#Boden’s Main Journal

6111 messages · Page 7 of 7 (latest)

cobalt drum
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but i am not tryna get in trouble bro

bright yarrow
cobalt drum
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well shit idk if he does know my name

bright yarrow
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lowkey just jumped off a cliff so i dont lose cash from someone killing me in a video game lmao, rather die fromself than someone lse

cobalt drum
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lmao

cobalt drum
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damn now i just got that anxiety feeling abt it

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but i should be fine

cobalt drum
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istg that kid is gonna tell his mom or some shit

raven bison
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I don't think you'd get in trouble if he told someone. I'm pretty sure he'd be the one that gets in trouble

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I think something is grammatically wrong in what I just said..

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Middle schoolers ☕

cobalt drum
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yea

cobalt drum
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love will always survive, even in a world filled with violence and technology

cobalt drum
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i found out something i dont think i was supposed to

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now i feel like throwing up

cobalt drum
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god my heart hurts tonight

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just the weight of evrything

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ah jeez…

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just learned some shit and now i dont feel very good

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i feel very lost and feel like i cant talk to anyone about anything now

thorny dagger
cobalt drum
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its just

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im so lost

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but i also want to be a sampler GOD

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yeezus on da cd

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i dont want to be a burden

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maybe

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maybe one day ppl wont have to worry about that anymore.

wet basalt
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Oh heebus jeebus Boden. Everyone will worry. We all care for you and you arent a burden ❤

cobalt drum
wet basalt
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To me you aren't a burden. You're my best friend or what I'd consider a brother.

cobalt drum
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idk man

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i feel like i only make people angry, annoy them, or make them sad in some way.

wet basalt
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Well, you don't. No one is angry, annoyed or sad at you.

cobalt drum
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i heard otherwise

cobalt drum
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forever a great movie

thorny dagger
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fr bladerunner such a vibe

cobalt drum
cobalt drum
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hope i can get a response for my job application soon

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i need to start making money again…

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especially for my mom

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my mom is like…

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hard times for her, her business isn’t bringing in hardly any revenue

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and because of a certain someone in the government rn my mom cant get food stamps

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just seeing her knowing that she has been crying because she doesnt know how she is going to provide for her kids

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but uhm

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what i was gonna say is something bad

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so idk if i should say it

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but i need money

cobalt drum
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worst case scenario i end up having to start hustling for a little bit

cobalt drum
cobalt drum
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we are listening to frank ocean blonde the way it was meant to be listened to.

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the emotions i feel are very mixed

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i feel oddly happy now

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because im listening to pink and white probably

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this album is such an emotional roller coaster

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now im feelinh lonely

cobalt drum
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cigarettes after what?

cobalt drum
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geekers beamin up to scotty in my crack lobby i can smell the ‘caine burnin 🗣️🗣️🗣️🔥🔥🔥

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i built this shit

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brick by brick

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now im wearing ed hardy

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like bro

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still piss poor

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but we are making progress

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i think i might have to start hustling again bro.

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thats a scary ass thought.

cobalt drum
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dude its crazy

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i hadnt taken any nic for almost a year

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but last weekend i had two zyns

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and i fucking started tweaking dawg

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like

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i was a total lightweight

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that shit made me nauseous

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i used to smoke cigarettes and vape often and nic had zero effect on me

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and then i quit

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but then two zyns make me nauseous and super buzzed

cobalt drum
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i live 2 hours away from Minneapolis and have debated going up and joining the protests. the usa is a 3rd world country now. i am betting to see burning buildings across major cities within weeks. Fuck Tu*mp, Fuck ICE.

cobalt drum
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i might end up headed up to Minneapolis when i can just to join the protests

cobalt drum
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idk i feel like a lot of friends i have here just dont really like me

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i kinda feel like i just exist now

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like

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meh

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background character ngl

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like if something happened maybe 2 or 3 people would really care/know

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maybe im wrong

cobalt drum
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today i started something in my english class, its kinda like a club but its called “forensics” not like dead bodies but like english and writing. im putting together music lyrics and parts of books into a google doc and my theme is lonliness.

cobalt drum
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im so doped up a fent addict would be jealous

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just my meds dw im not on any illegal substances

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but im on like 20mg lexapro daily

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(average ADULT is usually 10-15mgs MAX)

cobalt drum
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gotta hate that “i need an older sibling feeling” and then realize that IM the older sibling

cobalt drum
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i am labeled and stereotyped as an evil person and dangerous simply because i am a man.

cobalt drum
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i think ill be gone. im really sorry guys. ive fought very hard but i think im done with discord. i may return now and then but i cant do it anymore

bright yarrow
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you like the older brother i wish i had

cobalt drum
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i came back for a moment just to see how everyone was!

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it is nice to see you guys doing well

cobalt drum
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i have seen most of my online friends, they may not see this for a while but maybe it will make their days better!!! i love you all guys, maybe one day i will be back for good, but i still need to figure out how to fix myself or at least heal, im so mentally unwell i think discord is still a very bad idea. i only came back for a few minutes to leave some nice messages for my friends and make sure they are okay. logan, john, ramen. not sure how you guys feel about me still but i hope you all are amazing. once again im gone guys.

take care!!!
i will try to do the same for myself!

-Boden

wet basalt
errant hearth