Into the Void | Huddle | Page 3

dreamy sun Mar 19, 2026, 4:01 AM

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I really want to tell my boss not to worry, that I’m going to be okay. But.. I’m not. Granted, that’s not because of this. Hell if the only thing that happened to me was I lost my job and everything else was still going great I wouldn’t really be that worried about me at all

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But my job was the only thing really keeping me alive, and only for so long. So the only thing losing my job does is speed things up dramatically

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Anything else worth mentioning from our conversation? Oh yeah that this was a wake up call to everyone else that we are not immortal

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We were far too secure in our jobs here when we shouldn’t have been

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There were some concerns brought up about possible futures for the department

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More people being let go could be happening.

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Hell a possibility that we switch to chromebooks, outsource everything, and get rid of everyone was brought up

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People were looking at asking for raises.. I get the impression they won’t do that given what’s going on

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And uh yeah.. I think that’s the main things worth mentioning on that

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The other fucking hilarious thing that’s been happening is trolling Savannah

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I’m being very ominous, as I am good at, and it seems she is wanting to pry it out of me

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I’m not cracking though and I can tell she’s getting frustrated

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I also made references to a bunch of stuff between us and that was amusing

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I can’t stay awake any longer. Can talk more later

dreamy sun Mar 19, 2026, 11:28 PM

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Another whirlwind of a day has come to an end

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I spent the entire day engaged in politics related to my departure. My coworkers and students were all supportive. Melancholy vibes but more on the upbeat side of things surprisingly. I wrote up my resignation letter for my boss and that seemed to go over well enough. I did decide to tell him I was gonna be okay after all.. well I guess that isn't completely untrue. I could hear some staff asking him about it to which he told them I was resigning which is true but everybody will know something fishy is afoot about the whole thing. I also tried to write up a farewell letter to all of the staff but politics stood in the way of my ability to do that. A few years ago we had a messy departure where somebody went rouge (in the eyes of my former employers) and that has hindered my ability to get that sent out today. It's with my former boss now who is going to take it to his boss for approval.. hopefully. There may be some editing required but so long as I get what I want without my message being altered too much I'll live with it.

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I shall link redacted versions of both below because my my do I think I have writing talent. (I have some pride in how well these turned out, especially the all staff one.)

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Letter to my boss (not my final draft but I only changed like a couple words so.. it's basically the same thing:

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Obviously my reasons for resigning is total bullshit but this is the game we have to play in the workforce sometimes

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I decided to read that one teacher's letter to people over again and yeah.. he was not subtle about his reasons for going

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In his letter to admin he specifically says "sometimes what looks good to a donor isn't what's best for our kids."

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Now, I do agree with sentiments he expressed in his letter but jesus was that spicy

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(He left over being too open about his views on gaza, that being pro-palestine)

dreamy sun Mar 20, 2026, 12:24 AM

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I on the other hand said nothing about it except it being a "very difficult decision" which uh.. you can read into but hey I gave them absolutely nothing to start rumors with. One of my finest writing pieces if I do say so myself. If you can't tell, I am big on sentiment. The majority of this letter is spent going down memory lane.

dreamy sun Mar 20, 2026, 2:56 PM

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Ah just read over it and noticed a mistake at the end, rats

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Well other teachers did that too so I don’t feel too bad about it

dreamy sun Mar 24, 2026, 1:53 PM

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Oh yeah I ended up VCing with Savannah on Sunday, was not expecting to do that at all

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She asked if I was still friends with Joseph for some reason? Yeah I ended up telling her that he was nasty to me and was making plans to blackmail me so yeah.. that info may get back to him but that's fine. Would be satisfying for me if he knows that we both know that he is a trash human being.

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She tried to tell me that he still worries about me and I was just like yeah.. I don't find that believeable (then mention that stuff in my previous message)

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If he does still worry it is because he is worried about how what happens to him reflects on him

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She told me they are still in contact, which I had already heard from another guy

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Though from what I'd been told from that guy, they don't talk often

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I am keeping the gas lit about my employment status

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She gave me an update on her life, which is mostly things I've already seen

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I was previously very critical of her for the shit she got up to after we stopped talking, but after hearing more of her side I would say I am less so. She still does stupid shit that makes me facepalm like willingly being delulu for a guy who clearly is not interested in any kind of long term relationship

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She does seem to think she's gonna fuck him which yeah probably but man oh man am I tired of hearing about this guy

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She's mentioned how she likes to annoy people with mentioning the guy so I was like yeah ignore it as much as possible got it

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Oh right she mentioned how deep my voice sounds which surprise I'm depressed tf you think was gonna happen

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She asked me if I had any questions for her which at first I said no and she sounded disappointed. (Granted I have no questions I want to ask about her life, I know all I'd want to really.) Then I thought about it and was like yeah actually I have questions but not in front of a crowd and not now (the implication of course being it is about things between us.)

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As mentioned already, I am in no rush to try and figure out anything between us like that. It wouldn't really serve to accomplish much of anything for me. The only one who stands to benefit from it is her

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Oh right earlier I did not elaborate to her what Joseph's blackmail plot was going to be but surely she knows

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Yesterday there was a fucking hilarious chat interaction

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She destroyed Savannah goddamn

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Still more things happening, just felt like jumping to this cause it was of interest to me. Bye for now

dreamy sun Mar 27, 2026, 3:54 AM

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I am constantly reminded why I’d rather have never gone to school

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By that I mean college. That’s all

dreamy sun Mar 30, 2026, 4:32 AM

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Ran across this today, relatable content: https://youtube.com/shorts/F1t1j-B6vPA?si=Hv5KoSHJmwhWvTNE

YouTube

PFrame Animations

POV; when you really don't care anymore 😔😔 #animation #shortv...

▶ Play video

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I don’t even know how to describe my life anymore

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I’m still as empty as I was when this new me was born and yet I’m going to try building an empire piece by piece anyway. I’m doing whatever the hell I feel like doing for no reason other than because I can. Not to attain some goal or a desired outcome, but just because why not

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I may not even live to see this fully play out, after all my desire to not exist is still strong

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It’s sad because of how soulless it is compared to what could have been. The old me wanted to do this for a long time out of a desire to help others and do work I was passionate about. I wanted to be the best and I wanted everyone to know it.

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Now it’s just.. something to do that I just happen to be knowledgeable about. Nothing more, nothing less.

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And now Savannah is slowly but surely trying to reinsert herself into my life

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Or at least it seems that way

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She is definitely aware now after our last VC that the group is counting to operate without her

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And perhaps she recognizes that I am the biggest barrier to her being reintegrated back into the friend group

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Perhaps that is why she’s so invested in settling this, not because she cares about what she did to me but because she wants her old social life back

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And quite frankly, I’m in no rush to give it back. She deserves to feel some of the pain she dealt to me

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Though from what I hear, she’s pushing people away all on her own

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Her life revolves around her situationship thing. It has for a long time. People are sick and tired of hearing about it

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The few people who are willing to VC with her have all complained about how they’re tired of hearing about this asshole.

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One recently came into a call with the group after he was done with her to complain about how he had to listen to that shit for 30 minutes

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And her desperate attempts to try and get back into the group are falling flat

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Anytime the text channel where we used to congregate starts becoming lively she’s quick to jump in and try to get people to call with her

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From what I heard from her I know she’s got other people to talk to

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But she may have pushed them away too talking about her guy obsession

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Honestly, I hope that is the outcome. I hope she reaps what she sows and comes to know the crushing despair of loneliness.

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Just like I have at her hand

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If she continues trying to be involved with me, then I will eventually grill her on everything. I will eventually share my pain with her so she can fully understand the consequences of what she’s done.

dreamy sun Apr 3, 2026, 6:06 AM

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I talked to my brother today

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Sounds like he and this girl are thinking about getting married at 20. A good 7-8 years out from now. It’s cute

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Long enough out that I’m not really concerned. If by then they still wanna do it and I still happen to be around for it, well then I don’t see a reason to stop them

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We talked in circles about a few topics. It seems he enjoys being able to talk to his older brother once in a while

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The youngest sister also informed me that mom is starting to suspect something is up, with the work thing if that isn’t clear

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I expected it would start happening around now. That doesn’t make it any better, still sucks ass

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Honestly there isn’t much point in doing this, except for two things: buying time and sending a message

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Time to have my peace and the message being fuck you

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This should reinforce the fact that I’m not going to tell her a damn thing

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Dealing with it when she eventually figures it out is gonna be terrible

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Hell it might even turn into a fight

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Oh right and the cunt had the boy remind me that rent is due by the end of day (3rd)

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So those scars that just healed are coming right back as per usual

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Oh right and I made some depressive posts in the channel Savannah and I are in talking to another guy. I hope she feels bad about it, knowing that she helped create my pain I mean

dreamy sun Apr 3, 2026, 4:24 PM

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Forget another week it seems she knows now

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My mom went to my grandma to ask and bless her she did her best not to tell her anything but unfortunately, “I was told not to talk about it,” tells her enough

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If I wanted to try and extend this out any longer I should’ve kept it from her, but I was under too much pressure back then

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Now that slimy cunt can just call the school and get a confirmation that way if she so wants to. I wouldn’t put it past her to do that

dreamy sun Apr 4, 2026, 5:11 AM

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I got a fair amount of pushback from people for the comments I made earlier in one of the public servers I’m in with some of my friends

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It becomes apparent how vague I made things sound when some observer jumped in to say that I alluded to doing something self destructive

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He went as far as to say the longer this goes on the harder it is to feel sympathy for me

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Which yeah, most people stop caring about stuff eventually

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While I still chose to keep it vague, I did make sure to correct the record to say whatever was going on wasn’t something self destructive I did

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That’s the funny part about all this, I didn’t do anything

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Or rather all of this falling apart like it did is on others

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Lest we start victim blaming here now. Oh well you should’ve just made peace with the people who wronged you, it would make your life a whole lot easier

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Yeah? Well maybe you can live with yourself doing that but not me. Despite everything that’s happened to me I still speak for that which I feel to be right and stand against that which I feel to be wrong

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Hell I stood up against what I believed to be wrong at the cost of my own life. The old me is dead because of what he stood for, and I know he would’ve made the same choice 100 more times if it meant holding onto my principles

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I guess I was always destined to end up this way huh? Too many corrupt people exist to do corrupt things that eventually led to my loss of faith in the meaning of life itself

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Well enough about that. The main focus now is around my brother

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My father called me to inform me that he got a call from the school social worker that my brother appeared to be distressed. I wasn’t exactly sure what that was supposed to mean, but I expected the worst

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My brother later came to tell me that he wanted to back out of going to my father’s today. When I told him about the call that I got and that he was free to open up if he wanted to tell me about what was bothering him, he said he didn’t want to and to ask my sister about it

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So I did and it essentially boils down to this: my brother is making accusations of physical abuse against my mother, two specifically. The first one alleges that about two years ago my mother slapped him in the face. The second alleges that about a week ago she threw a lid at his face. While I’ve been told the details regarding the circumstances surrounding what led up to that escalation in both instances, honestly there’s no need to go into them here because nothing (except maybe self defense) could ever justify doing something like that.

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From what I heard it sounded like the school tried to ring up my mother first which led to my brother being put on the phone with her. I’m told my mom is trying to force whatever’s going on out of him which I feel is not her right.

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My sister advised him to go to his dad’s because it sounded like mom was going to lose her shit. I was of the same opinion and advised him to go to, so he decided to listen to us. Honestly I’m glad he did, from what I saw today over at his place he is much better off there than he is here.

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I honestly never thought I’d see the day when my mom would look like a worse parent than my dad but here we are

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Anyway after speaking to my sister about it initially, my brother was willing to go into it more. He said he wanted to live with either his friend or his grandma and get out of here

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He went to the social worker because he understood that as a minor child he has no power to make things happen on his own

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It more ways than I hoped would be necessary, he reminds me a lot of myself at his age

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He seemed unsure about how he wanted to handle things with his father, probably because while he believed living with him would be an upgrade over his mother he was still trying to achieve a more ideal outcome for himself.

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In the end though he decided it would be best to tell his father straight what was going on

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And so after a nice meal, we did just that. I say we because he was so nervous about saying anything that he’d rather I spoke for him instead.

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It’s interesting because my father believes himself to be morally superior compared to my mother. While somehow an argument could be made for that, I still find it hypocritical for him who struck me and the other siblings to call out my mother for similar behavior. To understand how he thinks he can do this without being hypocritical, he makes a distinction between striking a child in the face and striking them on their back or something.

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As with everything, he sites religion when saying that

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I would argue that it was worse when he kicked me, punched me, pulled my sister’s hair, and all the other nonsense like that he’s done

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Still he was rather supportive of course, which was good because my brother needs that right now

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I later discussed at length with my father what’s going on and despite everything he still told me that I need to be nice to my mother. While I can’t do that, it is at least nice to see that the standards he applies to himself in that regard he also applies to her

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He still continues to bring up how my mother wronged him in the past which is still weird to listen to given that was something he did to himself and my mother acted to protect us from him

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Only other thing of note was that he wants my brother to stay here if at all possible to continue trying to police the situation at home, not that he can do much now but for sure when he is older

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Of course he wants the same for me too

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So he expressed concern over a social worker getting involved because that threatens his ability to stay at home

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I’m not exactly sure how I feel about it. I want what’s best for him and staying here is certainly not that. He’s trying to groom my brother to take on the man of the house role like he did for me. Granted, I liked having that position and I would’ve liked to maintain it.

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But.. I’m not sure at the cost of my own sanity. I don’t want that for him. Hell even if he wanted it none of his siblings would respect him if he ever tried to exert that perceived authority

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And to be clear I believe he doesn’t have the right to control his siblings

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Just to act as a guardian

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Hell the two oldest below me don’t even respect me the eldest in that way

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The only one who does is the youngest sister

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Idk I think I would rather him do what he can to help the situation here, but ultimately prioritize his own needs. After all, what good will it do if he just ends up turning into a Lord Void Jr.

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Lots to think about. There will probably be more developments tomorrow

dreamy sun Apr 5, 2026, 8:41 AM

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No time to go over things today. Too tired, too busy

dreamy sun Apr 6, 2026, 3:21 AM

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Holy fuck things exploded today

dreamy sun Apr 7, 2026, 2:30 PM

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Alright it looks like I haven't given an update on anything past Friday so I will do that now

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My brother asked me to come for dinner so I could drop him his project supplies. He was quite disorganized about the whole thing (get used to that). After talking him through what he needed at the house, I went to a store to get something he needed.

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He also neglected to tell my dad I was coming until the last minute so.. fun. Didn't end up mattering because I didn't find what he needed at the first store so he was sending me to another store and I was going to be very late anyway. Spoliers: I didn't find what he needed at the second store either. When he checked to see if the store had what he needed he didn't check that it was in stock at the location

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So I go to eat and I'm trying to think of another store to go to that will have what he needs. I think I've found something but it's back the way I came.

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Also worth mentioning he told his dad he didn't have any work to do so when I come with his project that he himself told me to bring his dad was pissed

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Anyway we go to this 3rd store to find what he needs only for him to tell me it's not good enough. So now I'm annoyed because bro spent the day dragging me across the earth to find nothing

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I won't bore you all with the details, but I had him explain his project to me so I could better help him with it

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And oh let me tell you, it was like pulling teeth trying to get the information I wanted. Eventually I think I have an understanding of his project, so now I can talk to him about specifics.

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We go back and forth and eventually I find a substitute that's agreeable to him in place of the item he wanted

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So I take him back to his dad's for the night and go to sleep myself

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Also I am running around doing this stuff for him in place of doing my own work

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I needed my tax stuff ready for the next day to hand off to my Aunt

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So now Sunday beings. My brother texts me saying he needs something else from the house and if I could bring it. Due to unforeseen circumstances, my mom was still around when I wanted to be leaving so that caused delays for me and my grandma who was taking me. She's not very pleased about "this game" that I'm playing with my mom since it is inconveniencing others but hey I'm not happy about it either

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I decided to tell my grandma what was going on since my brother was thinking about wanting to stay with her.

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I had to reinforce with her that hitting children was never okay even if she has justifiable reason to be upset with him. Bit odd but at least she's willing to listen to people

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So now we're at my cousins and I'm having a fairly good time all things considered

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At the end of the event, my grandma decided to break what happened with my mother

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I swear to you I could hear my mother say something like "I'll hit him as much as I want to"

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Well, try that and I'll be the one saying that about you

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Fucking unbelieveable

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So I'm talking to my aunt and uncle about it now that they're hearing what's going on and they're reinforcing things they said before

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My aunt still believes that it is unfair to the children to bring some man into the house like that and they should've gotten their own place seperate from us

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My uncle mentions how he and my grandpa didn't get along much but things just kinda eased up over time or something?

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Obviously they talk to each other now so it's better than it was. Still, I'll want to hear more about that if possible

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So now we're all back home and my mom has picked up my brother from my dad's

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And I'll need to cut here for now.

dreamy sun Apr 9, 2026, 2:11 PM

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Let's continue now

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I don't know why but my mom decided to bring that asshole with her

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Apparently he was told okay but he shouldn't be on his phone so much

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Well apparently he knew how to ask for the wifi password

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Just wonderful. You've been here since June 2024. It is almost 2 years later on top of the 5 years you were supposed to be in contact with mom. Still you know basically no English to the point that you're still talking via google translate. You've been going to English classes and yet no fucking progress.

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I cannot believe how dense my mother is. I told her back then if he was invested in making things work here he would've made an effort to learn the language. He didn't and two years later he still hasn't. Oh but he knows how to ask for the fucking wifi password. Why? Because he actually cares about that. Maybe you should ask yourself why he doesn't know anything else. If you have the drive to learn a language, you will. My friend's fiancé is Dutch and he's doing everything he can to learn the language. Granted he is required to have baseline knowledge to get his visa but still. He loves her enough that he's willing to give up his life here to be with her. I vaguely remember what love like that feels like. I was ready to do a lot which included learning a new language of course. So yeah.. he's just using mom and it's obvious

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I got sidetracked a bit. We are now leaving the event and heading home. My mom stopped to pick up my brother on the way who guess what didn't have his shit done

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Me and my grandma drove with my sister, we had her do her first real highway driving. She almost merged into another car and got us killed, classic

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(no we didn't go hard or anything, but at least it'll make sure she's careful in the future)

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So now me and my sister are dropped off and my mom and the rest come home soon after

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My mom tries to take my brother out on a walk to ask him about what's going on. He's a real trooper, only says "no comment" or so he tells me. Either way my mom didn't get what she wanted out of him so she tried a different approach

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My mom and all the rest of my siblings are in the kitchen and I'm sitting by the stairs. My mom calls my grandma to listen in and then everybody starts really getting into it. Honestly I would've needed to record the conversation to get all the details out of it but I'll mention what I do remember

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Well I'll first mention that my mom tells my grandma not to talk and just listen

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First they go into the allegations my brother made and of course my mom denies all of it. I expected as much, given this was the same thing she did to my youngest sister when she slapped her face

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The siblings of course mention things like that to reinforce that yeah whenever hitting has come up she's always said it never happened

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Then my mom asks my brother how he feels about being here, to which he does say he'd rather be somewhere else

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My mom takes great offense of course but does say he can stay wherever he wants

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It is now worth mentioning that the stupid man tries coming downstairs multiple times

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I am wearing my black hood and black mask. So bro seeing me on the stairs looking up at him and I guess nopes out of there lol

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Eventually one of my siblings comes when I mention it and waves him back upstairs

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So when push comes to shove bro has no power here and he knows it

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I've been making a point of hanging around a bit more than before, partly as an intimidation tactic for him

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Anyway back to the situation, my brother runs away crying so I'm comforting him

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My mom says something like oh see I told him he could stay anywhere and now he's happy he got what he wanted

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Bitch your son is crying I don't think he wanted any of this

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He's much like me, he never cries

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So that nightmare call out of hell ends and my brother comes to stay with me in my room for a bit while I work

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He mentions to me he's no longer interested in staying with my grandma since it seemed to him that my grandma took my mom's side in a lot of it

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Eventually my mom goes to sleep and I gather the siblings to have a "team meeting"

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Basically it is to go over my brother's school situation and make sure he's set for the next day (Monday). It's a work from home day for him.

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I don't really need to go into details here but we go over his missing assignments, set a game plan for the next day, then a plan for when he returns to school

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Now we finally get to Monday and my god that boy spent the day annoying us. He checks for any assignments he needs to do that day, and essentially only finds one. The rest are regarding his project

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So he gets the one assignment done then wants to eat lunch and play a game of chess with me. Okay fine, but it ends up getting a bit dragged out. (I had him in a trap very early on but much like any little kid he says no no no and wants to take his losing move back.)

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During lunch he went to the bathroom and seemed to be in there a while (will be important later)

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So now he's done with lunch and I tell him to get back to work. I leave and one of his other siblings is keeping watch over him

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We will now break here.

dreamy sun Apr 13, 2026, 8:43 AM

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Not my usual time but let's say we try to finish the story today

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To continue right where I left off, I came back downstairs to see that my brother was in the bathroom. The sibling that was with him told me that he'd been in there a good 10 minutes, again

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It is at this point that I am suspicious that he is hiding his ipad in there, a common tactic I used to do at that age

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Eventually he comes out and when I go to check sure enough I find it

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After speaking to him briefly about it I decided to confiscate it

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I think it's better that I do it then let his mom find out. As much as I'd like to do nothing I also understand that if I do that then I would be setting him up for failure

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Later his mom is coming home and he asks to find a different place to work away from her, understandably

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So we set him up in the basement and all seems to be going well. I later hear from my sister that instead of working on his project he's gotten his laptop out and is claiming to have work to do on there

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I was asked to come down and access the situation without making it look like I was told. She suspected that he'd been switching tabs which was probably true. So I go down and ask him what he had to do on his laptop and he tells me that he had a reading assignment. After going back and forth for a bit we establish there's no grade associated with it and he can put that off for now

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At some point he ran off to get something for his project. While he was away I took that as an opportunity to look through his internet history. I saw that he had been on amazon prime video most of the time he'd been down there, brilliant

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I was just going to have him face my sister and not say anything but after establishing he had no pressing work to do on his laptop he just put it away. Later after bringing up with the siblings it was decided that we tell him that we were aware of what we did.

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It is at this point I should probably name my siblings. Starting from the oldest there's me, Mariam, Gordon, Zainab, and Muhammad. Gordon was the one who resides in the basement and was observing my brother Muhammad there. Zainab is the yougest girl and the sibling I get along the most with

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So with that established, Gordon informs my brother that he know he had been watching prime video. For whatever dumbass reason, my brother tried to lie and say that he didn't. I told him I had the receipts and to cut the crap. He then fessed up to it and he was told to knock it off.

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It is also worth mentioning at this point that Zainab had been going crazy cause a bunch of food had been going missing with no perp stepping up to claim responsibility for it. We were pretty sure he was lying about being the one responsible and this just adds more weight to that making Zainab look less crazy

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I finally get some time to chill and my brother comes up to my room at 10pm to ask me if I can wake him in 2 hours. We go back and forth and eventually I convince him that it would just be better to get woken up eariler in the morning allowing him to get more restful sleep. Zainab says she'll handle it and that's that

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Tuesday now begins

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I wake up to find out that Zainab overselpt and didn't get him up in the morning. Not only that, he wasn't ready to go to school on time nor was he ready to go when my mom was able to take him in later. Wouldn't you know it, he didn't get his project done either. So now he's at home playing hokey, wonderful

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I'm getting ready to leave for class and my brother tries to stop me to help him with something. I tell him I'm bout to head out for class and to get one of his sister's to help him. He's just like oh nevermind and goes back to his project

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It seems my running around for him might have made him forget that I have my own life outside of the stinky shit my family gets into

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So I go off to class then meetup with my grandma for lunch at her house later. It was quite odd to say the least

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The main takeaway is this: my brother was cutting himself.

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That makes a confirmed 3/5 kids in our fucked up family resorting to this shit for one reason or another

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And the other 2 have psychological issues of their own. I have depression, Mariam had/has depression, Gordon has ADHD, Zainab has OCD, and now he's def got something too

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Anyway my grandma is trying to tell me that I need to be nicer to my mom or she might throw me out

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As annoying as it would be, I don't care more than the inconvenience it was cause forcing me to round up all my shit

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She told me my mom is annoyed that I'm working around her and that my mom feels that my brother should need to take his problems to his parents

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Yeah well when your parents aren't safe what the hell do you expect

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Still ultimately I decide that she's right, in that it's sub optimal for my mom and I to be working around each other in regards to fixing his school stuff

#

I tell my grandma that even if everything got better, I would still be unhappy here

#

"Here as is U.S. here?"
"..."
"You should go to therapy"
"I don't trust people. I talked to people I trusted and it didn't help."
"They aren't professionals"

#

That's what feels so yuck about this whole thing

#

I am all for allowing people to right their wrongs but this is a wrong that nobody involved can ever truly fix. Not my mom, not Pierce, and certainly not Savannah or Joseph

#

The person they once knew and did this to is dead. My existence now is a constant reminder of their failures. Though as I suspected it seems people won't truly feel the weight of what they've done unless it kills my physical form too

#

Anyway we sit for a while looking through old photos. I've always been big on sentiment so that was more than okay with me. I was waiting to head off to my next destination: bowling with old coworkers

#

Not much to report there. It was the first time I'd seen my one coworker since I "resigned"

#

Work came up briefly at the end. He mentions that my text was the only thing he'd heard from anybody about me being fired and he was given no explanation as to what happened. I can't say I was too surprised to hear that. He also mentioned that the boss had been meeting with him, saying stuff like 1 step forward 4 steps back. Yeah, whatever the fuck that means. He made it sound as if my suspicions are correct and he's on a performance improvement plan.

#

He mentions that he and the software guy are both not happy with the boss right now. I mention that I wrote up a farewell letter expecting to hear back only for nothing to ever happen. I may try to push for a follow up soon but I don't know.

#

I recall him having wanted to take classes soon, but now he's being told he can't be offsite during the workday for more than an hour at a time so.. literally fucking any in person classes are off the table which is total shit

#

He mentioned that his friend wanted to refer him for an IT position at his company and he is seriously considering taking it

#

Honestly after all I heard, I'm glad to not be there right now. I don't think I could put up with this crap especially with what's going on in my family right now

#

So anyway that's done and now I'm headed back home. A friend told me about a free frosty and fry wendy's promo so I decide to jump on it. I want to take all my siblings out to get stuff, given the work they've done to help me with my brother. Well turns out my brother still isn't done so I tell him I'm not taking him until he gets his shit done

#

I come back to monitor his work on the project. My mom and I speak for the first time in ages given that I think it's better for us to be on the same page about this

#

It was about as nothing of a conversation as I expected. At one point she tries to mention that it's good that I'm doing stuff that makes me happy with the PCs. I just say it's something to do. Yeah hopefully that got the message accross

#

So eventually he finished his project and was able to demonstrate that it worked properly. While I think I skipped over this part I learned the previous day that he didn't fully explain the requirements of his project to me so there was more that he had to do that I was unaware of. Honestly from this point forward the details of his project don't matter so I'll stop with that

#

I take him out for his treat and he gets himself ready for the next day, good. Wednesday goes by with nothing eventful happening well aside from catching up friends on what had transpired

#

Thursday comes and it is seemingly much the same, until I get a call from Zainab. She's told me that she was talking to his engineering teacher who said he didn't turn in his project and the end of the extension was that day. Yeah that's very bad

#

When my brother comes home I put him on the phone and we can't find his project. Well shit we did all this work just for him to get a zero on his project

#

I guess we will continue this some other time. Turns out an hour was not enough time to go over everything

dreamy sun Apr 14, 2026, 2:10 PM

#

Right I suppose I'll try to finish this now so onto Friday

#

I took my brother to my dad's. I expected this week to be an off week, so it looked to me that he wanted him to come because he figured out what was going on with the school counselor

#

It turned out he did it because he had that weekend off but not this coming one. Though I learned quickly that he was aware of the fact my brother cut himself. I imagine he heard it from the school but if he didn't then he heard it from my mom. My mom texted him about what was going on and decided to mention it. I don't know why because surely she knows that puts my brother in a difficult spot with my dad. It is like my mom to be vindictive though

#

I only know about the text because my dad had me read it

#

My dad grilled my brother on his school work which was basically a repeat of dicussions we had with my siblings and mom. Then he brought up the cutting. He went for the argument that I expected him to: harming or killing yourself is haram don't do it

#

I feel conflicted about it. On one hand, it very well may work.. at least for now. When my younger sister was doing it several years ago, it was the same argument I tried to use with her. She later told me that actually helped her to stop so.. I guess it works. On the other hand it just seems like a shitty argument. "Oh I know life sucks right now but don't kill yourself or you'll burn in hell forever."

#

Where I was when Lord Void first came to be that kind of argument was never going to work. First it was I deserve to burn in hell out of self loathing. Then it became what sense does it make to punish someone for that. Finally it became if god exists then he is cruel and I reject his message

#

He tried to press my brother on why he did it. All he got was,

#

"Did someone push you to do this?"
"Yes."
"Who?"
"Mom."

#

In private my dad tried to push me to say more but I didn't even know more to say and I told him such. I did try to cover for my brother as much as I could so that my dad would lay off pressing him on it. Eventually he seemed to leave it alone

#

And yeah, that's the whole thing so far just about. Worth mentioning that my mom tried to take a mile when given an inch. She has been trying to talk to me more when it is still unwanted because I've initiated any kind of conversation with her despite them all pretty much being about my brother

#

I've tried to show general lack of interest so hopefully that gets the message across

dreamy sun Apr 15, 2026, 6:46 PM

#

Every so often I am compelled to snoop and I found this little nugget

#

who the fuck do you think you are to stand in the way of my self determination

#

So people can screw up my mind and my life and you think they have the right to tell me I shouldn't put an end to it!?

#

Fuck you

#

@buoyant marsh oh and get this because the woman had bpd that's all the more reason to stop her

buoyant marsh Apr 15, 2026, 6:53 PM

#

medical suicide is meant for chronic, debilitating conditions that have an extreme detriment on a person's life. BPD is one of, if not THE, most agonizing mental conditions a person can be diagnosed with. and it really is that fucking bad, considering the fact that I live with it daily and have earned the right to say i suffer. if a person is disabled to the point of non-independence AND suffering a condition as painful and challenging as BPD, i'm holding the door to the clinic open for them and telling them i'm sorry for their life hurting them so much and wishing them peace.

dreamy sun Apr 15, 2026, 9:53 PM

#

My brother continues to piss me off, his science grade has dropped down to a 33% because he is neglecting to check on assignments he wasn't there for

#

His dad is going to email engineering teachers to get confirmation in writing that nothing can be done about that project he just.. didn't turn in. He mentioned that he will let his teachers know they can correspond with me regarding these issues. Depending on what he said, this may have unknowingly opened him up to potentially find out what happened to me at work

dreamy sun Apr 18, 2026, 7:07 AM

#

The year milestone of things happen in relation to the creation of Lord Void are now starting to happen

#

Well, you could take it back further to things that happened with my mom and with Pierce but had the stuff with Savannah not happened I do believe I would have mostly if not fully recovered from it

#

Exactly a year ago today, I returned from my trip to visit Savannah and the beginning of the end had started

#

Well.. things starting going south during the trip itself but I tried to move past it only to realize our relationship was getting more cold

dreamy sun Apr 23, 2026, 3:56 PM

#

Been rather quiet, usually a good thing

#

Things to mention.. my mom ungrounded my brother, a decision I actually disagree with. Fucker is still failing 3 classes he can have his shit back after he fixes that

#

My professor is annoying me in several ways. Firstly bro hasn't posted grades for assignments from 2 MONTHS AGO

#

I actually filled out a form this year to complain about him

#

And I usually ignore the course evaluation forms

#

Secondly he grades attendance

#

FUCKER I GET NOTHING OUT OF SITTING IN A ROOM FOR AN HOUR AND 20 MINUTES DON'T GRADE THAT SHIT

#

I had been showing up just to get my points, but lately I've been getting more lazy and just showing up like halfway through class

#

well this week he decided to stop using the sheet and promised to dock points from people

#

yeah.. fuck yourself

#

Some people may see it as free points which fair play to you, but man I got a life and going to your class is an inconvenience to me, larger when I had to leave work to show up

#

I'm just saying I liked the professors who remembered what it was like to be a student and just said ya know what you don't need to come if you don't want and I won't hold it against you, just get your shit done if you want a good grade

dreamy sun Apr 23, 2026, 4:22 PM

#

Last thing to complain about I guess: my irl friend group's monthly gathering.. or lack thereof

#

My closest friend Brandyn has been the only thing keeping this group together, taking over some of the leadership stuff to make up for my lack of involvement over the past year

#

I remember telling him that once he leaves to go be with his wife, I'm not sure how much longer this lasts. Granted it has always been a thing that in order to get group events happening somebody needs to push the others to get stuff together. It's just that once he leaves he won't be doing it, and I don't exactly see myself taking the mantle back up so.. that's it I guess. With the server being dead and no consistent group activity that will effectively be the end of things

#

That's the larger problem though, right now I'm more focused on a smaller part of it

#

This month Pierce has confirmed that he will host.. only no information has been provided as to when exactly and we're a week away from the end of the month. It's seeming like we will not be meeting this month

#

I wouldn't say much if it was just oh nobody planned anything so nothing is happening, but you don't just say you're going to do something and then not do it

#

Or if you feel like you have to back out, then say that too

#

But saying nothing is frustrating

#

Sigh, whatever

dreamy sun Apr 23, 2026, 6:14 PM

#

Well as soon as I talk about how things are quiet shit starts happening

#

My dad tried emailing my work email.. which spooked me because I thought he was gonna figure out that I don't work there as a result

#

Turns out a combination of things happened. Firstly, he sent it to an invalid address. Second, they never actually deactivated my work email

#

Lucky for them I don't intend to do anything malicious with that access, but leaving my account open is really sloppy and really dumb

#

Even if he doesn't put it together for now, it is possible he figures it out soon

#

Which honestly doesn't affect me as much. I was primarily concerned about my mom because she can actually cause me problems if she wants to. I've got stuff I can say if he does ask me about it and why I didn't tell him, but it's just an uncomfortable situation I'd rather avoid entirely

#

I don't view him as much of a problem/threat as I did in the past, given that I don't think he'll mistreat my brother all that much but he will try and control aspects of his life if he has primary control over him. Control things like hanging out with his friends all the way down to his damn haircut. As much as my mom sucks, she doesn't do that stuff

#

This whole family situation sucks, and I hate how we are all imprisioned in it

dreamy sun Apr 23, 2026, 6:43 PM

#

There are things to be done, but I don't feel like doing any of them; I just feel like not existing

dreamy sun Apr 24, 2026, 8:48 AM

#

2nd day in a row I’ve had extreme difficulty sleeping. It’s getting old

dreamy sun Apr 27, 2026, 7:11 AM

#

It is 3am on finals day now

#

After today I will no longer be concerned with any classes for a while

#

My hope is that I can get that bitch of my case in regard to any summer class

#

Given this is finals and she was saying crap about wanting to see my grades, we'll see if that statement has any teeth on it

#

Not that I intend to show her anything even if I do pass

#

What I do now is no longer her concern; it stopped being her concern when she betrayed me and the family

#

and her own faith on top of that

#

Well if she does intend to be a pain in my ass about summer stuff, I may try making the case that I need my time to focus on other business ventures

#

She is aware of the need to do so of course, given my unemployment

#

And yes, I do intent to spend time working on that stuff. However, I hope to also have time to work on my grand plan

#

Yes, it would still be preferable if I was dead. And now with no job to stop me from doing it just whenever I can proceed without worrying about that. Though my plan is elaborate and will likely be drawn out a long time, so I still need to be strapped in for a while it seems.

dreamy sun May 1, 2026, 5:55 PM

#

Every time I see Savannah complain about how the one channel we used to frequent is dead it really lights me up

#

I see no better fate for those who did this to me than to end up alone in the end

#

I know she's got other people, but knowing the friend group doesn't really talk to her much anymore makes me feel good

lunar yoke May 3, 2026, 2:42 AM

#

Hey how are you?

dreamy sun May 3, 2026, 5:52 PM

#

lunar yoke Hey how are you?

Ah been a while since somebody spoke to me in here, and I’d say I’m doing about as okay as I can be

lunar yoke May 3, 2026, 9:58 PM

#

dreamy sun Ah been a while since somebody spoke to me in here, and I’d say I’m doing about ...

Glad to hear. :)

#

We're here for ya wishing the best for you. Bro :)

dreamy sun May 4, 2026, 12:01 AM

#

lunar yoke We're here for ya wishing the best for you. Bro :)

Thanks

#

I guess some tid bits I can share. I saw my best friend Khalil yesterday. Seems he's had it decently rough

#

He's been having trouble sleeping for months, around a year even

#

Like he said many days he was only getting an hour of sleep

#

He started on anti anxiety meds on Friday night in his attempt to fix that, and it seems like it's going to work for him which is good

#

He told me his dad blamed the video games and his mom wanted to try natural stuff which he said he tried one of them

#

Turns out he quit overwatch for a few months and nothing changed. He even stopped using phones before bed and that kinda stuff

dreamy sun May 5, 2026, 11:01 PM

#

We didn't have a whole lot of time to catch up so I only told him a little

#

When I left their house after my stay last year it was his dad that pushed me (in a very pushy manner) to leave and go "figure things out with my mom."
I learned things that made her look worse and of course that no, I did not in fact figure out shit with her.
I lost my job (but not the detailed series of events)
Joseph's attempt on my life (not the details) and the resulting scar
Savannah's return
I settled things with Adam
Pierce's failure to setup or even mention anything regarding last month's gathering

#

I shall now detail each point starting with 1: I only brought it up because when his mom greeted me at the door it was mentioned that she was concerned that I left without a trace and no explanation. I hate that his father made the selfish request to ask me not to say he pushed for it. It does look a bit rude for me to up and leave like that, so I decided it was better for me to just come out and say it. I'm not sure if he plans to bring it up with his dad but I'd rather he didn't; I only wanted to explain myself. When I ate dinner with them later, I got the impression there was tension between me and his dad (his mom was sleeping and wasn't eating with us). Oh well I guess.

#

I have nothing to elaborate on 2 since I did not really discuss it any further. I did mention that I thought my mom charging me rent was a retaliatory action since it just so happens to line up with me standing up to her bullshit.

#

3: All I mentioned here was the resulting action that caused that to happen, the lack of sleep I had the Monday night leading up to my termination, and the bullshit reason I was given as to why this was happening. I also mentioned keeping it under wraps from my parents

#

4: I didn't go into details here so it was not framed in that way, just that said some terrible things that resulted in my scar.

#

No elaboration on 5

#

6: This may be the first time I mention it here but essentially we both recognized the technicality of him trying to go somewhere else to drink liquor. Technically it wasn't in my direct presence so I didn't cut him off for it and likewise he thought it was fine because of that

#

I did not mention this to Khalil but obviously I don't care about the drinking thing anymore

#

7: We essentially had a conversation about how the larger group only stuck together because I was leading it, managing events and people. He thinks we would've fractured long ago had it not been for my efforts. Not necessarily disbanded, just doing things in smaller groups and stuff. I mentioned Brandyn taking over the leadership role after I lost interest in doing it, and how he has been getting quite understandably frustrated with it. Khalil also mentioned that he had a stint managing an overwatch, which made him realize he never wants to manage people in any way again, so he understood as well. Then I of course mentioned Pierce failing to say anything about last month's gathering despite agreeing to host it. We both agreed that once Brandyn leaves, it will essentially be the end of the larger group. We're just stringing along as it is right now anyway, and maybe not even that. We talked about the group drama that led to this sorry state of affairs, and he actually agrees with me that it just made some of my friends look immature. I heard that a lot when talking to people about it. So yeah, that's that.

#

Guess the only other real thing to mention is the coworker I bowl with seems to be not reading my messages, ghosting me, or something else. I wonder what's up with that.

#

Honestly my first though is concern about how he's doing. We may soon find out.

#

One last thing: I'm lying to my grandma about signing up for a summer class. She may be feeding information to my mom about my classes but either way I am unwilling to chance anything. I'm gonna be honest I do not feel bad about lying, but I do feel bad circumstances dictate that I do that. I'd rather be truthful if I can but if I need to lie in order to look out for my own interests, I won't hesitate. In a way, I guess it puts on display my decent into darkness.

dreamy sun May 6, 2026, 8:53 AM

#

#

Had a conversation with somebody earlier in there

#

I decided to call out that this gave me an ick cause yuck I did not like that

#

to which she apparently contemplated calling us peasants 💀

#

which I thought of it earlier but if I'm a peasant than you're the dirt beneath my feet

#

what an outrageous thing to say

#

but no seriously I even told her I didn't even know how exactly to respond

#

like it feels like you've trivialized my conversation, use us for your own amusement, look down on us, or something idk

#

god she really gets under my skin sometimes

dreamy sun May 8, 2026, 12:55 AM

#

Jewel, one of my people in my online friend group, told me that he invited Joseph to hang out with his irl group

#

The same person who basically tried to kill me

#

That doesn't sit well with me, nor do I have any idea why the hell he would mention something like that

#

I get the impression Ashton doesn't really talk to him much anymore

#

But I just find it interesting that people willingly keep bad company

#

Ashton has a long time friend he keeps around, presumably because he's one of the only irl people he's got to hang out with

#

If you can live with it, I can almost understand keeping shitty people around because they make your life more enjoyable in some way

#

I just can't bring myself to do that

#

Whatever I decide my morals are, I've always strongly abided by them

#

Jewel has often spoken of how outrageous his irl friends are, so yeah I can see Joseph fitting right in

#

Anyway Jewel mentioned Joseph making a joke about how he's an assulter

#

I didn't find it funny.

#

Ultimately, I wish karma ridden fates on my enemies

#

Savannah, Joseph, my parents, and all those who created the void of a person that exists today

#

I hope that in the end their evil deeds catch up with them and they die abandoned and alone

#

And when that happens I will be there to have the last laugh

dreamy sun May 8, 2026, 5:23 PM

#

I find it funny that Savannah is reminiscing in the channel right now

#

calling the current state "the remains of the empire it used to be..."

#

while true, who's fault is it that empire fell huh?

#

100% on you

dreamy sun May 9, 2026, 9:06 AM

#

I’m tired out of my mind (given it’s 5 in the morning) but we’ll try to jot a bit down

#

Today was a pretty good day. We decided to boot up repo, a game our group hasn’t touched since the final days of the original group

#

We got bored of it fairly quick, I don’t think we’re gonna play it again any time soon

#

But we played a game about making memes and it was a chance to let inside jokes rip and yeah some of em were really funny

#

There were a few referencing the events of last year, others making fun of Savannah who won’t shut the fuck up about the man she’s hopelessly obsessed with, and the rest were just memes about our gaming sessions

#

For whatever reason, Jewel asked if anybody mentioned the server to Joseph

#

Which.. yeah he’s gone 2 for 2 now mentioning shit that weirds me out

#

The owner of the server, Pedro, made it very clear he doesn’t want drama coming into our new home

#

For clarity, he’s the moderator from the public server I’ve mentioned before. I know I’ve complained about him a bit before many months back, and clearly our life philosophies differ quite a bit, but he’s generally been a good guy and I like hanging with him well enough

#

Since Jewel wasn’t getting the hint, I decided to make it clear my dislike for Joseph by saying, “if I ever saw him again I would consider [unaliving him]”

#

And once again everyone mentioned how they stopped talking to Savannah because they got sick of hearing about this stupid guy

#

Pedro also mentioned not inviting her to our server for that reason and to avoid drama

#

I discussed it all with Ashton later after everyone else went to bed

#

I told him about what Jewel previously said to me about inviting Joseph to hang out with his guys

#

He mentioned to me that he hasn’t talked to Joseph in months, given that he hasn’t been playing marvel rivals. Also said that he was quick to push back on Joseph’s version of events from back then which is always nice to hear that again. Just in general said he found him to be an asshole and generally stopped talking to him because of it

#

It felt nice to hear that. It’s a shame we don’t live in the same area

#

I did mention stuff about Savannah and a little about the stuff I wrote down in here

#

Basically just rehashing the past few days of what she’s been saying in the public server

#

Also mentioned my keeping tabs on her, and having already known all her new lore when she first returned

#

Talked a bit about what I knew and why I’m doing this

#

Oh yeah talked about Joseph’s ex

#

Already gone over it, not doing it again

#

Yeah all I really care to say for now, tootles

dreamy sun May 10, 2026, 11:18 PM

#

“I can’t eat that”
“Not while I am around”

#

My brother is onto the fact I am not observing dietary restrictions anymore if he hasn’t figured it out already

#

We had Korean BBQ today and I came along to eat my fill

#

Certainly had no interest in celebrating Mother’s Day

#

I tried to not so sneakily sneak some meat but I guess he caught onto what I was doing

#

We had hot pot so I could hide stuff in there when he got up

#

I gotta say, I’m not impressed with it and wouldn’t really consider going back

#

The last time I went with Chrys I remember being a bit better than this

#

Now I’m in one of those moods where I just want to be alone

#

I kinda find it annoying when I get like this but whatever

buoyant marsh May 10, 2026, 11:51 PM

#

dreamy sun The last time I went with Chrys I remember being a bit better than this

Top Pot Goated

dreamy sun May 11, 2026, 7:55 AM

#

It seems I ruined Mother’s Day, and I don’t feel bad about it

#

In fact, I’m glad I did. Even if it was more than just my mom it who was affected.

#

The middle sibling, Gordon, pulled me aside to let me know that the others didn’t like that I made the choice to have the two mothers split up that day

#

I didn’t go into the day intent on doing anything more than just being quiet, gloomy, and obviously not interested in celebrating shit

#

But when we got there and was told that if we wanted to be seated right away than the group would need to be split up or wait 20 minutes I figured it was better for us to be seated immediately instead. Works out to keep me away from that bitch anyway

#

It wasn’t my choice to intentionally split up the two moms, grandma simply chose to sit with me and my youngest brother

#

As to elaborate of the point of messing up the day for more than just my mom, to a degree they are complicit for allowing her to get away with what she’s doing

#

I of course haven’t forgotten that way back in 2024 when my mom made the absolutely brain dead thoughtless fuckhead decision to probe me in regard to co-signing to bring her fucking loser here that when I told my grandma about how angry this made me she turned around and offered her support immediately

#

I think of this as a smaller betrayal of sorts

#

But she chose me to sit with me which was nice, and of course my brother was quite eager to do so

#

I know she cares, certainly more than my mother

#

Tomorrow I’m thinking I’ll do BOGO canes if I can to reward myself for fucking things up, though I was leaning towards doing that anyway

#

Funny thing is they’re doing it for Mother’s Day

#

I love irony

dreamy sun May 11, 2026, 2:26 PM

#

No canes I needed to go to a physical location and get some card on the 9th ):

dreamy sun May 11, 2026, 6:27 PM

#

The day is saved with $0.70 wings at wingstop

dreamy sun May 11, 2026, 10:19 PM

#

dreamy sun May 12, 2026, 5:32 PM

#

So I just got word back that I am not allowed to send anything out to staff at all

#

Not surprising at all for an organization that is more interested in short term damage control than actually dealing with shit

#

No matter, I will deal with this myself on my own terms regardless of whatever the fuck they want

#

Fuck admin, I’m gonna hold a grudge for a long time probably

#

If not forever

dreamy sun May 12, 2026, 9:41 PM

#

Somehow their brain death going beyond what I thought possible

#

Apparently they don’t allow anyone to send out a statement letting them know of their resignation for any reason regardless of circumstances and without any editing

#

Ms. Chen, my old Chinese teacher, is resigning this year (planned). She isn’t going to be allowed to make a statement

#

No matter, as stated before I will make my own statements. They can try to shut me up but they will fail

#

And of course if the time of my death comes, I will make sure they find out too

#

I will simply say “circumstances forced me to resign”

#

I may elaborate on it more than that but yeah

dreamy sun May 13, 2026, 6:32 AM

#

I'm once again awake in the middle of the night, in one of those moods of mine

#

There's a lot I could say, but I guess I will just say I wish things were different

#

There was a feeling I used to get when I pictured the moment of my death, something like relief or more like release

#

I can now close my eyes, focus my mind to it, and that feeling comes back to me

#

Perhaps this will push me to work towards my goal

#

At the very least if I'm going to kill myself, it's going to be in the middle of the night like this

dreamy sun May 19, 2026, 10:57 PM

#

Well, there’s an immediate need to write in here now

#

I guess for starters, I’m no longer clean

#

Based on old posts, I was clean for 75 days. Not that I was trying to be

#

Yesterday was Mariam's birthday. While it did feel pressured since my mom reminded me to say something, I did send a happy birthday message.

#

She responded by not allowing me to go out with the family to eat

dreamy sun May 19, 2026, 11:25 PM

#

To think something so benign is what would cause me to snap

buoyant marsh May 19, 2026, 11:26 PM

#

the saying “the straw that broke the camel’s back” has merit

dreamy sun May 19, 2026, 11:26 PM

#

But it's what that action represents that bothered me

dreamy sun May 19, 2026, 11:26 PM

#

buoyant marsh the saying “the straw that broke the camel’s back” has merit

Quite right

#

I have no doubt this is "payback" for mother's day

#

Which now will just become the status quo

#

Also failed to mention that this is building off of something I learned on Saturday

#

I went to eat dinner at my dad's, since I had been invited

#

My brother told me that my mom was complaining about me being loud at night, first I've heard of it by the way

#

Well my brother overheard the middle child suggesting the idea of kicking me out to my mom

#

Another betryal in a long list of them

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While it's shit here, it's stable. And that is the only thing keeping me alive at the given moment

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Introduce instability and you introduce ungodly stress and when you do that well.. something has to give and it will be me

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And given what I've just done well that may be inevitable now

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When they left I went rampaging through the house. Kicking and slamming shit, screaming

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I put a hole in the drywall

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Then as mentioned I decided that wasn't enough and turned the knife on myself

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I ended up smearing blood on my door

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But yeah. What started as a disagreement between the family and my mom has now turned into me standing alone as everyone turns their backs on me for whatever dumbass reasons they can come up with

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All I seemingly have left on my side in these walls is the two youngest and I'm not sure what they'll have to say after this

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I'm just done with all of this

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When problems do inevitably come from this, that will be the time to end things for good (assuming they are going to be as bad as I think)

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I wish I had taken myself out earlier, when I was really wanting it. Instead I was so insistent on getting the ideal outcome that I stopped myself from getting any kind of decent one

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And look what has come of me sticking around for just 5 more months

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I'm done. No more worthless things to distract myself with as I wait to run out of money, no more. I need to work on my plans now assuming I can even finish them, because I don't think I will

dreamy sun May 20, 2026, 1:08 AM

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Yeah the hole has been discovered and it did not go well

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And the blood on the door

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My mother made a show of it in front of everyone

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She has seemingly gone to wine about it to my grandma

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And the one who suggested kicking me out now wanting to make a show out of concern for my well being really just about did it for me

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I hate this fucked up family of mine

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I hate my life

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I hate everything

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If I had the power to make the world burn with my wrath I would do it right now

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But as I am powerless to just watch garbage continue to unfold around me, I shall paint it with my blood instead

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And now my mom is trying to suggest that I am a narcissist to my siblings

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And that I am feeding off of their energy

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Well, I guess there is some truth to that last part. But that is only because I want to pass my pain onto those who have given it to me, and also to those who knowingly sat idly by and just let it happen

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I lied about how the hole got there

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Said I tripped and put my head through it

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Was not about to tell them I forced my foot through

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Doesn’t matter even if some of them believe it was an accident, they’re still putting the bill for repairs on me

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My brother bless him fought for my honor

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I overheard some of it from the top of the stairs

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Maybe I’ll kill myself before I can get the bill for it

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Not that I can’t pay it but I really don’t want to

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Would be fitting really. I have a permanent reminder of my pain when I look down at myself and now they can have one too

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The earlier cuts weren’t enough, I gave myself more

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It’s just like before

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I have no interest in anyone or anything, only death

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Damn

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Seeing as the future grows more and more uncertain, I think the time has come for me to finally get a gun

dreamy sun May 20, 2026, 7:02 PM

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Dreadfully I woke up. I thought about going to eat cereal but now that I’m on bad terms with seemingly everyone I don’t want to be around any of them. The 2nd oldest in downstairs right now

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Maybe I’ll try to starve myself to death like I did last summer

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One of the things my mother tried to complain about was eating the last banana?

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I’m sorry for assuming food can be eaten cunt

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And you sent a text informing not to do that, that’s all you had to do. Stop using it to add to the pile of shit you can complain about to try and strength your position

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If we really wanted to go there I would have you beat 1000 fold

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It’s why I don’t bother pushing back much because I know arguing with her is pointless

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I imagine I’ll have a lot more to ramble on about for the foreseeable future

dreamy sun May 24, 2026, 9:18 AM

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Finished watching harry potter with Jewel, Ashton, Pedro, and Brandyn

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Sagas with any amount of cohesion honestly impress me

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I’ve spoken before about how I’d like to write one, but I doubt I’ll get the chance to

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The main story would have 7-8 entries

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I’d be the type to hold the entire saga to close plot holes and stuff

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But no matter. I’ve been thinking of targeting my birthday as the day to finish this

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But after the day is done. I’d wanted to make a day out of hunting down freebies first

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More to say but that’s all you get for now

dreamy sun May 31, 2026, 9:36 AM

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Little mini rant for you all today

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I was going about my business hanging out with friends when somebody joins us and mentions to Ashton that Joseph is trying to reach them

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And I'm just like what the fuck

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I will be calling this new person Ika from now on. TL;DR person I met in the public server, close friend of Savannah, I would just consider us to be acquaintances really

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Anyway so this tells me that Joseph is still talking to this person too and not only that why did Ika then have to turn around and announce in front me that shit

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Like thank you for telling me that the man who tried to fucking unalive me and deserves to rot in hell wants to hang out with my friend I'm so glad you brought that to my attention

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I ended up asking Ashton what was up with the message since it was bothering me so much

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Basically just Joseph begging to hang out with him and Jewel

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Figures a guy like him doesn't have many friends to talk to

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I hope this fucking unlovable loser dies alone faced with the unbearable consequences or regret of what he's done knowing nobody will come to save him

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I would like nothing more than to inflict the same pain onto him and eventually finish him off myself, though I will never be given anything close to that or justice even

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I can only hope that karma will catch up to him

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But I will make sure to reveal all his dirty secrets once I'm dead

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Then he will know what it's like

dreamy sun Jun 1, 2026, 7:25 AM

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I am really angry

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So my mother has decided to lock me out of the fridge and pantry

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And also has decided to follow through with charging me for the hole in the wall

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So naturally I will find a way to get her back for all of this

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But just think about what this means. She has decided that she doesn't like what I am EATING THE FUCKING FOOD THAT WAS BOUGHT TO BE EATEN

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And so instead of telling me something specific she has decided to lock me out of the fridge

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Tell me she is not being vindictive

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TELL ME

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I refuse to accept that in one breath she wants rent and in the next breath she wants to opress my ability to FUNCTION IN MY FUCKING HOUSE

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I left one of the bathroom sinks downstairs dripping to get back at her

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I said it to my friend and I'll say it again here: I wish I took myself out when I originally planned to

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Because all of the stuff I've had to put up with for failing to stay on schedule has not been worth it

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I hate her

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I hate all of them for allowing this crap to continue

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The overwhelming urge to just die is gone but fuck I really wish it wasn't so that I can take my pent up frustration and do something with it

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I just want peace and quiet

dreamy sun Jun 1, 2026, 8:06 AM

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That's it. Not a hard ask.

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I have been thinking of ways I can get around this.. maybe pick the lock or buy a replica key

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I may end up gracing them with my presence next afternoon to eat and by that I mean openly make shit in front of them and leave

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Because if they are determined to not let me have my peace then I guess I won't let them have theirs either

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But aside from that I guess my next move will be to inform grandma of this. Since she is the one who brings the ice cream then I'll ask her to stop doing it as a tactic to get them to stop this nonsense

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Because why should they benefit from her kindness and prevent me from doing the same

dreamy sun Jun 1, 2026, 8:51 AM

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I just hate the feeling that she’s “winning” or maybe getting away with it

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Yes.. the more I focus on how wronged I feel and how wronged people are all the time the easier it is to put my focus on wanting to die

dreamy sun Jun 1, 2026, 9:58 AM

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She is unable to lock up the deep freezer at night. I’ll start going for that next.

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I shouldn’t have to do or be thinking about any of this

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Well, I guess I don’t have a problem with eating dogshit if my own mother wants to stand in the way of me eating. Or maybe I’ll starve myself again

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God I would love nothing more than to inflict this same torture onto her

dreamy sun Jun 1, 2026, 10:58 AM

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Well I’ve completed my heist. By my luck I’m now awake at 7am and she needed to take that pathetic loser of a man somewhere. So I have my ice cream. It may be noticed but I took an amount that shouldn’t really be. Either way I do not care. If she wants to play stupid games then she can win stupid prizes.

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I would’ve also made food quickly but I didn’t really feel like doing so. Either way I may start hoarding stuff during the limited windows I do get as a result of what I have to go through to eat in my fucking house.

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I really should just end it all. None of this is worth the trouble.

dreamy sun Jun 1, 2026, 11:51 AM

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Finally tired enough to sleep now at 8am.

dreamy sun Jun 1, 2026, 12:47 PM

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No more like 9am apparently

dreamy sun Jun 1, 2026, 10:11 PM

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Oh right I never mentioned: we’re locking shit during the day too

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I don’t know what the fuck she’s playing at but I’m inclined to hold rent until I get this sorted

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And the cocksuker loser worm man gets to have the key to rub it in my face even more

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Astounding.

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All I’ve learned is the youngest sister hasn’t been told anything

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She thinks it’s to keep the youngest from getting into the ice cream at night

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Which still doesn’t explain the pantry

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I’m gonna end up killing these people or something

#Into the Void