#all or nothing

21966 messages · Page 22 of 22 (latest)

ashen pecan
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i was fighting between going to sleep and drawing yesterday

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i wish i had more free time tbh

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i dont really wanna go to a classroom during lunch other than strings club and like being outside n coloring would be so annoying idk

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i wouldnt be in my flow space

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i should spend

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omg

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i should be in the library more

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uhm

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what

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i just opened tt and i have like 14 messages but i cant see them

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im scared what if its my ex

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BOR why does every issue on the internet say that i should clear my cache

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THAT SHIT DONT WORK

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😭

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i wanna

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make edits

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again ☹️

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wtf i checked my messages and it was from my other ex

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when i opened it it didnt say anything

ashen pecan
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i think i genuinely stopped trying to dress feminine

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i dont have anyone to perform to

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im

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okay being by myself?

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how

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i mean

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theres some guys in my grade i think are cute but theyre the type of guys that wouldnt really know how a relationship works

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or i admire them

ashen pecan
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i think that was just trying to fill the hole of adrenaline and action in my life

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i think now that i always have something to do

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like play the cello or do work

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i cant believ eim saying this but i think that void was filled by that

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i was trying to find some course of action through love in middle school because there wasnt anything i looked forward to

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i look forward to being in math class

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theres no way that sentence js left my mouth

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lol

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and i love going to orchestra

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i love going to the library and doing something or just reading manga

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i think im okay :)

ashen pecan
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i feel like the motive behind dressing overly revealing came from wanting the male gaze and praise from my girl friends

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like oh ur soo hot from my girl friends felt so good

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what does it really mean at the end of the day

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or id love being seen by guys in my school that noticed what i wore

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just like guys i think r cute

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i guess

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i just wouldnt

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really think of getting in a relationship with them yk

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theres a lot of cute guys in my school ill admit

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but theyre usually like sophomores or juniors i just have a lot of crushes on celebrity crushes or random ppl online

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pinterest type

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yk

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i dont like them honestly

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and when i do find someone attractive in my grade theyre usually guys that are used to getting a lot of girls

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i just

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cant trust those people tbh

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cause i know that ill get jealous and that shows i dont have trust in my partner

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then i get possessive at the end of the day i know what i was getting into

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i shouldnt feel like my partner is a trophy

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i want someone that is parallel to me

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also i dont wanna attract anybody

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lustful

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thats why im not wearing a lot of revealing clothes

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i mean i can

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im not gonna say its my fault that im provoking these guys and i should cover up

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but like if i do then im attracting them

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whether i like it or not

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plus i dont think im me when i wear something really revealing anyway

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i

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i really changed

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im glad my dad didnt enable me wearing like crop tops and stuff when i was younger beacuse i was attracting people who didnt want me for me

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i still wore stuff that was revealing its just i had to learn the hard way

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i think theres this guy that likes me hes in 2 of my classes but i did an introduction and i was like showing my airplane model befcause i like them

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yk

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and then he showed his he was like

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i wanna be a pilot when im older

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🥹

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he still looks at me in class even if im not looking my best but he even said my handwriting was pretty

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i cant believe im actually like okay being alone

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as of relationships

ashen pecan
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need

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more soft

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pastels

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so good

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bro

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now its been years since ive left new york

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gosh this song only reminds me of joe goldberg

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im actually so confused

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not rly but how does lana del rey have this like iconic look

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i cant take people who try to recapture the americana or old fashioned look seriously

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like rockstar girlfriend

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maybe its because shes like the og

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the doer

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well shes beautiful

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i want a whiplash poster

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amazon sucks

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i can probably make my own prints on fedex or something then pick it up for cheaper

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Lol uh die

Screenshot_2025-08-21_at_11.23.12_PM.png
ashen pecan
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like model type tall

vestal dragon
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he seems cool

ashen pecan
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hes pretty dope

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i like him

ashen pecan
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bro this

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i was in study hall for orchestra and this other cellist was helping me shes so hot

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like omfg

ashen pecan
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got more soft pastels

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yay

ashen pecan
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i crave praise from this girl

Screenshot_2025-08-22_at_7.28.52_PM.png
ashen pecan
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yo bruh

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i was wathcing

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gravity falls after a bit

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i love pacifica and dipper

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bro

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HTIS FANART???

3e01a88408610ab7bb200711bd09df02.png
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i wanna draw them so bad

ashen pecan
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why is there like no good fanart of gravity falls

ashen pecan
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uh

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my best friends ex just followed me

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hm

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JSDFJSIFVA SNVDHFVFU

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classical music

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is so good

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concerto in d minor has my heart

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HELP I LOVE DOING INTRODUCTION SLIDES ITS SO FUN

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please never let my dying love for editing go to waste

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i want my canva pro back

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:(

ashen pecan
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FEMININE ICON

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i love lana

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i love when women are feminine ik its like default settings but

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depends

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i admire so many fem girls in my school theyre so caring and JSUT TAKE CARE OF ME ALREADY

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although idk if i can say that cause theres not a lot of mascs

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in my school

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do you think

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im masc

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LMAO

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idek to be honest i dont really care

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hahah

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im sleepy ;(

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i miss my 8th grade history teacher

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yo

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aint NOBODY on this campus like her

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my ex best friend broke up with her pred bf and she has a new initial

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i hope shes okay now

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i miss her a lot

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we stopped talking when they got together

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he thought i was genuinely a male

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like hw

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huh

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but i reactivated my ig account today

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and i posted some of my art cause

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yeaa

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and she liked my stories

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i want to be close to her again i miss her

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i kinda wanna rewatch whiplash

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.

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bbg

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should i go as dipper for halloween

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i dont think i can go as andrew i was thinking about his blood scene but its just a concert outfit with blood

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and i doubt i can even do fake blood

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wow

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bro wendy is

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bro is bro

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SFIUASJUFDF i kinda wanna go as luffy tho

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oh man i miss mila prescott

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she was the best

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i had a whole board dedicated to her

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i

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I WANNA BE MILA PRESCOTTTTTT

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her face shape is to die for

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OHOHEJFV

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or maybe i can do ace

ashen pecan
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i think im startign to like girls again

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💀

vestal dragon
ashen pecan
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mm

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i dont think i necessarily like girls

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ill figure it out

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like i always do

vestal dragon
ashen pecan
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same

vestal dragon
ashen pecan
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YOU JUST DONT KNOW IT YET BUT YOU LOVE ME AND I LOVE YOU THE SAME

IMG_1684.jpeg
icy knoll
ashen pecan
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LOL

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what

ashen pecan
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Adobe Photoshop 2025

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im not used to any of my family members praise

ashen pecan
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action cures anxiety

ashen pecan
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somebody please send me 5 x 4 prints for my wall. i DONT WANT KOREAN MEN ON MY WALL ANYMORE

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im done

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with kpo p

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maybe ill print out something

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bro i have so many pimples around my mouth it hurts

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probably becauase im so tired and im not drinking enough water

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:(

ashen pecan
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man i wanna fuck why does mt body have to do this rn

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imma wake mysekf up

ashen pecan
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GEWAAAAAAAA SHES SO CUTE

ashen pecan
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i have

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test tomorrow

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but its ok im ready

vestal dragon
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did i read that shi right

ashen pecan
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ye bruh i was on something 2 hours ago

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its ok that wasnt me

ashen pecan
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im finally designing my sketchbook cover

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cs

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i keep on

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confusing it with my other notebooks

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vagabon

IMG_1687.jpeg
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i wanna do an artorias print

ashen pecan
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i think i noticed something

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really cool

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im starting to become more confident in coloring or inking my art

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i used to like avoid it at all costs because i felt like i woukd ruin a piece but since im working with less rigid mediums its really fun to do

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and im starting to learn more about color theory

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back then i would only rly use like color pencils markers sometimes and acrylic

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bro you have to be confident and know wjat ur doing with acrylic and markers

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also i feel like marker is a good medium for more colorful pieces

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but when i discovered like inking

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not like the inking for lineart

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i tried to steal zhc’s artstyle but he uses really light pencils

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so i switched to ink instead and i think i found a style i like

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also soft pastels ftw

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you can erase them too its great

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IM AN ANGEL WIth a SHOTGUN

ashen pecan
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im bored

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:(

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LMAOAOA ODJFDSKF

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LOL

ashen pecan
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i really like the second one haha

ashen pecan
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i wanna learn how to play heather on the guitar

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:I

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i do not understand ultimate guitar

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i dont have a lot of guitarist friends

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oh]

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i can join a server i forgot

vestal dragon
ashen pecan
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mawnster

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i dont like energy drinks

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:L

ashen pecan
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HOW T F DO I STYLE JORDANS

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😭🙏

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lo l what is happening in general

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i dont think i like it here

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tbh

ashen pecan
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its missing things

IMG_1695.jpeg
ashen pecan
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firefly :3

IMG_1696.jpeg
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man t

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the feeling when

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your creative outlets are blaring and then you realize that its not gonna last long

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its ok

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its sporadic i dont need to do it everyday

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drawing is really relaxing to me

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bro

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i

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uh

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wow

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theres this girl in my bio i sit next to and she like makes the effort to talk to me even tho im awkward asf

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and like

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there was this homework we had to do and i was talking about a hypothesis of how journaling about emotionally vulnerable experiences makes someone more self aware and emotionally intelligent

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and she was looking at me she was like oh im just like wow i was just journaling yesterday

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and i was like omg cool

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so we go back to our seats and our teacher is like ok lets do shoutouts were there any cool hypotheses you guys heard and she like raised her hand immediately

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she was telling everyone about my hypothesis and i was like

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bro

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i w

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i legit didnt know how to react

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iand shes just so cool

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shes like so smart and pretty i

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i looked at her instagram and i like held my head in my hands sHES SO PRETTY IM GONNA DI E

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i love when people are so nice like i didnt expect her to give me a shoutout

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brio

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and there was this hypothesis that was like co2 something and i was like

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uh

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what is that chat

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and she was telling me about it i was like ok i dont know any periodic table stuff thanks and she was like welll no its like a compound

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SHES JUST so

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AURA??

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me when i meet

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girls that are pretty kind and smart i

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normally id be jealous but bro i cant shes jsut so

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I CANT STOP GLAZING HER

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im so glad we sit next to eachother

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bro you would think i have a crush on her BUT LIKE

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AKSDJGDAHGDIFO JSDF shes so

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admirable

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i think every girl "crush" i have is just a girl i want to be like

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ooh man

ashen pecan
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BUT NOT IN A BAD WAY

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i can definitely tell that shes like

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emotionally intelligent idk

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BRP

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i am NOT regretting switching classes

ashen pecan
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its like admiration but going sour

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i just

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i think im jealous of people that are talented but are humble about it

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jealous or admire

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idk

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i hope its admire

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wot

ashen pecan
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i get jealous if people are arrogant

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or like i dont care about their talents

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it kinda waters it down when people boast about their achievements and such

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WHY IS MY THROAT SO DRY

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got me drinking water for real

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maybe its because

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i might be sick honestly

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this cellist i was playing with switched cellos with me and she said she had a sore throat

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and then the next day we saw eachother she was like yeah i ended up being sick so sorry if i infected u

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help

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its. ok hopefully it doesnt get worse

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i just need to sleep more

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genuinely i hate when i get like pimples or my skin starts acting up and i dont know what the cause for it is

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cause this week i havent been sleeping well and i was stressed

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also id dint drink a lot of water

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drink water for clear skin

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Girl i only get piss

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Sorry

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i think i drank more water than i should today

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cause my throat is so dry

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BETTERHELP SUCKS

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STOP GIVIG ME ADS

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😭

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imma cut my nails

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theyre cut.

ashen pecan
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it hurts when i swallowwww

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brooooooo

ashen pecan
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I JSUT HAD THE BEST WINGSTOP OF MY LIFE BRO

ashen pecan
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bo

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chicken is lowkey so confusing to make

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i wish i could just use the grill

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😭

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i dont even have a real oven to use im just using the

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countertop ones

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im tired but i dont wanna be starving tomorrow

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;(

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i need to get an underexposed photo for this

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this one is my favorite

image.png
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i think thats a honda

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it looks like one

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top gabie masc photos

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i dont even like cars like that

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ioh

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OH I SHOULD MAKE A PLANE ONE

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i dont have enough good photos

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:(

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my chickens done

ashen pecan
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it actually turned out well lol

ashen pecan
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grsdfjosdgsf

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i wanna steal conan grays singing

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its so good

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his voice is actually so beautiful

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tbh i never really like pay attention to artists singing like

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idk it just seems normal to me, i thought singing was just a normal talent

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a lot of people say that my voice is pretty calming when im singing but i dont see my voice being great

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i can sing in a lower tone but i usually sing a higher pitch for some songs

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im pretty sure im an alto

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but

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theres artists like conan gray

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also billie eilish's vocals are amazing

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i might learn some songs from her for guitar

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probably chihiro or birds of a feather

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finally im done cooking the chicken

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i can sleep now

ashen pecan
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i would like to sing along with my guitar tho

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its kinda hard to sing along with guitar like i have to sing louder

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ig

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wait i think i have a video of me singing

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lol

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i think it sounds alright

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i sound different now tho

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i can mimic a lot of peoples voices

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i should become a voice actor highkey

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holy lol my fingers are so callused

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love love is a verb

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love is a doing word

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feeearrrless on my breathh

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i love this song

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sm

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massive attack <3

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ok bruh i aint

Screenshot_2025-08-24_at_11.10.49_PM.png
#

m

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waht are these notes

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of

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oh wait theyre just chords

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LOL

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its just an old chords website

ashen pecan
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im sick

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💀

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i dont wanna miss school this week tho

ashen pecan
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dude i deadass need grey washed jeans

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i could make so many hard fits 💔

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im kinda

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looking at outfits on pinterest for my jordans and they all look bad

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chat

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..

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uhm

vestal dragon
ashen pecan
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that test was lowkey light

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i feel like it was just a trick and theres a bigger fatter test

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incoming

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oh

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i was right

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theres one coming in a week or two

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man

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my throat hurts so bad i dont know if ican be in school tmr if i get a runny nose too

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💀

vestal dragon
ashen pecan
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leflame

ashen pecan
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bro my dads worrying me he said i kifht have strep throat

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💔💔

vestal dragon
ashen pecan
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might

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im so tired

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i

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i literally got fine sleep yesterday

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man i think my one of my worst fears is becoming malnourished

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i need to be eating fr sometimes i be forgeting

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forgetting

ashen pecan
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need to get out of america asap

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lowkey

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i just wanna live in singapore or somewhere in europe

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hawaiis ok its still in america but

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i like it there more its not overflowing with a shit ton of junk

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i should try seafood there

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im tired

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i need to take a shower before i sleep

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bye

ashen pecan
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lskjsanfgjnsfjogasgk

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bleghghh

ashen pecan
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bro what if i do have strep throat

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✌️

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i probably just ahve a cold

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dude if i miss a week of school its actually over

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like i have so muhc i need to do

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im tire

vestal dragon
ashen pecan
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bro wht

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well its not gonna be on that when i turn like 20 or something 😭✌️

ashen pecan
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mb i just wokeu p when i sent that

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also stop stalking my forum og

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im dead bruh why are these randoms following me on ig

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im kinda

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lowk

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ive been losing hope in finding someone to be with like friendship wise

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the type of person id always hang out with during break or something and i guess beggars cant be choosers

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but damn

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so many people i befriend are always an addict of some sort like smokers

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i feel like

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when i have someone i always hang out with its going to be a boyfriend

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its hard for me to find girl friends

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i dont know why

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like idk a lot of girls think im just a pick me or im trying to be different

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thats just the way my personality is and if u dont like that then fuck you

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sorry

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but still i want to have girl friends but its just so hard nowadays

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and idk maybe ill laugh at myself looking back in the future because ive always believed that i will find at least somebody

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my 19 year old friend told me im like really down to earth

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i souldnt change for anybody

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but i feel like people are making me think i should lower my standards and im

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faltering

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i dont want to be closed minded but when i make friends youre like

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pretty fucking cool or real

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it doesnt count when its acquaintances

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like people i talk to during class

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these friendships are only based off of proximity and compatibility

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i have to remember who im going to stay in touch with after school ends

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i miss natalie

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a lot

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asking for her to hang out with me feels like she has something better to do with her other friends

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i feel like so many people with huge friend groups hate eachother

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or maybe im just projecting

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ive never had a good friend group

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i should really do my homework

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its just llike ik i should be going out in the world and not being afraid of talking to people

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its not that

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kind

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kinda it is

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im awkward but its also like

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i absorb a lot of things from the other person

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i was gonna say something

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uhm

ashen pecan
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i remember now

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yeah i mean i guess this aligns with that but when i make friends i know it when we click

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obviously

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but ive been so tired of just like thinking about things to ask about the other person

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maybe that sounds like i just want to talk about myself but when theyre like vague and short answers it just

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why

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bro

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and then when i say something to relate to them i feel like im just making it about myself

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yo this guy from string fling is my goat

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i talked to him on friday after school like i deadass missed him

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and i wanted to talk to him so bad

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we clicked like immediately and i can tell hes realistic

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idk im lowkey just

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i dont wanna say shy maybe i am

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but the thing about being extroverted and having to dull yourself to conform to the conventional is being imprisoned

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i used to think i was so extroverted back then i was just a dipshit that yelled out stuff in class and had hella awkward conversations with people id talk to

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im not

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like that

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it was just apart of my persona to be the appealing one in my friend group

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cause i was always seen as the reckless and stupid person

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im glad i found myself because im nothing like that now

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dude i find it so uncanny that like

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idk i dont wear feminine clothes anymore

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at lesat i dont feel obligated to to get others attention

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i just wear what i feel confident in and what i like

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i still dress for others like subconsciously

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nothing wrong in that

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but therse a part of me thats like if i do wear feminine and flashy stuff im just attracting people i dont like

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because that isnt me

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truly

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if ur gonna judge me off the bat then how are you gonna be like when ur my friend

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i mean i get it humans are naturally judgemental but its different when you judge me for something i express myself with

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nth wrong with that we just arent compatible

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should i rewatch whiplash

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tbh

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im coughin

ashen pecan
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LOL

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i dont think i have strep throat i just have ea cold

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imma go back to sleep tomorrow im going to the doctors

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why are people actuall6 so mean

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like i was in my pe and there was these group of girls laughing at this guy for how he walks

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and in my science we had to experiment with snails then there was this girl that took the snail out but it was like freaking out cause of the way she held it and it started foaming

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then for the rest of the experiment my group with 4 other people didnt want her to do anything or she would mess it up

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i was getting the next snail and trying to be careful with it and she was trying to help but they were like stop youre the one that stressed the other snail out

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and she doesnt speak english that well either so it was hard for her to understand what my group was saying

ashen pecan
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i justt

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GENIUS CONCEPT OUTFIT BRO

ashen pecan
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i cant stop

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laughing at this phoot

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photo bro

ashen pecan
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😭

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someone end me

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and she said it was easy

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my friend thats like hella smart said he was cooked for math cause hes in that same class

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man i wish i couldve joined robotics this year

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:(I

ashen pecan
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bro geometry got me using blender and photoshop fr 💔

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i might go to a conan gray concert let go

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lets go

ashen pecan
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bru

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my mom has covid

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😭

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ok i testd negative

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yay

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WHY IS CONAN GRAY SO AESTHETIC PLSSS

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he has hunter eyes but hes like a golden retriever

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WITH LONG MAJESTIC HAIR

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in another life im a conan gray boy

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NEW PFP TIME

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HES SO

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PHOTOGENIC

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gender envy is kicking at me again

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yk he reminds me of a kpop member

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idk who tho

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oh probably hueningkai

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yes :)

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yes!!!

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bye i should be working on my biology homework

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😭

ashen pecan
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i choose me im sorry

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i love kendrick

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omg

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tbh i feel bad for people that are homeschooled

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chromebook camera is so

Screenshot_2025-08-26_at_12.04.24_PM.png
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ARGGHHH i need to read more fiction

vestal dragon
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no tf it aint

ashen pecan
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i mean it can be

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bro its literally algebra 2 honors 😭

ashen pecan
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sorry i didnt save the world my friend i was too busy building mine again

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i choose me im sorry

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dude kendrick is so tuff i love him

ashen pecan
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LET ME NEVER FIND THIS EVER

IMG_1702.jpeg
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cornball 😭😭

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thats what u get for liking a liberal

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wait what if she means libra

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thats even worse

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yeah idc youre wither with me or we’re together those are your only two options

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youre cute, smart, laugh at all my jokes, easy to talk to

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I WANT WINGSTOP

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😭😭😭

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oh man i hate music

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i hate listening to music right now i feel so

#

like

#

someone just sucked my mood for music

#

out

#

i

#

i DONT WANNA GO TO MY GUITAR LESSON BRUH

#

do i have to

#

i should go ebiking again

#

man i havent

#

talked to my biker friend in a hot minute

ashen pecan
#

oh man

#

im already getting tired

#

i slept for so long yesterday

#

it was like 5pm when i slept and then 3 am when i woke up

#

then i slept at 6 am

#

woke up at 8 am

#

??

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please let this sickness be over

#

i really dont wanna go to my guitar lesson

#

im 99% sure we're gonna be doing music theory 💔

#

i need to take a shower too

#

at least i got my homework done

#

for context my bangs were shaped like lains

#

beu

#

i just got a lobotomy

#

coughs on everybody

#

ensuring sickness

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gauranteed

ashen pecan
#

im in my little car going to my little guitar lesson

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i say with solemnity

#

:(

#

howdo i be more kind

#

okg my

#

my music teacher said i can keep a cello at my house for a year

#

that means i dont have to deal with such painful transportation

#

well i have to wait what she says cause theres other cellists that dont have their own cello at home

#

i love this image HELP

#

😂

ashen pecan
#

i wanna draw i wanna draw i wanna drawwwww

#

buuut my art just feels MId

#

Miskis

#

miski

#

midskis

#

MEWHEN I WANT SOMEONE TO NOTICE MY MESSAGES AND STORIES I WANT TO POSTBUT I CANT BECAUSE I LOOK LIKE A H OE

#

ME WHEN IM POSTING FOR SOMEBODY

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ME WHEN

#

me when the person i posted my story for views my story

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there is no person

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i just wanna be SEEN

#

bro caseoh playing granny is alwauys so entertaining

#

run it back turbo

#

im bored iim gonna take a shower

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yo why did my momma have to get sick

#

😭

#

covid in the big 25

ashen pecan
#

WHY DO I GENUIJNELY LOOK LIKE A MAN WITH WET HAIR

#

im dying

#

i cannot get over how aesthetic conan gray is

#

i feel bad for my mom shes just been in her bed like all day

#

i forget how depressing covid is

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i remember when i had covid i was just bedrotting and i was being dehumanized by my family

#

my family is really germaphobic and when i get sick they dont talk to me

#

i really hope we outgrow that

ashen pecan
#

im worried if i get covid or a long term sickness and i miss school

#

im already worried enough for classes i have the day of

#

NEED TO DRINK WATER

#

Ok so what if i like girls again

#

tjhen what

#

SO WHAT IF I LIKE girls

#

i still like guys tho

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actually

#

LET ME RUN AN EXPERIMENT FOR THE REST OF MY SCHOOL YEAR TO SEE THE AVERAGE OF BOY AND GIRL CRUSHES

#

i think it was a little bit unfair for me back then to say that i didnt like girls because my type didnt exist

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when i was in a small ah school

#

also i would just meet shitty ass women back then

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online

#

yes :)

#

also i think its unfair that i was only lusting over people and never really had a real connection with guys that i found attractive

#

my game is just attracting men and then giving them what they want then realize this isnt what i wanted

#

why am i saying men we're 14 😭

#

boys

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yes

#

i kinda hate the saying of like

#

boys will be boys go for men

#

youre only really tolerating their bad behaviors

#

like infantilizing them

#

boys just sounds whimsical SORRY so i use men on accident

ashen pecan
#

and sensitivity

#

idk i also just find it weird that women say this and they get mad at that one twitter post that was like "women are in between a child and a man"

#

i guess thats

#

offensive in a way you interpret it

#

also saying girls is more normalized than saying boys i realize

ashen pecan
#

oh man i can just sense the pick me comments running at me

#

can i just call out other womens behaviors and holding them accountable

#

im tired of enabling people

#

because seriously define a girls girl

#

if you get mad at the fact that im not enabling this behavior then youre just breeding women to become desensitized to this crap

#

and not call out others

#

i thought that was the whole thing about women empowerment is to speak up for yourself and do what you think is right

#

goat followed me back on instagram

ashen pecan
#

ASHITE ASHITEEEE ASHITEEEEEE

ashen pecan
#

concept art man

#

concept art

#

um

#

weird ass proportions im wrasing the lower half

#

IDK WTF TO DRw FOR HIS OUTFIT

ashen pecan
#

the urge to just slap a hoodie on my boy 😭

#

sleepy

#

i feel like i can add so much more to the front of my sketchbook

#

ugh

#

should i bring my sketchbook to school i feel like i dont ever have the time to draw

#

HIP popped

#

I CHOOSE ME IM SORRY

#

I CHOOSE ME IM SORRYYY

#

please never stop making music kendrick i love you so much I LOVEEE YOUUUUUU

#

guys what do i wear for school tomorrow i feel like im in a rut

#

O

#

ih

#

OH

#

i finally got a linen button up

#

:3

#

but like idk its not that flattering on me

#

i wanna learn how to style it properly

#

i am so in love with pretty boys omg

#

do i really love pretty boys or do i chase for their aesthetic

ashen pecan
#

fax snoopy

Screenshot_2025-08-26_at_10.58.37_PM.png
#

BRO I WANT TO HAFVE A FUNNY LAUGH

#

when i laugh i just chuckle or i have the silent laugh

ashen pecan
#

ngl kinda stoked for winter

#

not rly

#

i just wanna sleep good in my sheets

vestal dragon
ashen pecan
#

some girl that got broken up with

ashen pecan
#

BROOO MY SANDWICH HAS PORES AGAIN

#

UFGSAGHHHHH

ashen pecan
#

dies bruh

#

shes so cool

#

we were looking at about me slides and she said that she did piano for 7 years and she knows mandarin

#

im in love with musicians

#

im actuallt about to cry bro

#

as i say that i hear this fucking violinist playing the most majestic la campella

#

i thought it was coming from a tv

vestal dragon
#

KIDDING

round galleon
ashen pecan
#

if u play any band instrument other than the percussion ur out

vestal dragon
ashen pecan
#

oh damn

#

wtf

#

u play in an orchestra?

#

or

ashen pecan
#

I LOVE her

#

im gonna

#

follow her on instagram I DONT GIVE A GAF

#

wow just fuck me in the ass already theres 30 of my mutuals following her

#

bro shes so gorgeous i wanna

#

KAHSGJJFGNXVNJKNKCXLSFO

#

please pleaes bro please

#

i just

#

...

#

ASHGADFGAWHRUIGEW IR HIUWERH GIDFHGNSK

#

SHE FOLLOWED ME BACK YAYAYAYA

#

IM GONNA CRY EVEN HER PROFILE IS SO AESTHETIC

#

w

#

SHE LIKES FSDJSAD=FSAGJSGK ENHYPEN

#

please never change bro i DONT CARE IF WE JUST KNEW EACHOTHER SINCE LAST WEEK

#

2 weeks until my geo test.

#

lock in.

#

nah im good

#

ASJDFOH OWUT HERK i love this girl i cant even put it into words

ashen pecan
#

bro i ust woke up

#

aint no way

#

there goes my sleeping schedule

#

oh man i feel like shit i cant trust my thoughts rn

#

never listen to the voices after 10 pm

#

how do i stop disassociating

#

hello

#

why

#

wrong channel

#

#general-help

#

go here

#

youll get more help there than in here

#

uhh I'm flattered you think that I can help you, but this is my journal im not supposed to be here to help people

#

no

warm knot
#

Okay and sorry for inconvenience.

ashen pecan
#

i just dont think i can help right now

#

no worries but if u need help go to #general-help

#

im tired

vestal dragon
ashen pecan
#

not really

vestal dragon
ashen pecan
#

i think i realized something

#

i relapsed yesterday but i didnt feel anything

#

at least the feelings i was able to retrieve when i used to do it on a daily basis

#

and

#

i am a little bit sad that i break my streak of being 'clean'

#

but it doesnt really affect me that much because i shouldnt be focusing on how long ive stayed clean but rather how this affects me and its long term effects

#

1 day wont throw me off

#

metaphorically like one tire being slashed doesnt mean i should slash my other 3 tires

ashen pecan
#

that

#

affected

#

it just felt like something i had to not do each day and i would be happier and healthier

#

i see the change though

#

i know that this isnt what i want but i realize that i relapse when im like fuck it

#

like last night i felt so dreadful and i was so disappointed that i woke up at like 12 am so i just relapsed

#

im tired still but i promise this will pay off

#

i have to take care of my future self

#

i think i also need to realize that i should stop complaining about things if im not willing to make it better

#

yo wtf im looking at the irror and my calfs are like

#

big as fuck 💀

#

anyway this morning i made a matcha lavender drink

#

it tastes good

#

i love monster

#

not the drink

#

the manga

#

i wanna buy the set :(

#

tbh maybe they have it at my local book place

#

i heart barnes and noble why cant i have one near me

ashen pecan
#

im kinda scared

#

😭

#

im wearing a belt with fake bullets but i wonder if i will get dress coded for it

#

it doesnt rly look like bullets until you wonder what it is

vestal dragon
ashen pecan
#

this is the most ive seen you text in my forum

ashen pecan
#

umm

#

so

#

i just realized i mightve dropped my necklace somewhere

#

.

#

im gonna actually freak out if i cant find it in my locker

#

bro

#

😭

ashen pecan
#

found it

#

yay

ashen pecan
#

need to buy more monster manga

#

plss

ashen pecan
# ashen pecan

nooo i was reading a subreddit and they said i shouldnt wear it

#

americans man

#

i dont wanna wear no fuckass stud belt bro

#

😭😭

#

its

#

bru

#

my school is lowk weird

#

ngl

#

not really but we have this gender neutral bathroom and the stalls are like rooms kinda and its like bro

#

you can easily have sex in there or something i get that its just like something to make bathrooms more inclusive with students but sometimes i feel nervous inside

#

like especially when its highschool idk its not uncommon in america

#

if people do shit under the stairs i dont wanna imagine how it is in the bathroom stalls

#

theres only one bathroom thats like boys and girls but its less used

#

i was gonna say that if they allow gender neutral bathrooms then that would also mean that changing rooms would be neutral but then again its more private and its probably illegal to do that

#

not saying they should i mean thank god

#

i also think its annoying that transgender people think they have the right to go in restrooms thats not aligned with their assigned gender

#

no offense but its just like

#

?? bro

ashen pecan
#

why is the habit gummy. burger so damn good

ashen pecan
#

omg i got a new cello and this one sounds so crisp

#

its $1200 tho 💔…

ashen pecan
#

BRP CAN I ACTUALLY STOP GETTING PINGS im tired

#

cant rven

#

mute the servers cause im on mobile web

#

😭😭

ashen pecan
#

im actually so dead bro

#

i

#

my brian

#

brains gone

#

theres this really cute guy in my pe class

#

and we sit next to eachtoehr

#

i really wanna go to sleep but im not like

#

its too early i dont wanna wake up at 2 am bruh

ashen pecan
ashen pecan
#

im super fucking sleepy bfro

#

but i know im gonna be up until like 12

ashen pecan
#

Ok my ex just requested me on instagram

#

i am not accepting that im leaving that on read

ashen pecan
#

ok i found i t

#

shit looks too mysterious i dont even have any mutuals following him

#

I CANT FOLLOW IT BRO not yet

#

i need to conversate with him first

ashen pecan
#

Why did my friend just tell me she has the biggest friend crush on her

#

i relaly dont give a gaf

#

i dont give a gaf

#

not one

#

not two

#

not even three

#

i need to get off instagram im better off not knowing but also this has been helping me get closer to people AND I JUST NEED

#

WILLPOWER BRO

#

i dont even want her like that why am i acting like a cornball

#

no but seriously im just insecure i want a friendship so bad its not even funny

#

like damn God please help a bro out fr

ashen pecan
#

im starting to think that my best friend doesnt even think of me as her best friend

#

im tired

#

shes not even my best friend we dont even talk anymore

#

im only saying best because ive known her for like 4 years

#

the thing is it doesnt feel like im her actual friend because she tries to stay on good terms with everybody and yk

#

be everyones friend

#

i need someone who will appreciate me man

#

i know she said she loves me but damn i hate when people throw i love you at me because they know how much of an impact it makes

#

do you really love me

#

do you value appreciate and see me

#

would you hang out with me and not have your other friends in your mind

#

is she really another proximity friend

#

the only times we would talk is during the classes we had together but she kinda just

#

doesnt interact with me when we pass eachother or she says hi and goes immediately back to her friends

#

maybe im just jealous she has so many friends but damn

#

i really just need to find someone who will appreciate me man and idk i said im content with being alone relationship wise but why is it genuinely so hard to find female friends

#

and i want the exact same appreciation and dedication a partner would give me if someone was my friend

#

but its just so much more easier to find a boyfriend instead and its just like bro

#

am i

#

gonna be alone

#

i have a headache

#

what do i have that would add onto someones life

#

i should really stop complaining

#

i kkeep on venting about shit cause i want people to feel bad for me

#

8md9

#

i dont think it matters im gonna find people

#

jsadnfjjjkladfl

#

dude im like always in a rut with advice being dished out to me

#

like theres a part of me that wants to feel my emotions and express myself but theres a part of me thats like hahaahh ajno be optimistic things will be better

#

then there yolo and nobody cares keep pushing

#

does

#

anyone

#

care

#

?

#

okay

#

well

#

alright