I fucking swear she’s already made today so much worse
#Joe’s Abandoned Mind
rugged jewel
I’m glad I’m going to work
Because then I won’t have to be here
Because fuck her
Now I’m having a lot of anxiety
And I’m getting really suicidal
I like genuinely need something to calm me down
I don’t know how to calm down right now
I’m just gonna lay down
rugged jewel
I’m at work
I feel so much better here
I swear work is my only safe place tbh
(Mentally)
(Well actually, sort of physically too)
I honestly love having a job
I get to get away from home
I told myself I’d stop drinking energy drinks
But then I was like, wait, why tf should I care about my health?😭 I’m suicidal anyways.
Honestly being so suicidal has helped my stress
It just makes me in the mindset of “who gives a fuck?”
rugged jewel
Nooooo
I should’ve copied it and put it in my notes-_-
Fuckkkkk
Now I have to remember it
Maybe I’ll be able to idk
Probably remember most of it
Okay
Got the first one
Now the remix
rugged jewel
Okay
Got both of them
Just got side tracked on talking and stufffff
🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆
Ducks
rugged jewel
Emma
Is going to kill herself tomorrow
And honestly
I don’t think I should stop her
Because she’s going through so much like severe pain
And she’s only suffering from her diseases
She’s like a dog with a disease that kills it slowly and it only gets worse and so when that happen they put the dog down
And is she not the dog in that scenario?
She has a disease that’s slowly killing her and it’s only getting worse. The pain is only getting worse
She’s suffering
Not only that
But she most likely has PTSD
She’s told me some things she’s been through
And she’s only told me the slightest bit of it
And even that was horrible
rugged jewel
New haircut. Idk if I like it. Maybe
rugged jewel
Dumbass friend wanted to start an argument. I cussed him out and said some shit he deserved to hear and I’m not even done😭. If bro wants to say more then I’ll give him the rest of shit I have to say.
I hate how much I stutter in arguments😭.
I’m not trying to be like some masculine guy or some sort of like guy who seems like the hood type
I’m nowhere near those
Well maybe masculine, idk
I have some feminine traits and I love them
But I just like to argue
And I love to say some fucked up shit when people wanna talk shit
Especially him
Just went ahead and insulted stuff that he’s insecure about
Because fuck him
He’s a shitty friend
And I only stay with my male friends because I either am too nice to say anything about it all or because I don’t feel like finding new friends
Wouldn’t be too hard tbh
They’re shitty friends
How much worse could I find?
They’re one of my main reasons for my depression
They make it worse
But at the same time they make it better
It’s like a drug
They’re a short term solution for a long term problem and it only makes the long term worse
But I mean what else can I do other than leave them?
It feels like I have a lot of friends like them
I tried to leave them once and I had a breakdown for two days straight
And my friend said “we’ll try our best to be better friends” and guess what? He still does the same shit
But when he asked me to stop doing something I immediately stopped
I messed up once, but I stopped myself before I finished the sentence
But he doesn’t even try
And like
I’m in a lot of situations like that
Where I have a shitty friend, but I still stay
And help them the best I can and just be the best friend that I can be for them
But they do nothing but use me and treat me like a therapist
I’ve done this for years
It’s honestly a horrible life
And I’m genuinely a really nice guy
But my irl friends make me feel like I’m a shitty person
And at this point it’s like I have two different perspectives or like reactions to thinking about it all
It’s either “I hate my life”
Or “fuck them”
Which is sort of my main two ways of reacting to anything
rugged jewel
Emma could be dead
But tbh I’m not sure
I’m not good with grief so idk
I’m not like sad or stressed right now
But in a day or two I’ll be having breakdowns
But tbh I’m not sure
I’m just not good with feeling tbh
rugged jewel
I got into an argument with my dumbass mom
I probably need to text my dad about it so he doesn’t yell at me and shit just making things worse
I swear they both have serious anger issues
And it’s mixed with ignorance
So that makes it so shitty
And not only that, but they’re so damn stubborn
And I want to text my dad, but like actually talking to them in a serious way is so uncomfortable for me
I’m not used to it
I’m used to them just yelling
And me calmly talking back
Or even sometimes yelling
I texted my dad
And I genuinely hate it
Like
I’m not used to saying this stuff and it makes me feel so stressed
He started to try an argument and I’m just sort of agreeing with everything he’s saying
It’s not like I can convince them anything
rugged jewel
She should be dead by the end of today
rugged jewel
Emma’s dead
rugged jewel
rugged jewel
I honestly can’t believe that she’s gone. Like just the thought that I can’t text her anymore and that I’ll never be able to just talk to her again. I just don’t know how to cope with this. Like I’ll never see her again. I’ll never hear her voice or anything. I won’t be able to sit there and comfort her when she’s not doing okay. And I just don’t know if I can handle that.
rugged jewel
I can’t handle this
She’s just gone
I can’t do this
Last words I said to her
She wasn’t able to type well atm
I can’t even distract myself because if I do successfully distract myself then I start to be hard on myself and think that I’m a bad person for distracting myself. I feel like I should just be doing absolutely horrible right now and it makes me hate myself that I’m not. I am doing pretty bad tbh. I mean I feel like I have no purpose. I’m really suicidal and everything is just meaningless now. But it feels like to me that if I’m not suffering then I’m not doing bad and so since I’m not like literally suffering from feeling so horrible from losing her then I feel like I’m a bad person.
rugged jewel
I honestly don’t think I can live much longer without her
I’m already crying
I just woke up
rugged jewel
TW: ||Suicide||
||I looked it up and there’s actually a painless way to commit suicide. Which is apparently through helium. And it honestly just makes me wish I had helium. There’s gotta be some way to get it without my mom questioning it. I could just tell her that idk, I just wanted it for fun or something, idk. I was originally planning to either hang myself or overdose. Or just wait until I’m old enough to buy a gun. But the first two are the only two I’d be able to do now, but they’re not very guaranteed and they’re also not painless. If I did the overdose I’d probably eat and many pills as possible to make sure because I’m not trying to survive it. And then also the hanging myself is something that is probably pretty painful and also a little too much effort to do. My other plan was to just drink and eat as many chemicals as we have in the kitchen and laundry room until I can’t, but chemicals are not really efficient at all and will be hell before death, if I die. Other than that I could also find my parent’s guns and just do it while they’re gone. Which honestly, why did I not think of that sooner? That actually might be my new plan. I mean I’ll be alone almost when they pick me up from work and go to pick up my sister. I could also literally just walk into their room while they’re not inside and take it. It’s just that I wanted to do it by the river at our house so they wouldn’t just find my body in the house or anything. I’m not trying to traumatize my siblings. I wanted my body to float down the river. That’d honestly be funny. Just to see a body with most likely no head floating down the river. I could also just drown myself. I wouldn’t mind the pain from that. But I’d have to like tie myself up in some sort of way to make sure I don’t try to swim up. Then also my other plan was to just jump off of the school building, but we don’t have school for another month and a half. So idk. I think my main plan right now is overdose tbh That’s like my go-to plan||
||but other than that I would probably shoot myself||
||I wanted to kill my parents if I ever killed myself, but tbh that’s too much work and could fail and I don’t feel like failing any of this||
||I just can’t take this for too much longer. I’ve started to do research on ways to kill myself. I can’t do this. Emma’s gone. She was my only reason for a lot of things. Wtf do I do? I can’t live without her.||
Maybe I could just stab myself in the throat.
rugged jewel
Pull back the curtain there’s no ray of light. I’m lost in my current state of mind. I can’t write anymore. My mind fell out and walked out the door. My tears fall to the floor when I think of your voice. Makes me want to re-do every choice. You’re gone and now I’m crying all night till dawn. You were something that made me feel like I had a purpose. I was something that was probably a burden. I can say for certain that there’s blood on my shirt and the cuts through my skin have never looked so satisfying. It’s satisfying that I’m dying. Tying the rope. All my ways to cope can’t get over this slope. My heart froze and now suicides all I chose. You meant the most, but that doors closed and I don’t know where to go. It’s not even winter, but in my mind I’m lost in the snow. I wish there was somewhere where the grass grows, but I’ve looked everywhere and not a blade of green ever shows. You fell out of my life like the tears that fall off my nose. I want you back, but I know that that’ll never happen. You have no idea how bad it’s been since you left. I know suicides the only right way to end this, but everyone tells me to look to the left. And by everyone I mean the voices in my head, they’re the only ones who are left. I tried my best, but this chapter has no next page. All my happiness has just faded. I still fantasize about a life where you made it.
rugged jewel
I seriously can’t do this
rugged jewel
I don’t have anyone that I’m like comfortable talking to
rugged jewel
I’m gonna send some of Emma’s drawings
She’s amazing at them
But she didn’t like them because so many people criticized them
rugged jewel
I seriously can’t do this
rugged jewel
I accidentally said A BAR while talking to my friends today, I was playing COD zombies and I said “you’re all gonna die. There’s no chance you’ll survive, so just end your life”
And I was like “damn”😭
Idk why, but this thing I wrote a while ago just like idk it’s my favorite and yeahhh
This
“Blood
Gives me adrenaline
Pain fixes the mental pain
All the
(Blood)
That’s drained in my kitchen sink
(Blood)
Fixes the way that I think
(Blood)
The shit that keeps me happy
(Blood)
The stains in my shirt
(Blood)
The pain that fixes all the hurt
(Blood)
I don’t need a nurse, I just need
Blood”
rugged jewel
rugged jewel
Once I’m dead all the shit you said that’s still stuck in my head will be fed to the maggots. I’m off the meds and now my brains dead. I can’t live with myself, so I take drugs to forget myself. Lead to my head is the reason I’m dead. You caused all my problems and made that bed, but I’m the one who has to lay in it. I’m just saying it doesn’t make any sense, it doesn’t even make a dollar the way that I scream and holler for help, but why would they bother? I’m just a lamb to the slaughter.
rugged jewel
I wanted to write something funny and I just sort of came up with this😭
Cheddar cheese makes my brain wheeze. I sneeze and the stains in my brain freeze. I smoke 420 pounds of weed and my cranium’s hotboxed.
pure zephyr
"And my craniums hotboxed, fuckin wheee"
rugged jewel
🦆
rugged jewel
rugged jewel
Cheddar cheese makes my brain wheeze. I sneeze and the stains in my brain freeze...
Gonna like write more to this
rugged jewel
Frebreeze makes my brain wheeze. I sneeze and the stains in my brain freeze. I smoke 420 pounds of weed and my cranium’s hotboxed.
rugged jewel
Cleaning my mind out with the shit I’ve wrote. Selling drugs in a trench coat to the voices in my head. I’m off the meds and now my veins are bleedin’ red.
Idk what to write
Maybe I could write off of what I thought of the first day I was in the mental hospital
rugged jewel
“The pedals on the rose fall off piece by piece. You’re all I’ve ever wanted, but all the signs point the other way. There’s nothing I can say, nothing I can do to get me to you. Oh the sky’s so blue. Why can’t I just walk away. All I wanna do is stay, but all the signs point the other way. Was this all just a mistake? Just another chance I’m gonna take. Right people, wrong place, oh why can’t I just look you in the face and tell you I love you. You’re all I’ve ever wanted, all I’ve ever needed, but you’re looking on the line, and I’m looking in between it. I can say I love you, but do I really mean it? It’s not mean it’s just the way things are going to have to be. I wish I could love you. I want you, but you’re only going to hurt me and desert me again.”
Bro, Gandalf came into our store today. Bro got some onions and tomatoes and a bell pepper, and he said he was gonna make some soup, but we all know bro was gonna make some potions
rugged jewel
Had a decent night
Just had fun with my friends
And it was nice
It’s just weird
Like being on meds again
Like not constantly thinking about suicide is just unusual for me
And so I sort of subconsciously try to think about suicide
While without the meds I just sort of subconsciously think about it
Which the difference is subconsciously trying to think about it means I’m like sort of trying, but just subconsciously thinking about suicide is like I look everywhere and all I see is suicide
rugged jewel
I want to write more
Just sort of need an analogy
I feel like my writing is limited by my knowledge
I could doooo
Uhmmmm
Idkkk😭
Here’s a cheeseburger
McDonald’s cheeseburger
Anyways😭
I might die in this shitty life, but I’ll still come back like “It’s alive!” Robot Chicken with little mix of nitroglycerin, cauldron made of human skin that I’m mixin’ it in. Is this my life I’m livin’ in? Or am I the soul of another man?
rugged jewel
Everything’s getting so loud. Feels like voices are just circulating in my head
Fuckkkk
I hate this
There’s just too much
I just need to calm my stress down
But it’s so much
I hate my life so much
Like honestly
I wish everything would just work out. But it feels like nothing will
Even with my meds I still stress so much sometimes
Almost had a panic attack just now
I hate how much stress reminds me of my old friend
Being around her made me stress way too much
I need to tell Sarah today
If I stay I’ll only be hurting her more
Hopefully she finds someone else and is happy with them
Just hope they treat her right
And that she doesn’t find anyone manipulative or anything
I hate dealing with relationship stuff
It’s so stressful
So far after going through this many relationships it feels like none of them will ever work out
I never expected to be in so many
Tbh I wanted my first relationship to be the person that I died with
Which is unrealistic expectations, but I mean it would’ve been nice
Maybe I’ll find someone eventually, but for right now I just need to get a break
This is too much
It’s not as bad as my ex, but it still makes me think I’m a bad person
It still means that eventually I’ll probably hurt her
I mean think about it
She thinks of me as like her soulmate
And is very happy with me
But I think of her as an amazing person, except I’m not good with relationships.
And I get way too stressed about it all
Honestly I want to die so badly right now
Still recovering from that almost a panic attack😭
That was honestly horrible
I guess if I never find anyone then I’ll at least know that I made Emma happy
I’m just glad I did that
rugged jewel
I hate how my entire goal with people is to help them and never hurt them, but sometime’s to help them I have to hurt them.
(Mentally)
Like with Sarah right now
I’m gonna need to break up with her because if I don’t then in the long run it’s only gonna hurt her more
And leaving her is going to devastate her
It just feels like every time I get out of one stressful situation I go to another one
I get out of the relationship with my ex and then I met Emma
But I like actually truly loved Emma
And it was stressful, but she was amazing
But then I get with Sarah
And that is currently stressing me out a lot
rugged jewel
Sometimes I wanna go to sleep and never wake up. Spike my drink with fentanyl. Cuz man I’ve been thinking bout all the shitty things that make my heart break. Some people say let it out, don’t just shut down, but those people talk shit when you’re not around. They’ll save you for the reputation then let you drown when no one’s looking. Feels like my hearts been breakin’, love’s forsaken, I won’t make it even if I fake it, the grounds been shakin’ and I just can’t take it.
rugged jewel
rugged jewel
rugged jewel
Idk sort of looked cool
rugged jewel
rugged jewel
Sometimes I hate that people like me
Even if I like them too, it’s like they want to be so much more than I can handle.
Everyone I’ve been with sort of plan our future together so much
Like literally talking about being married
And so many other things
I can’t handle that because they seem so happy and it makes me stressed because I don’t want to hurt them
Because I also have commitment issues
I always hurt them
And I hate it
They say it’s okay, but I just can’t stop saying sorry
rugged jewel
rugged jewel
Me and Sarah are going to be completing what Emma started and wanted to do which is draw all of the power armors from Fallout 4
And yeahhhhh
It’s gonna take a long time
rugged jewel
rugged jewel
My mom’s boss (?) told me “have fun at the beach” and I almost said “you too”😭
Idk why, but talking to Sarah makes me feel better anytime
No matter what
rugged jewel
I want to hammer a nail into my handddd
I still think about things that happened so long ago and want to say sorry for it and just hating myself for it
Stuff that wasn’t even a big deal at all
rugged jewel
Notttt doing good todayyyy
rugged jewel
Just randomly thought of something today
“Cuz bitch I got smoke and I ain’t talkin’ ‘bout dope, I could beat yo ass with my eyes closed”
rugged jewel
“As long as god in heaven dwells, your soul shall scream in hell”
rugged jewel
My dad acts like he can’t ever calm tf down for once in his life
I asked for one day off and he acts like I asked to never work again
rugged jewel
“I could not help the fact that I was a murderer, no more than the poet can help the inspiration to sing.” - H. H. Holmes
rugged jewel
“Oh Death won’t you spare me over to another year”
rugged jewel
I fucking hate work so much. They won’t stop making me work so much.
I swear if they make me work another day that I’m not supposed to
It’s so damn annoying
rugged jewel
Not to get political or anything, but is anyone else scared of this?
I’m not because I usually go through a denial stage about absolutely everything immediately
Or more of an acceptance stage
But like it’s very terrifying
I’m not political at all, but like this is still scary because it’s literally going to ruin so many lives
And just change the US completely
I honestly think in the future I’m going to move to London
Or at least the UK
because this is so shitty
rugged jewel
“I think it's 'bout time
That I warned you I might cry in front of you
And I don't want you to feel
Like I'm afraid of the truth
I didn't want you to feel
Like it was all your fault
But that doesn't mean
That I wanted you to feel nothing at all
What do you want me to say
When I can't tell you the truth?
Please, tell me how the fuck
I'm supposed to deal with losing you” - Mom Jeans.
rugged jewel
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7y3ejrrypIPH5Mzo7AZhAD?si=iHRGkJ7pTz66nTCVf1_frw&pi=u-6UQCPy2TScid
Playlist I made for Sarah
rugged jewel
I hate tonight
rugged jewel
I have discovered something absolutely amazing
DUCKS
IN MINECRAFT
(With an add-on)
rugged jewel
I bought a bunch of stuff for Minecraft
A bunch of add-ons
Furniture add-on, farmers, one that adds a lot of animals, backpacks, and vehichlesss
rugged jewel
“Even though you’re far away I still feel like you’re laying right next to me” - DempseyRollBoy
rugged jewel
rugged jewel
rugged jewel
When I look at the stars in the sky it reminds me of your beautiful eyes. I can wait till the day you and I are tongue tied. I can’t lie, you make my face redder than an apple pie’s insides. If I had one wish in my life it’d be you sitting next to me watching the sun rise. Like fireflies you’re my light at night. I’d fight for light-years just for you to be here.
rugged jewel
Random picture
I swear I don’t have a country accent😭😭
I hate country accents
I was talking to my friends last night while we were playing Minecraft and we were talking about our parents and abuse. My parents are the ones who abused their kids a lot and still do. But my friends didn’t have to deal with that. So I was telling them about all the stories of my mom hitting me, throwing things at me, and my dad hitting me. But anyways, eventually I got to the night that I almost got into a fight with my dad. Which sort of just reminded of it all. Which I didn’t tell it completely right on how it was supposed to be told. But anyways, he got mad at me because he set dumb rules to force me to hang out with them, and I don’t like hanging out with them because they’re just shitty people and genuinely make me feel so much worse about myself. But like anyways, he got mad that I didn’t follow those rules, so he started arguing and yelling at me. It became way bigger than it should’ve, but he eventually said “if you wanna talk to me like a man then stand up and take this outside like a man” or something like that, so I stood up😭 like bro, idgaf, I’m gonna stand up. So we went outside to the porch and he started pushing me into the wall over and over again. I just sort of sat there and stared at him in the eyes while he just kept pushing me. And he kept saying shit like “I dare you to touch me, do it I fucking dare you!” I didn’t touch him, but he kept pushing me until my mom came outside and stopped him. She just told me to go to my room, so I went in there and turned on my TV and watched YouTube😭 he went into the living room with my mom and cried because he was like disappointed in himself. Even though he should be disappointed in himself for way more than just that because he’s a manipulative, racist, homophobic, piece of shit. Same with my mom. But he started crying and I think that was the first time anyone saw him cry. I felt bad for him. But he eventually came in my room and told me that I can talk to my friends or whatever again and we hugged-
-a few times and I sort of acted like I cared, but I mean I didn’t. They do nothing, but try to manipulate us.
And about the whole abuse stuff and everything
I told my friends that my dad has only hit me like 5-6 times. And only me. He has almost never hit anyone else because the rest are my sisters. Except he has like sort of very slightly slapped them on the leg when they didn’t listen. Not my big sister though.
When he hits me though he more of like does it harder
But I told my friends about all of that and they said that it was bad that he did that
But I mean it doesn’t seem that bad to me
I mean I’d hate it if he hit anyone else, but it doesn’t bother me if he hits me
I mean other than him hitting me and stuff as a punishment, me and him punch each other pretty hard in the arm and legs until we give each other bruises. It’s fun
I just could never do that to a woman like he does with my mom
Even if it is as a joke
He’ll just hit my mom or my sister in the arm or leg. Like punch them, not too hard, but sort of in a way that hurts the most
Like with his bare knuckle
Which now that I think about it it’s a lot worse than I thought it was
The main thing I hate is that I’m fucked up with common sense
So many people have said “it’s common sense” to me and it makes me feel bad
Like idk
It makes me feel so stupid
Because I didn’t know
rugged jewel
rugged jewel
It is a very sad day
😔
I can’t send the bear to Sarah
BUT
It’s also a great day
Because she’s back
🥳😭😭🥳
rugged jewel
Call me an abusive musician with the way I’m hitting every beat perfectly.
rugged jewel
“People tell me it’s all in my head, well then maybe all the people hating on me is just an illusion. Maybe I’m schizo, it’s sick yo, the way they tell me it’s all in my brain, but they don’t even know my name or the people who shower me in shame. Don’t bring me an umbrella, I’ll just walk in the rain. I’d rather walk through fire than walk next to you. You drag me down all the time and I don’t need to rhyme to tell you how badly you fucked up this time. It’s messed up with the way you try to tell me that you’re holding me up, but the truth is you’re holding me with a noose around my neck.”
rugged jewel
rugged jewel
rugged jewel
I have acquired
I don’t play Valorant😭
I didn’t even know it was in the game😭
Not until my friend told me
rugged jewel
I hate that I got so caught up in my imagination that I was actually happy for a second because I thought there was something worth living for
rugged jewel
It’s not okay
And everything just feels like it’s going to shit
I just don’t know what to do
It feels like this always happens
Every time
But maybe I can save it
It’s just so hard
rugged jewel
“I’m not some prize to be won with empty words”
rugged jewel
rugged jewel
“Can’t stop stressing every time I’m confessing my love to you. You’re like ranch dressing I’ll be your salad. I’m not like DJ Khalid because there’s not another one, you’re the only one” kind of corny BUT why not put it here idk
rugged jewel
I have so much to handle rn and honestly idk if I can
Just like spiraled really badly
But
I just need to handle the whole Sarah situation
rugged jewel
I suffocated a wasp
I grabbed it with a rag a few days ago and then put the rag in a cup and just left it in there until I remembered to get it today and he’s dead
rugged jewel
rugged jewel
I’ve started to cut myself
A lot
Just not deep
I have thought of something and it is inspired by @sly falcon
“It’s fascinating how a single drop of dye can make gallons of pure water turn darker”
rugged jewel
“It’s annoying that I can make myself suffer easier than I can end it”
rugged jewel
I swear if another person talks about astrology then I’m going to beat the shit out of them /j
BRO
It’s literally star racism
I’m arguing with this random girl who’s said some shit like “well every scorpio I’ve been with has been hell soooo” LIKE BRO THAT DOESNT JUST MEAN THEY ALL ARE. I FEEL LIKE YOU’RE THE TOXIC ONE IN THE RELATIONSHIP
😭
You’re just being so damn prejudice, but when someone’s prejudice against you, you gotta take offense to it.
Like when someone’s sexist towards you, you take offense, but when you’re the one being prejudice it’s fine?
You’re just hypocritical
You dumb bitch
You literally have got to be the dumbest person I’ve ever met because that’s insane
“Oh well you were born in August, so you obviously are very toxic in a relationship”
Dumbass reasoning
If you tell me that some stars are gonna determine whether or not someone’s good in a relationship then I’m going to take a Ninja Star and slam it into your skull. 😭 idk why I said that😭
But like actually though it’s so stupid
“Hit|er was a Leo, obviously he was gonna kill all those people. It’s common sense”
Goofy ahh reasoning
Like actually though people who say something stupid like that make me want to beat them relentlessly
I could never be with someone who thinks astrology is actually accurate
And some people would probably tell me I’m being mean to them, like bro they’re being mean to us. They’re making people seem like bad people who aren’t. They’re being prejudice as hell and try to cover it up as some “fun” thing.
Like I don’t actually say anything in anger towards people like that, but it does make me mad
I just usually go with whatever they say
Random person: “And he was a Scorpio, so idk why she thought it was a good idea”
Me: “yeah I don’t understand it”
Random person: “It was so obvious that he was bad for her”
Me: “yeah”
Like bro I honestly do not give a fuck😭
And I hate you
You actual asshole
I hope you get into a head on collision with a semi
😭
Because sacrificing your life is worth it to save other people’s time because you’re an absolute waste of everyone’s time
Anyways I’m done ranting. If you use astrology to come to conclusions or to hate on or love people then I hope you realize how stupid that is
rugged jewel
Thinking about wether I should get on my Xbox when I get home or not
Probably will
But I’m tired
Tomorrow’s my cousin’s birthday and I want to write stuff for her
So I’m gonna go ahead and start on that
Wittawy
rugged jewel
rugged jewel
Wittawy not doing okay
rugged jewel
rugged jewel
Not doing gooddd
rugged jewel
rugged jewel
rugged jewel
rugged jewel
rugged jewel
My friend
Jusr sent me a TikTok
Saying
“Reasons why it’s okay for your bf to have female friends”
And
I said this
Because if I can’t have certain friends just because of their sex then fuck you
rugged jewel
Anyways
Time to rant because I’m mad
And todays rant will be about sexism and equality
In a server I’m in it literally had a ranking thing in the media where it said “ranking Asian countries by how toxic the men are” and not only is that sexist, but it’s racist
Idc if it’s about women, men, black people, whites people, or literally anything else. You’re a complete asshole for discriminating them
and I hope every person that is sexist, racist, or discriminatory gets drafts into a really deadly war
I hope they get nuked, but they’re just outside of the blast radius, but the radiation still hits them and so they get mutated and radiation poisoning
Because fuck you
I hope you get kidnapped and tortured
I hope the next time I see you it’s in a hospital bed
Because you’re a complete piece of shit
Idc what bad past things or anything like that that have happened to you by anyone of a certain group. Don’t fucking discriminate them
Idc if you’ve had 10 really bad boyfriends or 10 really bad girlfriends
You can be more careful and stuff, but don’t just say that all men are horrible or that all women are horrible
And with the Asian thing
Hold on
This
You’re saying that those Asian men are toxic or aren’t toxic depending on where they live or were born in, but it seems like to me that you’re the toxic one
Because I would never get with someone who’s gonna discriminate anyone
Especially with race, sex, and gender
I would never even want to be around them
Because discriminating against people and stuff like that not only is a toxic trait, but also can indicate so many other bad things about you
But also saying that that’s 100% true would be discrimination
Because it’s not 100% true, but it still is very toxic to say shit like that
rugged jewel
Cut my wrist with the shards of my broken heart.
rugged jewel
My character in Elden Ring
I made him look like Trevor Philips
And I put a dress on
And now I’m gonna defeat a boss with it
Tbh I kind of like being naked of armor in the game
Because now I can move around faster and plus I have a shield so I don’t need to worry about getting hit unless I mess up
So like I might as well just keep the armor off
AND KEEP THE DRESS ON FR
rugged jewel
Is it weird that
I broke up with someone and now I’m all of a sudden so much happier
My ego is so high right now
It’s probably because after the breakup I got paid and now I have 219 dollars, and I drank a Monster energy drink
Also here’s more stuff from Zombie Makeout Club
I love these
But like other people were like making them cat girls😭
But like I need to look for more of their art. It’s great
I’m gonna write something
I wrote something
BUT
Tbh it’s not appropriate for here😭
I JUST THOUGHT OF MORE
I actually just wrote an absolute BANGER
I’m gonna send it😭
I have to
“Ego kinda high like my paycheck. I buy the same shit you buy, but you pay less. Yo girl wanna hop in my car and I said “say less”. You talkin’ a lot of trash for a bitch with fake ice on yo neck. Ya’ll bitch’s necks lookin’ like my wallet: straight green. Drinking lean, but I ain’t no fiend, I been doin this since I was a teen. I rock and roll in my lambo with diamonds and gold on like I mine for coal in the jewelry sto. I’m ready to lock and load like let’s go, finna fuck these bitches up like my last hoe. I got straight ice like I’m frozen, but I ain’t finna let it go. Yo bitch on er’ knees for me when she see my gold, but this ain’t even the full show. I got mo money than problems and if you got a problem then I gotta gun that’ll solve em”
rugged jewel
Duck
I need him
I want him
He will be named
Destroyer of all that is evil
😭
rugged jewel
My cousin has broken up or maybe has been broken up with by her bf
Andddd so she will probably be sad for a while or maybe she will be really happy because knowing her if she realizes that he was a bad bf then she will just be happy about leaving and just constantly talk shit about him. I mean from what I’ve heard I’m pretty sure he was a bad bf
Seemed like he manipulated her
Because apparently he would flirt with some other girl at school and when my cousin talked to him about it he started to cry and have a breakdown apparently and she felt bad and stuff
And that’s just plain manipulation
And considering she was very in love with him it would be really easy to manipulate her and he probably knew that and so it’s very likely that he did
rugged jewel
Chemistry class at work Wittawy
rugged jewel
“Being with you was my darkest days. I know that when the light fades you’ll fade too. You were never there when my world turned blue. I fucking hate you and I’m sure you do too. I don’t have a single fucking clue on what to do when I’m lost without you. You were my guidance, my main source of happiness, but you just went and threw my heart straight into hell of eternal darkness. My minds circling around a darker place. I can’t find a place where I’m happy and sadly you were the only one who found that for me, but those were my glory days and they were your gory days. The way you stab my back was horrid baby. Your love was something I cherished, I put everything before it just for you to go up and ignore it. I should just hop in the car and floor it right off a cliff to where I’ll meet death where it’s most morbid”
I can’t write anything else, it’s all so horrible
rugged jewel
So like my mom has this bag with
Bluey and the Lorax on
It, and like it also has keychain charm things that have Bluey and Bingo, but it also has two nooses that say “adorable” on them
Like why😭
rugged jewel
Duolingo does not like me
A good quote
Which reminds me of something to rant about
So like realistically there’s absolutely no evidence that anyone exists, that the world exists, or that anything exists because your mind could be making it all up. I feel like a lot of people don’t understand how powerful people’s minds truly are. Like the fact that schizophrenia exists, DID, and just other things that are so surprising. Like people with schizophrenia just see stuff that doesn’t exist, but it’s extremely real to them
So like who’s to say that we all aren’t hallucinating?
I mean your mind can truly do anything it wants
You’re not in control of your body or your emotions, you just try your best to control them
I mean your mind can make you feel however it wants
It has full control over your body
Which could make a lot of people have a new fear
Because since your mind has complete control over you it could easily just take full control and not let you have any control and so it could easily do whatever it wants. It could ruin your life or torture you or kill you
I mean your entire existence is nothing, but a puppet to your mind
It’s sort of like the analogy I just made up😭 just now
Like
The horse and the person leading the horse
The person leading the horse feels like they have complete control over where the horse is, but the truth is that the horse is way more powerful than the person and can easily break away and run, effortlessly, but it doesn’t.
And so applying that to you
You think you have complete control over your body and your life and whatever else, but you don’t. Your mind could easily just take away that control and do whatever it wants
But it doesn’t
And who knows, maybe one day you’ll finally do that one thing that stops it from letting you have any control
It’s sort of like how if you try to hurt yourself your body naturally pulls away
Like how you can’t choke yourself unless you use something like a noose
Your body naturally pulling away when you try to hurt yourself shows that you don’t have full control over your body
rugged jewel
I’m so glad that I’m back on my meds. I feel so much better today
rugged jewel
I love sitting in the cooler room thing (I forgot what it was called) at my job. It’s just like cold in there and like you can just close the door, turn off the lights, and sit in complete darkness. Saying in there for a little bit makes you start to wonder if you can see or if you’re blind because you can put your hands as close as you want to your eyes, but you won’t see them.
It’s fun
I’m gonna do it again😭
BRB😭
Now I’m dissociated as hell
I started to see things in there, but like I stayed because it was fun
But now I’m just really dissociated
rugged jewel
There’s so much drama happening at my job and I love it😭
Just hearing like “she knows damn well she shouldn’t of done that”
I’m invested fr
rugged jewel
“The chances in you surviving a fight with me is like the chances you have wining the lottery. I kill Demi-gods with China glass pottery while smoking a pot of green. I got a lot of fiends waitin’ at my door cuz they want some more of the shit I’ve been cookin’.”
rugged jewel
rugged jewel
I cut and I feel a lot better
Just started laughing
I love being a masochist
But now I have blood on my finger and I think there’s blood dripping down my leg
😭
I just feel happy
rugged jewel
I think my medicine is making me nauseous
But tbh it’s not that bad
It makes me happier so I don’t mind
rugged jewel
I cut a shit ton last night
So much
Both of my legs are just filled
With cuts
I ran out of space on my right leg and moved on to my left
I would send pictures, but I probably can’t here
rugged jewel
I will no longer have any contact with Bamber
Because she is a complete bitch
To this other guy she got with
rugged jewel
“Everyone wants something until they get it and then later they realize it isn’t as great as they thought it was. Everyone always wants to go back, but never forwards. I go to sleep thinking tomorrow will be better, but it can never be better than days in the past. I go to sleep hoping to die, tomorrow could never be better than death.”
