occasional rants and rambles || matt | The Therapy Center | Page 2

cunning raven Nov 13, 2025, 6:01 AM

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i have nothing right now

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no coping mechanisms at all

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no support system

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i have fucking nothing

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maybe i am i nothing

cunning raven Nov 13, 2025, 6:21 AM

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i ssny ti diee oh my gid

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i want someone to csre

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i feel hopeless n scsred n everything eise

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i just want to disappear

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i wabt to be loved

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i dont want to be slone

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j aabf someone to care

cunning raven Nov 13, 2025, 1:28 PM

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last night wasn't me brah

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it was a hacker 🤔🤔

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i wm sane

cunning raven Nov 13, 2025, 3:33 PM

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oh my godd

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im so upset today

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hmm

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teacher moved the guy who sits next to me in world culture because he's convinced i'm a loser

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dawg

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everytime HE sits me next to a male he makes oneof us move

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in the nicest way possible he sat menext to someone i strongly dislike

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i dont even know why i dislike. her

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i just really do

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and omg

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she can't respect personal space

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her knees r always in my space to the point i brush up against them anytime i move

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kh my godd

cunning raven Nov 14, 2025, 1:32 AM

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i feel very hopeless

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i think it's stupid how i'm honestly looking forward to the procedure thing tomorrow, purely for the fact i'll be able to ||relapse|| afterwards

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very sad

cunning raven Nov 14, 2025, 2:37 AM

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unironically merry christmas, please don't call is the only thing that makes me feel semi hopeful 💔

cunning raven Nov 14, 2025, 3:06 AM

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realized i'm nit responsible fir him 🤔🤔

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started talking about weed like "oh im so alone its almost stavia saturday" or whatever the drug is called

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who carreeesssssuh

cunning raven Nov 14, 2025, 4:49 PM

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minor surgery thing is soon

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i'll get there in 10 minutes and the actual procedure is in an hour

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very scary

cunning raven Nov 14, 2025, 8:05 PM

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i live!

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ohh

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very drousy

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sleepy

cunning raven Nov 15, 2025, 2:03 PM

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ok yesterday

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it wasn't that bad!

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we got there and waited fir like an hours

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they made mr takr a pregnancy test...

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omg

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the lasybwho put my iv in was so obviously new

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i was hella dehydrated

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abd she insisted it has to go in my hand

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so she starts FISHING for a vein in my hand even though theres veins in my arms that don't need fishing

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i then almost pass out because she doesn't hold down the vein while connecting it and blood starts dripping everywhere 🥀

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then they took me baxk n i don't remember

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ok

cunning raven Nov 15, 2025, 7:57 PM

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ih my god i feep like j'm dying 🥹🥹

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i feels like my jaw bone is bruised a nd like theres hot coals in mu stomach h

cunning raven Nov 15, 2025, 7:58 PM

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cunning raven realized i'm nit responsible fir him 🤔🤔

AND this guy decided to text about how he doesn't feel good

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feel good my ass

cunning raven Nov 15, 2025, 8:09 PM

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cunning raven so she starts FISHING for a vein in my hand even though theres veins in my arms ...

she also INSISTED she put the iv in my hand

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oh my gid

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i almost paases out n threw up 💔💔

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was deadass sobbing

cunning raven Nov 15, 2025, 11:02 PM

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cunning raven AND this guy decided to text about how he doesn't feel good

i stillc are though

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just a little

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it's hard to not care about someone you love

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it's proof you loved em i suppose, but still

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it's hard to not care about ahyone actually

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i feel mean leaving people alone

cunning raven Nov 16, 2025, 1:50 AM

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i feel sappy and sentimental right now

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it makes me feel lonely

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aw dude that sam guy left the server

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he was nice

cunning raven Nov 16, 2025, 1:51 AM

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cunning raven i feel sappy and sentimental right now

i wish i had a partner at this time

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someone who lives nearby

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i wish it would snow

cunning raven Nov 16, 2025, 1:55 AM

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cunning raven i stillc are though

i deleted the chat and i'm frankly going crazt

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i miss them much so

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i think my most prominent symptom of bpd is unstable relationships

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wdym i've been on n iff with this guy for a year after dating for only a month

cunning raven Nov 16, 2025, 2:28 AM

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omg

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im thinking about rhis guy i dated in 2022-2023

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when he got his wisdom teeth removed

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n made me sit opt with him

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n he sent me a snap of him mewing with the caption "holy shit my jawline is immaculate rn"

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pls

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it was bery funny n nos im giggking

cunning raven Nov 16, 2025, 3:44 AM

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cunning raven i deleted the chat and i'm frankly going crazt

i requested to follow n when they ask about it tomorrow i'll ask if we can js be mutuals

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i will also apologize for how i've treated them

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i've thought a lot

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i don't treat a lot of people well

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i hid behind being bipolar n bpd, but i was scared of responsibility

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i will no longer be afraid of that

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an older friend reached out tonight

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i don't know why but we talked a lik

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lil

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i apologized for how i treated them

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another ex friend i was closer with was added to the call

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we barely spoke

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i didn't reach out to any of them.

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i told them i'd be right back n they started talking

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"i dont know if we can firgive them"

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"is it wrong if i don't forgive them yet"

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and o scrambled to pick up the pieces

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i don't know why, i mean THEY reached out

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byt still

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it makes me feel gross

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hearing them talk like that

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originally we stopped being friends because inwas already in a bad spot looking to isolate myself

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i essentially told them i was tired of the friendship and then "ghosted" them

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i don't think it was ghosting because i gave a reason, even if it was bad, but whatever

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it feels suspicious to me

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i feel bad saying that because they're (kinda) good/nice people, but do i need this in my life?

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i am doing no better than i was then

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i don't feel good

cunning raven Nov 16, 2025, 12:49 PM

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horrible dreams

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oh my god

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i want to die

cunning raven Nov 16, 2025, 9:52 PM

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i might go to vidcon again this year, isn't that cool?

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if i do go i hope 2kawii4comfort will be there

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yesyesyes

cunning raven Nov 16, 2025, 11:10 PM

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omg fortnite players r insufferable

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i hate this game idk why im tryna get back into it

cunning raven Nov 17, 2025, 12:16 AM

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cunning raven i will also apologize for how i've treated them

lol im thinking about doing this to my ex bestfriend

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they the only one i know who has a computer, i want a gaming buddy again

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🤔🤔

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"guys guys i knkw you hate me, but you're the only person i know who has a computer and i miss being friends. im very sorry for being immature and i'd very very like for you to consider being friends again 🥹🥹 i value u yesyes"

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holy fucking shit i'm immature

cunning raven Nov 17, 2025, 2:44 AM

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hello relapse

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what the helly

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oh my paranoia i'm convinced i gave myself nerve damage now

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i could fucking sob

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im scared

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i miss my ex

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i wish someone would reach out

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god i am very pathetic sometimes

cunning raven Nov 17, 2025, 5:53 AM

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mm i hate how anxiety symptoms can manifest physically

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i hate myself

cunning raven Nov 18, 2025, 4:07 PM

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Ok so

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okokokok

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I have a reason to live

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at least until the ejdnof the school year

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ky world culture teacher will start a bid for the items in his classroom at the end of the year because he is returing

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LOOK AT THIS BEAUTIFUL KITE FROM CHINA HE HAS

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OHHHH

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THAT WILL BE MINE

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MARK MY WORDS

cunning raven Nov 21, 2025, 3:33 AM

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saw my med provider tdy

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and had thwrapy yesterday agter my mother saw my cuts

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hate this broo

cunning raven Nov 21, 2025, 3:34 AM

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cunning raven saw my med provider tdy

put me on three new meds

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fucking insane

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one for anxiety

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one for anxieyy and sleep

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one for pre anxiety attacks

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||kmsssas||

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matts sad thoughts pt. two

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back to the old name

cunning raven Nov 22, 2025, 11:29 PM

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idk where the msg is from a few weeks ago saying ud make a gift guide

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i finally made one tho

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peak

cunning raven Nov 25, 2025, 2:33 PM

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very tired

cunning raven Nov 28, 2025, 1:39 AM

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happy thanksgiving

cunning raven Nov 29, 2025, 4:51 PM

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theres a storm

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winter storm

cunning raven Dec 1, 2025, 6:38 AM

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i want to die

cunning raven Dec 3, 2025, 5:55 AM

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giving myself a deadline to come out to my mother, for various reasons

cunning raven Dec 5, 2025, 4:35 AM

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my head hurts

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so

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so

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so bad.

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im near tears

cunning raven Dec 6, 2025, 6:04 AM

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my mother may get arrested for shoplifting

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fuck me dude

cunning raven Dec 6, 2025, 6:04 AM

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cunning raven my mother may get arrested for shoplifting

might also die in het fucking sleep because she got hit by a tsble thibg

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currently its 12:00, i have checked on her sleeping and she is alright, but still

cunning raven Dec 6, 2025, 6:05 AM

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cunning raven my mother may get arrested for shoplifting

she lied to me about it

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i want to die

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i am fucking fourteen

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i shouldn't have to worry about a grown woman

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she told me she cant go to stores or anything without me

cunning raven Dec 6, 2025, 6:06 AM

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cunning raven i am fucking fourteen

the worst part?

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i'm so selfish, with all of this, the money problems, the turning to shop lifting, i still never want to talk to her again

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she said i'd havr "a crszy college essay"

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fuck dude

cunning raven Dec 10, 2025, 5:02 AM

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birthday in three days

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very lucky

wary nexus Dec 10, 2025, 5:08 AM

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happy early birthday unc

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🎉

cunning raven Dec 11, 2025, 5:38 AM

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two days

cunning raven Dec 12, 2025, 12:24 AM

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one day, friday

cunning raven Dec 13, 2025, 3:59 PM

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birthday

weary egret Dec 13, 2025, 6:13 PM

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cunning raven birthday

Happy Birthday bud!

cunning raven Dec 14, 2025, 12:32 AM

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weary egret Happy Birthday bud!

rahhh thank you, much appreciated appreciated

cunning raven Dec 14, 2025, 12:33 AM

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cunning raven birthday

unfortunately i am immature and $10 has been wasted on adopt me 😢 thats okay tho 🤔🤔

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i also got my mother a christmas gift, in all honesty it sucks and i'm rather ashamed i couldn't get her a better gift, but she gets out of PHP chistmas eve and i got her a pocket cat holding a sign saying she's "purr-fect"

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lol

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i think she'll like it, but still

cunning raven Dec 14, 2025, 12:36 AM

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cunning raven unfortunately i am immature and $10 has been wasted on adopt me 😢 thats okay th...

i bought one of my dreamies 🥹

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i'm a happy camper

cunning raven Dec 14, 2025, 12:37 AM

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cunning raven i bought one of my dreamies 🥹

"i am so joyous, i am so joyous!!" as the trade was processing

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finals r next week

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i'm so fried 😢

cunning raven Dec 14, 2025, 1:25 AM

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cunning raven i also got my mother a christmas gift, in all honesty it sucks and i'm rather as...

this

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i think it's cute

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it looks like garfeild

cunning raven Dec 14, 2025, 2:49 AM

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i am tired, i feel sad

cunning raven Dec 14, 2025, 3:07 AM

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cunning raven this

cancelled the order

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very sad

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i am getting her a word search workbook and one of these

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lol

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i'm not sure which one, i'll probably get both for her eventually

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i think i'll just get the patch for now

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i hate spending money, especially on other people

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it's been drilled in my mind to not spend too muvh on anyone or anything

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but i got her the patch, it looks like our fat cat alexander hamilton, and two workbooks

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one specifically full of word searches and the other being misc puzzles

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i really hope she'll enjoy this

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i feel gguilty getting her something and also not getting anytging

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anyway

cunning raven Dec 14, 2025, 3:20 AM

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cunning raven but i got her the patch, it looks like our fat cat alexander hamilton, and two w...

the cat in question

cunning raven Dec 14, 2025, 3:22 AM

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cunning raven i feel gguilty getting her something and also not getting anytging

i feel sad spending birthday money on it

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i really

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really

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hope she likes it

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not in an "i'll like anything you get me" way, but in a genuine way

cunning raven Dec 14, 2025, 5:17 AM

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i miss my ex for the first time in a while

cunning raven Dec 15, 2025, 5:07 AM

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i wish i could relapse

cunning raven Dec 15, 2025, 4:36 PM

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i feel so joyful !

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i'm so excited for next years strength and performance class

cunning raven Dec 17, 2025, 2:03 AM

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time has been going by so quickly, i have been so full of energy !!

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i wonder if i'm manic

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hmm

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who cares

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finals tomorrow !!!!! im so excited

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only my world cultures final though

cunning raven Dec 17, 2025, 1:36 PM

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theres an individual i'd like to befriend

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i am too scared currently to talk to em though

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i hope they look similar after winter break so i can (hopefully) talk to them properly 🤔

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i have only one final today

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i will be sitting around for 200 minutes

cunning raven Dec 17, 2025, 3:18 PM

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cunning raven theres an individual i'd like to befriend

they seem very polite, we didn't talk, but they smiled at me 🤔

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heh

cunning raven Dec 17, 2025, 5:32 PM

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i have thirty minutes sitting around before my mother is able to pick me up

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i really have to dookie 😢

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i think i did ok on my world cultures final though !

cunning raven Dec 18, 2025, 1:09 PM

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cunning raven theres an individual i'd like to befriend

their name is owen

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very fire

cunning raven Dec 18, 2025, 8:06 PM

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cunning raven "i am so joyous, i am so joyous!!" as the trade was processing

i bought more 😢

cunning raven Dec 19, 2025, 3:29 AM

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i enjoy being able to choose a new identity as i'm starting to come out

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i hate how everyone reacts though

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or maybe they react normally and my self esteem or whatever in this sense has been ruined

cunning raven Dec 19, 2025, 3:29 AM

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cunning raven i enjoy being able to choose a new identity as i'm starting to come out

its like i'm a baby

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i wonder how name change works

cunning raven Dec 22, 2025, 7:12 PM

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i feel so joyus today!

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i've been thinking long and hard about finding a job

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i'm currently 15 and starting drivers ed next semester!

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my mother has started getting silly little jobs off of facebook (i.e. bathing a dementia patient, wrapping presents for people, etc.) and i've thought about that a lot!

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i think once i'm officially able to drive on my own i will start offering to do long walks (an hour at very least) through the local prairie paths and whatnoy

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i live in a very veryy rich area, so i bet i could get good money for it 🤔🤔

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yesyesyes

cunning raven Dec 22, 2025, 10:41 PM

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jesus christ i am dehydrated

cunning raven Dec 22, 2025, 11:10 PM

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i chickened out of coming out:(

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i think i might just put up and trans flag in my room

cunning raven Dec 23, 2025, 1:22 AM

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wow🤔

cunning raven Dec 23, 2025, 6:18 AM

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cunning raven i miss my ex for the first time in a while

unfortunately i have been missing them as of late

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hm

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i think things could've worked out, but again i don't think so

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we were on two opposite sides if the sexual abuse trauma spectrum (kind of)

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personally i switch between hyper sexuality and asexuality quite often, sometimes my sex drive is high and other times the thought of anything inherently sexual repulses me

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hm

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my sexual trauma has also caused me to develop (heavily suspected) bpd, which i never really talked to them about

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i feel much better than i used to when we were last in contact

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maybe it's the affect of not being fourteen anymore, haha

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truly though, i miss and want to talk to them, i will (in all honesty) probably reach out

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i know i shouldn't, but i can't help it

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i mean

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i can, but i can't

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anywho

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i'll be getting a haircut soon. monday probably. a trim and layers.

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very excited

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my hair has grown very long

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not very long.. but longer

cunning raven Dec 23, 2025, 6:26 AM

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cunning raven truly though, i miss and want to talk to them, i will (in all honesty) probably ...

it would be after christmas if i did though. at least a day after. i do not want to risk ruining the idea of christmas

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holy shit i hype myself up too much, he doesn't care

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still though

cunning raven Dec 23, 2025, 9:32 PM

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cunning raven i chickened out of coming out:(

will write a letter tonight and tell her to process it in her mental health group, preferably reading it with her therapist tomorrow

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maybe

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im tired

cunning raven Dec 24, 2025, 5:40 AM

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cunning raven unfortunately i have been missing them as of late

cry

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i feel sad

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i miss them

cunning raven Dec 24, 2025, 7:14 AM

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cunning raven will write a letter tonight and tell her to process it in her mental health grou...

after christmas

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to tired

cunning raven Dec 26, 2025, 1:34 AM

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cunning raven it would be after christmas if i did though. at least a day after. i do not want...

probably tomorrow,,

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i want to before new years

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ha

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he probably won't even respond

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anywho!

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started getting in the habit of washing my face and brushing my teeth daily

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huzzah!

cunning raven Dec 26, 2025, 4:18 AM

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very tired

cunning raven Dec 26, 2025, 5:57 AM

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cunning raven probably tomorrow,,

waiting three more minutes until tomorrow 😢

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i feel sad

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and frustrated

cunning raven Dec 26, 2025, 8:57 AM

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we have plans to call:)

cunning raven Dec 27, 2025, 6:58 AM

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the past few days i have been unable to sleep until i physically can't stand it

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it's driving me crazy

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i feel my mental health deteriorating by the minute, but i just can't sleep

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along with that i love being alone, but i feel so utterly lonely at night

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sad, very sad

cunning raven Dec 27, 2025, 7:00 AM

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cunning raven the past few days i have been unable to sleep until i physically can't stand it

i should put it to good work

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clean my room, finally getting around to setting up my tv, writing my coming out letter...

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so much i could be doing

cunning raven Dec 27, 2025, 7:02 AM

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cunning raven the past few days i have been unable to sleep until i physically can't stand it

some impulsive urges too, in all honesty. reaching out to my ex, really wanting to relapse for no apparent reason, etc

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hmm

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idk

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anyway, finished morel orel today!

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last season was rather confusing to me

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i get it, but i don't

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odd

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i have been feeling fucking amazing recently, all this aside

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it feels good to feel okay

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i might dye my hair blue

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dark blue

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like this

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mm i like that shade a lot

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occasional rants and rambles || matt

cunning raven Dec 27, 2025, 9:28 AM

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cunning raven we have plans to call:)

we haven't called, but we've talked. i really like this guy. i'm trying to stay positive, but knowing how things have gone in the oast i doubt we'll work out, not thst were trying.

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i feel stupid fir getting my hopes up, but due to me feeling better i really hope i'll be able to handle this better than i have in the past:/

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heh

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i MIGHT make my profile myself

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i've been feeling more confident lately

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IOHHJI FORGOT TO SAT

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I GIT A WARMIE FOR CHRISTMAS, A DOG!!!

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GE'S SO CUTE I HAVE NAMED HIM JOEY!

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LOOOOOKKKUHHHU

cunning raven Dec 27, 2025, 11:34 PM

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flirting is hard

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i dont understand it

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i dont know why

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i always just sound stupid

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matbe i'm too neurodivergent to understand flirtiny

cunning raven Dec 28, 2025, 6:26 AM

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i want to be loved, but sometimes i worry i am broken

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like a musical instrument that only plays flats

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i feel sad

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i haven't taken my meds for the past two days, i don't think

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i need to take them

cunning raven Dec 29, 2025, 6:17 AM

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its so windy

cunning raven Dec 29, 2025, 8:23 AM

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there was apparently a tornado watch today

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hmmm

cunning raven Dec 30, 2025, 6:55 AM

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i think i want to die

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im tired

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i hate everything n i hate myself

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i think i deserve to die

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i don't want to ruin everything

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it's not going to work

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i want to die

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i hate this

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"i i i" i never shut up about myself

cunning raven Dec 30, 2025, 7:00 AM

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cunning raven we haven't called, but we've talked. i really like this guy. i'm trying to stay ...

it won't work out and i know it, but i'm so, so so so scared to be alone again

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i want him

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i wish it could work

cunning raven Dec 30, 2025, 10:46 PM

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i feel very bad today

cunning raven Dec 31, 2025, 5:36 AM

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cunning raven it's not going to work

boy oh fucking boy!

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was i right

cunning raven Dec 31, 2025, 6:33 AM

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i feel sad

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it ended bad

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very bad

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not argue bad, but worse

cunning raven Dec 31, 2025, 6:49 AM

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i miss him

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sigh

cunning raven Dec 31, 2025, 8:11 AM

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relapsed, but could honestly not gaf

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i feel pretty down

cunning raven Dec 31, 2025, 9:10 PM

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i'm still sad, but i see its for the best

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i'll probably miss the crap out of them next time i'm in a depressive episode and although i miss them now, i can't help but feel fucking amazing for not having constant sexual pressure on my shoulders

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i'm disappointed about being alone again though, i have to admit

cunning raven Jan 1, 2026, 7:50 AM

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my cat is so weird

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happy new years

cunning raven Jan 1, 2026, 7:51 AM

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cunning raven my cat is so weird

cunning raven Jan 1, 2026, 7:01 PM

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what's up with everyone who takes romantic interest in me being from the south

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arkansas, texas, Florida

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wtf

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not a fan

cunning raven Jan 2, 2026, 5:18 AM

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cunning raven i'll probably miss the crap out of them next time i'm in a depressive episode an...

miss em

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sigh

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im so frustrated at everyone n everything

cunning raven Jan 2, 2026, 8:42 AM

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lowkey hate having an eatint disordee

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hell man idek if im properky disordered

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i'm too skinny

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bht st the same time i crave to be as small and weak as possible

cunning raven Jan 3, 2026, 3:34 AM

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i'm tried kf peple 18+. eing the onlt people interested in me yo

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holy moly

cunning raven Jan 3, 2026, 6:14 AM

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cunning raven i'll probably miss the crap out of them next time i'm in a depressive episode an...

ok so had a freaking

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whats the word

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revelation

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yes has a revelation and realized i actually don't mind sexual pressure

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hah

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i hate it when it's in the respectful way

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isnt that funny?

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dude im going to end myself

cunning raven Jan 6, 2026, 7:45 AM

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i feel like crap

cunning raven Jan 9, 2026, 5:00 AM

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woah

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met a guy

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he's nice

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i like him 🥹

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he likes me

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were tlajing ✌️

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so awesome

cunning raven Jan 11, 2026, 4:33 AM

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i feel like shit

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i kinda hurt

cunning raven Jan 13, 2026, 4:39 AM

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i wonder where vision went

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hasn't updated in a hot minute

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hope he's alright

cunning raven Jan 14, 2026, 3:53 PM

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i feel sad about myself. since coming out to my mother my gender/body dysmorphia has gotten horrid

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i will ask my ma to talk about HRT with her therapist tomorrow

cunning raven Jan 17, 2026, 5:30 AM

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i feel sad

cunning raven Jan 17, 2026, 5:30 AM

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cunning raven i will ask my ma to talk about HRT with her therapist tomorrow

she said wait for therapist approval or whatever

cunning raven Jan 18, 2026, 4:07 AM

#

losing my mind bro

cunning raven Jan 19, 2026, 5:16 PM

#

cunning raven were tlajing ✌️

first time getting ghosted kinda nervous a_yellowinnocent

cunning raven Jan 22, 2026, 3:08 AM

#

i feel sad and i dont know why

cunning raven Jan 24, 2026, 7:34 PM

#

i feel like shit

cunning raven Jan 26, 2026, 6:13 AM

#

i resched out to an ex awhile back n its really nice to have him back in my life

#

i didn't realize how muxh i missed hom

#

he's asleep otp rn 😳😳 i feel special

cunning raven Jan 30, 2026, 7:24 AM

#

oh my fod

#

im crying

#

im so happy

#

im so goddamn haooy

#

happy

cunning raven Jan 31, 2026, 5:44 PM

#

i feel bad

#

mentally

#

i kinda just like

#

wanna die

#

but at the same time, not really

cunning raven Jan 31, 2026, 11:09 PM

#

cunning raven i didn't realize how muxh i missed hom

sigh

#

the problems with relationships i have are kicking my ass

#

i feel like i'm just an obligation

#

i brought it up last night and it was kinda like

#

blatant ignored?

#

i can't help but feel as if that confirmed im just an obligation

cunning raven Feb 6, 2026, 6:15 AM

#

i remember when i told my ex about my abuse

#

i guess i frgot i had told him already, but i yapped to him about it twice

#

i don't remember the first time, but i remember the second time

#

just, "i remember."

#

okay.

#

i feel really fucking sad.

cunning raven Feb 6, 2026, 6:16 AM

#

cunning raven i can't help but feel as if that confirmed im just an obligation

i'm an asshole to him

#

i told him to have some self respect after he basically relapsed

#

he said, "i do have self respect"

#

i told him he didn't if i was in his life

#

he said he wants me in his life, but i don't think i want him in mine

#

it makes me sick

#

#

i have never felt more sick in my life 😳😳

cunning raven Feb 12, 2026, 4:13 AM

#

met a guy a few weeks ago

#

i like him loads

#

he's so

#

cute

#

i love his voice so much

#

i want him to call me his baby

#

i want him to tell me he loves me

#

i want to tell him i love him

#

grr

#

i want to like

#

i wabt to be good for them

#

i feel sad

cunning raven Feb 12, 2026, 5:57 AM

#

as of the last few years have been imagining (and hoping) sports/exercising could be a healthy way to get out stress and to not harm myself. besides physical health problems, i just feel like i can't because of my mental health. i'm so paranoid and anxious about my health problems, a part of my brain is telling me it won't help in any way and i'm getting my hopes up for nothing, and another part of me has no motivation despite wanting this to the point it hurts. i've always been told i have so much potential athleticism wise and i want to BE that potential i want to be what i could be, but i'm struggling.

#

i feel very sad

cunning raven Feb 12, 2026, 6:05 AM

#

cunning raven i like him loads

he's asleep otp rn

cunning raven Feb 12, 2026, 6:33 AM

#

my god

#

i am infuriated now

#

i saw this while looking back at older messages

#

i'm still disappointed, but GOD i HATE how he tainted how i view sexual intimacy now

#

it was lust disguised as intimacy and it makes me sad

cunning raven Feb 12, 2026, 3:32 PM

#

cunning raven he's asleep otp rn

#

honored

cunning raven Feb 15, 2026, 1:50 AM

#

dude is held at lightsaber pount 💔💔

cunning raven Feb 15, 2026, 3:00 AM

#

#

💔

cunning raven Feb 18, 2026, 7:42 AM

#

cunning raven

asleep again

#

i feel schizo

#

he woke me up with sleep mumbling n im nit mad but i ess in the sun today and im overheating and i smell like sweat abd sun and it makes ne tuing ir summer camp

#

minus the fact he's sleeo mumbling about 67, but still

#

I CANT TELL IF HES AWAKE OR NOT IM LOSING IT

#

dude too eme to go to sleep ik hisnsleep i think ☹️☹️💔

#

#

im scarws im going to wake him uo im losing it

cunning raven Feb 19, 2026, 3:18 AM

#

edy is watching peak rn otp

#

tlw

#

so fucking peak

cunning raven Feb 19, 2026, 5:02 AM

#

so.

#

he finished it and he's not talking

#

im a wee bit concerned

#

cunning raven Feb 20, 2026, 5:24 AM

#

i can nevrr let things go

#

i feel sick

#

i miss my family so bad, why couldn't they change?

#

i changed for them.

#

i'm so goddamn fucking sad.

cunning raven Feb 22, 2026, 6:24 AM

#

the thought if intimacy makes me sick

#

i dislike the fact it's been warped so badly in my mind

#

my stomach hurts, i don't know if it's due to eating something, or to thinking about this

#

either way, it's not pleasant

#

i feel sad

#

i want to cry

#

not by myself, but with someone else with me

#

like

#

just sitting there

#

no comfort through words or touch, but just from there presence

#

uugh i want to go somewhere

#

i want to do something

#

i don't want to be here anymore

#

i want to throw up

#

i want to go for a run

#

i want to do something

#

but i'm so tired

#

will i always be this miserable?

cunning raven Feb 22, 2026, 4:21 PM

#

i am disgusting and i deserve to die

cunning raven Feb 22, 2026, 5:45 PM

#

i feel sick

#

i want to throw up

#

i want to sleep and never wake up

#

i never want this feeling again

cunning raven Feb 22, 2026, 6:30 PM

#

i don't want to talk to anyone

#

but i do, actually

#

not the people i have now though

#

i want people i don't have to beg to care

#

it's not fair

#

i want to die, i think

#

i miss something

#

i don't know what

#

just

#

something

#

i haven't felt in awhile

#

i miss it

#

so

#

bad

cunning raven Feb 22, 2026, 7:05 PM

#

i'm so fucking mad at everyone and everything

#

i hope everyone dies

#

i wish i could relapse

#

i want to die

cunning raven Feb 23, 2026, 5:57 AM

#

cunning raven i like him loads

really like

#

he likes me too

#

i hope something comes of this

#

i really, really do

cunning raven Feb 25, 2026, 3:34 AM

#

i feel sad

cunning raven Feb 27, 2026, 11:10 PM

#

cunning raven met a guy a few weeks ago

made him fluttershy bracelet

#

and will be making him a derpy one and a dr hooves one for me ^_^

#

and a rainbow dash for my friend, quinn. one big mac one for me too:3

#

i like bigmac

#

fluttershy one + plans fir tge others

#

i'm so excited bracelet making is fun

cunning raven Mar 2, 2026, 9:36 PM

#

god

#

this person in one of my group chats, one that's barely used, is so frustrating

#

he acts like he doesn't like us at all and gets offended when you call him out on it

#

i can't say anything or else i'll look like an asshole, but it's frustrating

#

i think i value communication extra much and when people don't communicate i get very resentful

cunning raven Mar 9, 2026, 5:53 AM

#

i feel so sad

#

i yearn for a feeling of comfort i've never felt before

#

i'm tired, i need to sleep

#

i feel so conflicted

#

i want to tear off my skin

#

i've made bad, horrible decisions throughout my life and i just want to tell someone

#

i do not have anyone to tell, however and it feels like my insides are being ripped apart day by day

#

i don't want to live like this, but i can't tell just anyone

#

it makes me truly sad

#

i need to go to sleep, but i cant

#

i just took my anti anxiety meds

#

i haven't been taking them

#

i wish i could die

#

i don't want to, not really, but i want to know i could do it

cunning raven Mar 11, 2026, 3:11 AM

#

bead and twine club tmr:3

cunning raven Mar 14, 2026, 4:45 AM

#

cunning raven i hope something comes of this

i really like him, he's very kind.

#

something will most definitely come from this, i just have to figure out how to ask..

#

he is asleep on the phone

#

he feels weird to be around

#

in a good way, obviously, but still weird

cunning raven Mar 17, 2026, 12:59 AM

#

boy may be a little clueless in regards to how to treat his friends

#

this frustrating as hell

#

he doesn't get he has to care for friends 🫩

cunning raven Mar 17, 2026, 3:45 AM

#

why was i ruined

#

why did you corrupt me when i was so young?

#

it's not fair

#

not fair at all

#

i want to be normal, i wanted to be normal

#

i want to feel love without lust, i want to be loved without lust

#

i want to be the teenager i am supposed to be, not the adult i am

#

i hate my life, truly

#

so, so much

cunning raven Mar 20, 2026, 4:39 AM

#

i want to die

#

i dislike my horrible mood swings and jealousy issues

#

i don't know why it's so bad, i hate it

#

the thought of anyone having anyone else besides me is sickening, when i don't know them

#

i don't know how to describe it

#

i feel truly sick and i don't know why

cunning raven Mar 21, 2026, 6:05 PM

#

i feel so hopeful for life, yet so miserable

cunning raven Mar 23, 2026, 12:40 AM

#

cunning raven first time getting ghosted kinda nervous <:a_yellowinnocent:1179405112679092254>

GHOSTED CUZ HE HAD A BOYFRIEND

#

THIS IS KILLING MEBRO

#

IDK WHY

cunning raven Mar 23, 2026, 8:42 PM

#

my chest hurts

cunning raven Mar 24, 2026, 2:03 AM

#

#

using this as word canvas ignores

#

cunning raven Mar 26, 2026, 12:05 AM

#

augh

#

km so ducking tired

#

all the time

#

i nvr have time 4 wgar i wabt

#

this is a form if torture

cunning raven Mar 27, 2026, 3:11 AM

#

i feel like dying

cunning raven Mar 29, 2026, 3:23 PM

#

in colorado...

long pewter Apr 1, 2026, 6:15 PM

#

hey man if you need someone to talk to i can help

#

i know am young but still i have helped a lot of people and hope to help you to

cunning raven Apr 2, 2026, 3:31 AM

#

cunning raven in colorado...

home from colorado

#

gotta hate traveling

cunning raven Apr 2, 2026, 3:32 AM

#

long pewter hey man if you need someone to talk to i can help

thank you, i'll kerp it in mond

long pewter Apr 2, 2026, 9:44 AM

#

alright if you need someone you can talk to man. am here

cunning raven Apr 3, 2026, 4:47 PM

#

i hate where i am in life

#

i won't hate it later, but i sure as hell hate it now

#

watching the new episode of the pitt

#

season two has made me cry, numerous times

#

i love mr. digby

#

so, so much

cunning raven Apr 4, 2026, 2:40 AM

#

one of the mods is following this channel WumpusHappy

#

kinda spooked

cunning raven Apr 4, 2026, 5:11 AM

#

#

am i supposed to swoon

polar sedge Apr 4, 2026, 12:43 PM

#

cunning raven one of the mods is following this channel <:WumpusHappy:823596339819446364>

Dwwww I don’t bite

cunning raven Apr 5, 2026, 2:12 AM

#

i'll believe you ☹️☹️

long pewter Apr 6, 2026, 4:24 PM

#

cunning raven i'll believe you ☹️☹️

he doesn't bite. believe me 🙂

cunning raven Apr 7, 2026, 4:56 AM

#

mental health has been rather horrible lately

#

tried to drive w my ma two days ago, ended with me crying in my room with her fuming 👀

#

incredibly embarrassing to email my de teacher saying i'm unable to drive at home

#

even more embarrassing because i can't exactly explain why..

#

"oh yeah, i just kinda hate my mom for putting me through childhood abuse and she hates me for not forgiving her"

#

🫩

#

i don't want to be alive

#

i'm not actively at risk, it's just in the back of my mind

#

doctors appointment tomorrow to bring up the possibility of slipping rib syndrome! how exciting.

cunning raven Apr 7, 2026, 6:32 PM

#

boy oh biy

#

might have to do physical therapy

#

might also have an extra rib

#

spooky

cunning raven Apr 8, 2026, 4:26 AM

#

i think about my family a lot, i wish i treated my cousin better, i never thought i'd lose her. although i know my treatment towards her had nothing to do with her cutting me off, i cannot help but believe it influenced her decision more, even just a bit.

#

hey

#

dude

#

i just found my cousins account, we haven't spoken in two years, since it came out her brother abused ms for years

#

i want to reach out

#

so

#

so bad.

cunning raven Apr 9, 2026, 4:59 AM

#

cunning raven he is asleep on the phone

grr dude

#

i love when he's comfortable enough to sleep otp

#

call me a creep but i genuinely love the noises he makes in his sleep, it's really cute

#

i like when people feel comfortable around me, it doesn't happen a lot

#

i really like this guy, even if i feel frustrated with him sometimes

cunning raven Apr 9, 2026, 5:01 AM

#

cunning raven call me a creep but i genuinely love the noises he makes in his sleep, it's real...

when it first started happening (sleeping otp) he would do it more often, along with talking in his sleep

#

he's insecure about it, he said

#

i'm quite sad he's started doing it less frequently

#

but

#

whateverr

#

might drive up to see him this summer too, that's kinda exciting

#

i have an essay to finish 💔💔 wish me luck writing about my mothers suicide attempt

#

i've been having weird dreams as of late, may start a dream journal. boy says he used to have one and it's cool, but sometimes i don't want to remember the things i dream of

#

a few weeks back i dreamed of my abusers family, i miss them often

#

but i dreamed they were torturing me, violent and cruel

#

it wasn't a reallt bad dream, but bad enough to wake up and immediately check my pulse

#

the long lasting effects abuse leaves is interesting

cunning raven Apr 9, 2026, 5:10 AM

#

cunning raven he's insecure about it, he said

he talks about his voice a lot too, how he delivers sentences and such

#

i really love his voice, it's calming and nice, and everything else you'd say about someone who you likes voice

#

i really wish i was better at communicating my feeling's towards him, it's frustrating that growing up without expressing love i never learned how to

#

i feel as if the only way to express my like towards something is to just say i love it, but it's bad to love someone immediately

#

i wish it was easier to communicate, sometimes

#

sometimes i struggle to remember the abuse

#

i can remember basic stuff, the assault, the occasional beatings, the dismissiveness that everyone who was supposed to care gave me

#

but i cannot remember what's inbetween the lines, i wish i could

#

there's no perfect victim/survivor, obviously, but am i truly a victim if i can't even remember what made me one in the first place?

#

i might try and communicate this with him tomorrow, i don't know why it's harder to talk to those i truly like

#

maybe i'm scared i'll corrupt their appearance of me, but also, if they care they'll stay..

cunning raven Apr 9, 2026, 5:17 AM

#

cunning raven i might try and communicate this with him tomorrow, i don't know why it's harder...

i hate telling people, actually

#

it's embarrassing

#

it's not, in thought, but in practice i cannot help but feel like the most pathetic thing possible

#

i told an ex friend whom i recently came back into contact with

#

i felt so pathetic asking about my abusers family

#

if i hate them so much why can't i let go?

#

then again, their family, at least, the two people i'm thinking of, are innocent in this situation

#

so maybe i don't need to hate them, but i do anyways

#

i hate the concept of hate

#

i hate them truly though

#

i found there accounts yesterday, yeah?

#

they repost bs about love and how hate is horrible and how being kind is basic, and just crap

#

i cannot help but wonder where this attitude was when i cried to them in the locker room, begging for someone to just talk to me

#

i need to sleep

cunning raven Apr 9, 2026, 10:02 AM

#

i should've slept earlier

#

dude

#

dude

cunning raven Apr 9, 2026, 10:13 AM

#

cunning raven i love when he's comfortable enough to sleep otp

his freaking brother dude

#

setting an alarm fir 6:05 for then

#

them

#

i thought it was my alarm

#

i have another hiur

#

💔

long pewter Apr 9, 2026, 4:37 PM

#

yo matt do you wana talk?

long pewter Apr 9, 2026, 4:37 PM

#

cunning raven 💔

who's that? why is he so rude to ye?

cunning raven Apr 9, 2026, 5:10 PM

#

it's not rude! we slept otp and his brothers alsrm woke me up, i thought it was five minutes before my alarm but it was an hour before mine was supposed to go off

#

i hope that makes sense

cunning raven Apr 9, 2026, 5:10 PM

#

long pewter yo matt do you wana talk?

i'm free to talk, sure

cunning raven Apr 9, 2026, 5:13 PM

#

cunning raven i should've slept earlier

resulting a nap

#

hopefully we wake up at a reasonable time

long pewter Apr 9, 2026, 5:19 PM

#

cunning raven 💔

i hope your brother dies this is unfair

#

that is NOT what i consider "not rude"

cunning raven Apr 9, 2026, 5:35 PM

#

so

#

i said that

#

and

#

and

#

ok

cunning raven Apr 9, 2026, 5:35 PM

#

long pewter that is NOT what i consider "not rude"

it's just the humor we have 🥹

#

i swear, its nice and all

#

i care about his brother loads

long pewter Apr 9, 2026, 5:35 PM

#

w...

#

i think

cunning raven Apr 9, 2026, 5:47 PM

#

yes....

#

maybe...

long pewter Apr 9, 2026, 5:58 PM

#

how are you feeling right now?

cunning raven Apr 10, 2026, 1:58 AM

#

long pewter how are you feeling right now?

i'm ok! hby?

cunning raven Apr 10, 2026, 4:12 AM

#

school was canceled tomorrow

#

yay

#

not yay because it was a bomb threat

#

but still

long pewter Apr 10, 2026, 5:28 AM

#

America be like

long pewter Apr 10, 2026, 5:29 AM

#

cunning raven i'm ok! hby?

I've prettier days. And worse ones but i'll get by

cunning raven Apr 10, 2026, 6:11 AM

#

long pewter I've prettier days. And worse ones but i'll get by

that's unfortunate, hopefully you'll feel better soon

#

guy i had a single conversation with on insta dm'd me about two hours ago, he makes me nervous

#

we spoke briefly, i think he was interested in a rls, but i'm not

#

and alas i believe he is texting again for the same reasons

#

🫩

cunning raven Apr 10, 2026, 3:38 PM

#

cunning raven and alas i believe he is texting again for the same reasons

got him uninterested 🤞

#

dudes hate when you clearly js don't want to talk to them

cunning raven Apr 11, 2026, 5:12 AM

#

furries have no right to be so difficult to draw what id this 🫩

cunning raven Apr 11, 2026, 6:22 AM

#

cunning raven watching the new episode of the pitt

so sad joy left actually

cunning raven Apr 12, 2026, 12:28 AM

#

i'll never get to be able to draw comms for furries 💔

polar sedge Apr 12, 2026, 12:53 AM

#

cunning raven i'll never get to be able to draw comms for furries 💔

Bro wdym, you’re genuinely greater than many other artists I’ve seen

cunning raven Apr 12, 2026, 2:06 AM

#

polar sedge Bro wdym, you’re genuinely greater than many other artists I’ve seen

i can see from smb elses perspective, but to me personally it's pretty buns cuz it's not the style i'm after 😓😓

long pewter Apr 13, 2026, 7:24 AM

#

Most thinks you hate are just thinks you do or are thats just humanity

cunning raven Apr 14, 2026, 5:01 AM

#

yeah. mahbe

#

the new tomodachi life game is gold

#

made the big three friends

#

love this dude

#

cunning raven Apr 14, 2026, 6:04 AM

#

💔

cunning raven Apr 14, 2026, 9:09 AM

#

i just had a horrible horrible dream about my abuser and his family

#

i feel sick

#

nevrr understood the "my smile will haunt you" , but i get it now

#

oh my gof

#

im shaki h

#

i miss edy

cunning raven Apr 14, 2026, 9:59 AM

#

it's storming

cunning raven Apr 15, 2026, 4:28 AM

#

evil WIP 🫩

cunning raven Apr 15, 2026, 4:52 AM

#

cunning raven evil WIP 🫩

i quite like this one though

cunning raven Apr 15, 2026, 2:12 PM

#

was listening to dont delete the kisses (wolf alice) and was thinking of hesrtstopper

#

it ended recently

#

as much as i dislike heartstopper it does hold a very special place to me

#

it was the first properly queer media i consumed in fourth grade!

#

so very interesting.

cunning raven Apr 16, 2026, 3:41 AM

#

drs apt for the starting process of testosterone went HORRIBLE btw

#

more reasons to despise my ma and count down the days till i'm out < / 3

cunning raven Apr 16, 2026, 3:43 AM

#

cunning raven i really like this guy, even if i feel frustrated with him sometimes

boy oh boy i need to learn how to express feelings

#

have been working on getting courage to ask him out, but like, it's quiet embarrassing

#

"hey i really really like you and i want to be with you but also i struggle a lot with intimacy and i don't want to waste your time and i can't really express my like for you except when i do but at that point it's overbearing im also kinda scared to get into something again so and thatll make me miserable a bit" 🫩

#

frustrating

cunning raven Apr 16, 2026, 5:16 AM

#

well

#

wish i could respond normally

#

how do you even respond to that with what i said earlier 🫩

cunning raven Apr 16, 2026, 6:12 AM

#

my life is just one big humiliation ritual

#

at least it was said, i dunno

#

hopefully it's taken the right way

cunning raven Apr 16, 2026, 6:54 PM

#

i'm rewatching my favorite anime after four whole years!

#

it's wonderful

#

cunning raven Apr 17, 2026, 6:07 AM

#

cats from cat cafe in colorado i never posted!

#

art exhibit

#

i love the tall fox thing, i bought a plush of it

#

it's actually part sloth and fox! it's super long legs mimic birch trees and it walks around defying gravity

#

love it

cunning raven Apr 17, 2026, 9:20 PM

#

i'm probably dying my hair tonight!

#

red and black

#

like this, hopefully! though i may do red on top.. idk!

cunning raven Apr 18, 2026, 5:36 AM

#

dying tomorrow

#

im considering asking for pt but that's rather embarrassing

#

my neck, rigjt shoulder, and left leg have been killing me

#

very unfortunate

cunning raven Apr 18, 2026, 8:33 PM

#

over beastars btw

cunning raven Apr 19, 2026, 6:14 AM

#

cunning raven my life is just one big humiliation ritual

i might give it a try and just idk ask for stuff to go slow, but it's odd to me

#

the concept of relationships in general r weird

#

i see and feel the appeal, and i feel love immensely, but i don't understand why love can't just exist without a label

#

it's always "[name] has a crush on ___" or "were in a relationship/dating"

#

i wish it was more socially acceptable to love someone deeply and it just exists as love

#

maybe it's selfish that i think that actually

#

i don't mind commitment, not in the slightest, but maybe i struggle to accept that to be "good enough" i hsve to confront and change my problems

#

it's selfish to want to love someone without the commitment

#

but why does commitment need a label 🫩

#

dilemmas

cunning raven Apr 19, 2026, 6:18 AM

#

cunning raven like this, hopefully! though i may do red on top.. idk!

i dyed hair

#

i thjnk i want it shorter though

#

or i need my texture powder to arrive quicker

cunning raven Apr 20, 2026, 2:09 AM

#

the more i attempt to advocate for grooming victims and survivors / grooming representation the more i wish i could publicly post my own experience without a bitch in my ear saying, "oh, but you kept putting yourself in those situations" 🫩

cunning raven Apr 20, 2026, 2:51 AM

#

why are horses hard to draw (this is Secretariat from Bojack Horseman)

cunning raven Apr 20, 2026, 3:16 AM

#

cunning raven like this, hopefully! though i may do red on top.. idk!

no i'm not balding my hair is thin in that specific spot because of layering 🫩

cunning raven Apr 20, 2026, 5:07 AM

#

rewatching some arcane

#

starting to remember why the only episode i rewatch is the warped reality episode

#

and the one w the fight of the bridge

#

god, i really like how relatable jinx and powder both are..

#

arcane is the most beautifully animated show i've ever seen

cunning raven Apr 20, 2026, 5:26 AM

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ugh.

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the most beautiful scene i've ever seen in animation

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i cry every time

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everything is perfect about it, seriously

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and the conversation after.

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goddddddd.

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"i promise i'll never forget this"
"you better not"

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LORD!!

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i need to compile a list of all my favorite scenes in media (tv shows/movies)

cunning raven Apr 20, 2026, 10:39 PM

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he's sending videos if himselt ❤️‍🩹 #blessed

cunning raven Apr 21, 2026, 6:04 AM

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i used to exploit myself online

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i would put myself in compromising positions with groomers and pedophiles on the internet

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i never got anything out of it, i don't know why i did it

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i wanted to feel loved, at least desirable

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and i think about it often

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i advocate for sexual assault awareness

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i advocate for grooming victims

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i advocate that pedophiles should be arrested and what not

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yet, i catered to them, willingly.

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i never offered support, i never told them there was time to change, i never threatened to report them when they'd harass me afterwards

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I still talk to a man who dm'd me from, not necessarily for, the app i exploited myself on

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he's rather kind, we talk about this a lot

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He says he's ashamed. He wants to be a better person.

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I confide the same things, honestly

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He asks me sometimes if I believe pedophiles can be redeemed

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I say yes, but I don't know if I think that

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I make myself sick, I think

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Whenever I remember the horrible, disgusting things I've done I want to die

cunning raven Apr 21, 2026, 6:12 AM

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cunning raven I still talk to a man who dm'd me *from, not necessarily for,* the app i exploit...

In the future I will probably call him AD, as he'll probably be brought up often

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On the topic of him, we haven't spoken in about a month, not properly at least

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I tried starting conversation two weeks ago to no response

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Yesterday I asked if I did something wrong, to which he told me no apologizing saying his mothers been having medical issues

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i hope his mother is alright, actually

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When we first started talking regularly I told him he was comforting. He didn't understand, but I think I view him more as an older sibling, kinda

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god, this sounds like i'm being groomed 🫩

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i probably am, actually. I find it hard to remember grooming doesn't always have to be sexual.

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hm, maybe we'll see

cunning raven Apr 21, 2026, 6:16 AM

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cunning raven When we first started talking regularly I told him he was comforting. He didn't ...

it's really sad to me, actually

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he's autistic, though admittedly he functions basically the same as everyone else

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i think he was misguided and turned to bad habits

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it makes me sad how many people could've thrived with support and instead turned to bad behavior

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that in no way takes away from who he is and what he's done, he is in my eyes horrible, but in all honesty i enjoy his presence

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i enjoy it a lot, not in a way like, "ih yeah if he was my age i'd date him"

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but just as a constant figure

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this is really sad.

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i wish i could talk about this with other people without being seen as a weirdo victim or whatever 🫩

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really excited

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it's late, i should sleep

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i don't feel okay

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i miss edy, i think

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we didn't speak much today, thsts bery unfortunate

cunning raven Apr 21, 2026, 6:28 AM

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cunning raven i miss edy, i think

i miss him a lot

cunning raven Apr 21, 2026, 6:41 AM

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cunning raven i miss him a lot

so mkch oh my god k should've asked to talk more before he went yo bef

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need to share before sleeping

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made them

#

#

goodnight now

cunning raven Apr 21, 2026, 11:05 AM

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cunning raven so mkch oh my god k should've asked to talk more before he went yo bef

i still miss him nearly 4 hours later, he's got no school today and will probably wakr up late 🫩

cunning raven Apr 21, 2026, 11:55 AM

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i dream about what i last think about, i think

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like

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dude

cunning raven Apr 22, 2026, 1:44 AM

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cunning raven i miss edy, i think

his laugh is so contagious oh my god

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i don't know if i really like him

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im scared i don't and i'm just romanticizing anyonr

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i want to pull my hair out

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i hate this

cunning raven Apr 22, 2026, 2:06 AM

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i think im a very sad person

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i've been called mean, harsh, lively

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never sad though

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it doesn't make sense to me

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my heart aches for something i don't have

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i don't think that something exists, but i still want it

cunning raven Apr 22, 2026, 2:43 AM

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paranoia so bad right now

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i hate being home alone

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so much

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someone is in my house i think

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i want to die

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i hesr them

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im scsred

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their coming

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oh my gid

cunning raven Apr 22, 2026, 5:04 AM

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i'm very, very sad

cunning raven Apr 24, 2026, 4:02 AM

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!!!!!!!

cunning raven Apr 25, 2026, 2:46 AM

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wip of doom will never be finished

cunning raven Apr 25, 2026, 3:37 AM

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i don't like how it feels to be in an episode

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i feel very bad

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at school i'm able to act okay, i laugh with friends, i talk nice to teachers

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but at home i just can't

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people text me snd i want to yell at them, block them

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tell them i never liked them and don't want them around anymore

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but at the same time i just want someone, anyone, to notice the distance

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when someone does notice, however, i ignore it

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i wonder why that is

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bracelet i made

cunning raven Apr 27, 2026, 5:56 AM

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cunning raven im scared i don't and i'm just romanticizing anyonr

although i do like him, it's evident it won't work

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sometimes i wonder if i should spare the heartache and just cut them off

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but when i do, i always go back

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it's horrible

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i just want to be loved, man

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i'm tired of hearing "you're young, just wait"

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i just want to feel loved

cunning raven May 2, 2026, 1:49 AM

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boyy i cannot do this

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i dont think i like edy, he's not my person.

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it sucks, yeah, but it is what it is

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he's mentioned he doesn't want to hear about my abuse because it's uncomfortable, which i understand to an extent. However, I cannot be with someone who doesn't know that part of me.

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It just doesn't work if I feel someone doesn't understand why I am the way I am

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There's two people at school who I believe myself to be interested in

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I doubt i'll persue anything anytime soon, but I'm trying to become better friends with both of them

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one of them (actually both, but the one whom I still don't know/have on social media) had complimented my hair before ( ⸝⸝´ ᵕ `⸝⸝)

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i like it when people compliment my hair, it's a big part of my identity and it makes me happy.

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in other news... my mother confided that she doesn't believe i'm truly trans, that i'm just "traumatized from being seen as a woman and this is just a coping strategy"

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(¬_ ´¬ )

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untrue! but it's making my doubt myself. more so it's making me dislike my mother more..

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i don't have a good relationship with my mom, in the slightest. It's hard to explain, but I put it like, as soon as i'm able i'll cut her off.

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it's complicated

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it sucks

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BUTTT! i don't mind being perceived as female at all, actually. i think femininity is beautiful. i just would prefer to be seen more as a man >ᴗ<

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not something to be explained to her though! i feel like it's too personal..

cunning raven May 2, 2026, 1:58 AM

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cunning raven he's mentioned he doesn't want to hear about my abuse because it's uncomfortable...

i feel really guilty about this actually.. i think i kinda, like, put distance between the people i think things wont work out with. it's really bad, but it just feels weird to talk to him now. i'm going to word what i stated in the text above, but it's hard because i don't want him to feel guilty ˙◠˙

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ok i feel really really weird using the emoticons im sorry i don't have nitro and i cannot express myself correctly (⇀‸↼‶)

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in happier times i've been playing tomodachi life living the dream!!

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i'm going to load it up and take pictures of some of my miis

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OHOHOHOHOHOHOHH ALSO!!

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MY KEYCHAIN CAME TODAY ◝(ᵔᗜᵔ)◜

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I'M SO IVERJOYED ITS SOSO CUTE!!

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it's kind of cheaply made, but for the price i got it for (¢60) it's pretty awesome..

cunning raven May 2, 2026, 2:25 AM

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cunning raven i'm going to load it up and take pictures of some of my miis

suzuki and tani, from "you and i are polar opposites"

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mika and yuu, from "seraph of the end/owari no seraph"

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uhh

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numerous adventure time characters (ㅅ´ ˘ `)

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ticci toby and nina the killer, creepypastas

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how awesome

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theres more, but mkre are in the making

cunning raven May 2, 2026, 2:29 AM

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cunning raven suzuki and tani, from "you and i are polar opposites"

better look

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i love them all

cunning raven May 2, 2026, 2:59 AM

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cunning raven i feel really guilty about this actually.. i think i kinda, like, put distance b...

he brought it up himself.. well. i'm not brave enough to tell him the whole truth yet. i'm sorry. i told him it's just overwhelming to talk to people so often after being alone for so long, which is true and applies to this, but isn't the fully story.

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sad.

cunning raven May 2, 2026, 4:04 AM

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i wonder what my problem is

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i don't think i get over people, ever

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i just find new people to replace the old

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i dated a guy three years ago for about a year

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we broke up because of mental health on my end, i thought my mother would do something drastic

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i've been thinking of him often

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i didn't want to break up with him, when i think of it for long enough

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he was really sweet and everything, not perfect, but kind

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we still talk

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but it feels really bad

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he's talking about a new girl he's (presumably) interested in

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it makes me sad

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it's not my place to be sad, i treated him very poorly due to mental instability over the past three years

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but it's still kind of sad.

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maybe i just hate not having someone interested in me

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i don't know

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it's weird because i think of him like i think of edy now, more often then not

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i find him annoying and clingy, so much, but it feels weird without it sometimes

cunning raven May 3, 2026, 5:19 AM

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i think i miss my ex

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i miss the abuse and he is the closest abuse i have

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i won't reach out, but i hope i'm thought of tonight

cunning raven May 3, 2026, 6:01 AM

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cunning raven he's mentioned he doesn't want to hear about my abuse because it's uncomfortable...

the way he talks to me sometimes feels like a punch to the face

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i have to tell myself he's ignorant to mental illness, but oh my god just ask me in a non sarcastic way dude

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i can't say shit about it without starting an argument but man

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please

cunning raven May 4, 2026, 4:07 AM

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cunning raven he's talking about a new girl he's (presumably) interested in

🫩

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it's game

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i miss him

cunning raven May 4, 2026, 4:50 AM

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god

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he's interested smb

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i don't know why i'm even surprised, i kinda messed everything up a loooong time ago..

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it's still really disappointing though

cunning raven May 4, 2026, 12:57 PM

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last night was a little embarrassing, yeah?
（´∇｀''）

cunning raven May 4, 2026, 4:05 PM

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got told to shut the flip up in drivers ed today 😳

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i admit j was being obnoxious but omg nothing is seriius enough to tyrn around force your voice look me dead in the face and say "shut the eff up"

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turned to my drivers ed partner afterwards and she said "omg i thought he had a gun"

cunning raven May 5, 2026, 12:39 AM

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cunning raven it's still really disappointing though

it's really frustrating

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every time we talk, i initiate.

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every time we talk, we talk about him.

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i don't mind much, in thought, but i kinda mainly reached out yesterday to show him my adventure time miis just to not even get a chance to

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i just wanted to show the dude who got me into adventure time my adventure time miis ☹️

cunning raven May 5, 2026, 2:10 AM

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cunning raven May 5, 2026, 2:48 AM

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i dont like to think of it much, but i think i resort to the behaviors i portrayed when being groomed when it comes to having a crush/being in a rls with someone

cunning raven May 5, 2026, 2:48 AM

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cunning raven i just wanted to show the dude who got me into adventure time my adventure time ...

prime example because i keep trying to figure out how to send this and it keeps coming back to "hey i'ms orry i rewllt just miss you and want to show you this please take interest please"

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🫩

cunning raven May 5, 2026, 3:53 AM

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cunning raven i admit j was being obnoxious but omg nothing is seriius enough to tyrn around f...

he has rape allegations

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what the fart

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he's been to court over it

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why does everyone in this town rape each other

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i can't make this up

#occasional rants and rambles || matt