#Journal of a 12th grader

1877 messages · Page 2 of 2 (latest)

mental root
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Earlier

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During advanced maths

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I asked (demanded) my friend to teach me how to do a specific question

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He teaches me using graphs

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I go

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Yeah whats that mean in equation

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He tries explaining

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Ion understand

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After a few times

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He uses a shorter form of the word titik (dot)

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And I repeat it

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And we end up laughing for the remaining time

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And I still dont get the question

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Also I finally get to leech off my old extra curriculum again

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After school I have extra lessons but I have 2 hours in between where I just sit in my ex extra curriculum and read a book

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Sometimes my juniors come and talk to me but thats fine cuz they cool

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Sadly I have to work sometimes and take a picture of them for documentation💔

mental root
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Currently making my absolute moral rules, think Im gonna call it "Ramos drag path"

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Since its the proof of the path I took in life

mental root
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I may be heading to Malaysia due to rising health complications

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Prolly nothing too serious tbf

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But it reminds me

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Ever since I became a teen

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I thought to myself

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How would I act if I had a terminal illness

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How should I act?

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Should I continue school

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I mean I love my friends

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But I also dont wanna spend the rest of my time in such a place

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Then should I just explore the world

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Well thats expensive

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And that kinda makes my entire journey and hardwork in school basically void

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I wouldnt want to burden my loved ones

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But I'd also like for them to let me be more free

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OBVIOUSLY ITS NOT A TERMINAL ILLNESS

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But like

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Just makes me think

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I never realized how sick someone can be with the atmosphere of a hospital

mental root
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I have realized

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That Im highkey goated in talking

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Not online of course

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Anyways I was experimenting with noses today

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Also we're a bit over 1000 messages now

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So I would like to thank the people who have checked up on me and chatted in this journal.

Thank you Sirol, Ellie, js, and you know me.

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And last but not least, thank you Dyno Bot 🗣️ 🗣️ 🗣️ 🗣️

mental root
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Lowk

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Still chasing my old prime

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No idea if its just nostalgia or sum

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But I feel like

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My 10th grade self

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Was when I was at my strongest

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I could push myself far beyond my limits

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Way more than I could now

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At least Im better at running now🧟‍♂️

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But I have a feeling the 10th grade me would still be able to catch up with my current self even in running

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Maybe Im just glazing tho

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Tbf others were glazing too

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Idk tho

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Lowk Im gonna train my grip strength more

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Seems like its my biggest strength

mental root
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I am NOT over my crush

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Yesterday saw her in a new sweater

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I felt the butterflies eating through my stomach

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Had to sit down for a bit

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She looked at my story🗣️ 🗣️ 🗣️

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Is this a sign🗣️ 🗣️ 🗣️ /j

mental root
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Oldest bro yappin with his girl on call

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Ts pmo

mental root
mental root
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Lowk

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In middle school

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I thought I'd be a loner introvert in High School

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What a plot twist

mental root
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Lowkenuinely

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The perception of my sexuality has been a topic for debate

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Some of my friends say

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I seem so extremely straight

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They cant imagine me as not straight

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And that I may be the straightest man they've seen

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Thats like 5+ of my friends

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But then theres a few who think Im gay cuz of the jokes I make

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I am straight tho

little anvil
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also is this new avatar decoration tuff?

mental root
mental root
mental root
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ION GET PEOPLE NO MORE

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I think my insight and new pov is making it harder for me to comfort people

mental root
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How do I

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Not get ragebaited

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Tbf at least I dont throw temper tantrums

mental root
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I hate when people try to sandwich insults with casualness

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It feels like facing someone who isnt willing to face their own spite

tranquil rivet
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Like if you want to say something please just be direct 🤦‍♂️

mental root
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I prefer when people are honest to me and themselves

mental root
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3 DOLLAR PIZZA

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MMM SO YUMMY

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3 dollar Margherita pizza

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Like not just a slice

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Genuinely so bussing bro

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Technically below 3 dollars cuz its 50k which is like 2.95 or sum

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Genuinely

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So good

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Prolly a loss leader or sum

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I aint complaining

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My friends and I ordered two

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AND IT WAS BUSSING

mental root
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Jeez I cant believe its almost been like a year since this journal started

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Not even an 11th grade anymore

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Its Journal of a 12th grader now

mental root
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Too sleepy to eat, to hungry to sleep

mental root
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Parents cooked a crap ton of food cuz the fridge aint working

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Well, I aint complaining

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Im still growing (hopefully)

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PLEASE SPEED I NEED THIS

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MY HEIGHT KINDA 180

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I wanna be like

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3km tall

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And weigh

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Like

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2 pounds

mental root
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Lows

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Lowk

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Like three days ago

mental root
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I played the game with my friends where we yelled a word louder and louder until someone chickened out

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And we yelled a few words

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Then we yelled 67

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My friend chickened out but I continued to yell it at him

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I hear a baddie yell 67 back

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I run away

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💯 💯 💯

mental root
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Havent watched Epic yet but would you fall in love with me again is so peak

mental root
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There is a certain wringing of my heart I feel

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As if it wishes to squeeze out all the anxiety my blood holds, albeit small.

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Perhaps it is because of my upcoming exams and tight dealines

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Or it might have been caused by my inability to commit to the national exam, rather still inefficiently dividing my time for other unnecessary things

little anvil
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dude im beyond procrastination , im not even doing shit anymore 😭

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im in a downwards spiral

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delaying shit

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not doing it

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exams looming over

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im actually shameless not even studying 2 days b4 the exam

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writing this at 1 am

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we might be cooked as a species because of the social shit we do

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like who invented insta and yt shorts

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they eat thorugh my time

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and i get nothing done

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i have fake ass motivatio nthat goes away in 2 mins and im back to being a dumbass

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bro if this continues i might just become a hobo

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🥀

little anvil
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can u change it?

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idk bruh

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imma go study

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2 exams on friday and 2 on monday

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im cooked

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holy frick its thursday alr

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yeah im cooked 🍚

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i might just have to remove discord aswell

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everything is so fuckin distracting

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well its 1:30 prolly gonna study till like 5/6 am

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then NOT sleep

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and study some more

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alright gng

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thats the end of my rant

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gn to whoever sleeps

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good morning to those who will wake up

mental root
mental root
mental root
mental root
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Get well soon

mental root
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Lowk

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Was at wing stop

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Cuz I made a deal to make sure we have free time and she'd buy me some WS

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Then I went there with these two girls

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A third appears and approaches us

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I know all of em and fairly close yknow

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But I sat as silent and rigid as a tree

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They were talm bout drama and all

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I AINT EVER HEARD OF THESE DRAMAS

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I was just eating my chicken while they were talm bout how they hate the person they hang out all the time with

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Girl gossip is truly a different level

kind mauve
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I love your vibe fr

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I didn’t read everything you said, but i read the big parts.

kind mauve
mental root
mental root
kind mauve
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noOoOoOooOo

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Lasagna isn’t breaded or battered

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Nor is it deep fried

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And also ive never ate lasagna with chicken

mental root
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Lowk wouldnt eating with a spoon making everything into a nugget then

little anvil
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that nugget is like in english sense (small lump/amount) but in modern lingo a nugget is usually a mcnugget or like a chicky nuggy . BRO wtf is a pasta nugget

kind mauve
mental root
kind mauve
mental root
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The plate too????

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Honestly I could never man

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Props to you

kind mauve
mental root
mental root
kind mauve
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And the floor under that.

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The pillers under that.

mental root
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If I was an admin I'd give you goat status rn

mental root
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HELP

kind mauve
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THE DIRT UNDER THAT!!

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THE WORLD ITSELF!!!!!!

mental root
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How far off earth must I go to survive?

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Journal of a 12th grader

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Current lock screen. Tbh already high time for me to change it since Im 17 and I've gone through really cool stuff lately

IMG-20260130-WA0017.jpg
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Tonight Im not gonna study 👅 (tired my heart out by drinking copious amounts of coffee and staying up late for the past few days)

mental root
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Chat Im having a fashion off with my friends tomorrow and I haven't picked my fit yet

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Am I cooked or cookied

little anvil
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ur my cookie

mental root
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Woahhh

mental root
little anvil
little anvil
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don toliver kinda coooked no ? 🗣️ 🧯

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🧯

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🔥

mental root
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Whos Don Toliver

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Monthly recap

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(Bottom right to left top)

  1. Sleep over first day with best friend
  2. Went to museum with said friend after sleep over
  3. Official school run test (800m in 3 minutes)
  4. Middle brother came to Jakarta, chill guy
  5. Went to the middle of Java to see my oldest brother
  6. Went to buy 3 dollar magherita pizza with most of my homies
mental root
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I will now instate in a new goal for myself

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  1. Learn how to the windmill (tornado dance with them legs)
  2. Get into the best university
mental root
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Progress on windmill

  1. Was able to do the first pose with legs raised

Problems

  1. Idk how to spin on my back
  2. Ion think Im strong enough to spin twice
mental root
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Lowk no idea if my barber ruined my crap but we'll see tomorrow

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After all

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Never trust yourself after 10pm

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Previously

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Please tomorrow clutch up random hair generator

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Aka shower and towell then helmet

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Truly the random hair generator

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Could give me an expensive looking 6 hour made haircut but could also make me look like a bamboo shoot

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Please Im begging

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Tomorrow is the P.E practical exams

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I need good hair

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Also shout out to my goat, my homie pen guy (wont say his real name duh)

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Did basically the entire group project by himself while I just talked to him and did extremely minor things (tbf it was more of a one man thing)

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Also shares a passion for sports like me

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And chemistry

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And terraria

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Genuinely what a goat bro

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Made his drawing yesterday

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Lowkey got a friend named Made so the word "Made" always looks a bit weird to me

mental root
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Went to one of the most biggest politicians house today

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I'll only show this pic cuz idk maybe pictures with said person could be used

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Idk not trynna get into a political hot pot brochachos

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Just know this guy is known by basically everybody in the country and everyone might have to depend on him in the future (maybe)

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Lmao tbh if you search it up on google you'd find the guy instantly

mental root
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Hate it when someone brings up really good points against another side but then suddenly says something racist like bro the hell

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I swear saw a video about racism where the guy called out another guy for being racist just to then make a racist comment 💔

mental root
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GOTTA LOVE DIARY OF A WIMPY KID BUT TS CAN GET SO EMBARRASSING

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Rodrick my goat but bro 💔

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I guess admiration truly is the furthest thing from understanding

mental root
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Things I did today

  • run to school while it was raining cuz I wanted to ball
    -embarrass myself while balling
    -walk back home
    -make pumpkin cheesecake with my mom
    -watch diary of a wimpy kid: dog days
    -tried looking both ways at once just to look at an idiot
    -Beef with my hg
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What a good day to be alive

mental root
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Thing I did

  • passed my religious exam
  • eat my cheesecake
mental root
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Today Im planning to

  • go on a run
  • do pull ups
  • spar my friend
  • study for the national exam
  • try not to be a bum in the arts group exam (I swear I wanna help it's just so awkward. Im the only person not in their friend group)
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Long term things to do

  • clean face up before prom
  • get my suit tailored to my body
  • get my shoes painted
  • be able to run 5k before the end of school
    -idk
mental root
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I was not fully a bum in the arts group exam

mental root
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Today and Tomorrows plans

  1. Study for tomorrows written exam (should be easy lowk)
  2. Do pull ups again
  3. Discuss and work on decorations for stand
  4. Play basketball
  5. Practice breakdancing
mental root
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Just finished making a prep sheet for my practical exam tomorrow

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Well today

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But tbh Im prolly not gonna use it lmao

mental root
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I'll send a pic of the pumpkin cheesecake I made tomorrow

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Tomorrow's to-do list:

  1. Idk present at my stand Ig
  2. Try crack a few jokes with my teammates (I NEED THE CONNECTIONS THEY HAVE HELLA POTENTIAL TO BE RICH BRO, I NEEDA BE SEEN IN GOOD LIGHT)
  3. Check out my crush's and also friend's stand
  4. Run and workout if possible
  5. Study a crap ton for national exams
  6. Somehow resist easting my cheesecake (sugar diet)
mental root
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The practical exam was totally that deep

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Also ran to school today

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I can do 6(bad) pull ups now

mental root
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I hate acknowledging the fact my parents are aging

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Every time I think about it I feel like a child about to cry

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I told my mom like please stay young for a few more years

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I didnt want to look at her eyes while saying it

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Cuz tbh

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I was crying a bit

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And Im pretty sure it'd be much more than "a bit" If I looked at her

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As much as I've disliked my family in the past

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The hate they had for me and the hate I've had for them

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In these past years

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I've discovered their characters

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Noticed and acknowledged their flaws

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Their humanity

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And in that I found comfort, love, and family.

mental root
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Messy and imperfect but that was damn tasty

IMG_20260215_094547.jpg
mental root
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Didnt really do anything today

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But bring my friend (who lives an hour away) a birthday cake I made for her previously (its wack as hell tho so Im not gonna ask her if she liked it)

mental root
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Cooking was uneven but thankfully the piece of meat was decent so it waas still easy to cut

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Also thats instant rendang spice mixed with the rice

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Tasted better than I thought

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CHAT I FEEL LIKE A BUM EVEN THOUGH IM BEING PRODUCTIVE

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I should try something new

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Like hiking

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Or cave diving

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Sky diving

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Wow nvm those are all expensive

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And Im not trying to become a ghost nor meet one

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Im just gonna ask my friends what their hobby is and copy it

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Do yall have any niche/cool hobbies? (Anything really)

mental root
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Sadly, it seems like I have a (mild) superiority complez

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Probably stems from the fact that I cant live up to expectations and am not one of the really good students in my school

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Never thought I'd be insecure about it. I mean I felt pretty chill about having friends who are much smarter than me, and also being a simple person (not dumb though)

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I mean I started getting really happy when I'd beat people in test scores since a year ago

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But I thought that was just being competitive

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But recently during my extra lessons near school I struggled on a part and my close friend who I saw as not as good as me got it. I was trying to not ask for help cuz superiority complex Ig but yknow I just tucked it and asked anyways

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I dont really wanna see people as less than me just cuz of something stupid like academics

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I dont wanna think its that deep either, like in thought thats stupid as hell of me to have a superiority complex

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Aside from the intelligence superiority complex I also MIGHT (maybe?) Have a moral superiority complex? (I really hope not cuz my god thatd mean all my character development amounted to nothing)

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But basically I was at my expo stand with two of my friends

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I asked them "do you two believe in 'survival of the fittest'. Like if you could, would you dispose of the non/less contributing member of society" And they said yes, I debated with them since a large part of me is my belief and redemption and I've come to be irrational when it comes to my friends since I value them a lot, even if they arent exactly that contributing

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Anyways we kept talking but then I contradicted myself at one point, anyways we continued and at one point one of my friends went "how much longer do we need to talk for you to validate yourself as morally superior"

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I said I wasnt trying to do that and told her Im a bad person, probably the worst in school cuz of my past

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Ugh that feels like such an excuse now that I see it

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Anyways these days I keep thinking about these two incidents

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I think I connected Ideology with morality too much

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Maybe I was trying to claim moral superiority?

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I mean I think I ask it to know what they think and also express my opinion since I like talking about that stuff but maybe there was something else?

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The Intelligence superiority complex is pretty visible (to myself at least) but Im not so sure about the morality one

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Ugh I hope I can extinguish both of them cuz honestly Ion think either is all that important (cuz we dont even differ that much)

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Maybe its cuz national entrance exams are coming up, so my intelligence superiority complex is a way of coping my brain uses to convince myself that Im gonna do fine on the exams cuz Im ahead of others? So when I dont feel ahead of others it makes me feel bad and I direct that upon my friends?

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Ugh why do I even tell the internet so much when it'd be easy to find my friends and tell them this all 💔

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Tldr: Meditation arc is coming up everybody

mental root
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These chia seeds are NOT making me feel full

mental root
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Last night

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I was studying for national college entrance exams

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Then it really hit me

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The fact it takes 14 years after high school to be a cardiologist

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Lowk got overwhelmed by the thought

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Mom was like "oh you're life is good"

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I told her thats not a good thing to say to someone stressed out

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Then she commented again but I asked her to please be quiet

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After like 30 seconds I calmed down as a single tear runs down my face

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But now I kinda gotta face the crossroad

crystal cape
mental root
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Went to school to do my extra lessons but turns out theres no extra lessons today cuz of CNY 💔

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Im just gonna study more at home

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Also food I ate

IMG_20260217_182947.jpg
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Ignore the random thumb on the left

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Im being haunted by a mysterious pair of thumbs

mental root
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Thank you Waffle, you're highkey my goat rn

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Im gonna make waffles tomorrow

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Put some of my real butter on it

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Some honey on top

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Then Im gonna post a picture of my waffles

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And debate with pancake lovers

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I love both

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But the crispy edges of waffles just cant be beat 💔

naive flume
mental root
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Gatekeeped way of getting niche songs/artists

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Nvm Im not gonna tell

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But I found a fire super niche song just now

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👅

mental root
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At a meeting rn (mom dragged me here 💔)

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Fire food tho

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Fire pen as well

mental root
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I was basically bumming out yesterday

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I went for a run

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Help my mom prepare dinner

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Studied

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Nothing special

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But today

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Im gonna

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  1. Study
  2. Cook dinner with my homie
  3. Go to a social event with said homie
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I hope I have time to go for a run

mental root
# mental root 1. Study 2. Cook dinner with my homie 3. Go to a social event with said homie

Uh so

  1. Studied a bit so yeah cool stuff
  2. Made naan bread+fried chicken and fries fried in beef tallow+burnt beef fat+curry and thousand islan dressing as a sauce. Ate it like a taco, was tasty as hell
  3. So uh, the event was for 20 and 30 year olds. Im 17 and my friend is 18 (no we didnt do any adult stuff). We blended in and I got to know a few people and also learnt how to play pool
mental root
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Took my hat and jacket off over there of course

mental root
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Just a random lore drop

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I've never considered myself to be unintelligent rather I consider myself to be more on the intelligent side

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But

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I do take longer than most people to mature/realize stuff

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I mean I think Im at a good spot right now

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But like idk

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I wonder how much things my friends have realized that Im still unaware of

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I hope its not much

mental root
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Friend asked me to write a good bye note to them

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Lowk dont know what to write

mental root
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Natasha.
You are as though a book. One with a summary so criminally omissive it led me to believe you were a terrible human being. Oh, how quickly I was proven wrong.

As the winds of our final year in high school breezed against the tables we studied on, the pages of your book fluttered ephemerally, creating an iridescent blur.

I was granted an aperture into you, not so big that I could know you from cover to cover, but one which let me see how foolish I was to believe the summary which painted you as horrid.

Natasha Altair.
You are a book. A book which betrays the summary that's written about you, but not one which would ever betray its readers.

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What I ended up writing

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Also thats not a real name

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Duh

little anvil
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dude why cant i send gifs here

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ts pmo

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i was gonna send the fire writing gif

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"insert fire writing gif here"

naive flume
little anvil
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thank you helper

mental root
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Oh wait it must've be a downloaded gif

mental root
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Hung out with my friends (censored for privacy reasons ofc)

naive flume
mental root
naive flume
mental root
# mental root

Im act holding a 12 kg dumbell in this pic but the cameraman didnt take that part (frfr, you can trust me)

mental root
naive flume
mental root
little anvil
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i personally would trust a guy named sugar cube

mental root
little anvil
mental root
little anvil
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i cannot think of any more bruh

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ig there is just no solution

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🙂

mental root
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Sometimes a question is better than a solution

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Sometimes a question is a solution

mental root
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Hate it when my plans derail and I have little time to play terraria

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I only have 30 minutes or so

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Life is truly saddening

mental root
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If my crush were to live in the same era as Galileo. He would toss his telescope and gaze directly into her eyes, as he would find the starts he had been looking for

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Anyways rant time

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A big part of me if redemption and forgiving

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But my god do I hate that one teacher

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  1. When you answer incorrectly she'd drag you through the ground and make you feel like crap (made me feel unconfident)
  2. The way she treats some of her students is not respectable. Hence why I dont respect her as an adult
  3. I hate the way she always talks with sass and also assumes crap about me. Back then she said to my dad I was always using my headphones and not paying attention to class even though I was actually trying my hardest at that time and it made me feel like crap and I ended up crying in front of my mom.
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So this week is exam week right

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Today was the last day

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I come into the exam room, then try boot up my laptop. It doesnt boot up

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I go to the teachers then go to a computer lab and use one of the computers there.

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First exam of the day finished, I go to the teacher and ask whether I should do the second exam in computer lab

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She says that I have to use my own laptop, like from a family member. I end up only having 30 minutes left on the exam cuz the laptop my brother sent me also didnt boot up and she finally let me use a computer in the computer lab

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After the second exam, I ask my friend if he was told the same thing by the teacher. That you cant do the second exam in the comp-lab

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NO. MY FRIEND WASNT TOLD THAT, THE TEACHERS DIDNT KNOW WHAT SHE WAS TALM BOUT EITHER

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Then apparently my dad was messaged

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She says something like "hello, bla bla formal. Your sons laptop isnt working and he had a lax go happy attitude still"

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Like

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She was assuming I was being disrespectful

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Cuz I didnt panic?

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But she was also being like indirect about it

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Both my dad and I hate that. So he goes

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If my son did something wrong, punish him!

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Cuz like yknow, shes trying to get my dad to be mad instead of having to do it herself

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She rants about some "oh if your laptop is like this during the national college entrance exams it'll be like this yknow" Like bro my laptop suddenly just wouldnt work what would I do about it so I just say "well I hope it wont end up like that" And she goes "if you're hoping like that then your exams gonna be just hoping"

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But like in a sarcastic tone

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Like bro

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If you hate me just say it bro. Say Im broke or whatever, I much prefer that over sarcastic crap

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Its not just me who hates her

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Tons of students hate her

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Both for the way she teaches and the questions she has

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Different reasons from mine, of course

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BUT LIKE, BRO

mental root
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Lowk dont know how surfers pose

mental root
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Not something that recently happened but it seems people think I hate kids

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Which is very inaccurate

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I am childlike and whimsical (I swear Im not being performative please) and I love the honest nature that they possess

little anvil
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much safer

mental root
mental root
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CHAT

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IM COOKED

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I got to know

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One of my cousins today

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Two years younger than me

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But accelerated student

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So shes in the same grade as me

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So we're both studying for the national univ exams

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She asks if I can teach well and I say yeah

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Then she asks me to teach her

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I say yeah sure at 8 tonight

#

CHAT SHES A TWICE ACCELERATED STUDENT

#

AS IF I COULD TEACH HER CRAP

#

IM NOT EVEN GOOD AT THE SUBJECT

#

All this just to aurafarm in front of my cousins

#

💔

little anvil
#

an old dog can always have new tricks up his sleeve

mental root
#

The old dog secretly used performance enhancing meds before entering the fight

mental root
#

This server is oddly strict with their words after all

little anvil
little anvil
mental root
#

LETS HOPE SO

little anvil
#

the old dog doesnt hope he knows

#

the old dog likes j.cole also

#

the old dog's procrastination has started catching up to him

#

the old dog has to do a miracle to score well on his test on monday

#

like always the old dog will pass

#

but he will never score

#

maybe the old dog needs to change his ways

#

oof

#

thats the new dog talking

#

old dog passes

#

and "enjoys" life

#

the old dog fears he might never grow

#

old dog out

#

time to perform a miracle

#

✌

#

✌️

mental root
mental root
mental root
#

Good luck old dog

mental root
#

YO

mental root
#

So uh

#

Good news

#

All went went

#

And I uh

#

Just remembered

#

How skewed my standards for smart people are now

#

Since Im in the 4th best high school in the nation

mental root
little anvil
#

is there a test to like get into highschool?

#

also i never asked ur country gang

#

i did

#

its indonesia

mental root
#

I mean my high school

little anvil
# mental root Yeah

i have a question lets say i have been trying to get something for like a year but have been doing my 60% and i havent got that thing should i still do it or just keep doing it but with 100%

#

cuz rn if i get more bad grades imma kms

mental root
#

But oh well I'd say go 100% for a bit then if it improves just go 80%

little anvil
mental root
little anvil
mental root
little anvil
#

ok

mental root
#

Lowk

#

Turns our

#

Out

#

Having a top rank feels really good

#

Like you could act stupid and all whimsy

#

People think you're stupid

#

Then someone asks your name

#

And bam

#

Lowk I shouldnt abuse this

#

Anyways I would like to thank God for showing me the way

#

I asked for a sign yknow, score and rank goes up means Im aiming for the no 1 univ in my country

#

And thank god it did

little anvil
#

let the powerful stay in power

livid cape
#

which hs r u at

little anvil
#

headshot?

little anvil
#

oh

#

high school

#

im in my final year and this guy is aswell i think

#

rekton

mental root
#

My bad guys I was quarantined for a while since the national college entrance exams is coming up

mental root
mental root
#

Anyways the exams are tomorrow

#

Got home from watching a movie

#

Cuz yknow you're supposed to relax your mind and all

#

Mom sees me and goes on a rant about how I shouldnt be going out and how I shouldve stayed at home to rest

#

And yknow first things first, I love my mom and dad of course

#

But I feel like they always project themselves on me

#

Like I was quarantined for an entire month in a hotel

#

I think going outside would be better for relaxing my mind

#

And yknow I asked for motivational words or sum (corny Ik)

#

She goes we've given you them in the past and supported you so much in the past

#

And yknow I gotta say, yeah

#

I love them and all they've done for me in the past

#

But like

#

Can I hear it one more time please

#

I know its greedy

#

And ungrateful

#

But yknow

#

Im a bit anxious

#

And I think a word or two from my parents would really help me out

#

Instead of a rant on how I should've gone about my day instead of letting me do what I want

#

Tldr: wish me luck, twins. I'll need a decent amount of it

little anvil
mental root
#

That crap was traumatic

little anvil
mental root
#

I feel like my view on the world has been protecting me from the fear of not existing in the mortal realm

#

I'd view it as "oh yeah Rektons gotta go one day too"

#

Instead of me having to go

#

As religious as I am

#

I fear the loss of conscious

#

I wish to keep existing

#

I fear for my life

#

Sometimes it paralyzes me

#

The fact that I am not some outsider, observing this universe through the lens that is Rekton

#

But that I am the flesh and bones, tied to this realm

#

It scares me

#

I do not wish to fade

#

I wish to continue

#

Even if it meant lasting more than eternity

#

Even if I had to live past all minutes Eternity holds for every other being

#

When I think

#

One day

#

I could just be doing crap

#

On my motorbike

#

Helping a guy

#

Being on a high floor

#

The possibility

#

Of it just fading

#

No more experience

#

No more conscious

#

No more friends

#

Family

#

No afterlife

#

It scares me endlessly

#

Perhaps

#

It would be best for me to fade in my sleep

#

It truly frightens me

#

I could be minding my own business

#

And his conscious

#

It wont exist anymore

#

Not even pitch black

#

Just

#

Not there

#

Not a voice to remember

#

Not a sight to behold

#

Not a step to take

#

Not a bite to savor

#

Not an aroma to follow

little anvil
#

goofy ass

#

bot

#

not letting me send gifs

little anvil
#

insane poem

mental root
#

Lowk

#

Highk

#

Crazy

#

Amusement park shenanigans with one of the circles I got adopted in to

#

Cuz of privacy I will not be uploading any of their faces ofc

mental root
#

Really like where my hair is at rn

#

Anyways I should go bald

mental root
#

I will be changing the title of this journal in a few weeks

#

As I am about to graduate

#

Which is quite somber

#

But yknow

#

The somber nature of some moments just make those moment just that more beautiful I suppose

#

Cant believe I'll have had this journal for like 2 years

#

Honestly thought I'd quit after a few weeks at most

#

I mean I did sometimes

#

But I like this journal

#

More than I expected

#

I got to talk to new people

#

I got to say what I could never to anybody I know irl

mental root
#

Lowk

#

I may be fricked for prom

#

The theme is PARTY TIME RIO

#

BRO WE'RE HIGH SCHOOLERS IN A CONSERVATIVE COUNTRY

#

WHAT WAS THE THOUGHT PROCESS

#

Genuinely I dont wanna just go in a regular ahh suit with no modifications

#

I've been searching up feathered accessories to make/commission

#

But bro I swear this theme sucks so bad

#

Ion think anybody is even gonna follow it 💔

little anvil
#

its prolly available easily

mental root
mental root
#

Uhh so two things

  1. I had a dream about my ctush and I actually flirted in said dream, a contrast to what I'd usually do in my dreams whenever she appeared: have no balls like irl
  2. At school durring the assembly she was like 10 lines away from me so I pointed at her (was talking about her with my friend) and it just so happens, everybody parted away just so slightly and she turns my way just as I point to her, fml
#

Fml stands for fm lstudio frfr

little anvil
mental root
little anvil
little anvil
#

💀

mental root
mental root
#

New meta frfr

mental root
#

Gum aint working for crap Im still hungry

mental root
#

Lowk

#

People who have eye-contact-ships are lucky

#

Furthest I go is her seeing my story

#

AND THAT MAKES ME HAPPY

#

She saw my story today

#

My breathing

#

Its gotten clearer

#

Like oh my

#

Bro

#

I should really do something instead of sitting on my butt

little anvil
mental root
#

So Im studying for the specialized exams

#

Anyways rant

#

I love my parents a lot

#

But God do I hate talking to my dad these days

#

No matter the topic, he always finds out a way to insult me

#

Talking about my childhood, he calls me slow
Talking about my crush, he calls me a coward

#

I've decided to just stop talking to him about stuff that makes me vulnerable

#

And my dad wonders why I was so silent around him back then

mental root
#

Lowk chat, I think I need to gain more balls to stand up for people

little anvil
mental root
mental root
#

I think I've finally moved on from my crush

#

Feels crappy

#

But I do feel like I was trying to stretch it even when I was losing feelings

#

Oh well

#

Not like I would've been with her if I continued liking her

#

Anyways

#

Grad pics

#

Censored for privacy reasons ofc

mental root
#

Lowk kinda heart broken

#

Cuz I cant even call it school anymore

#

I gotta call it Labsky now

#

Cuz it aint my school

#

💔

#

Man Im gonna miss this crap so much

#

I used to run from my house to Labsky every week

#

I used to belong there

#

As a student

#

Now if I run there

#

I wont belong there

little anvil
mental root
little anvil
#

well i still have 8 months to go

mental root
#

Lowk was goated

mental root
#

In 8 months Im already gonna be in college

#

And I'll be 18

mental root
#

1kg of french fries+beef burger+cheese sauce ig under 10 minutes

#

Got it for free

mental root
#

Almost vomit like 5 times

#

And I had to swallow through my gags

mental root
#

Yo is swearing allowed

#

Anyways

#

FUUUUUUCK I STILL LKKE HER SO MUCH

#

AND FUUUUUCK HOW COULD I NOT HAVE THE BALLS WHEN IM GETTING THE BEST SUPPORTS IN THE GAME

#

FUUUUUCK

#

AHHHHHHHH

#

Only hope

#

Is somehow

#

God

#

Decides to be oh so merciful and kind

#

And place us in the same university

#

I PROMISE YOU

#

NEXT TIME I SEE HER

#

NO MATTER WHERE IT IS

#

IMMA DO WHAT I WAS GONNA DO

mental root
#

I DONT WANNA MOVE ON THO

#

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK THATS EVEN WORSE

#

Yo lowk tho

#

Explanations:

  1. They had wagyu (most def not A5 but idc its still beef) and other meats so I chimped out and took like 10 spoonfuls
  2. I went to the toilet for a bit just to return to my school having a sentimental moment
#

Lowk tho

#

Even though my current crush is the longest

#

And I cant move on

#

It isnt the most painful

#

Especially since I barely know her

little anvil
little anvil
little anvil
mental root
little anvil
mental root
# little anvil fr twin?

I'll cut up one of my jackets for everytime I dont (until I do) (is this just an excuse to start making new items using my jackets?)

mental root
little anvil
little anvil
mental root
mental root
#

👅

#

That's a secret for later

#

Anyways

#

I PASSED THE NATIONAL ENTRANCE EXAMS

#

Im now in the 5th best university

#

Taking med school

#

👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅

little anvil
#

still a W

mental root
#

....

#

Fr

#

Lowk

#

Im retiring as soon as I get lots of mula

little anvil
#

all this is study isnt to help humanity bro im tryna make a bag and dip

mental root
mental root
#

I mean Im gonna use my bag to help people

#

But like

#

I really want that mula

little anvil
mental root
#

So I got to know this girl

#

Cuz there was this dude who was lowk planning on her downfall

#

So yknow I snitch to her (I know know but lowk got concerning so i had to cmon)

#

And bla controversy finished phew nobody injured

#

Then I upload a few statuses and she likes then responds then I respond and shes like dead dry

#

THIS GOT ME FEELING LIKE A TWITTER POST

#

Like dont get me wrong Ion like her that way or anything

#

BUT BRO DO YOU WANNA TALK OR NOT

#

Nah but she highk goated tho

#

Yearbook pic

#

Maybe

#

Idk my other pics are ahh

#

Too

#

But the only difference is

#

The others are unironically ahh

mental root
#

Like imagine you had to choose between an intentionally ahh pic and a pic where you tried to go hard but it ended up looking ahh anyways

#

Ofc you'd pick the first

#

I think Im gonna join Robins "talk to themselves" club

mental root
#

I guess you just gotta accept the way some people act

#

DID I GET SNITCHED ON?

#

Wait what is there to snitch on me

#

Crap my old best friend is also her best friend from her old school

#

Theres so much to snitch on

#

Im so cooked

#

FYM THX

#

THEN I ASKED WHY

#

AND BRO SAID THX AGAIN

#

THEN LIKED MY STATUS

#

BRO AM I GETTING DOXXED

#

If I do go know I went with a half full stomach

#

IS SHE READING THIS JOURNAL

#

SUP DUDE

#

YOU'RE GOATED

#

BUT DONT ASK THAT PERSON ABOUT ME

#

THE PERSON FROM BACK THEN IS WAY DIFFERENT FROM MY CURRENT SELF

#

Im turning skiz9

#

IS SHE TRYING TO MAKE ME SKIZO

#

Holy ayanokoji

#

Aight the thx chain stopped

#

Should I respond with thx back

#

Hmmm

#

People are so weird bro Im done with this

#

Im just gonna say salad

#

Thats enough talking for today Im gonna go play a friendslop game with my homies

#

Look at my homie

#

Straight answer

#

Mm no thx

#

OH CRAP ITS EXAM SEASON

little anvil
#

lowk just watched spider noir bro why is it so corny

mental root
#

Bro its a nicholas cage movie

#

Ofc its corny

mental root
#

I was thinking

#

Like

#

Yo that person

#

I aint ever been treated like this, sure I've had people not like me ofc but they didnt show such behavior

#

Then I was like

#

Damn shes different from other girls

#

And its like

#

YO ITS THE TROPE

#

Im not like the other girls

#

Highk fire

#

But I aint into her anyways thankfully

#

#loyaltothatonecrushI'velikedformorethanayearandshenowgoestoadifferentuniversityandsheswayoutofmyleague

#

Also

#

Holy crap why does everybody have a twin here

#

Genuinely

#

My neighbors daughters

#

Look like my friends