📝｜proofreading

[glad charm]

Read more and analyse what you read

[granite trail]

hello people
here to ask for a little favour
if you could read this and give some feedback it would really be very helpful
its for an essay writing comp with a word limit of 700 but mine is 770

[pure hill]

what do you do?

[queen wedge]

Is there a criteria?

[granite trail]

im in high school

[granite trail]

not specifically

[granite trail]

its comp organized by an outside organization which is environment oriented and my school has participated and I was chosen to represent mine

[queen wedge]

What about expectations?

[granite trail]

the essay should be solution oriented

[queen wedge]

Is that it?

Sorry wow that’s a very vague single criterion but I’ll look at it !!

[queen wedge]

Are you looking more for feedback on the content, grammar, something else?

[granite trail]

yes its not a very high level comp just school level

[granite trail]

thankuu

[granite trail]

everything that you can help with would be welcomed

[queen wedge]

Okay ty!

[queen wedge]

I read the document. You are a great writer! I learnt a lot about Bahar, and the different solutions being used there to fight climate issues. There was a lot of descriptive writing, and I loved that. Your use of literary techniques to be persuasive is evidently strong!

There are a few changes with grammar needed, however.

Same with some stylistic changes, but they do not necessarily need fixing.

Let me quote them!

[granite trail]

thankuu so much for sparing your time to read it and i got the kind of review i was looking for detailed and to the point

[granite trail]

yea sure please

[queen wedge]

Sorry! I'll make sure to do that.

[granite trail]

alright i will look to it

[granite trail]

u already did thanku

[granite trail]

ohk

[granite trail]

and if u dont mind its Bihar a state in India

[queen wedge]

Thank you! I searched it up. :)

[granite trail]

nice its really historic this place

heart for many things

you are really putting a lot of effort to get my essay right i really appreciate that thanks a ton

[queen wedge]

I like the use of “our mother nature,” in the first paragraph but I would use “mother nature” because it reads better to me.

If you're trying to emphasise the fact that our awareness reminds us of not just the environment, but more importantly, human integrity, (that's my guess because of your use of “even human integrity”), this is what I'd change it to:

“All these are not mere questions**,** but a reminder of the rapidly rising concern for the environment**,** and greater**,** human integrity.” Alternatively, you could just do “for the environment and human integrity.”

What do you mean by "it?" Solution to what? You should be more specific. Your writing style is punctuated with descriptivism, and so could you consider being more persuasive in your wording here: "have a stable solution."

“To get past these worrying questions**,** and have a stable solution for it**,** there is a growing demand for eco-centric development in a world plagued by pollution, deforestation, and climate change.”

I like the use of alliteration and imagery, "plagued by pollution," but I am finding a lack of coherent equalness between pollution, deforestation, and climate change. You have two smaller problems, pollution and deforestation, and then a huge problem, climate change! Staying in the context of your writing, are those are the "its" that need solution which you were referring to earlier?

The planet is still abuzz with life, but one understands what point you're trying to make across, but I feel like the hyperbolisation is too great here: “Once abuzz with life, our planet now suffers from human carelessness and greed.” Moreover, one would expect that you would be juxtaposing against the "abuzz[ment] with life," by saying that the planet suffers from the opposite of that. Maybe tie in a natural theme?

“The cries of nature are becoming increasingly loud every day**:** from dying forests to rising temperatures.”

I get the imagery, but I don't see how rising temperatures match with the imagery of the "cries of nature."

I also want to say, I see your first two paragraphs as being one coherent paragraph rather than two separate ones. Since you say "[t]o get past these worrying questions and have a stable solution," you're basically alluding to your previous paragraph, which would make one think it should belong with the previous paragraph. Not necessary, though.

Also, this sentence: "But there is hope in our traditions—in the trees we treasure, the animals we revere, and the rivers we worship," it looks like your thesis? It's a very good thesis, but I would be careful with being too flowery with your language here. You want to be convincing but also clear. Consider referring back to the solutions you were discussing earlier (if you need help with making a clearer thesis, I don't mind).

You have a very great transition between the second and third paragraph.

"Bihar, an expanse of extravagant culture and ancient traditions, is slowly deteriorating its natural." Good, but consider being more referral to the essay's theme: solutions. Perhaps: "Bihar, an expanse of extravagant culture and ancient traditions which held crusades against climate change, is slowly deteriorating its natural."
cultural, and spiritual legacy. " If you get what I'm trying to say? Sorry.

"Age-old sustainable practices**,** like conserving sacred groves,
worshiping rivers, and honoring nature through rituals are rashly neglected in the rush of modernization. Rivers**,** like the Ganga and Punpun**,** are choking with waste, and heritage forests**, such as the** Valmiki Tiger Reserve are under constant threat."

"To get a hold of these worrying problems**,** the Bihar Government has taken several steps over the years which have turned out to be immensely helpful**,**along with other unexplored ways."

You have a word count. Be concise and choose a shorter transition phrase than: "To start with."

Okay, this is a bit weird but I find it a bit difficult to see what issues you're trying to find solutions for. Are you looking at how traditional solutions can help fix climate issues? If you are, which ones? In your fourth paragraph, you're talking about biodiversity, but earlier, you looked at deforestation, pollution, etc. Are you looking at the decline of these traditions? It is a bit unclear.

"Clearly, the foremost problem is maintaining biodiversity**,** which is very essential for ecosystems, providing clean air, water, and food. But today**,** Bihar faces biodiversity loss due to agricultural expansion, illegal hunting, and rapid urbanization. Solutions to these include strengthening protected areas, like the Valmiki Tiger Reserve, and developing eco-parks."

This sentence feels redundant to me: "The Earth Heroes Award given by Valmiki Reserve honours efficient conservation, resilient surveillance, and eco-tourism that maintains endangered species." You could look at it more broadly (just the fact the state is incentivising conservation), or remove it to deal with the word count. Also, good use of the rule of three! It's important, and there are other parts where you could've and should've probably used it.

"The next adversity is on Bihar's flood**-prone rural areas,** which are severely affected due to climate shifts."

For flow: "This step not only gives a stable solution**,** but also builds a foundation for rural communities to thrive and inspire the philosophy of climate justice."

Use a transition word at the start of this sentence: "Urbanization in Bihar has led to rapid increase in waste generation from houses to factories, corporate firms etc." If you want to keep it how you had it, stick to the rule of three: "houses, factories, and corporate firms," or, "houses, factories, etc."

You begin a lot of sentences in your essay with "to." It's good but don't do it too often; it makes your writing feel more repetitive and weak.

"To solve this problem**,** the promotion of zero-waste initiatives should be encouraged for recycling and composting the waste." Do you mean, "such as recycling and composting of waste"? Is it necessary to say "for recycling and composting of waste?" It feels self-evident that such initiatives would be related to that...just trying to battle your word count!

[granite trail]

i felt that too but then ended with our mother nature ill change it

yes your guess is right i did mean to emphasise on the human integrity part ill change it too

i used the word "it" to adhere to the word limit as it was wildly exceeding so I had to trim things out which included this as well but i did sorta cover it later and I wanted to let the intro be a little more curious as to what kind of problems are there

yes the same "its" and the thing about small and big problems ill make it mild

ill change the abuzz thing thanku

“The cries of nature are becoming increasingly loud every day: from dying forests to rising temperatures.” i wrote this when i was sleepy didnt really think of it will change it too but i must have thought of something while i wrote it but cant recall will tell you when i get it back

ok will join the two paras

about the thesis thing its not a thesis but its a real thing that is done here people do worship rivers there is a festival dedicated to it called Chatth puja (primarily for the Sun God but the rivers are a crucial part too) then again trees are worshiped too and cows as well

yes i get what you are saying will make this change thanku

okay this will help me cut some words out thanku for highlighting it

the answer to this weirdness is that i tried to create a blend but looks like I kinda failed since u couldnt understand and also i didnt plan too much to write this essay that is also why im in need of reviews as im short on time

really your insights are just way tooo good you really taught me a lot about writing and how much intricate it could get

[granite trail]

ill add it in

alright will probably remove it and thanku but to be honest with you i really didnt know that there was a thing as such the rule of three i have been using this for long because it looked good to me 😅

ok will add this in as well

ok will turn it into the rule of three as u suggested

yeah i figured this problem when i was editing the essay its makes it monotonous

i dont like this word battle but surely i will change it yet again

[queen wedge]

Sorry, you should write "recycling and composting" for balance. It sounds better!

My revision:
"To solve this problem, the promotion of zero-waste initiatives should be encouraged, such as recycling and composting**;** the Patna Municipal Corporation took a major step by starting door to door waste collection with garbage vans, and banned plastic bags below 50 microns as well."

Just as a note, try to have brevity. For example, you didn't need to specify that the garbage vans are "roaming the streets." You're great at being detailed, but you have a word count, and moreover, it is redundant information.

Could you use more specific language than "citizens." You're focusing on Bihar, not India. Similarly, with what I mentioned earlier, try to avoid beginning with "to:" "To make this initiative successful, active participation from the citizens is highly needed**,** which in turn will make the state cleaner and greener." I adore the balance you incorporated here, and herewith,

Word count! You don't need to say "the next thing" (use a transition word or phrase): "The next thing that is to be discussed is not just a problem**,** but deterioration of cultural beliefs and age-old traditions that are meant for preservation."

Your use of "not just a problem" makes the reader think you're going to talk about something significant. With regards to keeping the reader happy and aligning with that expectation because of your word choice. Thus, maybe: "The next thing that is to be discussed is not just a problem**,** but the very collapsing of cultural beliefs and age-old traditions that are meant for preservation." I switched "deterioration" to "collapsing." There are other words, too, which emphasise that this is "not just a problem; it is something way more," such as "dilapidation."

[granite trail]

u are a real life saver thankuu

[queen wedge]

"To overcome this problem**,** old traditions should be rekindled and
eco-conscious methods should be used to celebrate festivals. [For example,] Chhath Puja in Bihar reflects deep respect for nature by offering prayers to the Sun God. Recently**,** many campaigns have encouraged the use of organic ways to perform rituals**,** and have also taken the initiative to clean the ghats post-festival."

Try to use more powerful transition words: "Evidently, showing how ancient traditions can be adapted to support modern environmental needs."

After presenting a few**, yet core,** problems of the state of Bihar**,** the most subtle solution for its citizens is to adhere to eco-centric development and eco-conscious methods to interact with the nature to keep everything in balance. Along with the initiatives taken by the government**,** the citizens are the key to a greener and cleaner state." Bihar is a state, and if you're focusing on it, I don't believe you'd refer to its people as "citizens." Love the nature theme and balance here with "greener and cleaner." :)

[glad charm]

The Governor saves us all

[granite trail]

okay this word count will kill me :]

i am not used to writing long essays so this repetition thing is really evident i will fix it and will put in transition words as well

ok look for suiting synonyms ill change to what you suggested

[granite trail]

find transition words on top of the list

replace the word citizens and i am happy that u like the balance

[granite trail]

this person seems legendary to me just so good with the details and correction thankuu @queen wedge

[queen wedge]

It is evident that your style has changed at the end; it's become very conclusive, and you returned to that descriptive style. Great use of alliteration, the rule of three, imagery, consonance, assonance, and other literary techniques. I love it. If I might warn, though, if this is an academic essay, there are certain expectations. Namely, you need to mention your thesis again in your conclusion (your main argument, plus reasons, in one sentence). Try to include one or two more specific points that you made earlier in your conclusion. Moreover, you want to punctuate the essay's criterion: solutions.

For it is not only laws or plans that bring back the world, but the quiet decisions made by many hands and hearts daily. Real growth is measured not by lofty buildings or busy highways, but by the serenity of our rivers, the lushness of our land, and the melody of the breezes through the woods. When citizens work in sync with nature, they not solely establish a better state, but also continue the legacy of peace, faith, and life itself.

Lastly, if you could consider the perspective I have on your essay as a whole! You really are a maelstrom machine when it comes to descriptive writing (like wth); you've mastered literary techniques, which are crucial in both academic and persuasive writing! Do consider reviewing the format of an essay, though. You want to have a clear argument and main points. As a check, ask yourself "what am I trying to argue?" and then, "what evidence do I have of that in my writing?" (By the way, you have a lot). Likewise, you can ask these questions for the general format of the essay. Do you have a thesis in your introduction? Is it repeated in your conclusion? Is each paragraph focused on a reason, which is followed by evidence?

Sorry, this is a bit mean, but since this is an essay, don't centre your body text, but make sure to indent each paragraph. I'd also consider using a more formal font (Times New Roman? 😛).

If anything, above all else, balance your gift of technical rhetoric with academic might.

[queen wedge]

I looked at the pictures its prettyy

gorgeous oml

[granite trail]

okayyy ill keep all these points in mind when i edit it again ill have to make a good long list
ill indent each paragraph and change the font all the same 😂

[queen wedge]

Thank you so much! 🫶🏻

Nothing I say is authoritative (obviously!) but I am happy I was able to help! If you need more specific advice, or want help w crafting specific sentences or arguments or whatever i dont mind! (btw the rule of three you did it naturally because it sounds and looks good...thats why we do it, and all your other literary techniques) Ur funny tho. sleep is important for writing remember! 😭

[queen wedge]

GOOD LUCK!!! i absolutely hate word counts

[granite trail]

what you say is very important to me as you are really the first person who has been this intricate with correction details thanks again
and i will surely ask for help if i need it
thanku though humour is not my best strength and i will take a good sleep before i edit it

[granite trail]

THANKUU and same

btww whats your name

[queen wedge]

the governor

but opps will call me brooke 💔

[granite trail]

Real name?

[queen wedge]

I told youuuu

[elfin wind]

could anyone proof read my essay?

[glad charm]

sned your essay

[elfin wind]

alr

Ill quickly finish my essay, its not completed yet

then ill send it

[glad charm]

alrighty

[queen wedge]

is it an academic essay?

[glad charm]

hmm

[elfin wind]

yep

@glad charm @queen wedge do you know what this is saying?

[queen wedge]

Do you have the criteria sheet

[queen wedge]

Its just like a persuasive essay. (im not sure what ur writing abt) provide a primary thesis or argument, and then give reasons that is backed by evidence.

[glad charm]

1. Look into the given subject matter.
2. Locate main points of contention that are debated
3. Debate them and provide an argument for or against one of the sides
4. Write up a conclusion

That's how I'm understanding this

[queen wedge]

Im not sure what the rest means bc id need to contextualise it into the type of essay ur writing & what the criteria is

[glad charm]

The Governor is much better at this than I am. I'm generally no good in this channel outside of reading over stuff for grammar and punctuation

[elfin wind]

do you want me to send my essay question?

[queen wedge]

Aw thats sweet thank uuu 🫶🏻

[queen wedge]

Sure! The criteria, too, if possible. Thanks!

[elfin wind]

So i have to show both sides?

[elfin wind]

ofcourse

[queen wedge]

Whats the question

What are you trying to write an essay on?

[queen wedge]

OHHH I see

[elfin wind]

orange - task word
blue - content words
green - limiting words

( feel free to correct me )

[elfin wind]

that should be fine i guess, ill send you my draft when im done?

[queen wedge]

Okay!! Tysm.

[queen wedge]

are you expected to cite & is there a style guide you're meant to follow?

[elfin wind]

harvard

[queen wedge]

usually thats just for referencing i think. like they want harvard for the entire essay?

[glad charm]

sure thing

[queen wedge]

tbh i wouldve guessed MLA

but anyways, when i proofread i dont rlly focus on grammar or spelling as much bc that should be obviously be natural, if anything, so rather the content of an essay

Srry I fear might have to go to bed but if youre going to send it im sure somebody will proof it!

[elfin wind]

perfect

[granite trail]

Oh ok queen

[queen wedge]

Okay!! Word counts are literally evil

Word counts make you so prudent

[queen wedge]

Whoa

What an exciting topic

[summer sparrow]

Looks good. But this is more of an academic "article" than a "research paper"

[sweet notch]

guys i have a research paper and i’m abt to tweak 😔😔😔

im having sm trouble opening and closing

and i feel one of my main points is weak. but i can’t fix it

[queen wedge]

If udm I’d love to help!!

[sweet notch]

thanks! is it okay if i dm you?

[queen wedge]

Me! If you’d like!

[elfin wind]

To confront political oppressions, the public is repurposing digital technologies to confront political oppressions. Instead of the public primarily focusing on their personal and entertainment needs, they are utilising their devices to capture police brutality and other sorts of misconduct from authorities. The features on their devices such as live streaming and taking images of misconduct have granted them an opportunity to expose through social platforms to make authoritarian regimes accountable and raise international awareness. For instance, whilst images and text have different understanding potential, when they are used in conjunction with, it can spread information drastically and change views of the public, leading to a strong change in social issue, such as social injustice. (Picarella 2023, p.164, cited in Memou 2013; Olesen 2015). This suggests that with the combination of convincing images and textual expressions, they can have a better impact on societal issues (such as police brutality) as they will be intense, difficult to ignore and compelling. Additionally, social media platforms are not soley used for entertainment purposes, rather it is a site where the citizens are able to send their freedom of expression and challenge dominant authorities. Thus, this demonstrates that when digital technology is utilised logically, it will be a powerful tool to convince social change and resist political powers.

could someone proof read/comment on it?

this is my first body

[heady nova]

1. Repetition Removed / Sentence Restructuring
   • Original: “To confront political oppressions, the public is repurposing digital technologies to confront political oppressions.”
   • Revised: “To challenge political oppression, the public is increasingly repurposing digital technologies for activism and accountability.”
   • Why: Removed repetition, used varied vocabulary, and added specificity with “activism and accountability.”

2. Clarity and Grammar
   • Original: “Instead of the public primarily focusing on their personal and entertainment needs, they are utilising their devices…”
   • Revised: “Rather than using their devices solely for personal or entertainment purposes, individuals are now leveraging them…”
   • Why: More concise and natural phrasing. Replaced “the public” with “individuals” for clarity and variation.
   • Original: “through social platforms to make authoritarian regimes accountable…”
   • Revised: “on social media platforms, holding authoritarian regimes accountable…”
   • Why: Improved grammar and sentence flow.

3. Improved Academic Tone
   • Original: “when they are used in conjunction with, it can spread information drastically…”
   • Revised: “their combined use can significantly amplify impact and shape public opinion…”
   • Why: Fixed grammatical issue, formalized tone, and improved precision.

4. Strengthening Arguments
   • Original: “when digital technology is utilised logically, it will be a powerful tool to convince social change…”
   • Revised: “when digital technologies are employed strategically, they become potent tools for promoting social change…”
   • Why: Replaced vague and awkward phrasing with more effective and accurate terms.

5. Word Choice & Flow
   • Simplified phrases like “sorts of misconduct” → “forms of misconduct” and “send their freedom of expression” → “voice dissent” for smoother, more natural expression.

[torn sentinel]

Hello everyone 🤗
I'm not sure how to ask about help on this channel, but I'll try to say it my way
I wrote a short story – a fairy tale – and I'm sure it should be checked for grammar or not only.
Could I ask someone to look at it?

• Title: The Three Daughters of the Witch
• It's written in a vibe of old fairy tales (at least I tried to). Has no dialogues.
The story is about three girls with special gifts, and theirs simple journey to find a place for themselves.
• It's not a complicated story. 3 pages of Word standard format.

If someone would like to have a look, how should I share it?
Paste here a PDF format?
I'll be grateful for help

[heady nova]

Send it me

[queen wedge]

ai

[queen wedge]

I love short stories SO MUCH

I’d love to see

[torn sentinel]

I'll leave PDF here, if I may:

Oh, I can't 🫢

I'm not sure if it will work but here is a link to PDF:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1XNIy51qbc0tD-WsmwWerZrGVtKYOsmup/view?usp=sharing

@heady nova @queen wedge

I hope it will be nice to read. 💙

[queen wedge]

Thanks so much! I’ll read it in a bit

[queen wedge]

Thanks for sharing ❤️

What kind of feedback are you looking for?

[torn sentinel]

Oh, grammary mostly. But I'm open for to any feedback.
If you'll find time to say a word or two if the story is interesting, I'll be grateful.

Sometimes you will find repetition – but it also is a type of writing in an old style of stories.
But**,** yeah... sometimes I could make a mistake. I'm sorry for that.

I could sometimes use the wrong word (with a different meaning that I thought it is was). Please, point it out 🙏 .

I tried to check grammar using Google Translator and later LanguageTool so it's not a first draft.

[heady nova]

@torn sentinel u can use site called (quillbot) to help u to correct ur grammar

[torn sentinel]

I copied my text above to this app, and it found 8 mistakes. 😄

I cleaned my text to show what it pointed to.

Do you know "LanguageTool" ?

[atomic sand]

@queen wedge hello

Actually I want to discuss my thesis topic

Anyone?

[queen wedge]

Language tool is really great!

In my opinion it’s better than grammarly

I’m so sorry I haven’t looked gave feedback yet I’ve been so busy because I have exams

I read it tho! I promise to help u as soon as possible

[queen wedge]

I was in school & if it’s help with your thesis I don’t mind!

[torn sentinel]

Thank you very much - no worry at all. 🙂

And good luck with the exames!💪 🤞

[scarlet wren]

You can use graffiti or essay graders for evaluation
Search abt them

[atomic sand]

How can we select our topic

[buoyant yoke]

I have a pros that I would love someone to look at. Is this where I would post it? I could use an extra set of eyes to proofread it and let me know where I'm failing. Please let me know if I posted it in the wrong room and I'll remove it.
.

"HEROIAM SLAVA"

I was standing in the center of an old-fashioned tube television, its screen at my feet, the image flickering with black and white static. A simple wooden table stood before me, a cutting board resting atop it. Clad in a plain, clean dress, reminiscent of a bygone era, my neck was bare. I had no pearls to complete the ensemble, which was fine by me because I'd rather have none than put on fake ones. And my hair was tied back in a basic ponytail to keep it out of my face. I felt a strange sense of detachment from my surroundings, as if I couldn't even make this distorted funhouse a home. My body, weary from life's relentless battles, slouched in exhaustion. I rubbed my temples in a futile attempt to release some tension, then looked down at my cutting board, preparing a simple meal. I glanced at the carrots, momentarily startled as for a fleeting moment they seemed to wither and then miraculously revived.

In the background, the haunting melody of "Careful What You Wish For" played softly. Simultaneously, I was engaged in a heated voice chat on my phone. Several people were listening in, a few voices droned on, but two voices dominated: one bored and dismissive, the other angry and entitled. They were in agreement about a harmful course: cutting aid to a seemingly insignificant nation being invaded by a tyrannical larger nation. Their reasoning was simple: "It's not our circus, not our monkeys." But I knew better. I understood the far reaching consequences such a decision would have for our own nation, halfway across the globe.

.

I had valuable information to share, gleaned from tireless research. However, I struggled to translate my files of knowledge into coherent words. My voice, anxious and desperate, tried to interject, to share the truth as I knew it. But my anxiety sabotaged my efforts, and my voice was drowned out by their confident, ignorant assertions and false claims. They spoke over me, dismissing my concerns and reinforcing their distorted worldview. Frustrated, I returned to my task, chopping the vegetables with renewed vigor. As I worked, the television screen beneath me began to flicker, displaying a disturbing montage of propaganda and misinformation. Suddenly, the carrots in my hands began to bleed, a dark, viscous liquid staining my flesh and my clean dress. The once vibrant vegetables, symbols of life and nourishment, were now corrupted by the violence and suffering of the world. A wave of despair washed over me as I realized the extent of the corruption and deceit that had infiltrated the world. As I shook my head in disbelief, I suddenly heard the haunted wails of Mother Nature, desperately screeching in despair to the heavens, begging for justice for the loss of countless innocent children’s lives and declaring vengeance on a callous "humanity".

.

I snapped awake, falling out of my covers, desperately trying to reclaim my breath. A cold sweat beaded on my brow. Shivering, I pulled on a soft bathrobe to ward off the morning chill. I padded barefoot to the kitchen, a sense of dread settling over me. I turned on the coffee pot, its gurgling a familiar sound in the quiet morning. As the dark liquid brewed, I reached for my phone, its blue light cutting through the dim kitchen. Instead of spending my Sunday morning reading my friend’s message about the week’s sermon, I switched my screen to a search engine and began scrolling through the latest news on the bloody conflict I had been dreaming about. A wave of despair washed over me as I delved into the endless stream of online content, the bleak and disturbing reality of the planet laid bare on my screen.

As I stood there, lost in the digital abyss, I glanced down at my finger. A small cut from the night before had reopened, a crimson droplet forming at its edge. I put pressure on the wound to stop the bleeding and contemplated going into the garden to pick some fresh carrots. A shiver ran down my spine as I realized that, mirroring the chaos and pain of the outside world, my own body was betraying me. But I couldn’t live in a world where victims were victimized and tyranny was allowed to exist. All I had was my voice, a feeble and broken weapon against an overwhelming noise of indifference, and I wasn’t even good at using it. But I had to keep trying.

SLAVA UKRAINI!!!!!!!

[tired phoenix]

why are you getting political with the "Slave Ukrani" stuff?

[buoyant yoke]

Is that a problem? It was what I was writing about and it's what I needed proof read.

I was pretty sure the pen was mightier than the sword and people wrote about issues that they find concerning. What do you write about?

Butterflies and unicorns?

[tired phoenix]

Theres no problem xd im just asking if you are getting political and why and such.

[tired phoenix]

i write about people i like watching, lets say a boy and a girl just doing their thing,

[buoyant yoke]

I care about what's going on in the Ukraine because I believe in standing up against tyranny. I also believe in protecting innocent lives. I'm not fond when a children's cancer hospital with no combatants inside intentionally gets bombed by a guided missile. And I don't like when they have human safaris and they're going around targeting civilians with drones

I don't like it when civilians get tied up with their hands behind their backs. And then shot execution style and buried in a mass Graves.

[tired phoenix]

you should become a soldier and volontarily fight for their country

[buoyant yoke]

That's cool. People watching is a great way to practice empathy and try to understand other people's perspectives. It's a good way to learn how to develop characters for future stories.

[buoyant yoke]

I'm a 40 year old American woman with epilepsy and a bad hip. Using my words is doing something. I might not be able to put my life on the line but I can put my words and my integrity on the line.

[tired phoenix]

well i wouldnt exactly say thats what im writing about, i write about.... well i dont wanna make this innapropriate, but i write about boys and girls performing the acts of loving one another

[buoyant yoke]

Were you planning on proof reading my pros? I don't think we should be flooding this chat with idle chatter. Believe it or not I was looking for someone to proofread.

I wasn't looking for someone to tell me to go join a war.

[tired phoenix]

alright i gotchu, i aint arguing just so you know, just was looking for conversation

[tired phoenix]

my bad if i hurt your feelings im just looking to talk about my books, and idk how to start a conversation, so i decided to do this

[buoyant yoke]

Well to start with you might want to go into the room where people are having casual conversations. There's a general chat. This room was set aside with a specific topic. Proofreading other people's writing.

[tired phoenix]

What is proofreading i thought this was where u could talk about your literature

[buoyant yoke]

It's where people go and read your "proof" and help you iron out any flaws in your writing so you can polish it up and create a final draft.

[tired phoenix]

ohh yeah ive heard about that, Anthony Fantano talks about it alot

[glad charm]

You buried it with senseless politics. This channel is merely for reading what is sent and fixing any mistakes in the text and critiquing it. You should look upon the texts with impartiality. If you wish to discuss such topic again I direct you to #🧠｜serious-chat.

[sick arrow]

I am here to find someone who pro in English to help me finish a writing to the editor, two main paragraph, see anyone can help me, I suck on English

[dusty tulip]

Sure dw about it.

[buoyant yoke]

I'm an English native speaker. I'm not an English major but I can take a look if you need another set of eyes.

[crude radish]

Good evening to all of you. I was wondering if I could get some help with this text that I was working on. I want to know if this is a good text for an academic report, evaluating ChatGPT's performance.
Any help will be greatly appreciated, as well as feedback and suggestions if applicable. Thank you!

ChatGPT’s efficacy in enhancing writing quality: a report

This report aims to evaluate the effectiveness of utilising ChatGPT for improving writing, focusing on grammar, vocabulary and text structure. In this instance, our previously written news report will be used as an example.

Achievements
Regarding grammar, AI offers precise advice on complex structures and the use of passive voice. The sentences were corrected through comprehensible phrases that improved the flow of the original content.

In terms of vocabulary, a formal register is present throughout the text. The language model accurately surveyed which expressions elevated the register of the article.

The text structure was refined by the AI’s evaluation. It also made some practical suggestions on text cohesion, and compared it to a news report standard successfully.

This digital assistant completed its assignment by detailing appropriate and relevant feedback on our writing.

Problems
We have found ChatGPT's suggestions included insightful and precise corrections regarding awkward phrasing. Examples given include ‘by quite a handful’ to ‘by a number of’; ‘sacked’ to ‘looted’; and ‘turned out to be’ to ‘proved’.

Nevertheless, other examples were not as accurate. One of them was replacing ‘the aforementioned’ with ‘Newell’s Old Boys’, whilst overlooking the fact that we had already used the name, therefore making it repetitive and stylistically disruptive.

Conclusion
The chatbot demonstrated reliability as a language assistant by providing constructive feedback on crucial points such as the coherence of the text.
It does not fixate on the mistakes that were made; instead, it suggests new ways of improving the piece.
In future compositions, it is likely to offer valuable suggestions through scrutinising key aspects such as the implementation of grammar structures and concise vocabulary, thus making it a beneficial asset.

[storm lantern]

You are laughing and we get black prof snape which btw looks 20, should be at liest 50 by the books

And white\

Perhaps I may put my dck into Didney+, it would grow ten sizes. I have to Buy new pants

[atomic sand]

Can anyone proofread my research proposal?

[graceful rivet]

Hello! I'm just looking for someone who’d be up for helping me check the grammar of an annotation I wrote. I’d really appreciate it — it’s about two pages long...

[queen wedge]

I would love to check!

[elfin coral]

Hi , my level is A2 and I Have problem withe the some vowel Sounds How can I speak with other pepele corectly ?

[glacial spear]

just practice more and more

[graceful rivet]

Thanks! I’ll send it now.

Abstract:

The aim of the practical work was to create an online anatomy course for students of Kohtla-Järve Gymnasium. The main objective was to foster interest in medicine among high school students and to provide them with basic knowledge about the structure of the human body using modern educational methods, including interactive and visual approaches. The project consisted of two parts — theoretical and practical — which were closely interconnected and complemented each other.

The theoretical part involved studying anatomy as a scientific discipline, its development throughout history, and its significance in modern medicine. Special attention was paid to the role of anatomical knowledge in the contemporary world, particularly how it contributes to making accurate diagnoses and prescribing the correct treatments. This part also included an overview of five major human body systems: the musculoskeletal, respiratory, digestive, circulatory, and nervous systems. Each system was examined in terms of its structure, functions, and interactions with other bodily systems. Additionally, a list of key anatomical terms corresponding to the course topics was compiled to help systematize and deepen the studied material.

The practical part focused on developing a complete electronic course accessible to gymnasium students. Particular attention was paid to the logical sequence and clarity of the course structure, as well as to ease of use. All sections of the course were designed to make information more accessible and to ensure a systematic learning process. Each thematic module included theoretical content presented in the form of an illustrated textbook, along with self-assessment tests and interactive activities.

An important component of the course was the inclusion of visual and interactive materials — presentations, images, videos, 3D models, and games. These elements were chosen to enhance the visual appeal of the content and facilitate better retention of information. As a result, the course proved to be accessible and engaging for students with different learning styles. All course materials were based on verified scientific sources, ensuring high quality and accuracy of the information provided.

The course was hosted on the Moodle educational platform and made freely accessible after registration. During the learning process, students could choose their own pace, track their progress, and retake tests on topics they found challenging. This helped promote independence and responsibility in learning.

As part of the project, feedback was collected from participants to evaluate the course's effectiveness and identify areas for improvement. Most students gave positive feedback, noting the clear structure, engaging content, and strong visual components. The most popular topics were "The Skeleton" and "The Heart and Circulatory System," likely due to their detailed presentations and abundance of images from anatomical atlases. However, the topic "Organs" was found to be more difficult by some students, suggesting that it may require improvement in future revisions.

The overall evaluation of the course confirmed its effectiveness and relevance. Although not all participants were able to complete the course within the designated time, the majority expressed a desire to continue learning and deepen their knowledge. Future plans include supplementing the course with additional materials such as educational games, thoroughly checking for any errors, and involving more educators to further improve the accuracy and quality of the content.

In conclusion, the set goals were fully achieved. The online course proved to be not only a valuable educational tool but also an important step in promoting interest in medicine among high school students. It demonstrated that modern technologies can effectively support the learning process, make it more engaging and accessible, and cultivate long-term interest in science-related subjects.

There’s quite a lot of text. Honestly, I would have written less, but that’s what’s required. It’s for my practical work... :)

[queen wedge]

I read it! It’s great. There are no grammar errors!

[queen wedge]

Good luck. You’re a great writer.

[queen wedge]

i don’t mind proofreading it if it’s the grammar, structure, or language side of the proposal!

[queen wedge]

Hi. Sorry for taking so long to proofread your work! Here is a .pdf with my edits. Like you had asked, I only made changes to grammar. Although, I made changes to your clarity where I considered essential.

I really enjoyed your short story! :) You are a great fantasy writer. In particular, I enjoyed your acerbic style that still has that descriptive flare to it. Your forthright style, along with the fact that you have a clear tone, mood, and enjoyable plot is amazing. It was so wholesome reading your short story because I haven't read one in forever, and moreover, haven't written one in ages. I loved the theme of your short story, too.

You have a great grasp on grammar, but I noticed issues here and there with tenses. I suggest reviewing your tenses. However, with your level of writing, you can do so much! I noticed you used a few literary devices; you should try to incorporate a lot more literary devices and techniques into your writing. It will improve your descriptive writing a lot. It's a cliche, but...show, not tell! That can be achieved through employing literary devices and techniques (but obviously not so much so as to enslave the reader's imagination). Often, naturally, as you write more, you will use them more. They self-evidence their effectiveness. I think this is very important because descriptive writing, with technique, will give voice to your writing, allow you to express yourself better, and ameliorate the reader's imagination! :)

Language is powerful and purposeful, so you should be as well with your writing. Literary devices & techniques have different effects, especially in creative writing; you will surely feel them! Here are some examples of literary techniques.

Diction, word choice
I hate you v. I dislike you

Simile, comparison using "like" or "as"
...the sulken scent of blood; ah, yes, that distinct smell, alike to metal.

Consonance, repetition of consonance sounds (read it out loud!)
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed upon the world

Alliteration, a similar sound is repeated at the beginning of nearby words
And the silken, sad, uncertain rustling of each purple curtain…

Metaphor, comparison without using "like" or "as"
Time is a thief!

Personification, human qualities to nonhuman things
The fog enslaved our eyes

etc. you get the point

[queen wedge]

Hi:

Gosh...I love your style. I found a few grammar errors.

Where you write, "[c]lad in a plain, clean dress, reminiscent of a bygone era, my neck was bare," are you metaphorically talking about your neck not having a dress?

When I read, "[a]nd my hair was tied back..." I can feel the distinction that came through your use of and. Was that purposeful? I would've probably used the semicolon there, but not using it definitely has a staunchly different effect.

Why did you say "as if I couldn't even make this distorted funhouse a home."? For balance, I would've wrote "my home." I find it interesting because your narrative style before emphasised possession (i.e., a lot of "I, my, etc."), so I found the change interesting.

"far**-**reaching consequences"

I find your use of parallelism here interesting, as well: "my flesh and my clean dress." Clearly, to me, your inclusion of "my" punctuates that individualism, which seems to be a theme in your writing, and the use of "clean" is a dichotomy to the abhorrent nature of the liquid. However, I feel like I would've written "my flesh and my dry/decent dress." The alliteration softens the punctuality of your writing while emphasising the parallelism of it, while still allowing for that contrast.

Sometimes I feel like it was difficult to understand what was exactly happening, or it felt a bit rushed, but that might just be me because your second paragraph suddenly became very trenchant. Maybe it is intentional? I am actually curious, though, what's the symbolism behind the carrot? Is there something special about carrots? You make it clear here why you included them, "... once vibrant vegetables, symbols of life and nourishment," but I think you should describe that symbolism, rather than being so direct. Furthermore, maybe specify the "disturbing montage of propaganda and misinformation."

You are so good at descriptive writing though...wth. You've inspired me. But if anything, your writing has shown me that in our thinking heads and honest hearts we like to dream what the world ought to have, ought to be, and ought to act, but truly, it is not how the world really is.

[graceful rivet]

Thank you very much!

[torn sentinel]

😍 THANK YOU! Thank you soooo, sooo much, for your kind words and for your time 🙏 You did soo much for me, I'm so grateful 💕
I'm happy you like the story 🙂
I'll keep working on my writing 🙂
This story was written from the beginning in English, but I have other I wrote at first in my native language and I translated it to English. Maybe there is more of those literary techniques you mention 🙂

Thank you 🫶

[queen wedge]

Good luck! :) 🫶🏻

[torn sentinel]

May I show another one?
Is much shorter – just half of the page (regular Word format A4).

I'm creating the book named: "101 Short Fairy Tales".
One of them is already translated and this one I wish to show.
Title: "Proud Deer"

This anthology is inspired by the old vibe of Grimm Brothers, J. Ch. Andersen, Charles Perrault stories.

[queen wedge]

Yeah of course!

I would love to see anything you would be willing to share

I love your writing

Especially because it’s fantasy

[queen wedge]

I’m familiar w the Grimm Brothers and Hans Christian Andersen but whos Charles Perrault?

[heady nova]

I wrote an essay on olymtrade scam and wealth redistribution through stock from my perspective. What do you guys think.

[atomic sand]

Yes,I will share it tomorrow. I am grateful for your kind response.

[atomic sand]

What we are supposed to write in limitations and delimitations

[torn sentinel]

Charles Perrault was a French writer who wrote before Grimm Brothers.
"Little Red Riding Hood", " Sleeping Beauty", "Donkey Skin", "Puss in Boots" and more are his fairy tales 🙂
He was the one of the writers who start writing tales not gentle with moral, but more grim.

I recommend you to read "Donkey Skin" 🙂 one of my favorites.

_
_
And here is my 1 of 101 short stories:
"Proud Deer"
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1X5JZKuv5CqyUoIi3UL0aFN1ELqrC1N0a/view?usp=drive_link
Thank you for your time 🙏 💜

[heady nova]

Greetings ladies and gentlemen, I wish to trouble you with this essay proofreading.

[pulsar hedge]

Hi

[torn sentinel]

Done 🙂 Thank you 🙏 💜

[torn sentinel]

Hello Aman 🙂 I'm Anna 🙂 It's nice to meet you too 💜
Yes, it's just two pages, this short storie is one of 101.
Main idea was to write 101 stories one page long, and my inspiration was one of the Grimm Brothers tale ( I'm a fan of fairy tales from old times).
I already have 30.
🙂

My age? 😅 i'm 39.

It means a lot to me 🙂 Thank you 🙏

Nice one!

I like emotions in this shor scene

Very nice writing 🙂

Don't say that 🙂
Sometimes we shouldn't compare to others.

Absolutely – tu put eotions in such a short story is not easy task 🙂
And in my opinion you did it

[torn sentinel]

It is so nice 😍 ! I really love it 🙂
It's same story said in a different way 🙂
Your's for sure would be perfect for a modern style of telling stories 🙂 It gives emotions 🙂

In my version I was try to imitate style how old time writers were writing:
– no dialogues like in now days,
– simple descriptions,
– no details.
This is why "Proud Deer" looks like this 🙂

_
_
Hmm... maybe we should move with this talks to a different channel 😄
I have a feeling we're spamming here 😅

[heady nova]

Hello ladies and gentlemen. I wish to trouble you with proofreading my essay once more.

We can’t have a look at the behaviour change without looking at nerve cells. My presumption is that some nerve cells are sometimes so strongly linked to the hypothalamus, which is responsible for cognitive and primitive brain function, that it triggers a cognitive reaction. Those with a lower prefrontal cortex usually have a higher primitive brain function. This invokes incomprehensible prefrontal cortex function, which is the part of the brain responsible for long-term memory. This is, from my presumption, where our brain stores most of the intellectual information because it has to be stored in the long term. The quickest way to react is through the primitive brain function if your prefrontal cortex isn’t developed. So, the quickest way to react through primitive brain function is through the fight-or-flight response. People with primitive brains when faced with an overwhelming oddity; with their enhanced primitive brain function, they process it using the hypothalamus and choose fear. Afterward, the information will get stored in the prefrontal cortex but slower.

The session near the end of this video is interesting.
https://www.facebook.com/share/p/1N5xofcJm3/

After the amygdala sends a distress signal, the hypothalamus activates the sympathetic nervous system by sending signals through the autonomic nerves to the adrenal glands. These glands respond by pumping the hormone epinephrine (also known as adrenaline) into the bloodstream.

https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/understanding-the-stress-response#:~:text=After the amygdala sends a,as adrenaline)%20into%20the%20bloodstream.

Various areas of the prefrontal cortex have been implicated in a multitude of critical functions regarding speech production, language comprehension, and response planning before speaking. Cognitive neuroscience has shown that the left ventrolateral prefrontal cortex is vital in the processing of words and sentences.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prefrontal_cortex#:~:text=Various areas of the prefrontal,processing of words and sentences.

Depending on our experience, including the memories we revisit and the skills we practise, some synaptic connections (connections between neurons) become stronger, while others wither away. This ability of our brains to change is known as plasticity

https://www.science.org.au/curious/people-medicine/how-practice-changes-brain#:~:text=Depending on our experience%2C including,change is known as plasticity.

For the more developed prefrontal cortex function, languages are linked to the cognitive function, from my understanding.

Human language and social cognition are closely linked: advanced social cognition is necessary for children to acquire language, and language allows forms of social understanding (and, more broadly, culture) that would otherwise be impossible.

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4415479/#:~:text=Human language and social cognition,that would otherwise be impossible.

From my observation, speaking in a foreign language in long sessions and introducing their native language in short sessions induces smiles. This means that their native language is strongly connected to their cognitive function by nerve cells and is highly associated with smiling.

Credit to anonymous British citizen, German-Thai citizen, and Chinese-Thai citizen.

[queen wedge]

Is this for school?

[queen wedge]

Woah...

Help he made sleeping beauty omg

[queen wedge]

Limitations are just the weaknesses of your study! You discuss variables and factors that weaken the legitimacy of your research, usually stuff outside of ur control. Delimitations are your boundaries for your research (what have you decided to include and exclude to make your research higher-quality, more specific, etc.)

[heady nova]

This is usually for my Facebook friends, Miss.

[queen wedge]

Oh, okay!

What are you looking for exactly?

your grammar, your essay structure, something else...?

[heady nova]

Grammar, because the I don't have the money to pay for the full AI grammar checker.

I wish to burden you once more, with this proofreading, if I may.

[heady nova]

Greeting ladies and gentlemen, I wish to burden you with proofreading my essay once more.

[scarlet ridge]

Hi!

My name is Kevin and Im a big fan of traveling and meeting new cultures and environments.
In 2024 (one week after my graduation), I visited LA with my friends for 2 weeks and that quite frankly sealed my fate I guess. I also did a solo trip to Rome and spent a week in Corfu (Greece) with my friends in the last few months. This year I will Work & Travel through Canada. How long? The minus in my wallet will decide that.
Besides my love for traveling, Im also a heavy gamer and an aspiring filmmaker who wants to get big. Im also a big music fan and listen to it for a living.

I think that pretty much sums up my passions very well.

There is this YouTube series that came out quite recently. Its called "I traveled to all Continents with no Money" from Reuben Schmitz. It opened my eyes and made me realize that money can't and shouldn't be the reason to not pursue your dreams. They simply relied on the kindness of strangers and thus made memories that they might never would have made otherwise.

Long story short, Id love to experience similar things and meet new people and have a different experience than just simple hotel-hopping (and also to save money of course).

This is for my couchsurfing bio

[heady nova]

I wish to burden you once more in proofreading this, ladies and gentlemen

In the wake of 2025, where we are all connected, I can't help but address zoophilia. I can't help but see the TikTok and Instagram reel about a fish who likes to slurp. The strange impulse from the author of the reel is strange and hazardous. These reels coincide with the LGBTQ reel. Is it for another strange purpose? Is the author trying to normalise these trends to become another LGBTQ? I'm seeing a lot of peanut butter reels and dogs on Instagram. The spread of this idea could be dangerous. Is governance of reel and human required to maintain a healthy mind and body? Some people have been shouting strange things on Discord every now and then about these things, if my memory serves me right. If they are trying to normalise LGBTQ through reels, for instance, the if you do this one-time reel, then the zoophilia reel is trying to do the same thing, from my perspective. We are an underdeveloped country which tends to copy the foreign trend because they can't understand your language, but they can mimic your action. I think this is concerning. They are normalising the idea, like the LGBTQ. The stray petting is also a trend now. How many people know about the mortality rate of rabies, and how much of a concern was it back then? It is becoming a thing in my country. The poverty riddle area are doing the Zoophilia trend in my country, I saw it on the news if I remember it correctly.

Health Risks of Zoophilia/Bestiality

https://www.omicsonline.org/open-access/health-risks-of-zoophiliabestiality.php?aid=87470

Bestiality: which animals are most at risk

https://www.theguardian.com/world/datablog/2017/jun/21/bestiality-animal-sex-laws-zoosexual-community

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zoophilia

https://www.thairath.co.th/scoop/interview/2328661

https://www.who.int/health-topics/rabies#tab=tab_1

[heady nova]

I wish to burden you with proofreading once more.

The Chinese people in Thailand is unhappy, and China could be unhappy with what is happening to their citizen in Thailand right now.

Following the upraise of Thai-English trader union with graduated union, the Thai-English-Chinese trader union is growing restless. According to Thaisolution.com there are 8.5 % of Thai people who speaks Chinese. We still need to maintain our diplomatic relationship with the Chinese. One of the Thai-English-Chinese is complaining. The number of Chinese in Thailand is 12% but only 9 percent is speaking Chinese. China could be unhappy with this.

In Thailand, approximately 8.5% of the population speaks Chinese. However, the percentage of those with Chinese ancestry is estimated to be around 10-12%, and potentially as high as 40% for those with at least some Chinese ancestry. Thai Chinese are largely assimilated, with many speaking Thai as their primary language.

https://www.google.com/search?q=chinese+language+in+thailand+percent&sca_esv=ddcafec894bba800&rlz=1C1ONGR_enTH1009TH1009&ei=Iw8zaPa-Hsrd2roPtZnraQ&ved=0ahUKEwi23P3N0b6NAxXKrlYBHbXMOg0Q4dUDCBA&uact=5&oq=chinese+language+in+thailand+percent&gs_lp=Egxnd3Mtd2l6LXNlcnAiJGNoaW5lc2UgbGFuZ3VhZ2UgaW4gdGhhaWxhbmQgcGVyY2VudDIHECEYoAEYCjIHECEYoAEYCjIFECEYnwVI4RVQ7QtY-RRwAngBkAEAmAGsAaABuQeqAQMwLje4AQPIAQD4AQGYAgmgAtcHwgIKEAAYsAMY1gQYR8ICBhAAGBYYHsICCxAAGIAEGIYDGIoFwgIIEAAYgAQYogTCAgUQIRigAcICBBAhGBWYAwCIBgGQBgeSBwMyLjegB6YisgcDMC43uAfOBw&sclient=gws-wiz-serp

https://www.thaisolutions1502.com/what-are-the-most-spoken-languages-in-thailand/

[nova sierra]

how does this whole proofreading thing work

do i have to rewrite the whole text after correcting

[glad charm]

You correct mistakes (normally highlighting whaat you corrected with the bold/italic font) and point out things that could be changed

[nova sierra]

ahh k

what if there is a word missing

and it creates ambuigity

[glad charm]

Well, I suppose you'd have to mention that to them or add the word in and mark it

[glad charm]

• For example, you get this text:

I wants play video game with you and he. I will overpower you.

• As the proofreader, you could give this response:

I want to play video games with you and him. I will overpower[1.] you.
Notes:

1. 'overpower' is a bit formal and awkward for the context, but it's grammatically fine. 'Beat' would work better

---

However, each proofreader may go about things differently. Someone else may just replace 'overpower' without making a note about it

Just keep in mind that your goal isn't to rewrite the text but to correct it

[vital vortex]

Thank you scella

You're very helpful

[heady nova]

I wish to burden you with proofreading once more. Thank you

[deep minnow]

Hii, in 2 weeks I pass my bac of LLCE (exam of English literature in france). I wanted to know what you think of my text (knowing it is for an oral of 10 min max, and this is just the written version). Feel free to correct me! Thank you very much ! https://docs.google.com/document/d/1K3_66PgmEVsIdZcq3JNFroMQbHw_hKuxSrwetsTsN90/edit?usp=sharing

(It starts page 3, the two first pages are the documents I used in my presentation)

[queen wedge]

Srry no access

Could you make it so we can access the doc?

[deep minnow]

Aaah sorry, try this one : https://docs.google.com/document/d/1K3_66PgmEVsIdZcq3JNFroMQbHw_hKuxSrwetsTsN90/edit?usp=drivesdk

[queen wedge]

Its accessible ty

I am not very familiar w the baccalauréat and the format of the oral. What is it exactly?

is there a rubric? What are you looking for to be proofread?

Your level of analysis, your grammar, diction, etc.?

[queen wedge]

Whats the OAV?

[deep minnow]

OAV = oeuvre d’art visuel
(Visual art) so it can be a picture, a painting, an still from a movie…

[deep minnow]

First, we have read different books that are based on the theme studied. Here the books used is “The Handmaid’s Tale”, and the theme is “Art & debate” (we choose the theme and the books we want). Then we have to formulate a key-question, and we have to answer that question with, at least, 4 documents (The book, a visual art, a literary text and a non-literary text).

[deep minnow]

The level expected is C1

[deep minnow]

I especially need help with my sentence formulations. I copy French a lot, so I don't realise this is not how a native would express. Also about the verb tenses, because I tend to use only the present and the prétérit ... And I would also like to know what you think in general, if it is understandable and relevant

[queen wedge]

Heureusement, je suis capable de donner un coup de main à la grâce du fait que je parle français (j'espère)!

[queen wedge]

Okay. Is there a criteria for your oral?

Like a rubric or a method for how ur getting graded?

[queen wedge]

You will realize, as far as I am aware, that French is pretty similar to academic English so I dont think the differences are that significiant. Ill have a look!

[deep minnow]

Ah trop bien !

[queen wedge]

If I could also ask (basically my criteria question), what are the expectations from the baccalauréat? Of course, it should be C1 but that is very broad. Is there a rubric? Or could you elaborate on the expectations of the oral?

[queen wedge]

Im assuming they dont look at this document and its grammar, right?

[deep minnow]

There is no specific method but we are graded on the following points : the content, the coherence (good arguments, linking the documents between them), the language (complex structures, good grammar)

[deep minnow]

Yes they don’t see the written version !

[queen wedge]

Is your speaking graded?

As in your tonality, hand gestures, etc.

Clarity & articulation & enunciation so on, or is the focus just on your analysis?

[queen wedge]

Have you read Fahrenheit 451?

And the non-literary extract, or, just the Handmaid's tale!?

Sorry for so many questions! I am not that familiar with the format of the baccalauréat; it is a tricky exam, and I do not want to give imprudent advice!!

[deep minnow]

Actually there is 2 parts in the exam : oral and interview (idk it’s the right word is interview but it’s 10 minutes of questions/ answers). So in the oral, they expected us to deal with the subject clearly, answering the question and relying on documents and cultural references. And at the language level it is mainly to vary the constructions, expressions and words. Actually, even for me it’s hard to know what is the specific expectations, because it will also depend on my jury and my ability to be fluent and clear

[deep minnow]

Yes it is

[deep minnow]

Yes I have read it ! But here, it used as the extract so I will jot have questions about the all book and my analysis has to focus only on the extract

[deep minnow]

Don’t worry !! :)))

[queen wedge]

Understood!!

Your document has grammatical errors, but they are not that significiant. Moreover, this is an oral evaluation, and so the merit of your voice and ideas usurp any errors on paper!

“Censorship, book burning or even attempted murder on the authors, some books seem to be controversial, considered as a threat for some but as a source of hope for others.”

You have a clear introduction, and I am sure you chose to write with brevity because of the time limit. Your first sentence does a great job at establishing the themes you will hopefully discuss in your oral presentation. What was the reason for saying "the authors," though? Naturally, I'd just say "authors," unless I was specifying the authors to something else (e.g., "...attempted murder on the authors of so-called literary anomalies).

What was the reasoning for saying "seem to be controversial." I would suggest being more staunch on your stance on the fact that books are controversial: how else would they lead to both transient and timeless changes? Are you trying to use uncertainty so you can introduce clear evidence in support of books and their controversiality later on -- maybe to highlight the contrast between the seemingness and the reality?

I understand you have a time limit, so each word is a cost. You want to demonstrate as much literary- and language-related understanding as possible. Thus, rather than describing the Handmaid's Tale as a famous novel and giving a generic description of the book that, because of its vagueness (sure you might give literary evidence later, but even the instructors' memories are ephemeral; they should preferably be side-by-side), supports your claim, give a summary of the book, or even a snippet that shows your understanding. For one, the book was published in 1985. Not sure if this is necessary a cultural reference, but the author is Canadian, as well. Just as a note: "where books embody at once a threat and at the same time an endless fountain of knowledge and power." Good juxtapositioning. Could you express some of this with literary technique?

For your introduction, I advice not referring to the book as "the book." Call it by its name (until it gets too repetitive, of course) -- for the oral evaluation, it will also help you subtly with recollection subconsciously, from my experience.

Your use of diction is good, and when you're speaking, I am sure it'll come out more, but be careful with using "we" or "I." I am not sure how formal this is, but "one" is probably preferred. For example: thus, one is tempted to wonder: to what extent do books represent a threat ?

Also, be more specific with your language. What do you mean by threat? A threat to society? A political threat, a social threat, etc.? If it is all of this, you should have language that provides direction towards them.

"To answer that question, I will analyze books as a tool of power, then as an individual threat and I will finish by showing that books are considered as a source of hope and liberation."

Strong conclusion sentence! However, you probably should mention the other books in your introduction; this lets the audience know the focus and scope of your analysis. You need a stronger contrast from the fact that its a source of power and imbroglios; yet, at the same time, hope and liberation, unless you're trying to have a sense of continuity...?

In your first argument, you mention some background information on Fahrenheit 451, and contextualize before entering your argument! By the way, when you use "extract," just remember that you're quoting a part from an extract, and we usually don't refer to an "extract from an extract," as an extract. It would be more appropriate language to just say, "explains."

[deep minnow]

First, thanks for reading my production and for advising me. I will correct that asap !

You’re right, it’s better if I just say “books are controversial” instead of “seem”, it could be interpreted as hesitation.

Question when you tell me “one” is preferred over “I” or “we”, it’s only in the introduction, when I ask the key-question OR it’s valid for the entire presentation ? (When it’s not my opinion)

[queen wedge]

This line emphasizes that books hold a form of intellectual richness that encourages deep thinking, something that oppressive regimes want to suppress. Indeed, reflexion is extremely dangerous in a society where obedience is preferred over critical thought.

Your analysis is good. But you need to dig deeper! You're able to get what Ray Bradbury write/Professor Faber is trying to say; but that is interpretative, of course, so you need to strengthen it with their use of language. How does Ray Bradbury/Professor Faber use the English language to support the fact that, "books hold a form of intellectual richness that encourages deep thinking." You also say, "something that oppressive regimes want to suppress" -- I feel like there's an opportunity to highlight Fahrenheit 451's oppressive regime.

"Indeed, reflexion is extremely dangerous in a society where obedience is preferred over critical thought."

What do you mean by "reflexion?" Also, be more accurate with your language: refer to the society of Fahrenheit 451.

"The regime fears books because they show “the pores in the face of life”, meaning they reveal uncomfortable truths." & one of those uncomfortable truths is that autocratic regimes are horrendous; you have an opportunity to discuss that there. The regimes don't just fear them because they show that, because the "pores in the face of life" are fundamentally a dichotomy to autocratic regimes.

When you discuss the Handmaid's Tale, it's great! I love that you give a lot of context. Since you read it, it definitely makes sense why. When you're discussing a book that you've read front to back, you have so much opportunity to show literary prudence. When you make claims, you have an immediate opportunity to evidence it from the Handmaid's Tale.

For example: "In Gilead, the dystopian society, controlling access to knowledge is central to keep patriarchal dominance. Women like the protagonist Offred are kept in ignorance, not allowed to read even shop signs, because reading leads to thought, thought leads to agency, and agency threatens power. So books become a weapon that the regime must destroy. The fear is not of the book as an object, but of what it represents: the possibility of rebellion and self-awareness."

You have many opportunities to show literary evidence. Although a lot of what you say is inherently obvious (or should be), it shows comprehension to the jury and strengthens your side of the tribunal because you've also shown deeper thinking!

[queen wedge]

I would make the case it's for the entire presentation.

If this is a formal oral presentation, then 100%. You should not be using "I," or, "we," at all for a formal presentation. In written analyses, you for sure would not use those; however, this is an oral presentation and so we are all tempted to use "I" or 'we," so I am assuming they won't care too, too much!

Here: "Also, books are not only forbidden: they are also falsified or misinterpreted by the power to control and brainwash citizens." I understand your use of "can," because it shows possibility and uncertainty. I strongly recommend not using "can," unless there is a powerful reason for doing so. For example, in the aforementioned quote, it is more acerbic and clear when you firmly say "they are also..." Your uncertainty, can, might reflect hesitancy or a lack of confident understanding of the novel to the examiner. In one spot it's fine, but it will add up.

We also have a visual example: a library display created by the teacher Catherine REED, in Kentucky, entitled Words Have Power, shows a black fist, a symbol of protest and resistance, surrounded by books. It reminds us that words can be just as powerful as physical weapons. This kind of message may seem simple, but in some political contexts, it would be considered threatening.

Here, too, you need clearer language. How are visuals used to show that it reminds us that "words can be just as powerful as physical weapons" -- and in what political contexts? Perhaps reference one of the two dystopian novels.

[deep minnow]

By “reflexion” I mean “thinking”. But now you highlight it, I think I probably don’t write it correctly! (Maybe it’s reflection ? Or would I just say “thinking”)

[queen wedge]

Preferably, you should be discussing the elements in the visual (duh!). The fact that it is a black fist (why black, why a fist)? You discuss that it's a symbol of protest and resistance...but dig deeper! The positioning of the symbol, the books (the type of books), the yellow background, the colour of the fist (reminds me of BLM...allusion!)?!

[queen wedge]

That's also a cultural reference, too, right?! It's an allusion to a big social movement, and that movement, Black Lives Matter, incorporated visceral usages of words. You can debate the vices and virtues of the use of words, but if anything, yep...words have power!

In the movie adaptation Matilda directed by Danny DeVito, released in 1996 and based on the novel of Roald Dahl, books help her fight against authorities like her family and the headmistress at school.

Here, you should clarify your language. Since you mentioned it's a movie, and because it is Roald Dahl (a children's author), I feel like you mean that literal books are actually fighting against authorities...or is it more metaphorical?

[glad charm]

oh my gosh you type so fast

[queen wedge]

Your conclusion, "in all these examples, we see one main idea: books are dangerous to people in power because they make individuals think and resist," is amazing! You do a good job of wrapping it up and connecting it, thematically. Contrarily, it is evident that your visual examples' strength compared to that of your literary examples lack homogeneity. I.e., they are a bit too weak...especially the black fist one. I don't see where in your analysis it connects to books resisting authority, besides the fact it's books next to a symbol of resistance.

[deep minnow]

Yup ! I explain that the fist is a symbol coming from it a civil rights movement, but I should specify which one (BLM so)

[queen wedge]

Moreover, books do not only disturb governments, they also challenge individuals and social norms. In The Power and Importance of...READING! delivered by Luke Bakic in 2019, we see how reading can isolate a person, even while it strengthens them intellectually. The speaker says: “I like books. I used to stay quiet for spelling tests, and it makes my vocabulary so good that it easily impresses any grown-up.” This positive impact is double-edged: it sets him apart from people of his age, sometimes leading to loneliness. Books make you “smarter”, but they also make you “different”. Furthermore, he suggests that reading is not a passive activity, but it requests emotional and intellectual involvement. Sometimes, books make people uncomfortable, because they bring emotions, doubts, and ideas that don’t fit with society’s rules.

I want to emphasise something that is critical in terms of your analysis, and this one of the primary differences from a B2 learner and a C1 learner: language. A lot of people can piece together a presentation. It is great that you're discussing quotes: you are showing comprehension and contextualization. On the other hand, your analysis is not that deep. You need to demonstrate not only the what behind the quote to defend your argument, but the how. How is language being used that strengthens your argument? Or once you've established the what, how is the what strengthened by the magnanimity of the how...?!

Most people can read a passage and tell you what it is in their own words. It is a lot more difficult to look at why the passage was written that way and the consequences of it -- rather than focusing on the what alone, you are looking at the language itself!

I can't stress that enough!

It is a critical part of being a C1 or C2 learner!

[glad charm]

:o

[queen wedge]

"Then we can contrast this with Fahrenheit 451 again where people are afraid of thinking because it hurts. Bradbury describes how society becomes obsessed with superficial happiness, where people want to feel "comfortable," so they avoid anything deep or challenging. He writes: "The comfortable people want only wax moon faces, poreless, hairless, expressionless." In other words, books bring complexity and force them to feel.'

I LOVE your use of transition words! I would've probably just said, "In contrast, one considers Fahrenheit 451, where people are afraid of thinking because it hurts ...." I hate being so harsh but again, though, you are just regurgitating what is evident in the quote in your own words. How does Ray Bradbury phrase this: "[t]he comfortable people want only wax moon faces, poreless, hairless, expressionless," in such a way that it emphasises your claim: "books bring complexity and force them to feel."?!!

[deep minnow]

Yeaaah, actually, I had trouble finding good visual works that could answer my question and be linked to the literary works (which I had no trouble finding and analysing). And I'm not talking about the analysis, where I couldn't find much to say '^^
But is it “disturbing” the lack of homogeneity between the visual examples and the rest ?

[deep minnow]

Really interesting ! I will try to make deeper analysis of the quotes

[queen wedge]

We see a similar fear in The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood. Women are completely cut off from knowledge, to control them on a personal level. Reading allows people to form their own opinions and remember the past. If women read, they might compare the present regime with the time before. They might feel rage or injustice. So, banning books is a way to protect people from emotional disruption, but also to prevent them from any personal awakening. What’s really scary here is the way people internalise this ban. Some women, like Aunt Lydia, even support it. It shows how society can make individuals fear books not just as objects, but as a risk to their identity.

Okay, for here...this is great, too! Again, love the transition words. However, I would probably give some literary evidence for some of what you're saying is occuring in the Handmaid's Tale. For instance, when you write: "So, banning books is a way to protect people from emotional disruption, but also to prevent them from any personal awakening," could you provide proof in the Handmaid's Tale that shows that is true?

"Then, the raised fist on the display, is a symbol of resistance, historically linked to civil rights movements, which turns the act of reading into a revolutionary gesture. In many societies, encouraging reading can be seen as dangerous, especially when it gives a voice to minorities. So while it’s just a school poster, it conveys a message that challenges passive education. It says: Don’t just read but think, and speak."

I LOVE this reference! Remember, that's called an allusion. Consider the diction of "don’t just read but think, and speak," or even just the organization of the poster or the media!

"Finally, despite all these threats books are also portrayed as hopeful."

I find your use of "portrayed" interesting. Portrayed by whom? I am not sure what it exactly is, but I just find something off with the choice of "portrayed." It makes it almost seem like façade. Not solely because of your word choice of "portrayed," but the structure of the sentence. I would've said something like: "Finally, in the same breathe, the same books which are depicted as minacious, are seen as paragons of hope."

Your analysis at this final section is better, albeit much shorter. Do what you did here elsewhere (e.g., discussing the symbolism of the library display).

Furthermore, this idea, that books can be a tool of freedom, is also symbolized by the library display. On a yellow wall, the sentence “Words have power” is written. It reminds us that literature is not merely academic. It is a tool of resistance, a way to emphasize voices, and a way of inspiring agency.

How does it remind us? What about the structure or style of the media remind us that: " literature is not merely academic. It is a tool of resistance, a way to emphasize voices, and a way of inspiring agency."?

"In conclusion, books represent a threat on multiple levels. To authoritarian regimes, they are dangerous tools that lead to critical thought and rebellion. To individuals, they can provoke emotional or social norms. Yet in the same ways, books offer a lot of hope and freedom, they allow people to dream and to grow."

Yet, in a "similar nature"?

"...but the power they hold to transform lives." I would reconsider the use of "lives." The power of books are more pervasive and ubiquitous than just lives: they are, like you said, menacing giants to entire regimes, and topple social norms that've lasted longer than Rome.

"And, I think the “danger” of books is what makes them essential."

[queen wedge]

😛 😘

faire la bise a la conclusion

[queen wedge]

Okay! Amazing!

[queen wedge]

Sorry. When I was reading, I saw that. I commented on that!!

[queen wedge]

Maybe!!

[queen wedge]

Yes, reflection. reflexion is not at all common.

perhaps individual reflection or something of that sorts

You are an excellent writer & if you need oral help w your presentation, I can help w some other time too, of course

But for this bit, I think youre going to do very well! I hope I was able to help.

[glad charm]

is this an inflection-inflexion situation where one is British and the other is American, or more like, one is British and American while the other is only British

inflexion - British
inflection - American (but Brits use it)

Is this the case with reflection-reflexion?

[queen wedge]

as far as i am aware, inflexion-inflection is much more common of what ur talking abt & esp. in mathematics

But no

[deep minnow]

Histoire de finir en beauté🤓

[queen wedge]

as far as i am aware, reflection is preferred in either types of english

[glad charm]

'is much more common of what ur talking abt'
Sorry I don't undestand this 😅

[glad charm]

I seee

[queen wedge]

mb! inflexion-inflection, the example you gave, is much more common to see than reflection-reflexion

[glad charm]

Ahh understood!

Thanks for explainingg

[queen wedge]

Ive seen inflexion-inflection being used in mathematics but for reflection-reflexion, i havent seen it anywhere, so as far as i can tell i dont think its used very often

[queen wedge]

Of course! I would google to double check!

[queen wedge]

le coup de foudre avec votre conclusion

[deep minnow]

Thank you soooo much ! It’s really interesting to have your opinion, and your advices help me a lot, really. Even though, I probably can’t put all in the presentation, because of the time limit, I have some clues for the “interview”, and I’m sure it will be useful !

[glad charm]

seems 'reflexion' is considered archaic by some

[deep minnow]

Thanks again🤗

[glad charm]

Wiktionary says dated though

[queen wedge]

I am PRAYING and WISHING and HOPING you do AMAZING 🫶🏻 I was being picky because the bac is like that. I hope you consider asking other people because i am sure there are those who know far more!! I have something similar to what you have next year, and it is not easy, for sure, but you are a superb writer. I am happy I was able to help.

[queen wedge]

Ooo right!!

[glad charm]

---

Any comments on this opening?

This essay is intended as an introduction to comparative linguistics for the uninitiated. It shall treat only of the most fundamental concepts within the field and of nothing further. I will firstly define the field in a most general sense; thence, I shall expound upon each of a group of basal conceptions regarding it.

[atomic sand]

Suggest me any website which is related to language learning and can be use in classroom

[queen wedge]

It’s nice! However, your style is a bit too elaborate. when writing an essay, you generally dont say "this essay" because it is obvious to the reader they're reading an essay. Since this is an essay, I also dont see the need for saying "is intended." You should reconsider some of your words (e.g., "initiated" could be "beginner" or "inexperienced"). Your style is also superfluous and sounds archaic. Evidently, consider, "it shall treaty only of the most fundamental concepts within the field and of nothing further," or, "thence, I shall expound upon each of a group of basal conceptions regarding it," or "firstly," (it could be just: "first,"), In essays, esp. if its academic, you dont use "I." Your language can definitely be changed so it has brevity, readability, & fluidity.

[queen wedge]

duolingo? 😛

coursera maybe or edx??

[glad charm]

So is too old-fashioned and also shouldn't use 'I' or refer to itself ('this essay')? I'm not sure why my more 'proper' writing is actually more archaic than formal, I always do this

How would you speak of your objectives without refering to yourself?

[queen wedge]

"the author"

"the writer," "one"

[glad charm]

Nothing beyond the fundamental concepts shall be touched upon herein
?

[queen wedge]

Yes!

[queen wedge]

You could have just said "Only fundamental concepts are touched on."

[glad charm]

Why would I speak about myself in third person :0

Welll ig for the academic tone

[queen wedge]

Its just standard in academia

Especially if its an academic essay

And since your writing an essay thats introducing people to comparative linguistics...id definitely say that requires a academic register

[glad charm]

Why did this not occur to me What is it that has lead me to a style so prolix

This is so much neater

[glad charm]

Girl registers are hard, thank you

I'm so glad this was just me trying to write for fun and not an actual teacher-requested assignment, for I surely would fail miserably should that have been the case. I can treat it more as practice

[queen wedge]

I and many other appreciate your unique voice! although, in academic writing, there are certain expectations, as youve seen

I suggest reading articles from academic journals or academic essays, & other content like that

[glad charm]

this is a nice linguistic book I've been reading!
https://archive.org/details/historyofenglish03loun/page/20/mode/1up?view=theater

[queen wedge]

Itll develop a better understanding of academic register

[queen wedge]

Ic!!

[glad charm]

Idk if it counts as academic, but iss an academic matterrr

[glad charm]

That makes a lot of sense

[queen wedge]

Its interesting

[glad charm]

I must consume more of the register I wish to attain

[queen wedge]

Definitely academic, but the register should be contemporary academic, so of course, you should read contemporary documents

[glad charm]

But only in the older of literature lie the beautiful constructions! Everything modern is so lacklustre :( But then again, if I want to have any semblance of a proper academic career in the future, I must conform to their standards.

I will read boring contemporary academic texts

[queen wedge]

I appreciate older literature, but when it comes to academic writing, its clear why the expectations are what they are

You have reasonably creative liberties in certain academic texts tho

Like if ur writing an academic article

On the other hand if its like a report then nuh uh

[glad charm]

Let me redo that introduction, taking into consideration what you have said

[queen wedge]

Gl!

[glad charm]

Hmm, any better?

The author intends this text as an introduction to comparative linguistics at a beginner level. Herein she treats only of the most fundamental concepts within the field. Firstly, the field shall be defined in a most general sense; thence, upon each of a set of basal conceptions regarding it shall be expounded briefly.

I made sure not to say 'I' or 'this essay'

I feel 'Firstly' is much better than 'First', so I chose not to change it, but thas personal preference

perhaps 'thence' is outdated?

[queen wedge]

Sorry. No "we" or "she" or "he." They/them is allowed tho. Also I think "treats only of the most fundamental concepts within the field" is too archaic & long. Ur 3rd and 4th sentences are also too archaic

[glad charm]

Confound it

[queen wedge]

Yes!

[glad charm]

I don't need to write an essay, I'll stick to writing old-fashioned fiction

[queen wedge]

Yeah, I like that more w the way you wrote the rest of your sentence too

[glad charm]

By the way, how is the third archaic, it feels like the simplest sentence in this text?

Firstly, the field shall be defined in a most general sense

[queen wedge]

Essay writing is probably the most important type of writing... like... ever!!

[queen wedge]

Oops just meant ur third but in the first part its because of the "shall be defined in a most general sense..."

Also jst the use of "field" seems unclear to me. although i understand ur referring to comparative linguistics, i wouldve just specified that it was that

Its just more little things adding up to making it sound too archaic and ostentatious

[glad charm]

True, if ever I should reach my intended office (that is, as a professor of linguistics), I would need to write many an academic text in essay format. It's important, yet I suck at it

[queen wedge]

Reading contemporary academic texts will help you a lot

Writing a lot as well

Talk with your teacher about it

I am sure they will be able to help you

[glad charm]

My teachers are idiots

They don't speak English properly lol

[queen wedge]

There are teachers here and im not exactly sure but some of them might do lessons on essay writing

Its a very important skill that you must have

[glad charm]

Here are the next two paragraphs, after the introduction that I have to rewrite based on your critiques. Do I need to rewrite these as well?

Comparative linguistics is a branch of historical linguistics concerned with the cross-referencing of languages’ properties, most commonly word forms and potential phonetic divergences, as a means to establish a link between which languages or to hypothesise a common descent shared between them. In essence, historical linguistics, as per the University of Cologne, ‘studies languages that are related to each other through regular similarities in inflection, word formation, syntax, and vocabulary.’ (Department of Linguistics, University of Cologne, 2024).

A proper understanding of comparative (and, more broadly, historical) linguistics requires an acknowledgement of the fact of languages’ not being mutually exclusive. The identity of that which may be dubbed an independent language as such may fall into question according as the comparison is made between appreciably unrelated tongues or those that are genetically bound. A prominent contemporary example of this concept is that of the North Germanic Dialect Continuum, which comprises Swedish, Danish, and Norwegian, the continental Nordic languages

[queen wedge]

Idk a thing abt comparative linguistics so for some of the concepts ur mentioning i have no idea what they even are (but hey! im not inexperienced or a beginner, i have 0% experience so im not the intended audience), but its great! its WAY more readable and fluid, and it has voice to it

I think there are little things but theyre minor

like "as a means to establish a link between which languages or to hypothesise a common descent shared between them."

id remove the "which" unless u forgot to write "between which languages xyz..."

or

"The identify of that which may be dubbed an independent language as such may fall into question according as the comparison..."

"according as" should be changed

[glad charm]

Hmm, 'which' is just being used in the sense 3 here. I don't believe it's inccorect, is it?

[glad charm]

May I further enquire as to what fault there is with my having used 'according as'? It means 'depending on whether'

[glad charm]

Rewritten

The author intends this text as an introduction to comparative linguistics at a beginner level. Only the most fundamental concepts within the field are to be discussed hereinafter: firstly, comparative linguistics shall be defined generally and by contemporary standards; after which, a set of basal ideas regarding the field shall briefly be explained.

[queen wedge]

O thats interesting

I would still change it bc most ppl would find that confusing

[queen wedge]

same reason

most people are not going to understand

Hampers your communication

[glad charm]

Why are people stupid :(

I'll jus use 'depending on whether' 😔

[queen wedge]

I dont think I would say that!

People just have different ways of writing

i am sure that would be common knowledge if it was used but ig it fell out of favour

Regardless, effective communication is more important than anything else

[glad charm]

I've switched it to 'the particular languages'

[queen wedge]

Yeah, abt this, similarly, "are to be discussed hereinafter" sounds archaic and redundant. Now that i think abt it, even if ur trying to emphasise the fundamentality, "most" is unnecessary.

It doesnt seem natural for me to put the colon there either. i see it as a distinct sentence, esp. because of the use of "firstly"

"basal ideas" works but istg ppl are gonna think of basil

"shall be briefly explained" is also redundant

[glad charm]

It feels like 'effective communication' has stripped the beauty from written works and left them husks, plaintively weeping for want of a more elevated diction, eternally yearning

[queen wedge]

There is beauty to effective communication

[glad charm]

That makes sense. That colon is weird ye

[glad charm]

What could I replace it with? I could have sworn 'hereinafter' was still used

[queen wedge]

Only the most fundamental concepts of comparative linguistics are discussed.

or even jst only fundamental concepts of comparative linguistics are discussed.

[queen wedge]

Yep! You wont see it a lot, and like I said earlier, tinier things add up to hamper communication. its redundant, regardless

[glad charm]

I think saying 'comparative linguistics' a second time there is a bit redundant. But here, I've applied some changes (first paragraph):

ignore grammarly being stupid

I use it for spelling

[glad charm]

The biggest change and the one I would like your input on is switching from future to present

Shall be explained
Are explained

I was struggling to choose a tense for the introduction but settled on future

But I've now switched it to present

Oh god, I have no idea if 'Continuum' should be capitalised

[queen wedge]

I don’t think so

[queen wedge]

Okay!

[glad charm]

hmm, 'North Germanic' capital, 'dialect continuum' not

[queen wedge]

It’s up to you! Ic!!

[queen wedge]

I think so

[glad charm]

okioki

Thank you for ptting up with my stream of idiotic enquires

[queen wedge]

I hope I was able to help

Thank you!

[glad charm]

You are truly the best proofreader that ever trod shoe-leather :D You certainly did help

[fervent valve]

can someone review my thesis statement for this essay im doing idk if its argumentative enough for a good thesis

In Akira Toriyama's Dragonball Z, Vegeta goes through both literal and metaphorical cycles of death and rebirth representing the many stages of his development, resulting in his transition from evil to good and a fulfilling character arc.

[queen wedge]

it’s argumentative enough imo

[spring stone]

A famous dish

I live in Roma and there are a lot of famous meals in my city, but the most famous dish in it is Pizza, it is a circel of cheese, tomato and a lot of things, all people know about Pizza, some people like it with vigetables, and there are other like it without any thing exept cheese, its not the only famous dish in Italy, but its the most famous, there is also Pasta and Gelato, finally i like the famous dishs in my city.

[red badge]

Wrote something utterly horrendous and unserious, but I am apprehensive whether the story is good enough to be continued. Let me know your thoughts any corrections would be welcome.
This is a story about a squirrel, and that's actually what this story is all about. However, this squirrel is no ordinary one, it's an aspirational squirrel and you might wonder what its aspirations are, well her aspirations are quite fanciful just like her approach to life.
Our squirrel has a lot of stories, desires and wishes inherent in herself, she wishes to have been born a human. This might sound utterly ludicrous to you but she also still wishes to be a human as she thinks that with a larger size and perhaps a sharper wit, it'd be a lot easier for her to acquire her amenities. But what she fails to realise is the fact that humans and squirrels are dissimilar and so are their needs for a living. Although, logically it's quite impossible to become a human from a squirrel or vice versa, our squirrel aspires to someday walk in the sunlight with limbs and run through the soft breeze of the summer. The squirrel is curious to find out how or whether or not it's even possible to be a human, in its unshakeable curiosity, it began to think. It thought for a moment and for another moment and for an extra moment but no possibility seemed to appear in its mind.
"Hmmm, I am rather dumb anyways, and this thinking is not certainly the way either so I shan't bother myself so much." She thought to herself, glanced out the mouth of the burrow and saw the stars glitter as she lost in reverie, she wished to the stars that shone above that she were also one of them and that she could also see the world from far above. The very next moment she seemed to have changed places with the stars, she could see the universe, the same universe that looks so bright from below was quite rather drab and dim, but the question right now was how did she switch places with a celestial body?

Was she asleep and having a lucid dream or was this true and she had actually gotten what she wished for?. The moment was enchanting, the very fact that she, who was once a squirrel can now witness what many creatures on Earth yearn to. She didn't take the moment for granted and admired every single thing in sight, the stars that seemed as small as diamonds from below were enormous spheres of light. But, her purpose in life was not to become a star and distribute light eternally, it was to become human. Her exuberance was contrasting to the drab and dreary nature of the universe. She grew melancholy as the fear of never getting back to herself took over her. She was afraid, very much so and in a sense of trepidation she wished to be back herself. It didn't work this time, she was stuck. The fear in her intensified, the fear of never getting to see any of her beloved ones ever again was unbearably heavy to her heart, it ached her to think so.

[red badge]

One thing I would recommend is using "here" instead of in it in the third clause of the first sentence. As you are specifying a place where you currently live and saying that something in it is like this or that is a bit awkward. So instead you could have said "I live in xxxx and there are a lot of famous dishes in my city, but the most famous dish here is xxxxx" however, in it is not grammatically incorrect. It's just a bit uncommon to talk like that. People just use the adverbs here and there instead.

I am lurking. And waiting for this scella guy to be done typing

I am not leaving until I see your text scella 🐮

Damn, this guy is probably typing an essay.

I'll read it though.

Hehheheheheh

Hey you scella. Are you typing the bible?

[glad charm]

I live in Roma and there are a lot of famous meals in my city, but the most famous dish in it here is Pizza**.** It is a circel of cheese, tomato and a lot of things**.** all people Everyone knows about Pizza**.** Some people like it with vigetables, and there are others who like it without any thing exept cheese**.** its Pizza is not the only famous dish in Italy, but it**'s the most famous, though** there ~~is ~~ are also Pasta and Gelato**.** Finally**,** I like the famous dishs in my city.

1. Don't overuse commas in place of full stops. Look into what comma splices are: #📚｜english-questions message

2. Try to make sure your sentences logically follow from one another. It sort of feels like a ramble of discontinuous thoughts at the moment.

Its = owned by 'it'
It's = it is

4. 'I' when referring to oneself should always be capitalised

Edited:

I live in Roma and there are a lot of famous meals in my city, but the most famous dish here is Pizza. It is a circel of cheese, tomato and a lot of things. Everyone knows about Pizza. Some people like it with vigetables, and there are others who like it without any thing exept cheese. Pizza is not the only famous dish in Italy, but it's the most famous, though there are also Pasta and Gelato. Finally, I like the famous dishs in my city.

[spring stone]

Thank you 👍

[spring stone]

Thanks 👍

[glad charm]

np

[red badge]

Finally, my curiosity is very much at ease.

Thanks for being done with the essay.

I really appreciate you not letting me die of curiosity.

[spring stone]

But i didn't understand ( try to make sure your sentence logically follow from...)

[red badge]

Yeah, I overuse commas. Have been working on it but it's just a bad habit of mine atp.

[glad charm]

This is a story about a squirrel, and that's actually what this story is all about. However, this squirrel is no ordinary one**:** it's an aspirational squirrel**.** You might wonder what its aspirations are**.** Well**,** her aspirations are quite fanciful**,** just like her approach to life.
This was a bit of a run-on, in that you connected multiple sentences together without any punctuation. You also had a comma splice. I've edited the punctuation slightly. The colon serves to introduce what you set up by saying 'this squirrel is no ordinary one', but you could also replace it with a full stop.

Our squirrel has a lot of stories, desires and wishes inherent in herself**.** One of them is that she wishes to have been born a human.
It'd be best to add 'one of them' or something that conveys the same idea, cuz you did say she has 'a lot' of them. Also, comma splice.

This might sound utterly ludicrous to you**,** but she also still wishes to be a human as she thinks that with a larger size**,** and perhaps a sharper wit, it'd be a lot easier for her to acquire her amenities. But However, what she fails to realise is the fact that humans and squirrels are dissimilar and that so are their needs ~~ for a living~~. Although logically it's quite impossible to become a human from a squirrel or vice versa, our squirrel aspires to someday walk in the sunlight with NOTE-1 limbs and run through the soft breeze of the summer.
Saying 'also' doesn't make sense when this is the first thing you're mentioning. Since 'and perhaps a sharper wit' is an interjection/extra thought being thrown in, it needs to be offset by commas on both sides. Using coördinating conjunctions (like 'but') to start off sentences is often proscribed against, though it's acceptable in informal contexts. To be honest, that 'that' I added for better flow; remove it if you wish. 'For a living' is sort of redundant since 'needs' already implies that.

Note-1: squirrels have limbs. You probably meant something like 'human limbs', unless this squirrel is an amputee in your story.

The squirrel is curious to find out how**,** or whether or not it's even possible**,** to become a human**.** In NOTE-2 its unshakeable curiosity, it began to think. It thought for a moment**,** and for another moment**,** and for an extra moment**,** but no possibility seemed to appear in its mind.
Since 'or whether or not it's even possible' is a parenthetical thought, it should be offset by commas (or somethin else, but commas work). It wants to know if it's possible to become a human, not to be one. There were also a few missing commas at the end, and I did consider this might be a case of purposefully eliding commas to make a text read faster, a valid technique if used properly, but I noticed it's combined with polysyndeton (overusing conjunctions), when that is a device normally used to slow down the pace. That is, I added the commas cuz I saw no reason they shouldn't be there and have explained why above. Feel free to revert any changes.

Note-2: At first you switched from referring to the squirrel as 'it' to referring to it as 'she'. This makes sense as a sort of 'gender reveal' of the squirrel as the narrator speaks of it more closely. However, you've gone back to 'it' here. Try to be consistent with what pronouns you use for the squirrel throughout the story. The next section goes back to 'she'.

"Hmmm, I am rather dumb anyways, and this thinking is not certainly the way either**,** so I shan't bother myself so much." She thought to herself, glanced out the mouth of the burrow**,** and saw the stars glitter**.** As she was lost in reverie, she wished to the stars that shone above that she were also one of them and that she could also see the world from far above. The very next moment**,** she seemed to have changed places with the stars**.** She could see the universe, the same universe that looks so bright from below was quite rather drab and dim, but the question right now was how did she switch places with a celestial body?
It's mainly puncuation here, but do note that one becomes or is lost in reverie. One doesn't lose in reverie; that is not a correct way of expressing the idea,

[red badge]

I was sceptical about the reverie, but the punctuation was shitty and thanks for the correction I really ought to have someone to correct me as concisely as you did.

[glad charm]

Was she asleep and having a lucid dream or was this true and she had actually gotten what she wished for? The moment was enchanting, the very fact that she, who was once a squirrel**,** could now witness what many creatures on Earth yearn to. She didn't take the moment for granted and admired every single thing in sight**.** The stars that seemed as small as diamonds from below were enormous spheres of light. However, her purpose in life was not to become a star and emit light eternally**;** it was to become human. Her exuberance was contrasting to the drab and dreary nature of the universe. She grew melancholy as the fear of never getting back to herself took over her. She was afraid, very much so**,** and in a sense of trepidation she wished to be back herself. It didn't work this time**:** she was stuck. The fear in her intensified**.** The fear of never getting to see any of her beloved ones ever again was unbearably heavy to her heart**.** It ached her to think so.
You need commas on both sides of 'who was once a squirrel'. Use 'could' not 'can' since everything is in past tense. A few punctuation mistakes here and there have been fixed. Don't start a sentence with 'But'. Stars 'emit' light, not 'distribute' it.

Overall, this is pretty good. You just need to work on you punctuation and become consistent with the pronouns of the squirrel lol. I'd recommend looking into comma splices and what sort of punctuation one uses with coördinating conjunctions. Keep on writing!

[glad charm]

No problem 💜

[red badge]

The emit light one was my initial idea but I thought it sounded corny and went with my stupid word choice 🥀🥀🥀.

But, now that I think about it. It's not even making sense 😭.

Actually, thanks for the splices suggestions. I have been told several times by several people that my punctuation is sort of convoluted and needs to be worked on. Imma finally take the time to have a look at it and cease my stupid punctuation once and for all.

[glad charm]

Good luck with that :>

[glad charm]

So, when you're writing something, don't just say things that come to mind, rather, try to connect your ideas nicely with transition words or phrases and a logical flow

That's what I meant

[spring stone]

Oh ok

To Mr. Joe

We know about your live problems and we are so sorry for what happened to your wife, but I think you know that the work in company need to keep going.
You didn't come to the work for 2 weeks and we think that we gived you enough time.
If you didn't come to the company next week I think we won't have any choose exept fire you,

[upper wigeon]

Circle not circel, vegetables instead of vigetables, anything connected instead of seperate, besides instead of except, instead of it's the most famous it would be better to use it is to emphasise it, either I like this famous dish from my city, or I like the famous dishes from my city

[glad charm]

Prolly should ping the original writer with these corrections

[upper wigeon]

First off, treat your employees better, though I don't know the exact situation so this might be appropriate. Secondly, use life instead of live, come to work instead of come to the work, gave you enough time, last sentence has quite a few mistakes so I'll fully rewrite it. If you don't come into work next week I dont think we'll have ant choice but to fire you. Then end on some form of greetings

[upper wigeon]

Right, could you do that? I just got pinged somewhere

[glad charm]

Sure thing

[glad charm]

@spring stone these are more corrections to your text by Nia ^

[upper wigeon]

Also a better way to say fire you might be to say terminate our contract

[spring stone]

Thanks, but what is the meaning of (ant choice)?

[upper wigeon]

Oh that's a typo haha

[spring stone]

ok 😅

[upper wigeon]

Meant any instead of ant

Ant is the animal 🐜

[spring stone]

ok thank you aunt

[queen wedge]

you need to be more professional

[queen wedge]

this is a sweet story :)

[spring stone]

whats professional means?

?def professional

[placid rain]

Word: professional

Definition 1 (noun): a person engaged in one of the learned professions
Definition 2 (noun): an authority qualified to teach apprentices
Definition 3 (noun): an athlete who plays for pay

Other definitions can be found here

Definition requested by blue_sea7000

[spring stone]

Isn't engaged means (will get marriage)

[queen wedge]

formal

[spring stone]

oh

Good advice 👍

[queen wedge]

Yes but in that context it means “involved”

[queen wedge]

for example

it should be Dear/Good afternoon/ Mr. Joe

And a colon after

it’s too direct as well & the writing style is not formal enough

just wanted to point that out

but you got feedback

From other ppl

[spring stone]

yes you are ➡️

[spring stone]

To Michael :

Hallo bro
I hope you doing good in Frankfurt, I miss that time when all of the family eat the dinner togather every thursday
As you know, now after I went to Roma I can't find time to do every thing I want to do, work as HR come with a lot of problems, I hope I can come to Germany to see you and the family in Desmber.
Roma is a beautiful city, but not that quite, I am waiting to sunday every week to have that quite and peacful time away from work, I relly want you to come here and see the Colosseum, have a good day.

Your brother

---

I know that (Hallo) should be with E in English

[upper wigeon]

Yeah but being too informal can also sound too insensitive depending on the scale of the company

[celest ginkgo]

@spring stone you still need feedback?

[spring stone]

If you can

[celest ginkgo]

Yeah of course

[upper wigeon]

To Michael,

Hallo bro (informal but I presume that's intentional)
I hope you're doing well in Frankfurt, I miss the times when all of the family would eat dinner together every Thursday. As you know, after I went to Roma I can't (consider replacing can't with haven't been able to) find the time to do everything I want to do, working in HR comes with a lot of problems (that take up much of my time?), I hope I can come to Germany to visit you and the family in December.
Roma is a beautiful but not that quiet (consider replacing with quite loud), I await every Sunday for the quiet and peaceful time away from work, I really want you to come here and see the Colloseum (with me sometime?), have a good day - Your brother | that's my suggestions, though my punctuation is probably off since I suck at that

[spring stone]

thanks,

[celest ginkgo]

Hallo bro
I hope you**’re** doing good in Frankfurt, I miss that the times when all of the family would eat the dinner togather together every Thursday.
As you know, now after I went to Roma I can't find time to do every thing I want to do, work as HR come with a lot of problems, I hope I can come to Germany to see you and the family in Desmber December.
Roma is a beautiful city, but not that quite quiet, I am waiting to wait for sunday every week to have that quite quiet and peacful peaceful time away from work, I relly really want you to come here and see the Colosseum, have a good day.

Overall it flowed pretty well, small spelling mistakes but nothing big. In the place I highlighted with italics, I wasn’t too sure on what you meant.

[spring stone]

Thanks

[spring stone]

I meant ( I am to busy )

[upper wigeon]

Work with hr come with isn't ever really correct, should be work with hr if they have to work together with hr, but I know they work in hr so it should be working in hr comes

[spring stone]

.↘️↙️➡️⬆️↘️↗️⬅️

[celest ginkgo]

Yeah I wasn’t sure as I said in the last part

But I agree with your fix up

[queen wedge]

?

[upper wigeon]

If you work with 20 people and you're threatening to lay off a long time employee that best not be too formal, in case they do return and you have to keep working with them

[queen wedge]

no

You should be formal

It’s business

[upper wigeon]

Cultural I guess

[queen wedge]

it would be egregious to not be formal

[queen wedge]

There are a lot of

Comma splices that need fixing

Also capitalize Sunday

[upper wigeon]

Yeah I think I said that about what I said as well haha, I suck at that

[queen wedge]

& work on style and fluidity

imma switch to my laptop

Nvm I’m too lazy I judt came from school

[queen wedge]

for example: “…to have some/a bit of quiet and peaceful time away from work. I really want you to come here and see the Colosseum.

Have a good day.”

the “now” is also awkward

[fervent valve]

can someone review an essay i wrote, i feel like my second and third body paragraphs are much weaker compared to my first one and i need help finding holes in my points it so i can make them stronger

i can dm a pdf of the essay if anyones willing

[sullen turret]

ill read

[celest ginkgo]

Yes I am well aware but I wasn’t entirely sure what he meant so I just left it in italics

[sullen turret]

i wrote a poem titled “Botanical Sadness” i’m quite proud of it. It’s the first poem i’ve written since last summer and i think i want to get back into poetry i’ll dm if someone wants to read it

[queen wedge]

Is it too late to say sorry

[fervent valve]

🥀

[queen wedge]

Sure!

[queen wedge]

Gng school is choking me rn 🥀☺️

[solid spear]

Sure if you want!

[heady nova]

Greetings dear honored guest, I wish to burden you with proofreading once again.
Photoperiodism is the term used to describe the response of an organism to a seasonal change in day length.
A vegetative light cycle usually is 18-20 hours of sunlight.
The flowering light cycle is usually 12-12 hours of sunlight.
Short-day plant flowers, 12-12 or less, are chrysanthemums and strawberries for a start.
Long day plant flowers, 12-12 or more, are potatoes, lettuce, and spinach just to name a few.
Day-neutral plant flowers at any cycle, such as tomato, sunflower, and cucumber.
Perennials live for more than two years. The example for perennial plant are roses, lavender and fruit trees.
Annual plants are those that complete their entire life cycle within a single growth season, from germination to seed production and then death.
The examples include sunflowers, corn, watermelon, wheat, and rice.
Biennials are any herbaceous flowering plants that complete their life cycle in two growth seasons, such as carrots, beetroot, kale, and Brussels sprouts.
Herbaceous is the term used to describe object relating to herbs.

An epiphyte is a plant or plant-like organism that grows on the surface of another plant and derives its moisture and nutrients from the air, rain, water, or debris accumulating around it. The examples include orchids (กล้วยไม้), bird's-nest fern, philodendron, fern, Swiss cheese plant, fern leaf cactus, moss, and bromeliads.
A xerophyte is a species of plant that has adaptations to survive in an environment with little liquid. Cacti, pineapples, and some gymnosperm plants, xerophyte are for instance.
Mangosteen (มังคุด) is harder to grow than mango. Mango is harder to grow than rose apple (ชมพู่). Mangosteen usually has a lifespan of 100 years. Mango usually has a lifespan of 40-60 or 100 years. Thai people say it lives more than 100 years or so, I believe.
มะม่วงน้ำดอกไม้ is the most popular in Thailand. It is famous for its large size and sweetness.
มะม่วงอกร่อง is famous for its aromatic scent. It is also famous for its sweet and sour taste.
มะม่วงเขียวเสวย is famous for its sweet and sour taste. It is also famed for its crispy flesh.
Rose apple trees typically have a lifespan of 20 to 30 years.

[solid spear]

First row "Greeting dear honor guest" currently that makes it sound wierd and non proper grammar use "Greeting, honored guest.

[heady nova]

Thank you

[heady nova]

Well, this is a collection of terms and their definitions. You might want to vary the prose with constructions such as "Photoperiodism is a term used to describe the response..." or "The response of an organism to a seasonal change in the length of the day is termed/called photoperiodism."

The lines that talk about short-day plant flowers, long-day... flowers, --all sorts of flower in fact, are clauses. They aren't full sentences because they don't contain verbs. Please fix that.

Also you need to edit them to place the examples next to the entities they are example of. For example it should be "Short-day plant flowers, such as chrysanthemums and strawberries..." Same for the rest--perennials as well.

Change "The examples are..." and "The examples include..." to "Examples of such plants include...."

I am not sure whether "grow season" is an acceptable term unless it's a scientific term. I'd go with "growth season". Please check this and all the terms you have used. See to it that they adhere to the manner in which these terminologies are used in the subject your writing forms part of.

Frankly, this is one big mess that you need to revise and edit heavily. It looks like the first draft of the output from a translating app/software. It's nowhere close to the finished product you have in mind.

[abstract blaze]

I need native speaker

who can do cold calling for our team

[heady nova]

I thank you dear honored guest.

[heady nova]

Hello there!

I’ve just finished writing an essay for a study scholarship and would really appreciate it if anyone could help me review it, since I’m quite skeptical about its cohesion.

[terse ferry]

Hi! I can do this. How long is it?

[heady nova]

Hello! Could you please check your DMs?

[random notch]

DMs open for guy

[olive path]

[glad charm]

Be gone, deviless

[halcyon folio]

How you write poems?

[jolly yarrow]

whats yall take on this title for a book: my reflection in her eyes (the love that defined me)

[heady nova]

Sounds a bit like the protagonist full of it. Also, the two parts don’t link together

[jolly yarrow]

Ty the two parts wont be together but yeah its about the protagonist saw himself by loving someone

[jolly rivet]

[heady nova]

Well, a title has to titillate the reader into reading the book. Which is why it has to be crisp and short enough to arouse interest in the audience.

Usually, titles that stand alone and don’t clutch at parenthetical subheads work wonderfully well.

So with all that said, my feedback would be: collapse the title into fewer words and do away with the parenthesis and its contents.

[jolly yarrow]

Ty

[spring stone]

Should I say
(Look to the bright side)
or (Look to the positiv side)?

or - Look to the good side)

[formal hearth]

"Look on the bright side"
for the best impact

[sturdy hearth]

shouldn't it be at?

[formal hearth]

honestly there are a ton of articles that fit, but that’s the one I kept hearing about the most

[queen wedge]

it’s more unnatural

[glad charm]

smol note: those are prepositions not articles!

'in' and 'at'

[formal hearth]

Oops, wasn’t careful enough, need some rest ig

[sturdy hearth]

I see!, thanks :)

[queen wedge]

https://tenor.com/view/royalty-royals-royal-family-monarchy-british-monarchy-gif-24277533

[glad charm]

The queeeeen :0

[glad charm]

slay ✨

[dense magnet]

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[wild lark]

Hello, I have to prepare for a presentation at my university.
I got two texts about 4 sentences long that are nearly the same.

The assignment was to try to find 2 to 3 native English speakers to read those short texts and ask which one they prefer and their reasoning.
I am unsure if I should post the text here or DM it.

Thank you very much

[granite raven]

I am not a Native Speaker but post it here i want to see it... Just Curious and I feel like this is some sort of a prank......🤔 🤔 🤔

[glad charm]

why would this be a prank lol

they're just asking for help with their schoolwork

[solid light]

Sup. I've made a sum up of some texts that I read recently and I would love to have it proofread. I may come back here for the same reason as I'm reading the same text again and again to grasp as much notions as possible. Thanks in advance. I have no exams related to it, it's an exercise I do for myself. Thank you in advance

"The central word in Camus' work is absurdity, additional to the detachment with the notion of transcendence. Camus lived in a time here political and religious ideas were doomed to the realities of contemporary history.
In regards to that, Camus points out that an individual who is honest with that reality tends to feel a void created by the absurdity of a world without gods and transcendance, forcing them to face the condition of their own live as well as the absence of what drives it. Camus then highlights that such man, stolen from any meaning, is likely to contemplate suicide as the ultimate tool to such torturous condition.
Even though Camus acknowledges this thought process, he positions himsleves heavily against suicide because he believes that some components of this life makes it worth living. The love you have for your family or companions is one of them which doesn't require existential questioning or a quest for the greater. He also mentions that the void could be used to teach us what transpires outside its shadows."

[jagged parrot]

Hi everyone, I would love to hear your feedback and ideas on this story I am starting: A shabby, rundown place—a pit of filth. I wouldn’t want to end up here, not even in my worst nightmare. That callous sicko Cid better start pulling his weight and learn to do things the way he’s supposed to. He gets on my nerves every time he opens his filthy mouth to spout something outrageous. God knows how that tongue—slicker than honey—buttered up the old man. That weasel slips away like a greased pig every time I think I’ve got his shoddy ass in a chokehold.
Now that he’s on the boss’s good side, Cid is pushing his luck, ain’t he? The boss is being too soft on him. Tch. Years of groveling—wagging my tail like a mutt—all for nothing.
Hmm. Maybe the boss caught wind that I’ve got a knack for sweet-talking. Took him long enough.
The boss isn’t taking the low road, that’s for sure. He’s not the type to lay low either. Must be taking his sweet time, napping on Wendy’s lap right now. He’s probably getting bled dry by that leech of a woman—bet she’s eyeing another diamond. And look at him, jumping through hoops. He’s making a big move this time just to appease her.
Ahhh. That wench better not. She ought to know I call the shots. A slip of the tongue is all it takes to show that woman her place. I wouldn’t be breaking my word if I told the boss about one or two of her flings, would I? He’d be fuming. That sight alone would be worthwhile.

That sleazy old man—he’s getting more demanding by the day. Ain’t it time he croaked already? He’s got mistresses on every corner of this town. I was sure one of those vultures would've wrung him dry by now—left him nothing but a husk.
(Phone rings)
Well, this is a surprise, Boss. Thought you forgot all about your favorite partner in crime. Let me guess—another mole to crush, or just miss my voice?
……… Did she? ………..
I know she loves you with all her—
……. She even bought a Rolex yesterday for your anniversary.
……. My mistake. Maybe she meant to give it to you on your birthday next month.
….. You know she loves you, right? And …….
………No……….I’d never……….I hope you don’t misunderstand my well-meaning words, will you?
….. Alright…. Yes, Boss.
(Puts the phone in the pocket)
Damn old man. (Snickers) He must be livid—she used her platinum card to buy her lover a watch worth a fortune.

[jagged parrot]

https://tenor.com/view/anybody-leah-rilke-the-wilds-can-someone-help-me-i-need-help-gif-19528434

🥹

[radiant cape]

can i find anyone chinese in here ?

[glad charm]

Reallyy one thing I'd say is 'I hope you don’t misunderstand my well-meaning words, will you?' should either be

I hope you won't misunderstand my well-meaning words, will you?
or
I hope you don’t misunderstand my well-meaning words, do you?

I feel the first is much better

otherwise, the writing is great

the formatting could use some work

Probably want to add quotation marks around the spoken parts, also

[glad charm]

By that, I mean you should add proper spacing between the paragraphs

and maybe format the phone-call part differently

Surely there are online guides on how to format a 1-sided phone call in a novel

I'll note that, though they are useful, try not to overuse em dashes

It can make the writing come off as a bit informal and can take away from the strength of em dashes

[glad charm]

Another thing is 'puts the phone in his pocket' sounds much more natural than 'puts the phone in the pocket'

One optional thing is putting the actions in italics instead of between brackets

Phone rings
instead of
(Phone rings)

Puts the phone in his pocket
instead of
(Puts the phone in the pocket)

Sinckers
instead of
(Snickers)

Though if this is to be read aloud by people, it may be easier to understand that brackets indicate that something isn't spoken and easier to spot

If there is a narrator, it would be best for them to describe these things

Another, though minor, thing I'd mention is that normally 'hmm' and 'ahh' and suchlike are followed by a comma not a full stop

Though that may be a matter of personal choice since normally one can take librities with the punctuation of works of fiction as a means to the conveyance of a certain emotion or pacing

[jagged parrot]

Thanks a lot. My grammar really sucks. The use of comma, colon, em dash really confuse me a lot. But I really wanna use them to add detail in my writing.

[inner osprey]

Hellooo everyone!
I recently wrote a chapter for a book I am planning to post on wattpad. Could you guys take a look and let me know your thoughts?

Here it goes:
Sunday.
The metro was late. Again.
Ira leaned against a pillar at the station, earbuds in, music paused. She liked the illusion of silence it gave — like she could fold herself out of existence without anyone noticing.
The platform buzzed. People chattered. Shoes scraped against concrete.
The city churned forward, unbothered.

Then something shifted.
A stillness, sharp and sudden. Like a breath held between heartbeats.
Her gaze drifted toward the far end of the platform.

He stood near the edge. Unnoticed. Somehow apart from the crowd waiting for the next train. Just… there.
Long black coat. Hands buried in his pockets.
The space around him bent slightly, like reality wasn’t sure he belonged.
He turned.
Their eyes met.
Midnight black. Endless.
Hollow, like a well that echoed.
He didn’t blink.
And then — a smile.
Not warm. Not charming.
A slow, humourless curve of the mouth, like he knew something she hadn’t remembered yet.

The metro whooshed past her — loud, sudden — breaking her stillness.
By the time she looked again, he was gone.
She pushed through the crowd, eyes scanning the blur of coats and shadows. One hand instinctively pressed to her now tingling wrist.

Let me know how it feels, and if any suggestions?

[modern pike]

Hi Guys

[inner osprey]

Please? 😭

[blissful kraken]

sure

[shut surge]

so this is the third or fourth time i read it, it feels different now.
it feels emotionally dark, pressing.
hope something might happen, and somehow i felt my pulse increasing as i read.

at first i felt it was fine as it is but it just now occured to me that there should be a "silence" after "by the time she looked again, he was gone."
it is somehow anticlimatic and we need time to recover. before moving on.

do you see what i mean?

[inner osprey]

Yes I do, and thank you!

That was the exact emotional response I was going for here

It's an excerpt from a larger book so it might make sense to read the whole thing once it's ready

[shut surge]

yes, although this particular part could stand alone somewhere.
i feel it could be part of a painting/drawing.

[sweet mulch]

Pretty good - feels very Noir-style to me.
One literary device you could use is to vary the length of your sentences.

Short sentences.
People use short sentences.
They make an impact.
But slow down reading.
Don't use too many.

See what I mean?

[slate drift]

Hello everyone. I wrote a poem for my ex-girlfriend (long distance) but never had the chance to show her. I would love to hear thoughts on it.

I held your voice like it was gold,
Across the static, across the cold.
We built a love through pixel screens,
You were my reality, beyond my dreams.

Time zones tried to wear us thin,
But I fought each hour just to let you in.
Midnight calls and morning texts,
You were my first, my last, my next.

I counted stars just to feel close,
Mapped your city like it was home.
Every time I said to you “soon, my love,”
I believed in us, in stars above.

We whispered vows through screens and tears,
Promised forever across the years.
You said we were like swans, bound by fate—
A love that never separates.

I held on to that with all my soul,
Believed that bond could make us whole.
But even swans can drift away...
When one forgets, and one still stays.

Lately, your voice began to fade,
Like songs forgotten, memories delayed.
Your "I miss you" lost its weight,
And silence took your place like fate.

I watched you drift, too far to hold,
Your words grew empty, your touch went cold.
And I’m stuck rereading the things you said,
Trying to bring life to a love that's dead.

Long distance didn’t break my heart,
It was how you slowly fell apart.
How you made me feel like too much need,
When all I craved was love to feed.

Now I sleep with the phone on loud,
Still hoping you'll come back somehow.
I scroll up to “I love you the most,”
Like it’s a message sent by a ghost.

You were worth every aching mile,
Every tear behind every smile.
And even though you’re gone and free,
Some part of you still lives in me.

We weren't just lovers—we were more,
We were swans... and swans don’t close the door.
But now you've left, torn off your wings,
And I’m just stuck remembering things.

So here’s my truth, raw and bare:
I loved you more than you were ever aware.
And though you've let me go, let me fall,
I'm still holding on... to nothing at all.

— Me

[jagged parrot]

https://tenor.com/view/heart-broken-sad-gif-23341753

[quasi ravine]

wow great @slate drift

[slate drift]

Thank you haha

[inner osprey]

Got it, I'll keep that in mind, thank you!

https://www.wattpad.com/myworks/397373918-linger

Hello y'all good people,

My first ever novel is out now... If you like slow-burn romance with some supernatural adventurous twist, this might be an interesting read for you!

Hope you do check it out and let me know your thoughts!

Thank you ❤️

[ashen trellis]

Ok

[glad charm]

Why would I know where she is

I won't chat here

[mighty raptor]

Hey, sorry to interrupt, I don't know where else I could ask this, but is there any way I could get my report plag checked? It's 20 pages

[split ginkgo]

@mighty raptor i can help you

Sent me the pdf

[tender blade]

I think it's liberty not librity

[tender blade]

Sure drop it

[tender blade]

Can you make it shorter? It's too long

[fast latch]

Lol^

[undone torrent]

Lol

[steel walrus]

Yes, just send him your credit card info and bank password 💯

he'll make your day awesome!!

[inner osprey]

Hi guys,

I just completed my first ever novel and posted it on wattpad...
If you guys like works of Emily St. John Mandel, Ava Reid, Laini Taylor; you might like my novel as well!

The logline is:
A drifting artist haunted by déjà vu begins to remember past lives, uncovering a forbidden love and a hidden war threatening to erase her for good.

The link: https://www.wattpad.com/story/397373918-linger

Please let me know if you take a look and read it, I would love to hear your opinions!

[jagged parrot]

Please tell me this isn’t another one of those Booktok thirst traps. Is anyone writing true gothic or cosmic horror anymore, something rich, atmospheric, and artfully layered like the classics? It feels like every dark tale now has to come bundled with a love interest with six-pack and cliched "forbidden romance" type shiz. Gosh I thoroughly repulsed by this now! Is no one safe from the thirst epidemic in the reading community? If this isn’t one of those and even if there’s romance, but subtle, clean, and in the spirit of old-school storytelling. I’d genuinely love to see how you write.

[inner osprey]

I feel you will enjoy it, and no it's not a booktok thirst trap. The storyline is steady and the buildup is engaging.

[jagged parrot]

will read it.

[tardy rapids]

guys anyone wanna join a chill minecraft server msg me

[inner osprey]

Thank you, please let me know what you think

[sonic isle]

@wild lark Hello, dm me your presentations. I can help.

[worthy spade]

is this good?

I would like to join recruitment team because, i like recruiting instead of regular patrolling and i think that i would enjoy helping recruit people i was also recommended to join my Zenbot and was told i would be pretty good at recruitment team and i also like trying out new things.

[sharp hedge]

I wish you luck

[misty jungle]

Smaller sentences.

Use I not i.

"I would like to join [the/your] recruitment team"

I would like to join [the] recruitment team. I [enjoy] recruiting more than regular patrolling and would enjoy helping to recruit people. I was advised to join my Zenbot and was recommened for the position due to my current skills. Thank you.

(Still bad but better 🙂 )

[jagged parrot]

https://tenor.com/view/wtf-is-this-john-malkovich-what-the-hell-what-is-going-on-gif-15731558

[glad charm]

Hello, sir, this is the proofreading channel

It's a channel where we send our written works and ask others to correct grammatical and punctuative mistakes

[placid rain]

:x: That word could not be found in the dictionary.

[jagged parrot]

here's the rewritten piece what you guys think of it. please let me know. story:

A shabby, rundown place. A pit of filth. I wouldn’t want to end up here, not even in my worst nightmare. That callous sicko Cid better start pulling his weight and learn to do things the way he’s supposed to. He gets on my nerves every time he opens his filthy mouth to spout something outrageous. God knows how that tongue, slicker than honey, buttered up the old man. That weasel slips away like a greased pig every time I think I’ve got his shoddy ass in a chokehold. Now that he’s on the boss’s good side, Cid is pushing his luck, ain’t he? The boss is being too soft on him. Tch. Years of groveling, wagging my tail like a mutt, all for nothing. Hmm. Maybe the boss caught wind that I’ve got a knack for sweet-talking. Took him long enough.
The boss isn’t taking the low road, that’s for sure. He’s not the type to lay low either. Must be taking his sweet time, napping on Wendy’s lap right now listening to sweet nothing. He’s probably getting bled dry by that leech of a woman—bet she’s eyeing another diamond. And look at him, jumping through hoops. He’s making a big move this time just to appease her.
Ahhh. That wench better not. She ought to know I call the shots. A slip of the tongue is all it takes to show that woman her place. I wouldn’t be breaking my word if I told the boss about one or two of her flings, would I? He’d be fuming. That sight alone would be worthwhile. That sleazy old man, he’s getting more demanding by the day. Ain’t it time he croaked already? He’s got mistresses on every damn corner. I was sure one of those vultures would've wrung him dry by now. Left him nothing but a husk.

(Phone rings) Well, this is a surprise, Boss. Thought you forgot all about your favorite partner in crime. Let me guess. Another mole to crush, or just miss my voice?
……… Did she? ………..
I know she loves you with all her …….
She even bought a Rolex yesterday for your anniversary. ……. Oh, that’s next year, my mistake.
Maybe she meant to give it to you on your birthday next month …..
You know she loves you, right? And …….
………No……….I’d never……….I hope you won’t misunderstand my well-meaning words, will you?
….. Alright…. Yes, Boss.
(Puts the phone in his pocket) Damn old man. (Snickers) He must be livid—she used his platinum card to buy her lover a watch worth a fortune.
Stranger 1: Hey bud! What’re you doing here? It isn’t like you to be here at this hour. Shouldn’t you be glued to the boss right now like always to curry favour and fail? Well well (checks his phone) now…it finally sunk in that ship sailed. Mind you, he chose Cid over you and he didn’t even lift a finger.pfft. You should be wagging your tail for Cid, instead huh? (clicks his tongue). He might throw a bone if the service feels right. Tch. Well whatever. (looks at the dark corner) Hey! You coming or what? We’ve got company. Say hello.
Stranger 2: These bugs are killing me. Is this the guy we need fixing?

Lloyd (grumbling to himself): Now he’s sending his lackeys now. hmph. Thinks I’m not even worth showing a face. That mutt’s got some nerve. Does he think I wouldn’t sniff out the mole he planted in my crew.
Llyod: Well, who crawled out of the shadow. You must’ve grown balls of steel to come around in my turf and play brother with my crew, huh! (Whistles) We’ve got the bait, boys. Come out. (lights the ciggerettes) Kids shouldn’t be playing around in the dark. Ahh. Let this be lesson to you, okay? You see, we don’t need a liability and you, kid is the one I’ve got to look after for the boss. You’re lucky that the boss took a liking to your boss, if not for the boss you would’ve been in ditch, dead, a long time ago, sweet boy. But the thing is all I’ve only been asked to keep you breathing. No one said anything about keeping you intact, did they?

[cinder lintel]

Hey There!

I am a newcomer, and I do not know how to benefit from proofreading chat. So, could you tell what I should do?

[jagged parrot]

post your story or anything here and wait for someone to pick up and give feedback. just like i did above.

[cinder lintel]

@jagged parrot

Thanks.

This a review on Writing and Reading book.

Writing and Reading is a book written by Naipaul, who has won the Nobel Prize in Literature. It can be considered as a practical experience that supports the well-known phrase: "It's never too late."

Also, I see my own experience and real personal development through that book. It gives me the aspiration to keep going, and one day, I will be saying, "I did it!" — just like Naipaul, who faced struggles at the beginning of his life that slightly hindered him from achieving his cherished dream of becoming a good writer.

For instance, he suffered from weak reading materials that were not enough to benefit him, the fact that his country was occupied, and a lack of personal writing skills, etc. However, his father always encouraged him and read to him loudly. There were also other positive factors that made his dream not impossible!

He was a strong person who did not give up, as he exerted a strenuous effort to keep going until his dream came true. Over time, he wrote many literary works such as:

Miguel Street (1959)

A House for Mr. Biswas (1961) – his most celebrated novel

Mr. Stone and the Knights Companion (1963)

In a Free State (1971) – Booker Prize Winner

Personally, I see that the book is a valuable invitation to work hard and to whisper to yourself that you can, and one day, you will. I highly recommend it to anyone who wants to learn the effective steps to raise their potential and become a public figure after being unknown in the past.

[abstract pulsar]

Can someone please check my introduction?

Hope serves as a purpose for humanity to continue existing as when people don’t have a future generation to leave the world to, the world will begin to decay. Alfonso Cuarón’s 2006 dystopian film, Children of Men, encapsulates the horrors and humanity of society by entailing a post-apocalyptic setting in London where women have been infertile for over 18 years, creating a collapse in civilisation. A former activist and reluctant hero, Theo, has been tasked to escort a miraculously pregnant woman, Kee, who’s also a refugee, to a sanctuary at sea, an envisioned utopia called the Human Project. The film follows Theo’s journey from a despondent and cynical attitude to a temporal triumph, confronting a series of sociopolitical themes that plague our contemporary society, such as immigration, class division and war. Cuarón’s employment of stylistic choices such as non-diegetic sounds, symbolism, in conjunction with one-take shots work together to communicate the idea without something to place our hope in, our world will disintegrate and lose its shared humanity, thus, highlighting the miracles that rekindled hope brings by uniting us.

[empty smelt]

This a review on of the book Writing and Reading.

The title of a book should be italicized.
You need to use an article (in this case, "the") when mentioning a specific noun.
Reordering this sentence to put "book" before its title is necessary because the audience is not yet familiar with this specific book.

Writing and Reading is a book written by Naipaul, who has won the Nobel Prize in Literature. It can be considered as a practical experience that supports the well-known phrase: "It's never too late."

Also, I see my own experience and real personal development through that book. It gives me the aspiration to keep going, and one day, I will be saying, "I did it!"—just like Naipaul, who faced struggles at the beginning of his life that slightly hindered him from achieving his cherished dream of becoming a good writer.

The first sentence here is worded very strangely and I'm not sure exactly what you mean. You could say, "I see myself in that book," to suggest that you identify with Naipaul's experiences. "Real personal development" feels very out of place here and if you'd like to include it I'd suggest elaborating.
I'm not sure whether you meant to use the word "slightly" as it doesn't really make sense in this context. It downplays the severity of his struggles rather than emphasizing his strength in overcoming them.
Spaces are not generally used before and after an em dash.

For instance, he suffered from weak reading materials that were not enough to benefit him, the fact that his country was occupied, and a lack of personal writing skills. etc. However, his father always encouraged him and read to him loudly aloud. There were also other positive factors that made his dream not impossible possible!

"Etc." feels a bit awkward here and isn't necessary, because by introducing them with "for instance," you make it clear that these list items are just examples, not an exhaustive list.

He was a strong person who did not give up, as he exerted a strenuous effort to keep going until his dream came true. Over time, he wrote many literary works**,** such as:

Miguel Street (1959)

A House for Mr. Biswas (1961) – his most celebrated novel

Mr. Stone and the Knights Companion (1963)

In a Free State (1971) – Booker Prize Winner

Personally, I see ~~that ~~the book as a valuable invitation to work hard and to whisper to yourself that you can, and one day, you will. I highly recommend it to anyone who wants to learn the effective steps to raise their potential and become a public figure after being unknown in the past.

"I see that..." isn't a great way to introduce your viewpoint on something. It suggests a more personal realization rather than an opinion. "I see the book as..." makes it clear that you're sharing what your view of the book is.

Overall a really moving and well-written piece, great job!

[empty smelt]

Hope serves as a purpose for humanity to continue existing**.** When people don’t have a future generation to leave the world to, the world will begin to decay.

"As" seems like an inappropriate conjunction here. It suggests that hope serves as a purpose for human existence because without it, the world will decay, when really it's the other way around. I think it flows more naturally when separated into two sentences.

Alfonso Cuarón’s 2006 dystopian film Children of Men encapsulates the horrors and humanity of society by entailing a post-apocalyptic setting in London where women have been infertile for over 18 years, creating a collapse in leading to the collapse of civilisation. A former activist and reluctant hero, Theo, has been tasked to escort with escorting a miraculously pregnant woman, Kee, who’s also a refugee, to a sanctuary at sea, an envisioned utopia called the Human Project.

Use quotes or italicize the specific project name. I suggest a paragraph break here to help with readibility and signal a shift in focus from summary to analysis.

The film follows Theo’s journey from a despondent and cynical attitude to a temporal triumph, confronting a series of sociopolitical themes that plague our contemporary society, such as immigration, class division and war. Cuarón’s employment of stylistic choices**,** such as including non-diegetic sounds and symbolism in conjunction with one-take shots**,** work together to communicate the idea that without something to place our hope in, our world will disintegrate and lose its shared humanity, thus highlighting the miracles that rekindled hope brings by uniting us.

Great work! Just a couple technicalities

[empty smelt]

This sounds very natural and I found it very enjoyable! I don't have much feedback. I've listed a couple litte things. Overall, I'd suggest playing around with the format a bit because it's a bit confusing atm. For one, you're inconsistent with the formatting and punctuation of and around the actions in parenthesis.

• Must be taking his sweet time, napping on Wendy’s lap right now listening to sweet nothings.
• Well**,** well**.** (checks his phone) Now…it finally sunk in that ship sailed.

I don't really understand what you're trying to express with this sentence. "That ship has sailed" or "That ship has finally sunk," maybe?
• Now he’s sending his lackeys now. Hmph.
• Does Did he think I wouldn’t sniff out the mole he planted in my crew**?**
• Well, look who crawled out of the shadow.
• You see, we don’t need a liability and you, kid**,** is are the one I’ve got to look after for the boss.
• You’re lucky that the boss took a liking to your boss**. If not for the boss you would’ve been in ditch, dead, a long time ago, sweet boy.
• But the thing is,** all I’ve only been asked is to keep you breathing.

You could definitely get away with technically questionable punctuation in a lot of places because of how stylistic this piece is.

[jagged parrot]

Thank you for taking the time to review it and provide feedback.

[abstract pulsar]

tysm!! i appreciate it

[heady nova]

Hey anybody there to teach me how to proofread a document?

[glad charm]

This was very long ago, so you may not remember, but I today, whilst reading a portion of a book from the 1920s, happaned upon the queerest spelling of 'connections': 'connexions'. I was immediately reminded of this conversation we had and thought I'd share with you this discovery!

Reflexion, inflexion, and now connexion

A 1920s spelling is by no means archaic. At worst this is dated

[tight condor]

White space is any sequence of literal space characters, formatting characters, or comments.

monster S$ energy drink tag element s.

::

Consequently, they are not recognised as two separate tokens, but instead disallowed.
(tokens) monsters proof?

TMP with Paladium shoework.

post scriptum with(out)?

[magic coyote]

I wrote an article about recent events in Turkey. Check it out if you want to learn more about the topic https://medium.com/@barisylkn05/turkey-on-fire-incompetent-state-fails-its-people-once-again-fc549b75689a

[compact parrot]

A soft melody lingers throughout the worn out, age-stained halls. Torn paintings attempt to hold onto some aristocratic grace. At the end of such a hall, where the melody and the nausea are the most intensifying - I find myself entranced at a painting; that appears to be too new for these crumbling walls. As I reach for it, the headache grows ever so intense - the melody reaches its chilling climax; I begin to shake and pant from a surprising feeling of coldness. Raising my flickering lantern with my shaking hand, I attempt to process what stands before me.

Through the flickering flames which grow as fearful as I do, the full face of the painting is shown in its true colours. The colours are dull and the canvas of poor quality - it would be poor in all but the contents, which to me prove disastrous, and chilling.

Upon it, a figure stands half-formed by shadow and flame, in his hand a lantern with a soft glow; as if nearing the moment where it can fight off the darkness, no more. The man faces some sort of a canvas, perhaps a painting - itself covered in crimson, in a rather wild and bashful manner, almost ritualistic in its madness. Next to the crimson artwork, on a night-table beside the man; rests a mirror. Within the reflection of its broken shards, I see eyes that should not exist, burning red eyes that stare directly into me.

With eyes flicking like panicked insects, I back away from the painting, as the cold and the melody have gotten to an intensity that the walls seem to close in, each crack reverberating a syllable I can't quite understand but instinctively imploring me to run. However, I feel a great urge to take one last look at the painting; something primal, unfathomable to my primitive brain speaks to me - advising me and urging me to flee, rather than look back on that visage of colors.

My sight lands on the painting again. The expected horrors refuse to materialize and all looks as it was before. Dull in colours, boring in theme.

However, the red eyes in the mirror are now gone, and I find my body physically hurting, as the cold has reached my bones and the melody is growing skull-crushingly loud. Realising I have no more time to think about the halls, the painting, or anything for that matter - I flee, running through the halls as the melody and the pounding of footsteps become a collective union of several smaller footsteps that chase after me, relentlessly.

Heart hammering like trapped birds, I reach the exit through which I entered, and leaving the mansion I immediately feel my headache and cold shivering disappearing; a grim thought of what was truly causing that pain, goes through my head.

Walking through the path that leads away from the mansion - once more do I feel a sinister urge to look back; as well as my primal, deepest voice advising me to continue running, to not turn back. As I choose to turn around, to give one last look at this unfathomable structure of melodies and secrets, in the corner of my eyes, at the uppermost window, on the top floor, I gaze upon the very same, grim and chilling entity that I had shared my presence with inside that mansion:‌ Red eyes with a deep-seated hatred that appear as if they’ll jump through the window and chase after me, relentlessly and without rest - and only God and his angels could stop it, though I wonder on some sleepless nights; if even that would be enough.

I turn around and give chase, through the trees and the marshes, until I reach the only thing that gives humans a feeling of safety and protection:‌ humanity. Though I have attempted my best to find comfort and solace in their presence, on some nights when I am surrounded by them; on each and every one of them I see lingering visages of those very same eyes:‌ red with a deep-burning hatred that sends coldness and paranoia deep into my bones like a needle covered in sand paper. Though, it is better than being alone – my eyes begin to feel swollen, as if something is deeply wrong with them; as though they are not mine anymore. I have no eyes.

Could someone please give me advice on how to make a human-like being that hunts the character in this story? Im trying to get the story to actually scare the reader instead of showing that the character is scared.

[proper sapphire]

I'm no expert but I can give my humble opinion

1. I think the most important thing you need to keep in mind is the build-up leading to the reveal/climactic scene. Because your writing seems to be in the middle of the action, I (as a reader) am missing a big part of the build-up, so the reveal doesn't make me feel anything. But it can if I start from the very beginning

2. You want to make the reader scared instead of showing that the character is scared. So, use fewer 'emotion' words for your writing. If you say something is "chilling" or "fearful," you're telling the reader this is how they're supposed to feel instead of letting them decide for themselves. Of course, I don't mean you shouldn't use any 'emotion' word at all, but your writing seems to overdo it a bit (in my opinion). Maybe with half of them cut out, you can focus on describing the atmosphere in greater detail and intensity. Also, some of the words you used are kinda 'big,' so they draw attention to themselves instead of what's happening

You might also want to focus your descriptions on the really, really scary parts, but try not to describe everything. Let the reader fill in some of the blanks themselves. There's a reason why that one Lovecraft quote is so famous

One thing I like to do with my own writing to evoke dread/discomfort is to lengthily describe a few things. For example, based on your writing, how the cracks in the walls look and extend, maybe liken them to human veins, then leading to how the place feels like a living being and the character is inside of it?

3. The scene here is supposed to be suspenseful, but the writing style doesn't really reflect that, especially for the parts where the character is afraid and trying to run away. In writing, I've learned that longer paragraphs/sentences work better to describe a slow scene or a careful observation. But for high-tension scenes, shorter paragraphs/sentences work better

I forgot the original article where I read this, but this one explains it just as well (and better than I did lol). The Art of Paragraphing, 2. Setting the tempo or pacing

[zinc shoal]

I think to some extent, you are trying too hard.

If all you're doing is showing the protagonist being scared then that is not effective. You could describe a monster being present, but in such a way that the reader still has to put pieces together to create the monster in their mind. To create horror you have to make the reader uncertain and create something uncanny. You could simply describe the protagonist's thoughts when they look at that thing. For example:

"My heart dropped, as adrenline made my hands tremble and my breathing shake. A lump formed in my stomach with the realization that this was it, something that I couldn't see but could feel."
There is no reason to put too many details if the reader can already pick up on the protagonist's fear. You don't need to point out the monster, however the reactions of the protagonist.

[violet edge]

Sunday.
The metro was late. Again.
Ira leaned against a pillar at the station, earbuds in, music paused. She liked the illusion of silence it gave — like she could fold herself out of existence without anyone noticing.
The platform buzzed. People chattered. Shoes scraped against concrete.
The city churned forward, unbothered.

Then something shifted.
A stillness, sharp and sudden. Like a breath held between heartbeats.
Her gaze drifted toward the far end of the platform.

He stood near the edge. Unnoticed. Somehow apart from the crowd waiting for the next train. Just… there.
Long black coat. Hands buried in his pockets.
The space around him bent slightly, like reality wasn’t sure he belonged.
He turned.
Their eyes met.
Midnight black. Endless.
Hollow, like a well that echoed.
He didn’t blink.
And then — a smile.
Not warm. Not charming.
A slow, humourless curve of the mouth, like he knew something she hadn’t remembered yet.

The metro whooshed past her — loud, sudden — breaking her stillness.
By the time she looked again, he was gone.
She pushed through the crowd, eyes scanning the blur of coats and shadows. One hand instinctively pressed to her now tingling wrist.

Let me know how it feels, and if any suggestions?

[dense beacon]

This is really great. Perchance you are going to make a part two of this? I really do hope you do, it’s pretty interesting.

[outer fjord]

"Perchance"

ah, got it why you used it. Nvm

[toxic anvil]

@empty forge

[violet edge]

We see a similar fear in The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood. Women are completely cut off from knowledge, to control them on a personal level. Reading allows people to form their own opinions and remember the past. If women read, they might compare the present regime with the time before. They might feel rage or injustice. So, banning books is a way to protect people from emotional disruption, but also to prevent them from any personal awakening. What’s really scary here is the way people internalise this ban. Some women, like Aunt Lydia, even support it. It shows how society can make individuals fear books not just as objects, but as a risk to their identity.

Okay, for here...this is great, too! Again, love the transition words. However, I would probably give some literary evidence for some of what you're saying is occuring in the Handmaid's Tale. For instance, when you write: "So, banning books is a way to protect people from emotional disruption, but also to prevent them from any personal awakening," could you provide proof in the Handmaid's Tale that shows that is true?

"Then, the raised fist on the display, is a symbol of resistance, historically linked to civil rights movements, which turns the act of reading into a revolutionary gesture. In many societies, encouraging reading can be seen as dangerous, especially when it gives a voice to minorities. So while it’s just a school poster, it conveys a message that challenges passive education. It says: Don’t just read but think, and speak."

I LOVE this reference! Remember, that's called an allusion. Consider the diction of "don’t just read but think, and speak," or even just the organization of the poster or the media!
"Finally, despite all these threats books are also portrayed as hopeful."

[quaint viper]

nice analyse i enjoyed reading that

[vapid aspen]

We still want some more man 🔥

[willow flume]

Can anyone proofread my outline of persuasive essay?

[sonic isle]

I can help you out. dm.

[willow flume]

I can’t dm you

Can you add me as ur friend first?

@sonic isle

[plain eagle]

Day 1: One of the Most Hilarious Experiences I’ve Ever Had

I was there, in my room, rummaging around for my game controller, which I ultimately couldn’t find. I realised it was a waste of time and decided to stop searching. At the time, it was around 9:30 PM on a weekday in the middle of the school year, which meant I had to sleep soon and do all those things that come with a school day. I had something for dinner that I can’t quite remember, and then I went to bed around 11:30 PM.

You might be asking: “What’s the funniest thing?” Well, everything really started when I was sleeping… Yes, sleeping! I had two bizarre dreams during the night.

The first dream I want to share felt special because I hadn't dreamed anything for quite some time, at least as far as I can remember. It really stuck in my mind, and I remember it clearly. I found myself at a concert with two famous Spanish content creators, "YoSoyPlex" and "elRubius," while Drake was performing. When the concert ended, the combination of factors—like the location in a bustling city like Málaga, Spain—resulted in the floor actually shaking.

Despite everything sounding amazing, the reality wasn't so great. When the celebrities and I tried to leave after the performance, people were blocking the exits and we needed security help. It felt so strange! I was feeling as if I were a millionaire and an important person in the public eye.

The second, but no less amazing, dream was about an old female friend whom I hadn’t spoken to in almost a year. Surprisingly, I had this second dream on the same night as the first one. She was supposedly living near me. What a coincidence, to be honest! She saw me and despite our not-so-good relationship, she invited me to her house because she was celebrating her birthday.

Once inside, things got worse. There were no people, instead, there were scary robots about two-point-something meters tall. I have to say, I got scared. They started jumping in circles and singing “Happy Birthday”

My memory didn't perform very well and started to drift, affecting my ability to remember. So. I preferred to only share what I’m completely sure about instead of lying. It’s amazing how our mind can create random or plausible scenarios of our life, and how some people narrate dreams that later seem to come true in the real life. What do you think about dreaming? Do you believe dreams are completely separate from the real life, or are they somehow connected?

what do the guys think abt

[frozen apex]

Most curious dreams

[plain eagle]

my 2nd writting were deleted

@frozen apex take a loot at

Day 2: How your affairs can feed through your friendships

There’s no way my affairs could chip away at my friendships… Or at least, that’s what I thought. But I was wrong. When I started keeping a bit of distance from my friends by not hanging out as much as I was used to, a few close friends distanced themselves. Neither a person nor friendships are perfect. That made me ask myself: do I really deserve people who can’t talk things out and instead just disappear from your life without any explanation? I’m pretty sure you’ve experienced that before.

At first, I felt pity, and I even felt miserable, blaming myself as the one responsible, but things ended differently.

Besides the inability of those so-called friends to communicate about what was going on, I delved too deeply into what made me develop a desire to sabotage those friendships — like their new silly and immature behavior, which was due to trying to fit in the wrong place, focusing too much on worthless stuff like alcohol, smoking, and horrible habits — things that don’t sit well with me. And as the valuable person I consider myself to be, there’s no way I could accept that.

That only fueled my desire to evade them, and people often say it’s better to move on when you feel things are different or not suitable for you — and that’s exactly what I did. I also believe pointless friendships don’t deserve to stay close to you.

To sum up, I want to conclude how the people around us can mutually boost our confidence, but also how friendships can sometimes be destructive. Although ending some relationships can be a hard decision due to many factors. It’s not rocket science to stand up for someone; it’s something basic that every human deserves and should be able to do, don’t hope less from anybody. Later on, we become thankful when we see how our new life without toxic people is simpler — far away from silly fights and focused on reaping new positive experiences.

[lucid echo]

HI

[azure needle]

Hu bab

[agile stone]

tf is this bro

u chopped asf ❤️

[agile stone]

holy incel

just blackpill

at least u arent gonna hurt urself with all the wack leg lengthening shit

"im average which is subhuman smv"

sybau gng 💔

its funny when low iq critters challenge other people as if there arent ways to measure urself against a human benchmark

[glad charm]

[dusky maple]

Learning English is not easy—it’s definitely not a piece of cake. You need to stay committed and follow the right roadmap. Don’t waste all your time only watching movies or series; I’ve been doing that for two years, and it’s not enough. Instead, focus on practicing speaking and building a solid foundation in grammar, because grammar is the key to real progress

[willow flume]

Can anyone proofread my writing (Is pretty long :D)

[heady nova]

wtf was that chat?

[sonic isle]

Anyone need help with essay writing.

[dusky maple]

Yup

[echo wave]

Relatable

[plain eagle]

?

[heady nova]

Hello is there any online good ecommerce jobs pls let me know remote

[gusty rock]

бля тут вообще русские есть?

[delicate whale]

English Native Here.
Can Proofread for anyone and also be friends.
DMs Open.

[frosty sparrow]

ещё как (yes)

[strange stratus]

@sleek scarab They say in relativity
time bends around mass
So when A is near B every second stretches like gravity slowing clocks making moments last longer than they should

But when A moves away.. time speeds up again.. leaving B reaching for what slipped too quickly..wondering if it was ever real or just a distortion

If spacetime itself changes depending on who stands close… then tell me, is it physics at work or something beyond equations?

[astral bobcat]

Could i please hav some help increasing my word count

[lone barn]

Hello professor

can you help me

[icy bramble]

hi can someone help me pick my restate sentence for concluding paragraph

This is my thesis statement:
While some people believe that shopping at the mall is the best way to shop, I believe online shopping is a better choice for three reasons.

This is the first restate:
online shopping might not be the greatest way to make purchases for everyone, but it has certain benefits that make it a smarter choice.

This is the second version:
although some people still prefer to make purchases at the mall, online shopping has certain benefits that make it a smarter choice.

[cedar beacon]

I don't know if you still need it, but I'd got with the second version.

[timber holly]

I agree, the last one is my favorite

also a not asked for rewrite: While some people prefer shopping in physical locations(or if it's specifically about malls, replace "physical locations" with malls), online shopping has three key features that make it a better choice.

[glad charm]

Man, this is really just a channel for learning English 😭 No one is arguing about flat earth here

[solemn cargo]

Test

[humble thorn]

Anyone who needs help with essay writing...I'll be glad to help😊

[sudden girder]

hi i need some help with writing essays

[tulip coral]

Hey would someone mind reading this poem i wrote, i just want some feedback and advice on how to improve it

The things that blind us

Anger, envy and denial,
These emotions eventually senile,
From hearts it derives,
For our minds it misaligns.

Emotions cloud judgement - a bitter truth,
If not corrected, it will lead the downfall of our youth,
Ignorance is bliss, a sad lie,
For if we do, a future we deny.

Wars, crimes and petty disputes,
All stemming from mankind’s youth,
Why fight the war of our ancestors,
Yet the choice is ours- to be victims or successors.

Reality as we know it slowly gets starker,
Could we be like ants trapped in a box by a marker,
Like puppets dangling by its master,
Strings strangling, we’d never know until disaster.

The laws we forged to keep us in check,
The very ones we break, the very ones we reject,
We fight for freedom, to speak and act,
But we discard them once given, like a forgotten artifact.

As one’s corruption grows for power and control,
The mortals who elected them shout vitriol,
Their criticism’s fail to see,
Their very decision was the downfall of their country.

The bitter pill hard to swallow,
The blame- game turned into hot potato,
Our planet’s demise is of no single blame,
For if we don’t rise, we shall be the same.

plz dm me if you do have any suggestions on how to improve it, because i probably wont see it on the server as im not very active here

[paper warren]

Bro, It's awesome ! , I can't tell you about grammar but have read it and it's pretty good. Good job btw.

[modest oar]

Hi, I'm a not-so-good-in-writing guy. Can anybody give me critiques on my writing (I absolutely did this by myself and with the help of google dictionary😅 ):

THE IMITATION OF ROBOTIC ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE TOWARDS HUMAN NATURALISM
by Zingus
  Artificial Intelligence is humanity's current technological milestone. Its growing innovation has fascinated countless of special and common real application in the society. Artificial Intelligence is a comprehensive theoretical development designed to perform human tasks, such as visual perception, speech recognition, decision-making, and translation between languages. AI's ability to do human application made humanity to do convenient work ensuring further technological development on other higher complex fields.
  In contradiction, an emergence of debates show the imitation of human natural attributes. In an emphasize to preserve the nature of human subjectivity applied to Artificial Intelligence. These multitude of debates raised a consensus, "Can Artificial Intelligence be a human?"
  First and foremost, the definition of human naturalism roots into the philosophy of a person. Specifically, person's overall naturalistic and generalizable behaviours. This includes the involuntary behaviour: breathing, heart pumping, knee-jerk reflex, sneezing when inhaling smoke, any psychological impulse, or etc. In which none of these behaviours are present in the technology

Albeit, the current development of the technological does not completely emulate a human being. Perhaps, other technology like the biological memory, can be a key to the imitation of the development subjectivity of an Artificial Intelligence, or artificial muscle, the potential imitation of a human muscle.
  Concluding that, Artificial intelligence has the possibilities to imitate human naturalism in the future. Specially, the exponential growth of human plus Artificial intelligence innovation made several pieces of technologies to create a new Artificial Intelligence that can imitate natural human behaviour and subjectivity.

[digital harness]

Hmm... overall grammatically its quite okay written. I just think its nonsense to argue how AI is or isnt human then explaining on a biological basis like "technology cant breathe" well duh? You couldve integrated the latest advancements in robotic fields like moving and talking instead of that.
Also theres a new argument in the conclusion (+ that last sentence has more issues than just content)
What i think the text lacks is a red line structuring it and it needs more logical arguments. Sometimes you tried to incorporate better vocabulary but that backfired in my pov. It made it sound superficial and led you to make mistakes.

Maybe some of that is useful for you

[modest oar]

oh my... Thank you for your critique. I'm just having a skill issue on focusing in a certain topic, and ending up changing it @w@... Welp... needa improve my logical argument thingy ig. Ngl, critiques kinda hurt, but that's the way to improve a skill💔. Alr, I'll try my best to do your critique👍

||Also, what's red line structuring🫠? ||

[digital harness]

That depends on the text type but for a short essay id choose this

Topic sentence (the main argument youd like to prove)
Some background information
Arguments with proof or examples
Round up
Conclusion with a call to action

[modest oar]

wdym background information? Like, is it something that is describing the topic sentence?

[frigid parcel]

[...] Patrick turned to look at his friend, letting out a ragged huff as he shivered from the wind and the effort. As she stepped closer, he noticed the layer of snow covering her hair, having gathered from moving through the blizzard. Patrick extended his hand and swept the snow off, meeting Minnie's eyes on him; he tried to smile to her reassuringly.

For a second, he forgot about the weather around them, because she was looking at him with a gratefulness and warmth of a thousand suns that would be able to melt any ice settling on his skin. She gazed at Patrick like he was all that mattered.

Flushed, he broke the eye contact to glance at the inside of the car trunk. It was fairly big for an abandoned vehicle, and luckily, it would fit them both.

"C-come on, let's get in... before... uh..." he trailed off, not finishing the sentence, instead choosing to simply take a hold of her and lift her up, into the car. After that, it was only a matter of hopping in himself and shutting the door back down, which he made sure he closed properly.

His friend curled up into a corner, trying to preserve any warmth she still had, her eyes squeezed and her body tense. Patrick briefly looked onto the rest of the car, searching the interior for blankets, pillows, clothes, heater pads, anything useful left after the previous owners of the car; but he found none of what he needed, and instead only holes punched in the windows, glaring at him with cold indifference, letting in the screams of the wind - wheezing with cruel laughter at what these two poor people deemed their shelter in this relentless blizzard.

──────────────────────────────────────────

This is a piece of my writing, if anyone has thoughts, I'd love to hear - particularly about the metaphors I used

[jolly ferry]

lol

[frigid parcel]

pardon me but what's so funny?

[glad charm]

This is really good! I'd only make these few changes :3

Patrick extended his hand and swept the snow off, meeting Minnie's eyes on him; he tried to smile to her reassuringly.
Should be
Patrick extended his hand and swept the snow off, meeting Minnie's eyes; he tried to smile at her reassuringly.

For a second, he forgot about the weather around them, because she was looking at him with a gratefulness and warmth of a thousand suns that would be able to melt any ice settling on his skin. She gazed at Patrick like he was all that mattered.
Should be
For a second, he forgot about the weather around them, because she was looking at him with the gratefulness and warmth of a thousand suns that would be able to melt any ice settled on his skin. She gazed at Patrick like he was all that mattered.

"C-come on, let's get in... before... uh..." he trailed off, not finishing the sentence, instead choosing to simply take a hold of her and lift her up, into the car. After that, it was only a matter of hopping in himself and shutting the door back down, which he made sure he closed properly.
Should be
"C-come on, let's get in... before... uh..." he trailed off, not finishing the sentence, instead choosing to simply take a hold of her and lift her up into the car.
(only one comma removed)

His friend curled up into a corner, trying to preserve any warmth she still had, her eyes squeezed and her body tense. Patrick briefly looked onto the rest of the car, searching the interior for blankets, pillows, clothes, heater pads, anything useful left after the previous owners of the car; but he found none of what he needed, and instead only holes punched in the windows, glaring at him with cold indifference, letting in the screams of the wind - wheezing with cruel laughter at what these two poor people deemed their shelter in this relentless blizzard.
Should be
His friend curled up in a corner, trying to preserve any warmth she still had, her eyes squeezed and her body tense. Patrick briefly looked onto the rest of the car, searching the interior for blankets, pillows, clothes, heater pads, anything useful left after the previous owners of the car; but he found none of what he needed, and**,** instead**,** only holes punched in the windows, glaring at him with cold indifference, letting in the screams of the wind**—**wheezing with cruel laughter at what these two poor people deemed their shelter in this relentless blizzard.

I do want to ask if you really mean 'car trunk'. The book/trunk is this bit of the car:

Normally people wouldn't sit in there 😅

If there is a reason they're sitting in the boot, then that should be explained in the text

If you mean something like the big boot of an SUV, maybe describe the car in a little more detail, so the reader can imagine what sort of area they're sitting in (and still, do explain why they're going in the boot, maybe for heat? Although, I don't think boots are generally that well insulated)

[frigid parcel]

Thank you so much! ❤️

To confirm, is the "—" in the last issue you pointed out an aesthetic change? If not, why is it joined with the two surrounding words and no spaces between?

[frigid parcel]

These two characters are homeless and they're trying to find some shelter during a blizzard, and after being chased out of staircases from residents' blocks, they found an abandoned car and decided it's good enough

[frigid parcel]

Yeah, the car trunk is big enough to fit people in it (I myself have a car like that so that's where I got inspired from). The reason why they decided to hide in the trunk and not in the front part is because they want to lie down and huddle together to keep each other warm, and you can't do that on the individual seats or on the back seat, for the latter one person would have to be on the floor

But since it's not clear I will try using more descriptions about it, thank you so much for your advice! :]

[glad charm]

Normally, when people use '-' surrounded by spaces, they're informally substituting an em dash. The character I used is an em dash. They're typically not offset by spaces, but that will depend on the style guide you use. It's not quite an aesthetic change as it is a standardising one. Normally the '-' for en em dash is used in informal contexts where one wouldn't like to go and copy the proper symbol ('—'). not in books and stories.

[glad charm]

You've got good reasons, but you ought to incorporate them into the story. The readers cannot devine these things. It's the author's job to paint a clear picture for them! :>

It looks great so far, though

[graceful light]

wheres the handwriting channel😭

[glad charm]

Could someone check this for any mistakes? Or give me any writing advice? (I've censored the word 'fag' as 'f^g' cuz the server hates the British)

'Guid morn tae ye, sir. Eh, ye've nae a f^g aboot ye perchance, hae ye?' asked the fellow in such lowly language that I found myself glaring with scorn upon him. He had the effrontery to disrespect my standing by leaning upon my shoulder as a drunkard would upon his friend's and to continue speaking, as though I hadn't directed to him a look of utmost disgust. 'Auch! I've nae a bodle tae gie ye, sir, but I shud aye be doons 'hauden tae yer guidnes, gien ye'd lat me hae a draw. Ye see, I've trot a lang gate doun frae yon northerly shore, I've been lang traivellin mine alane, in treuth, and I hae nae eenkin and ken none hereaboot. Myne heid's lowpin, but a smoke micht pit it richt, I jalouse.'

'You had best get your filthy hands off my coat, lad, lest the papers should report that it happened to be struck, and thereby fractured, by a cane, whose wielder, an upstanding gentleman, claims to have been assaulted by you, a crude plebeian of the Scots.' I spoke with eyes I understood struck fear into the hearts of those who had the misfortune of being their subject, yet, to my shock, the fellow smiled widely and leant more heavily upon me. So taken aback was I, that I had forgotten my threat of violence, for how could a man brush my words aside so casually. Never theretofore has anyone dared speak to me but with shaking hands and a weak heart, but this Scot of no infamy has leant upon my shoulder and asked of me a favour as though we were acquainted, and as though my standing were unknown to him. My sensibilities left me at that moment, and my heart beating within my chest with great rapidity, I roared unto him 'DO NOT TOUCH ME, YOU PHILISTINE SIMIAN!'

He jumped away from me, clearly startled by my outburst. His eyes scanned me incisively, however, and he spoke not a word, but, then, as to mock me, I am certain, he began to laugh most heartily. I swear to you that I felt the veins within my face engorge, and I must have looked quite feral, with how incensed I'd been likely reflected upon my physiognomy. Yet, he merely brushed me aside and walked away into the distance, a lit cigarette in his left hand, betwixt his forefinger and his middle. Never again did I see him, but the fellow remains the most imprudent that ever I met.

[reef briar]

perfect

[late trench]

Hi guys, just wanted to know what things could you feel about this, and some tips if there are any? Thank you

[tulip coral]

how on earth do i send a file here?

Hey could anyone proofread this poem im writing currently(its still in the works) so forgive me if its not well written, i also wrote this in like 30 minutes, punctuation errors are definitely going to be there. Thanks to anyone who does proof-read it and feel free to drop any critisism however harsh it has to be, please dm me coz its not working whenever i try to send it

[glad charm]

Names may live and die, forgotten, lost in time that may ever come back.

1. Things are normally lost to time, not in it.
2. It's not clear what the 'that' is referring to. Time that, or names that?
3. It's not clear what you mean by 'may ever come back'. Perhaps you meant 'may never come back'?
   As it stands, 'lost in time that may ever come back' is nonsensical.
4. 'Come back' is two words when it's not a noun.

For 3, I'm guessing you mean the names might never come back, so here is how I would correct your first sentence:

Names may live and die, forgotten, lost to time**, they** may never come back.

Yet, there immortals exists, voices that travels through millennia; echoes that we can still hear and giving answers to our queries in life.

1. That comma after 'yet' isn't needed.
2. 'there' should be followed by the verb directly. 'There is someone' -> 'There exists someone'.
3. the verb 'exist' should agree with 'immortals'. Since that word is plural, the verb shouldn't have an 's'.
4. Subject-Verb agreement is broken with 'travels'. A (singular) voice travels, but several voices travel. (this applies even in the relative clause modifying 'voice').
5. That semicolon isn't connecting two independent clauses. I would either use an em dash or a comma.
6. 'giving ...' can be on its own.

Yet there exist immortals, voices that travel through millennia**,** echoes that we can still hear giving answers to our queries in life.

Want to know their secret? Let thyself be down to earth, and may your name live forevermore.

1. 'thyself' contrasts sharply with the informality of 'be down to earth'. I mean, it's a crazy contrast. Particularly with how all the rest of the passage uses 'you' (not 'thou') and modern literary language. I think it must be changed.
2. Saying 'let yourself be' instead of just 'be' weakens the advice a lot. Just say directly 'be down to earth'.
3. This is more of a note than a correction. 'Forevermore' is American while 'for evermore' is British. 'For evermore' may be more in line with the older style you're going for. However, 'forevermore' is not incorrect.

Want to know their secret? Be down to earth, and may your name live for evermore.

[late trench]

This is a very valuable insight, thank you very much for this! I'll integrate this feedback into my future writing. Again, thank you very much for the effort to take a look to my small creation.

[glad charm]

No problem 💜

[late trench]

Well you actually some things is not really normal for me to understand yet, like the differences between That, or they, i just kinda instinctively/not thinking much when using them, now i kinda see it in a different perspective now, I will try to remember this as much as I can. I like the generality of your feedback it is meant for an expectation for me to use it in alot of different ways thats why this is a very flexible and useful feedback. Most of your explanation is still in my brain and processing, and it will take time. Most of what you say actually kind of really thorough just as I wanted. I will slowly note this as my "Writing Feedback_1" along side to that piece of "Writing_1". Its 1 because this is my first serious writings ever in my 21 years of life so this is so very valuable and important to me.

[placid rain]

@mint sage Please refrain from sending media unrelated to the proofreading channel. This channel is for learners and natives to share their written work. You may share such content in #🧠｜serious-chat or keep it within your VC. Failure to comply may result in losing access to this channel.

[glad charm]

^

[prisma coral]

/START

[glad charm]

^ ?

[inland cloud]

Popularity

[heady nova]

Greetings, dear honoured guest. I would like to ask for your opinion about an opening speech. Is "I thank you for the opportunity to speak, Mister, and thank you all for participating. First and foremost, I would like to welcome our guests to our humble book club’s talk show. This show is hosted by our community’s ever-growing effort. We are tonight's entertainment, and we hope you enjoy the show." appropriate?

[glad charm]

I think it's perfect

[heady nova]

I thank you, Miss. How about "For those of you who are just joining in, I would like to welcome you to our humble book club’s talk show. Feel free to join the reading session, listen to the talk show, or participate in it. Are you ready to tell your story? Because I am!" and' You know, host, back when I was a kid at school, we used to study for fun, instead of reading like the kids do nowadays. It seems our perception of learning is changing. Do you think this change is for the better or worse? "Would our activities be better suited for learning, or would a studious approach suit them better?", Miss?

[glad charm]

I think the first should lose the 'once more'. I might add a comma before 'because I am' or move the question nark before it and add an exclamation mark

I'd rephrase the first sentence of the second to this:

You know, host, back when I was a kid at school, we used to study for fun, instead of reading like the kids do nowadays.

Just has a better flow, I suppose.

• 'It is like' -> 'It seems'
• 'Do you think it's changing for the better or worse?' -> 'Do you think this change is for the better or worse?'

Your last sentence might need rewriting cuz I'm not sure what it's trying to say (What does playing perception mean? Why is perception relevant? Who are 'them'? A studious approach to what?)

Not any grammar issues. Just flow/naturalness

[heady nova]

I was thinking about general topics such as movie trailers, new coffee, new trends, and so on and so forth. It feels more casual, not repetitive, and sustainable. I hope it is okay.

[glad charm]

^

[paper warren]

Hi, I'm going to talk about What happened in Cuba in 1962.

All started when Fidel Castro took power of the government in 1958 and began with a revolution due to a bad manneage in the country by Fulgencio Batista who was the last president chosen politically correct by his people. Even so I've got to point out that the people in Cuba accepted the take over of Fidel Castro's movement given that Fulgencio Batista's government was corrupt by placing american companies firstly, before taking care about citizens of the country. It was prospering, however the wealth was always retained by the richest , such as businessmen and politicians.

After that have happened, the USA president found out of the exile of Fulgencio Batista and decided to make a hidden mission to retake the Cuba Island called: " the atack to pigs bay".

The CIA traiend some ex-cubans militarily to invade the Pigs Bay of Cube Island in order to be taking over the country little by little. Unfortunatelly this plan failed and the military men who went there had died.

So CIA tried to make another plan more clever such as sending spies, destabilize the dictator's command or paying for an assasination. All these things put in march to take the victory.

But after sending a military areoplan to recollet information about Cuba flying through the sky, something unespected happened in the Island. And what the pilot saw got him in shock!

It was a Sovietic military base established with nuke bombs already built up. So the CIA of the United States stoped the previous mission in order to follow with the new following step the had to do according to what they had come across with in Cuba.

So the president of the United States made an International Statement that If any of the nuke bombs are throwned in E.E.U.U from Cuba would be recieved as a Soviet Union responsable attack and in response the E.E.U.U would proceed to release its own nuke missiles.

At the same time E.E.U.U surrounded...

So, the United State of America mainly the president took the decision to surround the Island with Naval Ships in order to stop the Soviet Union ships. To keep wether be entering or leaving the Island, loaded with military armament.

I am going to summarize the next events ; One of the leaders of the Soviet Union and Jhon.F.Kennedy the president of the United States meet up to resolve that problem. Because no one of them wanted to start a nuclear war, so they decided to make an agreement;

Nikita Krushchev would take off the missiles from Cuba if USA would remove also the Nuclear Bombs placed un Turky targeting the URSS and also not to invade Cuba.

• In 1963 URSS took off the nukes from Cuba.

[earnest elm]

What is proofreading?

[paper warren]

Idk xd , I jus write here to practice my writing

[earnest elm]

What do you mean by that? Do you just write random sentences to get coreected?

[paper warren]

Not random sentences, It's meant to improve your grammar and orthography.
When you draft about something you have to do it well in order to keep progressing.
In my case I talked about The Cold War and the event of Soviet missiles in Cuba. I should have written it better than that. As nobody corrected me, I sent it to ChatGPT and gave me a very good and neutral correction. It placed me In a b1-b2 level of drafting with quite many errors in the orthography and grammar. Some months ago people used to be active by correcting and all that stuff. but nowadays it's not the same as before. Maybe there's a lack of investment etc. People can't be here for free 24/7 you know... haha. So now I ask for ChatGPT to help me improve my vocabulary and grammar though If I decided to choose whether a person or AI, I'd choose a person.

[earnest elm]

Why would you choose a person? And what exactly is drafting and orthography?

[paper warren]

Drafting is the way you communicate, for example, when you read a story out loud you are drafting a narrative, which is one of the tens of types of drafting.
Another one would be: Giving an argument, you are drafting argumentatively in a debate (hypothetically). Orthography is a rule that every language has. Focused on forming the correct words so it can be well pronounced when spoken out loud.

Also, if you lack of knowledge on drafting a recipe, then, you should learn more about the vocabulary of that exact drafting. (That's what I found out recently).

That happens to us even in our own language, lacking of knowledge, how to say this , how to explain that, how to request.. etc etc.

[west lagoon]

can someone help me proof read my persuasive speech

i really need help

[west lagoon]

(intro): Put your hand up if you have struggled with understand a math topic. {5-10 second pause} Honestly, I have multiple times. We can blame stress, anxiety, trouble concentrating, sleeping issues, game addiction and even boring lectures, but the root cause is the failure of our education system. There is not enough being done to aid students who are struggling. This has led to a major descent in the results of Australian kids in maths over the past years by up to four years when compared with kids in Singapore. It may seem like a scare, I mean by doing the math it would mean that the yr 10 cohort has a yr 6 level of math. Obviously, this isn't true, but it’s not an excuse for the poor math results in Australia. In terms of solutions, some parents may think extensive tutoring can aid kids, but this isn't true. Tutoring only helps in the time and if the knowledge isn't applied repeatedly and with accuracy, it's useless {full stop}. Maybe extra help from teachers could help except a lot of teachers are already overloaded from marking and preparing lessons. So, does AI solve all these issues?

A (further presentation of issue): Firstly, Math results in Australia demonstrate a negative rate of change. Recent Naplan results indicate that mathematics scores are at an all-time low of 487 which is only 15 points above the world average. The Grattan institute’s research also concluded that 1 in 3 schoolkids are failing to reach proficiency in their math scores. What's even shocking is that most teachers in Australia aren’t feeling confident in teaching maths to an upper primary to secondary level. Jordana hunter from the Grattan institute said that “around half of teachers hadn’t received any feedback in their math’s teaching over the past year.” This form of “Faddish” teaching makes learning hard for Australian school children. The combination of struggling students and timid teachers is the cause of the decline in math results across Australia.

J (possible reasons for issue): It's not only students and teachers that are to blame for the low marks. It's also a decline in mental health, sleeping problems especially in your age group, and trouble concentrating in students does play a role in decline of understanding and application of content being taught. Although they can play on students' ability the learn, the real cause is our failing education system. Essentially, the Australia government is funding schools however students who are learning in class often feel bored and lack the energy and spirit to get the maximum benefit from their education. Expanding on this, schools and teachers don't recognise that some students either excel or struggle in particular subjects and learning doesn't directly focus on the student rather a group in whole. This is clearly a major flaw in our education system.

A (possible solutions 1=tuition): You're probably wondering if there is a solution to this, can you think of one? Maybe, maybe not. First possible solution is private, one to one tutoring or even group lessons. The main issue with this is that most tutoring schools teach a topic and get students to do work on that topic and repeat it every week with different topics. Those topics plus what they learn at school can and will cause children to burnout, making it impossible to retain and apply content taught in their tuition. Not to mention that group lessons are basically lectures with the tutor just yapping and writing on the board for an hour, it doesn’t account for the students who learn from videos, from practice/application, from fun, and from images. It's just a board with black ink on it, No interesting videos, no eye-catching images and no entertaining practicals.

J (possible solutions 2): Next solution is the possibility of extra support from teachers. This could work if it were 1 to 1 learning and focussed on the student however it just isn't possible given that teachers are already overloaded with work. This work goes into the teaching of students and its keeps on going throughout the year. It's the endless cycle of teaching, doing a test and marking that makes teachers unable to book times with students who need extra help. Maybe other solutions could be parent discipline to enforce students to repeat. In terms of repetition of certain content allows students to apply what they learn at school so it's good right? No! Parent discipline only makes student’s mental health worsen with younger children often crying. This only makes things worse. So, is there a solution that is perfect and works with the student?

A (presentation of AI as a solution): How about AI? Put your hands up if any of you have already used AI for anything? All your hands should be up; everyone has used AI at least once in their school year. AI is a vital tool for success in School. It can solve and explain concepts and questions that students are struggling in, it can help with troubles they faced in class, it can answer questions that students didn't ask in class, and it is available 24/7. For example, a student struggling can use AI to explain topics they are struggling on to catch up to their peers in class. On the other hand, a student who is accelerating and doing better than most students in class can use AI to learn harder topics. Personally, I have used AI to learn harder maths topics last year. These examples demonstrate that AI can be used to positively enchance the learning outcomes of students accross Australia which would therefore make Napalan scores higher and potentially fix the failing education system. You should AI to catch up or excel in subjects too.

J (further reasons why AI is good): The benefits don’t stop there. For teachers a report from Australia's productivity commission found that in 2023 Teachers on average took 15 hours a week preparing lessons and marking however AI can cut that in half saving up to 9.5 hours a week for teachers. By using AI, teachers can make lessons simpler to understand for students instead of working overtime choosing the right word to use in their lessons. To put it in perspective, a student’s marking can take up to 40 minutes and for a class of 20 students it can take 13+ hours However with the use of Ai it can be reduced significantly. AI makes it so fast i seems like they are cheating. The fast marking can also mean that students can receive feedback faster which they can sue to improve. The solution of embracing AI is practically perfect, or is it?

A (rebuttal): You're probably thinking that AI can be wrong and that it does make mistakes. I remember having a hard question in maths and i couldn’t solve so I went to chat GPT, and it gave me an answer that seemed logical but when i looked at the answer it was completely different. That would mean Chat GPT just got it wrong. However, at the complex level i use it for, it makes sense that Chat GPT can't solve it. We want to apply Chat GPT to primary school learning and early secondary school and at that level Chat GPT can’t fail. Maybe a mistake here and there but we don't want the answer, in math we want the path we took to get the answer or the proof that we got our answer successfully. That is what's going to help Students improve in Maths. In the moment it may seem hard but when exposed with the method it seems so easy that is feels illegal

J (conclusion): In conclusion, Ai is a Powerful tool, a key to success. Our failing education system has caused a fall on the results of Naplan in particular Maths where we are 4 years behind Singapore. Although tuition, parent reinforcement and extra help seem like good solutions they all have their flaws. The best solution is clearly AI. It can be used anytime desired; it can teach like a teacher and lessen the amount of work teachers must do. We must incorporate AI in our education because I have the power to change our education system. It will shape the next generation of thinkers, creators and inventors.

thats my essay

DM ME WITH NAY IMPROVEMENTS AND SUGGESTIONS thx

[languid vine]

In my case I talked about The Cold War and the event__s surrounding__ of Soviet missiles in Cuba. I should have written it better than that. As nobody corrected me, I sent it to ChatGPT and it gave me a very good and neutral correction. It placed me In at a b1-b2 level of drafting with quite many a lot of errors in the orthography and grammar. Some months ago people used to be active by correcting actively correct and all that stuff. but nowadays it's not the same as before. Maybe there's a lack of investment etc. People can't be here for free 24/7 you know... haha. So now I ask for ChatGPT to help me improve my vocabulary and grammar __al__though If I decided to could choose whether between a person or and AI, I'd choose a person.

If you have a question about a particular correction feel free to ask.

[languid vine]

You had best get your filthy hands off my coat, lad, lest the papers should report that it they happened to be struck, and thereby fractured, by a cane, whose wielder, an upstanding gentleman, claims to have been assaulted by you, a crude plebeian of the Scots(1).' I spoke with eyes I understood struck fear into the hearts of those who had the misfortune of being their subject (2), yet, to my shock, the fellow smiled widely and leant more heavily upon me. So taken aback was I, that I had forgotten my threat of violence, (3) for how could a man brush my words aside so casually~~.~~? Never theretofore(4) has anyone dared speak to me but with shaking hands and a weak heart(5), but this Scot of no infamy has leant upon my shoulder and asked of me a favour as though we were acquainted, and as though my standing were unknown to him. My sensibilities left me at that moment, and my heart beating within my chest with great rapidity, I roared unto him 'DO NOT TOUCH ME, YOU PHILISTINE SIMIAN!'

I assume leant instead of leaned is a stylistic choice so I left it as is.

1 "claims" is a bit weak for the context. It sounds like the newspaper is impartial despite the difference in social status.
2 "subject" is probably not the best word choice. "misfortune of falling under their gaze" maybe (this might not be much better)
3 this would be better as two sentences
4 "theretofore" requires the sentence be in the past tense
5 "a weak heart" sounds intrinsic to a person so imo it is not ideal to use to describe their meekness toward this person specifically

There are a few other parts that I would probably change but I don't know that I could adequately explain them.

[glad charm]

Oh my, thank you so much! I agree with all of your assessments! I shall make the changes proposed, but I am not sure with what I should replace 'claims'.

I'm unsure about 'subject' as well, but I imagine it could be read as one being the subject of the eyes' careful study of one, if that makes sense. 'Subject of a study' and 'Subject of my eyes', as in, that which is being examined. Although, I can see how it's a bit of a stretch. Unsure what I'll do with that

[languid vine]

True, claims is tricky to reword (which is why I didn't ). "Subject" may be a personal thing, like you said I feel it's a bit of a stretch but others may not be bothered.

[paper warren]

Wow, I thank you for the correction.

[oak arrow]

Hi guys.. I want to have a discussion with my personal statement for uni adminision..

do everyone in here have a plenty time to discuss with me?

[outer fjord]

This channel is not for chess

[olive path]

@calm jacinth use #🔝｜gaming

[glad charm]

Always this poor channel

[devout fractal]

Hello!

I need a critic to rate or like suggest me some changes for my writing.

Dm I'll send you a pic

Don't wanna manually copy paste it

[spice thistle]

Hi if you still need a help, you can dm

[earnest elm]

How does it benefit if i learn drafting?

[wheat pivot]

Yo

[crystal creek]

Hi

[peak lintel]

hey

[crystal creek]

Hello

[peak lintel]

what brings u here?

[heady nova]

I can assist

[devout fractal]

Add me or DM me

[heady nova]

I've added you @devout fractal

[queen wedge]

What the freak has become of this channel

Oh my gosh

[austere moth]

I'll try to see if I can have permission to clean up this channel

[queen wedge]

Aw thank u

[austere moth]

do not use ChatGPT for editing. The tool is too rigid in its analysis

[languid vine]

that message is a correction of someone else's text. if ur gonna tag someone tag the original person lol

[heady nova]

It's so empty duhh

[wispy haven]

uhm, what's the issue?

?

What secure line?

what's your problem

this is the proofreading channel

hello?

what do you mean by secure line?

[lapis tusk]

if you don't stop mass pinging, i will ban you

[wispy haven]

Is this trolling?

@lapis tusk Just get it over with.

[pastel root]

hello

[finite summit]

HI GUYS

[pastel flint]

hello

[brittle ginkgo]

hello

[mortal hare]

👋

[main pike]

hey gang! i have a question regarding a job application that i might need help with. i am applying for the jet program, and they only accept essays that are 2 pages or less. mine is currently 2 1/3 pages lol. can anyone help cut it down? thanks!

[silver yoke]

Chatgpt

[sturdy oak]

Guys so im applying for a journalist of gamers is this news article about a faction falling apart good??

Breaking News

The great fall of an faction

The faction so called "example" has fallen to the ground by the leader quitting the game for ever from a raising star to the ground
But something emerged from the ground, @dark has made an vote about reviving the faction and take the lead of its
21 players accepted and wanted to revive But 40 said no out of frustration and the thought of the faction falls again

[glad charm]

Breaking News
The fall of a great faction**:**
The faction called "example" has fallen to the ground as a result of the leader quitting the game forever. From rising stars to dust.
But something emerged from the dust: @dark made a vote about reviving the faction with them/him/her as its leader.
21 players voted in the affirmative, wanting to revive the faction, but 40 voted in the negative out of frustration and the thought of the faction falling again**.**

[sturdy oak]

Ooh

[sturdy oak]

This is how

Thanks madam

[glad charm]

No problem!

[sturdy oak]

Btw madam

Is there is a way to speak English fluently

Like they pay 50 bucks for who ever writes an article

And in my country 50 bucks is alot

[glad charm]

The only way to speak fluently is to practise a lot

There is no way to immediatly become good at the language

[sturdy oak]

Like i speak English for four years but i never talked to someone who talks English with 10/10 grammer

[inner root]

i have problem in pronunciation of P and B and th

[glad charm]

You could try using a grammar book. I'm not sure what else you could do, honestly

[glad charm]

Ask in #🗒｜pronunciation

[sturdy oak]

Its unavailable in my country sadly

[glad charm]

There are many books you could use online

[sturdy oak]

Like no one talks English here

[glad charm]

You can speaak to others in English online, watch videos in English, watch movies in English, etc.

[sturdy oak]

I have no mic

I already watch movies with no subtitles

And even talking English online no one even helps me to fix

Like go talk in bad English in other community they roast you or ignore and try to understand you

And never helps to fix

[glad charm]

Yeah, it's haard to find someone willing to correct you, but some people are. At low enough levels, it's hard to correct the person cuz there are many things to point out

[sturdy oak]

Like only a small help

Is all i need

I talk fast in English i help people to understand English that have very trash accents and dont know anything

And i read super fast

And understand most of the fluence words

But the problem here is the grammar

Like how the hell suppose i speak 4 languages fluently

I speak Arabic

German

English

And lastly Persian

[main pike]

as an english lit major, i fart in your general direction

[glad charm]

LMAO LET'S GO

Respect

[upbeat orbit]

could someone give me feedback?(this is my homework)

My grandfather’s ancient stories, with their vivid descriptions, are truly captivating. One of them tells about his aircraft that saved many people’s lives. I have always been amused by the adventures that embody his intriguing youth, but that particular story makes me feel especially proud of him.He was born and raised in Armenia - a country where wars were not something unfamiliar. He was only 18 when air raid alerts filled the streets and occupied people’s minds. Nonetheless, thousands of young men aimed to save their homeland. Instead of fear, their eyes were filled with bravery.My grandfather anticipated the upcoming military operations. He allocated all his resources to acquire an aircraft and evacuate as many people as he could. Consequently, present-day analyses show that he saved thousands of lives.

[vestal hemlock]

You are missing spaces after a couple periods. Besides that, the only phrase that sounds a bit awkward is "where wars were not something unfamiliar". It is grammatically correct, but saying "where wars were not unfamiliar" reads a bit easier!

"Consequently" is a bit awkward too, but not incorrect. I would personally rephrase the sentence to "Present-day analyses show that his efforts saved thousands of lives."

There are several words in here that are advanced level. Are you in an advanced English class? If you are, great job! If you are not, I would suggest being careful with your word choices. If your words are too complex, your teacher might be suspicious of your sources. To be honest, some of this does read like AI generated text (but AI text is so commonplace nowadays that perhaps that doesn't mean much).

[visual pine]

pronounce my Name "Sagheer".

[glad charm]

I have always been amused by the adventures that embody his intriguing youth

I would change this to 'that abound in his'. It doesn't reaally make sense for the adventures to embody his youth. Maybe it works for his youth to embody adventures, but that's a bit clunky.

He was born and raised in Armenia - a country where wars were not something unfamiliar.

I'd change that to a proper em daash and change 'where wars were not something unfamiliar' to 'where war was quite familiar' or 'where wars were not unfamiliar'.

My grandfather anticipated the upcoming military operations. He allocated all his resources to acquire an aircraft and evacuate as many people as he could.

Here I feel it's odd semantically. Why would one 'allocate' (manage/strategically distribute) one's resources to aquire an aircraft? It seems like it would be best to just say 'used'. I also think these two sentences should be joined with a 'so' or an 'and'.

Of course, spaces before full stops.

Overall, this is how I'd change it:

My grandfather’s ancient stories, with their vivid descriptions, are truly captivating. One of them tells about his aircraft that saved many people’s lives. I have always been amused by the adventures that abound in his intriguing youth, but that particular story makes me feel especially proud of him. He was born and raised in Armenia—a country where war was quite familiar. He was only 18 when air raid alerts filled the streets and occupied people’s minds. Nonetheless, thousands of young men aimed to save their homeland. Instead of fear, their eyes were filled with bravery. My grandfather anticipated the upcoming military operations and used all his resources to acquire an aircraft and evacuate as many people as he could. Consequently, present-day analyses show that he saved thousands of lives.

[twilit beacon]

why do you write "falling"
and i think you should paraphrase wanting with wishing, hoping or something else

it would sound more formal imo

[glad charm]

For the sentence to be grammatical, 'of' should be followed by something that acts nominally. 'Falls' doesn't satisfy that requirement. 'Falling', as a gerund, is able to act nominally so perfectly fits the sentence

As for 'wanting', I just used the same word the original used but conjugated differently

[twilit beacon]

nevermind, i thought the thought of the faction is something on its own but its the thought of voters

[glad charm]

I see what you mean, yeah

[twilit beacon]

add "because of" before "the thought of" i guess
i was confused without it lol

[glad charm]

It's not my writing. I just proofread what they wrote. To me, their intention was pretty clear, even if the sentence is a bit awkward. If you think it needs changing, do tell that to the original writer

[twilit beacon]

alr

he seems to take time to improve so ill pay it no mind

[snow sandal]

Can I put my writing's here ?

[glad charm]

Yup, you put them here and wait for someone to correct you

[snow sandal]

Alr sir, I'm not used to write long paragraph so correct me if I'm wrong 🙂
Just a little it's okay

I meet someone in the street. She was beautiful and so stylish with an expensive pouch that looked amazing on her. She asked me, "Where is the toilet?", I was so shy at that time, and I answered that with zero clue if my wallet was about to drop...... After I told her another person yelling at me, "pickpocket2," and I looked who was yelling at me. But somehow the girl just fell when I turned my head. I'm about to help her quickly, and it seems she is okay at the beginning. With a low-toned voice, she asked me, "My pouch was stolen by someone who just crashed into me ". I'm panicked, but somehow I'll be able to run quickly to the guy who goes to the valley. Just when they go turn to the valley, they're VAMOOSE. At this time, I realize that if my wallet were also gone. I know it may have just dropped when I chased the thief, then I went back. It should be near the place where I helped the girl. I checked on it, and there was nothing, and I looked around, and she also VAMOOSE.

[upbeat orbit]

As a student who is enrolled in a worldwide physiological innovation project, I firmly assert that the experience itself brings more joy than any award or financial compensation. Our project aims to solve a physical phenomenon by breaking down the subject into atomic particles and later regenerating it in a different location. In my perspective, this project is likely to fail due to my lack of awareness of that field. Nonetheless, we started a process that leads to a cycle of failure. Subsequently, our teleport astonished us with its advancements. I associate our project with the idea of an arrow pointing to the future. However, our project is still an aspiration that looks inaccessible. We are meticulously attending to every detail to ensure its accuracy.

could someone check it please

[upbeat orbit]

thankss:)

[glad charm]

#💭｜general for off-topic chatting.

[sly obsidian]

The dam broke, and unbridled tears trickled down my cheeks. I tried to stop;I really did, but my eyes wouldn’t listen. I begged my heart to stop weeping, to spare me the last shred of pride I was clinging to. But it was as if my heart had a soul of its own. It didn’t care about my honor at all. How embarrassing. I tried to wipe the tears from my stubborn eyes; my sleeves grew wet, and my awkward hands only revealed how small I felt.
I can’t move. What is stopping me? I shouldn’t be here. My feet held me there, powerless, condemning me to wantonly endure the atrocity and the ordeal. I can read their minds. Their eyes judge me; my look, my dress, my awkward movements. I can’t escape.
Someone… anyone… help me.
As dreary thoughts filled my mind, I plunged into dark despair. The scene blurred. I’m about to fall. What if my head hits the concrete?
Before the world shut down before my eyes, I remembered that I hadn’t fulfilled my promise to meet my mom and dad again next winter.
I’m sorry. I love…
|| Anyways, it feels like bitch.||

[heady nova]

Can we put simple sentences here or just long paragraphs. Because i feel like i can't even write basic things correctly like "Take out the beef from fridge" is this a correct sentence? it doesn't feel right to me. Or should it be like this "Take the beef out from the fridge". I am new to english learning and people say write in target language but how do i know if im writing right. Should i read tons of books before writing? Sorry for bothering.

[vestal hemlock]

Yes, you can put simple sentences here! You can also put them in the english-questions channel.

"Take out the beef from the fridge" is a correct sentence, and many people say it that way. It is also common to say "Take the beef out of the fridge." So, the formula is either "Take out the X from the Y" or "Take the X out of the Y". Both are correct.

Every sentence you wrote in your message is correct, so I would say you are doing a good job writing!

[steady tinsel]

Take the fridge out of the beef?

[outer fjord]

A piece of beef that has a fridge stuck inside it?

[vestal hemlock]

Haha, I did not realize I mixed up the "X" and "Y" when typing my second example above! Thanks everyone 😆

[tranquil oak]

hello, i studied a few phrases today and wrote a story. I would appreciate if someone could check this.❤️

J is my best friend, and i have to say that his academic experience is full of ups and downs. He enrolled in Chemistry at the first year of college, and due to his great interest in chemistry, he studied really hard and hit the books.Once his professor handed out some papers, he can always hand in them in time and never wait until pulling an all-nighter.However, after his freshman year, he got bored of general knowledge and started to skip the class.As a result, he fell behind all his classmates.When it came to practical class , he found himself very talented so he quickly got caught up.But every time when the professor handed out essay writing assignment, heplagiarized others work online and completed his assignment using AI, which was identified by the teacher soon. Because of his academic dishonesty and bad behavior, his prof was in rage and kicked him out of his course.

[iron iris]

"Studied really hard" is the same as "hitting the books", so including both in a sentence can become repetitive.

"Once his professor handed out some papers, he WOULD always hand in them in time.." since we're talking about continuing, repeating actions about the past.

"...started to skip the CLASSES" in plural.

"....got caught up" is used for when you become busy in something. Here, " he found himself very talented so he quickly caught up" is right. No need to add "got."

"But every time when the professor handed out essay writing assignmentS," because assignment needs to be plural.

"...he plagiarized others' work online." Since we are talking about the assignments of others classmates, the assignments belong to them, and we need to add the possessive apostrophe in front of it.

Hope this helps in anyway. Love the storyline.

[tranquil oak]

Thank you soooooooooo much! I learned a lot from your correction .❤️

[tranquil oak]

Today , i wrote several sentences to practice collocations. Please correct if im wrong and suggest alternatives if you have better expressions.👍

1.Children in primary school often seem to possess boundless energy ,racing around at the playground like perpetual motion machines. However, this child sitting next to me at the dining table has impeccable manners: eating quietly and never asking the adults for help.
2.The key characteristic to have a stable relationship with friends is to be a attentive listener.
3.My deskmate possesses a good sense of humour because he is a punster that has a ready wit for homophones.
4.It’s impossible to have a rational discussion with him; he is highly opinionated that doesn’t willing to listen to the fact.
To my surprise, this girl has an outgoing personality , while her little brother is painfully shy.

[iron iris]

"...like perpetual machines in motion."

"...an attentive listener." The article.

"he is highly opinionated so he isn't willing to listen to this fact."

'Does' is used for actions, 'is' is used for qualities. This man has the quality of being too full of opinions which is why he is not willing. 'Willing' here is the action.

Your sentence quality and grammar are amazing!! This only had minor mistakes that even fluent speakers make sometimes. Good job!

[glad charm]

I would like to say that, whilst I do agree with most of Caramel's corrections, 'perpetual motion machines' is very much correct. 'Perpetual machines in motion' does not make as much sense. The only edit I'd make to that bit is adding a hyphen like so:

… like perpetual**-**motion machines.

Also, your spacing is off with that first comma:

… seem to possess boundless energy**,** racing around at the playground ….

The second isn't wrong, but it would sound better as 'the key to having a stable relationship' instead of 'to have'.

In 4, I presume you tried to use 'that' in the 'to such an extent' sense. However, you have to pair that sense with a phrase or a word that points the reader to the fact you're speaking of the level to which he was opinionated (or any other adjective you might use in this structure). Some examples:

1. He's so angry that he won't listen.
2. He is angry to such a degree that he won't listen.
3. He's incredibly angry. So much so that he won't listen.

All three of those sentences use 'that' in the sense you tried to use it in, but they pair it with something that points to the degree of his anger (highlighted in bold).

So, your sentence could be this:

he is so highly opinionated that he isn't willing to listen to

And here is another point. If you mean he generally does not accept things that are, in fact, true, then you can say '… listen to facts'. However, if you mean that he is unwilling to listen to a particular specific fact in a larger context that is not presented to us, then use 'this' or 'that', as you see fit. I assume it's the former, however, so I would propose this:

It’s impossible to have a rational discussion with him; he is so highly opinionated that he isn't willing to listen to facts.

[iron iris]

Thanks for the corrections!

[autumn kelp]

I can't really fathom the purpose of the hyphen you inserted there. I think the author intended to compare highly energetic, incessant motions done by hyper active little ones to perpetual motion machines that are written without a hyphen, and in theory (scammer's theory) supposed to work with no stop...

Do you mind elaborating the purpose of that hyphen?

[tranquil oak]

Thank you very much❤️ . To be honest, I spent nearly 45 mins to make these sentences. I tried to figure out which situation fits the collocations best.

[glad charm]

'Perpetual motion' is acting as one unit modifying the word 'machines', so I thought it would be best to hyphenate it. However, after some looking around, though it seems both are used, the version without a hyphen is more common

[tranquil oak]

Thank you for you correction as well ! Sometimes i really can not notice the "space and comma" mistake since the order of tapping on the keyboard just went wrong when i typed fast, and it's not easily perceived.

[glad charm]

No problem! As Noot Noot pointed out, feel free to remove the hyphen I suggested. Both options are acceptable

[tranquil oak]

and another question: when i say "highly opinionated",doesn't highly mean the same thing as so ?

[tranquil oak]

understand!👍

[glad charm]

'Highly' would be interpreted as meaning 'very', 'to a high degree'. It just emphasises the fact he's really opinionated

[tranquil oak]

or you mean that** so **followed by that is a fixed combo?

[glad charm]

The difference between 'highly opinionated' and 'so highly opinionated' is teh same as that between 'opinionated to a high degree' and 'opinionated to such a high degree'

[glad charm]

so/such + that

yea

you can think of it like that. That's how most would explain it

[tranquil oak]

OK, now i truly understand it

thx a lot

[crude orbit]

or like machines in a perpetual motion

[glad charm]

Here is the relevant definition of 'that', by the way (from Wiktionary):

[glad charm]

I'd like to clarify that my thought process was the same as what you might have when writing a phrase like 'high-quality item' or 'long-distance relationship'

It's not a 'quality item' that is 'high', so you hyphenate 'high-quality'.
It's not a 'distance relationship' that's 'long', so you hyphenate 'long-distance'.

Generally compound adjectives are hyphenated like that.

It's not a 'motion machine' that's 'perpetual'; it's a machine of perpetual motion. So you hyphenate 'perpetual-motion'

But convention seems to break the rule, which is often the case with English

[zinc turtle]

Hello guys

I'm new for here

[tough galleon]

You dare not merely glance, but through motley layers spot,
but what thou hast spot’ in them, in thyself thou seest not?

[tranquil oak]

Hello, guy! My teacher asked me to write an essay. Could you please check and correct it?

Travelling is very beneficial as it broadens your perspective and provides new experiences, knowledge and interests for the traveler. Do you agree with this statement?
 
Travelling has significant benefits for enriching personal experiences and becoming multi-cultural. In my opinion, I totally agree with this point of view.

In today’s trips, there are generally two types of tourist attractions --natural and cultural scenic spots. When exploring unique landscapes, the peaceful beauties of nature would leave a deep impression in our mind. This instant amazement leads to a pleasant feeling surging in our hearts, healing and purifying the mind. As for visiting man-made spots, people could acquire genuine knowledge and dive into their interest field deeper. Take visiting museums for example, animal shells with human language written on them and delicate sculptures are exhibited. From these ancient relics, we understand the history in a more detailed way, consolidating what we learned from the textbooks. Meanwhile, our personality could be positively affected due to diverse cultural backgrounds. Every time we go to a foreign country, we meet strangers and follow the customs and manners. As a result, our mindset fuses unconsciously with theirs. The crucial point is to extract the positive aspects from these various exotic cultures.

Some people believe that high costs are the largest barrier, making travelling inaccessible to many people and brings financial burden if they choose to travel. However, I believe that spending money on travelling is the best choice apart from using it to maintain a good life. The more novel experiences we have during the trips, the more fulfilling our lives are.

In conclusion, I personally agree with the opinion that travelling has substantial benefits, since travelers learn new but unforgettable knowledge from every perspective in their journey.

[normal fossil]

What do you bought 🧐?

[wind cove]

Excuse me, I need question, This PeoofReading server is specifically for writing, or can you send voice notes for speaking tests?

[proper sapphire]

It's called "proofread," not "prooflisten"

I'm just kidding. People don't usually send voice notes here, but I'm sure someone with a lot of time on their hands will still help you out

(Not me)

[crude orbit]

send voice notes in #🗒｜pronunciation

[sage cipher]

helo guys

[wind cove]

Oh okok I got it

[wind cove]

Oke okey, I understand.. Thanks

[wind cove]

Hello

[twilit beacon]

People have different views about whether it is beneficial for children to adopt pets. While owning a pet may carry potential health issues and emotional challenges, this trend can provide opportunities to develop multiple qualities in children. This essay aims to establish the downsides and upsides of the trend and to offer my opinion, which sides with the latter.

There are various reasons why keeping pets might be considered disadvantageous. Most likely, it may induce animal allergies in some children. As pets shed fur, children can inhale or come into contact with it, which may trigger an overreaction of the immune system that causes symptoms such as coughing, sneezing, or skin rashes. In addition, having pets can challenge the mental health of small children. This is because pets can be lost to theft, diseases, or old age. In such situations, children's responses to the loss of pets are primarily grief and depression, as they permanently lose a companion, which can be arduous to overcome.

However, this pattern can offer numerous upsides. Firstly, adopting pets can provide an opportunity to develop sensitivity in children. Raising pets brings extra responsibilities for the family, since most pets require daily care, including feeding, grooming, and bathing. Accordingly, this cultivates patience, a sense of responsibility, and a connection to animals among children. Owning pets can also have positive effects on the physical health of children. As most animals demand a natural environment to perform their natural behaviors, such as excretion, pet owners must take them outside to public areas, which may involve walking, ultimately contributing to the overall well-being of children. For instance, families who own dogs must walk them at least once a day, which provides children with daily exercise that supports their physical health.

[proper sapphire]

No conclusion. => Lowest score imaginable in IELTS history

[twilit beacon]

I forgot discord had word limit

Heres conclusion

In conclusion, while adopting pets potentially causes allergy and emotional hardship, I support the idea that domesticating animals offers physical health benefits and opportunities for children to develop moral qualities.

https://tenor.com/view/tom-ching-cheng-hanji-chinese-chinese-tom-tom-and-jerry-gif-18775286

[proper sapphire]

I give you 9.0 Writing

[crude orbit]

not helpful 😐

[proper sapphire]

Says you

[twilit beacon]

i put it in grammar app and it fucking spotted some punctuation errors 🤑

hope someone could improve my smoothness and explain it

its really surprising that they dont ask me to write another paragraph about my opinion to repeat the content