#📝｜proofreading

1 messages · Page 8 of 1

short hazel
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“there’s no one who is healing me” is correct

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the second one isn’t

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because “everybody’s” is a contraction of “everybody is”

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and “there is everybody is healing me” doesn’t make sense

rotund panther
short hazel
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in that case you should say “There’s everybody healing me”

rotund panther
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Thanks a lot 🙏

crystal rover
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im here , send and i'll read it

gloomy dust
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My name is Nasser, I'm 22 years old, and I'm a fresh graduate from Imam Saud Islamic University.

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My major is English where I earned a bachelor's degree in English languge

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My skills and abelity are 1- management 2- solving problem 3- IT

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In conclusion, I hope so to make a success in this company.

crystal rover
crystal rover
crystal rover
crystal rover
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it's not enough to know where you lack , however
if u feel like u r A2 and want to improve, try to have lessons about grammar and do exercises you send here and we will correct them

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if u need also try to read more in english, don't rush to difficult levels, try to take step by step improvement

gloomy dust
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Can you send me some web that will help me to improve my language 🦾
to become a native guy with an American accent

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Thanks, for supporting me Premium

crystal rover
gentle walrus
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Dear Ms. Name,

I finished reading Animal Farm by George Orwell. I was introduced to George Orwell when my father recommended that I read 1984 last year. I really enjoyed it, so looked up other books written by him and found Animal Farm. I decided to give it a try.

I want to show you this paradoxical quote near the end of the book. It was one of the original commandments before the pigs changed it to justify their way of living.

“ALL ANIMALS ARE EQUAL BUT SOME ANIMALS ARE MORE EQUAL THAN OTHERS.” (Orwell 91)

This quote shows the corruption and hypocrisy of the pigs, and how they changed the commandments to justify their behaviors. They wore clothes, slept in beds, drank beer, and traded with humans, which are all violations of Animalism. But by twisting the meaning of the commandments and rewriting history, the pigs manipulated the other animals into thinking they had created an equal society, though all the power and benefits lay in the pigs’ hands. The ones who did notice the corruption had to pretend to be ignorant and stay silent for their survival.

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Another theme in Animal Farm is the importance of literacy, similar to 1984, written by the same author. The pigs were the only ones capable of understanding and speaking English fluently with decent vocabulary. They were aware of their superiority and used it to gaslight the others. Because of the animals’ inability to read and write well, they were easily manipulated by the pigs, who controlled the information they received. This unequal access to knowledge allowed the pigs to deceive the other animals into thinking they were in a fair society; however, the pigs had become just as oppressive as the humans they had overthrown, quite ironic.

I noticed some symbols in the book, such as Napoleon being Joseph Stalin, the Soviet dictator. Napoleon used manipulation, propaganda, and pure force to gain power. He is a direct representation of Stalin. The sheep are a symbol of the masses being manipulated. They blindly follow the authority and repeat propaganda slogans. They show how the masses can easily be swayed by those in power. I also noticed how Boxer, the hardworking and loyal horse, symbolizes the Soviet working class. Without Boxer’s dedication, the farm would have perished long ago. He was eventually betrayed by those with power, showing the betrayal of the working class in the Soviet Union.

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There was a “text to world’ connection I made reading Animal Farm. Like the pigs in Animal Farm, the CCP manipulated its past to keep its legitimacy. The Cultural Revolution, launched by Mao Zedong, was a chaotic and violent time in Chinese history. Its stated goal was to preserve Chinese socialism and exterminate capitalists and traditional elements. It led to wide persecution of intellectuals, resulting in millions of deaths. It was not a great time, so the CCP has rewritten and changed its narrative of the Cultural Revolution over time. After Mao’s death, the CCP shifted to calling it a tragic mistake that led to immense suffering, without critiquing Mao or the party’s role in the event. In both cases, the control of narrative and propaganda played a central role in maintaining power.

I think Animal Farm is great reading material for high school. A main theme in the book is how language and propaganda are used to manipulate people. And because Animal Farm is written in the form of a fable, students can have rich discussions without worrying about vocabulary. This makes a great opportunity to practise critical thinking skills and beware of the media in today’s world. I give this classic a 10 out of 10.

Sincerely,

Name

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*my book report essay

spiral finch
queen wedge
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You are a great critic, wow! I remember writing an essay on the same book! :)

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Oops.

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I've never seen an essay formatted the way you have written it. Consider formatting like an essay instead of a letter. This is particularly important because there are formatting expectations (if this is for school) for reviews, and because you cite, “(Orwell 91).”

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I would format the essay the same way the style guide you're using for your citations would format it.

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On that note, if you're going to cite, make sure to include a page for references so you can reference the specific book you used.

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It's good that you're consistently mentioning Orwell's books, but make sure that you italicise them and use their full title. For example, Nineteen Eighty-Four and not “1984.”

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Try not to use personal pronouns like “I” or “we,” unless your teacher said you're allowed.

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I really love your introduction! It's nice that you're mentioning another great book by Orwell, Nineteen Eighty-Four, but I feel like your sentences are too acerbic (sharp and short), so consider combining some of your sentences.

Don't forget to include the book's genre and a brief summary (mention important characters and events, but do not give away the ending)!

queen wedge
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Don't use phrases like “let me show you.” Instead of saying you're going to show the reader something, just show it! Perhaps change “it was one of the original commandments before the pigs changed it...” because it looks like you're showing the quote that was there before the pigs changed it.

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I mean, I can see it working, but it seems a bit ambiguous. It's up to you.

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For your quote, I would suggest (this is a complete personal preference) that your period goes at the end of “Orwell 91” instead of inside the actual quote. Try to make your quote part of your essay: blend the quote in instead of making it a distinct part. This is important because you interpret the quote and go on to use “this” to reference the quote; yet, the quote is in its own distinct part. That creates halts for the reader.

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I use to do the same format, of the quote being its own distinct part because I felt it was easier. You can (it is usually not recommended for school) but only if you change the wording to specifically mention the quote again, instead of using “this.”

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Consider using “for example” here: “they wore clothes, slept in beds, etc. ”

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Or even change the list to three for parallelism (it reads better).

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Don't capitalise “animalism.”

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When you look at that quote, you look at its significance and how it punctuates the unfair behaviour of the pigs. Could you specifically look at the significance of the quote itself? What makes the quote so compelling and dystopian?

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Be specific where you can be, like when you say “the ones who did notice the corruption had to pretend...” you could've said something like: “the ones who did notice the corruption, like Benjamin the Donkey, had to pretend...”

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Oh! Could you discuss how the pigs exactly rewrote history?

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In your next part you say “another theme” but it's not clear that you were discussing a theme before then. You could reword it or conclude your previous paragraph with a sentence that mentions the theme.

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You also reference Nineteen Eighty-Four, but you don't describe it. I'm sure that your teacher understands it but if you include a description, it shows deeper understanding. I'd remove “written by the same author.”

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You could mention specific examples of language being abused (like the commandments) or deception, and why it's so important. Even if the animals were illiterate, some of them did see the bad actions of the pigs, yet, they did nothing. Did language play a role there, and why is it so important of all things?

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“...Napoleon representing Joseph Stalin, the Soviet dictator.”

Try to make the connection more direct: “Napoleon used manipulation, propaganda, and pure force to gain power,** just like Stalin.**”

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Include transitions. Namely, when you're in the body of a paragraph: “On the other hand, the sheep are a symbol of the masses being manipulated.”

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“They blindly follow the authority and repeat propaganda slogans, and show how the masses can easily be swayed by those in power.”

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“He was eventually betrayed by those with power, comparable to the betrayal of the working class by the Soviet Union.”

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You should include a conclusive sentence in your paragraph on symbolism. You could maybe write how they all contribute to the criticism on communism?

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I would probably change “text to world” to “text-to-world.” Do not use acronyms, especially if they are not common, like CCP before you use the full form first. “CCP” should be “Chinese Communist Party” the first time you use it.

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What do you mean by “traditional elements?” Also, how does the widespread persecution of intellectuals result in millions of deaths? I would consider making two sentences: one for the widespread persecution of intellectuals and one for the actual cause of the millions of deaths.

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Your final sentence is really nice. :)

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“Plus, because Animal Farm is written in the form of a fable, students can have rich discussions without worrying about vocabulary.”

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“This makes the book a great opportunity to practice critical thinking skills and be aware of the media in today’s world.”

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I learnt a lot from reading your essay, thank you. If you need help with specifics, like structuring your essay or formatting or referencing in MLA or anything like that, I'd love to!

cinder void
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bluds yapping 💀

queen wedge
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i have a phd in yappology

short hazel
cinder void
short hazel
cinder void
glad charm
short hazel
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he’s a d1 yapper

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he’s here for jokes

gilded linden
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Topic: Comparing the sugar content of packaged vs freshly prepared beverages

Significant Study:

The significance of the qualitative study examines two major content. First, the average daily sugar consumption was equivalent to one tablespoon of sugar found in packaged products. Unfortunately, an increasing concern is the intake of dietary sugars. Thus, the Philippines is identified as a diabetes “hot spot” in Southeast Asia (M. S. AMARRA, F. DE LOS REYES). And recommendation to reduce the sugar content of packaged products. Second, focused on the analysis of the consumption of freshly prepared beverages.

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Hi, i just want to know how to improve this significant study i just made (it's not done yet)

queen wedge
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“Thus, the Philippines is identified as a diabetes “hot spot” in Southeast Asia (M. S. AMARRA, F. DE LOS REYES), leading to the recommendation to reduce the sugar content of packaged products.”

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Maybe you can change the tense to present: “...the average daily sugar consumption was equivalent” to match the rest of your paragraph.

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I think you should also try to make the transition between mentioning the high daily sugar consumption and how the Philippines is a diabetes hot spot more obvious. Use transition words, and give context; it can be implied that the Philippines is a hot spot, but you should directly mention something (statistics or secondary study or something) that can connect to you then saying that it is identified as a diabetes hot spot.

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You also mention, specifically, that it is a diabetes hot spot in Southeast Asia. Is there significance in mentioning that? If not, I would remove it.

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Also, for your citation style, what are you using? I don't think I've ever seen citations completely capitalised.

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Also, your first sentence should probably be more specific because it is like a thesis statement! Don't say that the study examines two major content: just say what the two major contents are.

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Honestly, I am not that familiar with the expectations for a significant of a study. It is quite academic and I'm assuming there are nuanced expectations so take my word w/ a grain of salt. If you're looking for grammar corrections, this channel can definitely help, but if you're looking for proofreading on the actual content then there are probably better places to ask.

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there are definitely people with uni. degrees here. i'm just not sure if they'd come to erm this channel.

queen wedge
crystal rover
queen wedge
heady nova
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hello everyone..... again. I wrote another piece. Please let me know how you guys think of it: In our deepest thoughts, we cannot help but ponder the cause of our existence—unless we are devoid of consciousness itself. Is life merely about fulfilling physical needs and indulging ourselves until we are buried under a heap of concrete? Or is there something more, as the so-called pundits and scribes of spiritual knowledge claim? Yet, their teachings often seem so vague and irrational that they fail to resonate in the real world.

Even if this physical plane is merely a fleeting step toward salvation or nirvana, how many of us have truly glimpsed that promised land? Apparently, none. If there are no souls or afterlife, and this is our one and only life, can we truly live it as we desire? Hardly. As the saying goes, 'We are born free, but we are chained by the rules of society.'

We face endless constraints—economy, politics, ethics, and social responsibility—all created by humans to live life to its fullest. Ironically, these structures have left us more strained than our primitive ancestors. Our apathy toward eradicating corruption feels like a Sisyphean task, perpetually unfulfilled.

The notion of a perfectly law-abiding society, like something out of fiction, a Utopia, seems unattainable. Poverty, disease, famine, and strife plague every corner of the world, and none of us truly live the life we yearn for. While we struggle to put food on the table and work tirelessly, there is no certainty our efforts will be rewarded. Taxes fill the pockets of corrupt leaders, while we toil to keep a roof over our heads. Even those born into privilege often find themselves shackled by expectations.

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Why, then, endure the chaos of life, only to face the inevitable?We should live life according to our own rules and desires, satisfying what our flesh craves, shouldn’t we? But then, what’s the point of having reason and instincts that distinguish us from animals? Philosophy, in the end, doesn’t provide us with the meaning of life, and living a purely materialistic existence only leads to emptiness. If we break down the term 'philosophy'—‘philo’ meaning love, and ‘sophie’ meaning wisdom—it refers to the love of human insight, which means it is ultimately limited by the scope of human understanding. We are but a fleeting and insignificant existence in this unfathomable universe.

Do scientists exploring the universe possess the true knowledge of life? Have they broken down every tissue, unraveled cells, atoms, and quarks, to discover the essence of life as we know it? While they claim that life is merely a series of chemical reactions in the mass we call our body, we know life is more than that. We’ve attempted to understand the meaning of life from every angle, but none of these attempts have fully satisfied us.

Does this mean there will never be a 'eureka' moment in understanding human existence? Are we doomed to never understand the true meaning of life?"

heady nova
# heady nova Why, then, endure the chaos of life, only to face the inevitable?We should live ...
  1. Who created the universe?
  2. Why do we exist?
  3. What happens after death?
    From your message, I sense that you are feeling lost—lost in your thoughts and perhaps in life itself. I’d like to share my perspective with you to address these profound questions:
  4. Who created the universe?
    The question of who created the universe has always intrigued humanity. It’s in our nature to ponder such mysteries, and this curiosity has existed since ancient times. There’s no doubt that for every effect, there must be a cause. For instance, we know who created the light bulb, cars, phones, the internet, and laptops. But what about the entire universe—a creation so vast and intricately perfect, filled with countless wonders and living organisms? The question remains the same: Who created all this?
    Who created plants, animals, and humans? The deeper you delve into science or biology, the more you realize that such complexity and perfection cannot be the result of mere coincidence. There must be a higher power responsible for the creation of this universe. Even studying something as seemingly simple as plants reveals that humans could never replicate their intricacy. And even if we could, the question would persist: Who created humans?
    If your answer is that you came from your parents, then where did your parents come from? You might say from your grandparents, and then from their parents, and so on. Following this chain of thought, you’ll notice that it cannot go on infinitely. There must be a starting point—someone who initiated it all. And who could that be? Exactly! The creator of the universe, also known as God.
    To further illustrate, consider the first law of thermodynamics: “Energy cannot be created or destroyed, only transformed.” This law itself raises the question: If energy cannot be created, then who created the first energy? The answer, once again, points to God.
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  1. Why do we exist?
    Now that we’ve established that God created the universe, it’s logical to assume that the same Creator must also define the purpose of our existence. But how would God convey this to us? Through prophets.
    When I think of horses, I’m reminded of humans. You might wonder, what do horses have to do with God or the question of why we exist? Let me explain: when you provide a horse with food and water, it is willing to fight by your side in battle, sometimes even sacrificing its life for you. Why does the horse do that?
    Similarly, God has not only provided us with food and water but has also given us an entire universe. In return, He asks us to do good deeds and worship Him. Yet, many humans deny this, believing their lives belong solely to themselves, as if they will live forever. And this denial leads us to the third question.
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  1. What happens after death?
    There’s no denying the existence of evil in the world. Every day, we wake up to heartbreaking news: innocent children being massacred in palestine, women being ra*ped, and countless other atrocities. We’ve become so accustomed to this news that we often continue our day as if nothing happened. Even when sympathetic countries or organizations intervene, the cycle of violence persists, and innocent lives are lost for no reason.
    So, what does this have to do with what happens after death? Those who suffer unjustly deserve justice. And no one is more capable of delivering true justice than their Creator. That’s where the Day of Judgment comes in: if you’ve done good, you’ll be rewarded; if you’ve done evil, you’ll be punished. That’s justice.
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Finally:
You can think of life as an open-book exam, and the one who designed the exam is God. He provided us with guidance through books like the Qur’an and the Bible. Some people study these books diligently and “write on the exam paper” by doing good deeds, preparing for the moment their paper will be taken from them (death).
Others look around aimlessly (atheists), knowing the paper will eventually be taken but choosing not to study or write. And then there are those who do good deeds based on human interpretations (e.g., Buddhists), but since God is the one who sets the rules, such efforts may not align with His expectations.
How do we know the Qur’an came from God?
The Qur’an contains knowledge that was impossible to know 1,400 years ago, and yet it aligns with modern scientific discoveries. Here are a few examples:

  1. The Qur’an mentions that the universe is expanding.
  2. It states that iron is not originally from Earth.
  3. It highlights the healing properties of honey.
  4. It explains that every planet has its own orbit.
  5. It distinguishes between the radiant sun and the reflective moon.
  6. It describes how breathing becomes harder at higher altitudes.
    These insights are just a few of the many examples that demonstrate the Qur’an’s divine origin. People living 1,400 years ago couldn’t have known these facts, and yet the Qur’an mentioned them.
heady nova
heady nova
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For improving English. It's just a piece of writing,that I just randomly thought of and wrote. I have my own faith. Whether it aligns with you or not, I pray and wish for your good health. 👍

queen wedge
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WHAT

queen wedge
queen wedge
heady nova
queen wedge
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The way you're using utopia, I'm quite sure you need to have it lowercase.

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Consider changing: "The notion of a perfectly law-abiding society, like something out of fiction, a Utopia," because a "perfectly law-abiding society" is perhaps not a utopia; there are many interpretations of looking at what a utopia is, but if that's your understanding of it, it works. It is a subject of great debate, clearly, but you can keep it there.

queen wedge
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I found it in a different version, said by Rousseau, "Man is born free, but is everywhere in chains."

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I have personal suggestions but I don't think they really matter that much.

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I would just like to address the fact that wow you're such an amazing writer! Perhaps Im bias because im listening to music right now but reading that was such a wonderful experience, and I genuinely hope that you continue writing.

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I think you have the gift of writing!

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I am not sure what it is about your writing style but it is something to adore, and I think it is a paragon piece, what you've written. You use a lot of rhetorical techniques and literary devices! You use alliteration, allusions, rhetorical questioning, polysyndeton, quotes, parallelism, etc. I won't bore you with that because i am sure they all just come naturally when you write!

I love that you touch such a big topic. It is an important question, and this is just extra but I think in the English language it is a very significant question. There are a lot of texts that look at what it means to love, what it means to loath, what it means to live -- what it means to be human. You address that in a way I like.

You begin with a great hook, looking at a profound question. You look at multiple perspectives and ask amazing questions and then you move on to looking at different perspectives in each paragraph, and you have an excellent conclusion; perhaps not even a panacea can answer this question! :)

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Your piece has a great structure, evidently. I can tell it's not meant to be some academic, argumentative piece or an ostentatious piece but your personage polishing this dilemma -- this diamond in the rough, right?! But it's your English and style that's so amazing!

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I'll say it again, you give examples, you define, you use anaphora, epiphora, AND hypophora (an amazing triplet, btw), irony, personification, symbolism, imagery, a quote (great one that uses like antithesis), an analogy, logos, pathos, balance, and so much more!

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That is all to say, again, you are an adroit author! The only proofreading I give is to your heart: keep writing, keep doing what you do!

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Undeniably there can be feedback given but I think you'll become much better if you keep writing and keep doing what you're doing!

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Oh! There are also a lot of great books on what you're talking about: the human experience! One of the most profound movements that has impacted literature in the 21st century & since WW2 is existentialism.

glad charm
glad charm
glad charm
queen wedge
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The correct way is I am biased

glad charm
queen wedge
heady nova
queen wedge
gilded linden
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Topic: Comparing the sugar content of packaged vs freshly prepared beverages

Significant Study:

The significance of the qualitative study is two major aspects. First, the average daily sugar consumption is equivalent to one tablespoon of sugar found in packaged products. Unfortunately, an increasing concern is the intake of dietary sugars. Second,  the study is focused on the analysis of the consumption of freshly prepared beverages.

Public Health and Nutrition there is growing concern about the high levels of added sugars in various diets, which can lead to serious health issues such as obesity and diabetes. In the Philippines, the rates of these conditions are rising, particularly among younger individuals. This research sheds light on how packaged beverages contribute to sugar intake, often containing more added sugars and artificial sweeteners than their freshly prepared counterparts. By highlighting these differences, the study emphasizes the need for healthier.

Consumer Awareness and Cultural Impact: this study serves to educate consumers about their dietary options. Many packaged drinks are marketed as healthful, yet they may still have high sugar content. By comparing them with freshly made beverages, which typically have lower sugar levels and maintain more nutrients, the research aims to encourage healthier consumption habits. In addition, Filipino dietary traditions involve significant sugar and carbohydrate intake, so the findings can help navigate and shift social attitudes toward prioritizing fresh, homemade alternatives while respecting cultural preferences.

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Policy Implications and Economic understanding of the insights from this study can influence public health policies in the Philippines, particularly given existing regulations like the sugar-sweetened beverage tax aimed at curbing obesity. The findings can support new initiatives aimed at reducing sugar consumption and help develop better nutritional guidelines. The cost-of-living rises. Understanding the financial implications of choosing fresh over packaged beverages can empower consumers to make healthier choices that make healthier choices that also benefit their budgets and long-term health.

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Hi again... This is what my partner added to the significant study

timid harbor
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guys

glad charm
timid harbor
# glad charm ?

Guys
If you wanna say that two people or more are gonna be hosts of an event and you're making a flyer, should it say: Hosting by: or hosted by:?

glad charm
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No colon

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'Hosted' not 'Hosting'

blazing haven
timid harbor
queen wedge
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proofreading!

glad charm
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Two friends and I were trying to make the most foolproof way to dare someone to count down from 10 to 0. The three of us are a bunch of nerds, so we kept finding loopholes in one another's texts. I ended up writing this with the intent of it reading like legalese. I'd like to know if I made any mistakes and if I did achive the 'law vibe' with the text lmao

Let 𝑥 be 10₁₀. Start a base-10₁₀ countdown from 𝑥 to 0₁₀ in #1302367590651396106. Each participant account in the countdown must not send more than one message in a row. Each message must only contain one number. This number must comprise one or two digits and, where 𝑦 is this number, 𝑥 ≥ 𝑦 ≥ 0₁₀ must be true of it. The countdown must be in decrements of 1₁₀. If the expected sequence of messages that should come from properly following these instructions is not found, start back at 𝑥, following the hereinbefore-and-hereinafter-stated instructions. If any message of the sequence contains two or more numbers, start back at 𝑥, following the hereinbefore-and-hereinafter-stated instructions. If one account sends more than one message in a row, start back at 𝑥, following the hereinbefore-stated instructions.

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Any punctuation corrections would be nice, also

stable fractal
stable fractal
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But I'm not a native, nor am I C1/C2 level so idk

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That's my suggestion tho

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As a slight change

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For your text

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If a user (no need for account, as alts can be created, hence resulting in multiple attempts made by one user)

If a user transmits consecutive messages without interruption from a participating user, it is hereby required, that the sequence once again start at χ, with the mere assurance that the previously outlined instructions are abided by.

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@glad charm

glad charm
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Remember, this is trying to be foolproof

glad charm
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My apologies, but how am I to improve if no notes are given?

stable fractal
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you were repeating yourself

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I therefore rephrased what you were trying to state without making it repetitive and still maintaining a courtroom linguistic style while also striving for more conciseness

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@glad charm

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Toward the end of your text it felt like as if you are slowly running out of vocabulary and therefore repeating the same words

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dont take offense in it tho

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it happens very often

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it took me quite some time to come up with different words, too

stable fractal
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writing is very fun once you grasp that you can display your ideas in many ways instead of just one

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and all those different ways all being intellectual in their own way

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atleast that's how I personally view it

heady nova
glad charm
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It's just quite detailed

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wordy ig

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nice stuff

glad charm
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I would have appreciated telling me what the issue is instead of rewriting lol

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thanks for expilaning it

vestal hemlock
# glad charm Two friends and I were trying to make the most foolproof way to dare someone to ...

Nice job, very fun! Some comments:

  • While both ways are correct, I would say “The number must comprise” instead of “This number must comprise”. It has been more common in academic settings I have been in (test instructions, homework, etc), to repeat “The” rather than switch to “This”. Again, both are correct, and it’s really up to personal preference!
  • “must be true of it” does not sound natural here. Instead, use “must be true”! (I’ve never seen the phrase ‘true of it’ used before, in fact.)
  • Like before, I recommend hand “The number” and “where y is the number” rather than “this number.”
    (Using “this number” in this particular sentence made me think of a riddle or puzzle, rather than game instructions. Riddles often use “this __” statements to describe the question.)
  • I agree that the hereinbefore and hereinafter statements are a bit awkward. I would suggest removing them and replacing with “in these instructions”. It is much simpler and will be understood! :)
glad charm
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But yeee, thank you so much for the rest of the pointers!

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I really appreciate it

queen wedge
glad charm
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this isnt your jobb girll

queen wedge
# glad charm Two friends and I were trying to make the most foolproof way to dare someone to ...

You already got feedback, but to me it looks fine! There are small bits you could make more crisp, but I see that you're going for legalese. In that case, I'd actually consider making it more ostentatious. I haven't read a lot of legal documents, but considering the statutes I've read, they'd probably break your events into multiple bits. I can't imagine loopholes at the moment but maybe consider moving your definitions, mathematical or not, to the beginning?

queen wedge
hardy briar
# glad charm Two friends and I were trying to make the most foolproof way to dare someone to ...

Remove the 'of it' after true. Decrements is not a commonly known word, id rephrase to 'must decrease by'. Id remove the hereinafter and hereinbefore and just say 'and follow all of this messages written instructions' or 'and follow each of the instructions written above and below' and at the end id replace hereinbefore with 'following the previously stated' or 'following all of the above instructions'. The way you wrote it sounds so overly wordy and complicated that it's harder to follow than if it were written in a more straightforward way.

glad charm
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youre th second person to mention it

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I can immediatly think of an example of it being used

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mainly the wiki page about sentece predicates

hardy briar
glad charm
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but I am saying that the expression has to be true o the number

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not just that it has to be true

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either way, thank you for the rest of your pointers. I appreciate them. I'll sit down later today or tommorow and rewrite the text using everyone's advice. See how it goes

hardy briar
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I honestly still don't understand what that sentence is trying to say but the true of it definitely doesn't fit, maybe be more specific with what 'it' is and replace it with that. It might work better.

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Ok good luck!

glad charm
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thank yyou :>

stable fractal
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@glad charmperhaps include example(s) in your text so that one may understand the concept both verbally and nonverbally (arithmetically)

hardy briar
glad charm
shrewd shuttle
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Hey I worte a script for my game opening

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Can Anyone proofread and give opinions on it?

hardy briar
shrewd shuttle
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Do u have Twine?

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or should i send u the html file?

vestal hemlock
# glad charm has really no one heeeard of '[x] is truee of [y]' ?

"True of it" is not common at all! I actually showed this to my friend who is a lawyer, and he has not seen it either. That wiki page must be one of the very few contexts 😆
(Speaking of Wikipedia, we should remember that Wikipedia can sometimes have grammatical mistakes, since it can be freely edited by anyone)

vestal hemlock
glad charm
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in BrE 'of' is more used apparently

image.png
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AmE uses 'for' much more

image.png
vestal hemlock
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There's a difference between "Is true of" and " Is true of it", though! I appreciate the graphs, but you are not searching for the same phrase you used in your writing. That is the phrase that I and others have pointed out is odd. It is specific to the word "it" here.

glad charm
glad charm
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so the problenm isnt with like

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'is true of'

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it's with the 'it'?

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that's odd

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Understood

glad charm
vestal hemlock
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Yes! "Is true of" appears in plenty of contexts, such as in test questions: "Which is true of the following options?"

glad charm
glad charm
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with the same meaning as 'is true for'

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is thhe problem with having 'it'?

vestal hemlock
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Ah, I apologize for the confusion! I will edit my first post to specify "it" instead of a generic word [y]. I was incorrect to write it that way!

glad charm
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or with the meaning

glad charm
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The notion of a predicate in traditional grammar traces back to Aristotelian logic.[2] A predicate is seen as a property that a subject has or is characterized by. A predicate is therefore an expression that can be true of something.[3] Thus, the expression "is moving" is true of anything that is moving.

vestal hemlock
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This does not say "is true of it" at all! 😆

glad charm
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Why would using 'it' matter though? It just replaces the noun phrase

vestal hemlock
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It is grammatically correct, just not common, so most native speakers will find it odd. I would avoid using "it" for this reason. But, if you are only concerned about grammar, then it is fine to keep!

If you search the phrase "is true of it" on google, you do get results, some of which from technical or mathematic papers. I think this supports your point! However, many of the results are "is true of IT" ("I.T., information technology), so the number of results might be deceptive.

Overall, the sentence seemed odd to me because of the word "it" specifically. I have never heard or seen it used this way. You are still grammatically correct though, so the decision is yours!

glad charm
vestal hemlock
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Thank you for bringing it up! I had not thought about it this much before. I'm glad we could talk about it more to improve my own understanding.
(What a difficult phrase, that it works with "true of something" and "true of anything", but once you substitute "true of it", all the native speakers turn their heads in confusion! 🤣 )

shrewd shuttle
queen wedge
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I remember watching it last yr in english

hardy briar
# glad charm Oh understood. I guess it's just not something people say, that makes sense. I'l...

I think a good way to look at this phrase, and the way native speakers will understand it, is not as a phrase at all. When we read something like 'which of these is true of the following options' its like the 'of the following options' is completely separate from the 'true'. Like 'which of these is true? You can choose from the following options.' So saying true.... of it. Is very confusing, i have no idea what it is. The of is meant to be like 'out of' or 'from what you've read' or 'what is true... in this list' does that make sense?

hardy briar
glad charm
hardy briar
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But yeah when you see true of x its usually like true, out of x options

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Or something like that

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Or true about something

glad charm
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while many famous scientists have high IQ, this is not true of most scientists; most have an IQ between [x] and [y].

(Random example, idk anything about scientists' IQ)

Here it would mean 'characteristic of', while in your example it's more like 'out of these, which is correct/true'

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Your usage is valid ofc, I just don't think it's the same

hardy briar
glad charm
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Yea that's the meaning I was heading for

hardy briar
glad charm
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Yea that makes sense

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Emily did say natives find it odd to use 'it' with this phrase

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No idea why, but it's probably just a matter of what collocation

hardy briar
glad charm
verbal zinc
heady nova
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I'm open to any kind of critic. Can this piece be considered at C1 or still stuck at B2? let me know: “Good riddance,” Mrs Goodman scoffed,”No crying over a rotten brat - he is better off behind the bar than in this house.” She trudged her way into the house. The cane she had was of no use in her old age. Who would have thought she would have to fend for herself in her old age - even though she had faithfully fulfilled her duties as a devoted wife and a mother. I have raised a snake - a vicious one, just forget about it, oh mine, the kettle, the water must have boiled over by now. Still have to cook for myself. I’m better of alone than in the company of those snakes. She sighed bitterly as the old wooden floor creaked under her heavy steps.

She removed the cover of the kettle, plop, water rippled as a piece of stone splattered inside it. These ingrates - have they not returned to their home yet? Kids these days. What a mess! I will have to boil over another pot of water. She wandered in her thoughts as she saw the ripple in the kettle. The ripple had brought only pain and sorrow in her old age. Had she not given in to her motherly instincts and not brought forth the child into this world … No it was a juggernaut - a force of nature, or what others would call fate indeed.The stone was inevitable; it was bound to cause a ripple in her life, she thought. The light that shone through the window reflected her old self in the water. The folds of wrinkles that showed her age - her sorrow. Fate, indeed, had treated her unkindly, causing her to grow old bitterly, not as what she had expected.

#

The moments she yearned for - grandchildren coming to her embrace and cooking for them and feeding them until they had their fill - was ruthlessly stripped from her by fate; now it remained only a wishful thinking.

The cheerful frolicking of the children brought her attention to the wide field outside. The weather was bright and the rain had settled, leaving the green bosom of mother nature cleansed. Now, only vibrant panorama of nature itself remained. The children paid no heed to the world or whatsoever, their angelic soul and innocent heart reflected in the brightness of their face. I might as well welcome these little strangers. They might like my cookies. No, what if they’re too afraid of my haggard appearance. Who am I too care about these ruthless kids? Better to leave them hungry and have those delicacies to myself. No time to care for kids - not of my own.

hardy briar
# heady nova I'm open to any kind of critic. Can this piece be considered at C1 or still stuc...

what do you mean by 'behind the bar'? im not sure if you mean like, where a bartender works, or behind jail bars, which would be 'behind bars'.
I would use the phrase 'in her old age' only once, maybe replace the second with 'fend for herself at such an age' or 'fend for herself in that condition' or something.
when you use it here, 'brought only pain and sorrow in her old age' maybe say 'had only brought pain and sorrow to the elderly woman' or something.
Put a comma before indeed here 'or what others would call fate indeed'
"now it remained only a wishful thinking." should be 'now it remained only wishful thinking' wishful thinking is plural, you could say 'now it remained to be only a wishful thought' though if you want.
id recommend you rephrase where you say 'whatsoever' here "to the world or whatsoever". whatsoever means like 'at all' like, "they had no fun whatsoever" "the children paid no heed to the world whatsoever" but they way you used it is more like 'anything', its not exactly correct.
since youre talking about more than one child, make souls, hearts, and faces plural here "their angelic soul and innocent heart reflected in the brightness of their face."
"not of my own" doesnt seem like the right phrasing, maybe say 'not kids who arent my own' or 'they are not my own' or something and it will sound better.

I cant say weather its C1 or B2, as i dont know the qualifications, but i think its well written. good imagery and showing emotion, I could believe a young native speaker wrote it so keep it up c:

heady nova
hardy briar
heady nova
heady nova
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? you giving a healthy dose of critic? do give me me feedback that I understand. cuz I didn't get anything you said. if you're talking about grammar I admit I have a lot to improve.

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Good to know.

hardy briar
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A lot of the things highlighted in red here are parts of dialog or thoughts and, yes they aren't formally correct, but they do sound like how people think and speak in real life. That gives the story realism, and i think makes it better than if it was all perfectly correct.

oak arrow
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There are some pros and cons regarding the theory of the end of the Triassic period 200 million years ago. From the article, it explain three critical juncture of the rise of the dinasaurs would extinct.

First theory, the decline of sea levels may harm the coastal and shallow ocean species. however, the Professor disagree with the fact that there is no way that the declining would be a major cause for the extinction. She adding more that if the current sea levels are among the factors of the extinction, it should have massive force that cause coastal and the rest. Unfortunately, the creature from Triassic period still exist due to the complex survival instinct.

Also, the professor againts the second theory regarding of climate cooling. Most of the creature who living in the Triassic period have an ability to adapt to extreme weather such as sea creature, etc.

For the last part, the Professor unsure whether asteroid strike would cause major extinction. She simply stating that none of researcher found an evidence on asteroid that cause massive explotion in the Triassic period.

In the nutshell, all the theory that had been stating from the article has not have a prove of evidence in the field on Professor point of view. Professor being skeptical about the cause of Triassic Extinction.

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please help to fix my grammar to improve my english writing skill..

rotund panther
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hi guys!
should i replace "quitting" with "quit" in these lines?

What kind of drug helps you quiting the drug?
What kind of drug helps you quiting the last one.

hardy briar
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Like where it said 'oh mine'

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Some things that seem obviously stylistic choices are highlighted so i gave them a pass. And actually yes, people say 'oh me, oh mine, oh dearest me' etc

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And it's totally an old lady thing to do.

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When they're being dramatic about stuff

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That has every single book and play and everything in it?

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I've heard it at least a hundred times

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Maybe from movies and in person

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I am

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Its in plenty of songs i can see from just a Google search, video games too, and I've definitely heard it in real life, people say that when they're being dramatic about something

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Just Google it, but add a comma, its a regular phrase, not from a game.

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Apparently its a dialog in Baldurs gate, there's a quest in some puzzle game with that name, it's in a dozen songs that come up on Google

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I'm sure I've heard it in plays

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Look it up

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Youre pardoned

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Here's an example of someone using it irl "Re: Help, help, help please....

Oh me oh mine....Sandeep my buddy...

You really making life hard for me."

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I didn't write that. If u want proof go look for it yourself. Yeah idk it was one thing that i scrolled by, i said apparently, im not gonna go look through bg3 dialog i don't care that much, i just know this is a phrase people use.

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Lived in new jersey all my life

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I think you're the one living under a rock if you never heard that phrase

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Anyway, go be rude to someone else

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Rude

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Haeh?

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I didn't write that lmao

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People say this, it's not an incredibly uncommon expression.

Screenshot_20250106_071915_Brave.jpg
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I think there's no way for you to know that

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Unless you personally read every book

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And you didn't even use the comma

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They didn't say oh me oh mine anyway

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Just oh mine, i could see an old lady saying that 100%, while clutching her chest, in a dramatic fashion

glad charm
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If someone asks not to be called these terms, I think you should stop. 'bro', 'man', and 'dude', though viewed as gender neutral by many, are inherently masculine. So no matter whether you view them as neutral or not, you should respect when someone doesn't like being referred to with these terms. I for one wouldn't be okay with any of them

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That notwithstanding, some trans women and enbies aren't okay with these terms, and that should be respected. I think regardless of one's identity, if they aren't okay with a term, don't use it with them

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It's understandable the first time around, but afterwards it's 100% just being a d^ck (if it's not force of habit)

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Well, that 'now we’re misgendering' and 'and you’re doing it again! it’s crazy how transphobic esl spaces are' were clearly stating she didn't want to be called that. I think it's easy to take the hint she isn't comfy with these terms when she says that. And one look at the bio would have shown the trans flag and pronouns

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Alright whatever you say. To be honest, it appeared like you were speaking with malintent from an outside prespective. I can't say that for sure, and I am not entierly convinced you weren't, but I'd like to drop this debate and ask you to just respect the terms people would prefer not to be refered to by

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Alright.

glad charm
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Girl she said you were misgendering her, that's obviously enough lol. And when she said 'and you’re doing it again!' and called you tansphobic,I think it was very clear.
I say this as someone who misses social hints all the time, it was clear as day she didn't want you to call her 'bro' and 'dude'

queen wedge
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what the

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oh my

fossil quest
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Yeah, I think your character and intent was definitely being misrepresented. I can see your view completely. I can also see why some members of the trans community might be very sensitive to this kind of language. I understand the frustration. But I don't think you deserved to be called the things you were called because of all this.

glad charm
lapis timber
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Aren’t those terms considered gender neutral? 😅

fossil quest
#

I do agree with you that much of what you were asking was being dismissed. Something else I see is that both sides were getting very defensive after the other had either misgendered or misrepresented them. This is a natural human response, not a reflection of bad moral character or intent. I think there were things said on both sides that were not very well thought out.

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The reason I chose to say something to redsunblues is that I already saw that scella had come to defend your position, which was quite well done. But no one was defending redsunblues perspective, so I wanted to show that there was some understanding of what she was trying to convey.

glad charm
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Ross is so intellectual rn damn KikuriLaugh

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We shouldn't argue further. Everything that ought to be said has been. Remember, you all, this is the proofreading channel. I think anything else should be taken elsewhere in the server (one of the general chats?) or to DMs

fossil quest
hardy briar
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Let's get some proof reading stuff going on again

fossil quest
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I'll gladly defend my stance in DMs if you'd like. I think it's best not to drag this on any further in this channel. The only thing I'll say here is that I would not wish to enable anyone to engage in activities that violate such boundaries. If @hardy briar wishes to learn more about this, I would invite her to my DMs as well.

fossil quest
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I think I'll just ask a moderator to scrub out the last 29 hours of this channel. Hopefully we can move on after that

earnest lichen
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Yoo Riidefi, let's get into DMs for a bit.

rotund panther
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hi guys!
"quit" or "quitting" is more correct in these lines:

What kind of drug helps you quiting the drug?
What kind of drug helps you quiting the last one.

hardy briar
rotund panther
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thank you

glad charm
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I think

rotund panther
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wow😳

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thank you guys

glad charm
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yeye on second thought it does sound off

hardy briar
glad charm
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It doesn't sound wrong to me, but I think it's best without the 'to'

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these people seem to be of the same view

image.png
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'to' isn't wrong but it's unnatural apparently

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But I will say, I didn't fully understand the answer

hardy briar
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I don't fully understand the first sentence either but, the reason i used to for the second, is that, if i took it away, to me itd be more natural to say 'what kind of drug would help you quit the last one.' But yeah maybe the to is regional or something. I was thinking in terms of 'in order to' or so.

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Like 'what kind of drug should you take in order to quit the last one', just less wordy.

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Doing x in order to do y is ungramatical?

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What kind of drug helps you in order to quit the last drug. that's how i thought of it

Screenshot_20250107_142224_Brave.jpg
glad charm
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my apologies

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'can be dropped'

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with 'make' it must as well

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but it doesn't explecity say anything about 'help', sadly

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I must sleep now

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Feel free to ping me, I'll respond in the morning

glad charm
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so yea, both work but withjout 'to' is better :p

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good to have confirmation from ssome research or smth

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@hollow jackal ^ nsfw

hollow jackal
heady nova
#

Hi, here’s a story I wrote about a granny. I want the story to end on a note of acceptance. The acceptance should come as Mrs. Goodman observes the calmness and freshness of the environment after a big storm.Let me know if you guys have any idea how I can achieve that. so heres the story:“Good riddance,” Mrs. Goodman scoffed, ” no crying over a rotten brat. He is better off behind bars than in this house.” She trudged her way into the house. The cane she had was of no use in her old age. Who would have thought she would have to fend for herself at this age — even though she had faithfully fulfilled her duties as a devoted wife and a mother? I have raised a snake—a vicious one, just forget about it, oh my, the kettle, the water must have boiled over by now. Still have to cook for myself. I’m better off alone than in the company of those snakes. She sighed bitterly as the old wooden floor creaked under her heavy steps.
She removed the lid of the kettle, plop, water rippled as a piece of stone splattered inside it. These ingrates—have they not returned home yet? Kids these days. What a mess! I will have to boil over another pot of water. She wandered in her thoughts as she saw the ripple in the kettle. The ripple had brought only pain and sorrow in her old age. Had she not given in to her motherly instincts and brought forth the child into this world ... No, it was a juggernaut—a force of nature, or what others would call fate, indeed. She closed the window as she couldn’t bear to hear the crying of the children outside. The stone was inevitable; it was bound to cause a ripple in her life, she thought. The strips of light that seeped through the window reflected her old self in the water. The folds of wrinkles that showed her age—her sorrow. Fate, indeed, had treated her unkindly, causing her to grow old bitterly, not as what she had expected.

#

The moments she yearned for—grandchildren rushing to her embrace and cooking for them, and feeding them until they had their fill—were ruthlessly stripped from her by fate; now it remained only a wishful thought. She dreamt of it all—but fate, it seemed, had come to settle the score with her.
The cheerful frolicking of the children brought her attention to the wide field outside. The weather was bright, and the rain had settled, leaving the green bosom of mother nature cleansed. Now, only a vibrant panorama of nature itself remained. The children paid no heed to the world whatsoever; their angelic souls and innocent hearts reflected in the brightness of their faces. I might as well welcome these little strangers. They might like my cookies. No, what if they’re too afraid of my haggard appearance? Who am I to care about these ruthless kids? Better to leave them hungry and have those delicacies to myself. No time to care for kids—not my own.
The old radio played news: “Heavy snow is expected for 2 days and nights, again. The temperature will drop significantly this time around. Old folks are warned to stay vigilant as the cold might be severe, and prepare a plenty of firewood to keep the place warm. “

#

“Ah. I was right to purchase that firewood from the old lumberjack.” said Mrs. Goodman.”Just in case winter arrived earlier than expected.”
It snowed the following day, and with it came the biting cold, with winds from the north blowing its chilly breath across the town as a harbinger of winter. The old cottage, fortunately, was enough to endure the beatings of snowstorm during those days. Sharp icicles formed at the edges of the roof of the house. The thick snow blocked the roadways.The dark days that followed with the storm were so severe they made the brighter days of autumn seem like a fleeting memory. It lasted for two months.
The ghost of the cherished memories still lingered in every corner of the house. My dear son, what had come to you? Was I ……….. no I didn’t ……..maybe ……blind to your cry?…...never…….no it wasn’t my fau…….. Look.What.It’s morning. Have to to get it. Coffee. You used to bring me warm coff…… that snake. again.

heady nova
heady nova
glad charm
# heady nova Hi, here’s a story I wrote about a granny. I want the story to end on a note of ...

I have to say. This was an amazing read. Your writing is lovely. All my edits are minor punctuation changes, or a missing article, an odd preposition, a missing pronoun, very minor things.

“Good riddance,” Mrs. Goodman scoffed, “no point in crying over a rotten brat. He is better off behind bars than in this house.” She trudged her way into the house. The cane she had was of no use in her old age. Who would have thought she would have to fend for herself at this age—even though she had faithfully fulfilled her duties as a devoted wife and a mother? I have raised a snake—a vicious one. just forget about it. Oh my, the kettle, the water must have boiled over by now. Still have to cook for myself. I’m better off alone than in the company of those snakes. She sighed bitterly as the old wooden floor creaked under her heavy steps.

  1. Stay consistent with if you do or do not offset your em dashes with a space on either side. You did it the first time but not the second.
  2. You used closing double quotation marks to open the second quote: 'no crying over ...'. You also had an extra space before the 'no'.

Made some minor punctuation adjuctements.

She removed the lid of the kettle—plop—the water rippled as a piece of stone fell inside it. These ingrates—have they not returned home yet? Kids these days. What a mess! I will have to boil over another pot of water. She wandered in her thoughts as she saw the ripple in the kettle. The ripple had brought only pain and sorrow in her old age. Had she not given in to her motherly instincts and brought forth the child into this world ... No, it was a juggernaut—a force of nature, or what others would call fate, indeed. She closed the window as she couldn’t bear to hear the crying of the children outside. The stone was inevitable; it was bound to cause a ripple in her life, she thought. The strips of light that seeped through the window reflected her old self in the water. The folds of wrinkles that showed her age—her sorrow. Fate, indeed, had treated her unkindly, causing her to grow old bitterly, not as what she had expected.

  1. added em dashes to offset 'plop', that way it stands out more. This is obviously up to the author.
#

The moments she yearned for—grandchildren rushing to her embrace and her cooking for them and feeding them until they had their fill—were ruthlessly stripped from her by fate; now remained only a wishful thought. She dreamt of it all—but fate, it seemed, had come to settle the score with her.

The cheerful frolicking of the children brought her attention to the wide field outside. The weather was bright, and the rain had settled, leaving the green bosom of mother nature cleansed. Now, only a vibrant panorama of nature itself remained. The children paid no heed to the world whatsoever; their angelic souls and innocent hearts reflected in the brightness of their faces. I might as well welcome these little strangers. They might like my cookies. No, what if they’re too afraid of my haggard appearance? Who am I to care about these ruthless kids? Better to leave them hungry and to have those delicacies to myself. No time to care for kids—not my own.

The old radio played news: “Heavy snow is expected for 2 days and nights, again. The temperature will drop significantly this time around. Old folks are advised to stay vigilant as the cold might be severe. Prepare plenty of firewood to keep the place warm.”

“Ah. I was right to purchase that firewood from the old lumberjack.” said Mrs. Goodman. “Just in case winter arrived earlier than expected.”

It snowed the following day, and with it came the biting cold, 1.with winds from the north blowing its chilly breath across the town as a harbinger of winter. The old cottage, fortunately, was enough to endure the beatings of the snowstorm during those days. Sharp icicles formed at the edges of the roof of the house. The thick snow blocked the roadways. The dark days that followed with the storm were so severe they made the brighter days of autumn seem like a fleeting memory. It lasted for two months.

  1. This sentence is a bit off. I'm assuming you're calling the winds blowing from the north 'the chilly breath of the north', if this is the case, I would phrase it thus:

with winds from the north, its chilly breath, blowing over the town as a harbinger of winter.
or
with winds from the north, its chilly breath, blowing over the town, harbingering winter.

Again, be sure that you use opening and closing quotation marks properly.
You should have a space after full stops.

The ghost of the cherished memories still lingered in every corner of the house. My dear son, what had come to you? Was I……….. no I didn’t…….. maybe…… blind to your cry? Never……. no it wasn’t my fau…….. Look.What.It’s morning. Have to to get it. Coffee. You used to bring me warm coff…… that snake. Again.

There isn't much to change here. Cpatalised the final 'Again'. Removed spaces before the elipses

#

Some of the changes aren't bolded. But I did bold any major ones

heady nova
glad charm
heady nova
# heady nova “Ah. I was right to purchase that firewood from the old lumberjack.” said Mrs. G...

so this is is the ending. Do let me know how you guys thought of it. The son she had raised—she had watched him becoming a stranger, day by day, right before her eyes. The boy she once knew was gone. Then the day finally came when her son was escorted away, his hands cuffed behind his back. She muttered, “When did I ever ask for apparel….” Tears flowed unbridled from her eyes. “Wasn’t this tiny cottage of ours enough… for our family… Wasn’t it a castle of our own…?”

She stepped onto the veranda. The night sky stretched out above her, vast and indifferent. Orion, Libra…Capricorn….Aries…….her son had once traced those constellations with his finger, his young voice eager as he asked their names. Even the night sky reminded her of him.

She thought, ”I light the lamp every night in case you ever return home, you know? So, you won’t wander off. Whenever I hear a tiny rustle, I always think…I always hope… that it’s you.” Her gaze drifted to the path.” I won’t be here for long, waiting… looking down this path for your return, my son. My son, it pains me …who will be waiting for you as I have, in my stead?”.

The moonlit night revealed the renewed vibrancy after the storm. Dew breathed new life into the grasses that had been left desolate under the snow. The cool breeze grazed her silver hair. She took a long breath and found new strength in accepting her fate. After a long pause, she closed the door.

The grasses rustled. Her heart leaped. She hurried to open the door and looked around, but found nothing.

golden mesa
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Probably it is but I liked it regardless

heady nova
#

You can suggest,I never said otherwise. However, do keep in mind that we're not native speakers and are still learning the language. When you mention that we're 'dancing on English literature,' offering imaginative explanations, and so on, it feels like mockery. Yes, we're trying to be creative and explore, and as a native speaker, your criticism should add actual value, not mock us or denigrate non-natives. Please feel free to critic I will openly welcome any grammatical suggestions and also any help to improve the writing style that is both insightful and creative.

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this: Ah yes, the delightful phenomenon where ESL speakers engage in an elegant dance of creative English interpretations, each encouraging the other's unique take on grammar with increasingly imaginative explanations
ESL speakers inadvertently? reinforcing each other's non-standard constructions sure is something

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so any actual suggestion. so you're suggesting we should stick to the basic and stop being imaginative and creative?

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and this: tundim — 06/01/2025, 11:40
? you giving a healthy dose of critic? do give me me feedback that I understand. cuz I didn't get anything you said. if you're talking about grammar I admit I have a lot to improve.
riidefi — 06/01/2025, 11:43
A2. without a doubt?

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and hey I'm open to friendly conversation but it is hard get around the rudeness.

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it's no use. thank you for your suggestions. hope you have a nice day/night.

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yes. i did get your suggestions and even made the changes. but i've also kept some of it for my stylistic approach? and ofc whaterver you say......

golden mesa
#

Warning ⚠️: The story ahead does make sense in the slightest because the author is high on instant ramen 🍜 If you feel disgusted in the middle feel free to throw up.

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"What is a mother known for?" — For enduring, For being brave, for selflessness and for sacrificing. That's the kind of mother He had, Silva. "What did the mother not do for him?" From birthing to raising him into a man who could live on his own independently, From feeding him her share of bread in times of scarcity, from tolerating his father's abusive personality to letting herself starve so her son could become a better person in life. All that was just a pity to her son as he stormed out the door not looking back at her weeping mother even for once. She had become wrinkly old and now not even her husband was there, although in his days for as long as he was alive he only abused her, it would have been a way to fend off her loneliness in her last days when there was nobody who would wanna live her last days with her, on her rickety old bed, she awaited her long-for end that neither seemed to come nor seemed to scare her even a bit as though all the underserved trauma she had been through made her careless for what was coming.

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Death wasn't something she shivered to the name of but her husband was. Neither in hell nor in the darkest place of the planet could she have been more tormented than she had been here, her husband a man who was although a teacher didn't know how to treat a woman right. Memories are joyful and delighting to most but to her they were filled with torture and relentless cries, cries that were never heard of, cries that could only remain within the household never to be asked the reason for nor be vanquished by anyone from the outside, such a life she had with the most gratefulness in the world. No complaints remained in her heart, she thought of the injustice as a mischief of fate. A Few days had passed since her son left and now she couldn't even get out of her bed for any purpose, to bathe, to defecate, to eat, or even to cook for herself. She had given up on life already accepting that she is bound to face death with nobody present in her last days.

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Her bed now was not just rickety but also odorous due to the defecation done on it. She was laying in a muddy, rickety bed that now stank. Silva as he was jobless and the money he had was slowly subsiding decided to come back to his mother with no other choice. He made his way up the creaky stairs to where his mom was, the sight made his heart drop for a sec. In front of him was a dead Layla with her own feces that covered the wraps and almost the entirety of her body. The son was stunned for a moment, disgusted and felt miserable for being selfish enough to have left her in her last days. "I should have stayed with her and kept her happy!" Said the son as he moved gradually to his mom's body. He was repulsed but not by the stench but by his undeniably conceited actions towards his mom, he wished he could hear his mom's last words and keep them within for life. But he couldn't it was late, too late . His father died naturally way before his mom and he was sort of pleased that now his and his mom's days of being abhorrently oppressed were over.

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But this time it was purely hurtful and sentimental although he hadn't cared much about his mom or any parent in general due to the maltreatment by his father. Maybe now, had he realised what family meant. He wept by the bed she was laying on as he remembered the memories although abusive, they were. They reminded him of the kindness and benevolence his mother held in her heart towards everyone she ever spoke with. Silva could not have afforded to hold an official funeral of his mom, so he did a small burial by himself and paid his respects to his mom's tomb. The night after, he dreamt of his mother.

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playing in the backyard with him when he was little and it kinda soothed his heart. He lives on and decides to prioritise his people a little more.

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I know, I don't deserve to live after this but this was all for the purpose of practising . Spare me

heady nova
golden mesa
heady nova
# golden mesa Please, read through my writing I was inspired by your sharpness and probably co...

I really like it. The sentences are long and complex, which gives the story a rich, layered feel. It carries a lot of emotional weight, and the pacing fits the tone beautifully. I’m not in a position to critique the grammar, but the depth of the story is impressive. And of course, no problem at all if you’ve ever been inspired by my or others writing. every writer draws inspiration from somewhere.

golden mesa
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Love you 😘

heady nova
heady nova
young wyvern
queen wedge
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for proofreading :)

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you can send in stuff you wrote and hopefully people will proofread them

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i try to proofread but ive been soso busy

golden mesa
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Hmm, People leave their writing here and if there are any flaws or something that can be worked on, others advise them and guide them to improvement.

ionic jetty
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My Life story
My story started like any other story would. I was just a kid, not knowing who I was, running around trying to find a friend. After a while, I had to start making my own decisions, which was pretty hard. It still is, to be honest. I still didn’t have a clue who I was then. But now that I’m older, I’ve figured it out. And that's what I’m here to tell you. Who I am and how you can find yourself in hard times.

At the age of three. I was adopted and I was scared, I didn't know what life would be like outside of all of those other houses. I thought I was just going to move again. Back then I didn't understand that I would have an actual family. I found myself very intrigued by the dog my mom had, her name was Sante. As time went on, I started going to school. I went to crossroads and I had many good friends. Because they were good friends they always helped me during hard times. They left a footprint in my heart, and I can still count on them to this day.

As I grew up even more I faced challenges like any other kid would, I always found a group of kids who would always mess with me but I thought they were just being friends. But now I look back and I can see that they were just using me for answers on tests, they were never actually my friends. I still somehow find these types of people that just use me. I found out that I am very vulnerable, yet I am strong. My mom helped me through the harsh years. No matter how hard.

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Because all of that happened, all of that anger and hurt that I felt from the betrayal of my “friends” all just came out one day when I was skiing with my mom. I remember that I wanted to become a great skier one day. So I took all of that anger and sorrow and put it into skiing, I trained and trained until one day I was off to the National Championships for downhill skiing. As I flew down the hill I realized that I might not even make it top ten contestants. After that run down the hill I went into the ski lodge to get some food. I remember my mom saying that we should go out and see if I won anything, at first I was very hesitant. Then I agreed, and we walked outside and waited. They called third place first, then second place, then first. I remember they said “And now for the first-place winner, Isaiah Macintosh” I was stunned! I froze in place and my mom just nudged me up to the podium. I was so happy. I looked out into the crowd and I saw my mom, smiling a proud smile.

That just shows that anger can be channeled into something greater. The more I grew up, I started to get into money, so I got my first job as a referee at Brookside Soccer, I made a lot of money that season. As I continued to grow, I later found out who I was, I figured out that I wasn’t just a kid who could do special things, I was someone who went through a lot as a kid, someone who used that fear that got pressed upon him as a kid to make him fly. I am a skier, a scholar, a friend, a helper, and most importantly, a kind person. My mom was here all the way through. She is the biggest part of me and my life.

The only way to find yourself is to forgive and forget. The more you drag something along with you through your life, the harder it will be to walk. And sometimes you need to fall before you fly. If you are someone who has just lost someone, just think of this “Your heart has to break before it can heal”. There is always something that you can do to find yourself in any situation.

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please join my blog at

glad charm
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I'd appreciate it if someone could proofread this. It leans a bit technical, so I'd like to know if the style of writing reflects the content well. Many thanks in advance :>

'Glottal' in phonology and phonetics refers to consonants articulated in the space between your two vocal cords, otherwise referred to as the 'glottis'. 'glottal', of course, is only the adjective form of 'glottis', so it doesn't have to be used for sounds (for example, 'glottal cancer'; though, it's more often called 'glottic cancer'), but, here, it's used to refer to a sound whose place of articulation is the glottis. The glottis is part of the larynx and opens onto the trachea, also known as the windpipe.

'Geminated' is the fancy way to say 'elongated' when referring to mainly consonant sounds. Some languages make a distinction with the length of consonants, not just vowels. That means that a word with a /s/ could mean something else if that /s/ became longer than is typical. You can do this with all kinds of sounds. /p/ can be held for an extra bit of time before release, and the same thing with /d/. Examples of languages where gemination can change meaning are Arabic and Finnish. In Finnish, 'muta' means 'mud' but 'mutta' means 'but'. In Arabic, 'darasa' means 'he studied', while 'darrasa' means 'he taught' (Finnish example from A Comprehensive Finnish Grammar by Fred Karlsson).

'Plosive' or 'stop' in phonetics and phonology refers to a type of sound that is articulated by fully cutting off airflow by pressing two articulators (such as the tip of the tongue and the alveolar ridge) together, then releasing the air all at once with or without vibration of the vocal folds, which controls if the sound is, what phonologists and phoneticians call, 'voiced' or 'voiceless', i.e., whether there is sharp air turbulence in the sound. Examples of plosives in English would be /p/, /b/, /t/, /d/, /k/, and /g/.

Putting all of this together, a geminated glottal plosive/stop would be a complete closure of the airway at the position right between the vocal folds, followed by a longer-than-usual pause, before an explosive release of the sound.

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Punctuation corrections would be great if there are any mistakes

heady nova
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This is the beginning of a story. There might be some offensive words, but I want the story to be as professional and authentic as possible. I’ve used a certain style I’ve read in my academic books. Please tell me if I’ve done it right. Also do excuse my grammar and tell me where I've messed up.

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the story: “Where do I see myself in 5 years?” Beads of sweat broke out from his forehead as he fiddled with the pen in his hand. “Um, uh... I do find myself doing something in the future. Let’s say…”. He found it hard to squeeze another word from his mouth. His throat felt dry. His lips parched. A nervous twitch across his face, as clear as day.

Dark goggles. Jet-black jacket. Gold chain—it shone bright like his future. The latest Rolex watch? Shoot it from the hip—high probability, he already had it. His friend James: White wife-beater. Ciggy in hand. White rim stained with black nicotine—pungent smell.

heady nova
glad charm
# heady nova the story: “Where do I see myself in 5 years?” Beads of sweat broke out from his...

Ngl I only have two comments.

I do find myself doing something in the future.

^ I think this should be either

I will find myself ...
or
I can see/imagine myself ...

They have kinda different vibes, but idk what the difference is

Second thing is that 'His friend James: White wife-beater' should be 'His friend James: white wife-beater'. You don't capitalise nouns after a colon unless they're proper nouns

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Also,

'shoot it from the hip ..."
This is my first time hearing this expression, but I'm not sure if you've used it correctly. Looking around online, it seems to mean to talk recklessly without thinking, not to make a wild guess. I'd ask someone else about that, but if you're sure about it, ignore this bit

heady nova
glad charm
glad charm
# ionic jetty Because all of that happened, all of that anger and hurt that I felt from the be...

Punctuation:

And that's what I'm here to tell you***:*** who I am and how you can find yourself in hard times.

Punctuation:

At the age of three***,*** I was adopted***,*** and I was scared***;*** I didn't know what life would be like outside of all of those other houses.

Punctuation and a note:

I found myself very intrigued by the dog my mom had***.*** Her name was Sante.
Note: it's not clear to whom the 'her' refers. It could be the mum or the dog.

Punctuation and a note:

I went to crossroads***,*** and I had many good friends.
Note: 'went to crossroads' is a bit odd. If you mean 'had to make important decisions', you could say 'I arrived at many crossroads' or 'I reached many crossroads'.

Punctuation:

Because they were good friends***,*** they always helped me during hard times.

Punctuation and a note:

As I grew up even more***,*** I faced challenges like any other kid would***.*** I always found a group of kids who would always mess with me***,*** but I thought they were just being friends.
Note: using 'always' twice in such close proximity sounds bad. I'd suggest getting rid of the second one.

Punctuation and a note:

But now I look back***,*** and I can see that they were just using me for answers on tests***;*** they were never actually my friends.
Note about the semicolon: I'm not sure if that should be a semicolon or a colon. I'm inclined to use a colon, but a semicolon would be the safer option.

A note:

I still somehow find these types of people that just use me.
Note: this is the third time you have used 'just' in this small section of text. I'd suggest changing that.

Grammar and a note:

My mom helped me through the harsh years. No matter how hard they were.
Note: 'No matter how hard' on its own is incomplete.

Punctuation and a note:

Because all of that happened, all of that anger and hurt I felt from the betrayal of my "friends", it all just came out one day when I was skiing with my mom.
Note: I'm not exactly sure why, but it sounds better with the 'it'. Feel free to get rid of it.

Punctuation:

So I took all of that anger and sorrow and put it into skiing***.*** I trained and trained until***,*** one day***,*** I was off to the National Championship for downhill skiing.

Punctuation, grammar, and a note:

As I flew down the hill***,*** I realized that I might not even make it to the top ten***.***
Note: I normally hear it as 'make it to the top 10/3/etc.'

Punctuation:

After that run down the hill***,*** I went into the ski lodge to get some food.

Punctuation:

I remember my mom saying that we should go out and see if I won anything***.*** At first***,*** I was very hesitant***;*** then***,*** I agreed, and we walked outside and waited.

Punctuation, grammar, and notes:

I remember they said***,*** "And now for the first-place winner, Isaiah Macintosh***!" I was stunned! I froze in place,*** and my mom just nudged me up to the podium. I was so happy. I looked out onto the crowd***,*** and I saw my mom, smiling a proud smile.
Note 1: I'm not exactly sure if 'into', 'onto', or 'over' should be used. I suggest checking with someone else.
Note 2: 'smiling a proud smile' is a little silly. You should try to use a different word. Here are some suggestions: 'with a proud smile', 'a proud smile adorning her face'.

I might do the last two paragraphs later today. Sorry for not doing the whole thing, but I got tired of proofreading 😅 I hope this somewhat helps. Your writing is pretty good overall

glad charm
# ionic jetty Because all of that happened, all of that anger and hurt that I felt from the be...

Alright,

Grammar and a note:

The more I grew up, the more I started to get into money, so I got my first job as a referee at Brookside Soccer, and I made a lot of money that season.
Note: 'the more [x], the more [y]' is sort of a set expression. Both halves have 'the more', normally, or some sort of comparative.

Punctuation, grammar, and notes:

As I continued to grow, I found out who I was, and I figured out that I wasn’t just a kid who could do special things***:*** I was someone who went through a lot as a kid, someone who used that fear that got pressed upon him to make him fly.
Note 1: 'As I continued to grow' already does the job of the 'later' in 'I later found out who ...'. It's not needed.
Note 2: You repeated 'a kid' a few times. I don't think the last one is necessary.

Punctuation and notes:

If you are someone who has just lost someone, just think of this***:*** “Your heart has to break before it can heal”.
Note 1: 'someone who has just lost someone' is repetitive. I suggest changing the phrasing so you don't repeat 'someone' twice: 'If you have just lost someone dear to you ...'.
Note 2: You've used 'just' twice in close proximity. I suggest getting rid of the first one.

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I think the only thing I'd say is that you should try repeat words less

glad charm
grave stump
glad charm
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that makes no sense

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it may be correct grammatically, but it doesn't work semantically

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At least, not in any way I can think of

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Unless they like, time traveled, and are at the moment discovering that theyre doing something in what to them is the future

crystal rover
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or his mind traveled to the future where he sees himself doing something
this is how i understood it

glad charm
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While it could work in a niche context, that's obviously not what's intended here :p

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well, I shouldn't say obviously, but from what I can tell, there isn't time travel involved. The actual writer may have intended that though

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I corrected it based on what info I had from the text

glad charm
grave stump
glad charm
grave stump
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regarding the quoted, to me it seems the best how it is. writer refers to present, how does he see now

heady nova
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so here's a revised version. I wanted to write a satire. let me know if I've done it right in the story. the story: this scene is present: “Where do I see myself in 5 years?” Beads of sweat broke out on his forehead as he fiddled with the pen in his hand. “Um, uh... I do find myself doing something in the future. Let’s say…” He found it hard to squeeze another word from his mouth. His throat felt dry. His lips were parched. A nervous twitch crossed his face, as clear as day.
Past:
Dark goggles. Jet-black jacket. Gold chain—it shone bright like his future. The latest Rolex watch? Shoot it from the hip—high probability, he already had it.

"Mark! Over here!" His friend waved at him. "Didn't expect you here. How's it going, bud?"
"Ah, hey there!" Marcus waved in response. "I'm good. Didn't expect to bump into you either, Jimmy."

His friend James: White wife-beater. Ciggy in hand. White rim stained with black nicotine—pungent smell. His short stature with bulging belly—almost comical.

"It's hard to see you around," he scratched his beard. "Heard you moved to the east side?"
"Yeah," Marcus forced a smile, "Cindy and I moved in together there."

“Man, you hear about Jack? He had it good. He made ten times what he invested in NUTS.” He blew another puff. “That darn dog is going to rub it in our faces now that he’s riding on his high horse.”

“He’s talking big bucks now, eh. He thinks he’s gonna go places with that money? Shoot, it ain’t even 50,000 bucks he’s talking about,” snickered Marcus, his eyes roaming the surroundings.

He had just purchased a leather-finished Louis Vuitton bag with gold hardware and crocodile-skin inlays for his girlfriend. His girl is gonna love him more. For sure. She’d be over the moon. A slight grin spread across his face as he imagined it.

heady nova
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continuation: "Let him ride the high horse. He's gonna fall sharply in no time." No time for trifles. Have to go. With a hint of urgency and disdain on his face, he casually flicked his wrist—a shiny Rolex telling him it was time to go. "Let's catch up another day! Have to run—"

"But we just met." James cut in, disappointment evident, "You must be busy these days, huh?"

James could tell he was a bother. "Let's catch up another day, will ya?" he added to save face.

Marcus nodded. "Alright, alright." He strutted forward, taking no heed of James.

heady nova
glad charm
#

I'd appreciate it if someone could proofread this. It leans a bit technical in its content, so I'd like to know if the explanation is good. What could be improved upon? Punctuation corrections are always welcome, as I quite value proper punctuation.
My goal was to do a casual explanation of what a 'Geminated glottal plosive' is. An attempt to explain it to someone with no linguistic knowledge. Did I achieve that?

Many thanks in advance :>

'Glottal' in phonology and phonetics refers to consonants articulated in the space between your two vocal cords, otherwise referred to as the 'glottis'. 'glottal', of course, is only the adjective form of 'glottis', so it doesn't have to be used for sounds (for example, 'glottal cancer'; though, it's more often called 'glottic cancer'), but, here, it's used to refer to a sound whose place of articulation is the glottis. The glottis is part of the larynx and opens onto the trachea, also known as the windpipe.

'Geminated' is the fancy way to say 'elongated' when referring to mainly consonant sounds. Some languages make a distinction with the length of consonants, not just vowels. That means that a word with a /s/ could mean something else if that /s/ became longer than is typical. You can do this with all kinds of sounds. /p/ can be held for an extra bit of time before release, and the same thing with /d/. Examples of languages where gemination can change meaning are Arabic and Finnish. In Finnish, 'muta' means 'mud' but 'mutta' means 'but'. In Arabic, 'darasa' means 'he studied', while 'darrasa' means 'he taught' (Finnish example from A Comprehensive Finnish Grammar by Fred Karlsson).

'Plosive' or 'stop' in phonetics and phonology refers to a type of sound that is articulated by fully cutting off airflow by pressing two articulators (such as the tip of the tongue and the alveolar ridge) together, then releasing the air all at once with or without vibration of the vocal folds, which controls if the sound is, what phonologists and phoneticians call, 'voiced' or 'voiceless', i.e., whether there is sharp air turbulence in the sound. Examples of plosives in English would be /p/, /b/, /t/, /d/, /k/, and /g/.

Putting all of this together, a geminated glottal plosive/stop would be a complete closure of the airway at the position right between the vocal folds, followed by a longer-than-usual pause, before an explosive release of the sound.

heady nova
bleak saddle
#

I tried a new writing method. Unlike usual I used Mdbook to write this. That means I don't get spell check or the grammarly checker. Is this a reasonable quality or should I go back to the old method?

Chapter 1

It was a cold morning in the slums. As usual, Brandon awoke to the sounds of the city coming to life. He lived in a decrepit shanty house that was barely standing. The roof leaked when it rained, and the walls were covered in mold. But it was home, and Brandon loved it. He, and his parents had lived there for as long as he could remember.

"Brandon, wake up! It's time for breakfast," his mother called from the kitchen.

Brandon groaned and rolled out of bed. He dressed himself hastily and made his way to the kitchen. His mother was already there, setting the table with a bowl of plain white rice. It was the only thing they could afford, but it was warm and filling.

As Brandon sat down to eat, his father entered the room. He was a tall man, with a dark tan and calloused hands. He worked in the mines, digging for precious gems that were sold to the nobles in the city. It was backbreaking work, but it put food on the table. As he sat down to eat, he looked at Brandon with a smile.

"Today's the day, son. Are you ready?" he asked.

Brandon nodded nervously. Today was the day of the mana examination, where all children who had come of age would have their magical potential tested. It was a day that Brandon had been looking forward to for years.

"Remember, you are our ticket out of this place. Make us proud," his father said, clapping him on the back.

Brandon finished his breakfast and stood up. He hugged his parents tightly before heading out the door. The town square was a fair distance from the slums, and he wanted to get there early. As he shut the door behind him, he took a deep breath of the fresh air and took a confident stride forward.

As he walked through the slums, he couldn't help but notice the poverty that surrounded him. The buildings were falling apart, and the people looked tired and hungry. Children played in the streets, their laughter echoing off the walls. Brandon smiled as he watched them, remembering his own childhood in the slums, when he noticed a little girl fall and scrape her knee. He frowned and walked over to her, kneeling down to inspect the wound.

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"Here, it's ok, let me help you," he said, pulling a bandage out of his pocket.

He wrapped the bandage around her knee and gave her a reassuring smiles. "There, all better." The little girl thanked him and ran off to continue playing. Brandon stood up and continued on his way, his heart aching for the people of the slums.

Finally, he arrived at the town square, where the mana examination was being held. A large crystal ball sat in the center of the square, surrounded by a crowd of people. Brandon pushed his way through the crowd and took his spot in line. After what felt like hours, the announcer appeared on stage. "Welcome, children, to the mana examination. Please step forward and place your hands on the crystal ball. The ball will glow if you have magical potential. The color will determine the type of magic you possess. Now without further ado, let us begin."

A young girl stepped forward and placed her hands on the crystal ball. It glowed a soft blue before fading away. The crowd clapped and cheered as she stepped back. "Congratulations, you have an affinity for water magic." said the announcer. Next the anouncer called up a young boy with brown hair. "Put your hands on the orb little one." said the announcer. The boy followed his direction and excitedly placed his hands on the orb. After a few seconds passed the boys expression changed from one of excitement to one of disappoinment. The orb had not glowed at all. "I'm sorry, it seems you do not have any magical potential." said the announcer. "Please step aside."

Brandon watched nervously as child after child stepped forward, each failing to display any talent for magic. Finally, it was his turn. He took a deep breath and stepped forward, placing his hands on the crystal ball.

At first, nothing happened. Brandon's heart sank as he watched the crystal ball remain dark. But then, slowly, it began to glow. A soft green light emanated from the ball, growing brighter and brighter until it was blinding. The crowd gasped and stepped back as the ball shattered into a million pieces. Brandon stood there, his hands still outstretched, a look of shock on his face. And then, the crowd erupted into cheers and applause. Brandon stood still, his mind reeling from what had just happened. He had a talent for magic, a rare and powerful talent that few possessed. As the cheers died down, Brandon's excitement was replaced by a growing sense of unease. He had always dreamed of becoming a mage, but now that it was real, he couldn't help but worry about what it meant for his future. The expectations, the responsibilities, and the unknown challenges ahead weighed heavily on his mind. He glanced back at the slums, his home, and wondered if he would ever see it the same way again. With a deep breath, he steeled himself for the journey that lay ahead, knowing that his life would never be the same.

somber current
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Other than that, I thought it was excellent writing!

heady nova
bleak saddle
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I just realized I forgot to indent everything

heady nova
bleak saddle
heady nova
bleak saddle
heady nova
bleak saddle
#

Did some reading and Quillbot is well known for showing false positives.

bleak saddle
heady nova
glad charm
rotund panther
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guys is there any grammatical mistakes:

So, when we got* crossed
It was* caused not just by someone's power
What we'd* made is our trouble
And fault
And we're gonna cost
As* the paycheck* we spent
Staying empty of that
And it feels like we get to the end

bleak saddle
heady nova
# bleak saddle Can someone give me some suggestions on how to improve my writing?

Could you please look at my piece? I know I'm not qualified to critique the grammar, but I can certainly share my opinions on the piece and offer suggestions for improvement, if you'd like. Your grammar is phenomenal, and I can clearly see that, so could you critique mine as well? Only if you want to, of course. I'll send you my piece if you say okay.

outer fjord
heady nova
# outer fjord What are the asterisks for?

I think somekind of poetic tool the author used? And I don't understand why would the author ask for grammar as poem doesn't really follow any grammar. Maybe im wrong .but it seems like a piece of poem and has a rhythm or rhyme maybe?

rotund panther
outer fjord
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Yea, it could be some kind of poetic cool, provided that @rotund panther is not the writer himself. And I think poems generally do follow grammar. Yea, it's true that they sometimes don't maintain grammar, usually they do that to emphasize on their thoughts, ideas. When one aims to employ imagery and literary devices, they nay break gramnatical rules. But if they keep coming out of grammatical rules on each occasion, their poems may not be as appealing.
Btw it's hard to tell whether that was a piece of a poem or a part of a story. But tbh I didn't get on what he really wanted to convey, I found the context too insufficient to presume the implications of the stanza (say, as we are nit really sure)

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@heady nova

outer fjord
heady nova
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It is particularly a long story. And again, I'm all ears for criticism.“Where do I see myself in 5 years?” Beads of sweat broke out on his forehead as he fiddled with the pen in his hand. “Um, uh... I do find myself doing something in the future. Let’s say…” He found it hard to squeeze another word from his mouth. His throat felt dry. His lips were parched. A nervous twitch crossed his face, as clear as day.

Dark goggles. Jet-black jacket. Gold chain—it shone bright like his future. The latest Rolex watch? Shoot it from the hip—high probability, he already had it.

"Mark! Over here!" His friend waved at him. "Didn't expect you here. How's it going, bud?"

"Ah, hey there!" Marcus waved in response. "I'm good. Didn't expect to bump into you either, Jimmy."

His friend James: White wife-beater. Ciggy in hand. White rim stained with black nicotine—pungent smell. His short stature with a bulging belly—almost comical.

"It's hard to see you around," he scratched his beard. "Heard you moved to the east side?"

"Yeah," Marcus forced a smile, "Cindy and I moved in together there."

“Man, you hear about Jack? He had it good. He invested in NUTS, and now he’s made 10 times his money. Who knew that a handful of NUTS could be this profitable?” He blew another puff. “That darn dog is going to rub it in our faces now that he’s riding on his high horse.”

“He’s talking big bucks now, eh. He thinks he’s gonna go places with that money? Shoot, it ain’t even 50,000 bucks he’s talking about,” snickered Marcus, his eyes roaming the surroundings.

He had just purchased a leather-finished Louis Vuitton bag with gold hardware and crocodile-skin inlays for his girlfriend. His girl is gonna love him more. For sure. She’d be over the moon. A slight grin spread across his face as he imagined it.

#

"Let him ride the high horse. He's gonna fall sharply in no time." No time for trifles. Have to go. With a hint of urgency and disdain on his face, he casually flicked his wrist—a shiny Rolex telling him it was time to go. "Let's catch up another day! Have to run—"

"But we just met." James cut in, disappointment evident, "You must be busy these days, huh?"

James could tell he was a bother. "Let's catch up another day, will ya?" he added to save face.

Marcus nodded. "Alright, alright." He strutted forward, taking no heed of James.

“Thank you for your time.” A disembodied voice pulled him to the present. The interviewer seemed to jot down something on a paper before gazing at him. “We’ll let you know if we need anything. Anything you’d like to ask before we wrap it up?”

“Er. When might I hear back about the offer?" asked Marcus.

"That depends on our client. If they approve, we'll contact you with the details. Thank you for your time!” answered the interviewer with an obligatory smile.

“Thank you for the opportunity!” Marcus forced out a smile. He left the building more worried than when he entered it. I ruined it! You had one chance, and you threw it down the drain.

The vast and indifferent crowd passed through him. In the crowd of people, he could feel a glaring loneliness. The loneliness that yearned to be filled. Loved. Pitied. And cared for. Who would’ve thought a swipe of a card couldn’t buy these?

#

Promises. Lies. Prosperity. Stagnancy. Happiness. Low-life. His life resembling the latter.

His mind wandered to a distant memory when he still thought he could recover. Once shot at a chance of wealth, the life of freedom, the life a commoner could only dream of. One chance at life, he thought. He thought he could trust James. After all, he was the one who had held him in his lowest.

“Believe me, your investment would double in no time,” James had insisted. Another day. Another month. Another year. But the day didn’t come. The investment didn’t give any return at the end of the day. He lurked at the door of his friend, but his friend had no sign of living there as if he had vanished into thin air. He must have left, he thought. He could punch a hole through his mouth if he had one chance to see James again. Vitriol filled his mind. He could never imagine he was capable of such cruelty.

Walking past the fence, he could already hear Cindy talking to someone on the phone. Maybe her dad. Or her mom probably. A stranger perhaps. A new lover? Is she too going to leave me? He couldn't tell if what he heard was real or if his mind was playing tricks on him. The love he asked of her wasn't getting any cheaper and showed no sign of becoming affordable anytime soon. He had already forgotten how to discern reality from his constant imagination. His imagination had amalgamated with the life he lived. Fear and weariness, his constant companions. Saggy and lifeless eyes that could suck the life out of a living soul.

#

He didn't say anything to Cindy as he didn't know what he would do if he saw her. Cindy didn't notice him either, as she was busy making merry with someone on the other end of the phone. "Is that so? Like, I'm so jealous of you right now, girl. I wish I had those Louboutins too." Cindy talked boisterously as if to make sure her complaint was heard loud and clear. "Of course, because your husband loves you so." Cindy doodled with her hands. "Ah. He's a jobless bum. Nothing but a headache. He couldn't afford them, even if he wished—not for the price of his soul."

His wife, Cindy, he remembered, was a woman of class and fine taste. Wines under 1000 dollars left a bitter and bland taste in her mouth. Yeah, only the finest she chose. She had heard from her friend that FILTH was gonna blow up. So, she had convinced him to invest all his money in it. She wouldn’t shut up. She wouldn’t drink her daily sip of top-shelf whisky and even avoided the caviar-and-truffle diets she followed religiously. She was getting pitiful. He couldn’t win. He invested his lifetime earnings in FILTH. They expected it would make them filthy rich, not leave them in filth. The stock came crashing down, and their investment didn’t amount to much more than a few thousand bucks. Cindy had grown paranoid. She wouldn’t eat, drink, or do anything. Later, she found a company in a rich lady, Sandy, whom she had met in the salon. Before, they—he and his wife, Cindy—used to huddle together to comfort each other in their misery when they were not at each other’s throats. Now she spent most of her time spilling tea with her new companion to fill the void.

#

Marcus, as for him, was still in denial. He even invested the remaining few bucks they had in NUTS, a crypto James said was like no other.

Together they had decided to become a mom and dad. To an Afghan hound. The Afghan hound almost strikingly resembled his beloved wife. Both were expensive and drained his wallet. The Afghan hound bit his wallet every time it got the chance. But his wife was the one who had bored an unrecoverable hole there. He had given up his bike to buy the Afghan hound. He missed his bike. But at least it got to go for servicing every month—but for the Afghan hound. It grew more hair every month—more than what he was losing each time he looked at the receding hairline in the mirror.

He remembered he had a room to himself as Cindy, for some reason, couldn't sleep with him. It had been half a year already since they started sleeping separately. The room was like his soul. Sad and filthy. He looked to the other side of the room. The participation trophy glistened as good as new. Memories teased the corners of his mind of a time when awards were hoarded like dimes in a piggy bank. Now they only occupied space and filled his cupboard. A trophy. A sign of his achievement. Each a waking reminder of his state. Each polished surface, a mockery of his failure.

He couldn’t endure it— the humiliation, the wretchedness.Why is it always me? Why do I get the worst of it all? Even this darn dog gets better treatment than I do. Cindy lavishes all her love on that mutt, leaving me with only scraps of care—whatever she has left over. He too longed for tenderness, for coddling, but Cindy’s priorities lay elsewhere—everywhere, it seemed, except with Marcus. His world spun around him as his dizzy eyes surrendered and collapsed into a vast sea of dreamlike oblivion.

“You’re so dangerous! So powerful!” shrilled a beauty with excitement in a flirtatious voice. “Master Marcus, anything you want us to do?”

#

He jolted awake at the sudden cry of the beauty near him. What is this? Where am I?

“What shall we do today, my hero?” cooed another beauty. “Count the mountains of NUTS, my lord?”

Is it a dream? He wouldn’t mind having a harem of beauties at his beck and call, would he? His gaze drifted towards his wife, who was in the kitchen obediently cooking for him—his favorite mac 'n' cheese. Sweat trickled down his forehead—visibly worried about his wife’s reaction. What if his wife snaps at him again? Is it a dream? Glug, he swallowed his saliva—a hard one—and even beckoned his wife. Surprisingly, she was obedient as a good, tame housewife.

His wife came with a tray of mac ‘n’ cheese. “Honey, do you need anything? Let me massage your leg. You must be tired from all the work.”

“Your love is all I could ever ask for, and that’s more than I deserve. I don’t need no bag.”

What more could he ask? An obedient wife and a bevy of beauties throwing themselves at his feet.
The TV hummed in the background in an unintelligible voice. The anchor, beaming with enthusiasm, announced, “A new day, zzzzz... chapter zzzzz in our eco... my. “ The crackling voice from the TV grew clearer as he nudged the ridge of his nose. “We’ve reached unprecedented heights of economic growth. Millennials are soaring to new heights in the stock market like no other generation. President Dogood has proven himself a man of his word. He’s a messiah. I must say. He is carrying you and I’s yoke. Don’t you think? The stock market is skyrocketing, with no signs of slowing down.” In a flirtatious manner, the man on the TV winked and added, “Surely, our boomer generation must feel immense pride in this remarkable progress.”
The Afghan hound—that money-sucking furball now—had turned into a fancy butler. With a posh British accent, the hound served him a glass of 200-year-old aged wine. “Sire, your crypto wallet earned another billion dollars. Your investment has gone through the roof. Congratulations, sir!”

#

“Are you freaking kidding me?” Cindy thundered. “I look away for one minute, and you’re already on your ass?”
A sharp, complaining voice shattered his dream. His harem—poof—into thin air. It must be his wife, he thought groggily.
“Our baby needs his hair trimmed, Marcus! We can’t have him looking scruffy, can we?”
Her mouth wouldn’t stop moving, her words grating on his ears.

His eyes shifted to the table by the bedside, his collected figurines of waifus inexplicably resembling beauties in his dream.

With a sigh of resignation, Marcus got up, clipped the leash onto his "baby," and took it to the salon.

heady nova
late fjord
#

that's what I have to say, for now

heady nova
hasty shell
heady nova
hasty shell
#

Ok cool!

heady nova
# hasty shell Ok cool!

it is still semantically not good in some places so i think it needs proofreading and also any other suggestion is welcome ofc.

hasty shell
#

Ok noted, I'll read it now

hasty shell
# heady nova It is particularly a long story. And again, I'm all ears for criticism.“Where do...

I feel like this text, especially in dialogue, is quite colloquial. You don't have to be perfectly grammatical in fiction if you're creating effect. For instance, using 'gonna' & 'boutta' instead of 'going to' & 'about to' adds to that atmosphere you want to create.

--

'With a hint of urgency and disdain on his face, he casually flicked his wrist'... This is good, but I don't think these two separate ideas should be side-by-side. It's as if you're juxtaposing two separate ideas that don't create an idealistic effect.

--

'his eyes roaming the surroundings'... this doesn't really flow. Perhaps, "his eyes wandering"? Don't be afraid to mention what he's looking at too; more stimulation for the reader to keep them engaged.

--

'disappointment evident'... again, unnatural. I personally prefer "evidently disappointed"

--

"'Anything you'd like to ask before we wrap it up'" - Instead of 'it', use 'this' or 'things'.

--

You tend to use a lottt of good adjectives, but what would elevate your writing is if you inferred the thoughts of those characters a bit more. e.g.

  • "That depends on our client. If they approve, we'll contact you with the details. Thank you for your time!” answered the interviewer with an obviously contrived smile -- a smile that screams aloud 'you won't be receiving another call'...

--

"After all, he was the one who had held him at his lowest." (not "in his lowest")

--

Don't confuse would & will, you can often use them interchangeably but sometimes one works better than the other. You kinda develop this recognition as you go along.

--

"Vitriol filled his mind" - Good vocab but it's not superrrr engaging. Alternatively, you could say "a fire of vitriol began to rage in my mind"

--

This is only half of it, but from what i've read, your writing is super impressive! A lot of my suggestions come down to my personal preference. If you have any specific questions please let me know.

heady nova
hasty shell
#

Of course, no worries. Don't feel obligated to go off my feedback because a lot of it comes down to your writing style; make sure to get some more opinions!

heady nova
soft sapphireBOT
#

dynoSuccess riyad.akanda was banned.

queen wedge
#

Uhm oop

ionic jetty
#

wow

floral pine
#

For those looking for a reliable tutor, I recommend this one

velvet agate
#

Hi! Good evening to all. What's this section all about?

heady nova
#

Hi everyone. I recently wrote, edited with the suggestions I got and finished a story. I'm open to all kinds of critics and improvements. the story: "Where do I see myself in 5 years?" Beads of sweat broke out on his forehead as he fiddled with the pen in his hand. "Um, uh... I do find myself doing something in the future. Let's say..." He found it hard to squeeze another word from his mouth. His throat felt dry. His lips were parched. A nervous twitch crossed his face, as clear as day, betraying his calm and collected composure.

Dark goggles. Jet-black jacket. Gold chain—it shone bright like his future. The latest Rolex watch? Shoot it from the hip—high probability, he already had it.

"Mark! Over here!" His friend waved at him. "Didn't expect you here. How's it going, bud?"

"Ah, hey there!" Marcus waved in response. "I'm good. Didn't expect to bump into you either, Jimmy."

His friend James: white wife-beater, cigarette in hand. White rim stained with black nicotine—pungent smell. His short stature with a bulging belly—almost comical.

"It's hard to see you around," he stroked his beard. "Heard you moved to the east side?"

"Yeah," Marcus forced a smile, "Cindy and I moved in together there."

"Man, you hear about Jack? He had it good. He invested in NUTS, and now he's made 10 times his money. Who knew that a handful of NUTS could be this profitable?" He blew out a puff. "That darn dog is going to rub it in our faces now that he's riding on his high horse."

"He's talking big bucks now, eh? Thinks he's gonna go places with that money? Shoot, it ain't even 50,000 bucks he's talking about," snickered Marcus, his eyes already window shopping the boutiques around him. His gaze paused on a gift shop. A gift. His girlfriend. He remembered she was waiting outside The Savoy Hotel.

#

He had just purchased a leather-finished Louis Vuitton bag with gold hardware and crocodile-skin inlays for his girlfriend. His girl was going to love him even more—no doubt. She'd be on cloud nine. A slight grin spread across his face as he imagined it.

"Let him ride the high horse. He's gonna fall sharply in no time." No time for trifles. Have to go. With a hint of urgency and disdain on his face, he flicked his wrist—a shiny Rolex telling him it was time to go. "Let's catch up another day! Have to run—"

"But we just met." James cut in, evidently disappointed. "You must be busy these days, huh?" James could tell he was a bother. "Let's catch up another day, will ya?" he added to save face. The words fell on a bottomless pond, he knew.

Marcus nodded. "Alright, alright." He strutted forward, taking no heed of James.

"Thank you for your time." A disembodied voice pulled him to the present. The interviewer seemed to scribble something on a paper before gazing at him. "We'll let you know if we need anything. Anything you'd like to ask before we wrap things up?"

"Er... When might I hear back about the offer?" asked Marcus.

"That depends on our client. If they approve, we'll contact you with the details. Thank you for your time!" answered the interviewer with a contrived smile.No luck. I'm not getting this job, am I?

"Thank you for the opportunity!" Marcus forced out a smile. He left the building more worried than when he had entered it. I ruined it! You had one chance, and you threw it down the drain. The vast and indifferent crowd passed around him. In the crowd of people, he could feel a glaring loneliness—the loneliness that yearned to be filled, loved, pitied, and cared for. Who would've thought a swipe of a card couldn't buy these?

#

As the endless ramble of construction, horns, and street hawkers continued, he wandered aimlessly, not knowing where his steps would lead. His feet had brought him to a park. The wet grass smelled like home. His nose tingled. The scent tickled his brain. The drizzle fell softly on his face, eyebrows, nose, and hands. He pondered the calmness of it all.

His mind wandered to a distant memory, a simpler time when he was still a small-town boy. The simplicity of life didn't and couldn't fulfill him. He was born to soar to the sky. The naivety of life there and frugality were not for him.

Now he was here, not soaring but barely surviving the loss he bore. He thought he could recover from the financial loss. One shot at a chance of wealth, the life of freedom, the life a commoner could only dream of. One chance at life, he thought. He still couldn't swallow the betrayal. He had trusted James. After all, he was the one with whom he could relate.

"Believe me, your investment would double in no time," James had insisted. Another day. Another month. Another year. But the day didn't come. The investment in NUTS didn't yield at the end of the day. He lurked at the door of his friend, but his friend showed no sign of living there, as if he had vanished into thin air. He had left. Marcus could only do so much to catch him. He could punch a hole through his mouth if he had one chance to see James again. All-consuming vitriol flooded his mind. He had never imagined himself capable of such cruelty.

#

His eyes fell on a family having a picnic. Cindy... Her name stirred something in him. Love? Was it? He didn't know what had led him to be enamored by Cindy. Love? Did he see Cindy as a trophy, unattainable? Love... really? What had charmed him? Her sweet voice? No. Her voice was like chalk screeching on a board. He tried to find an answer. Her care? He'd only seen her care for her "baby." He wondered, yet he couldn't answer with certainty. He was left puzzled, wondering what had happened, and concluded that he didn't know what love was.

Promises and lies. Prosperity and stagnation. Happiness and despair. His life resembled the latter in each pair.

"—did you? I can't believe you," a familiar voice said. Cindy? "Mmm. It's been like forever, duh." Walking past the fence, he could already hear Cindy talking to someone on the phone. Maybe her dad. Or her mom probably. A stranger perhaps. A new lover? Is she too going to leave me? He couldn't tell if what he heard was real or if his mind was playing tricks on him. The love he asked of her wasn't getting any cheaper and showed no sign of becoming affordable anytime soon. He had already forgotten how to discern reality from his constant imagination. His imaginations had amalgamated with the life he lived. Fear and weariness were his constant companions. Saggy and lifeless eyes that could suck the life out of a living soul.

He didn't say anything to Cindy as he didn't know what he would do if he saw her. Cindy didn't notice him either, as she was busy making merry with someone on the other end of the phone. "Is that so? Like, I'm so jealous of you right now, girl. I wish I had those Louboutins too." Cindy talked boisterously as if to make sure her complaint was heard loud and clear. "Of course, because your husband loves you so." Cindy doodled with her hands. "Ah. He's a jobless bum. Nothing but a headache. He couldn't afford them, even if he wished—not for the price of his soul."

#

His wife, Cindy, he remembered, was a woman of class and fine taste. Wines under $1,000 left a bitter and bland taste in her mouth. She was finicky about what she wore each day. The Gucci she held the day before? Too old. She scrutinized her wardrobe each day meticulously. She only chose the finest. She had heard from her friend that FILTH was going to blow up. So, she had convinced him to invest all his money in it. She wouldn't shut up. She wouldn't drink her daily sip of top-shelf whisky and even avoided the caviar-and-truffle diets she followed religiously. She was getting pitiful. Her muffled cries near his ear every night. He couldn't win.

He invested his lifetime earnings in FILTH. They expected it would make them filthy rich, not leave them in filth. The stock came crashing down, and their investment didn't amount to much more than a few thousand bucks.

Cindy had grown paranoid, more belligerent. She wouldn't eat, drink, or do anything. Later, she found company in a rich lady, Sandy, whom she had become acquainted with in the salon. Before, they—he and his wife, Cindy—used to huddle together to comfort each other in their misery like hibernating bears curled up in a den. But now, when they weren't at each other's throats, Cindy spent most of her time spilling tea with Sandy to fill the void.

Marcus, as for him, was still adamant. He even invested the remaining few bucks they had in NUTS, a crypto James said was like no other. But the disappearance of James was the final nail in the coffin.

#

Together they had decided to become a mom and dad—to an Afghan hound. The Afghan hound almost strikingly resembled his beloved wife. Both were expensive and drained his wallet. The Afghan hound bit his wallet every time it got the chance. But his wife was the one who had bored an unrecoverable hole there. He had given up his bike to buy the Afghan hound. He missed his bike. But at least he got to go for servicing every month—not for the bike but for the Afghan hound. It grew more hair every month—more than what he was losing each time he looked at the receding hairline in the mirror.

He had his room to himself, as Cindy, for some reason, couldn't sleep with him. It had been half a year already since they started sleeping separately. The room was like his soul: sad and filthy. Laundry piled up and festered in a corner beside the door. How long had it been there? Maybe a week, two weeks, or a month. How many days? He had lost count.

The cigarette butts were scattered on the table. The miasma of nicotine mixed with the stench of his sweat hung in the air—an insufferable odor. White curtains, now turned beige due to constant smoke, hung on the window. He dragged himself to the bed—chewed-on pillows and a stained bedsheet. Should change the cover... maybe not... who cares.

He collapsed onto his bed and rolled over. The participation trophy glistened, as good as new. Memories teased the corners of his mind, a time when awards were hoarded like dimes in a piggy bank. Now they only occupied space and filled his cupboard. A trophy. A sign of his achievement. Each a waking reminder of his state. Each polished surface, a mockery of his failure.

#

He couldn’t endure it—the humiliation, the wretchedness.Why is it always me? Why do I get the worst of it all? Even this darn dog gets better treatment than I do. Cindy lavishes all her love on that mutt, leaving me with only scraps of care—whatever she has left over. He too longed for tenderness, for coddling, but Cindy’s priorities lay elsewhere—everywhere, it seemed, except with Marcus. His world spun around him as his dizzy eyes surrendered and collapsed into a vast sea of dreamlike oblivion.

“You’re so dangerous! So powerful!” shrilled a beauty with excitement in a flirtatious voice. “Master Marcus, anything you want us to do?”

He jolted awake at the sudden cry of the beauty near him. What is this? Where am I? “What shall we do today, my hero?” cooed another beauty. “Count the mountains of NUTS, my lord?”

Is it a dream? He wouldn’t mind having a harem of beauties at his beck and call, would he? His gaze drifted towards his wife, who was in the kitchen obediently cooking for him—his favorite mac 'n' cheese. Sweat trickled down his forehead—visibly worried about his wife’s reaction. What if his wife snaps at him again? Is it a dream? Glug, he swallowed his saliva—a hard one—and even beckoned his wife anxiously. Surprisingly, she was obedient as a good, tame housewife. His wife came with a tray of mac ‘n’ cheese. “Honey, do you need anything? Let me massage your leg. You must be tired from all the work.”

“Your love is all I could ever ask for, and that’s more than I deserve. I don’t need any shoes.” What more could he ask for? An obedient wife and a bevy of beauties throwing themselves at his feet.

The Afghan hound—that money-sucking fur-ball now—had turned into a fancy butler. With a posh British accent, the hound served him a glass of 200-year-old aged wine. “Sir, your crypto wallet earned another billion dollars. Your investment has gone through the roof. Congratulations, sir!”

#

The TV hummed in the background in an unintelligible voice. The anchor, beaming with enthusiasm, announced, “A new day, zzzzz... chapter zzzzz in our eco... my. “ The crackling voice from the TV grew clearer as he nudged the ridge of his nose. “We’ve reached unprecedented heights of economic growth. Millennials are soaring to new heights in the stock market like no other generation. President Dogood has proven himself a man of his word. He’s a messiah. I must say. He is carrying you and I’s yoke. Don’t you think? The stock market is skyrocketing, with no signs of slowing down.” In a flirtatious manner, the man on the TV winked and added, “Surely, our boomer generation must feel immense pride in this remarkable progress.”

Cindy whispered, “….” What? She glided toward him with an angelic smile, closer to his ear. “Are You Freaking Kidding me?” Cindy thundered—each word laced with cruel precision. “I look away for one second, and you’re already on your ass?” A sharp, complaining voice obliterated his dream. His harem—poof—into thin air. It must be his wife; he woke groggily. Wanton atrocities of reality struck him before he could recollect what had happened to him.

“Our baby needs his hair trimmed, Marcus! We can’t have him looking scruffy, can we?” Her mouth wouldn’t stop moving, her words grating on his already fried nerve. “Marcus! Are you listening? Gosh, you’re so …”

His eyes shifted to the table by the bedside, his collected figurines of waifus inexplicably resembling beauties he dreamt of in his castle on a cloud.

He couldn’t stand the rambling. With a sigh of resignation, Marcus got up, clipped the leash onto his "baby," and took it to the salon.

dusky sierra
#

Hey everyone!

I'm currently working on the beginning of what I hope will prevent the spread of faking mental disorders and physical conditions among typically Gen Z and future generations. I've personally lost family to mental illness, and I've lost my best friend to cancer, and to see people I know faking this is heart wrenching.

I'm open to any suggestions you may have with what I'm about to put out, and please feel free to contact me if you have any questions or would like to share your personal experience with people who fain these issues or have any valuable insights I should know.

Thank you so much!

#

Growing up today is difficult, especially due to the way society has been shaped. With the introduction of social media, many people want both attention and fame. Many people my age in my life take pride in faking serious health conditions, both physically and mentally.
Throughout the past few years, since the dawn of COVID-19, many people have been labeled as "Chronically Online." Due to the pandemic, many have been left to turn to social media for comfort. The problem is that with this, you want more attention than you can have; you want to be cool, you want to be famous; you want it all. It's in human nature to want attention and to build reliability and trust with other people. The unfortunate result is that many people fake mental illness and physical conditions to get more attention.
Throughout my upbringing, I've been known to be considerate and a good listener, I've been taught to be polite and considerate of other's feelings and problems, however, the ultimate problem is that those who fain having these issues will feel close to me and talk things out with me. As of right now, I'm 15 years of age in high school, and I've witnessed this happening firsthand many times.
What am I going to gain through writing and exploiting my so-called friends, you may be asking? The simple answer is to give more attention and coverage to the matter from a first-person viewpoint. I'm a minor, 15 years of age, who knows these people personally; I'm not a random writer who is just showing you data, I am giving you first-hand accounts of what's happening. I hope with this I have enough impact to prevent more people from faking these disorders and conditions. I, alongside many others, have been either personally affected by these problems or know a genuine sufferer. It's beyond tiring to see people fake these issues so poorly that they are causing discrimination for those who genuinely have it.

#

Let's start by discussing mental illness in more detail.
Mental illness refers to a health condition that affects a person's emotions, thoughts, and behaviors. These conditions can be triggered by various factors, including traumatic experiences, environmental influences, and genetic predispositions, and sometimes, the exact cause may remain unknown.
Many people struggle with mental illness, but the number of reported cases is often higher than the actual number of those affected. More than half of the statistics you hear are faulty. As a result, many people think it is more common than it is.

For example, let's use Dissociative Identity Disorder.

Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) is known as a personality disorder where someone has two or more very distinct personalities. Commonly, these personalities will have different names, separate memories, different personal connections, and mindsets, even as far as completely different voices. 
The symptoms involve gaps in memory and blackouts. 
The Google rundown claims it is commonly misdiagnosed and is currently sitting at a 1.5% diagnosis rate worldwide. A genuine diagnosis is even more unlikely than a schizophrenia diagnosis, which sits at approximately 0.33% worldwide. This means that over 80% of people who "have DID" don't actually have DID. It is commonly misdiagnosed due to the failure of having multiple studies done and misconceptions about the condition.
It has been considered to be one of the hardest disorders to come to terms with.

"I want somebody to love, and I want somebody to love me. And nobody ever will. And that's why it hurts. Because it makes a difference."
-Sybil

somber current
# dusky sierra Let's start by discussing mental illness in more detail. Mental illness ref...

Hi, this is actually an interest of mine as well (mental health disorders, self-diagnosis/faking, etc.)

Have you ever taken an in-depth psych class? I have, and I just want to run over some things here with you (in a non-condescending way, hopefully).

The only real issues I see are with the last part.

Point 1: “The Google rundown claims it is commonly misdiagnosed”

Best to define what you mean by misdiagnosed here. Misdiagnosed as in they’re diagnosed with DID but actually don’t have it, or diagnosed with another disorder but actually have DID?

I am not sure about evidence for the first point - at least from the anecdotal experience I hear, it is incredibly rare get a DID diagnosis, and it is typically used as a last resort.

There is much more support for the second claim, however.

The APA (American Psychiatric Association)

Are people with dissociative identity disorder often misdiagnosed?

Yes. They are sometimes misdiagnosed as having schizophrenia, because their belief that they have different identities could be interpreted as a delusion. Another common misdiagnosis is borderline personality disorder. People with dissociative identity disorder frequently also have depression.

You seem to be suggesting that people are wrongly diagnosed with DID frequently, however, the reverse is true (DID is underdiagnosed due to individuals receiving a misdiagnosis of other disorders).

somber current
# dusky sierra Let's start by discussing mental illness in more detail. Mental illness ref...

Point 2: “A genuine diagnosis is even more unlikely than a schizophrenia diagnosis”

What is your source that proves that the current diagnoses being given out by professionals are incorrect?

Point 3: This means that over 80% of people who “have DID” don’t actually have DID.

Again, this needs a source.

P4: “It is commonly misdiagnosed due to the failure of having multiple studies done and misconceptions about the condition”

Are you saying that professionals are misdiagnosing people? Your essay seems to turn in an entirely different direction from where it started. The topic of people faking disorders, versus professionals misdiagnosing disorders are two entirely different things.

upbeat barn
# dusky sierra Hey everyone! I'm currently working on the beginning of what I hope will preven...

It's impressive for a 15 year old non-native speaker. I can't see any obvious mistakes. people may have issue with the actual subject of your writing (how prevalent is "faking" disorders, can you prove this with actual meaningful data, etc) but the actual english is fine. it also depends on what purpose you are writing this for, is it an essay for school or a more personal piece of writing? if it is for academic purposes there are a lot of changes i would make, but as a personal piece of writing it is fine

somber current
somber current
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Please don’t take my criticisms as personal. I’m very passionate about the topic matter as well and I just want to make sure your writing is as best as it can be.

dusky sierra
# somber current Hi, this is actually an interest of mine as well (mental health disorders, self-...

I mean misdiagnosed as in they’re believed to have it. Due to people failing to get retested, they don’t have a conclusive answer.
I do know DID is commonly confused with BPD and other things, however, I’m specifically speaking about the people who fake it within the younger generation.
My great aunt who was both schizophrenic and had a personality disorder was thought to have DID but didn’t have it after retrial.
DID has been labeled rarer than schizophrenia, which worldwide affects 1/300 people (0.33%) according to PSU.edu.
There’s unfortunately a lot of people faking these disorders and just claim to have it, so I’m not sure where exactly I can pull numbers from. My country (USA) has a huge faking disorders problem, and a lot of the numbers go along with that. I will be checking up with my numbers though and pull from multiple sources and average them there after.

dusky sierra
dusky sierra
dusky sierra
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Realistically, what I’m trying to do later on is talk to psychologists from around the world and ask them for their viewpoint as well as their input on the information that I’ve pulled from other sources. I would love to hear more insight for you on this subject, and anything does help a lot. Thank you

somber current
# dusky sierra I mean misdiagnosed as in they’re believed to have it. Due to people failing to ...

Why do you think that DID is misdiagnosed (it can’t be the 1.5% reported figure), but you take the schizophrenia statistics to be probable (0.33%)?

If you think DID is being misdiagnosed, why trust the schizophrenia public statistics as well?

I don’t think there is anywhere that says DID is rarer than schizophrenia.

Both are also rare, with schizophrenia affecting 1 in every 300 people worldwide and DID affecting 1.5% of the population.

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/dissociative-identity-disorder-and-schizophrenia

(sources linked in article)

I just think it’s a strange thing to trust one set of public stats, and not another.

IMO I think it would be good to stay on the topic of “people faking disorders” rather than “clinicians misdiagnosing disorders”. I feel that the two are very conflated in your writing when they shouldn’t be.

I agree that it’s really find to hard stats for the amount of people faking disorders, as it’s not really a studied thing.

Schizophrenia vs. dissociative identity disorder

Schizophrenia and dissociative identity disorder (DID) have overlapping symptoms, but they are different conditions. Common symptoms include delusions, though DID delusions involve having multiple identities.

somber current
# dusky sierra It’s a matter of saying that there are occasionally errors within this broad spe...

You can’t diagnose any complex (complex here meaning not depression or anxiety which have a lower threshold of evidence required for diagnosis) mental health disorder without multiple tests.

I’ve never heard of that happening where someone has taken one test and been given a diagnosis of a complex disorder. Maybe it used to happen, but it generally doesn’t in countries with good medical care nowadays.

I’d recommend looking up the diagnostic process for many disorders and all the different tests involved. Personality disorders, ADHD, Autism, DID, etc - you can’t be diagnosed with any by one (or even two) tests. It’s also not just self-report questionnaires that are used. The clinician might need an interview with someone who knows you i.e. family member or partner, they might call you in for an observation and they can also use childhood records.

I’m familiar with the Autism diagnostic process as I went through it (and received a clinical diagnosis), there are huge amounts of tests, observations, records and paperwork that need to be completed, and you can’t diagnose it in a day or two.

Retest typically isn’t needed in psych for permanent disorders (manageable but not curable), which DID is. If the eval has been completed to a sufficient standard the first time, there’s typically no need to retest for the same disorder as it should be correct (if adhering to the correct threshold of evidence and DSM or ICD diagnostic criteria).

If you’re diagnosed with a physical health problem, you generally don’t get tested for it again if the evidence is clear enough. Same here.

Retest is generally only needed for things like Personality Disorders, anxiety, depression, anorexia, etc. where there would be value in seeing whether the disorder has been treated by interventions.

Apologies for the long text, just have a lot to say about all of it. 🙏

somber current
dusky sierra
dusky sierra
random thorn
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hey guys, im trying to write a proposal, im an english major, im studying english teaching and im kinda stuck with my subject, if you can help me please add me or dm me thank you

somber current
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What a horrible attitude to constructive criticism. I hope that whatever is bothering you in life that causes you to lash out online is resolved.

Peace ✌️ no hard feelings, just no need to react that way to people providing constructive criticism on work that isn’t even yours

upbeat barn
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🤔

dusky sierra
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Yeah, that’s actually part of my point. The numbers you see are from self diagnosers or people who get tested once. I definitely agree with you on that 🫶

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Thank you 💕💕💕
I’ll keep you updated and thank you for your input!

heady nova
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💀

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Bismmillah

wind chasm
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She deleted it

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The groundbreaking information.

queen wedge
heady nova
merry root
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Who can retype some image into PDF file for our company a person who is an expert in retyping/translator

dusky sierra
queen wedge
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I have finals & stuff atm so I’ve been super busy for the last few weeks

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I would love to read it still and give feedback

heady nova
# queen wedge Hi!

Hi! I completely understand. Best of luck with your exams! I really appreciate your willingness to help

summer bear
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Who tf pinged me

upbeat barn
lapis bolt
summer bear
blazing badger
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it's about blackbeard, we need to talk about legends/myths/tales about the sea

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Blackbeard was born around one thousand six hundred and forty (1680) in probably Bristol and he name was maybe Edward Thatch or Teach but they have many declinations like you can see at the board. And this name is probably fake because when you became a pirate you used a pseudonym. Apart from that his childhood is unknown.

In one thousand seven hundred (1700) the king of Spain, Charles II, died without a descendant. So all the European monarchies, like the French, England and Spain, wanted the throne. England ,like the other monarchies, engaged privateers, it’s like pirates but with the authorisation of the monarchy, by this privateer there was Edward Thatch. But in one thousand seven hundred thirteen (1713) with the treaty of Utrecht the replacement war was ended. England abandoned their privateers so a lot of them became pirates like Edward Thatch.

He arrived at Nassau, the capital of the pirates, in New providence. He met Benjamin Hornigold, an already known pirate, who engaged him in second in command. Togethers they seized a French slave ship :” La Concorde” and Thatch was made captain. He renamed the ship “ Queen Anne’s Revenge”. This ship had forty (40) canons so he was one of the bigger pirate ships and he didn’t have a classic pirate flag with the skull :”the jolly rogers”, he had a flag with the devil who holding in one hand a spear which pierces a heart, and in the other, depending on the version, an hourglass to signify the passage of time or a glass to toast with the devil.

At this peak blackbeard made great action like in the may one thousand seven hundred eighteen (1718) his flotilla blockaded the port of Charles Town in the Province of South Carolina because his fleet required medical supplies. After this action too many, he washed up on the beach nearby the north carolina

In June one thousand seven hundred eighteen (1718) he received her pardon from Governor of North Carolina, Charles Eden.

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But in August he went back to work with a small crew. This news was quickly spread and Alexander Spotswood the governor of Virginia wanted to remove pirates. So he engaged Robert Maynard to track and kill Blackbeard. Robert and his crew found and fought Blackbeard until his death. On his body we can count 5 shoots of bullets and about thirty sword blows.

Blackbeard is also one of the most famous pirates because he is in actual movies like pirates of the caribbean and video games like assassin's creed black flag.

vestal hemlock
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First I will give several comments/suggestions, then I will paste the sentences with my suggested revisions:

1680 is "one thousand six hundred eighty", not forty. However, when we say years before the year 2000 out loud, we shorten the first two digits and read it as a "teen":
1680 = Sixteen-eighty
1710 = Seventeen-ten
However, 1700 is read as Seventeen-hundred.
Only use this shortened form if your teacher accepts it. If your teacher wants you to say the year in its long form ("one thousand six hundred eighty"), do say it that way.

When we say a year, we often say "the year" before it! This makes it very clear that we are talking about a year, and not some other quantity. So "Blackbeard was born around the year 1680".

You have used the word "maybe" correctly, but in a formal speech, we try to avoid saying "maybe". It sounds casual and not confident! Instead, when talking about historic facts we are uncertain about we use words like "may have been", "was possibly", and "most likely".

"Declinations" has been used incorrectly. I am not sure what you mean, to be honest! But if you mean he may have had other names, you can say "...but there have been many other recorded names."

My suggested revised sentence: *Blackbeard was born around one thousand six hundred and forty (1680), probably in the city of Bristol. His name may have been Edward Thatch or Edward Teach, but there have been many other recorded names, you can see on the board. And this name is most likely fake, because when a person became a pirate they often used a pseudonym. Apart from that his childhood is unknown. *

blazing badger
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thank you

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and for "declinations" you understand what i wanted say

vestal hemlock
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When listing the European monarchies, you must keep the way you refer to the countries consistent. You can either say "...like the French, English, and Spanish" or you can say "...like France, England, and Spain". See how I have not mixed any of the group -ch/-ish forms and the country name forms.

When you want to define a new word, like "privateers", instead of saying "it's like" (which is too casual for a speech), you can say "which is/which are similar to", or you can start a new sentence:
"...engaged privateers, which are similar to pirates, but with the authorization of the monarchy"
"...engaged privateers. Privateers are like pirates, but with the authorization of the monarchy"

Instead of "by this privateer", say "among these privateers". The word "among" explains that the subject (Edward Thatch) was part of the larger group (the privateers).

"the replacement war" since you did not mention that the war between France, England, and Spain was called the replacement war before, I suggest adding a sentence to clarify this.

My suggested revised sentence: In one thousand seven hundred (1700) the king of Spain, Charles II, died without a descendant. So all the European monarchies, like France, England and Spain, wanted the throne. This began a war to find a replacement for the king. England, like the other monarchies, engaged privateers. Privateers are like pirates, but with the authorisation of the monarchy. Among these privateers was Edward Thatch. But in one thousand seven hundred thirteen (1713) with the treaty of Utrecht the replacement war ended. England abandoned their privateers, and many of them became pirates, including Edward Thatch.

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"who engaged him in second in command." should be "who engaged him as second in command." I would personally use the word "employed" instead of "engaged", but "engaged" is ok too!

"Togethers" should be "Together"

"So he was one of the bigger pirate ships " should be "So it was one of the bigger pirate ships

My suggested revised sentence: He arrived at Nassau, the capital of the pirates, in New providence, Bahamas. He met Benjamin Hornigold, an already known pirate, who engaged him as second in command. Together they seized a French slave ship :” La Concorde” and Thatch was made captain. He renamed the ship “ Queen Anne’s Revenge”. This ship had forty (40) canons so it was one of the bigger pirate ships. Thatch didn’t have a classic pirate flag with a skull, called a ”jolly roger”, instead he had a flag with a devil holding a spear in one hand which pierces a heart, and in the other hand, depending on the version, an hourglass to signify the passage of time or a glass to toast with the devil.

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"At this peak" should be "at his peak", since we are talking about his personal accomplishments.

"like in the may" should be "Like in May". When we talk about months, we do not use "the" in front of the month name.

"After this action too many, he washed up on the beach nearby the north carolina" I don't understand what you mean here! I think you need to revise this to explain what happened more.

"he received her pardon" should be "he received his pardon". Do not mix pronouns.

'On his body we can count 5 shoots of bullets and about thirty sword blows. " We do not say "shoots of bullets", instead we say "gunshots" or "bullet wounds". In this case, I suggest "bullet wounds". I would also recommend not using 'we' here, since you and the class are not currently seeing Blackbeard's body! XD You can say "It was reported" to show that somebody who saw his body reported this information in the past.

"Blackbeard is also one of the most famous pirates because he is in actual movies like pirates of the caribbean and video games like assassin's creed black flag."
The order of this sentence makes it sound like Blackbeard is famous because of those movies/video games. However, those movies/games didn't exist when he was alive and accomplishing his great feats. Instead, say "Blackbeard is one of the most well-known pirates today. He has been featured in movies like the Pirates of the Caribbean and in video games like Assassin's Creed Black Flag."

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Overall, the information in your speech was understandable and well-structured. Nice job!

blazing badger
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I love the internet for that, thank you very much

vestal hemlock
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Good luck on your oral exam ☺️

blazing badger
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thanks now my text it's ok juste work on the pronociation

vestal hemlock
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You can do it!!

blazing badger
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if you say

glad charm
outer fjord
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I have a question: If I add made-up words to my story, should I introduce them before the story, or will providing context for inference suffice?

vestal hemlock
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Hi Vampire, it depends on the word! If it is a word that is similar to an existing word, or if it is easy to infer the meaning, then you don't need to define it beforehand. For example, "The antique cup in her hands looked shiny and goblety" -> I can infer that "goblety" comes from the word "goblet", and I can picture a goblet in my mind! No need to define.

But if you have made up a completely alien word like "beguzzlok" and it is supposed to mean "apple", then yes, it's best to define that before the story! 😆

outer fjord
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If there will be a lot of new words, should I display them as:
Glossary for invented words
(word) verb/adj/noun/adv/ (meaning) ?

vestal hemlock
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Yes, I think that is a great idea!

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And actually, I would say "Glossary of invented words". "Of" sounds a bit more natural to me, but "for" is correct too!

outer fjord
vestal hemlock
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Yes! It is just a matter of preference. Sometimes "of" and "for" are 100% interchangeable, and this is one of those cases. (Though I do see 'of' more commonly used in this particular case.)

outer fjord
glad charm
# outer fjord If there will be a lot of new words, should I display them as: **Glossary for i...

I think the meaning of the word should be hinted at in the context of the story though. You shouldn't expect everyone to go rushing to the glossary at every unknown word. So, for example, don't just say

A lithotherio arose and chased us
say something like
A lithotherio arose from the stone, and as it roared, rows of teeth, nay, of speleothems shone, threatening to tear us to shreds on our way down its rocky gullet should we be eaten. Then with a roar which pelted us with stones and sand, it started to chase us.

This is not to say 'use too many words', but rather make the word's implications obvious through the context. I'm describing this very rocky creature, this very stoney thing, and it's scary and monstrous: 'lithotherio means stone monster' should logically follow. Don't directly explain what it is or not give any hints at all and say 'well I have a glossary', try to incorporate it well.

Bonus points if you have an etemology for it. The word I made as an example derives from the Ancient Greek words 'lithos' (stone) and 'thērion' (animal/beast). That way the meaning could be derived by some, and it gives more depth to your world imo. But ngl it's optional, just use whatever sounds English lol

heady nova
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here's a story i wrote recently. Please let me know how you think of it and how I can improve it. I want to gradually improve my writing: A foreboding shadow engulfed the town as dusk fell, while phantom-like mist crept through the darkening streets, claiming the night. The firmament was hued in crimson, like spilled blood staining the fading blue. The blood-red hue imbued the overgrown brambles with a glisten that shone under an otherworldly light, transforming their once-innocent existence. The night was, indeed, playful and reveled in its nefarious notoriety—a time for the damned and the bewitchment, eldritch beings roaming the unexplored nooks and crannies of the town.

The night beckoned them—misbegotten and forsaken. The twisted fae of the night concocted malevolent schemes, their ominous whispers twisting and distorting the sanity of any soul daring to tread in their realm. The unending screeches of tortured souls faintly echoed in the background.

The screams eerily resembled the cries of countless children, men, and women, yet also strikingly mimicked maddening joy and delirium. The very air was thick with a stench that reeked of sickness and rot—a foulness potent enough to drive any soul to madness.

Chains clanked and dragged through the stillness of the harrowing night, stirring fear and awe in the hearts of the denizens. They shivered and cowered in the corners of their homes, holding their breath, afraid that even the slightest sound might attract the unwanted attention of the creatures of the night. “Lo and behold!” the damned creatures whispered to each other, each word a scream of a thousand shrieks, so dissonant it pierced through the very air, wrenching the eardrums. “The time is nigh.”

heady nova
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No one knew whence they came, for the mere thought of crossing the veil of thick, voluminous darkness to peer into the realm of beings not of their own kind was too terrifying to entertain. Some say they came from another world. Others say they dwelled in these lands before mankind, from a time unknown and long forgotten.

heady nova
outer fjord
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But is it not possible for an invented word to not follow any etymology?

glad charm
glad charm
# outer fjord But is it not possible for an invented word to not follow any etymology?

While I don't think it's necessary, I love for my made-up words to have basis in real language. But again, you could 100% just make up something that sounds English and call it a day; you needn't overly concern yourself with it. After all, most will miss this detail. To me it just gives a nice touch to your world but it's not something needed at all. Once I made 'Plenvious' from nothing for a truth-or-dare, without really bothering with etymology, you can always do that

dusky sierra
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Hey y'all!
I'm trying to write a novel and would like some help with my grammar. Let me know of any suggestions you may have!

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Growing up today is difficult, especially due to how society has been shaped. With the introduction of social media, numerous people want both attention and fame. Unfortunately, there are plenty of people my age in my life who take pride in faking serious health conditions, both physically and mentally.  
Since the dawn of COVID-19, a surplus of people has been labeled as "Chronically Online." Due to the pandemic, many have been left to turn to social media for comfort. The problem is that with this, you want more attention than you can have; you want to be cool; you want to be famous; you want it all. It's human nature to want attention and to build reliability and trust with other people. The unfortunate result is that many people fake mental illness and physical conditions to get more attention.  
Throughout my upbringing, I've been known to be considerate and a good listener. I've also been taught to be polite and considerate of others' feelings and problems. However, the ultimate problem is that those who fake these issues will feel close to me and talk things out with me. I'm 15 in high school, and I've seen this happen many times. 
You may be asking, what will I gain through writing and exploiting my so-called friends? The simple answer is to give more attention and coverage to the matter from a first-person viewpoint. I'm a minor, 15 years of age, who knows these people personally; I'm not a random writer who is just showing you data, I am giving you first-hand accounts of what's happening. I hope that with this, I have enough impact to prevent more people from faking these disorders and conditions. I, alongside many others, have been either personally affected by these problems or know a genuine sufferer. It's beyond tiring to see people fake these issues so poorly that they are causing discrimination for those who genuinely have it.

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Let's start by discussing mental illness in more detail.  
Mental illness refers to a health condition that affects a person's emotions, thoughts, and behaviors. These conditions can be triggered by a range of factors, including traumatic experiences, environmental influences, and genetic predispositions, and sometimes, the exact cause may remain unknown.  
Many people struggle with mental illness, but the number of reported cases is often higher than the actual number of those affected. More than half of the statistics you hear are faulty. Consequently, many people think it is more common than it is. 
Things haven’t been all that easy for those with mental disorders throughout history.
During the Middle Ages, mental illness was considered to be a punishment from God essentially and viewed as satanic. Due to this, the mentally handicapped were poorly treated, and those who had family members who had a mental disorder were forced to shun them. Many people who were mentally ill were typically chained to beds, hit, and even in some cases purposely killed. Mental asylums would also be overloaded with people. These people were treated awfully, and it is not easy to truly understand what they had to go through.
Back in those days, they also had procedures done on them that they didn’t agree to. For example, electroshock therapy was believed to help balance things within the body (which initially was thought to cause mental illness).
Skip forward to the mid-50s - there was an increase in care for the mentally ill. While they were still getting electroshock treatment, things began to change for them with the introduction of drugs. You slowly saw an upgrade for these poor people.

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20 years later, the mentally handicapped realized that they had rights, and began to revolt. This still did not change the harsh conditions that they faced, however, it did result in further acceptance.
As many are aware, there was a sudden rise in mental illness from the start of Gen Z, alongside younger millennials. Since the rise of Y2K, there have been innumerable movements and charities going out to those who have mental illness, and those people are finally getting the help they deserve.
With that being said, it is no surprise that your everyday teens had depression to be seen as 'unique and hip' (which brought on the emo era, by the way).
Now, in the mid-2020s, we see more people who have mental health issues, caused by drugs, trauma, or other factors. With this in mind, there’s been a lot more acceptance of mental illness, and people struggling with it have been getting more help.
The concern is the more people educate the public, the more the people feel entitled to having said condition without really having it.

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For example, let's use Dissociative Identity Disorder. 
Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) is known as a personality disorder where somebody has two or more very distinct personalities. Normally, these personalities will have different names, separate memories, different personal connections, and mindsets, even as far as completely different voices.  It is a very esoteric concept that takes a lot of studying to truly understand.
Many different symptoms are associated with DID, and the most commonly used method of diagnosis is the DSM-5 criteria.
The DSM-5 stands for the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition. This handbook is published by the American Psychiatric Association, and the main goal of the book is to address the symptoms of mental illnesses.
DID in the DSM-5 has been broken up into five key symptoms.
Criterion A: The presence of two or more different personalities is apparent, and recognized by distinct changes in behavior, perception, affect, memory, and cognition. In some cultures, it is considered to be possessed by Satan.
Criterion B: Gaps in memory, including daily activities, traumatic events, and important personal information.
Criterion C: The symptoms cause significant stress and impairment in important areas of functioning, such as conversation, human interaction, work performance, and so on.
Criterion D: The disturbance in the mind is not socially or religiously accepted. For example, a child having an imaginary friend cannot explain the reason for their behavior differences.
Criterion E: These symptoms are not related to substance use, such as alcohol and drugs.

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According to the National Institute of Health (NIH), it is typically misdiagnosed, as in wrongly diagnosed as DID, and currently at a 1.5% diagnosis rate worldwide. It is often misdiagnosed due to the failure of having multiple studies done and due to misconceptions about the condition, many self-diagnose. With this in mind, it is apparent that there's a lot of wiggle room with the earlier quota. 
Many people self-diagnose for their gain, such as attention and sympathy. This condition is believed to be one of the harsher mental disorders to live with. It is commonly faked, especially by younger generations. Unfortunately, there have only been increases in numbers due to attention seekers.
A good book on DID is Sybil - Sybil is a nonfiction novel relaying the tale of a girl and her experience with the condition. She grew up in an upper-class family, and initially, her life seemed normal, but slowly, that began to change. No one knows what caused her mental downfall, but her mother was not the best woman and she denied her daughter receiving help for her mental problems. She had sixteen distinct personalities, and it’s about her trying to come to terms that she has a life that she shares with others in her mind. It truly gives insight into how difficult this condition is. It shows how the hope she had in life began to evanescence disconsolately. Slowly, she became jaded in her mind and never fully felt the same ever again.
In the throws of her condition, she states "I want somebody to love, and I want somebody to love me. And nobody ever will. And that's why it hurts. Because it makes a difference."

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It is no surprise that many like to use a fake diagnosis to accumulate sympathy from others, however, it's disheartening. To feel like no one could ever love you for you because there’s more than just one “you” in your body is hard to hear, let alone accept. It astonishes me that so many people will always be lovelorn due to their condition, but it astonishes me more that people throw their morals out the window and fake their condition.
  
Something I would like to point out is that there's no problem with self-diagnosis, however, there is a fine line between fully diagnosing yourself and partially. Partially is to say you might have it, while fully diagnosing yourself is saying you know for a fact that you have it.  
For example, Alex thinks he has depression, and while he hasn't been completely diagnosed he believes he has it and shares that there is a possibility that he could have it, which is partially diagnosing. Anna, however, has fully diagnosed herself with ADHD without getting tested, which requires multiple diagnostics. Alex is in the right, Anna is in the wrong. Even though Anna is convinced she has it, she might not, which can indirectly harm those with mental conditions. 
How is Anna causing harm? Anna is spreading false information on the condition. Many people might look at her and think that if she has it, then they might as well. This evolves into an issue when more individuals think they have the condition. While they could have it, there's a good chance they don't, which further spreads the false information. This causes a Gordian knot.

vestal hemlock
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I’ll refrain from sharing my opinions on the content of your passage. Overall, your grammar is very good.

“Since the rise of Y2K” -> Y2K is a distinct event in time. We do not use “rise of” to talk about events in history, rather, we use it to talk about trends, ideas, or cultural behaviors. So, this sentence should just be “Since Y2K, …”

glad charm
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... a surplus of people has been labeled as ...
I wonder if this should be 'have'? I'm inclined to say so, even though 'surplus' is singular

vestal hemlock
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Yes, Scella is correct. A surplus of people have been labeled as.

glad charm
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I feel it may be that both are correct

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As is the case with '[x] percent of [y] is/are': '20% of the population is gay' and '20% of the population are gay' are both correct

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It also behaves similarly to '[x] percent of [y]', in that with uncountable nouns, singular is the only option: '80% of the water have has gayifying chemicals in it' and 'A surplus of water have has rushed on to the streets'

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I think that in natural speech, we'd be inclined to use the plural because of the proximity of the plural noun to the verb, but formally it probably should be singular

heady nova
#

here's a story i wrote recently. Please let me know how you think of it and how I can improve it. I want to gradually improve my writing: A foreboding shadow engulfed the town as dusk fell, while phantom-like mist crept through the darkening streets, claiming the night. The firmament was hued in crimson, like spilled blood staining the fading blue. The blood-red hue imbued the overgrown brambles with a glisten that shone under an otherworldly light, transforming their once-innocent existence. The night was, indeed, playful and reveled in its nefarious notoriety—a time for the damned and the bewitchment, eldritch beings roaming the unexplored nooks and crannies of the town.

The night beckoned them—misbegotten and forsaken. The twisted fae of the night concocted malevolent schemes, their ominous whispers twisting and distorting the sanity of any soul daring to tread in their realm. The unending screeches of tortured souls faintly echoed in the background.

The screams eerily resembled the cries of countless children, men, and women, yet also strikingly mimicked maddening joy and delirium. The very air was thick with a stench that reeked of sickness and rot—a foulness potent enough to drive any soul to madness.

Chains clanked and dragged through the stillness of the harrowing night, stirring fear and awe in the hearts of the denizens. They shivered and cowered in the corners of their homes, holding their breath, afraid that even the slightest sound might attract the unwanted attention of the creatures of the night. “Lo and behold!” the damned creatures whispered to each other, each word a scream of a thousand shrieks, so dissonant it pierced through the very air, wrenching the eardrums. “The time is nigh.”

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No one knew whence they came, for the mere thought of crossing the veil of thick, voluminous darkness to peer into the realm of beings not of their own kind was too terrifying to entertain. Some say they came from another world. Others say they dwelled in these lands before mankind, from a time unknown and long forgotten.

vestal hemlock
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Hi tudim, very impressive writing! Some comments:

  • claiming the night: I think you may mean "claiming the daylight". The darkness of night takes away the light, in other words, it claims it!
  • firmament: Firmament is not a very common word. I was not familiar with it myself, and I am not sure if it can be used this way. I suggest using "horizon" instead. This is a common word that appears in literature to describe the sky at sunset, and will be better understood.
  • that shone under an otherworldly light: This additional detail doesn't seem necessary to me, and it left me a bit confused on what the "otherworldly light" is! Instead, I suggest shortening the sentence to just " The blood-red hue imbued the overgrown brambles with a glisten that transformed their once-innocent existence.". This is easier to read, and keeps the reader focused on how the red hue of the sky has changed the appearance of the brambles.
  • its nefarious notoriety: I don't understand what you mean by this. I suggest using simpler words here.
  • a time for the damned and the bewitchment: This should be "a time for the damned and the bewitched". Keep the same adjective form.
  • The night beckoned them—misbegotten and forsaken: I don't understand what you mean by "misbegotten and forsaken". Are you talking about the 'them', the eldritch beings? If so, I suggest removing "misbegotten and forsaken" entirely. You have already described them as damned and bewitched, which is enough detail.
  • The unending screeches of tortured souls faintly echoed in the background: Suggest removing "faintly". It is grammatically correct as-is, but a more powerful image without it!
  • denizens: Denizens is not a common word. I suggest "residents", since you've explained that they are walking through a town (so the people around them are most likely residents)
    No one knew whence they came: No one knew from whence they came
heady nova
glad charm
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I mean, I see people use 'from whence' often, but 'whence' means 'from which/where from'

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Which means 'from whence' shouldn't be correct, even though it's been used for a long time

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I stick to using 'whence' as a replacement for 'from which/where from'

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so yea, that bit didn't have to be corrected. If you'd like to use 'whence they came', @heady nova, that would be correct

heady nova
heady nova
vestal hemlock
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Oh, I see! Thank you. I wasn’t familiar with “bewitchment” being used that way, I am more familiar with “the witching hour”. If bewitchment can be used that way, then it is correct!

heady nova
dusky sierra
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Thank you

queen wedge
# heady nova Hi everyone. I recently wrote, edited with the suggestions I got and finished a ...

Hi!

Thank you for letting me read this. It was a wonderful read, and it's evident that you're a very capable writer. I would only make a few changes; but then again, you should take them with a grain of salt!

In your first paragraph you describe an anxious, almost perturbed, character. Yet you go on to write: “A nervous twitch crossed his face, as clear as day, betraying his calm and collected composure.” I don't think there was a calm and collected composure to begin with, based on your earlier description in that paragraph. Consider changing the earlier description to better juxtapose the last sentence, or, vice versa. You could also include a subtlety after the apprehensive description you provide, like him feeling less anxious, and then lead on to that description of it suddenly being betrayed by the nervous twitch. Lastly, for readability, I'd consider removing “as clear as day.”

I love the change in style in your second paragraph: so acerbic! This is a personal preference, but because your second paragraph sounds almost haughtily incredulous (and because of it's acerbic tone), just write “Rolex” instead of “Rolex watch.” I feel like you should also remove the comma after “high probability.”

Here: “White rim stained with black nicotine—pungent smell. His short stature with a bulging belly—almost comical,” I can see what you're trying to do in terms of style (that sudden, and again, acerbic, interruption by the em dashes), but it doesn't read very well for me, especially the “pungent smell.” For example, I would've written: “White rim stained with black nicotine—pungent smelling. His short stature with a bulging belly—almost comical.”

Okay, I just want to point out your superb use of dialogue! Like...wow! You have a beautiful homogeneous mixture between actions and dialogue.

queen wedge
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The period in this, “...but we just met,” doesn't seem right to me. In your previous paragraph you just had a cutoff, and in the next paragraph the words, “but” and “cut,” consolidate the reader's imagination; i.e., they're expecting a cutoff here too! I would change it to: “But we just met...” or something similar. If you're not changing the punctuation there, then just make sure to change the period into a comma.

I am a bit confused here: “...drizzle fell softly on his face, eyebrows, nose, and hands.” I see why you'd mention the hands and face, but why specify specific parts of the face, like the nose and eyebrows? Is there something significant about them? I find the contrast in that paragraph equally confusing. You begin with a cacophonic description, but later, you describe a short, environmentally euphonic, experience. That's okay, but you go on to say that: “He pondered the calmness of it all.” When I read it, it seems natural, but that ignores your earlier, anathemic description of the environment around him. I believe you need to build a stronger case here by establishing the environmental change more clearly — have the sounds and chaos of the city just vanished? Has he entered his own bubble? Your next paragraph suggests so, just that it wasn't established in the narration yet.

For me, “...naivety and frugality of life were not for him” reads better. For an alliterative effect, I'd also change “soar to the sky” to “soar the sky.” They mean different things, and so it might not work. I'm not sure. I should note that I'd also restructure the paragraph to better compliment your next one. Perhaps this:

His mind wandered to a distant memory, a simpler time when he was still a small-town boy. The simplicity of life didn't and couldn't fulfill him; and the naivety and frugality of life were not for him. He was born to soar to the sky.

You need quotation marks before and after “Cindy”: “"—did you? I can't believe you," a familiar voice said. "Cindy?"”

queen wedge
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In that paragraph I need to mention your use of punctuation...it seems so subtle, but it is great! What a great way to showcase his changing mental state: from curious to paranoiac just through a certain order of periods and question marks. Genius!

“His imaginations had amalgamated with the life he lived.” I love the description, but the past tense makes me wonder: what do you mean by the “life he lived?” Also, this: “Saggy and lifeless eyes that could suck the life out of a living soul” is not a complete sentence. I would also argue it'd be more appealing if it was. Your last four sentences also seem to be an amalgamation themselves of the paranoia the character is going through! That's why I would change the punctuation a little...

He had already forgotten how to discern reality from his constant imagination; his imaginations had amalgamated with his life. Fear and weariness were his constant companions, with saggy and lifeless eyes that could suck the life out of a living soul.

It'd be okay for a lot of people, but knowing that you're such a great writer, I think you can do better than a cliché like, “suck the life out of a living soul.” If you need help coming up with a description here, or elsewhere, I'd love to help! Although, you're so good at figurative language!

Is this thought: “Should change the cover... maybe not... who cares?” I see italics there.

Space after “wretchedness.” This is also confusing me a little, but I just want to point it out: “coddling.” Both “coddling” and “cuddling” work here, obviously, but which one did you mean? As a reader, I immediately thought you meant cuddling based on the sentence, but I'm not sure which one you actually meant..!

This is such a tiny thing & I'm not sure how it happens but some of your quotation marks (double & single) are like, ", and some of them are, ”. It's really not a big deal but you should preferably stick to one or the other.

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Why the capitals in “Are You Freaking Kidding me?” & also no spaces in the ellipsis here: “Gosh, you’re so …”

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It is obvious that you have a gift for writing, and especially writing fiction! Your use of figurative language is beautiful, and you have an imperious and impervious command over literary devices. I don't think I, or frankly anyone, can give much feedback on your figurative language; I feel like if someone tried, it'd just incarnadine your writing, rather than making it better...but who knows! But for one, your authorial choices are so grand. You, omg, ameliorated my imagination, and made it sing; yet, you somehow do that without being vague: you don't adumbrate, equivocate, or prevaricate!

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Like wow...plainly, this is just fantastic style.

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The real feedback I would have comes in the forms of questions.

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Like why?

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What's the point of this story? What message are you trying to deliver? I definitely see themes of love, of materialism, false hope and dreams, and of disillusionment. You express this beautifully with your words. Your words herd emotions. Your sentences shout. Your paragraphs punctuate. But your entire story? I'm not sure. I don't mean to be mean, but I did not find it that profound. There was no word, no sentence, and no paragraph that stood out to me—no idea that stood out. You are such a great writer, but I found your ending rushed, and the story is understandable, but the why behind it is difficult to find? Sure, the obvious themes exist—but they're bland, and they've been done before: over and over and over. This is all my own preference and beliefs, but I think you are fully capable of not only writing descriptively, but consequentially. Your English has, erm, prophet-like power.

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& if youre jst writing for ur own sake

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that's totally okay too

heady nova
# queen wedge What's the *point* of this story? What message are you trying to deliver? I defi...

Thank you for your thoughtful and insightful feedback. Your critique has given me much to reflect on, and I truly appreciate the care you’ve taken in pointing out areas for improvement. You’re absolutely right about the inconsistencies and areas where the narrative could be clearer. I may have gotten carried away with descriptions in some parts, leading to incoherence or contradictions. I’ll work on refining that balance. While I write primarily for myself, your comments have inspired me to think more deeply about the “why” behind my stories. Thank you as well for your kind words about my style. I still have much to work on in developing a unique theme for my story while avoiding clichés. I’ll make the corrections as you pointed out and strive to improve.

queen wedge
amber flicker
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Best of luck on your projects!

heady nova
royal turtle
crystal rover
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Any mod

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Hmm

cursive falcon
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hi

wheat bluff
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hi

glad charm
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hi

golden mesa
cursive falcon
lapis bolt
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-__-

heady nova
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no proofreading? it's been too long.

heady nova
heady nova
blazing badger
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Hi in class we do make this :"For the 4th and last session you will have prepared a letter pretending to be a soldier writing to his family. You will use the informations given by the other groups to make it realistic and accurate when depicting your daily life, your fears and your hopes. Keep in mind that this letter has to make it through censorship, thus you should not give too many details about the ongoing campaign and avoid scaring your family..."

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I have made this but I won't avoid big mistakes :"I received your letter, I hope you're good. Here we are much better off again as regards potatoes and other food stuffs for we have had a great quantity of stores. It's a real war and trust me it's a devil. Today was the first beautiful day we had. The last days we attacked and only God knows how I am still alive. The artillery didn't do his job and many of my friends were killed by the machine gun but we had captured enemy trenches. Fortunately I have John and Mark with who I can play whist. Give my best love to everyone at home, I often think about you all."

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What do you think of my text, thanks for your answer

heady nova
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was it from chat..gpt though?

heady nova
vestal hemlock
# blazing badger I have made this but I won't avoid big mistakes :"I received your letter, I hope...

Hi la hache, I am able to understand this, so nice job! A few comments:

  • "I hope you're good": This is ok to say casually, but in letter writing, we say "I hope you are well."
  • "Here we are much better off again as regards potatoes and other food stuffs for we have had a great quantity of stores.": I suggest breaking this into two sentences:
  • First, "Here we are much better off again" can instead be "We are doing much better here." When we use "here", we often put it at the end of the sentence, or at the beginning using a comma (Here, we are...). In this case though, for writing a letter, putting it at the end sounds more natural. I do think "We are better off again" is ok, but "We are doing much better" sounds more natural to me as an American English speaker! Feel free to keep it as "We are better off again here" if you like that phrase, it will be understood :)
  • Second, we do not use "regards" like you have used it here. "Regards" with the 's' is a special word for well wishes/concern for someone ("I give him my regards"). For this context, we either use "in regard" or "regarding": "In regard to potatoes and other foodstuffs, we have a great quantity of stores." or "Regarding potatoes and other foodstuffs, we have a great quantity of stores."
  • I like how you used the phrase "only God knows". That sounded very natural. Nice job! :)
  • "but we had captured enemy trenches" should be either "but we have captured enemy trenches" or "but we captured enemy trenches".
  • I don't know what you mean by "who I can play whist". Do you mean "who I can play with"? "Who I can play with" would be correct, or "who I can talk to" if you'd prefer to use that instead. ("Play with" is usually used by children who are playing children's games with each other.)
outer fjord
vestal hemlock
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I didn't realize la hache was asking for feedback on the prompt itself. Yes, this "when" should be replaced with "while". There are other mistakes in the prompt, let me know if you need comments on them.

sharp finch
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Essay

small adder
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THERE IS A TREE THAT HAS BEEN CLAIMED TO CURE CANCER COULD IT BE TRUE ? THE NAME IS PAO PERIERA

honest thorn
supple scarab
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🇺🇸 Looking for a Cool American Friend! 🇺🇸

Hey there! I’m [reza] from [iran], and I have a mission—to sound like a true American! 🏆 But textbooks are boring, and I’d rather learn from a real person. So, if you’re a native American English speaker, let’s chat! 😃

I can teach you some cool Persian (Farsi) phrases in return (imagine impressing people with another language!) 🇮🇷 We can talk about anything—movies, music, life, or just random fun stuff. No pressure, just good vibes!

If this sounds fun, hit me up! Let’s turn learning into an adventure. 🚀🔥

slate knot
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Hay

reef canopy
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Hii

heady nova
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How can I be good in writing essays about anything and get at least 18/20?

lethal finch
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you cannot be a writer in a day and one night, you need to practice daily

heady nova
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Finally, if you know how to grow my vocabulary plz tell me and thank you for replying

lethal finch
# heady nova You're right , but how can I practice? Can I share anything I write here? I hav...

Stop relying on AI—that will keep you in the same place. If you want to see improvement, you must start writing your ideas on paper. Write whatever you want without worrying about mistakes, then organize them into a well-structured essay.
Start with an introduction, where you present the ideas you will discuss. For example: 'This essay discuss or talk about...' Then, write your ideas in any order or style you like.
In the body, discuss your ideas in three main points (Body 1, 2, and 3), each developing a key aspect of your topic.
Finally, in the conclusion, summarize your main points and restate your argument in a concise way.

lethal finch
lethal finch
outer fjord
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you don't even need to

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Let alone English, can you even write an essay about anything in your native language?

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You need to have command over the subject you want to write about

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For example, if you want to write an essay about 'the cow', then it will not be very difficult for you

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But if you are asked to write an essay on Charles Dickens' novels (say), what will ya do?

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You will just be killing mosquitoes in the exam hall

outer fjord
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Make diaries to note down the meanings of the unfamiliar words; you have to jot down their both literal and figurative uses

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Frame sentences using the newly learnt words

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if that can't expand one's vocabulary, I wonder what will do the trick

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However, it is up to you ultimately

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you are the one who has to direct yourself
Another effective way to improve vocabulary is to turn the leaves of a printed dictionary over and over. It may seem absurd to you, but it really is effective

heady nova
heady nova
outer fjord
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Even your professor knows that

outer fjord
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then dive into other aspects

heady nova
outer fjord
outer fjord
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But there is not a great deal of difference among these three

heady nova
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Really? I thought it's good for advanced people only lol

outer fjord
outer fjord
heady nova
outer fjord
heady nova
heady nova
glad charm
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idk abt AusE, but AmE and BrE are pretty different

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Americans use the subjunctive more than Brits, 'I am stood' is smth you never say in American,spelling is often different, punctuation conventions, slang

outer fjord
outer fjord
outer fjord
glad charm
outer fjord
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and beguile us into subscribing to their content

glad charm
outer fjord
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And there is no need to analyse the differences for communication

glad charm
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and if you include Ireland in 'British', then the number of differences grows

glad charm
outer fjord
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Like to a BrE speaker NamE does not appear as 'Russian'

glad charm
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I doubt YouTubers are making the two out to be different languages

outer fjord
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Otherwise, they won't be able to learn anything at all

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Oh yea, if you get accustomed to living with the natives of the particular variant, then yes

heady nova
outer fjord
outer fjord
glad charm
glad charm
glad charm
heady nova
glad charm
# heady nova I don't understand this <@754163802659880981>

Even though that [the fact Youtubers are saying what they say to get you to engae with thier content], they are still not fully lying. There really is a lot of differences between American and British English. In fact, there is a whole Wikipedia article about these differences:

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I hope that's simpler

heady nova
glad charm
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Everything I've sent can be understood by both Americans and Brits, there isn't anything aboutthe words I've used that makes them more 'American' or more 'British'

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Some constructions are more British than American though, but that's more a matter of grammar than it is one of vocabulary.

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There are of course minor differences, like Americans saying 'Grade' and Brits saying 'Year', or Americans saying 'Elevator' and Brits saying 'Lift'

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But those are inconsequential enough to where I'd say, if you want to learn British/American, you should focus on grammar and pronunciation, rather than on words

heady nova
glad charm
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The main stuff that will not be understood between Americans and Brits is slang

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So try to make sure the slang you use leans more towards the slang of the speakers of the accent you're emulating

heady nova
split spindle
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My friend started to develop this lower back pain in his early twenties which exacerbated, the more time he spent sitting. He is now 58, and the condition has severely worsened to show a plethora of other symptoms such as a feeling of tightness in his chest(Not to be mistaken with the tightness one feels due to anxiety), feeling anxious all the time, intense fatigue 24/7, eyes are irritated all the time which could be described similar to the irritation that one feels when the eyes are exposed to smoke or oil.
Do you any idea as to what this condition is? All kinds of physical and mental tests were performed only for them to return negative."

Does any of the sentences or word usage above come off as awkward?

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Any help would be greatly appreciated

queen wedge
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My friend started to develop lower back pain in his early twenties, which exacerbated the more time he spent sitting. He is now 58, and the condition has severely worsened to show a plethora of other symptoms, such as a feeling of tightness in his chest (not to be mistaken with the tightness one feels due to anxiety), feeling anxious all the time, intense fatigue 24/7, and irritated eyes, which could be described similarly to the irritation that one feels when the eyes are exposed to smoke or oil.

Do you have any idea as to what this condition is? All kinds of physical and mental tests were performed, only for them to return negative.

split spindle
sand vault
# queen wedge imo this sounds more natural:

Yes, there are a few spots where the wording and sentence structure come off as a bit awkward. Here are some suggestions:

First Sentence:

Original: “My friend started to develop this lower back pain in his early twenties which exacerbated, the more time he spent sitting.”
Issue: The use of "exacerbated" feels a bit off in this context, and the punctuation makes the sentence confusing.
Suggestion: “My friend began experiencing lower back pain in his early twenties, which worsened the more time he spent sitting.”
Second Sentence:

Original: “He is now 58, and the condition has severely worsened to show a plethora of other symptoms such as a feeling of tightness in his chest(Not to be mistaken with the tightness one feels due to anxiety), feeling anxious all the time, intense fatigue 24/7, eyes are irritated all the time which could be described similar to the irritation that one feels when the eyes are exposed to smoke or oil.”
Issues:
The sentence is very long and tries to cover too many ideas at once.
The parenthetical note lacks a space (“chest(Not…”).
The list of symptoms could be structured more clearly.
The description of the eye irritation feels a bit convoluted.
Suggestion:
“He is now 58, and his condition has severely worsened, presenting a range of additional symptoms. These include a tightness in his chest (distinct from the tightness caused by anxiety), constant feelings of anxiety, persistent intense fatigue, and continually irritated eyes—similar to the sensation experienced when exposed to smoke or oil.”
Third Sentence:

Original: “Do you any idea as to what this condition is?”
Issue: Missing the word “have” makes this sentence grammatically incorrect.
Suggestion: “Do you have any idea what this condition might be?”
Fourth Sentence:

Original: “All kinds of physical and mental tests were performed only for them to return negative.”
Issues:
The phrasing “only for them to return negative” sounds awkward.
It can be rephrased to more clearly convey that all tests came back negative.
Suggestion: “A variety of physical and mental tests were performed, all of which returned negative.”
By reworking these sentences, your description will sound clearer and more natural.

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Can someone read this and gimme some tips for improvement, The small curious chick was finding life and new things to him every day was a new adventure and full of discoveries that awaited him eagerly, the small little chick had a chubby strict mom who wouldn't let it play for too long, she would forbid him to return home late and warn him that if he plays too much with the other chicks he would become spoiled and no human would wanna take him to their shelter and provide it with a lavish lifestyle, the chick mom was delusional of the treatment chicks and hens recived by humans as the only chickens she had come across said that they were well fed and taken care of, the humans were treating them unconditionally and like the chickens are their kings, however some chickens do disappears every now and then but guess they just end up inadvertently going out and forgetting the way back, unbeknownst to her the disappearances of chickens were not casual or unintentional, the farms would of course sell the chickens for humans' consumption but the mama chickens deemed the farms as the Harvard of the chickens world to which only the most qualified chickens could go and become even more incredible,

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she wished to send her son to a farm nearby thinking there it will be safe from all predators and be fed for life by the "generous" humans, she would bring the most nutritious worms and other consumables for her chick so it grow big enough to be accepted in the farms and she would even make her son rest excessively so that he doesn't burn more calories than needed and stays chonky, he did grow into a chicken as ginormous as a mountain and it wasn't too long before it was sighted by the humans that found it pretty suitable for their farm thinking it would be adept at making chickens for the farm, the chick although reluctant couldn't resist the humans not the will of his mom so it surrendered and was then taken to the farm with thousands and thousands of other hens that were squished in a small fenced space, seeing the how not spacious the place was and what condition the other hens seemed to be in, the mindset that the chick had about this place being as heavenly as possible was instantly replaced with a mindset of detesting it deeply, chickens seems to have lost their sanity and zombified, clucking hysterically and uncontrollably in the loudest manner they could, the chick was forced to mate with the other insane chickens and soon after it became too old for breeding it was taken out and for a slight moment a subtle feeling of relief hit him with satisfaction of finnally getting out and maybe the humans would let go of it now that it's done its job for them, but no that wasn't the only objective for these relentless, heartless, pitiless humans, they instead of releasing the chicken took it into a suspicious room full of sharp instruments and that has a bloody odor as well, the chickens eyes were abruptly laid onto some pinkish looking doll-like thing

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hanging upside down nearly, upon setting it eyes on it thoroughly it saw with clarity what it was, it was the bodies of chickens, these people kill us ? He thought as he was carried to a piece of wood where it was laid and before he could progress anything, a sudden slash that decapitated its head, caused him excruciating pain which didn't last long like its life, the brightness in front of it seemed to be fading and being replaced by an utter void, it was killed like the many other chickens that made it this far whilst the others remain oblivious to the truth behind this all heavenly treatment by humans, those who tell the situation about the farm are alive perhaps not for too long, but the ones that meet the unfortunate fate and are made beknownst to the tragic slaughtering don't get to tell it to the others.

heady nova
queen wedge
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Can someone rate this : I have encountered a shape-shifting entity but my experience was vague and short-lived so am unsure whether what I witnessed was a hallucination or the sheer truth,
It was when I was near a pond with the rest of my family worshiping the god of sun on occasion of chat puja, several other neighbouring devotees came at the same spot and as my mother gets in the pond to begin the ritual of worshipping, I see a person out of the corner of my eyes who seemed strangely familiar and as I focus my eyes discreetly, I witness something jaw-dropping and inexplicable, the kid seemed to be shifting it's form from whatever kid it was to that of my cousins god knows how in the world he even knew how my cousins looked and everytime he took the interchanged forms he would glower at me with malicious eyes, I was stunned and avoided making eye contact, after changing between the forms of my cousins it returned to its initial form and merged into the girl nearby as though it hugged her and sank into her, it was horrifying and I kept thinking about it for months and still do.

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vestal hemlock
# red badge Can someone rate this : I have encountered a shape-shifting entity but my experi...

Very nice! A few suggestions/corrections:

I have encountered a shape-shifting entity but my experience was vague and short-lived so I am unsure whether if what I witnessed was a hallucination or the sheer truth,
It was ["was" is fine to use, but "happened" is a good verb to use here when telling a story!] when I was near a pond with the rest of my family worshiping the god of sun on the occasion of chat puja,. [End sentence here] Several other neighbouring devotees came ~~at ~~to the same spot and as my mother ~~gets ~~got in the pond to begin the ritual of worshipping, I see saw a person out of the corner of my eyes [The most common way to use this phrase is "Corner of my eye", singular] who seemed strangely familiar and as I focused my eyes discreetly, I witnessed something jaw-dropping and inexplicable, the kid seemed to be shifting it's its form from whatever kid it was to that of my cousins**.** [End sentence here] god knows how in the world he even knew how my cousins looked and everytime he took the interchanged forms he would glower at me with malicious eyes, I was stunned and avoided making eye contact, after changing between the forms of my cousins it returned to its initial form and merged into the girl nearby as though it hugged her and sank into her, it was horrifying and I kept thinking about it for months and still do.

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Try to keep the same verb tense throughout the story. In this case you started with past tense, so keep past tense throughout.

glad charm
# red badge Can someone rate this : I have encountered a shape-shifting entity but my experi...

I'll add some further corrections to that with which Emily has kindly provided you^

I have encountered a shape-shifting entity***,*** but my experience was vague and short-lived***,*** so I am unsure if what I witnessed was a hallucination or the sheer truth***.***
It was when I was near a pond with the rest of my family***,*** worshiping the god of the sun on the occasion of Chat*** Puja.* Several other neighbouring devotees came to the same spot***,*** and***,*** as my mother got in the pond to begin the ritual of worshipping, I saw a person out of the corner of my eye who seemed strangely familiar***,*** and as I focused my eyes discreetly, I witnessed something jaw-dropping and inexplicable***:*** the kid seemed to be shifting its form from whatever kid it was to that of my cousins**.** God knows how in the world he even knew how my cousins looked***.*** Everytime he took the interchanged forms***,*** he would glower at me with malicious eyes***.*** I was stunned and avoided making eye contact***.*** After changing between the forms of my cousins***,*** it returned to its initial form and merged into the girl nearby***,*** as though it hugged her and sank into her***.*** It was horrifying***,*** and I kept thinking about it for months and still do.

Notes:

  1. In this sentence

The kid seemed to be shifting its form from whatever kid it was to that of my cousins.
Using 'that' makes it sound like all your cousins share 1 form. Since you're refering back to 'form' from earlier in the sentence, you're essentially saying:
The kid seemed to be shifting its form from whatever kid it was to the form of my cousins.
So I'd suggest just saying 'the forms' instead of 'that':
The kid seemed to be shifting its form from whatever kid it was to the forms of my cousins.

  1. It's odd tha the narrator keeps changing between 'he' and 'it' while refering to the creature. Where they call it 'the kid' would sound better as 'the person' since it was already refered to as 'a person'. You could also change the first from 'I saw a person' to 'I saw a kid'. If you want to emphasise that it's not actually a person, you could say 'The person, no, the thing/creature'. That is exactly what I'd do since saying 'person' or 'kid' then refering to them as 'it' sounds very odd. 'God knows how he ...' now you've switched from 'it' to 'he' (and then later you went back to 'it'), which sounds very bad. You should stick to the same pronoun. The only form of pronoun switching that I know is sort of accepted is 'one' and 'they' (saying 'one' the first time and then 'they' [or 'he'] thenceafter).
#

With these two notes, I'd make slightly bigger changes, here they are:

I have encountered a shape-shifting entity***,*** but my experience was vague and short-lived***,*** so I am unsure if what I witnessed was a hallucination or the sheer truth***.***
It was when I was near a pond with the rest of my family***,*** worshiping the god of the sun on the occasion of Chat*** Puja.* Several other neighbouring devotees came to the same spot***,*** and***,*** as my mother got in the pond to begin the ritual of worshipping, I saw a kid out of the corner of my eye who seemed strangely familiar,** and as I focused my eyes discreetly, I witnessed something jaw-dropping and inexplicable***:*** the kid, no, the thing seemed to be shifting its form from whatever kid it was to the forms of my cousins**.** God knows how in the world it even knew how my cousins looked***.*** Everytime it took the interchanged forms***,*** it would glower at me with malicious eyes***.*** I was stunned and avoided making eye contact***.*** After changing between the forms of my cousins***,*** it returned to its initial form and merged into the girl nearby***,*** as though it hugged her and sank into her***.*** It was horrifying***,*** and I kept thinking about it for months and still do.

glad charm
queen wedge
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Omg this channel has become dead

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but everything dies eventually

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We all dieeeee

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And go where man dwells in those dreams of death

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That dream of deep despair or of divine desire

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& hence to the hereinafter 💔

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Erm maybe it’ll become active again

glad charm
glad charm
# queen wedge Erm maybe it’ll become active again

My fancies of immortality aside, would you perchance like to lay your eyes upon a writing of mine? I would much appreciate proofrading

'O for an insurrection, to see the equalising flame! O to be seen for the true me, yet not found obscene!' says she, vailed as he, yet lives conforming to the oppressors' regime. 'Why can't we be, as he and she can be? Why must we live in fear of our true identity?' Yet you take no action but within your dreams. It must be made clear, you see, that grandiose speech is nought but. To scream into the void is brave, but to revolt with incensed soul, to take the actions that ought to be taken, that is what shall bring change. Wish not, for the God to whom you pray forsook your kind. You are not holy; slain for want of a change was she who oft dreamed and became lost in reverie. Lest that become reality, ye, do heed.

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How do you feel about that comma before the first 'yet'?

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Might it be wrong?

vestal hemlock
glad charm
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Iss abt transness if thas not evident

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She (trans woman) has to conform to societal expectations and veil herself as a 'he'

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But I've always thought it was spelt vail not veil

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Thank youu

vestal hemlock
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I see, thanks! In that case, I think your commas are fine, but I would recommend adding another "she" after the first "yet": "says she, veiled as he, yet she lives conforming to the oppressors' regime." This helps make the subject clear! I had trouble following it at first.

glad charm
vestal hemlock
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Some other suggestions:

  • "Yet you take no action but within your dreams" I would replace "but" with "except". This makes the contrast more immediately clear. "But" can have many meanings, but "except" really only has one! By using "except" here, the reader understands right away that the speaker cannot take action in their real life, and can only be free in their dreams. "But" is still correct though, so feel free to keep it as is.
  • "that grandiose speech is nought but." Nought but what? I don't understand what is meant by this, I suggest revising. If you mean something like "those fancy words are nothing but words, they don't translate to real change", you can phrase this as: "that grandiose speech is nothing but speech."
  • "slain for want of a change " I'm not sure what you mean here!
glad charm
# vestal hemlock Some other suggestions: - "Yet you take no action but within your dreams" I wo...

  • I feel using 'but' fits a bit better with the overall style

  • I agree it's a bit ambiguous. These sentences are correct, though: 'You claim to hate violent people, but you've been nought but.' It's just they're awkward, so I think I'll add that 'speech' at the end.

  • 'for want of a' means 'because of not having'. You may have heard the poem For Want of a Nail (attachment). So I'm saying 'Because of a lack of change, she who often dreamt and became lost in thought (dreaming about change) ended up slain'

I think it should be 'slain is she' though, not 'was'. Not sure
I think I should also add 'your' before 'reality'

e454ac73-6163-4b74-bf80-9e934de35b64_SP560-Forwantofanail.jpg
vestal hemlock
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I'd keep it as "was" if you want to imply she is "dead". I agree with adding "your" before "reality"!

glad charm
glad charm
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Is that wrong?

vestal hemlock
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I think this comma is up to personal choice! Some people would say you should not put it, because "yet" and "but" do not require commas. I can say from experience though that I often put commas before "yet" and "but", and many people around me do too!

icy bramble
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Hello can somebody help me with my essay 😭 i just got some questions to ask

heady nova
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hello

autumn portal
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Hi, if someone can actually proofread this for me. I keep reading it over and over again and I just feel like there's something missing

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I hope this message finds you in good health. My name is [ my name] and I am currently a student at [highschool name], enrolled in the International Baccalaureate (IB) program. I am writing to express my genuine interest in volunteering with the Manitoba Bar Association.

I am passionate about pursuing a career in law, and I believe that volunteering with your organization would allow me to better understand what I want to do in the future, particularly in the field of business law, while deepening my understanding of this profession. As an IB student, I am driven to excel academically and constantly strive for a better future. I look forward to contributing my time and efforts to assist you at any event, panel, or seminar hosted by the ABM.

I am particularly inspired by the Manitoba Bar Association’s mission to promote justice, support access to law and strengthen the legal profession in the province. I would be honoured to contribute to your efforts to improve access to justice and strengthen commitment to ethical legal practices, while leveraging my skills and knowledge.

Additionally, I speak three languages: English, French and Arabic, which would be invaluable in assisting with a diverse range of clients, events or communications. I am confident that my multilingual skills will allow me to connect with a broader audience and contribute meaningfully to the ABM’s mission.

I would be grateful for the opportunity to support your work and would be happy to assist with event planning, administrative tasks or any other mission where you would need help. Thank you very much for considering my application and I look forward to discussing any volunteer opportunities.

Please let me know if there are any next steps I can take.

glad charm
queen wedge
queen wedge
glad charm
glad charm
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there are other things that require proofreading, such as QueenBee's text :p

queen wedge
glad charm
queen wedge
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only thing i see when i read it is why 'dreamed' instead of 'dreamt'

glad charm
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Omngg youre right

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how did I go the Ameriocan way

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For shame, for shame Cryrushia

queen wedge
glad charm
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Thank you a lottt 💜

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I can't belive I used 'dreamed' instead of 'dreamt' CB_neko_dies

queen wedge
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If you use the apostrophe i think english-wise it means "of," if you mean that, rather than a sudden way to express emotion

glad charm
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That's supposed to be single quotation marks

queen wedge
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I didnt notice it oopsie

glad charm
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hehe

queen wedge
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(that's why double is better 😛)

glad charm
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Wouldn't it be after, not before, for it to be read as 'of'?

queen wedge
glad charm
queen wedge
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It is after

glad charm
outer fjord
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What if british apostrophe were double 🤔

queen wedge
queen wedge
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do what, do may, however, double will cause no trouble!

outer fjord
queen wedge
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Anyways, thank u! I think the other person gave all the advice you need

outer fjord
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I”m

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wow

queen wedge
outer fjord
queen wedge
queen wedge
outer fjord
queen wedge
glad charm
outer fjord
queen wedge
glad charm
outer fjord
outer fjord
glad charm
outer fjord
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Quotation marks are for enclosing direct narrations and for emphasis

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Maybe I could not convey the idea clearly

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my bad

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And apostrophes are for contraction and reflexive

glad charm
outer fjord
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lol

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Maybe I won't be able to put that into words

bleak saddle
autumn portal
heavy jay
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hi

granite vault
molten spade
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Hi

vestal vapor
#

Hi

blissful kraken
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Hi can someone proofread my gothic novel and give me some advice and feedback on it?

heady nova
fallow apex
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@blissful kraken

bronze rampart
heady nova
past isle
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hi

flat totem
#

Hello ☺️

high girder
tranquil linden
#

Hii, just wondering if someone can read my essay on hope springs eternal for a competition i have

polar path
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Helli Hello! Idk how this works but I can read Hellos

polar path
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Hehe cool creepy

teal marsh
#

Hi, can someone please look over my narrative writing

wise lagoon
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can someone proof read this for me
Jilwer ｢高速で移動する魔法ジルヴェーア Jiruvēa?｣ is a folk spell originating from a mountain tribe in the Southern Lands. It accelerates the caster so quickly that they appear to flicker in and out of sight before moving at high speed. Laufen demonstrates its effectiveness by stealing the Stille from the Second Party, moving swiftly while still carrying objects. Despite its impressive speed, Jilwer does not make the user fully undetectable, leaving skilled foes the chance to track or intercept their movements.

glad charm
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Doesn't seem like there are any issues

silver carbon
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Hi! I'm French and I'm currently writing a poem. Is this sentence correct? "The same question frets on my mind"

copper stirrup
bronze rampart
wide finch
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HI

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I'm from Morocco and I would like improve my English

weary kettle
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Hi

obsidian spindle
astral garden
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Hello everyone

outer fjord
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@astral garden Welcome to Discord

astral garden
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i want to practice my english in the app

astral garden
whole fulcrum
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စပ

outer fjord
north cypress
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can somone proofread my research essay on Hamlet?

neat ledge
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Hi can someone provde me with proofreading and help on my essay?

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if so dm me

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pls sb

neat ledge
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🙏

golden mesa
#

Profread my fiction and give me responses whether it be an advice or just a general opinion of it, read ahead !
Ocher was sweating as he looked at the silhouette of a figure that seemed to be radiating some sort of majestic light from within it, the surrounding of it which were the beds of the pond it was standing by lit up and could be seen as clearly as at daylight, Ocher was out hunting for bears as instructed by the department of the wilder-ambush where he worked, and whilst searching for another bear after taking down two vicious ones he encountered the most curious or rather perplexing phenomenon he had ever witnessed happen before his eyes, he was sure he wasn't hallucinating due to the effect of a kind of syrup because he hadn't had any to begin with, so could this be a being out of this world that is yet to come to the knowledge of the humans and be discovered? Or is this some kind of person doing a hoax on Ocher, Ocher realised that if it's too late for him to find out more about this being and it runs away into the emptiness of the jungle he would be remorseful, he can't let such a magical being with radiant scales and the head of a horse yet the lower body of a gigantic snake go away, it's not everyday that people get to encounter the unknown itself, some might think he is crazy if he goes out to explain what he saw with vague descriptions, he has to be evident with the descriptions, he must arrange a picture or a fragment of the being to present to his superiors, he'll certainly be granted a big chunk of money as a raise if he brings this juicy notion to his high-ups, he can't wait to hear mean Jonah sing his praises like a devotee, but now it's not the time to imagine desirable outcomes because unless this goes as planned there won't be an outcome at all, he has to proceed further and spectate the emergence of this being with delicacy as to not startle it away, he takes his shoes off because they were track-boots

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that can make an evitable noise when stepped onto a branch with, he leans forward from the shrubs and attempts to squint his eyes and adjust them just right at the being, the being had horns actually many horns, three on his head, one on his back near the tail and several other small horns similarly laid as thorns are on the steam a rose, it appears to be the most terrifying yet majestic and glorious being ever, it was utterly otherworldly, neither had anything like this ever been seen before nor will be. The shrubs seemed to be a bit abrasive to Ocher as he had been watching the being from it for how long he couldn't even remember himself as though he had been captivated by the almost illusionary sight of the being to the point that time seemed to have come to a halt for him and he seemed to have been teleported to another dimension for a sec when he laid his glance at the being and it's radiance overwhelmed him, sighing and coming back to his senses from the blissful captivation of the being, he muttered to himself "I'll try getting closer but from the bushy path". He swerved his feet to the right as he crouched to avoid being spotted, he took small steady steps forward and made sure to remain out of its sight, his trousers were tight and they made it difficult and unpleasant for him to move forward while crouched yet he kept going forward.

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Upon getting a bit closer to it still not desirably close he stumbled upon a shiny shard of something he couldn't make out, he glanced properly and observed it, it was a scale almost like the ones shown in mermaid movies but this one had an inexplicable glow in it which unsettled Ocher and also on the bright side assured him an evidence to his finding, it has got to be from the strange horse-snake creature by the pond ! Exclaimed Ocher with delight and in a murmurous voice. For more stay tuned and I'll be bringing you the sequel to this fiction as you please, have a spectacular day.

proper sapphire
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Stick to one tense (present or past) when writing. I noticed some parts where you're using present tense, then switch to past tense, even though both actions happen at the same time

crystal moth
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yo can someone proof read my scholarship essay application?

stable marten
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can anybody read my english composition and give me feedback, it is not finished but not sure how im going so far

winged otter
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I am looking for a Native English Speaker who can teach me, it will be paid
Please let me know if you are available for teaching

molten bramble
lucid condor
#

I want someone who is a native English speaker to practice with me

ivory anvil
#

Hi there, I am looking for an expert in designing English exams according to theory such as in "Testing for Language Teachers" by Arthur Hughes. I'd need someone fulfil a specific task, paid, of course. Are you the right person? Thank you and kind regards, J.

opaque trellis
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Hi i'm mohamed from Egypt i'm 27 years old and I'm trying to improve my English accent with any native speakers by practicing language so if you don't mind can we speak to each other and be friends

fast pollen
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Hello @opaque trellis

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Nice to meet you

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I am HIro

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could you do English with me?

#

Hello.
I am ceo of small software development team
I am finding somebody with collaborate with me
dont worry to do not know program
we need marketor in other country
if you think suitable , please give me DM
best reguard
Hiro from shiningStar team

zealous swift
idle nexus
#

Hello, in few months I will be taking my final English exams, I will have to write 250 word essay and some formal letter I believe. Would anyone be interested to help me achieve best marks, so we could have a chat in formal setting, where I would expand my vocabulary and erase few mistkes in my grammar. Help would be appreciated, as these exams are of great importance to me. We are studying in B2+ level.

wintry jasper
mint belfry
golden mesa
sweet mulch
fallen portal
#

Hi. I'm David. I'm from Hungary. I love the English language, but I don't speak it well. I would like to learn it better because I'm really interested in this language. If anyone would like to help me by talking to me or writing, I would appreciate it!

lilac steppe
grizzled monolith
#

I really hate coming to the realization that society is of vital importance to us as humans, well; I don´t think I hate that fact itself, what I really hate is how long it took for me to come to that conclusion.

From the moment we are born we are destined to live, even if we don´t want to, we eat, we drink, we laugh, we cry, we think and we die, we are forced to grow, learn and develop as individuals; and to be completely honest, I used to hate that fact. I really considered leaving everything behind, sail into the sea, get lost in a forest, anything but to live with my fellow humans. Maybe if I were alone I´d feel better, I wouldn´t have to worry about anything besides eating and sleeping, human relationships were something so dreadful I felt the need to run away from them.

But the psychology I love as well as my own human experience screamed to me otherwise, one of the very things that makes us humans is society, our ability to share, to love, to suffer, to cry and to remember. Each one of those experiences makes us able to build trust and establish relationships with one another, we have the ability to do something no other species can; build a culture to be part of. Now I see the answer is not to isolate, the answer is to share, to help each other; there may be conflicts but there may also be love, even when life is at it´s the lowest, the solution is not and will never be a hut in the woods.

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Hiii

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I wrote this little essay(? Not sure how would I call it

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But I feel like it doesn´t sound natural, or maybe it just sucks lol

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So I´d really appreciate if someone could proofread it and give me their thoughts

glad charm
# golden mesa Profread my fiction and give me responses whether it be an advice or just a gene...

Ocher was sweating as he looked at the silhouette of a figure that seemed to be radiating some sort of majestic light 1. from within it, 2. and 3. and 4.the surrounding of it its surroundings, US-1. which were the 5. beds of the pond it was standing by**,** lit up and could be seen as clearly as 6. and 7. atin daylight**.** Ocher was out hunting for bears as instructed by the 8. and 9. Department of the Wilder-Ambushes where he worked, 10. and**,** whilst searching for another bear after taking down two vicious ones**,** he encountered the most curious US-2. or rather perplexing phenomenon he had ever witnessed happen before his 11. eyes**.** He was sure he wasn't hallucinating 12., 13., and 14. because of due to the effect of a kind of the syrup because he hadn't had any to begin with, so could this be a being out of this world that is yet to come to the knowledge of US-3. the humans and be discovered15.? or is this some 16. kind of person 17. doing pulling a hoax on Ocher**?** Ocher realised 18. and US-4. that**,** if it's too late for him to find out more about this being and it runs away into the emptiness of the jungle**,** he would be 19. remorseful**.** He can't let such a magical being with radiant scales and the head of a horse yet the lower body of a gigantic snake 20. and 21. go get away**;** it's not everyday that people get to encounter the unknown 22. and 23. itself**, after all. Some might think he is crazy if he goes out to explain what he saw with vague descriptions, 24. so he has to 25. be evident bring evidence with the 26. descriptions.** He must arrange a picture or a fragment of the being to present to his 27. superiors**.** He'll certainly be granted a big chunk of money as a raise if he brings this juicy notion to his 28. and 29. higher-ups**.** He can't wait to hear 30. Mean Jonah sing his praises like a devotee, but now it's not the time to imagine desirable outcomes 31. because**,** unless this goes as planned**,** there won't be an outcome at 32. all**.** He has to proceed further and spectate the emergence of this being with delicacy 33. as to not to startle it away**.** He takes his shoes off because they US-5. were track-boots that can make an US-6. evitable noise when stepped onto a branch 34. with**.** He leans forward from the shrubs and 35. attempts to squints his eyes and 36. directs adjust them 37. just right at the 38. being**.** The being had 39. horns**,** actually**,** many 40. horns**;** three on 41. his its head, one on 42. his its back near the 43. tail**,** and several other small horns similarly 44. laid lay as thorns 45. are do on the 46. steam stem 47. of a 48.rose. It 49. appears to be is the most terrifying yet majestic and glorious being 50. ever**.** It was utterly 51. otherworldly**.** Neither had anything like 52. this it ever been seen 53. before nor 54. will would 55. ever be. The shrubs 56. seemed to be felt a bit abrasive to Ocher 57. as he who had been watching the being from 58. it them for 59. how long he couldn't even remember himself God knows how long as though he had been captivated by the almost illusionary sight of the being to the point that time seemed to have come to a halt 60. for him and he seemed to have been teleported to another dimension for a 61. second when he 62. laid his glance at eyes upon the being and 63. it's its radiance overwhelmed 64. him**.**

#

Sighing and coming back to his senses from the blissful captivation of the being, he muttered to 65. himself**,** "I'll try getting closer but from the bushy path". He swerved his feet to the right as he crouched to avoid being spotted**.** He 66. then took small steady steps forward and made sure to remain out of its 67. sight**.** His trousers were tight and 68. they made it difficult and unpleasant for him to move forward while 69. crouched**,** yet he kept going forward.

#

These are changes I've made above and notes about them:

  1. 'radiate' already implies that the subject referent is the focus of the emittance. Specifying 'from within it' is needless.
  2. You needed something to connect this and the next sentence.
  3. We don't use the 'of' possessive with 'it'. In that sense, 'surroundings' is used, not 'surrounding'.
  4. Non-restrictive relative clauses are offset by two commas.
  5. A pond has one bed, not several.
  6. 'At daylight' means 'Right when the sun comes up' and 'In daylight' means 'When basked in the light of day'; you likely meant the latter.
  7. You needed a full stop there.
  8. Names should be capitalised properly.
  9. 'The' does not fit there before 'Wilder-Ambush', since, I assume, this department doesn't oversee one 'wilder-ambush' but rather 'wilder-ambushes' in general. That's also why I added that '-es' to the name.
  10. Offset the subordinate clause with commas since it only provides extra information.
  11. Full stop.
  12. 'Due to' only modifies nouns, the seldom-followed rule.
  13. 'The effects of' is not needed.
  14. 'a kind of' implies he isn't sure what kind of syrup, but he seems very much aware of what syrup he is speaking of.
  15. This is one full question; put the question mark after all the options.
  16. 'Kind of' would imply Ocher was not sure what kind of person, instead of meaning 'random' or 'unimportant', which 'some' on its own would mean.
  17. People 'Pull hoaxes', not 'Do hoaxes'.
  18. I'm not exactly sure why, but it seems to me that that 'if'-clause would best be offset with commas.
  19. Full stop.
  20. 'Get away' is better for describing an animal escaping.
  21. Full stop or semicolon.
  22. Added 'after all' to better connect the sentences in meaning.
  23. Full stop.
  24. Added 'so' to connect the sentences.
  25. 'To be evident' is 'To be obvious'. That is, it's easily noticed, seen, and understood. He has to provide evidence, not to be noticeable and understandable.
  26. Full stop.
  27. Full stop.
  28. It's 'higher-ups', not 'high-ups'.
  29. Full stop.
  30. Since 'Mean' is part of the name/nickname, it should be capitalised.
  31. Commas around the 'unless-clause.
  32. Full stop.
  33. 'As to not' sound awkward, even though it's not incorrect. 'As not to' would be better.
  34. Full stop.
  35. There is no point in saying he attempts to squint unless he's actually struggling to do so, which he is not.
  36. 'Adjust one's eyes at' isn't an expression; 'direct one's eyes at' is, though.
  37. Using 'just' there does not make sense.
  38. Full stop.
  39. Commas.
  40. Semicolon.
  41. It was referred to as a 'being'; it also seems to be some sort of animal. Use 'it', not 'him', until you confirm the sex of the being.
  42. Ref. 41 ^.
  43. Optional comma.
  44. The past tense of 'lie' is 'lay', not 'laid'.
  45. That 'are' should be 'do'. It's not 'thorns are lie' but 'thorn do lie'.
  46. 'Steam' is the hot, white air boiling liquids release. 'Stem' is the base 'stick' of a flower. You meant the latter.
  47. Missing 'of'.
  48. Full stop.
  49. Using 'it appears to be' makes it sound like the speaker isn't sure if it actually is. This greatly downplays how scary the being is.
  50. Full stop.
  51. Full stop.
  52. The sentence would sound better with the 'this' as an 'it'.
  53. 'Before' is redundant.
  54. Since you said 'had ever been', it would sound more natural for the rest of the sentence to also be in the past tense. Thus, 'would ever be'.
  55. Adding 'ever' makes the statement more emphatic.
  56. 'Seemed to be' would imply the speaker wasn't sure but was only guessing how the shrubs were. If he was in them, he should know how they felt, not be guessing.
  57. This change was made because 'who' would sound more natural. Feel free to revert it.
  58. 'Shrubs' is plural; refer back to it using 'they', not 'it'.
  59. 'how long he couldn't even remember himself' sounds very very awkward in that sentence. It would be best to use an idiom like 'God knows how long'.
  60. 'For him' is redundant.
#
  1. Don't use such an informal spelling as 'sec' in a story.
  2. The expression is not 'to lay glance at'. The expression is 'to lay one's eyes on/upon'.
  3. 'Its' is the possessive determiner. 'It's' is a contraction of 'it is'.
  4. Full stop.
  5. Comma.
#
  1. Added 'then' to better connect the sentences.
  2. Full stop.
  3. The sentence flows better without that 'they'.
  4. Comma.
  5. Commas.
#
  1. Added 'though' to better connect the parts.
  2. Full stop.
  3. Full stop.
  4. Comma.
  5. 'In it' is not needed.
  6. 'But', not 'and'.
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  1. Commas.
  2. You likely meant 'ensure', not 'assure'.
  3. 'Evidence' isn't countable. You can't use it with 'a' or 'an'.
  4. Full stop.
  5. You need quotation marks around speech.
  6. Don't put a space before exclamation marks.
  7. 'Exclaimed' shouldn't be capitalised there.
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These are things I'm not sure about or notes. Some of these I've applied in the full text at the end:
US[Unsure]-1. Since surroundings has to be plural, it's a bit awkward for only a singular noun to come after. I'd likely say 'of which was', to imply that there is more to the surroundings and to state that this is one of the things there.
US-2. It's not clear what you're trying to say here.

Guess-1. The speaker is unsure whether the phenomenon was the 'most curious' or 'rather perplexing'.
Guess-2. The speaker is correcting themself. They're changing their description from 'most curious' to 'rather preplexing' and indicating this switch with an 'or'.
Guess-3. The speaker is correcting themself with certainty. They're changing their description from 'most curious' to 'preplexing' and indicating this switch with a confident 'or rather'.
Here is how I would punctuate each (I'll go with Guess-3 for the full version):
1 (current). … he encountered the most curious or rather perplexing phenomenon he …
2. … he encountered the most curious***,*** or***,*** rather perplexing phenomenon he …
3. … he encountered the most curious***,*** or***,*** rather***,*** perplexing phenomenon he …
US-3. Unless Ocher is not a human, there shouldn't be a 'the' there.
US.4. Throughout this realisation, from 'if it's too late for him to find out more', you go into the present tense, which is fine. However, you don't go back into the past tense after, and the story keeps going in the present tense right until 'The being had horns, actually'. I would recommend keeping it in the past tense right from 'now it's the time' and onwards until the next tense change. I'd rephrase that bit to 'now was the time' and go from there. I'll change the tense for you in the full version.
US-5. I'm not sure if you actually meant 'evitable' or if you meant 'inevitable'. I decided I would point it out here.

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Full:

Ocher was sweating as he looked at the silhouette of a figure that seemed to be radiating some sort of majestic light, and its surroundings, of which was the bed of the pond it was standing by, lit up and could be seen as clearly as in daylight. Ocher was out hunting for bears as instructed by the Department of Wilder-Ambushes where he worked, and, whilst searching for another bear after taking down two vicious ones, he encountered the most curious, or, rather, perplexing phenomenon he had ever witnessed happen before his eyes. He was sure he wasn't hallucinating because of the syrup because he hadn't had any to begin with, so could this be a being out of this world that is yet to come to the knowledge of humans and be discovered or is this some person pulling a hoax on Ocher? Ocher realised that, if it's too late for him to find out more about this being and it runs away into the emptiness of the jungle, he would be remorseful. He can't let such a magical being with radiant scales and the head of a horse yet the lower body of a gigantic snake get away; it's not everyday that people get to encounter the unknown itself, after all. Some might think he is crazy if he goes out to explain what he saw with vague descriptions, so he has to bring evidence with the descriptions. He must arrange a picture or a fragment of the being to present to his superiors. He'll certainly be granted a big chunk of money as a raise if he brings this juicy notion to his higher-ups. He can't wait to hear Mean Jonah sing his praises like a devotee, but now was not the time to imagine desirable outcomes because, unless this went as planned, there wouldn't be an outcome at all. He had to proceed further and spectate the emergence of this being with delicacy as not to startle it away. He took his shoes off because they were track-boots that could make an evitable noise when stepped onto a branch with. He leant forward from the shrubs and squinted his eyes and directed them right at the being. The being had horns, actually, many horns; three on its head, one on its back near the tail, and several other small horns similarly lay as thorns do on the stem of a rose. It was the most terrifying yet majestic and glorious being ever. It was utterly otherworldly. Neither had anything like it ever been seen before nor would ever be. The shrubs felt a bit abrasive to Ocher who had been watching the being from them for God knows how long as though he had been captivated by the almost illusionary sight of the being to the point that time seemed to have come to a halt and he seemed to have been teleported to another dimension for a second when he laid his eyes upon the being and its radiance overwhelmed him. Sighing and coming back to his senses from the blissful captivation of the being, he muttered to himself, "I'll try getting closer but from the bushy path". He swerved his feet to the right as he crouched to avoid being spotted. He then took small steady steps forward and made sure to remain out of its sight. His trousers were tight and made it difficult and unpleasant for him to move forward while crouched, yet he kept going forward. Upon getting a bit closer to it, though still not desirably close, he stumbled upon a shiny shard of something he couldn't make out. He glanced properly and observed it. It was a scale almost like the ones shown in mermaid movies, but this one had an inexplicable glow which unsettled Ocher but also, on the bright side, ensured him evidence to his finding."It has got to be from the strange horse-snake creature by the pond!" exclaimed Ocher with delight and in a murmurous voice.

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THAT TOOK AGES

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@golden mesa, please, please, please, more full stops Cryrushia
Also, stay consistent with your tenses. Don't use too many run-on sentences. Use commas properly; don't just throw them in there after every sentence. Use quotation marks when indicating speech. Don't put a space before exclamation marks. And yeah, overall fine but please don't bring us a sequel birbcry

steep wing
glad charm
steep wing
glad charm
# grizzled monolith I really hate coming to the realization that society is of vital importance to u...

Ngl, I don't notice many grammatical mistakes. The only one (that I did notice) would be here: 'even when life is at it´s the lowest'. I think you meant 'at its lowest'. Remember: 'it's' is short for 'it is'. 'Its' means 'belonging to it'.
The rest of the issues are punctuative ones: overusing semicolons, not using full stops enough, and using grave accents/backticks instead of apostrophes. I would go through and correct the punctuation, but I'm too tired, sorry 😅
Overall, this is good. I love it.

If you'd like, you can throw the word 'misanthrope' in there. It seems fitting.

golden mesa
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Thanks for taking your time and guiding me, I truly appreciate your efforts.

golden mesa
# grizzled monolith I really hate coming to the realization that society is of vital importance to u...

There are few mistakes and things to be pointed out, which are:
In the last sentence of the second para i.e "human relationships were something so dreadful I felt the need to run away from them" here, the pronoun "them" is pretty much unnecessary and ruins the flow a bit, so removing it would be better but keeping it isn't grammatically incorrect or anything. Thereafter, in the first line of the third para, you say "one of the very things" only to end up stating numerous things, so it's a bit incorrect I'd say, cuz like it doesn't make sense. Either change it with some or any other quantifier. The second last clause where you say "even when life is at it's the lowest" there is clearly a grammar error, you most probably meant "at its lowest".
These are all the mistakes I could spot, your punctuations are redundant though and can be worked upon. Especially the enormous usage of semicolons.

red willow
lilac steppe
queen wedge
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Nah I feel bad for all the ppl who haven’t received help oops

inner gazelle
glad charm
glad charm
proper sapphire
glad charm
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The 9000 salutes make it worth it Cool

proper sapphire
lilac steppe
queen wedge
kind sluice
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Hello is there any one here that tried to write personal Statement before

cedar rapids
heady nova
glad charm
heady nova
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Are you really snitching on me rn 💀

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Jokes on you @woven tinsel is sound

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Best mod on here fr, he’s chill asf xx

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Also it’s not spam, it’s called rallying support 😍

glad charm
glad charm
woven tinsel
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@glad charm @heady nova
❤
I appreciate ur support lads. Thanks.
Its all fine here. We all have the same goal, serevr comes first

glad charm
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A little thingy I wrote some days ago. Are there any possible improvements or present mistakes? Any expressions out of place for the style? Any punctuative errors?

As I lay eyes upon the town, my instincts urged me not to go nearer. There was something to it, and I cannot quite describe it, for it was not of this realm, that greatly uneased me. Yet I, against my own and my body's inclination, followed behind Carol, my fellow agent, with whom I found myself paired on this dreary mission. The town was left in a state that, were we not privy to what had come to pass there, should have left us positively inclined to believe a great spirit had brought its wrath down upon it. There was scarce an inch not covered in moss and seemingly ancient plants, and the roads were disquietingly soundless. Such was the silence that I could not but hum to myself a quiet toon, that my racing heart's thumping may not be so resounding within my ears. The alleys bade I go thither, and were I weaker of mind, and were Carol not there beside me, I should have readily fallen for the sweet promises that the darkness whispered to me. We strode unto the mansion, which stood sullen and solitary upon a great hill. It was, though surrounded by the squalid town, deceptively pristine, as though the forces of nature conformed to its desire not to fall into the dilapidation that its neighbours had. I shame to admit that, as I looked upon it, a dread swelled within me so immensely that my legs were set aquiver and my vision became blurred. Thankfully, there she was, Carol, who upon noticing the signs of my distress placed a hand upon my shoulder, thereby grounding me and dispelling my worries momentarily.

proper sapphire
# glad charm A little thingy I wrote some days ago. Are there any possible improvements or pr...

As I lay eyes upon the town, my instincts urged me not to go nearer. [1] There was something to it, and I cannot quite describe it, for it was not of this realm, that greatly uneased me. Yet I, against my own and my body's inclination, followed behind Carol, my fellow agent, with whom I found myself paired on this dreary mission. The town was left in a state that, were we not privy to what had come to pass there, should have left us positively inclined to believe a great spirit had brought its wrath down upon it. There was scarce an inch not covered in moss and seemingly ancient plants, and the roads were disquietingly soundless. Such was the silence that I could not but hum to myself a quiet [3] toon, that my racing heart's thumping may not be so resounding within my ears. The alleys bade I go thither, and were I weaker of mind, and were Carol not there beside me, I should have readily fallen for the sweet promises that the darkness whispered to me. We strode unto the mansion, which stood sullen and solitary upon a great hill. It was, though surrounded by the squalid town, [5] deceptively pristine, as though the forces of nature conformed to its desire not to fall into the dilapidation that its neighbours had. I shame to admit that, as I looked upon it, a dread swelled within me so immensely that my legs were set aquiver and my vision [6] became blurred. Thankfully, there she was, Carol, who upon noticing the signs of my distress placed a hand upon my shoulder, thereby grounding me and dispelling my worries momentarily.

[1] I think this sentence would be a bit easier to read with some em dashes, one after "something to it" and one before "that greatly uneased me"
[3] You probably meant "tune"
[5] "Deceptively pristine" means it's not actually pristine, which doesn't fit with your later sentences. Unless you're about to describe the inside, which is just as ruined as the nearby town?
[6] This one's more of a suggestion. I think "became" can be omitted here

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And sorry I can't count lmfao

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The writing itself is great and I like your extensive vocabulary okay_nice

heady nova
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ooof....the amount of efforts these people are putting in proofreading essays..is insannee

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appreciate it...i wouldnt put this much effort on my gf over my dead body lol

glad charm
glad charm
glad charm
proper sapphire
proper sapphire
heady nova
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Hello Everyone

heady nova
olive ravine
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Hello i want you guys correct this letter
from letter from my friend a letter

Hi everyone its ethan here u found this letter im dead to who are truly my friend i want to say thank you everyone are supporting me and guide me and to become a good and i have my inspiration from you guys anyway even my dead im always say thank you and im already save my memories Ethan Out

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Make a beautiful letter for him plss

glad charm
# olive ravine Hello i want you guys correct this letter from letter from my friend a letter `...

Uh, tried to keep the same conent but almost full rephrasing cuz the original was unfixable ngl

Hello everyone, this is from Ethan. If you are reading this letter, it's more than likely that I'm dead. To those who truly were my friends, I want to say thank you. Thank you so much to all of you for supporting me, and guiding me, and helping me become as good as I could. You guys were my inspiration. Even dead, I will forever be thankful to you. Goodbye.

smoky axle
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I made a few changes but I am a mere native speaker. 🫡

Hi everyone it's Ethan here. If you have found this letter, I'm dead. To my friends I want to say thank you. Thank you all for supporting me and guiding me to become a good person. You guys were my inspiration. Anyway, even though I'm dead I will always be thankful for the memories we made together. Ethan Out

chrome remnant
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hello every one am new in this server am study to pass my exam am here for friendship and business partnership Dm me for more thing we can be friend

queen wedge
smoky axle
modest wraith
# chrome remnant hello every one am new in this server am study to pass my exam am here for frien...

³yg f free r feed the 3 r reef fe degree 3 r trf egg Federer f r ff fever feverfew theft fed r Greece ee Gregg f trf rgg3f egg gee gede referred effed r d feed free r red effervescent red reefer referrer referred edge trf degree ef edge f r dc ft feet free ft dd ft c ft deg f defect ft GeForce regret f the edge freer feyt@glad charm yurry regret f get Gregg gregarious TV tgl ģf³3è TV²³ft x c c wx ß w s w x sw d2g I used 3u5yt

glad charm
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hmm

outer fjord
glad charm
outer fjord
glad charm
modest wraith
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Sorry, it's butt texting😭😭😭😭😭

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I'm so so sorrySadHamster

smoky fulcrum
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Hello, could someone help me proofread my university application essay?

wispy shadow
glad charm
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aka, past tense of 'lie' instead of past tense of 'lay'

proper sapphire
glad charm
proper sapphire
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But now that I reread it, it does seem off. Like, very subtly off 😔

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I'll read the new/updated version later. Tomorrow

queen wedge
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You just gave away that ur underaged 😭🙏🏻

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Rest in pieces

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But if you acc aren’t underaged and need help with a spelling bee I’d love to

proper sapphire
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I'm reporting you

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Also how we gonna help you. Just go read a dictionary or something

lilac steppe
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Lmao you're so helpful

glacial panther
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Iwon

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I won

glacial panther
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You're right tho

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But

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F#ck

glad charm
proper sapphire
glad charm
queen wedge
queen wedge
fervent valve
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can someone read over an essay i wrote about hamlet movie adaptations

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my teacher told me to flesh out my thesis a lil more and i dont rly know how to change it to be better, also i dont know if i did enough analysis compared to showing proof of stuff in the body paragraphs

queen wedge
queen wedge
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They all annoy me so much

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If I remember correctly theres that

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Old one w the witch-like ones at the beach, then theres that rlly weird garbage dump one, and then the polonski one by the weird director, & then theres the nun underground bunker one, and that weird bbc one

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And this scottish one and that apple one thats black and white

queen wedge
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Is like a formalist literary theory analysis or sm

fervent valve
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honestly i dont really know what typa analysis it is

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its a comparison essay

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can i just dm it to u or smth

queen wedge
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You can dm or send it here its up to you

fervent valve
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alr ill dm it

queen wedge
heady nova
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Can anyone give a solid feeback on this

Homage to Catalonia is a book written by Orwell about his experiences in Spain. The Englishman was a middle-class person who decided to join the P.O.U.M. militia, where he fought against the fascists. He left his marks, personal views, and political insights over the pages.

The book uses a literary and somewhat technical language. It is entertaining from the beginning to the end. At first, I held some prejudice towards autobiographies; but in the end, I was delighted by Orwell's ability to mix up his literary skills with his political knowledge.

It is a must for those who want to delve into 20th century politics, perhaps a fundamental one. George not only solidly criticizes socialism but also gets the reader immersed throughly with his vivid details in the Spanish Civil War.

glad charm
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The book uses a literary and somewhat technical language.
That 'a' is wrong

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At first, I held some prejudice towards autobiographies**,** but**,** in the end, I was delighted by Orwell's ability to mix up his literary skills with his political knowledge.

  1. You normally don't use semicolons with coördinating conjunctions unless the sentences are very long and complicated; a comma would work just fine in your sentence.
  2. You need a second comma after the 'but' to offset 'in the end' properly
  3. 'Mix up [x] and [y]' means 'confuse [x] and [y]'; 'Mix [x] and [y]' is what you wanted
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The book is a must for those who want to delve into 20th century politics, perhaps a fundamental one. George not only solidly criticizes socialism but also gets the reader immersed throughly with his vivid details in the Spanish Civil War.

  1. (optional) Replacing that first 'it' with 'the book' would help with knowing what you mean right away. Personally, that 'it' gave me pause, and I had to think about it for a second
  2. It's not clear what 'in the Spanish Civil War' is refering to. Is he getting the reader immersed in it? Or are you saying he shares vivid details of the Spanish Civil War?
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for 2, the former option would require the 'in the Spanish Civil War' be after 'immersed'

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Homage to Catalonia is a book written by Orwell about his experiences in Spain. The Englishman was middle class and decided to join the P.O.U.M. militia, where he fought against the fascists. He left his marks, personal views, and political insights over the pages.

The book uses literary and somewhat technical language. It is entertaining from the beginning to the end. At first, I held some prejudice towards autobiographies, but, in the end, I was delighted by Orwell's ability to mix his literary skills with his political knowledge.

The book is a must for those who want to delve into 20th century politics, perhaps a fundamental one. George not only solidly criticizes socialism but also gets the reader immersed in the Spanish Civil War throughly with his vivid details.

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@heady nova ^

heady nova
heady nova