#occasional rants and rambles || matt

1 messages · Page 3 of 1

cunning raven
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"whats that guys name"

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"he has allegations don't bother"

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🫩

cunning raven
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no reply ✌️

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siigh.

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i wish i could go into therapy honestly, as in, being honest

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i don't currently trust therapists, but man i want to know whats wrong with me. 🫩

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i wish i could spend more time asleep

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i think i look forward most to sleeping 24/7 during the summer

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smoking weed is bad and all, but it's become a consideration

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one that is most likely not going to happen due to underlying unknown health issues

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was talking ti a friend about today actually and he's so knowledgeable about recreational drugs

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it's really really interesting

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therapy tomorrow

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yayaya

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last meeting with my therapist, though
૮(◞ ‸ ◟ )ა

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i feel really unstable within relationships

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i hate that i notice it, that i am able to acknowledge its wrong, but i can't stop

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i don't want to retype everything

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yes i'm aware you can still read the crossed out text, it's only crossed out due to irrelevance

cunning raven
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i'm hypocritical and narcissistic a lot of the time

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i expect people to wait for me during these rifts and get offended when they don't

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i say i don't blame them, that i understand, but i don't

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i think

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i want someone to prove their interested, yes, but i want them to actually prove they'd wait

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it's really really stupid in thought, but i just want it to happen

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hmm

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i don't mind talking about and helping him, but i'm rarely asked about myself

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since we've last spoken i've reminded him on the daily (it's stopped, but happened for awhile) to take his medication

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i just want someone to take interest in me without alternative motives

cunning raven
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god dude

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i ruined it sb

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🫩

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i dig a deeper hole for myself every time i talk to other people

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i need to stop pitying myself, but i also need to acknowledge the problem for there to be real change

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uugh.

cunning raven
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i need to stop, it's never this serious, especially when it's about someone whom i dated awhile ago ( ;´ - `;)

cunning raven
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i am SO excited for next school year

cunning raven
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debating

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might need to post on reddit

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wondering if i should bite the bullet and buy an ipad for art ir if i should just buy a $40 chromebook

cunning raven
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$120 ipad + screen protector and a case comes out to around $140

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assuming i'll be unemployed and will only get my $20 allowance everyother month

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it'll take about a month

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i already have $40 so

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◝(ᵔᗜᵔ)◜

cunning raven
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i feel like a dog

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i miss talking to him

cunning raven
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weell

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he had his friend pm me

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i don't like his friend very much. her name is anna. she's someone i consider to be obnoxious

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i don't know why she feels the need to talk to me like i'm a child.. she calls me "girl/girlie" religiously as well

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i have no problem with being seen as feminine, in the slightest, really

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i'd just prefer, and feel euphoric, when i'm referred to with masculine terms

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but, anyways, she messaged me about him asking if something happened because he's been "acting upset" all week

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i don't know why she'd dm me

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i hate that she did actually

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it's none of her business, for one. for two, why am i at fault if he's not feeling great??

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her hearts in the right place and i admire her willingness to care, but god she's not someone i click with 🫩

cunning raven
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tired

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i want to talk to someone, but no one is

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what's the right word

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aarrrrugh

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here?

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lots of thinking lately

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i feel really pathetic a lot of the time

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hmm

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i think theres a lot of jealousy in my life

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i'm jealous of those who can move on

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of those who can be happy despite the bad

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of those who r so ignorant they don't even notice the bad

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siiighh

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jealousy consumes me

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anyway!

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i'm going to make a cake for finals for my friends 𐔌ˊᵕˋ𐦯

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they are a week away!

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scary, this school year flew by

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i love my school

cunning raven
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i'm super tired

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i wish i could sleep forever

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not in a suicidal way

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last night i dreamed very nice, but i had to wake up

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it's sad

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i wish i could stay asleep

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maybe death is like a good dream you live in forever

cunning raven
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edy is, understandably, upset

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i think he's upset, i mean

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haven't spoken in like two days

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and i made the grave mistake of sending a reel

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i think it's very confusing

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on my end i cannot do much besides apologize and hope for forgiveness that i'm undeserving of

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maybe my subconscious goal was to push him away and go into this awkward position

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more often than not things end up like this, i don't know why i cannot feel satisfied when relationships are okay

cunning raven
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everything sucks right now

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i have no right to complain as everyone is a text away

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but i feel bad

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so bad

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i wish people noticed, and if they did, i wish they'd reach out

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i think about people who make those "never ignore the signs of suicide" videos

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i think it's ironic how people repost and relate to those videos yet never take the advice

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then they cry they lost someone

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it feels like i'm at a point in life where i'm supposed to be better.

i want to slam my head against the wall theres so much anger directed towards myself and SO much frustration directed to those i am close to.

i refuse to get help and i refuse to talk to people yet theres so much resentment towards those i consider close for not noticing my struggles. i don't even want help i just want someone to notice, but even then i'd be resentful.

i don't want to die, i'm not a severe case of anything, but i still just want to feel cared for. that's another thing though, i AM cared for. i have people who'd help if i asked, but i refuse to ask and resentment builds and it circles around over and over.

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god dude i just want someone to act like they give a fuck

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even if it's telling me to shut up just notice me

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ok i'm super sad right now, but i just imagined my friend who's at work right now being at work at 11 pm om a friday night and laghed

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sadder though cuz i'm at HOME at 11 pm on a friday night 🫩

cunning raven
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ok

cunning raven
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i feel suffocated

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i have no one

cunning raven
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god

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i hate people who don't get angry

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i hate people who regulate frustration normally

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i want to be yelled at

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i want to be called out and not forgiven

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fuck my life, dude

cunning raven
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a girl in the womens locker room at school smelled like straight cake batter

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it was such an intense and overbearing smell

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i should've figured out who it was, but i didn't, and i've been searching for a perfume since

cunning raven
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i should've figured out who it was, but i didn't, and i've been searching for a perfume since

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that was supposed to send awhile ago

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what

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wait

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it sent twice

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spooky

cunning raven
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i really want to sleep but i can't because my stomach hurts and i want to get uo and get my medicine for it but i can't because i'm convinced theres a man with a gun in my living room closet who will shoot me if i try to go i to the kitchen and i want to cry because i can't get my medicine so i cabt sleep but i can't cry because i just can't for some reason and it feels like my head is imploding in on itself because i'm mot asleep right now and i have my risd test tomorrow which im going to fail because i can't get over my problems with my mom because i hold so much resentment and i just wabt to sleep so these feelings go away but i cant and nobody is awake and im SO FUCKING ALONE

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my stomach hurts but it hurts more because i'm alone

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funny

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i think i'm sick

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i had a fever earlier, but i didn't tell anyone

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i don't want to go to school tomorrow

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i'm so excited to sleep away my summer

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whoops

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no gifs

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okay

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yesterday

cunning raven
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it's fine again

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it's always just fine 🫩

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we're talking, kinda, again

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i don't know

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i feel sick

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i want to cry

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i cant

cunning raven
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and i mean

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i did most of it

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but cleaning the bathroom is really really hard for me for some reason

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everything is just SO dusty

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and theres loose hair

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everywhere

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it makes me want to cry

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i think about lying to myself often. i consider it often.

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i don't like stability

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i like moving, i like not having w stable social circle, i like people who are unstable

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i like dealing with it

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it's easier than stability

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and sometimes i think i should just

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stop searching for that

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i should just settle and be okay

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shucks

cunning raven
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i js have to pee, bht i'm too scared yo use yhe restroom

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and i wass asleep beogre i jokted awake

cunning raven
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woke up again at 4

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it's 6 and i feel like shit

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i get to sleep in at the cost of missing a math test. sad.

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at least we sleep

cunning raven
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i'm so tired

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not tired

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i don't know

cunning raven
sleek talon
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Hi

cunning raven
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Hello

cunning raven
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spooky

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leg hurts sb

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i have a doctors appointment tomorrow

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i'm also supposed to take my road test tomorrow..

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i haven't practiced or anything

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sigh

cunning raven
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i think i ahve a problem where when i resent someone, even in the slightest, i look for a reason to dislike them

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he's so

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augh

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he's casually ableist on the daily

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he's so

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frustrating

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i hate the types of jokes he makes

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i think jokes about feminine dudes are stupid and (majority of the time) ableist

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i don't even have other reasons to dislike him

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it's just this

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i'm so immature 🫩

cunning raven
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road test in like ten minutes

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pray for me

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i have thirty minutes behind the wheel at home

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🥹

cunning raven
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i passed

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🎉

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cannot wait to retake it in december

cunning raven
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where do i begin

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dont get me started

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was told it was probably lymes disease or untreated strep

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got blood work done today and a lil hass come back

cunning raven
cunning raven
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months of untreated strep

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apparently

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and i need physical therapy

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and im anemic

cunning raven
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dude is freaky, i believe theres a possibility he's spoken of me to those in his life

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which is fine, but i know he was honest and someone told him i was bad

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it's disappointing

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i'm rather ashamed of who i used to be, as i should be

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but

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uuugh.

cunning raven
# cunning raven i miss

i was planning on talking last night, but didn't, and now i'm so curious on what i was going to say

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i care about how i'm perceived, obviously, but i'm frustrated

cunning raven
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i don't want to frustrating, though i know i am, and i'm trying to word it

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it's like

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ugh

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i want to ask if i should reach out or not, asking as it's just weird, but

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it'd be embarrassing to sympathize too, i think though

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i should stop trying to talk to him, logically i know that, but i cannot help but feel like i shoukd keep talking

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"hey i'm sorry to ask, based off if past behavior, but would you prefer if i stopped reaching out? i've been thinking about [you] for awhile now and realized i have a lot of mixed emotions, it's really unfair how i dealt with those when talking to you in the past and i'm sorry."

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that doesn't even make sense 🫩

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i don't know why i feel the need to explain

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"hey, i'm sorry to ask, but would you prefer if i stopped reaching out? i don't reach out often, but i've been thinking about [you] lately and have a subconscious need to 'fix' the way i've treated you"

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haha

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kill me

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"hey, i'm sorry to ask, but would you prefer if i stopped reaching out? admittedly i don't reach out often, but i've been thinking about [you] lately and there's more but i can't word it in a way that makes sense. just wondering if i should stop, as i understand it's frustrating."

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ok

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humiliation is something i thrive on i think

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growing up being humiliated 24/7 does something to a guy 😳

polar sedge
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Is this that guy…?

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Yeah no, just to be safe I’ll delete, srry

cunning raven
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wait stop what im spooked

cunning raven
polar sedge
polar sedge
cunning raven
polar sedge
cunning raven
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OH

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OHHH

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OH

polar sedge
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Yeah

cunning raven
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IM SORRY. i forget this is a public server, my apologies.

polar sedge
cunning raven
cunning raven
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i wish i was asked how im doing so i could just be honest

cunning raven
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it's suffocating to say i love you to someone in a romantic manner while meaning it and just not being able to be with them

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i probably could've gotten back with him, if i had put in the effort, but i didn't and instead told him to stop and now i'm here

cunning raven
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i'm paranoid right now

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i think my mom working nights is bad for paranoia

cunning raven
cunning raven
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messaged around 12, in a paranoid stupor, to no response

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went to unsent it to find out i couldn't 🫩

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it's now three thirty and i'm dreading the possible responde

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i just need to stop

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my sotmaxh hurts

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sn

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sb

cunning raven
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replaying little nightmares complete edition 😉

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exciting

cunning raven
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it's suffocating being alone

cunning raven
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even on my dreams my envy is horrible

cunning raven
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what's the point, man

cunning raven
cunning raven
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i feel loved such a jerk, dude

cunning raven
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life is upsetting

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probably going to sleep soon, but thinking

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i get sad when i realize i don't have anyone

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it's an unhealthy expectation to wish for someone to be dependent on i as i am on them, but i still want

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everyone already has someone

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and i have no one

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that's pretty fucking sad

cunning raven
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tired

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i don't want to be alone yet the only person i want is uninterested in talking 🫩

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tjis ks kinda funny

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cuz if you like

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think about it

brave quartz
cunning raven
cunning raven
cunning raven
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we were ghosted, btw 🫰

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right after they said they'd always be open to helping

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marvelous

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and i still idolize + miss them 😳

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ok

cunning raven
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writing down to not forget

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dreamed of pilice force being involved w mentak health

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actually the worst dream ive ever had

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felt too real running through backyards trying to call a friend

cunning raven
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why is applying for a job super hell

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oh my god

cunning raven
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there's no way man

IMG_9838.png
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i'm trying to

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like

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not be resentful or grossed out or whatever

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but my god please dude

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i feel crazy for considering this weird

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i'm trying to understand the others perspective, but i cannot comprehend a queer, more specifically gay, person saying this.

cunning raven
cunning raven
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maybe

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just a little

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i believe he's dating the senior he was talking about

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i hope he's happy, but i do hope we cross paths again

cunning raven
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i don't want to do finals tomorrow

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i want to sleep forever

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please

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everything is so bad

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i don't want this

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please

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everything is so unfair

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i know its just life but i just want one day

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please

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i wish everyone in my life wasn't so fuckinh selfish

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i wish my mom hadn't had me

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i wish she wasn't a selfish piece of shit

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it's not fair

cunning raven
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giggling i remember when my ex, not the one dating the senior, compared us to jack n ennis

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when i told him not to do that because we'd be doomed hr said it wouldn't happen

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i think thats funny

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i passed my three finals today, only two more

cunning raven
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he made a joke

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i hate when people joke when im trying to be serious

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i don't think im taken seriously, which is fine, i don't care anymore

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he follows my two closest friends and i hate it

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i hate it so much

cunning raven
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i might get a slurpee today

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im actually so happy

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everyone hope and pray leah us able to go w me to get a slurpee okay

cunning raven
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abhhhhh

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it was so good

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i saw ducks and lady bugs and gor ro walk around with leah!

cunning raven
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im going to rip my shirt off like that wolf meme

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im so upset

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i posted asking for people to hope (CLEARLY JOKING I MUGHT ADD) that i get hired to walmart if i apply

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and the comments are all "arent you fifteen you cant do that"

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its so

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angering

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i wouldn't fucking apply if i couldnt be hired

cunning raven
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kinda forgot when.

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i think augusy

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yes

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but

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she likes the beatles

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i like them too, actually

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so i'm getting her beatles stuff and i'm going to try and find something more meaningful as well

cunning raven
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i'm so tired its not fair i have been fighting for a diagnosis for years

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fml

cunning raven
cunning raven
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i thijk im reallt pathetic actually

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i don't really mind it that much, in theory, but thrrr is always shame

cunning raven
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haha

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i rwached out and asked if we were done yalking

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im such a fucking jerk

cunning raven
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dude

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i have

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no right at all to be upset

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but i am so

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so

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upset

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i could actually throw up

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no picture nor gif nor song could portray the utter

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i don't even know what the feeling is

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it's just cold

cunning raven
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this is so

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fuck

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it was SO avoidable if i had just

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dude

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i'm

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so

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🫩🫩

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i don't want to cut him off

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i want to scream but nothing with come out

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its not even this situation

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its just everythjng and this is the tipping point

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my life is a big joke

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it's probably best to be honest, but

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how do i be honest?

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"i think i suddenly regained feelings and it feels really cold when you talk about this girl but i lost you so long ago and treated you so poorly i can't really be upset you moved on, yet i still am. i don't really know what to do because i'm SO resentful towards you and i don't even know why but i miss you so much but we barely talk and i just want you to tell me you love me but it doesn't work like that and i juet dont know what to do"

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is a high school rls even this serious

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man is graduating next year while im going to be a sophmore

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it's never that serious

cunning raven
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fml

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fml

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god

cunning raven
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i really need someone ti tell me how to feel

cunning raven
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i fuckiny hate my mom

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why would you have a kid you don't love

cunning raven
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i need like

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a list of stuff to do this summer

cunning raven
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trying not to like

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stress..

cunning raven
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it's so

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uu

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gh

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everything hurts

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i need to watch little women and ann with an e asap

cunning raven
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auuugh

cunning raven
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holy carp im

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so

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stupid

cunning raven
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so

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i'll do what i did last time

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delete his number and wait for him to text first for once

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🫰

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i accidentally called him when i went to delete his number.

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i can't even make this up.

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oh my god

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this is so

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oh

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ky gir

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im going

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i cannot be here

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auugh

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uuughh

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this is peak hughschool embarrassment

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i could actually sink to the depths of hell

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i need to be annihilated

cunning raven
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today i mentioned to my mother i stared reading Jennete McCurdys book, I'm glad my mother died

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tw; child sexual assault, imo

||she said and i quote, "i would never inspect you nor let anyone else". i couldn't help but laugh uncomfortably and leave the room, as she has already failed me in that regard. i really hate my mom, i think. i would mourn her, yes, but not for long. that's an intense way to put it, but i lack better wording. she is the most oblivious, entitled, ignorant, person i have ever met. i am no better, but i have never let my child be sexually abused while i abuse them myself.||

it's bare fucking minimum, but i am proud that i am not like her.

cunning raven
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i got jake the dog!!!!

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im soso happy

cunning raven
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i need some type of anonymous messaging board for the things that cannot be said in here

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not bad things, just things i'd rather remain anonymous for

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i feel cruel for the jealousy i hold to other people

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theres no good reason for jealousy, really

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i am jealous of those sicker than i am, those who struggle to stand and who are beat and bruised

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i am jealous of those who are healthier than i am, the ones who don't rely on medication, the ones who have nice relationships with their parents, those who don't cry at night from the delusion of a man outside their window

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i'm so tired

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i cannot wait to get out of this house

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i feel so pathetic

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constantly

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i feel like a dog

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it doesn't even make sense

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i just feel so pathetic

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i feel so miserable

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i am so miserable

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i want to throw up

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i want to lie in a bed that feels real in a body that feels mine

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i really don't like this feeling

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i just want someone to care

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not out of obligation

cunning raven
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🫩🫩

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i have found a new hatred for everything and nearly everyone

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it's sad, it's a constant knock in my head reminding me that this really is my life

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i feel so stupid for feeling so unlovable, as i am young as most definitely will find another in the future

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but it's so

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dull

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everything

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just dull and gray

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i don't want to wait for the future i want to be loved now

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that's too much to ask for, though

cunning raven
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older friend whom i haven't spoken to in about a month finally got back to me 🥹🥹

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i'm so happy i actually started crying it's bad cuz he's older and all but i love him SO much he's so fucking comforting

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ugh i appreciate him so much. i'm so glad we were able to catch up a little bit.

cunning raven
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i'm going to make more friends yes, but it's a wee bit daunting

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i would like in person friends vs online ones

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buttt

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i've had this journal for nearly a year! (7-8 months, basically a year)

cunning raven
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i would, kind of, like to be his friend but he is SO intimidating

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i ordered a figure a week or so ago and it comes soon im soso excited

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(slightly revealing)

SPOILER_IMG_9916.png
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i feel the meed to clarify non of them are naked

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the one that looks like that is js wearing a pink bikini

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but im soso excited

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i really want to start collecting things

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i feel like that gives a purpose to get iut of the house

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as stupid as it sounds i really want to collect merch

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hmm

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what character

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i like bakugo a lot and he's a very popular character

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probably him as my second option (super sonico, the character in the pic) is a mascot for a nsfw brand and majority of her characters are butt booty naked (╥﹏╥)

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on super sonico though

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i REALLY want her gloomy bear fig

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i ahte how expensive it is

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she's so cute 🥹🥹

cunning raven
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tired

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body hurts

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joints hurt

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everything hurts

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i miss feeling loved

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i miss when my joints didn't hurt like a mf

cunning raven
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i feel so

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weird

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conflicted

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i don't know why

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i want to cry but also not really

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i exhibit attention seeking behaviors often

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i used to lie

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i don't, anymore, but

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i want the attention

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i want someone to feel obligated to care

cunning raven
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i wouldn't text if i could

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but i am hoping

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he texts

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but also kinda not

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it's

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bad

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i miss being close witn edy i think

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i really despise the kind if person he is

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but

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i miss the calls

IMG_9982.png
cunning raven
#

I find myself yearning for a guy i dated two years ago. I don't even remember the relationship, but we were talking earlier this month and i realized he's what i look for in everything. i'm so distraught. how can i miss something i trauma blocked so long ago? do i miss him or do i miss the comfort he gave in him telling me it'd be okay? why do these feelings resurface now, two years later, when he's talking about his new girl and i decide it's best to stop talking? i miss when his mom would say hi to me i miss when my mom, who doesn't even care about my personal life, asked if he was okay. i miss him so bad and i don't think we'll ever talk again. i'm so, so, distraught.

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i'm so sick! one cannot miss something they cannot remember yet here i am! this is horrible.

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annnnddd into the journal after it's ignored in the vent channel ❤️‍🩹

cunning raven
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why does no one care

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#nervous

cunning raven
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i feel so dependent on other people to feel okay and i'm so tired of it 🫩 i used to just jump from relationship to relationship to always have someone, but i haven't been able to move on from my ex and it's torture. i want to be honest and tell him how i'm feeling, but i'm so aware of how pathetic i come off as and it's stopping me. i've never cared about how i'm perceived until recently and i'm convinced everyone sees me as some pitiful thing that can't be alone, i'm so tired. i want to be honest with my ex and either get him back or move on. i just want to move past this situation it's been two years, man. all of my friends say it's embarrassing and to just get over it and it's making me insane. i don't want to stop caring, i mean i do, but not really. i don't really care about a lot of things and this is something i feel a crap ton for. it's frustrating. i don't know what i'm supposed to even do in this situation. therapy is obvious, but i don't have access currently. it's so auuuughhhhh. i keep going back and forth in whether or not i should tell him just to get a reaction and go from there, cuz like, if he's uninterested i'll move on. it's just augh.

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again from the vent channel

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auughhu

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i need this to go away

cunning raven
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i neeedddduuuuhhh

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i really miss

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auughhhhyhbjkndt

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tuus is bad

eternal totem
cunning raven
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💔💔

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ok wait thats not meant to be a dig at you

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dont take it like that

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pleSe

eternal totem
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i didnt take it like that dw

cunning raven
cunning raven
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were both yearning for ex's who are now seniors

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rhey look so similar too

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its so funny

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haha

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im going to not kill myself

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yeah

eternal totem
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thats something ig

cunning raven
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yes

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definitely

eternal totem
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yes

cunning raven
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like "oh yeah that does/doesnt sound like a good idea, do/dont do it"

eternal totem
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lwk real
whenever someone tells me exactly what to do its so much easier

cunning raven
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indeed

cunning raven
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i miss her sm

eternal totem
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hmmm should i sleep or no

cunning raven
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we still talk but were not as close

eternal totem
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its 12:28 am

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hmmmm

cunning raven
cunning raven
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sob

eternal totem
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im so bad at comforting people bro mb

cunning raven
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it wasnt helpful

cunning raven
cunning raven
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i gotta taje my own advice

eternal totem
cunning raven
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i'm almost at that point

cunning raven
eternal totem
cunning raven
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it's just me talking to myself 🥹🥹

cunning raven
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my advice isn't perfect though it's horrible

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but yes

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yes

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yes

eternal totem
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yes

cunning raven
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i haven't hmm

eternal totem
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mine doesnt have TWO FUCKING THOUSAND COMMENTS cough cough

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its pretty evil and scary in there i have very evil and scary thoughts

cunning raven
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mine is like that majority of the time it's alright 🥹🥹

cunning raven
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i've har this journla awhile now

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like 8-9 months

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theres someone on here, i've never interacted w her, but she has like 15k comments in her journal its insane

eternal totem
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thats actually dedication

cunning raven
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literally dude

eternal totem
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i wish bro ong

cunning raven
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holy carp

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not words

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comments

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same thing

eternal totem
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boly

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fuck man

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thats insane

cunning raven
eternal totem
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aw man no gifs?

cunning raven
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what made me delete his number was the fact i asked a pathetic question and it went unanswered

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idk how i could comeback from it

cunning raven
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i wish gifs were enabled

eternal totem
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☹️

cunning raven
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makes sense they aren't thiugh

eternal totem
cunning raven
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still got that number saved

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i REALLY want to explain it all to him dude

eternal totem
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😭😭

cunning raven
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it feels really unfair how i've treated him since we broke up and i never really processed what led to the on and off

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ok bht

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but

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let me be frustrated for a second, putting aside i wasn't a great person in the relationship after the breakup

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HE LED ME ON FOR SO FREAKING LING

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LONG

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oouuhhh

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dont get me started

eternal totem
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ok sorry its actually so late here i shohld sleep

cunning raven
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it's the cherry on top i think cuz we never broke up for a real reason other than me being hospitalized and being stressed that it worsened his mental illness

eternal totem
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gn

cunning raven
cunning raven
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i wish i remembered more of the relationship, dude

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dating at the lowest point of your life has consequences, i suppose. trauma blocking all if that time period blocks the relationship

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maybe we did break uo for a reason

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hmm

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i should ask but like

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thats

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not

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uhhh..

cunning raven
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i know its sometime in june

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i should ask

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i give myself too much credit

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him being in school is relevant in my mind as i wouldn't want to upset him during like

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finals week or whatever

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but

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someone who plays such a small role in your life doesn't matter very much

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i think i'll reach out tomorrow and tell him i'm probably done trying to talk on my end, maybe explain some

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i dooonnnttg know

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and to think i was planning on ||relapsing|| 😳😳🌹

IMG_0001.png
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my mom says she's FINALLY getting me a bike 😳

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im soo excited i get to apply to work now

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i

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i

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uhh

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i get to do everything i couldn't without a bike, yeah

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i really want a disgustingly greasy mcdonalds cheeseburger rn ☹️

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first person to ever utter those words

cunning raven
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it's rainign!

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im so happy

cunning raven
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just saw a mikayuu edit 😳 i love them

SPOILER_IMG_0006.jpg
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me

cunning raven
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i just woke up, it's almost two pm 🫩

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last night i dreamt about edy

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horrifying

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he keeps popping up in my dreams it's so

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interesting

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dream was weeeiiirrddd

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he like

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came for a visit ??

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it was great in the dream and the me in the dream had no more resentment afterwards but like

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idk

cunning raven
cunning raven
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i keep thinking and thinking and thinking

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i don't think keeping contact is good, but i can't sit with this guilt

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i don't even know what's making me feel so guilty. maybe just the instability i bring

cunning raven
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i'm so stupid

cunning raven
cunning raven
# cunning raven i think i'll reach out tomorrow and tell him i'm probably done trying to talk on...

hi i really don't think we're going to talk again, which is fine, but i just feel like i really owe you an apology. jumping from no contact to contact over the past two years was really unfair towards you and i mean i hope you really just don't care, but it sucked on my end. i hold a lot of resentment towards you, which i don't really understand, and when i texted in January i really thought i had gotten over it. clearly, i haven't, and reflecting more i just kinda realized i never fully got over viewing you in a romantic way. i'm really sorry for popping up again after the year (?) of no contact, it was selfish. this message might also be selfish, but i've been sitting with it for the past two-three weeks and it's starting to effect my mental health. i'm sorry though and i do hope whatever relationship you have with that girl works out along with your mental health improving 🙂‍↕️

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getting motivated

cunning raven
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supposed to receive specifics soon

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sigh

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rewatching my fav episode of wayne

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prom episode, episode 6 i believe

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mm i love them sb

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its SO cringy but god 🥹

cunning raven
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im crying actually

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i love them

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so much

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im so fucking sad

cunning raven
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i miss

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so bad

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im so fucking mad all the goddamn time

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i just

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🫩

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holy shit i need to die

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holy SHIT i miss someone so bad right now

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there not even a person

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i just miss

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i miss and i miss and i miss

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i want to fucking die

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i ordered a figure

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it's a funko pop, ew, but the fandom it's from has such little merch

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it's not even a character i like, but i'm excited!