to become fond of "V-tubers" and beverages in this hallowed era...

Oz: Many new changes have taken place. A studio for V-tubers has popped up, while other places have begun serving tea and wine.

Who is the commander of the liqueur? Unknown. It is beyond the Prinzessin der Verurteilung. However, recent arraignments indicate a restoration of former glory. In place of the worship of the dastardly traitor known as the Balladeer, but a simple residence serving tea has opened. It has been christened as the Yangshang Teahouse.

Oz: An unknown figure who goes by the title "Wine Master" has returned. One of Mein Fräulein's more... troublesome acquaintances—Scaramouche—was removed and replaced by a teahouse.

The Prinzessin der Verurteilung—Sovereign of Immernachtreich—shall carry on with one's examinations!

Oz: Mein Fräulein will keep investigating.

Report Details

From my recent investigations, I have observed the following:

  • #rhythm-games-chat has been removed, and in its place #vtuber-studios has appeared.
  • scawamochi-my-little-meow-meow has been changed to #yangshang-teahouse.
  • #maiden-beloved-diluc is now #the-wine-master-returns.
Who is the Wine Master?
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Adventurers' Guild Commission Board
Commission #4: New guests?

Rewards:
Wolfhook (5x)
Dandelion Seed (4x)
Windwheel Aster (2x)

Commission Details
Hello! I'm writing this commission just to ask for assistance for these 2 travelers—one had long pink hair with turquoise eyes and the other had black shaggy hair with blue eyes. It seemed like they weren't familiar with the area, so when they saw me they came over to ask for help. Sadly, I don't have much to offer them.

I talked to them recently outside the skirts of Mondstadt, and they said that they were here to fight a "VIRM"? I'm not entirely sure what that is, but the girl was very confident about it, laughing the whole time. I don't know... I don't want any trouble for them, or for this "VIRM". So just help them find their way around. Thank you!

P.S. - I'm not sure if this information will be of any use to you, but I'm guessing the name of the guy she was with is "Darling"? Last I saw, they were headed towards the city.

:Heh:

New emote added!
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Adventurers' Guild Internal Review
Investigation Report #6:

Ahhhhh! Man, what a day... Was mostly the same as yesterday, but guess what? I got wheat instead of cabbages from a chest this time!

I'm actually pretty happy about it, since I can bring it to one of my dads, and we can bake some bread together. Aaaand maybe it won't turn out like poisonous purple sludge if one of my dads makes it, instead of me... Knock on wood, ya know?

I really wanna help out, but I'm afraid of knocking over all the ingredients and spilling them—or even worse, getting something on my dad! I would feel super bad if that happened... especially after all they've done for me...

Anyway, during my adventures, I witnessed a few things that I thought would be good to report to the Guild.

Report Details

From my investigations:

#vtuber-studios is now #kokoro-x-rose. Huh, wonder what that means!

#the-wine-master-returns is now... #scaramouche-when-fandango...?

And last but not least, #yanshang-teahouse has closed! But #the-teyvat-cafe is setting up shop in its place.

Hope the bread turns out good...
unique thornBOT
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Adventurers' Guild Internal Review
Investigation Report #7:

(whispering) Oz! ... Oz!

Oz: What is it, mein Fräulein? You don't appear to have a formal report ready.

... A-ahem! How rude, and incorrect! Oz—do not lead my faithful retainers into thinking I have not completed this week's reconnaissance...!

Oz: But that missive you received...

Hmph! Silence, Oz! Do not speak further of this. I, Fischl, the Prinzessin der Verurteilung herself, shall relay to ye that of which fate has inscribed!

Oz: It seems mein Fräulein has information to share, after all.

(Amy mumbling to herself out of character) I was put on the spot...

Report Details

From recent investigations:

Patrons of the-teyvat-cafe- have started writing highly educational articles on various, random topics! They have decided to rebrand to #wiki-cafe.

A strange group of people have gathered around #kokoro-x-rose, expressing their desire to purchase coffins from Wangsheng Funeral Parlor. It is now #home-of-hutaos-harem.

Mein Fräulein will soon be fairly busy.