#📝｜proofreading

1 messages · Page 5 of 1

real robin
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Nikolai Kuznetsov had gotten off the train just a few moments ago, feeling incredibly sick and exhausted. His eyes feel the weakest, as he has been relying on them the most, staring blankly into corners, pondering and thinking. His mind was hazy, which did not help him against the oncoming snow storm. He thought of his friend, who is the sole reason he is back in this small, old town. He feels excited to once again meet his friend, though a deep anxiety has settled itself inside of his gut. Precisely four days ago, he received a letter inside of which, his friend begged him to return as quickly as possible, not describing the reason as to why.  The grasp on the letter, which he is holding inside of his warm pocket, is signed by Anton Quietov. Nikolai exhales, simply hoping that whatever this great calamity is, he shall arrive before it reaches his friend, Anton.
Walking through a dirt path that connects the town to the railroad station, Nikolai Kuznetsov repeatedly rubs his eyes in an effort to regain some sharpness in his sight. The sensation feels good, soothes his tired, sleepless face. One would not give him forty, but the heavy eyebags and lines prevent him from looking less than thirty. With the lack of illumination and with his sight obstructed, his mind kept busy by the sensation for a few short moments, he is caught off guard as he trips, and falls onto the dirt. From his gut, a deep grunt echoes as he touches the ground, failing to save himself with his arms. For a few seconds he lays there, and then begins to push himself off the ground. Snow sticks to his coat, and he appears quite white with the accumulated snow. Nikolai raises himself to his knees, and he sits there, feeling incredibly poignant about himself. Muffled steps echo to the right of him.
Hearing soft steps in the snow, he turns his head to the right. He gets back onto his feet as through the snow, a visage continues to walk towards Nikolai. He notices that the letter has fallen out of his pocket, laying there on the ground, half buried in the snow. Quickly, he crouches and grabs hold of it, placing it deeply within his cold, soggy pocket. Now, he turns fully to the oncoming person, thinking that it must be Anton, arriving late to welcome him. His head tilts as his eyes fall onto a thing whose appearance he has never seen nor heard of before.
It is his height, exact same height. It is slim, skinny. As if it is covered in a type of a black garment, or perhaps that is truly its skin. It carries a type of a mask. A circle with openings for eyes and mouth, three large circles, the one for the mouth being a bit smaller. It walks up to Nikolai, that stands frozen in his feet – not because of the snow and chilling wind that howls. It stands in front of him, facing him. The wind gently passes through them, the snow falling onto them just as much.
Just as it had walked up to him, the mannequin-like 'thing' steps away, turns, and begins to walk away. Nikolai opens his mouth, as something within him urges him to say something, anything at all. But nothing comes out of him, he stands there, silently in the snow. The 'thing' can not be seen through the snow anymore. Nikolai rubs the spot where he hit his head, and hurries to the town.
„Must've been a good hit,“ he comments as his steps resume.```

If someone could give their honest opinion of my first chapter, thanks.
short onyx
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i really like this, what's it for?
everything seems fine with grammar and wording, too, if that's what you're after :]

craggy elbow
royal sinew
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1Not a living soul was
2 Windows could be seen
3 Train was
4 Silence followed
5 Snow had
6 Kuznetsov got off....as the adverb 'ago' always used with past simple tense
7 Eyes felt
8 He had been relying
9 He was back
10 He felt excited....meet his friend once again
11 Anxiety had
12 Not mentioned any reason to do
13 Which he was

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I didn't read the whole story so plz try to correct the remaining sentence on your own

craggy elbow
royal sinew
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All in all I would say that you beautifully portrayed a picturesque story

azure kettle
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Really need to proofread this introduction of my friend's position paper as she cannot access discord. thanks

Raising Rice Prises, Empowering Local Farmers

In the modern world, rice can currently be produced quicker and efficiently by farming establishments using genetic engineering or by importing rice from other Asian nations. The local farmers who grow rice are impacted by this as they have to spend months harvesting rice grains, which lowers their output and leads them to sell it for twice as much as they paid for it during cultivation in order to cover their harvest and production costs. The following paper will explain the need of standing with farmers and advocating for higher local rice prices in order to oppose former President Rodrigo Duterte's policy of rice tarrification and to stop cheaper foreign rice from entering the market.
static hearth
# azure kettle Really need to proofread this introduction of my friend's position paper as she ...

Your introduction is quite clear, but there are a few minor adjustments for clarity and flow. Here's a revised version:

Raising Rice Prices, Empowering Local Farmers

In the modern world, rice can be produced more quickly and efficiently through genetic engineering or by importing it from other Asian nations. However, these advancements have significant implications for local farmers who grow rice. Spending months on harvesting rice grains reduces their output, forcing them to sell their product for prices that barely cover the harvest and production costs. This paper aims to emphasize the importance of supporting local farmers by advocating for higher local rice prices. It seeks to challenge the policy of rice tariffication implemented during the tenure of former President Rodrigo Duterte, which facilitated the entry of cheaper foreign rice into the market. By addressing this issue, we aim to stand in solidarity with our local farmers.

azure kettle
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wow i never realised how important the word "however" in a statement

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i rarely use it on my papers

static hearth
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You can use other words to convey your shift or introduce a contrasting ideas and even providing nice transition, from however, nevertheless, nonetheless, in contrast, despite this, while, it works in academical level

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See what fit, best luck

frigid parcel
royal sinew
spring viper
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God give me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change and the courage to change the things i can and the wisdom to know the difference

static hearth
round wasp
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Please who do it get the server ,will I pay for it

craggy elbow
frigid parcel
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Darkness crept over the hospital room, lights off because of the early hour. Patrick didn't remember when he woke up, only knew that somewhere along the way, he fluidly transitioned from meaningless slumber to awoken, hopeless thoughts.

He could hear faint moans, snores and shuffling of blankets, sounds all produced by other patients in the room, from whom he was separated only by curtains. None of that was pleasing to hear. Patrick was used to napping in the noisy streets, but in this moment he would prefer to stay asleep and deaf to all of it.

Soon would come the nurses to open the blinds and let sun into the room, but for now everything was covered in shadows. The fan Patrick so absent-mindedly stared at still tried and failed to circulate the air, moving too slow to have any effect. Some device beside him beeped along with his heartbeat. (It was annoying, too. He wished he could be spared hearing it so close.) The night stand next to the bed had nothing on it besides some paperclips, who knows for what.

Nothing had changed since the accident.

Every day spent here would further send Patrick into a spiral of discomfort. He couldn't deal with it. How foolish he had been, to think that he had nothing to lose when he was homeless. And now, he'd lost so much more - a part of his body, his optimism and will to live... and these didn't even come close to the most devastating loss: that of his close companion.

Minnie lost her life there.

Patrick wished he could exchange places with her. He wished he had died instead.

She deserved to recover and relish in the warmth of the sun, to breathe the humid air, to feel a comfortable pillow under her head every night. Minnie would've found these things delightful. Minnie would've enjoyed being alive.

Patrick didn't.

hello, this is a part of my fanfiction, i would love if somebody proofchecked it :>

wet fjord
livid ember
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hello their

heady nova
supple cedar
real robin
real robin
frail kettle
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Hello,

I hope this message finds you well. I am a French native speaker currently working on my personal statement in English. Recognizing the importance of precision and clarity in expressing my thoughts, I am seeking assistance to ensure that my personal statement is polished and error-free.

I am willing to compensate for your time and expertise in helping me refine my writing. If you are available and experienced in English language editing, I would greatly appreciate your support.

Please let me know your availability, rates, and any additional information I might need to proceed. Thank you for considering my request, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

heady nova
heady nova
sinful skiff
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"In stp file is everything correct" Is this sentence correct? Shouldn't it be "In the stp file everything is correct"?

dense magnet
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Also missing punctuation

wet fjord
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Anyone who knows about wix website building please

gaunt forge
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I want a helping

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(Who is coming.oh, guests. I will get back to sleep) I wanna correct for this sentence.

oblique yew
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context: I really like how the character Brainstorm from Ben 10 speaks so I asked copilot to write a really verbose text for me to practice imitating his voice. It was really entertaining to read the text and search for the pronunciation of those weird words so I leave it here in case someone wants to practice this stuff.

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Indeed, I shall endeavour to compose a text of considerable verbosity, one that is replete with an abundance of words and phrases, a text that meanders through the labyrinthine corridors of the English language, plucking from its vast lexicon a multitude of terms, both common and obscure, to weave a tapestry of text that is as rich in detail as it is in length.

In this grand endeavour, I shall strive to leave no stone unturned, no word unused, as I embark on this journey of linguistic exploration. From the simplest of sentences to the most complex of paragraphs, each line will be a testament to the power and beauty of language, a celebration of the myriad ways in which words can be combined to convey meaning, evoke emotion, and stimulate thought.

So, let us begin. Picture, if you will, a world where every thought, every idea, is expressed with the utmost clarity and precision, where each word is chosen with care, each sentence crafted with purpose. In this world, verbosity is not a vice, but a virtue, a tool to be wielded with skill and finesse, a means of painting vivid pictures in the minds of readers, of transporting them to realms of imagination and insight.

In this world, language is not merely a means of communication, but an art form, a medium through which we can explore the depths of human experience, the complexities of our world, and the mysteries of the universe. It is a world where words are the keys to understanding, the bridges that connect us, the threads that bind us together in the tapestry of human existence.

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And so, as we journey through this world of words, let us remember the power that lies within each syllable, each letter. Let us revel in the richness of language, in the beauty of expression, in the joy of communication. For in the end, it is through our words that we define our world, that we shape our reality, that we create our future.

Thus concludes this exercise in verbosity, this exploration of the expansive landscape of the English language. I hope it has been as enjoyable for you to read as it was for me to write. And remember, in the world of words, the possibilities are truly endless.

dire grotto
frigid parcel
mossy zealot
placid kestrel
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The thing I'm concerned about at the moment is the cyber attacks on social media. I heard of a case involving Facebook, that it triggered a civil war with in a certain country. So in this case (the grander scale)its considered a sort of cyber warfare, its helpful and damaging at the same time. I don't digest the media as other ppl do, im more inclined to not be prejudiced. So it does not worry me cuz im oblivious to it. When I managed the Myanmar Facebook crises, I came across useful information related to the events. However, I didn't look into it because it didn't catch my interest. Im afraid i neither have the knowledge nor the capabilities to explain it. Finally, I can say it was a live example of how we are dependent on social media. digital life has become a reality in our society and there's no going back now, the only thing to do is to establish counter measures and policies to control the flow of info. Are there any errors in this text?

cosmic stratus
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Air masses are volumes of air that carry the properties to define the weather and its patterns. Scientists that observe such weather phenomena are known as meteorologists, who try to observe and prognose the weather, as they have developed different methods and instruments to watch the weather conditions. These properties can be moist or dry and cold or warm. Air masses are found in the first and second atmospheric layer, troposphere and stratosphere, in which they are able to move forward and/or remain stationary. They influence the temperature and weather phenomena of the surface, either heating or cooling it in the process. Surfaces, such as oceans and land play a role in the humidity of the air mass, whereas the latitude decides its temperature. I am practicing descriptions for my assignments, does this sound like a good description about the impact of air masses on regional weather patterns? 👀 what could i add, what sounds too complicated?

unique flame
cosmic stratus
unique flame
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you can replace or with and but I figured in this case it reads better with or

craggy elbow
cosmic stratus
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But thank you 🙏

craggy elbow
cosmic stratus
heady nova
limpid acorn
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hello

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what is app

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guys

brisk river
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Nurse-in-Charge
District Nursing Service
Greenville Community Health Care Centre
88 Highton Road, Greenville
Dear Nurse,
RE: Margaret Helen Martin, DOB: 25 July 1935
I am a nurse in the cardiac unit of Greenville Public Hospital who provided care for Miss Margaret Helen Martin, an 81 yo, single woman living alone in Greenville who is about to be discharged tomorrow and would be needing your support as she returns to her home.
Miss Martin was admitted yesterday for a repeat angioplasty. She first had the same procedure in 2008. Her medical history includes coronary artery disease, hypertension and hypercholesterolemia, which are managed by aspirin, clopidogrel, metrolol, ramipril and atorvastatin respectively. In addition, she's also suffering from Coeliac disease, hearing loss and currently, she is overweight as a result of her sedentary lifestyle.
Miss Martin has relatives living in the same area but they seldomly contacts her, and consequently she expressed her anxiety about going home and worries that she may not be able to adjust to her current situation.
I would be most grateful if you could provide home visits to Miss Martin ensuring that she properly adheres to her medications, exercise and dietary regime. She is advised to have a low-calorie, high protein, low-cholesterol, gluten-free diet and to increase her daily oral fluid intake. She's also been instructed to avoid lifting heavy objects for 12 weeks and to take a 15-minute walk daily. A regular monitoring by a Physician, Dietitian and Physiotherapist is also beneficial to her. Finally, it would be great if you could arrange regular family visits to rule out the possibility of social isolation.
Thank you very much and please don't hesitate to contact me if you have any inquiries or clarifications.
Yours sincerely,
Nurse

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Can someone proofread this for me? I'm currently learning how to write letters. Thank you so much.

unique flame
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"Miss Martin has relatives living in the same area but they seldomly contacts seldom contact her"

heady nova
craggy elbow
craggy elbow
heady nova
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oh yeah that's probably a hippa violation in the states ain't it

spice pivot
# brisk river Nurse-in-Charge District Nursing Service Greenville Community Health Care Centre...

Nurse-in-Charge
District Nursing Service
Greenville Community Health Care Centre
88 Highton Road, Greenville

Dear Nurse,

RE: Margaret Helen Martin, DOB: 25 July 1935

I am a nurse in the cardiac unit at Greenville Public Hospital, responsible for the care of Miss Margaret Helen Martin. Miss Martin, an 81-year-old single woman residing alone in Greenville, is scheduled for discharge tomorrow and will require your support as she transitions back to her home.

Miss Martin was admitted yesterday for a repeat angioplasty, having undergone the same procedure in 2008. Her medical history includes coronary artery disease, hypertension, and hypercholesterolemia, managed by aspirin, clopidogrel, metoprolol, ramipril, and atorvastatin, respectively. Additionally, she is coping with Coeliac disease, hearing loss, and is currently overweight due to her sedentary lifestyle.

While Miss Martin has relatives in the area, their contact with her is infrequent, and she has expressed concerns about returning home and adjusting to her current situation.

I would greatly appreciate it if you could conduct home visits for Miss Martin, ensuring her adherence to prescribed medications, exercise routines, and dietary guidelines. She has been advised to follow a low-calorie, high-protein, low-cholesterol, gluten-free diet and increase her daily oral fluid intake. Furthermore, she has instructions to avoid lifting heavy objects for 12 weeks and to engage in a 15-minute daily walk. Regular monitoring by a Physician, Dietitian, and Physiotherapist would be beneficial. Additionally, arranging regular family visits would help mitigate the risk of social isolation.

Thank you very much, and please do not hesitate to contact me for any inquiries or clarifications.

Yours sincerely,
Nurse

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私は修正しましたが、気に入るか..

craggy elbow
spice pivot
heady nova
ancient pond
heady nova
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it's only the first part

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but I did the most in depth I could get

ancient pond
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it is fine, I appreciate your help :> thank you for your time

heady nova
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you're welcome

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:)

real robin
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I'd like some thoughts about my writing, I feel like it is inadequate in quality. It's one of some, but it's the one I dislike the most.

image.png
heady nova
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From the perspective of another writer critiquing you as another writer, there is a LOT that I could say.

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most of it is little stuff so dont worry like I'm saying it's bad no it's really really good

real robin
real robin
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It's the first true novella I'm writing, previous things were just short passages or paragraphs

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So feel free to critique as much as you think is right

heady nova
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I'll

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Be sure to critique your writing when I get home

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I'll tell you what I think

heady nova
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plus it helps bide the time

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if you want a key yellow is mild change, blue is in the middle, and orange is definitely needing of a major change. they're all in my opinion so if you want to ask more questions I'll be happy to answer

real robin
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Thank you a bunch

heady nova
dense magnet
rotund coral
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Would anybody mind to read my essay ? Though it is quite short to be called an essay, it has to respect a certain word limit. I haven’t written any essay in a very long time so I’m pretty embarrassed about the outcome ☠️

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In our day and age, it has become a custom across the globe for people to stay in the comfort of their home and order online instead of leaving their house to go shopping. The main reason for this ever growing phenomenon is how accessible it is. Though it does sound appealing, it also comes with cons.

First and foremost, the ability to shop from one's home has pushed people to become more and more sedentary. In many countries this has led to a literal health crisis, where almost half of the population is morbidly obese, for instance the USA. Though this is not the root cause of it, of course. The tendency of people not exercising, and on top of that not even merely leaving their house to purchase essential goods has drastically increased over the course of the last few years. Thus, it has been linked to poor health.

On the other hand, online shopping could be an essential tool for people with reduced mobility. infrastructures such as trains or even sidewalks are generally not adapted for this specific demographic. Consequently, it gradually reduces their mobility. This could even be perceived as a form of discrimination. Online shopping enables them to fit in and therefore live just like any able-bodied person.

In conclusion, online shopping has both benefits and disadvantages in many different aspects. It also benefits certain people more than others. It is therefore necessary to use it with moderation.

heady nova
heady nova
rotund coral
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Ohhh that was so quick 😭😭😭

heady nova
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I have the day off so I'm just kinda lurking now 😎

rotund coral
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Thank you for your time 🫶🏻. I will try to incorporate everything you’ve corrected in my next essays. thank you very much for your service. 🥸

heady nova
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lol okay you're welcome

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🙂

dense magnet
heady nova
heady nova
rotund coral
heady nova
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What exactly do you mean lol

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Too many COMMENTS?!

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Yes

heady nova
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I left comments

proven shadow
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I have written an intro to a story I have started to practice my English, and I would like to know if I made some mistakes and just general some thoughts about it. blob_peek

My sister was a witch, or at least that is what they told. If it were to be true, would I have been able to accept her burning on the stake? Her screams obliterated by the cheers of the ignorant, who hold the words of the powerful as to be true in an instant, as their faith, for that is all what they know. The air heavy with a nauseating sweet leatherlike stench of her charred flesh combined with the burning wood where the flames danced upon. If she were to be a witch, would I have been able to forget that as the last scent I have of her? Would I have heard the cheers louder than her anguished screams, which seemed to only reach my ears? If she had confessed and converted to what she already believed in, she would have been graced to be strangled to death first. But my sister was an honourable woman, how could she confess to something she is not.

heady nova
proven shadow
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I see I have to practice a lot 😅

heady nova
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I mean

heady nova
# proven shadow I see I have to practice a lot 😅

Not necessarily? I think you shouldn't construe that as you're not good at writing. It was coherent and readable - it's just from my level of critique it does need a lot to practice. But you're still doing good.

craggy elbow
heady nova
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I don't use british english lol

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but there was only one instance of british english there

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and british english spelling is something I don't really mind - I just want to make sure people know that it is british english

proven shadow
proven shadow
true light
heady nova
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guys I'm bored give me stuff to proofread 😔

heady nova
dense roost
jagged garnet
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+1

versed magnetBOT
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tolobek91 has been timed out mute
spacearrowRight Reason: Posting Discord Server Invites

tolobek91 | 964804393629265971
red field
maiden wharf
amber blade
frigid parcel
heady nova
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And that was also 4 days ago

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I'll get to it shortly

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Or a few days lol

frigid parcel
heady nova
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lol it's alright

queen wedge
heady nova
queen wedge
heady nova
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if you meant this one:

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". . . the stone floor helps to wake her up as her soft feet brush against it, moving closer and closer to the door of the house."

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I feel like you would use a semi colon there

queen wedge
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Because if you were to separate them and make them distinct clauses

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The second part is not a clause, and a semicolon joins clause. A comma would need to be used

heady nova
queen wedge
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sure you could imply that there's a subject there but it isn't explicitly stated which is a requirement. so it isn't even a clause

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and the question thus of whether it's independent or dependent (it's dependent as it can't stand alone independently) doesn't even need an answer

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the comma would be appropriate, and it isn't just about the pause (the semicolon is also not just about there being a longer and 'more appropriate pause')

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and yea in english or ig if you're being informal you could imagine a "she is" there but that would still be wrong. you cant interpret the very syntax and grammar of a sentence, only the connotations implied by the writing (and even if this is not the case, it would still be wrong as in English it's incorrect to assume that the reader will automatically put a "she is" or whatever while reading it)

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And yes it feels redundant and unnatural because you have a better/grammatically correct option right in front of you: adding a comma

heady nova
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I think you're probably right about the comma now that I really think about it. It has a predicate, direct object AND an indirect object but yeah I guess technically no subject. This makes me think of why we use a semicolon in tl;dr then lmao.

royal cloud
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https:pornhub.com

queen wedge
queen wedge
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but in the original thing u edited, the comma would definitely be the best option

dry mountain
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Hello! Can someone please review my essay? I would really appreciate your help. Thanks 🥺

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Statistics were gathered in 1995 and 2010 on both people born in and ouside Australia living in urban, rural and town area. It is indicated that in 1995 there were much more people born ouside Australia living in the cities and rural areas. While in towns, locals are much more in number. Futhermore in 2010, there have been a significant decrease in the number of people born outside the country living in rural areas and towns, but still leading in the cities. Moreover, both the towns and rural areas for people born in australia is in par with each other. In comparision, a lot of people born in and outside Australia choose to live in the cities than in towns and rural areas. In conclusion with the 15 year gap data, an increasing number of people both born in and outside the country live in the cities while there is a drastic change in number for those who are living in the cities and towns. (165 words)

gleaming nest
# dry mountain Statistics were gathered in 1995 and 2010 on both people born in and ouside Aust...

Statistics were gathered in 1995 and 2010 on both people born in and outside Australia living in urban, rural, and town areas. It is indicated that in 1995 there were many more people born outside Australia living in the cities and rural areas. While in towns, locals are much more numerous. Furthermore, in 2010, there was a significant decrease in the number of people born outside the country living in rural areas and towns, but still leading in cities. Moreover, both the towns and rural areas for people born in Australia are on par with each other. In comparison, a lot of people born in and outside Australia choose to live in the cities rather than in towns and rural areas. In conclusion, with the 15-year gap data, an increasing number of people both born in and outside the country live in cities while there is a drastic change in the number of those who live in urban areas.

dry mountain
rotund coral
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I wrote an essay on the following topic « ways of encouraging young people to study science » would anyone mind proofreading please ?

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Now more than ever before, science is of paramount importance. Combatting across the globe lethal diseases or rare infections, goes on to support the opinion that it has become dire to encourage young people to study science. Hence, there seems to be two different approaches. One is through school programmes and the other through advertisements.

First and foremost, science should be implemented in curriculums across-the-board. This not only minimizes what one could argue as being a « form of discrimination », kids who are brought up in a wealthier upbringing are more likely to succeed in science subjects, it also allows children to tackle the many intricate yet fascinating aspects of science. Consequently helping them choose science as a career later on. An alternative to the down-to-earth traditional teaching methods would be using flash cards, as it uses active recalling in a means for students to remember on the long run.

Advertisements, on the other hand, have an important role to play when it comes to pushing certain ideas into students. Children hardly ever get to be exposed to young successful scientists whenever they turn on a screen of any sort. That is when increasing the exposure to kids-friendly scientific tv shows comes into play. Reducing the airing of « pop stars » and actors could have a direct impact on the image young people have towards scientists, by lifting the veil off the persistent mysterious image surrounding science.

Nevertheless, primarily relying on schools to take action would take too many years, whereas change is needed right now. Only the media and advertisements can be impactful on a greater scale. Therefore, undoubtedly the change must come from within the media.

void ore
# rotund coral Now more than ever before, science is of paramount importance. Combatting across...

**"Combatting across the globe lethal diseases or rare infections" **doesn't really make sense in it's form, I'm slightly confused as a reader on what you're talking about..
Maybe you're trying to say: "When lethal diseases or rare infections are being combatted across the globe, this goes on to support ..."

"This not only minimizes what one could argue as being a « form of discrimination », kids who are brought up in a wealthier upbringing are more likely to succeed in science subjects, it also allows children to tackle the many intricate yet fascinating aspects of science. " This sounds like two separate sentences, but I could be wrong.

"Consequently helping them choose science as a career later on. " This is a sentence fragment, there's no complete thought here, whereas the previous sentence would've been a run-on sentence.

I'd say to change kids-friendly to kid-friendly, tv to TV or television. Otherwise, these few paragraphs sound pretty good

rotund coral
void ore
real robin
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On the other side of the town, a candle is extinguished by a draft of cold wind that seeps through a broken window, its shards of glass lying neatly inside of the room rather than the outside; something had entered. Holding a bloody letter, the victim now carries a shocked and surprised face as it rests on the floor, motionless and cold.

— "To Nikolai, " lie the words neatly written at the very top of it, the rest sunk in a crimson coat of blood, unreadable.

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What do you guys think, in terms of writing, does it create enough suspense and intrigue?

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Would you change anything or do you think it's good as is?

deft marlin
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The article highlights the artist and media professional’s reactions. Their fear of AI replacing them like those at Cutback Productions, losing their livelihoods as this new AI “Sora” could potentially replace artist in the industry. Making those who have access to this AI tool can potentially outperform others while they struggle to compete. There is also a fear about the identity and authenticity about using this tool as the artist and professionals in the industries unique works might not be valued as much compared to AI-generated content. The desire of every artist for their works to be recognized and appreciated because of their unique talent fears this AI as this can potentially undermined their works. There are also ethical concerns as this AI can be used to spread false information, being worried as people might abuse it as AI content creation is fast and cheap. People can already spread false information with edited pictures and having them to spread fake videos can increase the chance of people believing at it. But not all reactions are negative as some like Ubisoft see it as a tool that can enhance their creativity and could potentially make their work significantly better. When looking at a technological perspective, Sora is a symbol for a significant advancement in AI technology as it can understand commands and execute them even if its complex. This shows the tremendous progress of technology in replicating human abilities. An example is a self-driving car that AI can basically drive without moving the steering wheel.

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@heady nova check mine

heady nova
# deft marlin The article highlights the artist and media professional’s reactions. Their fear...

Um, it is very informative. it has a lot of information in it, I would say. and you just talking about one specific single point i think
i don't know whether there are more points or no(i don't didn't read that article you read)
That was my review. It would be better if you asked someone who's more professional and knowledgeable than me. I'm not a professional, lol, so that's why I'm thinking it could be wrong too.

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ALOO you have a good writing skill btw

ruby tapir
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Hello everyone, I have an exercise to share. If you have something to contribute, feel free to do that, thanks!

The writing exercise is this: "You're going to the US in an exchange program, write a profile e-mail to a prospective host family."
That's my e-mail:


I hope this e-mail finds you well.

My name is Gabriel and I'm twenty-five years old. At the right moment, I'm trying to find a prospective host family to be able to go on an exchange program in the US. I'm currently working as a Motion Designer Freelancer, but I want to improve my academic knowledge by doing an MBA in Design. I've already have a degree in that subject and applied for the Master's degree and got a confirmation from the university.

From beyond studying and working, I'm a very active person. I like to run, trail, play sports and hang out with friends. But I also like to stay home sometimes chilling, watching some movie, playing boardgames, etc.

Thank you for your time and attention.

I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Best regards,

John G. Carlos```
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When I was finished writing, I asked Chat GPT to improve my e-mail. It sent me this:


I trust this email finds you in good health.

My name is Gabriel, and I am twenty-five years old. Currently, I am seeking a host family to support my participation in an exchange program in the US. I work as a Freelance Motion Designer and aspire to enhance my academic knowledge through an MBA in Design. I am excited to share that I have been accepted into the Master's program and received confirmation from the university.

Apart from my professional pursuits, I am an active individual. I enjoy activities like running, trail adventures, various sports, and spending quality time with friends. Equally, I appreciate quiet moments at home—whether it's watching a movie, playing board games, or simply relaxing.

Thank you for taking the time to consider my letter. I am eager to connect with a welcoming host family during this enriching experience.

I look forward to the possibility of hearing from you soon.

Best Regards,

John G. Carlos```

What are your thoughts on the e-mail improved by AI?
frigid parcel
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i think your own e-mail sounds more genuine

ruby tapir
craggy elbow
# ruby tapir Hello everyone, I have an exercise to share. If you have something to contribute...

I also agree that your one reads better. The second one reads as rather impersonal. That said, I'd remove the "From" from "From beyond" as "beyonmd" sort of means that anyway. I'm not sure what "I like to ... trail" means, so GPT was right to mess with that part. As a general thing, something about completeness of the message; I think the assumption with "going to the US in an exchange program" is that you are probably from another culture. You may have chosen to not mention this. That is always an option.

heady nova
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Kindly I would like to ask you since 1st of March will be on Friday and it is a vacation, Should I come on Thursday or Sunday?

( is there any mistakes in this paragraph??)

craggy elbow
# heady nova Kindly I would like to ask you since 1st of March will be on Friday and it is a...

"Should" does no get a capital letter if it follows a comma. Maybe a semicolon instead?
There also seems to be two spaces after "you".
So, otherwise I don't think there is anything wrong.
.
The style is very "kindly.." being very polite.
I'm presuming that Friday is not a working day. Is it really a vacation, a holiday, not just a non-working day?
You could also consider a more direct; Since 1st March is a Friday and not a working day, I could come on Thursday or Sunday, or any other day to suit you. Please let me know when would best suit you.

heady nova
heady nova
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I just checked the calendar, and I found that 1st of March is a Friday and not a working day. I could come on Thursday or Sunday, or any other day to suit you. Please let me know when would best suit you.

This one is right?

craggy elbow
flat sage
# heady nova Kindly I would like to ask you since 1st of March will be on Friday and it is a...

I think it's also important that, '1st of March', is lead by definite article: 'the', so the sentence would say: '...the 1st of March...' (where ellipsis (...) means omitted words).
With regard to the word 'should' using a capital letter. Capital letters are only put on words that follow a period (.); exclamation mark (!);question mark (?); or certain non standard punctuation (‽). The only other time a capital letter can be used is for proper nouns (people or places).
e.g. My friend John went on a plane to see St. Paul's Cathedral.

warped river
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How does proofreading works?

flat sage
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uhhh i think people send sentences or paragraphs that they want proof read or grammatically corrected

kind surge
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hi

rotund coral
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Would anyone mind proof read my practice « proposal » for the Cambridge exam ?

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Here’s the task :

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Here’s the task : You attend a college that has many international students. You feel that the college website does not do enough to support new international students. You decide to write a proposal to the College Principal, explain how the college website could be improved to help these students. In your proposal, outline what extra information or advice you would include on the website and explain how this might help international students make the most of their time at the college.

obsidian wyvern
flat sage
# rotund coral

I haven't studied English or anything but as a native speaker that looks quite superb

rotund coral
flat sage
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My pleasure.

exotic gazelle
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— Bridge.

I can return, the seconds I will try to slow down, I don't disturb the time back.

Strength for dominating. It changes the course and knows to dictate, its law; the gravity.

The metal, it devours dreams randomly. Sand, answer! Rock the hit that you give.

Your place, my place. No one might avoid to fall blindly. Doesn't warn the end.

Your place, my place. No one might release their kidnapping.

Bitter route and nap. Link, a bridge, close stories, and the river muddies them.

The one who saw failures, they are drowning in rage with no salvation.

Lights and cameras can make you get confused, spectator, this is not fiction.

Your place, my place. Who decides to dodge the wind.

And it plays like this.

Your place, my place. Who chooses to turn silences.

Your place, my place. No one might avoid to fall blindly. Doesn't warn the end.

Your place, its place. No one might escape from their kidnapping and dominate... Suspend its endless fly.

Your place, my place. Who decides to avoid the wind.

And it plays like this!

Your place, my place. Who chooses to turn silences.

Your place, my place. No one might avoid to fall blindly. Doesn't warn the end!

Your place, its place. No one might release the confinement of losing, and stop its kidnapping.

elder hearth
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CONTENT:
Kurt Vonnegut's "Harrison Bergeron" is a thought-provoking narrative about a world where uniformity and equality is glorified. It explores the themes of equality, individuality, and extreme egalitarianism. Set in the year 2081 in United States.

The story follows the lives of George and Hazel Bergeron, whose son Harrison rebels against the oppressive system by refusing to conform to societal norms. In their society, every citizen is enforced to wear handicaps to suppress their talent and intelligence. Harrison's rebellion against the government greatly contrasts his parents' willingness to comply and blend in with society. His defiance against the totalitarianism society represents the spark of revolution against the oppressive government. He has none of the cowardice and doesn't blend in with the uniformity of his society.

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Author's intention:
In "Harrison Bergeron," Kurt Vonnegut aims to critique the dangers of extreme egalitarianism and the suppression of individuality in the pursuit of enforced equality. The story serves as a cautionary tale, warning against blind obedience to authority, while advocating for the preservation of individual liberties consider the value of individuality and the importance of resisting oppressive systems. (To provoke reflection on the complexities of human nature Ultimately, Vonnegut aims to spark dialogue about the delicate balance between equality and freedom, urging readers to remain vigilant against the erosion of personal liberties.)

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Your reactions:
Reading Vonnegut's story evokes a range of reactions, from discomfort at the society's oppressive nature to admiration for Harrison's brief moment of freedom. The narrative prompts reflection on the delicate balance between equality and freedom in society, while challenging readers to consider the consequences of sacrificing individuality for the sake of conformity. Its impact is undeniable, prompting introspection about the nature of societal norms and the pursuit of utopian ideals. The narrative sparks reflection on the delicate balance between equality and freedom, challenging readers to confront the complexities of society. Overall, "Harrison Bergeron" serves as a powerful reminder of the importance of individuality and personal freedoms.

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Literary devices and techniques:
Vonnegut employs various literary devices to enhance the story's depth and impact. The use of these literary devices and techniques enhances the story's thematic depth and societal resonance, inviting readers to engage with its main ideas on a deeper level. George's mental handicap radio symbolizes the suppression of his intelligence, while the weights worn by Harrison symbolize the suppression of his physical strength. He uses symbolism to serve as a visual representation of the society's obsession with uniformity. Personification is utilized in the description of the government's Handicapper General, Diana Moon Glampers. She is portrayed as a formidable figure who enforces the government's strict policies with unwavering determination. He also uses imagery to further evoke the oppressive atmosphere of the story. The image of Harrison breaking free from his restraints and soaring through the air, defying gravity and the constraints of the handicaps, creates a powerful visual image of rebellion and defiance. This imagery enhances the reader's emotional connection to the story and underscores its themes of freedom and individuality.

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Conclusion:
Overall, "Harrison Bergeron" sparks questions, emotions and makes you think critically about the consequences of extreme egalitarianism if we apply it to society. It emphasizes the importance of embracing individuality, talent, and creativity in our world. Harrison's bravery to stand up to the societal norms makes him a hero. It does not only show us how society treats people who fights for their rights, he also leaves a lasting impression on us. I was left shocked and wanting to know more about the story. The conclusion was unpredictable, yet it was enjoyable. Despite this, the plot is unique, and that what makes it special. The political themes in the story kept me hooked. This story is one of a kind, it gave me a new perspective and it definitely deserves the praise it gets.

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Can someone please proofread my critique paper

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Or any improvements

flat sage
# elder hearth Or any improvements

In line three, the subordinate clause, '...whose son Harrison rebels against the oppressive...', should have the name "Harrison" surrounded by commas (,); em-dashes (–); or brackets ().
i.e. ...whose son–Harrison–rebels against the oppressive... (I chose to use em-dashes (–) because commas are quite common and mundane and em-dashes are less impeding than brackets (both brackets () and em-dashes (–) are forms of extended punctuation))

In line five, '...totalitarianism...', should be changed to "totalitarian".

Also in line five, you could consider changing "the" in, '...society represents the spark of revolution...', to "a". (optional)

In line eight to ten, I'm not comprehending the sentence: 'The story serves as a cautionary tale, warning against blind obedience to authority, while advocating for the preservation of individual liberties consider the value of individuality and the importance of resisting oppressive systems', you may need to add a period (.) after authority, otherwise the sentence doesn't make grammatic sense because you are connecting multiple independent clauses without use of semicolons (;).

In line ten, your brackets sentence has a capital letter in the middle of the sentence: "Ultimately". Possibly re-reading that and adding a period (.) could assist the cohesion throughout that sentence.

Finally in line 29, you've added an "S" to the end of "fight" which should be removed.

Overall, it is a beautiful piece of writing. I don't mean to sound harsh in my comments if I did. I quite enjoyed reading it and most of it was very well written. I did not check for spelling correction because that can be done through Google or something. If you're interested, I could suggest adding more extended punctuation to bring up the level of writing (let me if you want some worksheets or something) and also using analytical verbs in your analysis to give a more professional tone. You can find those on google or I can send through some of my favourite ones.

flat sage
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Also, depending on the formality of the writing its probably best to avoid first person language (me, I, etc.)

elder hearth
flat sage
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yeah for sure

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just give me a couple of minutes to find them

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did my other feedbakc help though?

elder hearth
flat sage
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assignment?

elder hearth
# flat sage In line three, the subordinate clause, '...whose son Harrison rebels against the...

In line eight to ten, I'm not comprehending the sentence: 'The story serves as a cautionary tale, warning against blind obedience to authority, while advocating for the preservation of individual liberties consider the value of individuality and the importance of resisting oppressive systems', you may need to add a period (.) after authority, otherwise the sentence doesn't make grammatic sense because you are connecting multiple independent clauses without use of semicolons (;).

What do you suggest writing then?

elder hearth
flat sage
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I think seperating it into two sentences: 'The story serves as a cautionary tale, warning against blind obedience to authority. While advocating for the preservation of individual liberties, consider the value of individuality and the importance of resisting oppressive systems.'

You could also do put an em-dash instead: 'The story serves as a cautionary tale, warning against blind obedience to authority, while advocating for the preservation of individual liberties–consider the value of individuality and the importance of resisting oppressive systems.'

Or you could use a subordinate clause seperation (i use brackets in the following example but you can also use commas or em-dashes): 'The story serves as a cautionary tale, warning against blind obedience to authority, while advocating for the preservation of individual liberties, consider the value of individuality, and the importance of resisting oppressive systems.'

I couldn't really tell you which is best to use because it is your writing and you should try and figure out what your goals of the sentence are. Read each through a couple of times and find which one makes most sense to your aim.

elder hearth
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Will that work?

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Since i just connected two independent sentences

flat sage
elder hearth
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Yes

flat sage
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oh crap i cant send files

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can i dm them to you maybe?

elder hearth
elder hearth
flat sage
# elder hearth Yes

yeah that works although i feel like the second sentence is already pretty long and so a period could work better but that is just my opinion

flat sage
elder hearth
flat sage
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all good

elder hearth
real robin
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Hello, I'm asking for some feedback on my second chapter, if anyone would bother. Thank you in advance, feel free to say anything you'd like about it.

The grammar and spelling aspect isn't as important, to me at the moment pacing and the general feel of the work is most urgent for me to learn.

image.png image.png image.png image.png
fresh lance
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Hi

flat sage
# real robin Hello, I'm asking for some feedback on my second chapter, if anyone would bother...

Its reads pretty well although your use of the word anxious on the first page drops suspense. Like you building up this crazy mysterious place and then use the word anxious and it all falls out the window. Maybe a word like apprehensive, distressed, disquieted, troubled or perturbed could work better.

Secondly through the second and third page, I'm not entirely sure of the context, but it feels like you kind of ramble on a bit. You were giving context but maybe save some of it for later when it becomes more relevant.

#

I did quite enjoy reading it though

exotic gazelle
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— Bridge.

I can return, the seconds I will try to slow down, I don't disturb the time back.

Strength for dominating. It changes the course and knows to dictate, its law; the gravity.

The metal, it devours dreams randomly. Sand, answer! Rock the hit that you give.

Your place, my place. No one might avoid to fall blindly. Doesn't warn the end.

Your place, my place. No one might release their kidnapping.

Bitter route and nap. Link, a bridge, close stories, and the river muddies them.

The one who saw failures, they are drowning in rage with no salvation.

Lights and cameras can make you get confused, spectator, this is not fiction.

Your place, my place. Who decides to dodge the wind.

And it plays like this.

Your place, my place. Who chooses to turn silences.

Your place, my place. No one might avoid to fall blindly. Doesn't warn the end.

Your place, its place. No one might escape from their kidnapping and dominate... Suspend its endless fly.

Your place, my place. Who decides to avoid the wind.

And it plays like this!

Your place, my place. Who chooses to turn silences.

Your place, my place. No one might avoid to fall blindly. Doesn't warn the end!

Your place, its place. No one might release the confinement of losing, and stop its kidnapping.

exotic gazelle
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— At times, you.

Absurd farce around me, it scrabbles sieves. They rest in their way of sowing, fear of their creeds.

At times, I feel that I could avoid so many "falls". Its fabled peace, the anchor that says goodbye today. At times, I want to believe in something more.

At times, truly, so much innocence when they throw their sights. At times, truly, they mock, giving smirks to me. Let's see who give me spotlights of their life.

What matters what I say!? If, at times, you, come back with me. And, at times, you, are my nest.

I ignore the insolence of judging me, I don't blame their fears. I take my beliefs apart, to find forgiveness for their prayers.

At times, I want to believe they will save so many lies.

The time has been faithful to show me the exit door.

LET'S SEE WHO JUDGE ME!

flat sage
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do you want people to proof read it?

rotund coral
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Would somebody mind reading my letter for an upcoming exam ? Here’s the task : You recently had an unpleasant experience when you were shopping in a department store. One of the assistants wrongly accused you of shoplifting. Although you were able to prove that you had paid for the item in question, you received no apology.

Write a letter to the manager of the shop, saying why you are angry and disappointed and asking for some kind of compensation for the way you were treated. Say that you will take further action if you do not receive an official apology.

craggy elbow
rotund coral
craggy elbow
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I would use "in regard to" - rather than "in regards to" but this could be my British-based English.
Actually more likely for me, "with regard to" or regarding.
I'd move "Alice" to before "whose name"
These are small things. The piece is great.
Enjoy.

rotund coral
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Oh alright, would you recommend me to play it safe and just go for « yours sincerely » in that case to avoid any misunderstanding perhaps ? Apparently the correctors nitpick a lot.

real robin
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I'd go with,

"From your OG boi,

Name of person here."

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(This is a unserious joke, do not actually write this)

rotund coral
exotic gazelle
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— Pause.

Your honey sight saved its light to pause.
Your skin rests and stays, the water, another cause.

To hear that the silence has come. To sense that the time steals the memories in vain. Hoard your image as a gift, and wait for the place that they promised and it has you (by your side).

Your clear laughter overflows days with no words. Your voice that wanders, it wakes up nights that don't advance. To know that everything has changed. To track my blind footsteps without having you by my side. To sleep the slumbers far and slowly. And to wake up without remembering when I don't have you here anymore.

And find you in a place, and celebrate together the luck. To be able to stay here until the end, by your side.

The cold makes one get tired, my sorrow is dying, calm down, the days pass by, who breaks the ice of this pause?

And find you in a place, and celebrate together the luck. To be able to stay until the end, by your side.

rotund coral
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Who would mind proof reading my report for the Cambridge exam ? By the way quick heads up, what would be a substitute for « younger people » and « elderly people » ? Anyway, here is the task : An international youth organisation is planning to publish a report looking at attitudes between different generations:

We are very keen to hear how elderly people are regarded by younger people in different countries and why the younger generation feel the way they do about elderly people. Suggestions regarding how positive attitudes can be developed are welcome.

flat sage
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there are other more slang terms

rotund coral
dense magnet
elder hearth
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Poverty is the primary cause of Filipino artists being undervalued due to their career choices. Moreover, Barnuevo (2018) mentioned Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, with basic needs such as food, shelter, and clothing considered the most essential. Self-actualization naturally comes last as families who come from middle to lower economic stances do not see art and other forms of expression as a priority (Abbing, 2002). Consequently, the artists’ self-esteem may decrease from the lack of support from their families (DeLongis et. al, 1988), [leading to serious implications for their overall health. For instance, in their physical health, low self-esteem puts them at risk of self-harm. Additionally, their psychological health may also be affected such as anxiety and depression (Shack et. al, 2018).]

My teacher says it sounds like it would fall under a fallacy (the sentences inside the bracket[]) how do i fix it?

elder hearth
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Hello someone help pls🥲

craggy elbow
elder hearth
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How do i make it sound it wouldn't fall under a fallacy

craggy elbow
elder hearth
flat sage
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fallacy is kind of like invalid @elder hearth @craggy elbow

elder hearth
ruby tapir
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Hello everyone, another writing task I wanna hear from you your thoughts and suggestions.

Topic: "When people succeed, it is because of hard work; luck has nothing to do with success. Do you agree or disagree? Why? Give specific reasons for your answer"

My original answer:
I don't think success comes exclusevily from hard work. Nevertheless, it's not everyone who works hard that achieve success. On my knowledge, there's hard work, opportunities and priviledge. The second one is the most important, because if someone doesn't take the right opportunities that surge in one's path, they probably won't achieve their goals. Priviledge is the one that not everyone has, so it's the less important, but it can facilitate the path to sucess. Work hard matters to everyone.
My answer corrected by ChatGPT 3.5:
I don't think success comes exclusively from hard work. Nevertheless, not everyone who works hard achieves success. In my understanding, there are three factors: hard work, opportunities, and privilege. Of these, opportunities are the most crucial, as if someone doesn't seize the right chances that come their way, they probably won't achieve their goals. Privilege is not accessible to everyone, making it the least important, but it can facilitate the path to success. Working hard matters for everyone.

frigid parcel
# ruby tapir Hello everyone, another writing task I wanna hear from you your thoughts and sug...

ChatGPT corrected your grammatical mistakes. But I think there's something else you missed: in the topic there's a mention of luck. You didn't develop that (unless you count "opportunities" as "luck" - but in my opinion it would be better to just name "luck" as it is, because then whoever examines your writing won't have doubts). So maybe you could add what role luck plays in achieving success, or if it plays it at all.

Can't help you much with the language because I'm not at such level 😅 but I hope you score well!

olive ravine
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March 08, 2024

To Whom It May Concern,

Please excuse my Daughter, Princess Mag-Atas Moriente, for being absent in her classes on March 08, 2024 because of severe cough .

I hope for your kind consideration. Thank you!

Sincerely yours,
Menchie Moriente

Mother

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Please edit this make it more better for reason I know im suck to making a letter for my sister

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hello?

heady nova
heady nova
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Here's a revised version of your letter---:

March 08, 2024

To Whom It May Concern,

I am writing to request your understanding and consideration regarding the absence of my daughter, Princess Mag-Atas Moriente, from her classes on March 08, 2024. Unfortunately, she was unable to attend due to a severe cough.

It is my earnest hope that you will excuse her absence and provide any necessary support to help her catch up on missed coursework. Your understanding in this matter is greatly appreciated.

Thank you for your attention to this request.

Sincerely,

Menchie Moriente

here you go. 🦋

olive ravine
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a sister

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The problem and its background Education is essential for elevating the socioeconomic status of individuals and enhancing their well-being. The ongoing advancements in technology have revolutionized the accessibility and effectiveness of education by providing vast amounts of information that can be leveraged to improve educational practices. An article written by Estrellado (2023) states that with the age of AI, it can sustain a high level of learning by providing new methods and strategies with the algorithm of emerging resources like adaptive learning, AI-driven systems, and learning analytics. With the introduction of Generative Artificial Intelligence (Generative AI) there is a huge technological advancement and a massive impact on the old education system. The integration of Generative AI in education has made a sharp turnover on how we approach education and learning today. This opens up new possibilities for adapting the instructions according to the individual needs of a student. Generative AI has a unique capability to produce text and provide responses by learning different outcomes. Our research aims to investigate how the use of Generative AI influences the Academic Performance of Grade 11 ICT Students at Dee Hwa Liong Academy.

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I need someone who can help me to revised some word to add some disvantage like negative Using AI will lead to less critical thinking and creativity

olive ravine
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this is a chapter one

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this is a pratical researcher for grade 11 proposal

dense jolt
#

Would anyone be patient enough to proof read my essay ? To put it in a nutshell, it revolves around ways in which people can use their free time effectively.

After having listened to a discussion on a podcast, the topic of leisure time activities has intrigued me as many people nowadays seem to feel disoriented as to how to make the best out of their scarce free time. Two distinct yet effective approaches would come in hand.

Firstly, learning practical skills not only serves as a means for numerous individuals across-the-board to unwind but it is also something that has significant impacts on one’s psyche. For instance, acquiring a foreign language gives a sense of fulfillment as well as a burning feeling of accomplishment. However, ultimately, language acquisition is undoubtedly an asset that allows one to stand out when it comes to applying for a position in the utmost competitive job market. Consequently, gaining practical skills widely broadens one’s horizons in diverse scales.

On the other hand, as somebody has stated in the discussion, indulging in physical activities is of paramount importance. Indeed, it is notorious for offsetting premature diseases as it has been documented by experts since the dawn of modern medicine. In addition, it also improves one’s overall life quality by enhancing their hormonal levels and reducing hormonal imbalance. Therefore, it entices people to avoid at all costs adopting a sedentary lifestyle which leads to detrimental results in the long run.

On account of the above-mentioned points, though both approaches would seemingly lead to fabulous outcomes, I would be in favor, due to its countless benefits on maintaining a healthy mind in a healthy body, of deeming physical activities as worth being shed light on.

flat sage
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Last sentence of the first paragraph: '...would come in hand.' Do you mean to say "handy".
Last sentence of the second paragraph: "one's" has the possessive apostrophe at the end, after the "s", as it is plural, "ones'".
In the first sentence of the third paragraph: as you are trying to be impartial to either side when making your suggestions and analysis in the body paragraph you could add "also" to: '...indulging in physical activities is also of paramount importance.'
You need more writing or "stuff" in you last paragraph because it doesn't make sense.

It's pretty good though and don't think it needs any changing really.

ruby tapir
limber frost
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Hello guys! I have written two pieces of writing in the mock test but it couldn't be checked yet. I'll appreciate it if you guys take a look at my works and assess them.

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Can I be allowed to send a screen shot?

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Please

limber frost
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It is a widely confirmed idea that spending some time in an English-speaking country can alleviate one's improvememt in terms of their language skills

First of all, a research study has shown that students who have been spent their lives in a foreign country for a while, would able to master the purposed language properly in a relatively short time. Taking this fact into consideration, spending some considerable time even in an English-speaking country proved a real benefit for those who intend to enhance their language skills.

Another factor to consider though, is that few people can afford themselves studying abroad for it costs a fortune. I have no doubt about the efficiency of studying abroad yet dispute the external factor whether it is kind of (I should have written on, I know) the wallet.

Thirdly, studying and living abroad in an English-speaking country definitely abounds with advantageous incomes involving the likelihood of gaining new acquintaces or being offered for a dream job and also offers the possibility to push the envelope and explore the world more profoundly.

All in all, all these mentioned above lead me to my conclusion that English learners could undoubtedly benefit from living abroad for some time.

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Finally, I managed to type it in! I hope you'll like it! ☺️

green river
# limber frost It is a widely confirmed idea that spending some time in an English-speaking cou...

Hey, thanks for sharing Tomi. I read through and did like your essay.
I'm not particularly qualified/educated to provide academic feedback but I did go ahead and make some notes regardless.
I think in this essay you are doing pretty well with things like academic tone, rich/varied vocabulary, and overall syntax variation.

in the first sentence/paragraph I think a different word than alleviate would make more sense, alleviate means to reduce the intensity of some problem or suffering which doesn't fit for an improvement of language skills since language skill improvement is a good thing;

in the second paragraph something to note is "proved a real benefit" would likely sound better as "proved to be a real benefit", and I think you meant despite where you put dispute. I do love the idea you had for how to structure that second sentence-- it shows, along with some of the other ideas you had here, that you have a strong academic mind for how to word/phrase things for impact

in the fourth I think that the phrase "living abroad ... abounds with advantageous incomes" is incorrect grammatically but I'm not totally sure why from a technical perspective so i had to look it up, and I still don't totally understand. hopefully someone more grammatically inclined than me can help with that bit haha. The fourth paragraph here is also a pretty long sentence so breaking up the ideas a bit more may help improve your scores on essays. Personally I feel that there's nothing wrong with a long sentence but i know sometimes english teachers will take points for sentences being too long.

Overall I really like the tone of the essay and that you picked a wide variety of words to use and varied the sentence structure/syntax well. Again i'm not an english teacher or major so feel free to take my words with a grain of salt

limber frost
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Thank you very much!!!

limber frost
limber frost
green river
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yes facilitate definately works there

limber frost
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Thanks you for you did it for me!

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You say long sentences ain't always appropriate.

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What is a syntax?😅

green river
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Syntax is like sentence structure, so varying syntax would just be starting on more varied parts of speech or phrases that are different instead of being too repetitive.

I went to the store. I bought groceries. I came home. I ate dinner. I went to bed.

Is not very syntactically varied for example

limber frost
#

There is another Writing waiting for you guys to check it.

green river
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Or like some people who write academically might develop habits like overusing words like however or rather

limber frost
limber frost
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Hi,

It's been a long time since our last chat was taking place! Therefore I am eager to meet you up in the (your would be better in this context, however I just copy the text) country when it can be arranged! I'll be coming soon!

Imagine, how thrilled was I when found out that my letter of application had been accepted! For now, I'm looking for a tiny premises or so where I can get on by. My preference is to find an apartment in time before I'll brake out from this country. I had been looking for one far and wide but I found those all so expensive. I know that you're into these kinds of dealings thus I'm hoping that you can find a proper flat for me.

As you know, I have always loved living in the fast lane so I would like you to search for a small distinct in the city centre. Do you think that would be affordable? Regardless, I feel so grateful that you'll arrange this for me. I mean, I'm so swamped for the time being and couldn't manage to find an adequate apartment without your aid.

All the best,
Tom.

green river
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in the beginning i think "since our last chat took place" is more correct, and "meet up with you" instead of "meet you up"

in the second "tiny premises or so" sounds strange because I don't think so can be used with or in that context. I know so and so is a saying but or so isn't I don't think. Also break instead of brake is the correct spelling of that word in that context.

The third paragraph doesn't have any errors as far as i can tell.

I like how the email has some clear personality and emotional tone that comes through. It does feel authentic in that regard. Syntax and vocab are definitely good for this email as well

limber frost
limber frost
green river
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haha break vs brake is a very common mistake that natives make all the time

limber frost
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In the summer, I'm going to visit the UK.

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Are you from there?

green river
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nice, no i'm from the united states

limber frost
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I'm looking forward to it!

limber frost
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An ocean split us.😆😔

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In your opinion, if I'm going to be careful not to make fundamental errors, could I get the grade A in Cambridge FCE?

green river
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I dont have familiarity with the grading systems unfortunately

limber frost
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In other words, are these two above C1 level?

green river
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im also not sure what constitutes a A1,B1,C1 level in that system

limber frost
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Sad.

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Thanks, anyway.

lofty parrot
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hi can any1 proof read my essay thx

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The quote “life is a gamble” is incredibly powerful and no song demonstrates this better than the song The Gambler by Don Schlitz. I think that through this song’s astounding use of literary features, it deserves a spot in the Western Literary Canon. The Western Literary Canon uses literature criteria like high cultural significance, music, philosophy, and pieces of art that are highly valued in the west. The artist of this song was undergoing a tough time due to his father passing, influencing the aspects of isolation and grief in certain lyrics of the song. This made the song - the gambler - in honour for his late father, outlining the grief he endured from the death. This song must be included in the western literary canon due to it being original, enduring, and having high amounts of critical recognition. This is evident in the way he narrates and reflects on his experience in the song, enhancing its authenticity. It has won a lot of awards including won the Grammy Award for Best Male Country Vocal Performance in 1980 and have been quoted in multiple forms of literature making is critically recognised. It also is very enduring as the advice that is given in the text still is very relevant and resonates with many people today.

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In this text, Originality is expressed to comply with one of the Western Literary Canon Criteria. This song is original by using features like timeless wisdom, this can be shown with the quote "Son, I've made a life / Out of readin' people's faces". This quote is related to how he can tell what type of person is by just reading their faces. This reinforces the theme as it gives life advice through poker metaphors. This text shows this criterion by using features using a narrative structure. This can be shown with the quote "And he began to speak / He said, ‘Son, I've made a life’". In this quote the narrator reflects on the advice that was given to him from the gambler. This text (compared to typical song lyrics) uses a different format which reinforces this theme. The text ‘The Gambler’ by Don Schlitz must be including in the Western Literary Criteria. This can be shown with the use of language features like timeless wisdom, narrative structure, and many more to introduce new ideas, themes and/or narrative techniques. Which in turn is evolving the literary forms and helps in the making of even better texts.

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The song the gambler by Don Schlitz will continue to endure and therefore must be in the western literary canon and will continue to show endurance in the years to come This song is enduring because it uses an extended metaphor in the form of a poker jargon. This jargon has a true meaning of telling the narrator when he should stop, negotiate, or make a change to something which is a core skill that everyone learns with experience. His song is a great example of this in use as this song gives advice that resonates and is relatable to many people, connecting people to this song. This can be seen by how the writer of this song uses foreshadowing language. This can be seen with this extended metaphor that is in the form of a quote “You’ve got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, know when to run.” This song is interoperated as poker jargon, its real meaning is much deeper. The writer is warning readers that they must know when they must stop, negotiate, or do something. This meaning can be used in multiple scenarios and is applicable to multiple types of people which makes this song enduring. The western literary cannon uses a criterion called endurance, this song ‘the gambler’ is also applicable for this criterion as the theme and ideas of the song is still applicable and relevant even today, so this song must be part of the western literary canon.

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Lastly this song using criteria that was featured in the western literary canon by using critical recognition . This song is critically recognised because of it having multiple awards and being quoted in many famous literatures. Some examples of this occurring are in forms of literature including films, tv shows and many conversations. When the song released it was very famous as it topped the charts for country music and won the Grammy Award for Best Male Country Vocal Performance in 1980. This was Kenny Roger’s most popular song and is a staple in his performances and biographies. On top of that there was a movie named “Kenny Rogers as The Gambler” which boosted the popularity of the song even more. This song had inspired many writers and theorists as it evokes themes like risk, choices and how unpredictable life is. ‘The Gambler’ by Kenny Rogers was an instant success, but continued to remain popular with many literary forms quoting it to this day and being a staple in Kenny Roger’s performance and biographies which means that this song was indeed very critically recognised and praised by critics’ scholars and experts for the depth and significance of this text.

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Overall, this song needs to be included in the western literary canon due it’s obviously being original, being critically recognised in a lot of forms of literature as well as standing the test of time which are all very important criteria for a piece to be part of the western literary canon. This song complies with these criteria by using extended metaphors to hide the hidden meaning of the song. This song is also very critically recognised because this song has won multiple awards and is mentioned in a lot of literature like tv shows, films and a lot of quotes in texts. This song is based on a topic that is still talked about today which means that it still stays relevant which is the last criteria out of many that I have talked about. Due to the song, “The Gambler” sharing a lot of principles with songs that are included in the western literary canon even doing somethings better than them.

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srry if it's a bit big, u can dm me back a word doc if u want with comments thx in advance

ruby tapir
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Topic
The expression "never give up" means to keep trying and never stop working toward your goals. Do you agree or disagree with this philosophy? Why? Give specific reasons for your answer.
My answer
I have multiple thoughts about this expression. To give up is only up to the person who is dealing with the specific challenge, and people from the outside don't have the right to judge if it's a good decision or not. At the same time, I think "never give up" is a great motivational sentence, but I guess I prefer the expression "just do it".
Any suggestions?

flat sage
supple vessel
golden sky
# lofty parrot Overall, this song needs to be included in the western literary canon due it’s o...

The quote “Life is a gamble” is incredibly powerful and no song demonstrates this better than the song, "The Gambler" by Don Schlitz. I think that through this song’s astounding use of literary features, it deserves a spot in the Western Literary Canon. The Western Literary Canon uses literature criteria like high cultural significance, music, philosophy, and pieces of art that are highly valued in the west.

The artist of this song was undergoing a tough time due to his father passing -- influencing the aspects of isolation and grief in certain lyrics of the song. He made the song, "The Gambler" in honour of his late father -- outlining the grief he endured from the death. This song must be included in the western literary canon due to it being original, enduring, and having high amounts of critical recognition. This is evident in the way he narrates and reflects on his experience in the song-- enhancing its authenticity.

In addition, the song won a lot of awards including the Grammy Award for Best Male Country Vocal Performance in 1980 and has been quoted in multiple forms of literature making it critically recognised. It is also very enduring as the advice that is given in the text is still very relevant and resonates with many people today.

PS. I'm still working on my English and writing skills but I hope the changes I made were of any help.

lofty parrot
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thx to every1 that helped

ruby tapir
neat pivot
atomic star
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I really liked the trick you did at the end

raw wind
ruby niche
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Hi can I get some stars and wishes on my grade 12 english assignment. It is focused on the feminist critique.

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While the film Mulan produced by Walt Disney seems to challenge misogynistic ideals by featuring a strong and independent female protagonist, an analysis through the lens of feminist criticism reveals problematic messages that are rooted in fixed gender roles and toxic masculinity.

To begin with, the film normalizes fixed gender roles by portraying a society where women are expected to adhere to traditional expectations of femininity and domesticity in order to bring honor to their families. This is exemplified when Mulan’s female relatives bathe and doll her up while singing “Bring Honor to Us All”, a song whose lyrics reinforce the notion that a woman’s value lies in her ability to conform to societal expectations of her appearance and behaviour. In particular, the lyrics, “We’re going to turn this sow’s ear into a silk purse,” objectify Mulan by reducing her to the status of mere objects as she is compared to these inanimate items. This also reinforces harmful stereotypes by perpetuating the idea that a woman’s worth is tied to her physical appearance since a silk purse is typically an object associated with femininity. For context, the saying, “You can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear,” was popular in the mid-1500s, translating to the idea that something ugly cannot be transformed into something attractive and of value (Dictionary.com). By incorporating this metaphor, unrealistic beauty standards are set which can be detrimental to a woman’s self-esteem as some — especially those who do not fit into these criterias depicted by the media — might internalize these unattainable ideals.

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This can lead to feelings of not being good enough and contribute to larger societal issues such as eating disorders. In fact, about 91% of women go on diets to attain their ideal body image because they are dissatisfied with their figure (DoSomething.org). This can also suggest that a woman’s ultimate goal is to conform to these unrealistic societal standards, undermining her other qualities and unjustly limiting her potential. Furthermore, the relatives encourage harmful stereotypes and objectify women by singing “Men want girls with good taste, calm, obedient, who work fast-paced, with good breeding and a tiny waist… a girl by bearing sons”. This thought process is catered to the male gaze as these patriarchal expectations for women stem from social norms influenced by male preference. As a result, a woman’s worth is then reduced to her physical appearance and ability to fulfill traditional gender roles, such as “bearing sons”. This is problematic as this narrow view of these stereotypical gender norms disregards a woman’s intellect and skills. Ironically, Mulan’s matchmaker contradicts her family, claiming that she is “too skinny”, further illustrating the unattainable standards set by society where women are constantly pressured to meet these expectations, regardless of their conflicting natures. Moreover, the fact that the relatives are all female presents the stereotype that women are inherently suited for these caretaking roles, thereby limiting their potential to their ability to adhere to these fixed gender roles.

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As well, through the repeated use of the title, “Bring Honor to Us All”, reinforces the idea that a woman’s worth is tied to her ability to conform to these stereotypical roles, otherwise, she would “dishonor” the family. For example, the lyrics “A girl can bring her family great honor in one way by striking a good match” further confirms that Mulan’s family believes in this misogynistic ideal where a girl can only bring honor to their family through marriage. Consequently, this confines a woman’s worth to her marital status rather than her individuality, restricting their opportunities. Finally, in the song “A Girl Worth Fighting For”, the soldiers express their desires for a wife with certain characteristics. For instance, one soldier sings “I want her paler than the moon, with eyes that shine like stars”. Another soldier then sings “I couldn’t care less what she’ll wear, or what she looks like”, which seems to be a good improvement, but this is followed by “It all depends on what she cooks like beef, pork, chicken, mmh”. This is problematic as both of these traits objectify women based on their physical appearance and domestic abilities. Subsequently, when Mulan (disguised as a man) attempts to challenge these ideals by singing “Uh, how ‘bout a girl who’s got a brain who always speaks her mind?”, she is immediately dismissed. This, again, highlights the limitations of acceptable women’s behaviour determined by the patriarchy ingrained in society. Ultimately these fixed gender roles unfairly dictate a woman’s worth by her marital status, physical appearance, and domestic skills, which when especially targeting a younger audience, can lead to viewers internalizing these harmful messages.

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Male toxicity is displayed by Mulan’s father’s eagerness to fulfill the Emperor’s orders in pursuit of honor, despite his age and leg injury sustained from previously serving in the army. These expectations that stem from patriarchal ideals depict toxic masculinity as he is simply determined to prove his strength, which undoubtedly leads him to prioritize these social standards over his life. Mulan then challenges these traditional expectations by going against patriarchal norms as she begs her father not to go but this only exemplifies toxic masculinity as the messenger replies, “Silence! You will teach your daughter to hold her tongue in a man’s presence”. This reinforces the idea that women should be submissive and silent in the presence of men, which is problematic because an unequal power dynamic that perpetuates inequality is then solidified. It also implies that women’s voices and opinions are worth less than those of men, and in this case, Mulan is quite literally being silenced from her freedom of speech. Additionally, the song “I’ll Make a Man Out of You” promotes the idea that men should strictly possess traditionally masculine traits.

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For instance, when repeating “I’ll make a man out of you”, the male protagonist, Li Shang, uses the word “man” to symbolize the stereotypical masculine traits that the soldiers lack, such as strength. The lyrics, “Did they send me daughter when I asked for sons” further exemplify toxic masculinity because he essentially refers to the soldiers as girls due to their lack of training, insinuating that men are superior to women. This is not only problematic for women as it suggests that they are weak and undermines their capabilities, but it is also detrimental to the mental health of men. It reinforces the idea that men must suppress the “feminine” aspects of their personality and restricts them to society’s narrow definition of masculinity. In reality, this pressure to conform to these expectations can prevent men from seeking help when needed as they must maintain this image of their strength. According to Mission Harbor, more than 30% of men will develop depression at some point in their lives and in 2018, the suicide rate for men was 3.56 times higher than that of women (Dekin). This shows the need to challenge these patriarchal norms for the well-being of all individuals to create an inclusive society that does not limit opportunities and expression based on gender. While all of this can be interpreted as the film simply highlighting these problematic messages, Mulan’s response proves otherwise. Instead of challenging these misogynistic ideals, she further conforms to them by disguising herself as a man and waking up earlier than everyone else just to meet the commander’s toxic standards.

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She later proves to be one of Shang’s best soldiers and while this shows that women are just as capable as men, she is immediately devalued when her true identity is revealed. To make matters worse, as if agreeing that she did something wrong, Mulan simply begs for their understanding and forgiveness. Her neglect to challenge their misogynistic views despite her exceptional performance as a soldier reinforces the message that women are inferior to men. This contributes to toxic masculinity which supports the belief that men should always assert dominance and control while women must remain submissive. Besides harming women by perpetuating gender inequality, men are also affected as encouraging these unrealistic and damaging gender stereotypes can lead to larger issues such as suppressing emotions.

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Furthermore, near the end of the film, three soldiers that Mulan befriends dress up as “perfect brides” to break into the palace which the Huns are guarding to save the Emperor. Toxic masculinity is highlighted in this scene as the Huns underestimate the disguised soldiers, believing that they are harmless. This perpetuates a toxic mindset that women are inferior to men, despite all of Mulan’s accomplishments in the army as a female leader. While filmmakers probably intended for this scene to be humorous, it ultimately reinforces the harmful stereotypes about women’s appearance and capabilities and contributes to a power imbalance between genders. Then, following the country’s victory against the Huns, the Emperor awards Mulan with a sword but she declines the offer of a position on the Emperor’s Council for her heroic contributions. She then returns home to find Li Shang waiting for her and her family delightfully invites him in for dinner. The fact that he never apologizes or even acknowledges his previous mistreatment towards her shows society’s expectations for women to prioritize the desires of men at the expense of their own dignity. Shang’s actions are simply mistakes and it is implied that Mulan, as a woman, should forgive him. This is problematic as it normalizes toxic masculinity in a patriarchal society, where men have more power and therefore are not held accountable for their actions while women are expected to endure their maltreatment without question.

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This can lead to an imbalance that can potentially result in forms of domestic abuse. In reality, a study revealed that men are more likely to commit acts of violence against women if they support very patriarchal norms (Focus for Health). These harmful impacts ingrained in power imbalance normalizes toxic masculinity where men are excused from being held accountable, resulting in an environment where women are expected to silently endure maltreatment. Lastly, if the filmmakers truly intended on creating an inspiring movie portraying an independent woman, Mulan’s decision to decline the Emperor’s offer and reunite with Li Shang raises significant concerns. Not only does this ending overshadow her efforts to promote equality, but it also reinforces the idea that a woman’s ultimate success is determined by finding a partner. Moreover, based on other Disney princess films, the implication of her romantic relationship with him at the end of the film suggests that she may end up conforming to societal expectations and honor her family by embracing her roles as a wife. This is problematic as instead of celebrating her personal achievements, Mulan’s happiness seems to depend on her romantic relationship — which was practically non-existent to begin with throughout the entire film. Overall, it implies that a woman still needs a man for fulfillment, stripping her of her autonomy. Rather, Mulan accepting the Emperor’s offer to continue contributing towards societal progress would have been a more fitting “happy ending” to showcase the message of female empowerment through her independence as a woman.

atomic star
atomic star
wheat yarrow
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can someone proofread a translation I have for tomorrow?

heady nova
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guys does somebody know where i can find good articles for improving my reading and understanding skills in business english?

atomic star
wheat yarrow
zealous pasture
spark vector
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I really want to learn the shortcuts in writing in the English language

heady nova
peak sand
zealous pasture
long fog
atomic star
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It was amazing!

heady nova
zealous pasture
hexed igloo
zealous pasture
upbeat parrot
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HELLO

#

🧅

upbeat parrot
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😫 Cry

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So cute

atomic star
zealous pasture
obsidian zinc
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Can anyone please help proofread my essay? Also, any suggestions to improve it further would definitely be appreciated
Need it asap :3

heady nova
atomic star
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But we should probably keep to English

chrome holly
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Can some1 rate my introduction paragraph?

I’m currently in 9th grade 🌝

The novel 1984 by George Orwell is a novel that shows examples of totalitarianism and controlling governments. The book includes many themes of manipulation, control, hope, and fear among the society of Oceania. The main character Winston goes through a trial of monitoring, toxic relationships, and torture throughout the story. In 1984, the main government body called “The Party” used manipulation and fear against their citizens for obedience by using destructive relationships, constant monitization, and torture

flat sage
chrome holly
queen wedge
chrome holly
queen wedge
chrome holly
queen wedge
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Im not rlly good at essays but i think it's a really good paragraph but there's some things id change (btw im also in gr. 9)

chrome holly
queen wedge
chrome holly
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Is there anything else?

queen wedge
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I would probably add a more definitive thesis statement

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I probably sound so rude rn and im probably not being helpful at all 😭

queen wedge
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"War is peace. Freedom is slavery. Ignorance is strength." These iconic words of George Orwell's 1984 shout periodically throughout the novel, summing up the totalitarian world its citizens live in.

queen wedge
queen wedge
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"The main character Winston goes through a trial of monitoring, toxic relationships, and torture throughout the story. In 1984, the main government body called “The Party” used manipulation and fear against their citizens for obedience by using destructive relationships, constant monitization, and torture "

This part imo should go before "..."The book includes" as it's kind of an explanation to what's happening in 1984 (background info.) which builds up to your thesis statement

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Also, I absolutely love ur paragraph!! like especially how u provide supporting info and background info. but you do list 4 times in your paragraph, and i would try to avoid that

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You could include more background information to kind of sneak the lists in there or rephrase them

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Ive barely written any essays in my life but I hope this helps!! ty!!

chrome holly
queen wedge
heady nova
keen gyro
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    In killing Duncan, Macbeth attempts to increase his masculinity via brutality and ruthlessness, yet in return he loses all his honor, morals, and becomes washed with grief.
    These traits of fake masculinity extend to Macbeth’s foes too, Macduff allowing his fight with Macbeth precedence over his own family, and Young Siward dying to prove his manhood. 
    Banquo’s steadfast honor and courage contrasts that of both Macduff and Macbeth, showing confidence in his own manhood. 
``` can someone verify grammar and flow
atomic star
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Probably wouldn’t say that young Siward died proving his manhood, id replace it with masculinity. Manhood is sometimes used to refer to male genitalia which is what it comes across as there

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Would also change the last word to masculinity for the same reason

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@keen gyro

keen gyro
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🙏 thanks

atomic star
keen gyro
atomic star
keen gyro
atomic star
keen gyro
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all of the caretaker albums are based around dementia i think

wind delta
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I heard someone in the channel talking about 1984,so i would like to add a little my personal views
1.It is very strange that even in PRC,among my classmate and teachers,the mainstream of the understanding of the book is that Owell is telling a ideological anticommunism story,the feeling intensitfied due to the history of china,frankly speaking,baesd the misread of Great Cultural Revolution.
2.But i deem that Owell isn't having a criticism to any ideology,he just give us a caution which shows his worry about a harsh living condition under the abuse of modernity,which totally rewrite both philosophical and Physiological existence.After all,it is impossible for the party,To use the CCTV or other technology to monitor its people,and it is also impossible fot the party to mobilize and dwarf the body into just a machine.

keen gyro
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His decision was instead made to seem more manly, as only when his manliness gets questioned by Lady Macbeth, “When you durst do it, then you were a man; / And to be more than what you were, you would / Be so much more the man.” (1.7 54-56), does he finally agree to commit regicide, “I am settled, and bend up” (1.7 89). can someone verify the grammar of this sentence?

wind delta
keen gyro
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@atomic star @queen wedge 🙏 please?

atomic star
keen gyro
atomic star
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You have too many commas. For example:
“Be so much more the man.” (1.7 54-56) Does he…”

You don’t need a comma after the page number and should then capitalise the D.

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I don’t consider myself a master of punctuation by any means. Still get someone else’s opinion

velvet tree
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is proofreading all about correct use of punctuation?

queen wedge
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a big part of proofreading is making sure you have proper punctuation but imo, it's also important to make sure that your writing fits what your audience, the type of piece you're writing, the topic, etc. so that means correctly following a type of writing piece's format, or being descriptive (or the opposite, having concise and crisp writing like in a report)! and editing so it better fits the topic, audience, etc!

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editing and writing is my favourite part about english bc u can communicate ideas and stuff

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its nice but i personally dont like the linguistic/historical side of english

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this is what i like!! proofreading, writing about things that matter to me, sharing ideas w/ the world, etc.

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but that's 90% of the time bc im forced to by school 😭

pliant flower
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can anyone tell me how i can 'draw out the tension' in my imaginative piece? i was told to use imagery throughout the story and write about a character's trauma with religion. im in year 11 if that explains a bit ;;

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The twist of the doorknob was followed by a screech from the door, slowly letting the warm-toned light from the hallway fill the dark room. Charlotte’s eyes scanned around her bedroom like it was an unfamiliar site, her gaze stopping on the Bible left open on her bedside table. To others, the Bible would be the foundation of their lives, teaching them to strengthen their faith in God and keep their hearts pure. But to Charlotte, the Bible was the reason behind the burning–choking sensation that clawed at the back of her throat, the reason behind the nights she’d spend sobbing away under her covers, using it as a shield to protect herself from judgment.

Charlotte’s heart sunk further with each step she took closer to her bed, the steps syncing with the throbbing beat in her ears. The floral-patterned pillows and blankets contrasted with the ugly feelings that washed over her once she sat down. Too afraid to turn on her lamp, she only allowed the warm light from the hallway to cast faint shadows on her walls–finding comfort in the dark that hid her away. She fidgeted with the rosary hanging from her neck, a whispered prayer escaping her lips after pinching each silver bead, prayers engraved word-for-word into her mind from when she was a child. Her jittery hands reached out to the Bible on her bedside at last, flicking through the pages with colour-coded tabs and annotations for every passage. She stopped at a page with no annotations save for a line going through a verse with red ink.

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“But as for the cowardly, the faithless, the detestable, as for murderers, the sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars, their portion will be in the lake that burns with fire and sulfur, which is the second death.”
– Revelations 21:8

A verse that had seared itself into her mind since the first time she read it. Charlotte had questioned why the faithless would suffer the same fate as murderers, but instead of receiving a fulfilling answer–her smooth porcelain face was met with a bruising slap from her mother, accusing her of disrespecting God’s word. The bruise on her face healed but the wound on her soul was left unattended, festering until it was a swollen cut oozing with hatred and distaste for religion. It was from then where she would be bouncing her leg frantically or pinching the skin on the back of her hand in church, only stopping when her mother gave her a look filled with vexation. The preacher would tell everyone to close their eyes and pray in unison, but Charlotte’s eyes would be open–watching the people around her frozen in place like statues in a museum. She’d focus on her mother, focusing on how content she looked with her hands squeezed together in front of her face. The only time she seemed at peace was when she was worshiping.

How come something no one can see, hear, nor touch bring so much joy and comfort to her mother?

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The thought pulled Charlotte away from her memories and back into her room, the rosary that rested on her collarbones now felt like a noose holding her up, leaving her lungs fighting for air. No–no, she told herself, even questioning if God is real is blasphemous, a huge sin. A huge sin. The three words always paired with her mother’s voice echoed in the room that felt as unnerving and cold as a cavern. Charlotte knew this was a sign for her to repent, for her to kneel on the rough carpet and feel the harsh fibers poking at her bare knees, for her to clasp her hands together tightly–so tight that the nails from one hand dug into the skin of the other. But nothing left her quivering lips save for a soft whimper that erupted into a sob seconds later, her breath hitched and chest heaved as tears streamed down her cheeks to her chin.

Charlotte grasped at her rosary and pulled at the chain til it broke apart, the silver beads dropping to the floor and scattering across the carpet like shards from a shattered mirror, each shiny ball harboring a piece of the resentment she held. With dry eyes and shallow breaths, she leaned against her bed–wondering if she feared God more or her mother.

native crane
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Lemme read this and then I'll get back to you!

pliant flower
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thank you!!

native crane
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this is...beautiful. The buildup, followed by the breathtaking tension, and then the snap. It wasn't a release. It was a snap. Sorry, but I can't help you. In my eyes, you've already mastered tension. Maybe someone else can give you more helpful feedback

pliant flower
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oh my 😭 thank u so much

reef briar
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yeah, id agree. it is really well-put together and the vocabulary is really outlining every feeling of every scene

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mustve been difficult to make it so good, like the words describe every moment so well that it makes my brain visualize it. Visualize it as if i were watching a movie

brazen hornet
pliant flower
#

thank u guys 💕💕

pliant flower
viral hollow
#

Paid Stuff.

Hi guys i am looking for someone to do voiceover for videos - ( amercian style accent is must )

DM me your cost and sample...

brazen hornet
stark whale
viral hollow
stark whale
cedar silo
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hi

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how are you there

heady nova
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oh my lord

wanton cloud
#

hey Guys can you tell me which Level would this essay be regarding the topic and a 250 words round off limit

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Topic: In some countries, Private Cars are now banned from certain city centers.
What are the advantages if such a system and do you feel that this is something that most cities should adopt.
:::: Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.::
So let’s start with why the need for the ban was implemented in the first place, after that I’ll describe why such advantage of such system being implemented in city centers are advantageous. Now most if not all know that city centers are a hub that connects a group of people together whether it’d be Malls, Bazars, Street markets, or open street entertainments. This is an area where people often need to walk in clusters of group, where children run around freely as such when car drivers, forget about the armatures even the experienced drives where beginning to cause unintentional accidents the need to ban private cars or any cars entering such areas raised.
So we can say that banning the entry of vehicles in such areas not only was advantageous but it had also become something necessary to be enforced. This solution had done wonders and it had caused massive drop in injuries and accidents overall since vehicles where one of the main reasons for accidents and injuries. This has also allowed the Centers to grow in such a way that it can house more people in its vicinity as well as provide a safe environment for people coming here to spend time and such. Business in centers had a rise in their profit, opportunities for more shop and buildings found in centers to open, safe to say that it was one of the good decision design taken by the government body. The best that I can say from my experience is that things about such areas are the food courts as well, it’s like a massive sitting surrounded by restaurants that serve you in the open field and this is something I like about it, but all things considered I think this decision was all but not advantageous.

civic monolith
# wanton cloud Topic: In some countries, Private Cars are now banned from certain city centers....

Thanks for sending over your essay! I read through it, and I gotta say, you've got some solid points there. Banning private cars in city centers seems like a smart move for a bunch of reasons. Safety's a biggie, right? It's cool to see how it's making things safer and easier for people to get around without worrying about accidents.
Your bit about the food courts was spot-on! Those places are always a hit, and it's nice to have a chill spot to hang out.
Overall, you've made a convincing argument for why this ban could be a good thing for cities. Maybe next time, you could throw in a few thoughts about any potential drawbacks or other perspectives to round out your essay... Keep it up dear 😊.

wanton cloud
civic monolith
wanton cloud
#

@frosty ferry

#

Thanks in advance.

stiff terrace
#

Hello, im studying for a IELTS test that i'm going to take on the 11th, im practicing my writing skills, can someone help me by reading my essay and giving me a feedback?

last glade
stiff terrace
#

the guy who anwered disappeared

unique summit
dense plover
solid flare
#

Hello, I have a question for everyone: is there anyone here who can help me improve my skills in grammatical writing and sentence construction in English?

maiden rivet
#

Hello everyone

hollow berry
#

I shall cast a brand new question that no one has seen before that actually is #📝｜proofreading:
in the attached file is my attempt at writing and making an examination booklet. you must download to read this file, as I cannot convey formatting in any other way.
please answer any, or all, of the following questions:

  1. does the formatting look good and professional to you?
  2. do the questions look good to you?
  3. how would you reword anything in the booklet? state clearly what you want changed and why. do note that although it's meant to be formal, there are casual touches to make writing it better. :)
📎 Eloquent_Examination.pdf
stark whale
#

In general directions point 1, "you may not recive assistance" would be better (wording used in the official ACT and AP tests)
In information for this section point 12, you spelled out 4 instead of adding it in a parenthisis.
Other formatting looks good at a basic glance, haven't finished yet.

#

On part one I feel "lacking" is a poor choice of words. "Other" or simply "N/A" would suffice.

#

Part 2, question 12, implies there is more than one word misspelled. But given it is a single-answer multiple choice question it should be "Which English word below is misspelled?" Otherwise there needs to be a "select all that apply" statement after the question.

#

Same for part 2 question 15

#

In the part 3 table, "Question" is not properly formatted. Needs to be bolded like "Answer"

#

Actually same for part one's table.

#

Part 4 makes more sense if it's just labeled as "Matching" multiple choice is a bit redundant and also implied

#

In part 4 instructions there's the number consistency error again.

stark whale
#

There's a spacing error with the parenthisis in question 43.

#

I just don't understand question 45

#

In part 5 I feel like some of the boxes aren't properly capitalized? I could be wrong but I feel it should look more consistent.

#

I think that's all, but there could be more I missed.

hollow berry
hollow berry
hollow berry
hollow berry
hollow berry
#

question 43 partially accepted; internal style guide requires that space to be inside () as it is an optional note, but I didn't do so in question 15

hollow berry
hollow berry
hollow berry
wanton cloud
#

this is some actual proofreading shi

stark whale
#

Yep, that's the point.
Though criteria for proper grammar in professional tests and the like differs from place to place.
I can only go off of what's accepted in my area as proper, so not all of my corrections are necessary/universally accepted.

hollow berry
#

and, like, there is an actual feedback-response cycle here!

hollow berry
stark temple
brazen hornet
hollow berry
#

😳

chrome holly
#

Some1 pls proof read this it’s very long 😭

stark whale
hollow berry
chrome holly
#

Ok I fixed it

unreal void
versed ridge
#

Nice!!!

unreal void
olive ravine
# 
Question two:What do you think about Generative AI affects on ICT-Student to improve the studys and get achive for academic performance 
Question three Can you share your additional thoughts or comments concert about the use of Generative AI for Academic performance in ICT-Student```
#

This is uh researcher survey qualitative for chapter 3 please fix it if there's something wrong try to understand and analyze and make it better

#

please

dry atlas
dry atlas
#

A few things to keep note of: the first one would be to use what is known as subject-verb agreement. This means that the subject has to agree with the verb, in the first question you had forgotten to make the subject plural.

The second one would be choice of words, I feel that the second question is merely verbose; in that you had written more words than needed. For example, you used two verbs which had meant almost the same thing; had it been one, then you would have been good to go. Additionally, you had mistaken the verb ‘affect’ for the noun, ‘effect’. Affect would be the verb here, and effect would be noun corresponding noun. In this case, you would use ‘effect’ as you had been writing about its effects on ICT-Students

The third one is better in this regard, except that you had written a word which had not belonged there. The word ‘concert’ only holds one meaning, which is a music performance that is held in public. I think what you had meant to write, was ‘concerning’.

#

If anyone else has an opinion that they would like to share, feel free to share it.

hollow berry
dry atlas
#

For example, question 1 is 1, question 2 is 2, and question 3 is 3

hollow berry
hollow berry
dry atlas
hollow berry
#

a

true iron
tawdry dawn
#

𝙏𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙞𝙨 𝙜𝙤𝙣𝙣𝙖 𝙗𝙚 𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙤𝙛 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙗𝙚𝙨𝙩 𝙥𝙤𝙚𝙢𝙨 𝙄 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙬𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙩𝙚𝙣, 𝙄 𝙬𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙚𝙡𝙡 𝙢𝙚 𝙖𝙗𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙤𝙥𝙞𝙣𝙞𝙤𝙣
In the silent echos of a restless heart's beat,
Lies a soul draped in twilight, subtly discreet.
Chained by shadows, its whispers are keen—
Dreaming of dawn's light, pure and pristine.

Breaths weave a dance, a delicate thread of time,
In an elegant waltz with destiny, silent and sublime.
Each pulse of the heart, a drumbeat of hope deferred,
A symphony sweetly longing to be heard.

To be ensnared, yet to shatter the stifling binds,
A paradox cradled in the deepest folds of minds.
Eager for the hour when barriers dissolve to mist,
Stepping boldly forth, by liberating sunlight kissed.

Within this cocoon of longing and latent might,
Where dreams sculpt the shadows of the night,
Resides a force, quietly sovereign, unseen—
The vigor to ascend where few have been.

Freedom blooms wild in these confines obscure,
Rooted in darkness, its blossom sure.
Here, in the quietude of constrained flight,
A soul learns to soar, bathed in liberating light.

Breaking free from more than iron and stone,
Conquering fears deeply ingrained and alone.
This flame, nurtured under adversity's dome,
Finds in freedom’s embrace its truest home.

hollow berry
#

someone who could write "Lies a soul draped in twilight" would absolutely not make the mistake of "I would like to you to tell me"

tawdry dawn
grim atlas
#

looking for someone who is preparing for IELTS test, please dm

heady nova
#

How can I improve my English writing skills??

turbid musk
#

.

#

Hi all

real robin
# 
"Ah, Mr. Kuznitsov, I have been waiting for you. But, so did you friend here, Mr. Quietov. Truly a shame, is it not?" his smile grotesquely widens as he finishes his statement, and Kuznitsov looking into his eyes notices an eerie fact – the man, he does not blink, not even once.```

If anyone would give me their thoughts on this passage, it's a part of my novella, a short story I am writing, and this scene is immensely important, and I'd like some feedback. Has it stirred anything within you as you read it?
olive ravine
# 
1. Are you familiar with Generative AI technology?

2. How do you think Generative AI can help ICT students enhance their study habits and academic performance?

3. Could you please provide any more ideas or comments about Generative AI's impact on academic achievement among ICT students?

4.How familiar are you with Generative AI technology?

5.Have you used Generative AI techniques in academic circumstances?

6.How likely are you to recommend generative AI technologies to other students for academic purposes?

7.How do you suppose Generative AI affects ICT students' academic performance?

8.In your opinion, what are the primary advantages of adopting Generative AI in academic studies?

9.Should instructors give instruction on how to utilize Generative AI technologies effectively for academic purposes?

10. How do you think more ICT students are comfortable utilizing Generative AI to improve academic performance?```
#

this is my mistake so i thought that question have a multiple choice

#

but its qualitative

#

can you guys make it qualitative questioner

ebon star
#

Tips for Better Handwriting

  1. Tools Matter: Invest in quality pens and paper.
  2. Practice Consistently: Daily practice makes perfect.
  3. Focus on Letter Form: Pay attention to shape and size.
  4. Keep Size Uniform: Consistency is key.
  5. Mind Your Spacing: Maintain even spacing between letters and words.
  6. Experiment with Style: Find a handwriting style that suits you.
  7. Watch Your Pressure: Adjust pen pressure for smooth lines.
  8. Be Patient: Improvement takes time and effort.
  9. Find Inspiration: Learn from examples of beautiful handwriting.
  10. Use Guidelines: Lined paper or guidelines can help with spacing.
  11. Take Breaks: Avoid hand fatigue by taking breaks.
  12. Review and Reflect: Monitor progress and adjust practice accordingly.
flat sage
#
  1. Take it slow: Don't try to rush for faster results. Focussing on each letter individually will get you better handwriting faster than if you try to rush it.
olive ravine
olive ravine
#

make it numbers @arctic jolt

hollow berry
gusty vector
#

I need teacher English

stark whale
faint coral
#

sadly i can't

hollow berry
#

you can qualify to be one-

gusty vector
queen wedge
#

"We the People" is the opening message of the United States' Constitution, written more than two hundred years ago, when democracy was a dull candle in the world; but it is clear now, two hundred years later that these words express the importance of democracy, and how democracy is the best system for government and the world. In particular, democracy increases quality of life because it encourages respect for human freedoms and rights. Consider Canada for example, with its Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms, that makes it a humanitarian sovereign. Notably too, the essence of democracies are based on people's decisions, and people's opinions; this harbours equity and a more inclusive society. Yet even with these assets, there are concerns on a tyrannical majority; however, in a fair democracy it would be very unlikely, and accountability and transparency—contributors to national stability—decrease the likelihood even more. One may consider the words of the United States' Constitution, "We the People", again, and wonder: what was it that made it so formidable; what was it that made those words last more than two hundred years and encompass the world? It was because "We the People" was embedded in the heart of democracy, the best system for government, and the route to prosperity.

ruby echo
#

Ummm

queen wedge
#

Any recommendations I consider 100%

ruby echo
#

I would change a bit the use of words (if you give me permission I can edit it). It would be better to break into at least two paragraphs and also I would add some contrapoints because it seems more propaganda then an essay

#

You only discuss the ideal good democracy, you need to consider material reality

#

For example

#

Define democracy

#

And then question if it really is applicable

queen wedge
#

I can only write a paragraph

ruby echo
#

Oh god

queen wedge
#

So I tried to put as much in but ofc I still had to leave out a lot

ruby echo
#

Yeah, now I understand

queen wedge
queen wedge
#

Do you see it as propaganda though- 😭

ruby echo
#

A good one to add in the ideal democracy is if people actually care about their vote, they’d educate themselves about politics. When don’t, they get influenced by what comes to them: political propaganda. And whoever has the more money to make a good campaign would win, regardless of their actual material aspirations for government

#

And people also vote for politicians’s persona rather then a political party but anyway

queen wedge
#

And in an essay I’d include it

#

But what could I edit it to really make it clear and make my point clear

ruby echo
queen wedge
#

I’m not trying to have a middle ground (which is dumb) but just prove that democracy is the best

queen wedge
#

So I’m not sure

#

the US is a lot more pro-democratic so that’s why. I went with that

#

And not Ancient Greece (which has examples of tyrannical majority)

#

Like Socrates beinf executed

#

Being

#

Or Pythagoras chased and he died somehow idk

ruby echo
#

Like everyone

#

And Plato criticized it because dumb people had influence lmao

#

Which is a good argument

queen wedge
#

It was actually less open

#

The great democratic amphitheatre was for men

#

Not women

#

And for those who had land

#

And some aspects of Athenian democracy lacked the sophistications possible today

ruby echo
#

Oh yeah, great point

#

Women and foreign weren’t even consider citizens

queen wedge
#

And the development of idk what was bad about democracy and what needed adjusting

#

BUT I CANt include that bc of my dumb teacher

#

One paragraph long 😭

queen wedge
ruby echo
#

Holy sh1t

queen wedge
#

They had to go to the United Kingdom which had our highest court of appeals at the time

ruby echo
#

That’s crazy

queen wedge
# ruby echo Holy sh1t

YES and canada is usually considered an example of good democracy/humanitarian democracies idk

queen wedge
#

It was ridiculous 😭

#

You know a lot about history wow

ruby echo
#

I really know nothing about Canada, how crazy is that

ruby echo
#

I wish

queen wedge
ruby echo
#

Back to your essay, I read it again and after we discussed it, I think it’s great except for a part: you’re talking about an idealistic version of the US.
I mean, it’s polarized as hell

#

I really can’t view the US as this freeland

stark whale
#

Oh I like discussions about countries people don't live in
They're funny coffee

queen wedge
#

That breaks my heart

#

Because the main point is that im writing about why democracy is the best form of government

#

And not an idealistic version of the U.S.

#

But I just used the "We the People" as a reference/hook and as a concluding sentence

#

If it were an essay id have a transition sentence replacing that, or another sentence, or have rewritten it altogether to fit the context of an essay

queen wedge
#

But I do think democracy is the best form of government

stark whale
#

Except the US isn't just a democracy? It's actually a democratic republic. Similar, but not quite the same.

queen wedge
#

just referring to democratic systems/"democracies" in general

#

Not a specific form of democracy e.g., a democratic republic, a democratic constitutional monarchy, a direct democracy, whatever)

#

Like Emma said, I probably should clarify what I exactly mean by democracy (and maybe i shouldve in my argumentative paragraph, ill actually double check oops-)

#

Ohhh actually, talking about democracy,

#

For another course last semester, i went on a yapping run on democracy

#

it was "Evaluating Canadian Governance on Mars"

#

Omg it''s 10:41 p.m. and i yap too much 👄 👀 Ty again @ruby echo !!

ruby echo
ruby echo
fervent valve
#

this is the intro paragraph to an essay:
People treat their ethnic and spiritual cultures differently in today’s society. Some people choose to embrace it as a deep part of their identity, while others choose to reject it instead. Through comparing Hazel LeSage from Anna Marie Sewell’s novel Humane and Ella Ellis from Zoe Leigh Hopkins’ film Kayak To Klemtu, Indigenous culture involving environment, families and identities are explored. First, Hazel describes her town Amiskwaciy in a poor light while Klemtu is the complete opposite, showing two different sides of an Indigenous environment. Second, both characters have deceased relatives who introduced them to their culture which shaped their perspectives positively or negatively, showing how family can alter one’s perception of their background. Additionally, Hazel and Ella’s personal relationships and thoughts about Indigenous culture vary, showing how upbringing can affect heritage. Both characters’ circumstances provide insight into the positive and negative aspects of Indigenous heritage.

#

is my thesis statement clear and specific enough

#

my original thesis statement was "Through comparing Hazel LeSage from Anna Marie Sewell’s novel Humane, and Ella from Zoe Leigh Hopkins’ movie Kayak To Klemtu, a better understanding of Indigenous people and their issues can be addressed." but my teacher said it wasn't specific enough and too broad

hollow berry
#

the problems indeed were "what are the issues and what things can be understood better"
I think the new intro, though long, achieved that better

fervent valve
#

alr ty

crystal saddle
queen wedge
half bone
half bone
fervent valve
#

whys that

queen wedge
#

It may change a little depending on your teacher, but when a reader looks at your thesis sentence, they should immediately understand what your whole essay is about and the main points (paragraphs) that will follow.

#

I find it very irritating to write thesis sentences because I love to write entertainingly, and the thesis sentence rarely lets me do that.

#

However, it makes it easier for your audience.

queen wedge
#

I can see that the last sentence kind of wraps up your introduction, but it doesn't summarise your main points, which is what your thesis sentence should do.

#

But wow, other than that, it's an amazing introduction.

fervent valve
#

Through comparing Hazel LeSage from Anna Marie Sewell’s novel Humane and Ella Ellis from Zoe Leigh Hopkins’ film Kayak To Klemtu, Indigenous culture involving environment, families and identities are explored

#

that was the thesis

queen wedge
#

It's a good thesis,

#

Although (unless you're combining families and identities), you should use the Oxford comma.

#

Your thesis should also usually be your last sentence or second last if you decide to have a short transition sentence.

#

That may make your introduction less fluid, but you could add or change some transition words.

queen wedge
hollow berry
#

0:

verbal spear
#

@plain dome

plain dome
#

Alright.

#

It seems I cant send files here

#

Let me know what you think and where I can improve 🙂

# 

The stage was set. As I entered the stage I found myself in a spotlight. I could feel the gaze of so many on me. It was probably because I was the only one wearing photo-chromatic lenses. As I moved forward I felt a huge pressure on my shoulder. In the crowd of so many, I looked for some familiar faces. As I scanned thoroughly, I found my friends and tried to rush towards them. I believed this would be the only way to nullify this unbearable burden of being watched by so many. And, it did. 
# 

Having my foot in this college was no easy task. It took a few daunting months of preparation. With no one to guide or supervise, these months could have easily been swept away in the name of having fun. Controlling myself to the end of these ‘so-long’ months to focus just on preparing for getting into this college was an endeavor of its own. But, it might not be anything at all, compared to what lies ahead. 

St. Xaviers College is the playground for the most talented people. In this heavenly place, you will only find diamonds. Diamonds going through replenishment. Diamonds, that were different from one another. 
# 

This is when I realized the importance of Inclusivity. Everyone is made different and has a different culture. But, it is not to be underestimated that we can still learn a lot from them. Being in a different situation everyone has something new they have learned through the course of their life, and we can use this as an advantage. By including people of different beliefs and cultures we get to know and learn things that we wouldn’t have learnt. We get to know their way of thinking from which we can further replenish our ideas. We will further be able to strengthen our friendship and the sense of brotherhood which will be the beacon to lead us to our success while not undermining others' success. As a human, being able to mix in with different cultures would help us to prosper in our community. That is the real reason why St. Xaviers became the best college in Nepal.

While reflecting on my journey through my past my brain led me to a quote from Warren Buffet, which I once heard while I was scanning through a newspaper, “It’s better to hang out with people better than you. You will drift in that direction.” As Mr.Buffet’s quotes swiftly processed through my brain I smirked thinking to myself, “Well, that's why we embrace diversity.”```
plain dome
#

@queen wedge

queen wedge
#

I'll edit each paragraph and also provide comments.

plain dome
#

Looking forward to it!

queen wedge
plain dome
#

;-; I want suggestions

queen wedge
queen wedge
#

The transition from a (metaphorical?) stage where you're in the spotlight and then later two large buildings is a bit hard to picture, imo.

plain dome
#

I see

queen wedge
#

You're a really descriptive writer, so you could specify a bit, and emphasis the metaphoricality of this "stage"...unless it was an actual stage?

queen wedge
plain dome
#

It was me passing by the gate and I found people staring at me 😐

plain dome
queen wedge
#

For emphasis purposes, you could attribute some traits of the gate to a stage.

plain dome
#

I see

#

But do you think my sentences are easy enough to read? I notice my sentences are hard to read all the time.

queen wedge
#

If I may ask also,

#

You mention, "I was the only one wearing photo-chromatic lenses." By that, do you mean you were the only one with a diverse, rich perspective?

#

Or did you just mean rainbow sunglasses?

queen wedge
plain dome
#

It means I was wearing sunglasses which turns black in presence of sunlight.

queen wedge
# plain dome ```Embracing Diversity: Exploring my Journey towards Inclusivity and Understandi...

"The stage was set and while I was entering, I found myself enveloped in the warmth of a great spotlight, fuelled by the stares of so many on me. It was probably because I was the only one wearing photochromic lenses. As I continued to walk, I felt a huge pressure on my shoulders which was emphasised even more by the giant crowd, in which I was looking for some familiar faces. Scanning the crowd thoroughly, I found my friends and tried to rush to them; I believed that perhaps this would be the only way to nullify this unbearable burden of being watched, as if by vultures, and by so many—and it did."

plain dome
#

;0

queen wedge
#

I hope that gets your point across a bit better!

#

You're a really great writer, so you should consider adding details about where you exactly were, while still keeping that metaphorical style.

plain dome
#

I think you are right.

#

I will work on it in my next essay that I am writing right now.

queen wedge
#

I don't want to waste your time so I'll just edit the rest of it.

plain dome
#

Else your message will just get swept in the flood of other messages.

queen wedge
#

I was no longer the main character as I joined my friends: just another person who wanted to look around. I glanced around and I noticed two great buildings right in front of me. They were well-built with appealing entrances, and next to the building stood some trees. As if bullies almost, they were taller than the 5-storey buildings and added a feeling of belonging and peace. In the middle of the compound there was a beautiful lawn section, glittered with grass, and it seemed to blend in seamlessly with the surrounding infrastructure. When I looked behind, I found a library with a great clock on it that matched everything else; I realised then where I was. I was at St. Xavier's College.

Having my foot in this college was no easy feat. It took daunting months of preparation, and with no guidance besides myself, these months could've just been swept and claimed by "having fun." Controlling myself to the end of these long months to focus on preparing for this college was an endeavour of its own. But, it might not be anything at all compared to what lies ahead.

[...]

queen wedge
plain dome
#

I will screenshot this just in case

queen wedge
# plain dome Its alright!

But in my opinion, you're such a great writer that when it comes to editing, it's really just minor stylistic changes, and consolidating to how descriptively you write!

#

The only thing really is grammar, but I'm sure that's because this was your 13th essay..?! 😭

plain dome
#

It's probably because I am not a native speaker. I believe I will probably not have any issues with my grammar when I work on my 100th essay.

queen wedge
#

Btw, English is so subjective so what I'm saying is basically all my opinion so take it w/ a grain of salt.

plain dome
#

Thank you so much! You helped a ton then I could have asked for

plain dome
queen wedge
plain dome
#

I already learned a lot from you. I found my strength so gonna work on it even more.

hollow berry
#

the fricking way I could just learn from the editor and the writer this casually-

plain dome
# 

The story of the ant and the grasshopper is one of the most ‘relatable’ stories for me. The trouble Ant is willing to go through even when it has the time to have fun is one of the most inspiring parts of this story. If this piece of art is to be mixed with some biological factor, you will get to know that most of the ants don't even survive until the winter arrives, for them to have fun. Yet they work willingly, ungrudgingly, while not valuing their identity, it's as if their DNA is engraved with one and only one term that is ‘working’. And here I stand, looking at them carrying a cockroach whose weight is more than twenty of these workaholics. When I look at their gloomy eyes, I find myself within them. Willing to spend my whole life just for the sake of working. This is the very framework my body, which has lived for a quarter of its life, has adapted to for the sake of facing adversity.

Having carefully scanned through every page of my life up until now, I have got to know that most of my problems arise from ‘not doing something that's needed to be done’. It’s not just me. I believe that most of us have the same origins for our adversity. We get scolded by our teacher if we don’t finish our homework on time, our guardians rebuke us if we don’t work for the betterment of our future, we are fired from our jobs if we don't meet certain deadlines and our spouse will leave us if we can’t make a living. Do you see the correlation? All of these problems arise from the only factor, that is ‘Not Working’.```
# 

Making work the very cog to run life might feel unreasonable for some. How can humans waste their lives working? What would be the meaning of life? Well, It’s a choice. Some might choose to live their life to be as fun as possible. While people like me, live their life willing to spend all the fuel they have been given during birth for the sake of overcoming adversity. And the answer is, no one is right or wrong here. ```
# 

Nevertheless, having the mentality of an ant isn’t bad at all. As we try to become a hardworking person unlike our neighbors, we are setting ourselves to become resilient. And, here is the interesting part. Growth comes from resilience! It is a universal truth that writing a thousand essays will make you a great writer, spending thousands of hours playing sports will make you a great athlete, and studying for thousands of hours will make you a brilliant student. As we set our life for the sake of working, we are carrying a mentality of growth within us! And, that’s why becoming a workaholic is one of the best choices I have made in my life so far.

As I am looking at those ants carrying the cockroach I am reminded of essays I have on my to-do list. With the same gloomy eyes as theirs I stand thinking of a quote from someone I have been influenced by, as Alex Hormozi said, “You can beat 99% of people simply by working without needing immediate reward.” With a smirk on my face, my hollow meaningless body comes down to the study room looking to carry, metaphorically, yet another cockroach for surviving yet another adversity that is to come.```
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Let me know what you think! Looking for suggestions!

obsidian zinc
#

Can anyone please help proofread my essay? Also, any suggestions to improve it further would definitely be appreciated
Need it asap :3

i cant pay *

flat sage
obsidian zinc
flat sage
obsidian zinc
#

Alright sure then

flat sage
plain dome
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I see, yup its not formal

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Thank you!

flat sage
steel walrus
queen wedge
#

There's nothing that needs changing context-wise because it's perfect.

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Oh but really, the only changes I'd make are grammar-related so your essay flows even better, but I don't think that's why you posted your essay!

queen wedge
obsidian zinc
plain dome
remote smelt
tropic ridge
#

Which paragraph is better? The paras bring forth the same idea
#1 Despite the talent that is required for people to be a sportsman, a winner and to win a golden medal, one must express values such as empathy, compassion, generosity to be called a true winner.

#2 To be a sportsman, a winner and to win a golden medal, talent by one required, despite that one must express values such as empathy, compassion, generosity to be called a true winner.

tired aspen
tropic ridge
summer bear
#

Is this for an application or a final?

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Since “one must” is rarely if ever used in formal writing unless it’s a story/novel

snow bridge
#

Hi native speakers, I'm in the middle of writing a story and trying to make it read like a novel! I have to write it in English so... Does it sound okay?

When the lunch bell chimed through the schoolyard, Dorothy quickly headed to her cherished spot: a peaceful hideaway under the vast canopy of the school's largest tree.
"Hi. Why are you just standing here, staring at the trees all alone?" A nameless girl approached Dorothy. "Hey, wanna draw on the ground with these chalks together? What's your name?"
Dorothy blinked and inquired, her blue eyes widening. "I'm Dorothy." She frowned. "But where did you get that chalk from?"
"I swiped it from the classroom."
"Did you take it from your class?"
"No, it's from your class."
"You're not in our class. Stop goofing around."
"I'm not. How about we play together instead of just watching ants?"

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Well it's not quite finished but yeah I'm not really sure if I'm doing this right, so I need feedback as I go.

queen wedge
balmy ember
snow bridge
trim heart
#

My dear aunt
You will be very happy to know that I reached home safe and sound.
I had a comfortable journey. I miss you very much, you spent care of me during my stay there.
I shall never forget the taste of good food you specially cooked for me.
I shall remember forever the happy moments of the trip to historical places of your city, you arranged for me.
I am highly thankful to you for your all this kind hospitality.
Besides it please convey my thanks to your all members of the family for their kind treatment and love

With best wishes, yours sincerely, mahsa

trim heart
timber lantern
manic island
# trim heart My dear aunt You will be very happy to know that I reached home safe and sound. ...

“Reached” is fine I think but a little unnatural. You might consider “arrived”.

I think the comma after “much” should be a semicolon instead. Maybe someone will correct me if I’m wrong about this.

The word “spent” is incorrect. Maybe use “took” or “took good” in place of “spent”.

“Shall” is pretty old/formal. Maybe use “will” or “won’t” instead of “shall never”.

The word “specially” should be removed. If you want to emphasize your gratitude you could replace “specially” with “thoughtfully” or “graciously” or “kindly”

The comma in the following sentence is incorrect. You could write “ … places of your city that you arranged ….”

“Highly thankful” is a little strange. It’s grammatically fine but the words “very” or “immensely” would be better

“Besides it” should be deleted i think. If you think the idea you were trying to communicate with this phrase is important, perhaps you could tell me more about what you mean?

“to your all members of the family” is incorrect. “all the members of your family” makes sense. But if she is your aunt isn’t her family also your family? It would make sense to say “the family” in place of “your all members of the family” if I am correct about this.

trim heart
trim heart
manic island
trim heart
manic island
trim heart
trim heart
trim heart
#

Me again 💀 i like to know grammatical issues first, and then have some recommendations so i can improve myself.

My dear Fatemeh,
You will be glad to know that my birthday comes off on 3rd September. I have arranged a small party at our house in the afternoon at about 5 p.m. on that day. I would earnestly request you to join the party.
There will be lots of fun in the party. I am looking forward to seeing you.
Yours truly, *****

queen wedge
#

I like it how it is but when it comes to changing your letter, everyone is going to have different opinions on how to change it! But this is what I'd do:

#

Dear Fatemah,

I hope that you will be glad to find out that my birthday is on September 3rd. I have arranged a small party at our house in the afternoon at about 5:00 p.m. I earnestly hope that you'll be there since there will be lots of fun at the party.

I am looking forward to seeing you.

Yours truly,
Name

#

Tbh, this is just personal preference and there might be another style that you like more. But I believe your original letter is still really good!

trim heart
trim heart
#

Dear Mark,
I hope you’re well and that you had a fantastic time on your birthday.
I’m so sorry that I wasn’t there to celebrate with you, and for not letting you know beforehand that I wouldn’t be able to come.
I feel terrible that I haven’t found the time to contact you until now.
The truth is that I’ve been under a lot of stress at work recently. I was in danger of losing my job if I didn’t meet a sales target, so I haven’t been able to think about anything else over the last few weeks.
This is why I couldn’t be at your party, and why I didn’t call to tell you I wouldn’t be there.
I really hope you’ll forgive me for being so thoughtless, and I hope you’ll let me make it up to you.
By way of an apology, I’ve bought tickets for us both to go to the cinema next Saturday; I hope you’ll come.

trim heart
queen wedge
trim heart
queen wedge
trim heart
queen wedge
#

No grammar mistakes at all I think!

#

If it's a letter then just make sure you have a valediction ("Thank you", "See you soon", etc.) and that it's formatted correctly.

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But I bet it's Discord that ruined the format. It always does that and it's so annoyingggg.

balmy ember
tawdry dawn
#

"Life is akin to a game of chess: your pieces represent your actions and decisions, while your opponent's pieces symbolize the challenges you face. A strong opponent reflects a life filled with tough challenges, requiring strategy and resilience, whereas a weaker opponent suggests an easier path with fewer obstacles. Each move on the board mirrors a decision in life, shaping the course of your journey."

-said by me

trim heart
upper yew
tawdry dawn
atomic star
#

Yeah

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I’m not gonna trust that

tardy shoal
#

Yeah no that's scam for sure ban this dude @lyric echo

ionic hawk
#

Fix it please. It do not be perfect, just with no mistakes.

For several years, I tried different jobs: I worked as an assistant cook, a postman, a real estate agent, and even as a CNC operator in various factories.
In my childhood, I dreamed of becoming a cook, a soldier, or a firefighter. You could say that I've tried it all and settled on the last one. For about 10 years, I've been working as a firefighter. I mostly like my job, despite the fact that the salary is not high. I like that the job is not standard and I have a lot of free time. In my free time, I study English and programming, do physical exercises, and go for walks. Sometimes I learn to play the guitar, but I have given up on it for now. I try to make 10,000 steps every day, but it doesn't always work out. Mental work is hard for me, but I feel stupid if I don't study. Even now, as I talk about myself, I notice how poor my vocabulary is and how sparse my speech is.
I live alone. My family is just me and my mother, whom I love very much. I graduated from a pedagogical university with a degree in 'Physical Education and Life Safety Teacher'. I thought about becoming a teacher or fitness instructor, but I'm already used to working in fire protection.

hollow berry
#

*It need not be perfect

eh, I didn't find any disastrous errors yet. others can do it for me.

ionic hawk
hollow berry
#

yee.

balmy ember
fervent valve
#

can someone proofread my essay

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its long as hell so i have a pdf i can send of it in dms

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the main thing im concerned about is which one of my body paragraphs is the weakest support for my thesis

queen wedge
dense cobalt
#

hi I am kevin I am 25

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@ionic hawk You're great

cosmic portal
#

hi guys would it be possible for anyone to read my essay

flat sage
#

Yeah sure.

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If it's not too long.

ionic hawk
#

Check it again please.

I'm single. There have been many girls in my life, but for various reasons, our paths diverged.
I recognize my mistakes and am trying to correct them, albeit weakly.
I'm developing in small steps, not only physically, but also mentally and spiritually.
On the one hand, I'm quite comfortable alone, but on the other hand, it would be better with a beloved girl.
It will be difficult to find a person with whom I will have harmony.
To be honest, I live very comfortably.
I have an apartment, a car, a lot of free time that I spend not only on hobbies but also on entertainment and idleness.
I eat pretty well, get enough sleep, so I don't think I should complain about life.

I remember having to work at a factory where I really struggled.
I would like to become a programmer, but I realize that it is very difficult, and my mind tells me that I need to look for something else.
But at the same time, another part of me tells me that I don’t need to give up and go towards my goal.
Perhaps I would have enjoyed teaching English, but I would have much less free time, and the salary would remain at the same level.

trim heart
queen wedge
#

e

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I recognize my mistakes and I am trying to correct them, albeit weakly.

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But wow you're a great writer

ionic hawk
queen wedge
#

But i think it has the tendency not to use certain conventions and ofc, it may be too concise or the writing doesn't have that human touch

queen wedge
plain dome
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Woah, I haven't posted here recently because I am just in the session of mass production of essays just to gain experience. Nothing that really stands out. Trying to enhance my vocabulary. I will post here once I get better

dusky sentinel
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idk where to ask of this but can someone help me with descriptive writing?

next trout
astral hinge
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I have never had, nor will I ever have had, any trouble using have, had and has correctly. Anyone who has had such trouble, would say that I might have, had I had any experience dealing with what they have had to. But I have not, but if I had, then I would not have been able to have the fluency that I have, have had, will have and will continue to have.

plain dome
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Overall, trying to improve my writing because its a skill if honed properly will give great outcomes in the future.

queen wedge
#

I love descriptive writing so I’d love to help

tough ember
#

Can someone help me in writing

queen wedge
marsh laurel
#

Hello, I did a cover letter for a job in Dublin, can please correct me ?

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to apply for the position of XXX. I worked many times in this sector since I am 17 years and it’s something I really like. I got my certificate last year and actually taking a gap year during which I worked in a French coffee and now looking for work in Irlande in improving my English. I like the contact with the clients, I am always positive and smiling and I am very motivated.

In my previous work, I was able to be behind the bar preparing drinks, or doing the service. I also cleaned the shop at the end of the day. Where I worked there was also the sale of Tobacco so I am able to make the sale and master the payment terminals

Work in your enterprise will be a good occasion for me to improve my English, work in something I like and live a new experience here in Dublin. It will be a pleasure to meet you if you are intesrested in more information or taking a trail day.

Yours faithfully.

Frommage

dusky sentinel
hollow berry
#

I'm writing a politely aggressive complaint letter for fun; please find for me all the language problems apparent :0

To whom it may concern (possibly the Sales Management),

This letter is authored by a customer of yours, under the name of DeeDeeEn, who made a last appearance to your facilities 2 months ago (precisely, the night of 32 March 2024). I truly hope I find you reading in good faith, given that the customer above was unable to benefit from such faith your facilities were obliged to cover.

On 30 February 2024, I had unfortunately purchased two of your [brand name] gift cards with a total retail value of forty United States dollars (US$40). As I was checking out for such items, I noticed that both of them had their silver coatings scratched. I took a digital image of them immediately at the shelf the cards were offered and before I arrive to the cashier's.

At the point of sale, I explained to the cashier that they were broken and provided image proof. In response, your employees have contacted two of your guards to restrain me for theft and destruction of property. This is unlawful per [law number 1 and 2]. My phone was taken away, unlocked, in the process. My resists were treated to be "obstruction of justice", which was not due to your guards' unlawful status.
Fortunately, another customer called the police force to sort the problem out. This is, however, short-lived. They did release me but still forced me to pay for the products as they perceived me as a non-paying customer who accidentally scratched the cards. I paid with video proof and left, in hopes of getting these codes to either work or a refund.

Of course, they did not work. I contacted your online chat and your email address (at [mail]) in hopes of a resolution but received were rather aggressive responses (which I have enclosed in a .zip file below) that I suspect and verified to be from the employees that unlawfully restrained me.
(continued...)

hollow berry
# hollow berry I'm writing a politely aggressive complaint letter for fun; please find for me a...

After an estimated 42 emails, the problem is still unfixed, somewhat due to a lack of focus and possibly compassion by me but largely because of your redirects.

I have decided to then write a paper letter to ensure readability. Ideally, I am writing to request for either

  1. 2 replacement gift cards of [brand], with free shipping to the address which this letter was sent, or
  2. 40 United States dollar, plus potential interest of 0.1% APY.

Please reply at your earliest convenience or seven (7) days from the date this letter has arrived to your department.
Also enclosed is a motion to sue that shall be effective if and only if you refuse to respond in a timely manner and resolve the situation I have direly demanded to resolve for months.

Thank you for reading,
[signed]
DeeDeeEn

vestal hemlock
# marsh laurel **Hello, I did a cover letter for a job in Dublin, can please correct me ?** De...

Nice job! There are a few things to clarify here, and a few suggestions (I will write in italics)

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to apply for the position of XXX. I have worked many times in this sector since I am was 17 years old and it’s something I really like enjoy. I got my certificate last year and actually taking took a gap year during which I worked in a French coffee shop, and now I am looking for work in Irlande Ireland in improving while improving my English. I like the contact with the clients, I am always positive and smiling and I am very motivated.

In my previous work position, I was able to be work behind the bar preparing drinks, or doing the service. I also cleaned the shop at the end of the day. Where I worked there was also the sale of Tobacco The shop also sold tobacco, so I am able to make the sale and master the payment terminals**.**

Work in your enterprise Joining your team will be a good occasion opportunity for me to improve my English, work in something I like and live a new experience here in Dublin. It will be a pleasure to meet you if you are intesrested in more information or taking a trail day.

Yours faithfully.

Frommage

And some suggestions:

  • Instead of saying that you have worked since you were 17 years old, you can instead say how many years you have worked! The reader might not how old you are, and they don’t want to do math to figure it out 😆 So you can say, “I have worked in the foodservice industry for __ years”.
    (“Foodservice industry” is any job that serves or prepares food/drink.)
  • When you say you “got your certificate last year”, what certificate was it? Barista certificate? Clarify in the letter ☺️
  • When you say you worked behind the bar preparing drinks, what kind of drinks did you prepare? Do you know how to operate an espresso machine? If you do, say that! It give them a better example of your specific skills ☺️
#

Lastly, here are some words you can use in cover letters to sound more formal:

  • Instead of “I like”, you can say “I enjoy” or “I am passionate about”.
  • Instead of “In my previous work” you can say “In my previous position”, especially to talk about a specific job at a specific company.
  • You can say “In my previous line of work” when you talk about an industry you worked in in the past, but it is not related to the job you are applying for now (only do this if there is an important reason to share it!) For example, if you used to work in computers, but now you apply to a job in marketing, you can say “In my previous line of work….” to talk about your time working with computers (again, only do this if it is relevant to the new marketing position)
marsh laurel
queen wedge
tough ember
# queen wedge Ofc!!

When i want to write a paragraph nothing come to my mind no words no vocabulary came

cunning inlet
#

@vestal hemlock hello

tepid imp
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Hii... What can I do to make it not sound repetitive here? I don't know what's the best word to change it.

IMG_20240514_214606.jpg
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Thank you

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It's a speech tho but plss i need help

vestal hemlock
#

I noticed you use "My Respected One", "My Respected", "Respected", and "My Respect". Even though it is repetitive, I think you should use the same word for each one! That way listeners do not wonder why the titles are all different 😆

But a more common way to say this in English would be with the word "esteemed". For example: "Esteemed Abinal Kirom KH. Esteemed Khoiro Ummah. Esteemed Mr. H Hafidz" etc. I saw in the other channel that they are all your teachers, so you could say esteemed once, and then list them all. For example, "My esteemed teachers Abinal Kirom, Khoiro Ummah, and H Hafidz". Since "teachers" is plural, they will know you esteem all of them!

queen wedge
#

I'll see how i can help! 🖊️

shell dagger
#

Hello guys!

heady nova
queen wedge
queen wedge
queen wedge
opaque kite
heady nova
queen wedge
queen wedge
#

Imo when you're writing an informative/persuasive essay the first thing to do is probably brainstorm! even before you research

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just write down what you know about the topic and whatever pops up in your head on a piece of paper or whatever and ask questions!

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for your brainstorming these questions can be what evidence is there? where can i find evidence? You want high-quality sources, ofc, and then when you go out to do research, find evidence supporting both sides because once you've formed your opinion, you know the other sides arguments, and u can create rebuttles. even if it isn't a black and white persuasive essay, looking at both sides helps to come up with a more diverse and firm answer

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and then also u should ask questions on your evidence, so say u find a source that claims "oh this math equation proves aliens are real" you can ask why is this significant? how does it fit with the other evidence that i have? etc.

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After you've done all this brainstorming I think it helps to figure out what your main arguments are (ur main arguments should have lots of evidence supporting them) and usually for a 5 paragraph essay it's 3 main reasons. then for ur draft just write and write and write (dont think, just write!) dont worry too much about organising your thoughts and argument here!!

#

But when you are writing, keep this in mind:

your introduction should be clear. ur first sentence (sometimes it trails on to your second sentence) should clearly state what ur arguing. your introduction should also include background information. So for example if ur topic is on "aliens exist", maybe define what exactly an alien is defined as? (would a tiny worm, does it have to be living or could it be a fossil or something, etc.)?

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Your intro should also include the reasons (not why) for your argument! And most importantly in ur intro is ur thesis. it's basically always ur last sentence and it summarises your main points!

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To give you an example of what Ive said

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I'll show you an essay I had to write on "why humanity wouldnt survive a zombie apocalypse"

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I brainstormed and came up with reasons and for my very first draft on my introduction, i just wrote and it ended up like this:

In the great scopes and conundrum of the existence of humanity, there has been but one thing that has killed—destroyed, mutilated, and ravished—so many humans: diseases, and more often than not, pandemics. Now if one were to amalgamate pandemics with pop culture and the idea of zombies, creatures from the dead, what would happen? It is clear that the result would be catastrophic. Civilisations would collapse and humanity would be unidentifiable. In this particular case, which examines a lighter case of a zombie apocalypse, zombies are created through a virus, which can thus be spread through means of infection (like touching, biting, etc.); this then results in the common characteristics that are seen in zombies. Even this example, which is the reference type, would end humanity. Notably, humanity doesn’t have the proper communication and systems in place to deal with a zombie apocalypse—and it wouldn’t be able to adapt and create robust ones fast enough. Crucially as well, a zombie apocalypse would shake the “human identity”, further contributing to geopolitical instability, ethical dilemmas, and the questioning of our tolerance and human abilities. In the same breathe, as our identities and cooperation and other personalities are broken, or put to a tribunal, the zombie pandemic would demonstrate, and epitomise, the malignant nature of the pandemic; it would have corruptible and dangerous symptoms, only adding to the verdict of humanity’s loss. Even with the hopes and dreams of humanity, it would not triumph a zombie apocalypse. Eventually, it is clear, a zombie apocalypse would exterminate humanity because it punctuates humanity’s ineffective systems and abuses human nature; yet, perhaps most evidently, because of the virus’s abhorrent and malignant characteristics that would ultimately dictate the end of civilisation.

#

It was just me yapping and yapping but doing that just gets all your ideas across which you can refine later:

queen wedge
#

In the great conundrum and existence of humans there has been but a single danger that has molded—and mutilated—them so much: disease, and specifically, pandemics. Now in the twenty-first century a lot less people fear disease, but the amalgamation of disease and fiction has led to fear of a zombie pandemic—and if modern society could survive it if it occurred. It is clear that it would be catastrophic and society would be unidentifiable. A zombie pandemic would spread like other diseases,diseases with the crucial exception that the pathogen would make those infected, zombies: hostile beings that attack humans, so so the pathogen may spread further (Smith). In such an event, societies do not have adequate communication or systems to contain the pathogen—and would be unable to adapt to it or their systems. Crucially too, a zombie pandemic would shake the human identity, contributing to geopolitical instability and the question of tolerance. In the same moment, as cooperation and identities break—or are put to a tribunal—a zombie pandemic would epitomise the malignant identity of disease; the pandemic would have terrible effects, only adding to the conclusion of defeat. Even with the dreams and effort of humans, a zombie pandemic would triumph. In the end, it is clear, a zombie pandemic would eliminate humans because it punctuates societies’ inefficient systems and abuses human nature; yet, perhaps most evidently, because of the pathogen’s abhorrent and malignant features that would dictate the end of humanity.

#

My first/second sentence talks about my topic and stance:

In the great conundrum and existence of humans there has been but a single danger that has molded—and mutilated—them so much: disease, and specifically, pandemics. Now in the twenty-first century a lot less people fear disease, but the amalgamation of disease and fiction has led to fear of a zombie pandemic—and if modern society could survive it if it occurred.

In the "body" part of my paragraph I define the parameters of this zombie pandemic/what a zombie is and also my reasons:

A zombie pandemic would spread like other diseases,diseases with the crucial exception that the pathogen would make those infected, zombies: hostile beings that attack humans, so so the pathogen may spread further (Smith). In such an event, societies do not have adequate communication or systems to contain the pathogen—and would be unable to adapt to it or their systems. Crucially too, a zombie pandemic would shake the human identity, contributing to geopolitical instability and the question of tolerance. In the same moment, as cooperation and identities break—or are put to a tribunal—a zombie pandemic would epitomise the malignant identity of disease; the pandemic would have terrible effects, only adding to the conclusion of defeat. Even with the dreams and effort of humans, a zombie pandemic would triumph.

And then I have my thesis which summarises my point:

In the end, it is clear, a zombie pandemic would eliminate humans because it punctuates societies’ inefficient systems and abuses human nature; yet, perhaps most evidently, because of the pathogen’s abhorrent and malignant features that would dictate the end of humanity.

#

you'll prob find better examples if you just google it

#

Ok, NEXT are your body paragraphs.

They have a pretty simple format. Your first paragraph = usually weakest reason or medium your last paragraph before the conclusion = strongest reason. In your paragraph, you should introduce what your topic is and then provide evidence for it. you might even want to do some explaining on it. .

And ofc it's always good to have evidence and explain them:

Statistics, statements from people, facts, analogies, etc.

#

For example, in my zombie essay, my first reason is that because of our systems it will allow the virus to hijack them and get an advantage like through globalisation (we're so interconnected) or weak healthcare systems (i refer to statistics here)

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And my last reason was that the zombie's effects are so malignant so basically it will allow it to infect ppl easily, violent systems, and like other viruses it can mutate/have different effects. I talk about other pandemics and that finding a cure (which is what the other side would argue, if a zombie apocalypse happened) is impossible in time because the closest twin, rabies, doesnt have a cure after all these years

queen wedge
#

Ok ummm

queen wedge
# queen wedge Ok, NEXT are your body paragraphs. They have a pretty simple format. Your **fir...

I'll show you a small excerpt from an essay I wrote on euthanasia (it wasn't rlly one sided though) which shows uses of evidence to defend ur reasoning:

As well, some of the data collected by Health Canada is lacking context. For example, although 77.6% of MAID patients received palliative care and 49.9% received it for a month or more, there’s no mention of the quality of care. Additionally, the commonalities for taking euthanasia could reflect that services are functioning poorly. For instance, Canadian disability benefits do not give more than the poverty line. It is also bears mentioning that one of the acolytes of the overall “syndicate of decision-making” for those who want MAID is mental health; poor mental health could pull patients towards MAID, and this is a problem because 1 in 3 adults and 1 in 3 children do not have access to mental health services. Canadians should not be taking euthanasia because of the failure of Canada’s healthcare system to care for these people. Where they say, “I quit.” “I give up, I don’t want to continue treatment.” “I’d rather die.” This must change.

#

FINALLY

#

Your conclusion. Your conclusion, i feel, should stand out. You should repeat your thesis in a different way, and i don't think there's anything wrong to add a bit of information, especially if it's startling or surprising! Your last sentence should resonate with ppl as well because that's the last thing they're reading!

#

That last sentence could be a startling revelation, a quote, a fact, etc?

queen wedge
# queen wedge > In the great conundrum and existence of humans there has been but a single dan...

I'm going to give you the conclusion to my zombie essay:

It is doubtless that the pathogen’s capability to overload and utilise systems while simultaneously demolishing the human spirit because of its vicious effects is enough to eliminate humanity. Although, this capability may be paralleled to past events. For example, the Black Death was a pandemic that happened more than 600 years ago, but it is still remembered for how it destroyed Europe. Fortunately, Europe was eventually able to recover and defeat the pathogen, or live alongside it, and this has been the case with every other pandemic: the smallpox pandemic, HIV pandemic, swine flu pandemic, the coronavirus pandemic, and none of them have been world-ending. One may take comfort in recognising this; however, it does not consider the profound distinction and danger between these past examples and a zombie pandemic. A zombie pandemic would catastrophise the economy and exploit systems, like health systems, to their limit, and would only be fuelled more by miscommunication and the unpreparedness of governments. The world will harbour fear, enraged by media and misinformation. In the same moments, conflicts on supplies and ethical dilemmas would occur. Even morale, which has remained unwavering during humanity’s darkest times such as World War One or World War Two, would be destroyed. Unfortunately, nothing would bring a sense of alleviation because of the pathogen’s characteristics: incurable, inhumane, and indicative of extinction. Undeniably, if one were to witness a zombie apocalypse, and recognise the malignant characteristics—and the colossal challenges they would provide—then perhaps humanity’s extinction is better than fighting a tormenting battle that cannot be won.

#

My first sentence: *It is doubtless that the pathogen’s capability to overload and utilise systems while simultaneously demolishing the human spirit because of its vicious effects is enough to eliminate humanity. * is basically a repeat of my thesis!

#

The rest of the paragraph is repeating my three main reasons w/ a bit of new info:

Although, this capability may be paralleled to past events. For example, the Black Death was a pandemic that happened more than 600 years ago, but it is still remembered for how it destroyed Europe. Fortunately, Europe was eventually able to recover and defeat the pathogen, or live alongside it, and this has been the case with every other pandemic: the smallpox pandemic, HIV pandemic, swine flu pandemic, the coronavirus pandemic, and none of them have been world-ending. One may take comfort in recognising this; however, it does not consider the profound distinction and danger between these past examples and a zombie pandemic. A zombie pandemic would catastrophise the economy and exploit systems, like health systems, to their limit, and would only be fuelled more by miscommunication and the unpreparedness of governments. The world will harbour fear, enraged by media and misinformation. In the same moments, conflicts on supplies and ethical dilemmas would occur. Even morale, which has remained unwavering during humanity’s darkest times such as World War One or World War Two, would be destroyed. Unfortunately, nothing would bring a sense of alleviation because of the pathogen’s characteristics: incurable, inhumane, and indicative of extinction.

Then, I end with a "startling revelation which is that because of all of my reasons, maybe it's better off we're extinct! Undeniably, if one were to witness a zombie apocalypse, and recognise the malignant characteristics—and the colossal challenges they would provide—then perhaps humanity’s extinction is better than fighting a tormenting battle that cannot be won.

#

Btw, just generic advice.

Write for audience (if it's for fun then i dont think using a style guide or personal pronouns matter), but if you're writing for ur teacher then u should probably cite your sources and avoid personal pronouns & stuff!!

Include analysis of your evidence (like i said earlier, why is it significant?)
Edit it multiple times, and if ur not lazy (i am), have someone edit it!

#

Umm this is basically how I write my essays!! I hope that it helps and omg my yapping is death

#

But anyways you're probably a great writer and you'll get better if u just practice

flat sage
#

Wholy!

queen wedge
# flat sage Wholy!

Srry usually when my reply is that long i dm the person but i forgot this time

flat sage
shut dawn
#

الله اكبر

nimble chasm
queen wedge
queen wedge
#

@inland herald ur evil

dusky sentinel
dense beacon
marsh laurel
#

I' m looking for an accomodation, can someone check if my mail is correct ?

Dear Sir/Madam,

I hope this email finds you well.

I am writing to express my interest in the accommodation located at XXX that you have advertised for rent. [I’m in XXX for 3 months and go back in France in September for my studies (not sure if this quotes is good)] . I arrived in XXX 2 weeks ago and already found a job, and now, want to leave the hostel where I am since 2 weeks, live in a hostel is not a viable situation. Your accomodation is exacly what I need because it’s near the publics transport.

My monthly income stands at 1774.5€, which allows me to meet the financial obligations of this rental. Furthermore, I am prepared to provide any necessary documentation or references to support my application.

I would be available for a viewing of the property at your earliest convenience. You can reach me by phone at 00 00 00 00 00 or via email at XXXXX@X.com to schedule a visit.

Thank you in advance for considering my inquiry. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Best regards,

queen wedge
frozen oar
vestal hemlock
# marsh laurel I' m looking for an accomodation, can someone check if my mail is correct ? D...

Very good! I would make the following small changes:

Dear Sir/Madam,

I hope this email finds you well.

I am writing to express my interest in the accommodation located at XXX that you have advertised for rent. [I’m in XXX for 3 months and go back in France in September for my studies (not sure if this quotes is good)] . I arrived in XXX 2 weeks ago and already found a job, and now, want to leave the hostel ~~where I am since 2 weeks, live ~~ I have been staying in, as living in a hostel is not a viable situation. Your accommodation is exactly what I need because it’s near ~~the publics ~~ public transport.

My monthly income stands at 1774.5€, which allows me to meet the financial obligations of this rental. Furthermore, I am prepared to provide any necessary documentation or references to support my application.

I would be available for a viewing of the property at your earliest convenience. You can reach me by phone at 00 00 00 00 00 or via email at XXXXX@X.com to schedule a visit.

Thank you in advance for considering my inquiry. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Best regards,

In American English, we say "public transport", not "publics transport". I don't know if this is the case in all English-speaking countries.
I also changed the sentence about why you want to leave the hostel, using the word "as" ("as living in a hostel is not a viable solution). In this grammar structure, "as" works like "because" or "since", and it sounds a bit more formal. You could also use "because" or "since", of course!

heady nova
# queen wedge <@1218356925033615382> ur evil

"I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh."

It helps to know but also, don't forget to proofread. uwu

high tusk
#

hey guys i am trying to find a hobby based on what i like and i thought writing a book would be nice if anyone who can proof read for me that would be amazing

proper sapphire
high tusk
dense beacon
hollow vapor
#

damn 💀

strong ridge
#

Hi! I'm new here.
I'm practicing to improve my writing skills.
There are many apps for checking grammar but i don't want to use any this kind of apps.

So i send here.

Today, one of my classmate had been shared her experience about friends.

It's coincidence, my Day 2 topic is Friendship.

What do i say about friendship? I had a bad experience in friendship. Umm... I think Not really. I have good friends in my life. We don't talk regularly but then i text them if i miss them.

I think one loyal friend is enough for the whole life. Friendship is like a tears and hand.
Whenever hand is hurt then the tears come out naturally and then whenever you cry, hand cleans the tears.

Thanks for giving me you precious time.

hollow berry
#

It's poetic that you never corrected the "Thanks for giving me your precious time."!

#

"day 2 topic" is acceptable for, for example, daily tasks in the form of topics.

strong ridge
#

Thanks for pointing me.

queen wedge
# strong ridge Hi! I'm new here. I'm practicing to improve my writing skills. There are many ap...

Hii! This is a coincidence for me too because I was discussing friendships with one of my friends! But, anyways, what you wrote is great in my opinion!

Also, I didn't really make stylistic changes! I was only focused on the grammar, but there are one or two stylistic changes. If you want stylistic changes (make it sound better), I can help with that too, if you'd like!

Today, one of my classmates shared her experience on friends.

It's a coincidence: my topic for day two is friendship.

What do I say about friendship? I had a bad experience with friendship. Um... actually, not really. I have good friends in my life. We don't talk regularly but I text them if I miss them.

I think one loyal friend is enough for your whole life. Friendship is like tears and the hand. Whenever the hand hurts, tears come out naturally, and whenever you cry, the hand clears the tears.

hollow berry
#

there was previously a corrector that got their messages deleted 🤔

opaque sparrow
strong ridge
opaque sparrow
faint mantle
#

Hello, I'm Niki, and I want to say that I started proofreading months ago, and two days ago, I got an idea to start proofreading for people who need help. Of course, it's not free, but it's cheap. If you need proofreading on something, DM me.

flat sage
queen wedge
#

Hii

#

for writing, reading has helped me a lot, ofc. especially when you look back at the styles of different authors or how they use words!!

#

I have never tried to imitate styles but if i see that they use writing in an amazing way i try to remember, you knowww

#

It can also help with grammar because you will see punctuation uses or grammar in a way that you haven't before

#

But for grammar specifically i'm not rlly sure tbh 😭

heady nova
#

Thanks

heady nova
#

@stiff bison

stable elk
#

Student Volunteer

Proved responsibility and professionalism at a young age by assisting in organizing and managing event activities for Pakistan's largest literature festival, founded and organized by Oxford University Press (OUP).

Demonstrated adaptability by quickly adjusting to changing circumstances or unforeseen challenges during volunteer events.

Strengthened interpersonal communication abilities through constant interaction with diverse populations during volunteering events.

Showcased commitment to the organization's mission through consistent attendance at meetings, involvement in decision-making processes, and willingness to take on additional responsibilities as needed.

Displayed excellent time management skills while balancing academic responsibilities alongside demanding volunteer commitments.

Gained operational knowledge and supported departmental needs.

Worked in a team environment to maintain high levels of productivity.

Maintained excellent customer service and positive attitude towards guests, customers, and fellow teammates.

Engaged with authors, panelists, and guests, providing information and assistance as needed.

#

hello, these are 9 points of an experience description of my cv, but i think they are too many. can someone suggest which points should be discarded.

heady nova
#

LMAOO

heady nova
#

Can someone help me if there are any errors in this message? Plz

....

Hello Eng. Gamal,

Kindly, I would appreciate a lot if I can get the training certificate + recomendation letter from you as soon as possible before my training ends at the end of this week .
I need to send these two letters to the CEO of Masdar, Mohamed Alramahi , in Abu Dhabi ,since he has been following up with my father on my training progress at infinity power company under your supervision.

Thanks in advance.

queen wedge
#

I'm pretty sure they're similar, but I'm not entirely sure.

queen wedge
queen wedge
#

And also, I don't believe you should worry about putting "too much!"

#

I saw a C.V. that was like eight pages long. 😭

stable elk
stable elk
#

i want to get help with my Professional Summary as well.

#

Dynamic young professional currently studying towards Universities Entrance test Exams. Excellent communication and planning abilities. Logical and professional with excellent problem-solving skills. Uses independent decision-making skills and sound judgment to positively impact company success. Technology-inclined professional possesses strong troubleshooting capabilities and customer-oriented attitude. Seeking a role of increased responsibility where strengths in problem solving and communication will be valuable. Friendly and energetic with strong communication and organizational abilities. Active Discord community member providing support and engagement in various interests. Quick learner with immediate availability.

#

I just added some sentences unheedingly, but i know these are way too much, so i wanna know which ones to keep and remove. Any suggestion of what should i add besides?

queen wedge
#

Oops-

#

I hope you didn't change it so it was all in one. I just meant you should put each of your points under a header.

#

This is just an example:

queen wedge
queen wedge
#

You can be more broad under these specific headers, like saying "worked in a team environment to maintain high levels of productivity" but you should avoid that in other parts of your C.V. or resume.

#

but just so you know

#

ive only made like 2 resumes in my life and they were for the same courses and even on them were allowed to put fake professional experience

vestal hemlock
# stable elk ```Dynamic young professional currently studying towards Universities Entrance t...

Hi, I would recommend the following changes to sound more natural! Your content is very good, though.

Dynamic young professional currently studying ~~towards ~~for Universities Entrance test Exams. Excellent communication and planning abilities. Logical and professional with ~~excellent ~~strong problem-solving skills. Uses independent decision-making skills and sound judgment to positively impact company success. Technology-inclined professional possesses strong troubleshooting capabilities and customer-oriented attitude. Seeking a role of increased responsibility where strengths in problem solving and communication will be valuable. Friendly and energetic with strong communication and organizational abilities. Active Discord community member providing support and engagement in various interests. Quick learner with immediate availability.

"Universities Entrance Test Exams" doesn't sound natural to me. Is this what it is formally called? If not, I recommend changing these words to "University Entrance Exams"

Also, some of these sentences are a bit repetitive. If it needs to be this length, I understand, but if not, maybe you could shorten it like this:

Dynamic young professional currently studying for University Entrance Exams. Technology-inclined professional with strong problem-solving skills, planning, and troubleshooting capabilities. Uses independent decision-making and sound judgment to positively impact company success. Friendly and energetic with a customer-oriented attitude and strong organizational abilities. Seeking a role of increased responsibility where strengths in problem solving and communication will be valuable. Active Discord community member providing support and engagement in various interests. Quick learner with immediate availability.

hollow berry
#

🤔
why

excellent strong
?

stable elk
stable elk
#

i am also changing profession withh student everywhere 🙂

vestal hemlock
# hollow berry 🤔 why > ~~excellent~~ **strong** ?

I changed “excellent” to “strong” only because they used “excellent” in the previous sentence! I wanted to avoid repeating the same word. It was just for style. “Excellent” is grammatically correct, too! :)

vestal hemlock
# stable elk dont u think its too big for a summary, i personally want it 4-5 lines tho

Yes, I agree it's too long. Here's what I would do:

[Enter your college major/focus here] student currently studying for University Entrance Exams. Possesses strong problem-solving skills, planning, and troubleshooting capabilities with [technical software? computer codes? what is your skill!]. Friendly and energetic, with a customer-oriented mindset and excellent organizational abilities. Seeking a role of increased responsibility where strengths in decision-making and communication will be valuable. Active Discord community member providing support and engagement in various interests. Quick learner with immediate availability.

I suggest saying what type of student you are (Computer Science, Engineering, etc). I also suggest removing the sentence about Discord, unless you are applying for a job at Discord or Discord is a big focus of the job!

#

For the second sentence, I think you can do it as "troubleshooting capabilities with __. With system-wide awareness, with Python coding, with... whatever your skill is!

livid shard
#

Hey everyone!
I could use some proofreading tips. I have this long project that I need to go through quickly. If you have any suggestions that could help me speed up the process, please share them. Thanks a bunch!

stark whale
# livid shard Hey everyone! I could use some proofreading tips. I have this long project that ...

My go to strategy is first use a spellchecker to correct any glaring errors, then put it through at least one grammar checker (grammarly is actually a really good google doc extension for this and the free version still works great), then skim the whole thing just to make sure you don't have any weird errors or bulky sentences.
Used this same formula every time I have to write something and it works great for me.

queen wedge
#

My personal proofreading method is rlly tedious

#

But if it’s for a big assignment what I do is create a whole new doc. And rewrite the whole thing using my draft as a close reference

#

Then (I think google docs and words both have it) use a spell checker and read it a few times

#

I sometimes read out loud too

fathom wing
#

anyone want to read a sci fi book im writing?

sharp cliff
sharp cliff
#

Ohh
Thanks:)

shell coral
#

Hi everyone,

I’m a software developer from India, and I’m looking for someone interested in learning English together. Whether you’re a beginner or looking to improve your skills, I’d love to partner up for mutual learning and practice.

Feel free to reach out if you're interested. Looking forward to connecting and learning together!

granite vapor
queen wedge
sharp cliff
queen wedge
sharp cliff
shell coral
livid shard
livid shard
granite vapor
tawdry dawn
# 
There's nothing left—don't look back,  
Despite your efforts, you lost the track.  
You tried your best, but couldn't save her,  
Now shadows linger, memories blur.

In the silent night, where whispers fade,  
Echoes of the past in twilight shade.  
A broken promise, a shattered dream,  
Love slips away like a distant stream.

Through endless sorrow and boundless night,  
You search for solace, for a glimmer of light.  
Yet in the darkness, her ghost remains,  
A haunting presence, a silent pain```
#

Written by me

#

This is a song not a poem

queen wedge
#

I wish I could write lyrics this amazing

errant sable
tawdry dawn
#

Thank you guys @queen wedge @errant sable

molten juniper
tawdry dawn
tropic ridge
#

Hi could someone proofread the paragraph I wrote? Thanks!
The poem "Nine Gold Medals" by David Roth conveys a powerful message of compassion, unity, and sportsmanship. When the young athlete falls during the race, the other competitors stop to help him. All the runners join hands and finish the race together, demonstrating the true meaning of sportsmanship. The poem highlights that competition and sports are not centered around winning. Instead, demonstrating and learning values such as humanity, empathy, kindness, and companionship is a higher priority. The poem also underlines (highlights) the respect given to each person’s hard work for the competition. The eight other athletes could have ignored the fallen runner, but they chose to help him and finish the race together. This act shows a sense of respect and the sharing of others’ pain and sorrow to cheer the fallen. Ultimately, the poem shows that a true win lies in showing support to one another.

#

I'm not sure whether the structure is correct

queen wedge
#

The only changes I'd make are slight. The particular change is changing the format and style a little bit. Your first sentence, "...compassion, unity, and sportsmanship", I feel like is a summary of the poem, which is great, but I'd leave that for your last sentence. That way, you've explained all the specific evidence and then you can build up to this finale where you prominently punctuate the message of compassion, sportsmanship, and unity.

#

Because of that, you'd have to change your first sentence. I'd probably make it more broad (you've provided examples of this message, and talked other messages, like respect, later on). Or, I'd change the wording of "...a powerful message of compassion, unity, and sportsmanship" because that, like I said earlier, seems like a build up of all you said that summarises your paragraph.

#

Secondly, you should avoid using brackets if it isn't adding on useful information. Here, where you write: "The poem also underlines (highlights) the respect", you should remove the brackets.

#

In the sentence: "Instead, demonstrating and learning values such as humanity, empathy, kindness, and companionship is..." just remove the "and" after "learning values." Actually, I'd probably use a semicolon for this sentence connecting it to your previous one!

#

That's because it's closely tied to your other one (i.e. you're providing a connected contrast to your previous sentence)!

#

This is just me being picky but you should try to use (it's called a subordinating conjunction?) "for example", "one primary example", "in the poem", etc. And actually, you do! But I would use it even more because it gives your paragraph flow.

#

It also creates a direct connection to the reader: "oh, so the author is about to give a specific example in the text!"

#

Just as an example, look at your first sentence: "The poem "Nine Gold Medals" by David Roth conveys a powerful message of compassion, unity, and sportsmanship." In your next sentence, the expectation is that you'll give evidence from the poem to defend this opinion.

tropic ridge
queen wedge
#

And you do in your next sentence: "When the young athlete falls during the race, the other competitors stop to help him." But there's no transition word that tells us more directly that you're giving an example.

#

So maybe: "[For example] [w]hen the young athlete falls during the race, the other competitors stop to help him."

queen wedge
queen wedge
#

You're still such a great writer.

tropic ridge
#

Its alright, you helped me enough with all the tips you've given me. Thank you so much!

queen wedge
#

The poem also sounds very interesting!

tropic ridge
#

Thank you!

tropic ridge
queen wedge
tropic hill
#

a

wicked owl
#

Sup

#

guys !

#

never opened this channel before

#

so what you do here

#

chat😂

#

i also like poems such as "Stoping by woods on a snowy evening", Daffodils,Try Again , Peace 🕊️ etc

queen wedge
queen wedge
#

There's a club for poems if ur interested: #1222538266314674186(if you dont have access go to the to "channel & roles" and give urself the poetry role)

tiny tapir
#

This is the paragraph

tropic ridge
#

Hello! Could someone proofread what I wrote? It is an alternative ending to the story "the little match girl". I apologize for it to be so long. I think I made some mistakes in grammar, but I'm not sure.

#

The little girl was fascinated with the sight of the roast goose steaming with its stuffing of apple and dried plums, jumping off the table decorated with porcelain crockery that approached her. She lit another matchstick and found herself in a new illusion, seeing a beautiful Christmas tree. Meanwhile, a man in a top hat and large warm coat, on his way home, noticed the poor little girl in the corner formed by the 2 houses. The girl was shivering with bare feet and holding a matchstick. Feeling concerned for the little girl, he approached her to make sure she’s okay. As the man got closer, he saw the girl stiff with rosy chapped cheeks and toes blue and red from the cold. He gently nudged her a bit, but the girl didn't respond. The man immediately felt a growing concern as she was unresponsive and realized that she could not survive for long in her condition. He quickly warped his coat around her and rushed to a nearby store to buy some items for her, hoping to save her in time.

#

After some time, he returned with a pair of children's shoes, a hat, and gloves to keep her warm. The man gently put the items on the girl and decided to carry her on his back to his house, where she could warm up and feel better. Once they arrived, he laid her on the couch, covered her with a blanket and started to make hot chocolate for the girl. The little girl in her illusion saw the lights of the Christmas tree as stars flying through the sky. Just as one of the stars fell, a long trail of fire formed, and she suddenly woke up from her illusion and back into reality.

The man noticed that she was awake and asked if she was okay. The little girl, afraid of being in a stranger's house, hesitated but answered anyway. The gentleman explained that he brought her there because she was in poor condition and on the verge of dying. He handed her a cup of hot chocolate. She thanked him for it and his hospitality.