lee's journal1!1!1 | Huddle | Page 3

coral smelt Jul 13, 2023, 5:55 AM

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but nobody online gave af about why i wasnt online for a day

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anyways my mom just came in telling me to sleep at only 11:55 pm

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so i guess i will considering the fact that my phone is on the charger, is slowly dying at 8 percent even if it was charging perfectly fine until my mom took it, and

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and actually i dont know

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i dont feel tired at all

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oh well

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good night

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coral smelt Jul 13, 2023, 6:50 AM

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it has been 51 minutes.

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i tried so many different positions

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i closed my eyes for 51 minutes and not a second of sleep

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ok anyways but i cannot explain the excitement i have for school

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i will be in 8th grade, my little sister will be in 7th, and my little brother will be in 1st

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meaning me and my sister will finally be in the same school

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on my first day of 7th grade, i struggled so much, so i kinda hope my sister does too

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all summer ive been doing nothing but watch camp camp, eat lunchables, and stay inside all 3 months

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im not complaining

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but

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school gives me pressure

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i miss it

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that is a crazy thing to say but its true

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i miss not knowing what math assignment i would have

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or getting an overwhelming feeling about not finishing my homework on time

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or even feeling superly afraid after spilling milk on my chromebook (it survived)

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all summer everything is so

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expectable

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im actually exploding

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ok now its 1:00 am again

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spookily

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maybe i will play pony town for a bit to help me feel tired

coral smelt Jul 13, 2023, 8:25 AM

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ok i played for 1 hour and 25 minutes

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i was walking around and somebody said they liked my pony making style!! so i that made me superly happy

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also i played a build battle and even if i didnt win the first 2 rounds, somebody said they loved my builds the most

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and so i won on the final round so that made me superly happy as well

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ok now ill go get water

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ok i have my water now

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ok

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i dont feel tired still but maybe thats just the lack of real food

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ive eaten just cereal for like 1 week straight

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maybe i am tired

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so i will try to sleep

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again

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good night!!

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coral smelt Jul 13, 2023, 2:35 PM

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ok so i slept

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then i had a dream about watching the new camp camp episode today

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but it comes out tomorrow

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so me and my sister have to watch 7 more episodes before then

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then we can watch it1!!1!1

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im exploding

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so now its 8:36 am

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so i actually got 4-5 hours of sleep

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but these pants are causing sensory issues

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i cant

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ok baggy jeans are way better

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nobody else is awake yet

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im surprised i actually woke up this early

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i didnt even need an alarm

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asides from my dream about camp camp

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i also had a dream about going to school

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it was weird we brought popcorn on the bus

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and our bus driver was our 8th grade science teacher

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and the bus was way off the road

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but i think i woke up before we got on so thats good i think

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but clearly my excitement for school had an impact on my sleep

coral smelt Jul 13, 2023, 11:15 PM

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ok i watched a bit more of camp camp with my sister but we need to pick up the pace because tomorrow is the new episode

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i have done nothing but play pony town all day, alone

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but my phone is charging again so thats good

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now its 5:15 pm so im going to continue to do nothing for the rest of the day

coral smelt Jul 17, 2023, 8:27 AM

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hi im back

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just letting nobody know that im not dead

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its 2:27 am rn

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i took my sisters phone for bit and logged into my discord account

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first i noticed i had 2 dms, one from kelsey and one from my tiktok mutual

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i opened kelseys of course to see that he deleted the message

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but i was not focused on that

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kelseys friend nickname wasnt there so i checked their profile and it said "add friend"

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this happened a lot with cailyn except, i wasnt dating cailyn

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i assume kelsey unadded me or blocked me

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but i will wait to deal with it until i get my phone back.

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i suppose staying on my sisters phone at 2 am writing everything that happened isnt the best thing to do either, so i will wait as well.

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the other dm from my tiktok mutual

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they were asking something about if i am preston from camp camp

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i think they got that because of my profile picture or they thought i was a system or maybe they were being sarcastic

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but i didnt know so I just said that i was indeed preston

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they have not responded

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i got no other dms from anybody even if i was gone for 3 or 2 days idk

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tw : suicide
|| maybe kelsey sent a suicide text to me but deleted it then blocked me or unadded me, but i have no way of telling, and i am not crying about it, and i wasnt crying even when i saw the add button, but im not happy about it either. i dont know what happened which made him do that. maybe i did something wrong ||

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i will just log back onto my sisters account like nothing ever happened, and look deeper into it when i get my phone back.

coral smelt Jul 18, 2023, 9:33 AM

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dude ok so the kelsey situation is still where i left off.

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i didnt get my phone back

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yet hopefully

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i asked mine and kelseys friend, koray about it but he didnt know anything so i went to sleep that night and put my sisters phone back

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but anyways tonight i got my tv back after

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i theres so much to explain

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ill do that later

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i got my tv back and i got to actually listen to music again

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then i watched some youtube

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on youtube i encountered somebody named lynn or something idk

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but they made lgbtqia+ content

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and some of their videos were like "5 signs you might be trans" or non binary, ace, and so on

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i watched the trans, gender fluid, and ace ones.

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when i watched the genderfluid one i didnt expect to get more than 1 sign, but i got 3

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yippee new level

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i related to the genderfluid one a lot actually

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then when i watched the ace one, they told me about platonic, emotional, and aesthetic attraction

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and how ace people can confuse that with intimate attraction

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i related to that superly much and i got 3

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as for the trans one

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ive been telling myself "your not trans" right after i would call myself a boy

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but i got 5 on the video

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in the video they brought up gender e

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.. idk how to write it

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gender ephoria. dont judge me

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i completely exploded and it made me superly happy when i remembered when people would use correct pronouns on me

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it made me so superly happy

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ever sign that they brought up, i related that to like every single thing ive been doing or noticing

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its so hard to explain

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but i related so much

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and i think i actually think that i might be trans.

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but i cant be sure

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for now ill hope that my mom doesnt see this and go to sleep because its 3:46 am now

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.. i cant send a camp camp picture

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anyways bye

coral smelt Jul 20, 2023, 3:54 AM

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many emotions

coral smelt Jul 20, 2023, 4:15 AM

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at least i get to talk to chris or here when my sister lets me have her phone

coral smelt Jul 21, 2023, 7:04 AM

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its already the 21st and my sister hasnt watched the new episode with me

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im crying

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well it is 1:08 am

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only a few more hours

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i have 3 friends named jasper now

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jasper from pony town, jasper from tiktok, and jasper from discord

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idk if jasper from camp camp counts

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anyways i talked to jassie and jasper for a bit

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but nobody else

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i feel trapped

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mentally

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idk

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at least i can listen to music

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and type here when i steal my sisters phone sometimes

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today i lied in bed thinking for a while after being sent to my room

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my step dad, steve, said that i couldnt come out

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i was crying because i missed jasper but nothing i do works

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i imagined jasper unfriending me

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i almost fell asleep on my chair so i went to my bed even it was like 10 am

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it was bright outside but i had nothing to do

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my mom wouldnt even listen to music

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after crying for a while i got tired for some reason

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i sat and stared at random objects for like 30 minutes

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doing nothing at all

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i finally fell asleep on the bed

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and i woke up at 6 pm.

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somehow

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when i woke up before i was energized

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then i got tired and slept for 8 more hours somehow even if i had gotten plenty of sleep that night

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i woke up because my mom said for me to come out in the living room because it was so hot in my room

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after a while you get used to the heat

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i asked why

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and idk what she said afterwords but i went out there

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then she said i couldnt play on the xbox or watch tv

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so i said whats the point of even being out there and went back to lay down

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i stared at the ceiling for a long time until i realized i couldnt fall back asleep

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so i finally got up again

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it was like 6:30 when i came out

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and my sister was playing doors on roblox

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i started watching her and we were having a good time

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steve said that "i could watch but my mom said that i couldnt play"

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i said that she already said that i couldnt but apparently he misheard me because he went to ask my mom if she said i could play on it

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it proves he doesnt trust me

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but i didnt get in trouble i think

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so i continued watching my sister play

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i did that for like the rest of the day

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when i went to my room there was nothing to do besides continuously cleaning it, even if the smallest piece of paper fell from my shelf.

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until dinner

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then i watched more

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cleaned

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watched

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then it was time for bed

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so i came in my room and drew basil from omori on a white board

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since i didnt have paper

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but i wanted to add the flowers and stuff from the game

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i did hero with the rose, omori with the tulip, basil with the sunflower, and kel with the cactus

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but i forgot what maris and aubreys flowers looked like and i didnt have my phone

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so i went to get my sisters

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she was asleep and so was my brother

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so i finished the drawing and took a picture of it so i wouldnt lose it

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i cleaned again

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took care of my cat

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and the reason im cleaning so much is because when my parents talked down on me so much for having a really bad and messy room

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i wanted to change

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i cleaned my sisters old clothes in one corner

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cleaned up my clothes and trash in another corner

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cleaned an area full of trash and school papers under the tv

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fixed my desk

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did my laundry

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cleaned all my shelved

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fixed my cats litter box, food bowl, and water bowl

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cleaned my night stand

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made my bed

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vacumned over and over again

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cleaned my coffee table

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cleaned out my chair because a lot of stuff falls in there

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moved everything around

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out got all the moldy dishes out.

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it wasnt enough so i took care of myself too.

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my hair is way softer now

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i got a new closet bar after cleaning so i was able to hang up my clothes instead of throwing them in a corner on the floor

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steve also donated 2 shirts to me. he said "heres 2 pure black shirts, and they will be baggy on you so its more comfortable"

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i almost cried since he was so nice

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he usually never is

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anyways i was cleaning and taking more care of myself for 2 main reasons

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because i actually wanted it to get better and because my mom took away my phone. my entire happiness

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that sounds dramatic but its true

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tiktok videos, jasper, talking here

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all of it made me happy

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so i use my sister phone to talk here

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i would talk here more if i could

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but still after all im doing my mom doesnt care

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she hasnt noticed how doing nothing but cleaning all day and basically talking to nobody all day has effected me mentally

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maybe she has

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she doesnt care

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she thinks taking away something i love will do anything about it

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anyways now that i have way softer hair and i cleaned my room to its full extent

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i actually feel way better

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i never want it to get bad again

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which is why i clean so much

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when i finish cleaning that small piece of paper on the floor i sit down and look at my room

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i feel proud of myself for cleaning all of it alone

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when im laying down in bed

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even if ive just finsihed crying after being yelled at

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i smile for some reason

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even when im trying to sleep

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tw : self harm
|| even when i just relapsed ||

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i barely talk to anyone

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get yelled at constantly

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and i finally got my room out of the depressive state it was in

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and im superly guilty about it

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i still manage to smile

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for no reason

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its 1:45 am now

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my sisters phone is at 29 percent

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and im sitting in a dark room, typing all this, and listening to omori music

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its very hot and all i have to cool down is a fan and a room tempature water bottle

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my cat, pip, even thinks its hot

coral smelt Jul 21, 2023, 8:37 AM

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ok now its 2:37 am

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my sisters phone is at 17 percent

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i played some pony town

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but jasper wasnt online

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i also tried logging into tiktok but it didnt work

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i guess sleeping for 17 hours straight is making me stay awake right now

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but i have nothing else to do

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so im going to try to sleep now

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bye

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ok bye for real now

coral smelt Jul 25, 2023, 1:40 AM

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dude so in 2019 my grandma and grandpa gave me a blue amazon tablet for christmas

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mmymomkeptitinacabinetforyears

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and now i found it again

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thats what im on right now

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its clearly a bit harder to type but im workimgworking with itit

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..

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i downloaded a lot of games including roblox and pony town

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so now im able to talk to jasper

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they said they missed me

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i also got tiktok so i can watch camp camp tiktoks but im working on signing in

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and discord slso now i can talk here more

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and speaking of camp camp

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on the 21st me and my sister watched the new episode!!

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i was literally crying but she wasnt as emotional

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oh the reason was because summer ended and everyone went home

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max was superlhsuperly sad about it

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and there was a picture and it was bawling and everything

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but

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theres always next summer .

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omg

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so now that i have this tablet i feel way better

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my room is still clean

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and i still have my tv

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but if my mom finds out i have this behind her back

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I

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imim never seingseeingseingseeing the light of day again

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god this is annoying

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my tablet is at 33 percent and its 7:52 pm

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my phone charger works for this tablet oddly

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jasper is playing with hero

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jasper also likes omori a lot more now and they finally got to play it

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iimgonow

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byebye

coral smelt Jul 25, 2023, 5:22 AM

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dude

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i always jinx everything

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tw : self harm

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|| i told myself that my mom would find out about my scars soon and that exact day she did ||

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aand now earlier i said that if my mom found out i had this tablet i would never see the light of day again

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bwellguesswhat

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she found out

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but she said that i could keep it as long as i keep my room clean

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im shaking from fear

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when i know i did something wrong i just stare at her in fear

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and its like im not anlable

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able to say anything

coral smelt Jul 28, 2023, 9:52 AM

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hi im actually ok

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ive been wonderful actually

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im just lazy to write

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nothing really bad happened with my family

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and my room is still clean

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i feel like mine and jaspers relationship grew stronger

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and jasper has more friends, who also have similar interests to me

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so i made some new friends

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we all usually hang out in the omori area in pony town

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since jasper finally got to play omori, they make a lot of omoeiomoei skins

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..

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ignore that

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so i have as well

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more then what i hashad

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..

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at least

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when i had my school computer i would always go on a site calles vent scapete capee capee capee pepecapeecapee cape

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..

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called vent scape.

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so i just remembered what it was called and my tablet had it

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sometimes i vent there but usually everyone there is really chaotic and stupid

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since its an anonymous online chat room

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it seems like theyre all robots but everyone can talk to eachother

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so i asked if anyone had discord ans somebody gave me theirs

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..

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iill call them dude

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theyre actually 26 but theyre really nice

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im talking with them rn actually

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they sound 12 ans its so funny

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they also added me to their server

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anyways speaking of school chromebookschromebooks

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school starts august 7th

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so ill be in 8th grade

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and im sosos excited

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and nervous to see everyone again

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but it does mean ill have my chromebook back

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so maybe i can earn the

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..

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learn the controls frofor

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..

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for pony town again

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anyways the only bad thing for these past 4 days is that

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i have not slept

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for 2 days.

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and its 4:08 am rn

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my tablet is at 13 percent

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but tomorrow my mom is taking me shopping for school clothes

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also i got a new tiktok account .:3

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so i might go to sleep at 5 hopefully

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ill try

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byebye

coral smelt Jul 28, 2023, 3:12 PM

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dude i just woke up to the most terrifying omori song on my omoeiomori .. ost playlist

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in my opinion

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idk the name but i think its friendsssss , like after you exit white space, but it has terrifying note drops, which is what you hear in blaxkblackblaxkblack.. space

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and i immediately tried going back to sleep but i couldnt so i waited until the song omori came on,

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then duet

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then good morninhmorning

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and then my time

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..

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when each song cacame on .. III .. i actually exploded

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the song called omori actually givss .. MeMeme .. me scary flashbacks from playing

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but aftee t.. after the last song of the game the ost was over and i got on here

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anyways i wokw .. woke up at 8:30 and now its 9:17

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only my brother is awake rn

coral smelt Jul 29, 2023, 5:42 AM

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my mom lied again and we are goinf shopping for clothes and backpaxks inthe mormjng instead

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today i played with jasper ans has fun

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i made a lot of new skins om pomy town

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but i also cleaned mh hard

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.. mh

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.. my hard

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now its 11:43 pm and i have to wake up at 9 am to go tl the store

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Ssoilltrytosleepearliernow

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i have some milk ans a muffin

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byebye

coral smelt Aug 3, 2023, 11:25 PM

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ok so the reasom ive not talked here in a while is because for 1, im too lazy

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for 2, im literally enjoying time to myself, never leaving my room, and interacting with my friends before school starts onon.. monday

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i think-

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todays thursday

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my mom spemt 700 dollars on all of us to go school shopping

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n

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i got new clothes which i somewhat like, a backpack, socks, shoes, and she ordered a whole bunch of school supplies on amazon times 3 children

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very expensive

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so im superly excited for schol, but imim nervonervous .. to see kelseykelsey again.

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oh my god

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im nervous about a lot of things tbh but thats what i like about school

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anyways for these past few days i was doing nothing on my tablet, i discovered a site called rentry

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i found it when i saw people on pony town link their github to their account

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ive been on github before so i clicked it and they had a rentry linked to their github

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i clicked that out of curiousity and it was so pretty

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they had all of their info, like an introduction, andand there was aesthetic symbols and tiny pixel gifs everywhere

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and when you click a link on there it takes you to another rentry with even more info

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so i tried making one myself

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i didnt link it to my pony town yet though.

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because i thought it looked horrible

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i used emojis and didnt know how to work the coding and stuff

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so i looked at more peoples rentrys and looked ip tutorialstutorials

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..

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after that i got way better but i still sont know how to add images or riny pixel gifs

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,

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so i looked up for tutorials

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and eventually i got so good that it lookes like a lot of everyone elses rentry and im superly proud of it

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so i linked it to my pony town ans github account and so far it has 160 views!1!1!1!

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another topic, i met like 2 new friends

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besides the fact that i added all of jaspers friends as well

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also jasper changed theie name to basil

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but the 2 new friends i met are mitsuba and rick

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mitsuba is almost 13 and rick is 17, they both like omori and camp camp, and their both rlly nice and funny!!

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ive been friends with them for a few days i think

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rick also has a rentry so he helped me a bit

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another topic

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on tiktok basil posts a lot ofof .. videos of omoei now instead od camp camp but im fine with that

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in the more recent videos they post drawings on omori characters

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next theyll draw aubrey

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and they are postimg stardew valley content now,

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but i dont have it !!

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thats ok though because they also posted a voice reveal!!

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i lovee their voice so much

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, alao on

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..

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also on pony town ive been way more active

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so i was able to spens time with everyone

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i have loads of screenshots as if im basil from omori

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i literally never want to forget basil because their my favorite person rn

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it seems like im overexagerating ..

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idk jow to spell

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tw : suicide , self harm

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|| but recently if i would just be talking to one of my other friends, basil would whisper me saying that they sis something. the first time they said "i tried to hang myself" without even asking to say it, but its ok. i immediately went to comfort them along with their othee friends. they got rlly happy after that and i dexided to take a photo :3 i still have it!! tje second time they said "i started cutting myself." again without asking but thats ok. my heart drops and my heart rate increases when they do that, but i wwnt to comfort them along with mitsuba because i was with her at that time, then basil was happy again!! we havent brought it up since then actually ||

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so thats wonderful. im not srs

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today i ate 1 bowl of cerea in my room and i forget to being it bax to the sink because i thought i did, but my mom vame in and started yelling at me just because ofof that

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when i clean my room she says "goodgood job"".. but she doesnt care how im feeling

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i dont remember the last time ive been hugged, and shes never asked if im ok

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but thats ok

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she took my tv instead because she thought i liked the tv more but she was so wrong

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honestly if i do 1 thing wrong, even if i apologize ajd start crying, she doesnt care ans thinks taking away the thing i love most will do something gopd about it

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i love my friends so much so i get really worried if i domt have my device

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but since school is starting soon, she cant takw away my school xhromebook. so ill hopefully be ok

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tw : self harm

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|| i almost relapsed because of that but i didnt wqnt to ruin it. ||

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oh my mom als bought soke headphones for all 3 of us

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im lisening to music in them en and theie noise cancelling!!

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anyways my tablet is at 12 percent ans its 5:52 pm so i will go joq

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bye

coral smelt Aug 4, 2023, 2:32 AM

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oh my god

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dude

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basil

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basil just confessed to me

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they said it wasnt a prank or anything,

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ive told myself ive had a crush on them before multiple times but i keep denying it because i sodon'tnt wantwant

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..

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i dont wqnt to ruin our friendship

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but i said that i liked them back-

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i got butterflies and my heart began racing, not like when kelsey confessed to me

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i havent officially broken up with him but

coral smelt Aug 4, 2023, 2:36 AM

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coral smelt i got butterflies and my heart began racing, not like when kelsey confessed to m...

basil said that he did too,

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if im dreaming im going to try

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.. i mean cry

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&-%#% AND THEIR VOICE IS SO CUTE

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im still flustered im

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im.. gonna go take a shower

coral smelt Aug 5, 2023, 2:11 PM

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the next day i was playing on pony town until basil came online

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basilbasil brought up the confession

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and asked if that made me their boyfriend now

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i wasnt sure that was how it worked since ive only been in 3 longish relationsips

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so i told them that and they got sad

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they said they needed time to process it so i let them

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then a few minutes laterlaterlaterlaterlaterlaterlaterlaterlaterlaterlaterlaterlaterlaterlaterlater he said that

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….

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they said that they feel like it was a regection

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and that they were crying right now because they have been regected before

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i started crying too

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so i told them why ; "im crying because its not a regection, and i dont want to be just friends with you"

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or something like that,

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and they immediately felt way better

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thiswas all online)

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they asked if we were dating then, and i said yes.

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they were superly happy about it

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and they asked me if they could tell the rest of our friends

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i said sure, even if i was nervous about it

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they told them and for the rest of that day, after their pont town timer ran out, they kept sending me adorable tiktoks

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i remember one;

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i kept telling them that i thought they were pranking me so they sent me a tiktok saying why they liked meand how i made them happy just by messaging them

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it sounds cheesy but it makes me so happy

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its not anything kelsey wouldve done

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basil wouldnt hit me (mostly because they cant)

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i wound a video "ask youryouryouryour friend"

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.

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"ask your friend what omori character you are"

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i tagged basil and asked them

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they said i was kel because i was a therapist friend, i was seemingly happy a lot ofof the time, and so much more reasons

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i said they were basil obviously mainly because basil is their main irl

#

and they are soft spoken and dont so wellwell in crowds..

#

it made me so happy ddude

#

tw : eating disorders , self harm , insomniainsomnia

#

|| theyve been telling me they were struggling with all of these, they didnt eay for 2 days, they stayed up all night, and they were thinking about doing the butterfly project ||

#

|| i stayedstayed with them bevause they said they dont like being lonely but they still wanted toto isolate themselves ||

#

|| i told them that the butterfly project helped me so they siad they would try it too ||

#

|| they stayed up all night but they said they werent tired at all so ill trust them on that ||

#

|| but last night they said that they were dizzy since they hadnt eaten in a 2 days so they said they were foing to sleep, i said foodnight but they disnt rewpond and i fot worried ||

#

|| i tried sleeping and i eventally did around 11 pm, but i woke up again at 12, even if i had felt like ive been sleeping forever. i had ant bites on my arm, i was hot, and dizzy, so i fixed that and i missed basil. i went to check if they were online but they werent so i made a video about it. then i put on my time by omori / bo en but that wasnt helping me sleep, so i put on the playlist i made for basil. that wasnr helping eirher. i kept thinking about basil and i missed them so much. i eventually fell asleep after an hour so it was 2 am when i woke up again. i felt the same thing as before. i cant remember what i did but i know that i went to see if basil was online but they werent. i added another comment on my video and went back to sleep. it felt like i was sleeping forever but i woke up again at 4. another comment. basil wasnt online. i was very worried but i fell back asleep. i probably shouldnt have because at about 5:30 basil saw my tiktok and asked if i was ok, said something about them not eating, and tagged me in some videos. i woke up at 5:52 am and i was so happy that they were ok. ||

#

|| i told them yes that i was ok, but on the eating one, they said that they were close to dying. i liked the comment but i didnt respond to it. i was in shock. but clearly me caring about them so much made them happy because they tagged me in a video saying i was thheir " green person ", and i was actually crying positively ||

#

after i saw everything i got a notification where they siad that they were online and waiting for me, and that they were alonealone, i felt selfish and joined, and they came online

#

ive been with them ever since and now its 9:21 am

#

they said they arent tired yet

#

|| about eating, they said they ate 3 chicken sandwiches and i said i was proud of them ||

#

while we were playing pony town together they were eating gummy frogs

#

they also asked if we could match profile pictures on tikrok and i was so happy because i was going to ask them that.

#

they also tagged me in a video with multiple pictures of sunny x basil, since they see it as me and them and im im absolutely

#

i love it so much.

#

i told myself that i just admired our friendship but i shouldve realized the signs

#

they also just told me they were transmasc and that made me feel a lot better

#

i might be too attached to them. its only been 2 days

coral smelt Aug 6, 2023, 8:19 PM

#

i organized my friends list and school is tomorrow

#

i blocked kelsey,

#

i noticed he changed their pfp

#

it looks like an omorinomori .. an omori matching pfp

#

but thatsbthats ok because im matching profile pictures witwith. with basil!!

#

maybe kelsey moved

#

idk

#

but rn im listening to my time and playing with basil, mitsuba, and some other omori fan we met!!

#

school is in 15 and a half hours oh my gosh

#

im so nervous and excited at the same time

#

i told basil but he wasnt very happy about it and i knew why but later i realized that me telling basil that was like kel telling basil from omori that hes moving away and i feel so bad

#

but its ok, i would always be online before and after school

#

before basil confessed to me we went on a google meet to do a voice reveal together

#

we did a voice reveal but basils profile picture was a picture of them, so i knew what he looks like

#

we never got to do it again so they never saw my face

#

and after they confessed, i brought it up

#

i thought they would be uncomfortable knowing that they havent seen my face but they said that it doesnt matter what i looked like

#

i could be an old man (im not) but i see their point :DD

#

right now theyre making aubrey in pony town

#

last night i was watching tiktok and i stumbled across the truth faraway logs for omori

#

so i watched it

#

it was a bit scary when basil was saying "everything is going to be ok" and when sunny was saying maris name

#

but i

#

tw : hanging body || but i i almost cried when aubrey and hero saw maris body. like i know what happened already but hearing their screams absolutely broke me, i was terrified. ||

#

yeppers

#

anyways before mitsuba and the random omori fan arrived i was playing with basil and basil and .

#

basil and i's friend, tototsy

#

me and basilbasil were cuddling and totsy saw, so they asked us if they could draw us as sunny and basil

#

a few minutes later he sent a cute little doodle to me on discord and i sent it to basil since he doesnt have discord

#

#-%&#+& its so cute

#

i would send it but people will maybe steal it

coral smelt Aug 6, 2023, 9:37 PM

#

tw : eating disorder || im really worried for basil. they said not eating is becoming a habit for them, evem with what happened last time. thethey even. . they never feel hungry. they were doing so good yesterdayyesterday. ... we were just talking about it together then they randomly said "brb", i hope hes ok. ||

coral smelt Aug 6, 2023, 10:28 PM

#

ok they came back but everyone there including me was telling them to eat until they finally tried to

#

but when they tried to swallow a granola bar, they just gaged

#

so instead they ate a pop tart and a sandwich and oddly they were able to eat those perfectly fine

#

but everyone is still concerned about it

#

but they were ok again so we all chilled and listened to music together

#

until he said that they had to go again

#

they havent come back yet

#

now im with snuuy and totsy, and im just listening to music :<

#

DUET

coral smelt Aug 7, 2023, 11:45 AM

#

ignore that

#

anyways its 5:45 am

#

and im completely ready

#

my siblings r still asleep

#

i have a whole hour to relax

#

i usually ride the bus but my mom drives us on the first day i think

#

i woke up at 11 pm last night in pain

#

fixed that and went back to sleep

#

then my alarm woke me up at 4 am

#

i took a shower, got dressed, and finally learned to tie my shoes1!1!1!

#

.. using the cheerio method

#

yayy

#

right now im with snuuy and their friend on pony town

#

and ive been editing my spotify playlist for basil

#

also, i think i finally figured out who i am-

#

transmasctransmasc,

#

..

#

transmasc, panromantic asexual

#

yeppers

#

aand rn im listening to music

#

my sisters awake now so imm gonna wake up my brother

#

.. you know what nvm

#

he can be late for all i care

#

yesterday i didnt eat at all until 9 pm

#

i almost passed out actually

#

but today my mom is making pancakes before we leave

#

so its ok

#

im worries about basil

#

they go to school on the 21st which is good

#

but they will be alone, and probably wont take care of themselves

coral smelt Aug 8, 2023, 11:24 AM

#

secondsecond day..

#

second da of schhool is in progress!!

#

its 5:24 am

#

i dont think basil is ok, but when i asked them about it like 3 times, they didnt say anything to me

#

also i would explain my first day but i dont feel like it rn

coral smelt Aug 10, 2023, 12:48 AM

#

third day happened

#

yeppers

#

when i got to school i went in the building to get my schedule with my sister

#

english, science, advisory, math, history, lunch, chess, art then dismissal

#

aand i went in the line outside

#

i saw kelsey

#

not hard to miss with their green hair

#

i didnt look at them once

#

i tried not to

#

|| i thought they died ||

#

anyways the plan was to help my sister find her class but i got scared and ditched her

#

i knew where every room was so i went to english class

#

but the teacher said i couldnt wear my headphones. so i put those up

#

when we came in she had a presentation of what we do that day

#

she does that every day

#

and instead of saying "here" she asks us a question like chocolate or vanilla and we answer to indicate it

#

i love that

#

we looked around her room as an assignment to gather clues as to what kind of a person she was, then she had us write a summary about her

#

she also had us write our preferred names on an index card so i like that better

#

but it takes a bit for her to get it so we write our real names in parentheses

#

thats fine

#

after her class is science

#

english is ms s

#

science is mr allen

#

in 6th grade i had ms allen as my science teacher

#

so i was familiar with it

#

first he introduced us to his class pets

#

spike the bearded dragon, wilbur the tree frog, and a whole ton of fish

#

ive never had a class pet before i dont think

#

and he lets us take them out of their tanks!!

#

not the fish-

#

anyways i petted the frog :DD

#

i love frogs

#

after that he gave us a syllabus for our parents to sign and he introduced us to himself

#

then we played would you rather by going to a certain side of the room!!

#

i already love mr allen

#

and the entire unit we will learn about space1!1!1!1!

#

i lovee space

#

my advisory class is in mr allens room, so i dont have to move rooms

#

in advisory we eat breakfast and get report cards

#

then i go to ms silva for math

#

ms silva was my 6th grade math teacher

#

i hate her way of teaching.

#

she isnt fun at all

#

i want my 7th grade math teacher back

#

i hate math1!1!!1

#

next is history with mr

#

mr

#

mr

#

i forgot

#

i hate history. i want my 7th grade history teacher back.

#

but the fun bit was writing an introduction on a paper for him

#

i guess.

#

after that i go to the field to "play"

#

while the 7th graders eat

#

i saw kelsey and kelsey asked my friend alexis to ask me if we were still dating.

#

i told alexis "i dont know"

#

but in my head i said "no fuc u"

#

after that 8th graders eat and 7th plays

#

we switch every quarter or semester idk

#

i ate smiley fries and milk

#

i sat with kelsey, alexis, and anhalita (idk how to spell her name).

#

it was awkward with kelsey but not bad

#

after llunch is chess

#

an electivee

#

the teacher was ms armijo, my 7th grade english teacher

#

her room was so different

#

she gave us her syllabus

#

then we learned about the history of chess and how to play

#

after that is art

#

with ms

#

ms

#

ms

#

ms holman!!

#

i remember

#

she let us introduce on a paper, then we helped get the art supplies together

#

after that was dismissal

#

since it was the first day, our mom drove us

#

i saw her and went to her but my sister wasnt there.

#

(she was still inside and couldnt get her locker open)

#

after that we went homee

#

basil was okay actually :3

#

i got my papers signed

#

and woke up at 4 am the next day, no alarm needed

#

showered, changed, and got my supplies ready for the day (a pencil)

#

aand i talked to basil for a bit :3

#

then i rode the bus

#

thats how my family does it

#

first day car, all year bus

#

i talked with my sister about our classes all bus ride

#

also i got the same locker and combination as last year :DD

#

the day went but during art, kelsey gave me a paper saying i love you

#

i wanted to respond, i said "no" on the paper but scribbled it out

#

i took the paper home with me

#

(and ripped it to shreds)

#

then today, my third day

#

i woke up at 4 am again but i was like

#

no

#

im sleeping more

#

then my mom woke me up at 6 am

#

"shit" i said

#

i didnt have time to shower since the bus came at 6:40

#

i got changed, got my pencil ready, and played with basil :DD

#

we had matching hero and mari cosplays &+##&+&#+

#

we said bye and i left for the bus

#

(i slept all bus ride)

#

holy balls basil messaged me

coral smelt Aug 10, 2023, 2:32 AM

#

anyways, nop i did not just talk with them for an hour and a half :3

#

also they are sunny now not basil or jasper

#

i went in the line outside and when in when everyone got there

#

an

#

aand wentwent to..

#

class

#

we finished back to school stations in english

#

idk how to explain

#

but in science

#

i was met by "neurodiversity" written on the board

#

i knew what that meant

#

and there was 4 colors of paper on the table

#

the class watched a video to learn about autism and adhd and differency

#

and gender andand lgbt

#

so i think mr allen supports :DD

#

..

#

aand after the video he gave us papers to write a 4 next to the wore we relate to the most, and a 1 where we dont and so on

#

we calculate our scores

#

the colors were blue, yellow, green, and orange

#

mr allen has adhd and has a green and orange hat

#

and its odd, everyone i know whos neurodivergent had orange and green hats, including myself

#

yea we made hats with the colors we got

#

i made a flower crown with stars instead of flowers :3

#

aand some people wore it the entire day (including me)

#

aand i have it rn!!

#

for breakfast i hadd muffin and string cheese

#

then in math we had a pre test :<

#

in history we wrote a letter to "ourselves in 9 months"

#

scary

#

i told alexis about kelsey in the field-

#

i hope she doesnt tell kelsey

#

for lunch i had corn and grapes :DD

#

i also sat with the same people as before

#

at chess, we finally got to play chess

#

5 people who knew how to play, (me) , and 5 who didnt

#

i got paired with yagoe, another quiet kid, so it worked and he slowly began learning how to play

#

we played a few rounds

#

then during art i worked on a puzzle pepieceice arartt peoject where i draw things or people i love on the piepiececespiepiececes..

#

yep

#

pieces

#

i madee omori and alex g and-

#

sunny

#

:3

#

aand then my sister was better at her locker so we were able to catch the bus

#

(i slept on the way back home)

#

aand now qm herehere

#

.. am here!!

#

i brought my art home with me so i can finish it before friday

#

fuck

#

i just realised i cant even work on it

#

because my colored pencils are in my backpack

#

in my locker

#

at school

#

,,

#

ok oh well

#

its ok

#

ill just do the sketches.

coral smelt Aug 10, 2023, 11:15 AM

#

i lied i didnt do the sketches

#

anyways

#

day 4!!

#

im ready already and its 5:15 am-

#

everyone else is still asleep :3

coral smelt Aug 11, 2023, 7:19 PM

#

ok .

#

i just finished my first week!!

#

tw : suicide || basil changed their name to sunny. sunny sent me a video on tiktok saying that they were going to kill themselves. they told me to tell our other friendsfriends.. help. i did that but sunny also said "nevermind im not gonna do it" i was relieved but then he said that they just needed sleep- that made me very worried because after that they wouldnt respond ||

#

|| all that night i was on pony town waiting to see if they would come online, until it was 9 pm and they wouldnt come. i went to sleep and woke up again at 1 am. i checked and they werent there. no notifications. i woekeworked.. d on my art project, got my stuff ready to change later for school, and ate some food. i tried to stay awake until 4 am but i also wanted to sleep, and at 6:30 am, my mom woke me up (10 minutes before the bus came) so i didnt have time to shower. but sunny still wasnt online and he gave me no notifications. ||

#

|| the rest of the day i pushed through my first school week. but i couldnt stop thinking of them. when i got home (10 minutes ago) , i checked and they were on pony town 2 hours ago, but i didnt get any notifications. i asked them if he was ok but he still hasnt responded. at least i know that they might be safe. ||

#

aand the reason its 1:30 pm and im back from school is because on fridays everyone gets out at 12:00

coral smelt Aug 12, 2023, 5:56 PM

#

also tw : self harm || it turns out that sunny cut themself and had to go to the hospital because of it ||

#

but they said that theyre ok now :DD

#

im so hungry, i feel like puking

coral smelt Aug 15, 2023, 11:12 PM

#

woo

coral smelt Aug 17, 2023, 12:44 AM

#

idk if me and kelsey are dating anymore

#

even if we were i dont want to

#

they keep hitting me-

#

but at least they use my correct pronouns and name

#

anyways i keep

#

t

#

m so

#

im so lost

#

today ms s gave us hot coco and cookies and fruit punch

#

and she had us do a "starbooks" (starbucks) themed thing where we go aeound rating booksbooks. .? books.

#

omfg

#

it was calming

#

and tasty

#

sunny sent me so many tiktoks

#

every day when i come home from school i have like 15 notifications from them

#

it makes me so happy

#

and they are doing better with eating and sleeping

#

tw : self harm || i relapsed ||

#

:3

#

every quater in ms s's class we have to do a book talk

#

talking about the book we read in under 4 minutes

#

and do a presentation

#

i dont even have the book yet.

#

its due in 7 weeks

coral smelt Aug 17, 2023, 1:26 AM

#

i am nervous because it will take away time to be online

#

maybe then sunny will think im boring

#

or something

#

idk

#

in classes i almost fall asleep even if i get like 7 hours of sleep that night

#

also one night i was attacked by ants

#

i fell asleep at 9 and woke up around 10 with ant bites on my arms and legs

#

i told my mom and she helped me get rid of the swelling

#

but by morning the bites were still there

#

so i have to go to school looking like i have acne on my arms.

#

i finished my art project

#

my art teacher ms holman said that she also likes south park

coral smelt Aug 21, 2023, 12:23 AM

#

oh yeah i also got my phone back

#

its so tiny and cute compared to a tablet :3

coral smelt Aug 22, 2023, 2:04 AM

#

i got my phone and tv back

#

things are going okay with sunny and they started school

#

their first day they said was ok, but they almost passed out

#

i know, i hope that sunny doesnt think im annoying but i want to take a 1 day break

#

where i dont talk to them that day or night

#

to see if they say anything about iut

#

it,

#

because they ignored me when i talked to them and said hi, even if they were talking with our other friends

#

but it will be okay

#

im talking to a counsler at school ,

#

idk her name tho

#

today was my 2nd time talking to her

#

i told her how i always comfort sunny

#

she said i should try comforting myself the same way

#

i can say somebody like sunny isnt annoying because its true and i like them

#

but for myself

#

no

#

so it will be hard

#

but i also just finished cleaning my room

#

im doing well with grades so far

#

4 are a's and the rest are not in yet

#

i think im feeling ok

#

besides not eating properly

#

i dont starve myself as much as i used to

#

today i had orange juice for breakfast

#

sweet fries grapes and chips for lunch

#

and baked beans for dinner

#

that isnt that bad

#

im trying to get a self care routine

#

i dont know how tho

#

kelsey is using my correct name and pronouns

#

alexis asked me and kelsey if we were still dating

#

kelsey was like : we dont talk about that !!

#

so im assuming they think we arent dating

#

which is good

#

i think

#

sunny introduced me to a girl named basil on tiktok

#

she goes live every day around after the time i get home from school so im able to go in lives with sunny

#

its really fun

#

now me and basil and a lot of other people in the live are mutuals like hero and mari and more irls and another basil and kel

#

it makes me so happy

#

because in the lives we either talk, read fanfics, or play omori together!!

#

its so

#

rahhh

#

i dont know how to say it

#

even if i have my phone back i think i still prefer using my tablet

#

it charges faster

#

dies slower

#

is faster

#

and its bigger

#

so i guess ill have my phone as a backup

#

m

#

my tablets at 75 percent

#

aand its 8:18 pm

#

i will sleep..

#

soon

coral smelt Aug 22, 2023, 12:45 PM

#

i couldnt do it

#

i cant ignore sunny

#

i would hurt his feelings

#

anyways week 3 day 2 of school

#

yayy

#

my mom keeps disrespecting my privacy

#

then asks me to knock

#

on her door

#

yells at me

#

asks me not to yell at her

#

never says please

#

asks me to say please to everyone

#

makes me cry

#

makes the biggest deal about it when we (rarely) make her cry

#

she doesnt care

#lee's journal1!1!1