Austria’s Scibbles | Huddle | Page 5

left moat Apr 24, 2026, 2:09 AM

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crazy part about this is that I genuinely don’t care

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I think the worst part about this

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is that I was right

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I told him this would happen

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I dont think he believed me at all

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I can feel his aching 614 miles away.

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Its not mine.

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Its his.

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Oh my god it hurts so fucking badly

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I never do these things right.

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I’ll always be alone.

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and its probably best for everyone

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I’m

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I’m a very

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difficult

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broken

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person

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and i ruined the thing I begged and pleaded and cried for and prayed of for months to you

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I begged you on my knees

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“Please give me someone who is going to marry me”

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and I dont think anyone will now

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the agony

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And now its my turn

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Because this is all my fault.

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Im always the problem in these things.

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Knowing my stupid hopeless ass Ill be crawling back tomorrow

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Because I don’t know how to live

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I just want everything to end.

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My eyes are burning.

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The skin is raw

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from all these nights

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crying because I know he always deserved better

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How horrible I an

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jesus

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it fucking burns

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no no no no no

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this is for his own good stop

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this is for his

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him

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He

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Im such a fucking pathetic dog

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I cannot breathe and my face is soaked and my eyes burn

left moat Apr 24, 2026, 11:15 AM

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163

left moat Apr 24, 2026, 8:49 PM

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i feel really gross about begging like that…

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like some

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ugh

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forget it

left moat Apr 24, 2026, 10:16 PM

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“talk to someone if you need help” everytime I need it everyones busy or unavailable

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And I just feel stupid and embarassed

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And I feel annoying

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Im just gonna shut off my phone

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I feel so stupid

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No one cares

left moat Apr 24, 2026, 10:47 PM

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everything feels so pointless

left moat Apr 24, 2026, 11:29 PM

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left moat Apr 25, 2026, 12:00 AM

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left moat Apr 25, 2026, 6:19 PM

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left moat Apr 26, 2026, 1:04 AM

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I wish people hung out with me more

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164

left moat Apr 26, 2026, 12:58 PM

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165

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i feel so gross having these thoughts in church

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but I love him so much I cant help it

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i feel so sick

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ugh

left moat Apr 27, 2026, 10:20 AM

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166

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I cant believe that fucking happened.

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I would never do something like that to him

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What makes him think it’s okay and justified

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“well one of my friends is there that I never talk to”

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THATS ON YOU FOR NOT TALKING TO HIM

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DOESNT MEAN ITS OKAY

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TO JUST ABANDON ME

left moat Apr 27, 2026, 11:15 AM

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why do i even bother

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all of it is gonna be ignored anyway

left moat Apr 27, 2026, 11:46 AM

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ugh

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it all got ignored anyways

left moat Apr 27, 2026, 1:19 PM

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i feel like a fucking loser

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ykw

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yeah'

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im doing that

left moat Apr 27, 2026, 2:20 PM

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ugh

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not satisfied with that

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whatever

left moat Apr 27, 2026, 4:48 PM

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im stupid

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really stupid

left moat Apr 27, 2026, 8:03 PM

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stray estuary Apr 27, 2026, 9:36 PM

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left moat

It doesn't

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It never will

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You'll just die

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There's no sweet nor savory

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And you leave behind everyone who's ever cared about you

left moat Apr 28, 2026, 6:50 PM

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what did I do to deserve this

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Ive done nothing rude or mean today

left moat Apr 28, 2026, 8:22 PM

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left moat Apr 29, 2026, 2:35 PM

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168

left moat Apr 29, 2026, 8:06 PM

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I really think I should just stop trying to talk to her

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And him

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It just feels hopeless and

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I feel like Im jusy gonna end up getting hurt everytime I try

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Vaggie_Sad

left moat Apr 29, 2026, 8:39 PM

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i feel pathetic for never speaking up about my SA story during this month.

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I just dont think it counts

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everyone hates me

pallid haven Apr 29, 2026, 8:55 PM

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austria is in austrailia no/

left moat Apr 29, 2026, 9:09 PM

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I fucking hate people that do that bullshit

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pmo

left moat Apr 30, 2026, 11:34 AM

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169

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i hate my bodyyyy

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i want to be so androgynous

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i cant wait to get finished with school this year and cut my hair off and dye it

left moat Apr 30, 2026, 2:16 PM

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i feel so lonely today

left moat Apr 30, 2026, 5:40 PM

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stress stress stress

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Fuck this system

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Easiest year of my life my fucking ass

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I have 3 projects being thrown on me and 7 other fucking things I need to do to het the fuck out of here and secure my future

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No wonder this fuckass system causes so many fucking suicides

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I would be offing myself too if I was still in a weak ass state like I was 3 years ago

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And it doesnt even matter if I fail the finals

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Ill still pass the classes

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But why are you going

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HERES 5 PROJECTS BEFORE YOUR FINAL

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AUGHHHHHH

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DIE

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screw you uncle sam

left moat Apr 30, 2026, 9:57 PM

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hes gonna make such a great father… I love him blobflushedlove

left moat May 1, 2026, 12:10 PM

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170

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im so anxious

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i wanna talk to him

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i cant

left moat May 1, 2026, 1:13 PM

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im gonna start TWEAKING

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shtis actin up today

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everythings going off

left moat May 1, 2026, 4:18 PM

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#

#

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near sapphire May 1, 2026, 5:48 PM

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left moat

wise quotes

left moat May 1, 2026, 6:29 PM

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Blew off the ol jbl speaker

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Ts better than therapy

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I needed this so badly

left moat May 2, 2026, 3:01 AM

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i dont want to even say that

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thats so rude and inconsiderate and hirtful

left moat May 3, 2026, 12:26 AM

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171

left moat May 3, 2026, 3:09 AM

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https://open.spotify.com/track/2HeLqRgQRttQE16abLHfR5?si=vQDghBy6TN-EcYbOhcgEfA

Spotify

Through Heaven's Eyes

left moat May 3, 2026, 1:18 PM

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172

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i feel so stupid crying

left moat May 4, 2026, 1:05 PM

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173

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i wonder if im causing issues

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for her

left moat May 4, 2026, 8:05 PM

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It’s mental health awareness month, so I guess I should write my story, since I was too much of a coward to talk about my SA.

In 2023, February 28th, I decided I was done living. But I ultimately didn’t have the strength to carry out my wish.

I texted my mom that day. I was sitting in biology trying so hard not to cry. She picked me up early from school. All I wanted was to be dead, but I felt guilty for wanting such a thing. I couldn’t hurt my mother like that after she had just lost her mother. Her closest parent.

I felt obligated to continue living. Because I was my mother’s first child. The child she wasn’t supposed to have because she was suffering so badly from endometriosis. I was the one that made her a mother.

Maybe thats whats kept me from dying for so many years. My mom. I love my mom. I couldn’t bear to be the one who makes her hurt like that.

So I was hospitalized. Put on suicide watch. They asked if I felt I could go home and be safe. And I said no. Unaware of the circumstances I was signing up for. So they sent me off to a place where there were children who were too difficult for their parents to handle, and it was obvious why, or people like me. Suicidal, but, for some reason decided to keep going.

I was there for 8 days. I quickly learned how shitty the mental health system is in America. How much damage the place thats supposed to help you, hurts you.

When I got out I was subjected to intensive in patient therapy. I was pulled out of school. Away from all my friends. I felt like I was being forgotten. I was banned from technology, banned from touching utensils, holding scissors. All the guns in my house were dismantled and the parts were scattered around the house. I spent months in my house. But I dont recall all the events or details. I hardly remember most of that time. I was suffering a lot.

Eventually in December 2024, I would quit my antidepressants without telling anyone. I knew how to get off meds safely, so I didn’t feel there was a need. But after I stopped taking them, my life automatically improved. I felt like I had real feelings. Life felt more colorful. I felt free of that monster thats called depression.

But it is still there, but hes a lot smaller now.

At 15 years old, I thought it was the end of my life, my story. I never thought I would graduate high school or have someone who loved me. I was going to die alone.

I’m now 17. And I’m graduating at the end of this month. And I have a boyfriend who is now long term. My first long term relationship.

And thats why the semicolon will be my first tattoo. Because, even when I didn’t want my story to continue, it did. There is still more to life than suffering. Sometimes the silver lining is harder to pick out because the clouds are darker.

left moat May 4, 2026, 10:23 PM

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my bf is so sweet

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I love him

left moat May 5, 2026, 3:19 AM

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. . .

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shit man.

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just staring at my ceiling, miserable

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like usual

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we’re here for you my ass

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Half of you arent here for me when I clearly need it

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i have to leave the stupid gc for you to care

left moat May 5, 2026, 12:17 PM

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174

left moat May 5, 2026, 8:50 PM

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I like how even in a call with another person Im forgotten about

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Its really nice

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ill wait to see if he comes nack

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he didnt even say goodbye or anything

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so easily replacanle

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really nice hving friends such an amazing experience reslly

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Especially when you get asked to hang out but they just are on call with another person

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and instead of talking to you theyre talking to their other friend

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80% of the time t

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Id rather hang out with these new people and her rather than his friends at this point

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I dont feel like I matter to them at all

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Dont think I ever will

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at least not the way he matters to then

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I feel like a stupid

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Alien trying to blend in

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Trying to be

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relevant

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Trying

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to

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be

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…

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loved

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why do all these people have so many people that love and care about then

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and I just

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dont

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I have

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3

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people

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Three

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Friends who actually

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exemplify

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What a friend is

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and one if them is my boyfriend

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so its basically just two

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just two

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people

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who love me

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am I really that unloveable

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that fuckingdisgusting

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annoying

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too much

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Just twobpeople

left moat May 5, 2026, 10:36 PM

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I hate tiktok. I hate how theres never anything for me. None of the trans vent posts will ever apply to me because Im androgyne and theres nothing for that and the only thing closest too it is genderfluid and I feel so stupid and alone

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i wish i could fit in somewhere

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im so fucking pathetic

left moat May 5, 2026, 11:35 PM

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left moat May 6, 2026, 12:20 AM

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I wish I could feel able to talk to my trans friends about this atuff

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But I dont wanna make it about me…

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I wish I didnt see the mirror.

left moat May 6, 2026, 12:41 AM

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I FUCKING HATE YOU

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I HATE THIS

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I HATE YOU

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I HATE YOUR STUPID REFLECTION

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I HOW YOU SHATTER LIKE YOU SHATTERED IN THE MIRROR YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT

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YOURE FUCKIGN DISGUSTING

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NO ONES GOING TO SEE YOU THE WAY YOU WANT THEM TOO

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NOT EVEN THE FUCKING COMMUNITY

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YOURE NOTHING BUT A STUPID GIRL TO THEM

stray estuary May 6, 2026, 12:42 AM

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Wait

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You may think that way but you're objectively not a stupid and ugly person

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I know I left but I still remember us having some pretty mature and intelligent conversations

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You're not stupid

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And if you were the troll you thought yourself to be then Bly wouldn't have become your boyfriend

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Go easy on yourself

left moat May 6, 2026, 12:46 AM

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How do I explain this to you Uzart? /gen
I’m not what I used to be.
I’m ugly because I’m not the way I want to be.

No one ever going to see me the way I want to be seen, I’m always going to be too feminine to be a complete androgyne.

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I can’t force that view on anyone.

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I can’t make everyone address me the ways I want to be addressed, I can’t go up to my friends and tell them that they need to use he/him things more because I like the balance.

stray estuary May 6, 2026, 12:48 AM

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Well then how do you see yourself?

left moat May 6, 2026, 12:49 AM

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stray estuary Well then how do you see yourself?

I wish to look like a total in between of both worlds. I want to look so androgynous that no one can tell if I’m a girl or a boy but I can’t do that because I look too feminine, and I have to make do with what I have and it’s not enough.

I see myself as well… a 2 in 1 essentially.

stray estuary May 6, 2026, 12:50 AM

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What's the need to adopt the masculine?

left moat May 6, 2026, 12:51 AM

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Because it’s just a part of me. It always has been. I’m never been cis. I was never comfortable with it.

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I don’t know how to explain this in a way that makes sense and doesn’t sound stupid.

stray estuary May 6, 2026, 12:55 AM

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I couldn't say that I understand and I'm no expert but there's a clear lack of identity as a result of some factors and I don't know how you could get through this but I don't think that crucifying yourself and making yourself feel small is the way to go about it

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It's harder to do but just go easy on yourself for your lovers sake and for the sake of all of those around you

left moat May 6, 2026, 12:56 AM

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left moat I don’t know how to explain this in a way that makes sense and doesn’t sound stu...

I never fit in with my own gender, in fact the only thing that connects me to them is my life experiences. I have always been more masculine, and I always was around boys, but again, I didn’t fit in perfectly because, I was a girl.

But I had to always repress that side. I’ve been forced to wear dresses, it was always “just a phase” or just being a tomboy but that never felt right either. I was never content in my gender identity until recently, but that doesn’t mean I don’t struggle with it.

left moat May 6, 2026, 12:57 AM

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stray estuary It's harder to do but just go easy on yourself for your lovers sake and for the ...

I dont think you understand just how much I push aside for other people Uzart

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I stay up for hours for our friends.

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I cry over all of them.

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I work my ass off making sure they aren’t hurting themselves or doing anything to off themselves when thats really all I’d love to be doing.

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I suffer here in silence away from most of them.

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I have two people that DM me about this journal

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and thats Bly and CL

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And they are the only people who get to see the falling apart.

stray estuary May 6, 2026, 1:01 AM

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It may be noble to worry about people but to put yourself through all this strain while dealing with your own shit isn't healthy

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It's not a crime to be a little bit selfish for yourself

left moat May 6, 2026, 1:02 AM

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I just don’t have it in me to call attention to myself like that.

stray estuary May 6, 2026, 1:03 AM

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It's not calling attention

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You don't have to make a scene of it

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Just explain that you have your shit and you gotta take time to sort through said shit even if it means that you can't help other people with their shit

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Because shit is shit

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And if you have too much of it

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You stink of shit

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So if you don't want to stink of shit you avoid places where theres shit and you take time to clean yourself off

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Bad analogy

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But you get my point?

left moat May 6, 2026, 1:06 AM

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Yes

left moat May 6, 2026, 1:06 AM

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stray estuary Bad analogy

I found it humorous, which is what I needed, so I wouldn’t say it was that bad

stray estuary May 6, 2026, 1:07 AM

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I do love my jokes

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But yeah

left moat May 6, 2026, 1:09 AM

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When are you going to return to us?

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I miss you.

left moat May 6, 2026, 2:04 AM

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I wish I had the strength to do it sometimes.

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Wish I would stop guilt tripping myself out of it

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Cant talk to my mom though, shes got a mixed bipolar episode right now

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I dont want to set off her mania…

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have to pretend everything is fine tomorrow

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Get everything out tonight I suppose

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Parting with my uniform might be the hardest part

stray estuary May 6, 2026, 2:12 AM

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left moat When are you going to return to us?

Nah

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https://tenor.com/view/bitcoin-motorcycle-driving-chopper-sunset-gif-20404827

Tenor

left moat May 6, 2026, 10:46 AM

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Sometimes I wonder if things could’ve been different

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175

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Thank god X is gone now

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https://open.spotify.com/track/33KU9huHP1Lv1UWWVkuTYd?si=aAljJfrySCq9HfCT4gwv0A

Spotify

Impostor Syndrome

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left moat May 6, 2026, 10:49 AM

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left moat Sometimes I wonder if things could’ve been different

I wonder if she ever held those same feelings for me sometimes. I try not think about it too much.

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I wonder if I would’ve had a shot with either of then

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Especially T…

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It hurts to think that she might be with another girl because I really liked her.

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And it was so bad that it was obvious.

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All my friends could tell.

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But its been what

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3 years?

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I bet she doesn’t even remember me

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But oh how I miss her

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I miss my friend

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I dont think me and the other one would’ve worked out

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I would’ve been too abusive I think

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I beat myself up for stuff I don’t do

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Just so it can be peaceful

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I might be having a regression in my mental health

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But its okay

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Its just temporary

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Its just from the stress

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I keep waking up before my alarm

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With a sense of dread

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but it will all be over soon

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Summer is nearing

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I’ve isolated myself so much that I only talk in one server, and two gcs

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My grades are so good though

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So what does it matter?

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My success is more important.

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My degree…

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I must beat those statistics.

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I will not be another ADHD statistic

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i will not be an addict

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Not like my family

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i will not vape smoke

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Drink in excess

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I will not become a drunk like my father

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I will not become a drug addict like my granddaddy, my gramama, my uncle

left moat May 6, 2026, 1:27 PM

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watching him and my brother go down the same path as me makes me feel like Im trapped behind a glass door thats sound proof, and they cant see me

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banging and screaming on it "no dont do it"

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I shouldn't have been the oldest

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I am a horrible example for my brother

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I have to hear the same sound of my father yelling, but instead of it being me

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its him

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and he lies

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the same way i do

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woe be upon me for my sinful leadership

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i never asked for such a role

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I wish I was good at poetry

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alas, all I have is an extensive vocabulary

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maybe that makes up for my lack of wit within writing

stray estuary May 6, 2026, 10:20 PM

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left moat I am a horrible example for my brother

Ho! For it was choso who once said that it was the older sibling who set an example for their younger siblings. For even when you fail and falter, when your errors get the best of you it is a chance for your younger counterparts to avoid that path and choose better.

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https://tenor.com/view/choso-choso-smile-choso-smirk-choso-cute-jujutsu-kaisen-gif-2389704126907974757

Tenor

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Let them learn from you and learn from yourself to become the best version of yourselves

left moat May 7, 2026, 1:44 PM

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176

left moat May 7, 2026, 2:53 PM

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left moat May 7, 2026, 6:46 PM

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Thabk god my friends were neve rlike this

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left moat May 7, 2026, 8:06 PM

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Sometimes I want to puke… I sound just like JS sometimes…

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eugh…

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what a disgusting thing to talk like…

left moat May 7, 2026, 8:33 PM

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Sometimes I just want to sock him in the face

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I dont know what im doing with my life

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I think this trip

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Pushed me away from him

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And I dont know how to fix that

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Not my fault

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Lowkey kinda his

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I always text every bit of free time I have

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Im very bored on our calls now

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Would rather just get off and listen to my music in higher quality than listen to his stupid ass tiktoks for 6 hours

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Lowkey pushing everyone away tbh

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oh well

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Such is the life in the fuckass American public school system

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SallieShrug

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who cares if I have no friends?

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Certainly not I

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I only needed them to look normal and have an appearance of a normal life.

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Hence why I have very few irl.

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Not to mention I simply don’t trust people anymore.

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Wonder why.

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I certainly enjoy being used by people. Absolutely.

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I just love it.

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I’m going to lose my mind because now the senioritis is hitting

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During the last 2 weeks of school

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Funny right?

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Yes yes so very funny.

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So ironic.

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This is the cost of locking the fuck in.

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but fuck it.

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Fuck it.

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Fuck my health.

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Fuck my chances of being a mother.

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I’ll regret every moment of it.

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But god damn I’ll be rich.

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I’ll be more well off than my parents, and I’ll make him the best life he could ever ask for.

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My meds are no longer working because of how stressed I have become.

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But you know

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All about those fucking 40% chances of getting a good grade!

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Right?

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yeah.

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Yeah.

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And they blame the phones.

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The attendance rates haven’t changed

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Bullying rates havent changed

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Suspensions got higher

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But ohhh yeah

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Its the phones

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NO

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ITS YOU

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YOU OLD ASS MOTHERFUCKER

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YOU ARENT EVOLVING LIKE EVERYONE ELSE

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GET WITH THE PROGRAM OR GET OUT OF POLITICS

left moat May 7, 2026, 9:25 PM

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left moat May 8, 2026, 1:58 AM

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Love is so hard sometimes.

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But tbh

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Love is really just a choice…

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Its waking up and choosing that same flawed person and deciding to pour your soul into them

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Maybe thats why he loves me so much

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Cause

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Im more than my chronic illnesses and my disabilities to him

left moat May 8, 2026, 10:27 AM

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177

left moat May 9, 2026, 3:43 AM

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i get worried shes talking about me sometimes but i dont think she is

left moat May 9, 2026, 4:17 PM

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178

left moat May 10, 2026, 7:09 PM

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179

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today i was able to eat as much food as i wanted without feeling like i’m disgusting

left moat May 10, 2026, 9:30 PM

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left moat May 11, 2026, 1:01 AM

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man I feel so bad

left moat May 11, 2026, 10:14 AM

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I fucking hate myself

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I wish I could be good enough for him

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be perfect

left moat May 11, 2026, 12:00 PM

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180

left moat May 11, 2026, 3:15 PM

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Sounds pretty familiar.

left moat May 11, 2026, 3:50 PM

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one more week

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Im so fucking proud of myself

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I just wonder how my younger self would look at me with such awe and wonder

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how on earth did you do it?

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fuck if i know

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i just kept getting up everytime i fell

left moat May 11, 2026, 4:36 PM

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sigh

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hate being bored

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wish he did reply

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but its whatever

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i did what i needed to do as a partner

left moat May 11, 2026, 9:29 PM

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left moat May 12, 2026, 12:33 AM

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I hate being 2019 america 💔🥀

left moat May 12, 2026, 2:26 AM

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Yeah

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Im an egotistical fuckwad.

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self conscious as fuck

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i cant even explain myself.

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Just

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ugh

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why do I even try to have friends

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im clearly not a good one, let alone a good partner

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just gonna go to bed man

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so sick of

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this bullshit

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Im getting sick of being in a relationship tbh but I think Id wind up dyijg in a ditch

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im a stupid fake ass mfer

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everything will be fine tomorrow anyways

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i fought back the urge to tell hin that i hate him

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vecause i know i didnt mean it

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god it was so fucking hard

left moat May 12, 2026, 1:02 PM

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i dont really understand why I end up being the punching bag for everyone

left moat May 12, 2026, 5:12 PM

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181

left moat May 12, 2026, 8:24 PM

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i dont think Im helpful anymore

left moat May 12, 2026, 8:39 PM

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left moat May 12, 2026, 9:51 PM

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I really fucking hate when I ask people for help and they dont do it right after I ask

#

Fuck me for asking for help i gues

#

Ill just do it my fucking self

near sapphire May 12, 2026, 10:56 PM

#

left moat I really fucking hate when I ask people for help and they dont do it right after...

people sometimes cant immediately do it

#

each person works differently

#

also genuine help doesnt come with just comforting words, it is a long-standing effort

left moat May 12, 2026, 11:19 PM

#

Not the kind of help I was talking about but thanks ig

left moat May 13, 2026, 10:04 AM

#

182

left moat May 13, 2026, 3:58 PM

#

hes so fucking edgy now I like cringe whenever he texts anything

#

like I get youre having problems but

#

holy shit dude

#

you dont need to act like all those male manipulators 😭

#

its so bad its not even funny

#

its just sad

#

and god forbid if I say anything to him about it

#

cause Ill just be the dick again for telling him to drop the act

#

unless he never actually chnaged

#

wont even see this anyways so its like

#

okay

left moat May 14, 2026, 11:22 AM

#

183

left moat May 15, 2026, 1:01 AM

#

not good enough

#

ugh

left moat May 15, 2026, 10:13 AM

#

184

left moat May 15, 2026, 4:32 PM

#

I wish I didnt have attachment issues

#

this is going to be really hard

#

and so fucking embarrassing

#

I want to skip tonight

#

But

#

I need all the time with them I can have

left moat May 15, 2026, 4:50 PM

#

I wish I could make it go by slower

#

Give us more time

#

I dont want to lose them

#

No one prepared me for this

#

No one said this might be difficult

#

Why did it go by so quick

#

I dont want it to end

#

After the 29th we may never be in the same room again

#

All of us

#

After monday

#

We’ll never be in that library at 7 am

#

Never around that one table

#

Itll be someone elses hangout

#

my hoodie sleeves are soaked

#

I really dont want them to go away

#

I dont want to move on in this phase alone…

#

Not without my boys

#

its not fair…

left moat May 15, 2026, 5:46 PM

#

I wish I could write good poetry

#

outside is so unfathomably colorful…

#

Its

#

ugh

left moat May 16, 2026, 8:41 PM

#

185

left moat May 17, 2026, 11:29 AM

#

186

left moat May 18, 2026, 10:37 AM

#

187

#

Last day of high school

#

then finals

#

next week I graduate

left moat May 18, 2026, 6:07 PM

#

Done with my final day of high school

#

Now finals

#

Its bittersweet honestly

left moat May 19, 2026, 5:16 PM

#

188

#

grammy*

#

Shed be so happy with me

#

ugh

#

left moat May 20, 2026, 11:38 AM

#

189

left moat May 20, 2026, 5:53 PM

#

i just wish i could find someone to relate this stuff too

#

I feel so alone and small

left moat May 20, 2026, 6:17 PM

#

left moat May 20, 2026, 6:35 PM

#

I dont think ill make it to college.

#

ngl

#

I dont think Ill ever achieve my dreams

#

Im too stupid for them

#

Im too average

left moat May 20, 2026, 9:44 PM

#

just tear everything down

#

im sick of this stupid cycle

#

im just done

#

doing this

#

Ill stop trying to do anythign with him

#

i never get him anywhere

#

and apparently all im good for is hurting him

#

im just done trying

#

im sick of getting nowhere

#

i told him what it meant to me, i told him i didnt care what he did

#

i tried to make him feel more confident

#

i tried

#

being

#

gentle

#

i waited

#

for months

#

weeks

#

tried to get him to come out of that stupid insecurity about his writing

#

i praised him

#

nothing fucking works

#

so i guess thats just the fucking end of that

left moat May 21, 2026, 2:23 AM

#

https://open.spotify.com/track/1lqj3wgPj8gHCdq46hUjvr?si=TY5jW5maSCqZph7cwjxhgA

Spotify

I / Me / Myself

left moat May 21, 2026, 9:47 PM

#

Literally

#

so fucking pissed off

#

190

#

I dont want shit to do with him

#

And I hope that other guy explodes

#

I wish I coukd strangle these fuckasses

left moat May 21, 2026, 10:14 PM

#

so stupid

#

i dont give a flying fuck anymore

#

sick of being the only fucking person to manage the discourse between that place

#

And then being blown off whenever I have an idea to fix a problem

#

Just take me off your fucking team if Im that useless

#

I dont care

#

I hope your fuckass seever crumbles

#

I hope it was all for nothing

#

I hope it breaks in front of you

#

I hope your systems fail you

#

Ill just smile and grin while you watch it break in your hands

#

i dont care

#

i told you so

#

I gave tou the solution

#

The answers

#

But god forbid anyone listens to me

#

I hope all that work and burn out was for nothing

#

i hope it was fucking worth it

#

Dont fucking come to me whining when it fails

#

Because you bettee fucking believe there wont be any fucking sympathy from me

#

https://open.spotify.com/track/3oEkrIfXfSh9zGnE7eBzSV?si=nXcg9yx1RGaMaWdJELRaRA

Spotify

The Winner Takes It All

left moat May 21, 2026, 10:50 PM

#

Heads says I reply and talk
Tails says I dont

#

fuck

left moat May 22, 2026, 10:18 AM

#

191

#

last day of high school

left moat May 22, 2026, 12:59 PM

#

everything is done

#

Ive finished high school

left moat May 22, 2026, 2:25 PM

#

i wish i could stop crying

#

im such a crybaby

left moat May 22, 2026, 5:30 PM

#

I cried for

#

Like 3 hours

#

Maybe even 4

#

my head hurts so badly

#

my eyes are swollen

left moat May 23, 2026, 6:25 PM

#

192

left moat May 24, 2026, 12:43 AM

#

im so fucking annoying

left moat May 24, 2026, 1:28 AM

#

left moat May 24, 2026, 2:16 AM

#

I hate how invalid my dysphoria feels when theres no vents for me to repost because Im not trans, im not strictly non binary, and the closest thing I can relate to is genderfluid, but my label is so niche, theres almost nothing about it and no one I can find to talk about it…

left moat May 24, 2026, 2:49 AM

#

ugh

#

fuck

#

now i have to go get yelled at by him

left moat May 24, 2026, 11:25 AM

#

i like how no one cared

left moat May 24, 2026, 4:31 PM

#

193

left moat May 24, 2026, 9:15 PM

#

looking for a new name

left moat May 25, 2026, 1:12 AM

#

finally found oke

left moat May 25, 2026, 1:11 PM

#

194

left moat May 25, 2026, 11:54 PM

#

I hate being a people pleaser

left moat May 26, 2026, 7:48 PM

#

195

left moat May 26, 2026, 10:18 PM

#

that fucking bitch man

#

I’m just so hurt and angry

#

My self confidence is destroyed

left moat May 26, 2026, 11:28 PM

#

hate hate hate hate

#

I hate you

#

I hate me

#

I hate you

#

I hate me

#

I hate

#

I hate hate hate

#

I hate

#

I hate you

#

I hate you do much

#

I hate me more

#

I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you

#

I hate you so fucking much you fucking liar

#

YOU USED ME LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE

#

YOU PLAYED ME FOR THE FOOL I WAS AFTER I TOLD YOU TO TELL ME IF YOU HATED ME IF YOU DIDNT WANT TO BE FRIENDS

#

I TOLD YOU

#

WHY CANT YOU JUST LISTEN TO ME

#

WHY

#

I HATE YOU

#

I HATE YOU

#

YOU LIED TO ME

#

YOU USED ME YOU PLAYED ME YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE

#

WHY DID YOU HAVE TO PLAY ME LIKE THE FOOL I WAS

#

I WISH YOU JUST TOLD ME YOU HATED ME

#

IM GOING TO END UP HURTING MYSELF AGAIN AND IT WAS ALL YOUR FAULT

#

THE LAST TIME I CUT WAS YOUR FAULT TOO

#

YOU FUCKING MONSTER

#

I KNOW IM A PATHETIC LOSER

#

JUST SAY IT TO MY FACE

#

TELL ME YOU HATE ME

#

TELL ME TO SHUT UP

#

TELL ME YOU FIND ME ANNOYING

#

TELL ME IM TOO MUCH

#

I BEG YOU

#

JUST TELL ME HOW MUCH OF A HORRIBLE EXCUSE OF OXYGEN I AN

#

BUT GOD FUCKING FORBID I TRY TO

#

GET ANY SORT OF TRUTH OUT OF YOU

#

I KNEW YOU WERE A LIAR

#

A SCUMBAG

#

A PIECE OF FUCKING DOG SHIT

#

BUT YOU LET ME TAKE THOSE SWEET LIES AND LET ME BE FOOLISH ENOUGH TO TRUST YOU AGAIN

left moat May 27, 2026, 12:46 AM

#

why am I such a fucking loser

#

No one fucking like mes

#

On anything

#

nit cool enough

#

not good enough

#

Not fucking normal enough

#

Not man enough

#

not woman enough

#

not enough

#

NEVER FUCKING ENOUGH

#

WHY CANT I JUST BE LOVED FOR WHO I AM

#

IM MORE THAN ALL OF THIS SHIT THATS WRONG ME WITH

#

I SWEAR YOU WONT FUCKING REGRET IT

#

“just out yourself out there”

#

Yk what happens when I put myself out there?

#

NOTHING

#

BECAUSE NO OJE LIKES ME

#

IM NEVER GOING TO GET NEW FRIENDS

#

EVERYONE IN THAT FUCKING GROUP CHAT DOESNT SEE ME THE WAY I WANT TO BE SEEN EXCEPT CL

#

FUCK

#

WHY IS EVERYONE MY AGE SO FUCKING RUDE

#

I HATE EVERYONE

#

fuck me and all my stupid ideas

#

none kf them ever fucking work out

#

im gonna bite myself again istfg

#

thats all i fucking do

#

bite everyone in my life

#

I dont fucking mean it but I do it anyways because Im a stupid loser

#

theyd all be better off wothout me

#

genuinely

#

not like they fucking care

#

yeah

#

its done mo

#

now

#

fuck it

#

fuck it all to hell

#

burn everything

#

fuckfuckfickfuckfuckfuck

#

im so sick of having such a huge fucking heart and wearing it on my sleeve for pieces of shit

#

Who wont see me or try to help me

#

Who dont fucking want me

#

Im sick of it

#

Sorry for being a GOOD FUCKING PERSON

#

SORRY FOR EXISTING

#

SORRY FOR FUCKING BREATHING

#

MY FAULT I DIDNT KNOW IT WASNT SOMETHING YOU LIKED

#

NOT LIKE YOU GUYS EVER LIKED ME IN THE FIRST PLACE THO

#

THIS IS ALL HER FAULT AND THEYRE ALL NOT HELPING WITH IT

#

BUT YOULL NEVER SEE ME THE WAY I TOLD YOU I WANTED TO BE SEEN

#

YOULL NEVER TRY

#

TO DO WHAT I ASKED

#

YOU WONT EVER SUPOET ME

#

I hate

#

Fucking

#

Only cl respects the dni

#

Everyone else is so fuckigg bc

#

Pushu

#

Leave me alone

#

I just want to be alone

#

Youre playing a dangerous game

#

I put dni on for good fuckig reason

#

Its never respected by them

#

Im mot respecte dbh them

#

Im not

#

Enough

#

Ill never be enough

#

Im always gonna be the odd one out

#

Cause Im a stupid loser

#

i just want to be alone

#

im so sick of this

#

they suck

#

only one of them cared

#

only 4 people would care if I fucking died

#

Im such a fucking loser

#

and none of then are irl

#

How pathetic is that lmfao

#

Im such a fucking loser

#

Maybe I can talk myself into finally ending jf

#

But if anything Ill chicken out like I always o

#

do

#

Cause Im such a fucking loser and I think people will actually be hurt by my passing but theyd move on the week after

#

Cause

#

Im a loser

#

And no one actually gives a fuck about my sick ass

#

Too many fucking problems

#

too much to be loved just a little bit

#

Why am I too much for people

#

I just care and I love them

#

I just want them to love em too

#

Im just unloveable

#

Stupid unloveable cat

#

Disgusting dirty cat

#

Flea ridden and cursed

#

Looking for scraps

#

Taking them from violent hands

#

You never learn

#

And then when a loving hand comes

#

You bite it and you scratch it and make it ugly and bleed

#

Stupid cat

#

I just want to

#

Get rid of everyone

#

even him

#

Cause I know theyll all get tired of me eventually

#

everyone fucking does

#

Im only used

#

Im only a used piece of shit

#

Im nothing more

#

Done with

#

all of this

#

once and for all

#

Im so fucking tired

#

Im gonna be dead the second I get that diploma man

#

And Im crying about it because Im a failure

#

I’m a disappointment to everyone

#

My boyfriend

#

My parents

#

my brother

#

my family

#

…me

#

I cant

#

Bring myself

#

To do it

#

I want to live but I hate living like this.

#

I just want it to go away…

#

why am i like this

left moat May 27, 2026, 2:52 PM

#

196

left moat May 28, 2026, 1:53 PM

#

197

left moat May 28, 2026, 9:18 PM

#

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTB6cfLUW/

left moat May 29, 2026, 1:04 PM

#

198

#

graduation

left moat May 30, 2026, 3:33 PM

#

199

left moat May 31, 2026, 12:31 AM

#

I hate how it feels like my boyfriend is my only friend sometimes, cause no one really talks to me without me reaching out

left moat May 31, 2026, 3:26 AM

#

Starving myself again because Im a horrible person

left moat May 31, 2026, 4:13 PM

#

200

true crown May 31, 2026, 6:00 PM

#

left moat 200

you made it to 200! Congrats twin!! I’m so proud you 💜

left moat May 31, 2026, 6:00 PM

#

ty twin!!

jovial marsh May 31, 2026, 6:48 PM

#

left moat 200

Good job dear

#

I am so proud of you

stray estuary Jun 1, 2026, 11:08 AM

#

left moat 200

Nice one Aus!

left moat Jun 1, 2026, 1:25 PM

#

201

left moat Jun 2, 2026, 4:11 PM

#

202

#Austria’s Scibbles