#Logan's Journal

5296 messages · Page 6 of 6 (latest)

twin lake
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Even if I had the capability to

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I never would

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This man is my everything

twin lake
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Missed my boyfriend today

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He's been asleep most of the day because he's trying to fix his sleep schedule

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Only got to talk to him for like 20 minutes

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But I'll be able to talk to him more TMR at least

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In other news if we make it past 5 years together I have a ring picked out. I wanna propose a year or two after we move in together

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I'm saving for it

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Think that's all

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Goodnight

twin lake
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Feel like I've been an asshole today. Today wasn't good so I had a short temper. I haven't talked much to Jay and I've felt trapped in my life. I hope I didn't make anyone genuinely upset. I need to be better at regulating my emotions but it's so difficult for me.

And something separate from that but I got my autism diagnosis not too long ago. Never mentioned it cus I genuinely forgot but yea
AuDHD is confirmed

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I wasn't exactly surprised by it

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Neither were my parents lmfao

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The only thing it really changes is now I can poke fun at myself for "autistic tendencies"

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Idk maybe it'll be funny. I did it today but I guess people may have not liked it

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Idk.

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Today's been all over the place

twin lake
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The only thing I was able to fit in before I was fully taken off my mom's health insurance as expected

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Just kinda gotta hope things go well

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I wish I was able to get checked for BPD

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Not even for like medication or anything but like I just wanna know if that's what's fucking me up

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I'm kinda rambling

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Idk what to say tbh
I'm a mess

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Just kinda talking about anything that pops into my head that was mentioned today

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My life feels like it doesn't make sense

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Feels unreal at times

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Then others lives make no sense to me either

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It's crazy that there's people RN who don't even know that people like me struggle

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Or even people who don't believe mental health exists

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I also fell today

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Scratched my arms up a little bit

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Made me wanna self harm but I didn't

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The scratching pain felt genuinely good

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I know that makes me sound either fucked up or like a total lier but it's the truth

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I'm not gonna sled harm though

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I'll spiral worse than I am rn

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And I don't wanna disappoint people

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Wtaf am I even talking about rn

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Idk tbh

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There's a lot in my head ig

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I'm just laying in bed
In the dark
Staring at my phone
Wishing I was next to my boyfriend
Endlessly thinking

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At 2:30 in the morning

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Idk what to think

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There's so much I'm thinking about

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Half of it can't be said here

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And I understand that

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I wish I could say it but i won't.

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Without getting deep into it
Politics suck
And people don't have enough empathy

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I miss when I was younger and thought the future looked bright and like I'd be happy

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I'm only 18 and I already feel like my life could just be over before it even started

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At any moment it could end

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I'm not scared of dying

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I'm scared of dying without happiness

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I wanna live my life all the way

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Till I'm 80 or 90

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And I wanna be able to enjoy it

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Who knows if I'll be able to

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Some days I wish I was someone else

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Some days I wish I wasn't born

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Some days I just wish I grew up slightly differently

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And it's weird because deep down I know I'm a good person

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Because I wanna help people

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I wanna make people laugh

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And smile

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And help them through dark times

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Be people's rock

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But I also feel fake because part of me does it because I'm scared of being forgotten

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I'm scared of having no purpose

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I'm scared of people hating me

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Maybe that reasonable

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Idk

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Maybe I'm just selfish for wanting that

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I'm not gonna have any kids so I might just be forgotten

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People probably won't tell stories about me being a good person to their kids

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To their friends

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I'll just be a background character in someone else's story

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Maybe a character who shows up in one or two episodes per season

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But I fear I'm not good enough to be part of the bigger story

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Who knows
Maybe Jay might leave me and forget about me

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Move on

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Idk

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Fuck I've been rambling for like thirty minutes I think

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This doesn't have any kind of coherent thought to it

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But i guess that's kind of how my head feels rn

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Just faster ig

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I hope people here like me

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I hope I'm not hated

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I talk a lot about being the "gay furry everyone thinks about in this server"

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But I just hope someone actually smiles when they see me talking

twin lake
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I should probably go to bed

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Nearly 3 in the morning

potent badge
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Genuinely

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You’re one of my best friends here and a big reason why I stay in the server at all

marble drift
twin lake
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I hate my body

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I feel so depressed and disgusting

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I don't wanna eat

marble drift
sullen swift
# twin lake But I just hope someone actually smiles when they see me talking

I do Logan, all the time. every time you talk, it genuinely makes me so much happier to see you. you're part of the reason why I stayed on huddle. you're a really sweet and caring guy, and you brighten people's mood every day. don't let your head tell you otherwise, because in reality you are such a kind and likable person. I know it can be hard sometimes, but it's the good days that make it all worth it. keep being awesome and love yourself mate huddleheartshape birdhughearts

twin lake
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Nvidia's new DLSS5 is an insult to the art of game development

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A fucking insult and a spit in the face of the devs who worked so hard to make that game look and feel the way it does

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The DLSS series has always been looked at fondly due to keeping framerate high while keeping the graphics quality high. So what did they do for DLSS5? Slap a fucking Generative AI filter on that completely changes the look of the game from what the devs made

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A fucking AI filter

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Like bro
You stop making GPUs and then turn around and make a new DLSS but it just puts a fucking AI filter on the game?

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Like shut the fuck up

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It's a fucking insult to the art of game development and design

twin lake
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I hate when I promise my boyfriend something and it takes a long time to get it
Even though he says it's ok I feel so bad :(

twin lake
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I really do love my boyfriend more than anything

twin lake
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I can't believe people really gaf that Chuck Norris died

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He was a homophobic, racist, conspiracy theorist. I really didn't care

marble drift
twin lake
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This whole week has basically been nothing but overthinking and loneliness and I hate it. Just wanna go back to bed

twin lake
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I'd rather listen to you fall apart at 3am than wake up knowing you didn't think anyone cared enough to listen

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Every night

twin lake
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I get lonely
And when I get lonely I get resentful and bitter
And I hate it

twin lake
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Some days idek why I feel the way I do

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I'm either feeling great
Or horrible

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Basically no in-between

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At least right now I feel good

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Happy

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Idk how long it'll last

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But at least I'm happy for now

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I love you Jay

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I promise I'll always love you

twin lake
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Sinners is genuinely a modern day masterpiece of a movie

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But a lot of people won't ever get the messages it sends and it's sad

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The way it shows music as something that we bring from our cultures and how it connects people of all color and background

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How it's powerful enough to pierce the Vail of life and death

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To the future and the past

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Being set in the 1920-30s showing up the segregation and separation of people.

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How music connects us

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But then we get introduced to the vampires

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And they aren't just evil which is amazing

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The vampires offer this temptation of no longer being separated

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Because the head vampire Remick was part of the colonization of Ireland. He's already seen first hand what it's like to be seen as lesser humans

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Even got offended when they originally thought he was part of the KKK

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So he used that experience to show them that becoming a vampire is a form of unity

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No more skin color

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Or difference

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Just together forever

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But then there's a message behind that.

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Losing your culture

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Losing what makes you part of your own people

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And showing this message of how religion was forced on people but music was taken from home and we kept that.

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How music unites us

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It takes what a lot of people see as a cheesy vampire flick and turns it into an extremely deep message about culture, music, race and the forcing of religion onto people.

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It's the best movie of the decade so far in my honest opinion

twin lake
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I hate how jealous I am

twin lake
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I hope you see this Ty
Just wanted to say I'll miss you while you're gone. And if you ever need someone to talk to I'm always available

marble drift
twin lake
marble drift
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Anyways, I need to focus on healing my ear right now but I shall be back

twin lake
twin lake
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Missing my friends tbh :(

marble drift
twin lake
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"when I get home, I'm all yours"
"I'm gonna hang out with my friends for an hour"
"I'm gonna spend all day with you tomorrow"
"I'll call you at 10"

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And they're all just fucking lies

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You got home and talked to me for at fucking most thirty minutes then went to hang out with your friends and forget I exist

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You said an hour, FOUR fucking hours ago

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You said 10 and didn't call till fucking 1 in morning

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You said all day with me today

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AND THEN LEFT AFTER A FUCKING HOUR

twin lake
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I swear to fucking God I'm gonna lose my fucking mind.

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Atp idec that I sound controlling
HE FUCKING LIED TO ME FOUR DIFFERENT FUCKING TIMES

twin lake
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Ive calmed down

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Just

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sigh

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I love him.
I brought it up to him. Way more calmly than I did here

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We talked about it

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Just. Fuck. I'm so emotional

twin lake
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Boyfriend isn't doing good :(

twin lake
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I wish there was something I could do

twin lake
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I just hope my relationship survives

marble drift
twin lake
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I'm scared as hell

marble drift
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I'm here if you want to talk. I'm sorry you feel that way I hope it gets better and that you can get the rest you need huddlehug2

twin lake
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Thank you Tyler chu_hug

marble drift
twin lake
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We'll be ok

limber oriole
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Always here for you brother through thick and thin, love ya bro

twin lake
twin lake
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I'll always give myself the fact I love my singing voice

twin lake
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It's insane to me how last week I thought my relationship was fucked
And now me and my boyfriend feel like we're in the best spot we've been in ever

twin lake
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Me and my boyfriend have genuinely been great and that makes me so happy

twin lake
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I finally got to play one of my favorite games with my boyfriend and he REALLY ENJOYED IT
WE'RE GONNA PLAY MORE
YAY

twin lake
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Best night ever

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I can't believe it

twin lake
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I love Sleep Token

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Best band oat imo

twin lake
sullen swift
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just ignore the massive, inconveniently placed farm, and the unplayable lag 😂

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very cool build tho i love it!

twin lake
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😭😭

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I plan to actually move the community farm to that open ocean by the sugar cane

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Make it look all pretty

sullen swift
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oooooo i'll help if you do!

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yoss

twin lake
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This house has taken 8 hours of my life 😭

twin lake
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I love this SMP

twin lake
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It genuinely makes me feel happy knowing that the amount of people who hate queer people is just a loud vocal minority. If you actually look there's more people who support and want to help than people who don't

twin lake
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There's no where I'd rather be then in your arms

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My life has been better since I met you

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My life feels whole

midnight rose
twin lake
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"Keep on getting stronger, keep on getting wiser
Don't give into the voices or succumb to your fear"

twin lake
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Yk
Getting a career in lawn care and landscaping while being asthmatic and having a possible heart condition maybe isn't the best choice but fuck it
I'm not even done today and I made 200 bucks

kindred marten
sullen swift
twin lake
sullen swift
twin lake
twin lake
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Love is love
Trans men are men
Trans women are women
Everyone is equal regardless of skin color, where they're from, who they love and what they are.
Hate should be reserved for the truly evil. Murderers, rapists and predators

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We should love all who do right by other humans

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People are people

twin lake
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Highkey been considering singing in VC for a while now

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I want to really bad lmfao

sullen swift
twin lake
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Im terrified for my boyfriend

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He's hurting

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And he's been deafened for who knows how long

twin lake
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Kitty

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She's like 2 months old

twin lake
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I've had a really really bad day

marble drift
twin lake
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Welp
My push mower is broken
The carburetor isn't holding gas and so it won't start
Cost too much to fix so now I gotta buy a new one 💔

twin lake
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Guess he just forgot I exist

twin lake
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Finally getting a haircut

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Need this haircut so bad
My beard needs trimmed
My hair needs to be way shorter

twin lake
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Destiny 2s final update will be on June 9th

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I'm heartbroken

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This game is the most impactful game I've ever played

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It had a true impact on my life

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My favorite game of all time

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I can feel my heart shattering

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The friends and time I spent on this game...

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4k hours

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Years of my life

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And it's ending....

twin lake
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The game that changed my life is ending man

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I cried so hard

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A lot of people will never understand what I mean

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That game fundamentally changed who I am

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It made me a better person

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I made so many connections to people through that game

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It made me kinder
Taught me how to teach others

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I learned patience

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I learned how good things come even when bad happens

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I learned so much

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I became who I am now because of that game

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I spent thousands of hours

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I love this game..

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I have such a strong connection to this game
The story
The developers
The characters

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Fuck I'm tearing up again

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This game means so much to me

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This has been a massive part of my life for four years

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And it's about to end

twin lake
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This game means everything to me

twin lake
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Im getting Per audacia ad astra

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Tattooed

twin lake
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Per audacia ad Astra means
To the stars through boldness

twin lake
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Devotion inspires bravery
Bravery inspires sacrifice
Sacrifice leads to death
But death leads to rebirth
And so the cycle continues

twin lake
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The fact that basic media literacy is so uncommon nowadays is insane to me

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Like what the fuck do you mean you love the X-Men but are homophobic?
The entire point of the X-Men is that they're a stand in for communities who are discriminated against and persecuted for being who they are which is something they can't change.

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Being a fan of Star Wars and being someone who defends what's going on rn.

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Like dude. YOU'RE THE EMPIRE

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Idk if that's allowed do I'll delete itn

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It's just ridiculous to me

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Basic media literacy is dead in modern day society.

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They take everything at face value

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"for example if you [example] that would be bad", "but I don't do that"
Like THATS WHY I SAID FOR EXAMPLE

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You can't use hyperbole
You can't use examples
You can't make basic arguments
They take everything at face value and believe it's a personal attack

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It's just so infuriating

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The ability to understand the point of things and what the authors mean is lost on people

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It's another reason why I hate people who see Sinners as "revenge porn against white people"

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Like dude
Did we watch the same fuckin movie

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The movie about preserving your culture and being proud of who you are
The movie about the temptation of joining a group to feel accepted but doing so means losing your culture and history and who you are.

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The movie about carving your own lane in life out and doing what makes you happy

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The movie about community and love

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And how you shouldn't lose who you are to appeal to others.

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Yea that's "revenge porn against white people"

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And I say this AS A WHITE GUY

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Like dude

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Just stop consuming movies and shows and media in general if you don't have basic media literacy

twin lake
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My emotions are going through so many different changes recently
My favorite game of all time is ending but the final update looks amazing
X-Men 97 is getting a second season on July 1st
Spider-Man Noir
Lanterns
We've had Invincible and The Boys
Daredevil Born Again and the Punisher special.
We're getting Avengers Doomsday and Spider-Man Brand New Day this year
The Mandalorian and Grogu I'm gonna see
Fuck there's so much in just shows and movies. Idek how to talk about stuff going on in my life

twin lake
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Im almost 4 years deep with my boyfriend
August 12th

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I'm close to half a decade with him

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God I feel old

twin lake
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Happy Pride my fellow queer friends