#emi's safe space

3444 messages Ā· Page 4 of 4 (latest)

split veldt
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I don't wanna be here

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I just wish god would take me already so I don't have to do it myself

silver karma
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they will eventually

silver karma
split veldt
silver karma
split veldt
silver karma
split veldt
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Sure.

silver karma
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you don't deserve anything that's happening to you but that dosen't mean you should die

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how old is your brother

split veldt
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18

silver karma
split veldt
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Dw ab me tho

silver karma
split veldt
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I won't do anything to myself

silver karma
split veldt
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I had some makeup left on my face from the day

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He said I can't have makeup on at this hour and that I'm not allowed to go out even if I wanted to

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I didn't even say ANYTHING about going out and I had 0 plans of that

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Now I need his permission for it.

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I'm scared to talk to him because he could just invent a new rule

silver karma
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like why is he allowed to just make whatever rules he wants

split veldt
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Because no one talks back to him.

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If I do I'm the fuck up daughter

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If I tell dad they'll say I'm making the family fall apart

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If I tell mom she'll say her life is already hard enough and tht she doesn't want to deal w my bs too

silver karma
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i see

split veldt
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Ill be fine tho

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Fake it till you make it šŸ’Æ

silver karma
split veldt
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ā€œParade of Masksā€

Sunflowers grin, the sky is wide,
I skip in circles, arms open, eyes fried.
Laughter bubbles, bright and loud,
I join the crowd, I wear the shroud.
Candy drips from fingers sweet,
but each bite hides the bitter defeat.
Friends cheer, hands squeeze my own,
yet inside my chest, I walk alone.
Balloons rise, ribbons twist,
but shadows cling to every wrist.
The parade marches, colors unfurled,
yet some floats carry broken worlds.
Kites soar, wind lifts my hair,
I twirl and spin, but no oneā€™s aware
of the cold inside my beating heart,
of cracks I hide, torn apart.
The sun shines, golden and clear,
but every ray reflects my fear.
I wave at strangers, smile on my face,
while whispers of doom fill the empty space.
Flowers bend, some never bloom,
their petals wilt, trapped in gloom.
I dance among them, pretending light,
while nights creep in, devouring bright.
And when the music fades at last,
I hold my laughter, a fragile mask.
The parade moves on, the world untouched,
but inside, my soul is quietly crushed.

split veldt
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Omfg.

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The head nun of the dorm I was in

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She texted mom

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And asked her if I'm going back there

split veldt
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If my mother decides to send me back there

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Istg idk what I'll do

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Like

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The nuns aren't that bad..

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In most cases.

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But the kids?

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I'm fucking doomed

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Idk what to say about the nuns

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They aren't that mentally well

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They once beat up a kid so bad the kid fell sick for a week

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And there was this small girl

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4-5

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She didn't like mil

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Milk

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TW

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So she'd ||throw it up||

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bigger TW

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||then the nuns would feed her her puke.||

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Ion know

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I js know I don't want to go back

silver karma
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Why are they like that

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Wth

split veldt
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They have no sense of humanity mostly

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That's most of the nuns here

silver karma
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i see

split veldt
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Two birds.

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On a wire

spark brook
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I donā€™t understand how religious people do things like that

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Unfortunately common

split veldt
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The nun is texting mom lately.

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She wants them to meet up

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God I hope she doesn't change mom's mind

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I don't want to go back there

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After I told mom what happens there maybe she finally realized how fucked the place is

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I really hope so

split veldt
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She has to know how terrible it was for you

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I will ā¤ļø

split veldt
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Some dumbass girl is asking me to become someone's fake friend to get information out of them

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Hellllll nahhhhhhhh

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Ik you hired me as staff but loyalty isn't being fake to someone for you

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Petty ass bitch

silver karma
steep epoch
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@split veldt Hey I didn't read all of ur messages but I read most of them and as an adult my response will be this
Being scared is valid we all get scared but U HAVE TO SPEAK UP if ur not being heard then ur not being loud enough and I don't mean to yell but I mean to speak firmly
Start with ignoring her and finding new friend group tell ur mother she's abusing u threaten to tell the school principal about her and if she persists or pull ur hair again beat her an eye for an eye u will get detention and punishment but no one will ever dare to mess with u
Scared? Be scared let ur hands shiver but never be ever accept being the victim

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If it makes u feel any better during my senior year a new principal was assigned to our school he was an asshole so some day he raised his voice at me raised his hand and took a step forward as he was trying to hit me and I screamed at him ā€œDONT RAISE UR VOICEā€ he got really mad and threatened to dispel me but I refused to even apologize and when I got home my parents just looked at me with disappointment
U know what matters? I stood up for myself when no one did not even my parents

split veldt
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Yeah I understand but I would never do that. No matter how bad it gets I'll never be like that person. Because doing what they did would just make me worse than them

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Anws here's a poem

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"If I Decide to Die.."

If I decide to die tonight,
Would you still leave on the hallway light?
Would you notice the silence that fills the air,
Or walk on past, as if Iā€™m not there?
If I decide to fade away,
Would morning still be just another day?
Would laughter echo through the walls,
While my shadow lingers in empty halls?
If I decide to go to sleep,
Would anyone guard the dreams I keep?
Would the whispers Iā€™ve hidden under my breath,
Turn into echoes that speak of death?
If I decide my time is through,
Would the stars blink out, or shine more true?
Would heaven close its gates on me,
Or let me rest where no eyes see?
If I decide to cut the thread,
Would the world remember what I said?
Or would my words dissolve in rain,
Forgotten pieces of quiet pain?
If I decide the fight is done,
Would the night outlast the rising sun?
Would the promises I tried to hold,
Crack like glass, so sharp, so cold?
If I decide to fall apart,
Would you pretend it broke your heart?
Or would you shrug, and turn away,
Another soul that couldnā€™t stay?
And if I decide, when all is through,
It was the only choice I ever knewā€”
Then bury me where silence lies,
Beneath the weight of quiet skies.

spark brook
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Damn I didnā€™t realize I could appreciate poetry this much

split veldt
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sigh

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I can't remember the last time I was calm

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I can't stop feeling like something is wrong

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It's really bothering me to the point where I can barely breathe

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My heart hurts

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I went on another road trip

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Had to talk to strangers again because apparently I was the only one who knew English there

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I'm tired

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And

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Idk

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Just not that happy

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Idk if I can call myself sad because nothing really happened to make me sad

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But I don't feel that okay

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I'll just

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Idk

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Nvm

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I don't want school to start..

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I'm scared

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I'm really scared

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I have to go buy things for school tmrrw

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I don't want to..

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I'm gonna be so alone

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And

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Those stupid dorm kids

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They're gonna be there everyday

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And ik they won't leave me alone

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They hate me

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I know it

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Even my own cousin supports them

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No one cares because everyone always sees it as a joke

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Everyone always laughs

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But it's not funny

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They see them pull my hair and throw water at me but they always laugh

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It's just not funny

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One of the freaking janitors had to step in

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And everyone else laughed because of course

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Teachers are no where to be seen in these cases

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I'm scared

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I don't want to feel like I felt in my old school

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I don't want to keep getting hated on..

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It's not fair

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Why are people so mad at me

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The only person I've ever hurt was me

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I don't want to go there

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I dont

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They almost ruined my glasses so many times

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Fuck them

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And today this stupid road trip almost got us all killed

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That stupid driver kept getting too close to this car then the car would stop and he'd almost crash

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That happened 3 times.

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Then he was sipping a freaking can of beer and almost crashed again

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To the same fucking car

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Then he almost crashed into some pedestrians

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And again another time almost crashed to some people crossing the road

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6 fucking times.

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But

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I dont know why

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But I wasn't scared

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I almost wanted the crash to happen but I didn't want anyone but me harmed..

split veldt
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I'm imagining weird scenarios

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It's lik

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Like

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My brain won't stop

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No matter how hard I'm trying to not think

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I just keep thinking

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What if I js

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Nvm

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Hm.

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My head is telling me to do sm bad rn

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Maybe I should js go to sleep

silver karma
split veldt
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Can't sleep

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That's great

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Ig I'll try again

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I rlly hope I dont wake up

silver karma
spark brook
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Yeah, you and me both

split veldt
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I have the urge to do something bad

split veldt
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Might do it

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sry

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ig I'll try not to

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no promises

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gnight

silver karma
split veldt
split veldt
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Mhm

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"The House on Hollow Lane"

I walked a road where shadows cling,
A narrow path where blackbirds sing.
The air was cold, the sky was gray,
And every step led me astray.

I found a house with broken glass,
Its doors were chained, yet I could pass.
The garden choked with weeds and thorns,
The walls were cracked, the curtains worn.

Inside, the silence screamed so loud,
The dust hung thick, a heavy shroud.
A mirror leaned against the stair,
But when I lookedā€”no one was there.

The floorboards groaned beneath my feet,
Like whispers hiding dark deceit.
I heard a childā€™s soft lullaby,
It rose, then broke into a cry.

I followed voices down the hall,
Through peeling paint, through shadows tall.
A bedroom door stood open wide,
And something cold breathed at my side.

Upon the bed, a figure lay,
Their hands were clasped, their skin was gray.
A diary sat beside the frame,
And every page spelled out my name.

The words described the steps I took,
The turns, the whispers, how I looked.
And as I read, the lines grew near,
Until the final phrase was clear:

"You think you walk these halls alone,
But this dead house was once your home.
The body on the bed you see,
Is nothing more than memoryā€¦"

I turned to run, the door was sealed,
The truth was sharp, the air congealed.
The mirror cracked, it showed at lastā€”
The lifeless faceā€¦ my own, long past.

south shoal
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Omggg I only found out now that you write poems too

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We should totally collab on one

split veldt
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Sure

split veldt
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I js got called loud again

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:/

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I was js having fun

split veldt
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Fuck I'm scared

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My cousin went

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While I was asleep

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All he did was text "I'ma go drin coffee"

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And he's no where to be seen

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Since midday

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It's 4:30

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Fuck

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He left the door open

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But my brother said

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That if my cousin leaves ever again

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With my keys

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My brother is going to take away my keys.

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School starts on Monday

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I need the keys

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Fuck

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And I'm so sure he went to my brother's work

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Which makes it all worse

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He's not responding

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Oh god I'm scared

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I'm going to be so in trouble when my brother gets pome

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Home

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Mom says it's not my fault but

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My brother won't reason w that

split veldt
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He went to my brother's work.

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I'm fucked

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I hope my bf is well :/

silver karma
split veldt
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He's home.

split veldt
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I dont think I'm in trouble!

south shoal
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That's good

silver karma
split veldt
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I didn't get in trouble

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I do have to hide my keys from now on tho.

split veldt
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Idea

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Pookie

split veldt
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I had the wildest dream

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I went to school

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And none of my classmates were around

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A girl from a grade lower walked w me

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And then I saw our fav teacher

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Hes definitely been crying

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And then

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I find out that many of my classmates are dead

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And SUPPOSINGLY

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So was his daughter

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All I remember is we all were crying

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And I remember blaming myself

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Ion know tho

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Weird dream

split veldt
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Oh.

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I just found out the whole school at my old place is talking shit about me..

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Even the one girl I thought was nice

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Like

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Damn

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And they even tried to convince my friend to block me

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I thought two of them were my friends..

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But turns out they're comparing which one hates me more

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What did I ever do to them...

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They made fun of the way I used to dress

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And everything about me..

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One of them said she wants to block me

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"I'm probably gonna block her like you guys, I don't even like her"

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I don't get

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What did I even do..

split veldt
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She's the one who told me about everything

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And she's going to ask them about more stuff and tell me

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It really damn hurts

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I thought they had at least some humanity left

split veldt
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Well

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This friend had a cousin

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Both talked shit about me then blocked me

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Now the cousin suddenly sent me a friend req..

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And now I found out why.

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My friend told me they did this to her

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And I'm 100% they wanted to do the same to me

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They would have probably added me to a gc

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And they'd all attack me

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All at once

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Fuck I hate ts

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What did I even do?

split veldt
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"they're fake too, they talk about you with the others. They gather as a group, they're friends with lori desi with elen anen and melin and they talk shit about you. Ela says she removes you and ana says she did too, then Desi said shes going to remove you too because you're annoying her. Loreta says she doesn't like you because you dress weird etc. then I (nila the girl who told me ab everything) told them that they shouldn't look at what you wear because no matter what at least you're smarter and 100times prettier "

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"they asked me If I still talk to you and I said yes then they told me to not talk to you anymore so I told them to mind their own business I know what to do myself "

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Translation

spark brook
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Jesus people are so awful

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Out of curiosity what language is that?

low tartan
split veldt
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Mhm

split veldt
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Mann

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I had such a nice day at school

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But now my mom is constantly on my back

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Just because I took a nap after school

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Yes I did sleep 4hs

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But what does that have to do with my phone

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šŸ˜­

unkempt ravine
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bless

split veldt
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Man

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I feel stressed

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My family just told me how much they'd love it if I got first in a contest thats in my country

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And I'm very sure the teacher wants me there

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It's not that I don't want to

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It's just idk if I'm good enough

split veldt
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Heart feels heavy

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I'ma sleep

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Night.

split veldt
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Plan failed

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It's almost 3am.

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Fuck man

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I'm tired yet I can't sleep

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I'm genuinely so damn tired

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Why tf can't I just chill and sleep

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What is wrong with me

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I've slept like

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6hs for the past two days

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2hs on Monday and 4hs yesterday

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My head hurts

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My heart hurts

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Everything hurts

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I want to sleep I really do

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Like badly

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Oh fuck

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I just started feeling sleepy

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And now water is dripping drop by drop outside

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On a metal peace

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I need sleep

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I really need sleep

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I wish I could sleep like a normal fucking being

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What is wrong with me

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I hate this

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I don't want to be awake

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Fml

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I could have gotten 2hs of sleep

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Since I started trying

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But of course not

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Why sleep when you can just drown in stupid thoughts and scenarios that'll never happen/s

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I hate myself

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I wish I was normal

split veldt
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I'm genuinely about to cry from pain

split veldt
split veldt
split veldt
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It passes tho

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Just from time to time

split veldt
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And i am very sorry you have to go through that

split veldt
split veldt
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Omfg

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Omfg

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My dad's boss called to meet up

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And now instead of talking w my dad

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He's trying to manipulate me into convincing my dad to keep working for him

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Although he's underpaying him

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I swear to fuck I won't hold myself back if he keeps acting like this

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Lazy ass fucker trying to give me life lessons

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I'm turning all his arguments in my favor

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"oh wow you're intelligent" as if I'll fall for your bad manipulation skilss

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Skills

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Pmo

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I lwk wanna throw my glass at him

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Dumb ass mf

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He thinks hes all that

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The least my dad should be getting payed considering that he works 24/7 5days of the week then 7days of the week

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Is 1k+

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And this lazy ass bum is saying it's wrong to raise his oay

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Pay

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I'm really pissed

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Like really

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Um trying to hold back but

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AHHHHH

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The stupidity of this guy

spark brook
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Trying to manipulate a child is terrible yet so easy to do

split veldt
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We left because he said offensive shit

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Then he called again apologizing

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Dumb fuck

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My respect for him is absolutely gone

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I genuinely used to think he's a nice misunderstood guy

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But fuck no

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Fuck off

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Fuck him

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Trying to manipulate me

spark brook
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You think you know people, only for them to pull stupid crap later

split veldt
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Exactly

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Man

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Lwk dumb asf

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Like why tf would he involve me

spark brook
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Just as a move

split veldt
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No matter how "intelligent" (he said that to make me on his side) I look I shouldn't be involved

spark brook
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Cause he thought it would work

split veldt
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I'm still considered a kid

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His manipulation is literally childish asf

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I'm literally in front of him rn

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He smiles like an idiot

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Fake smile

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Pmo

spark brook
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I donā€™t particularly like writing off kids. I considered myself to be an adult well before I was 18 to the point where the day came and it felt like nothing

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Experience matters, and you have no idea what people have been through even when theyā€™re young. Hell I wish I wasnā€™t robbed of my childhood but we donā€™t really get much of a say in that

split veldt
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Mhm

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Omf

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There he goes again

split veldt
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I'm homee

split veldt
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Food is starting to taste bad again

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I don't get why

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I just

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Hate the texture

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The taste

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And ew the smell

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I wonder if I'll ever get forgiveness

spark brook
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Forgiveness?

split veldt
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Mhm

spark brook
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For what exactly

split veldt
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Just

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Me

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Why is Kaz lwk the only friend I have left..

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Huh

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What did I do wrong

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I used to have so many people I'd talk to

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;/

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I'm glad I have her tho

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And boden ofc but he's not js a friend so

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A lot of people are struggling around me

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I feel selfish for feeling like this

spark brook
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Most of my relationships deteriorated over the past year until eventually the one I came to value over all others crumbled to nothing in no time at all

rare ibex
spark brook
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While I now recognize that much of this isnā€™t my fault, it doesnā€™t make me feel any better

rare ibex
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:(

rare ibex
spark brook
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You want people to forgive you, but theyā€™ll say anything to make you feel better (wether they mean it or not is a different issue). Iā€™m inclined to think itā€™s more about forgiving yourself. For what I canā€™t exactly say, maybe just itā€™s okay to be you or something

split veldt
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I just got ditched

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YATT

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YAYY

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Sarcasm

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Me and some friends were supposed to go somewhere

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And she was getting the bike from behind the school while the others waited in front

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So I went to buy something on the side and they said they'll wait

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Cheers cheers they disappeared

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Then I saw the head nun of the dorm I used to be in

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She called me an elephant in front of half my class and the principal šŸ˜­

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I get it's her joke but c'mon

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Then I thought maybe they js didn't wait and went in the place to wait

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Wrong

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They weren't there either

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Im not going to lie

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I cried

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Like a lot in my way home

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Now I just feel dumb

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It's probably a misunderstanding and I'm overreacting

rare ibex
split veldt
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Every Star Burns

Every star burns, even gentle and slow,
Even the ones no one bothers to know.
Up in the sky they look quiet and still,
But all of them shimmer because of their will.

I learned this young ā€” with a heart too aware,
Carrying weight that no child should bear.
Smiling in rooms where I couldnā€™t feel light,
Holding my breath just to stay polite.

I glow because pain taught me how to ignite,
Because I was darkness before I was bright.
People saw laughter ā€” they didnā€™t see scars,
They didnā€™t see storms behind quiet stars.

They call me ā€œstrongā€ like itā€™s something I chose,
But strength is the garden that sorrow just grows.
I water it daily in silence and wait,
For someone to notice the tears in its gate.

My voice has been shaking for so many years,
But I sing through the trembling, I sing past my fears.
I dream in the ashes of things I outgrew,
And hope I can shine just a little for you.

But God, I get tired of carrying flame,
Of burning so bright with no one to name.
This heat in my chest that refuses to die ā€”
A star has to shine even when it will cry.

Every star burns ā€” we are made of that fire,
Of heartbreak, of prayers, of endless desire.
Of trying again though the world never learns
That even the brightest of stars
also burns.

unkempt ravine
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she's back

split veldt
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Mhm

rare ibex
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i wanna be like u when i grow up

silk finch
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EMI IS BACK??

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I MISSED YOU

split veldt
potent aurora
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I'm gna miss her poems