a journal of my life

[zinc urchin]

behind you

[manic jackal]

who when

[zinc urchin]

when we die

XD

um

i dont remember game

but i remember

[manic jackal]

im confused

[zinc urchin]

you trying to keeping me alive

[manic jackal]

wise words girl

[zinc urchin]

in fortnjte

[manic jackal]

OH YEAH

we both still died

rip

[zinc urchin]

😔😔

[manic jackal]

we won in my mind

[zinc urchin]

rest in peace soph and nadia 2025

[manic jackal]

for real

[zinc urchin]

REAL

[manic jackal]

january 30th (BILLIE REFRENCE) 2025

[zinc urchin]

you have video where im singing the 30th

😝

[manic jackal]

beloved sister, teammate, hockey player, hockey coach, daughter, grand daughter, classmate, friend, best friend and partner

[manic jackal]

DO IT

OH IS THAT THE ONE ON SNAP

[zinc urchin]

YOU HAVE

YEP

[manic jackal]

OHHH

I STILL HAVE TO WATCH THAT ONE

OMG NADIA

WE MADE IT TO 1300

13000

WE ATE

[zinc urchin]

WHAT

13000?

WHAT

[manic jackal]

YES

HAHAHA

THIS JOURNAL HAS BEEN HERE FOR A YEAR GIRL

[zinc urchin]

AAAA

YAAAAAAAYYY

rn i can hear how terrible i singing

😔✋

[manic jackal]

nahh you sing like beyonce

[zinc urchin]

girl-

😭

[manic jackal]

[zinc urchin]

you can hear more billie

than me

XD

[manic jackal]

vibe

[wooden oxide]

this was such a funny conversation

[manic jackal]

For realsies

[manic jackal]

👉👈

Whoops

To be fair il be having plenty for tour

And I don't regret this purchase

I use these everyday so basically it's like

700÷19

Cuz il use em everyday for atleast 2 uears

19÷700

That's not even a cent a day

[wooden oxide]

oo cooll!! they are rlly pretty

and give lesbian vibes

[manic jackal]

Whoopsies😝

[manic jackal]

YESS

[wooden oxide]

i love people who give lesbian vibes

they are always the nicest people

[manic jackal]

And I'm glad I thought quick because they're sold out

[wooden oxide]

yess that would be so sad if you couldnt get them

[manic jackal]

BHAHAHA THE FIRST THING SOMEONE SAID KNCE WAS 'you give me lesbian vibes' like oh thanks🤭

[manic jackal]

Omg ikr

[wooden oxide]

NO BC LIKE YES, LIKE ITS A COMPLIMENT

[manic jackal]

YES I ALWAYS SEE IT AS ONE HAHA

I love it when people say that

[wooden oxide]

me tooo!

also im so obsessed when some songs rn, not even funny

[manic jackal]

Tell me about the songsss

[wooden oxide]

atm its finneas from optimist

but last month it was sofia isella all month

[manic jackal]

You're so real for this

[manic jackal]

OMG YES

[wooden oxide]

EUGH I LOVE HER

[manic jackal]

I like to think I influenced you

[manic jackal]

SAME

[wooden oxide]

so you sort of did, i always used to listen to her but when you also started talking abt her it reminded me of her music and how much i love it and then i just started repeat listening it

[manic jackal]

I'm a good influencer💅

The conversation in #venting-3 is taking me out

Nvm someone took it too serious😔

They're right tho but still😔

[wooden oxide]

which one

[manic jackal]

About Jesus christ😭

[wooden oxide]

OHH that one

[manic jackal]

Yess

[manic jackal]

i told nads i was going to sleep like nearly half an hour ago

i hope youre sleeping well love

(please dont kill me im sorry i blame the uhm light in my room)

imma sleep now

nvm tiktok got me

[zinc urchin]

angry cat gif

[manic jackal]

😔

[zinc urchin]

😝

[lyric granite]

yoooooo

@manic jackal

[manic jackal]

Heyy

[lyric granite]

im back

hru?

[manic jackal]

I'm good! Wbu?

[lyric granite]

hmmm

preeetyyyy good

[manic jackal]

Glad to hearr

[lyric granite]

so

watchu up to

[manic jackal]

Nothing much to be honest, wbu?

[lyric granite]

talkin to a girl

[manic jackal]

Oehhhh

Tell me more

[lyric granite]

well

we are friends for like

a couple months

and to say she's perfect is an understatement

[manic jackal]

Just friends huh, I've heard that before

[lyric granite]

it aint like that

[manic jackal]

Mhmmm

Just saying

[lyric granite]

ill prove it

[manic jackal]

Prove it.

[lyric granite]

by the end of the week

i will.

[manic jackal]

I lowkey hope you will ask her to be your gf then but hey

We will see😝

[wooden oxide]

@manic jackal how are youu?:)

[gloomy forge]

13k messages is diabolical but I love it

[manic jackal]

I'm good, what about you?

[manic jackal]

To be fair its been up for a year haha

[manic jackal]

not me waiting till the red carpet of the grammys, then i will sleep once billie was on

and then i will be sleeping till 2 am to watch the ceremony

real fan girl moment yall

[manic jackal]

my goal was to sleep atleats 4 hours

i cant

i might get 3 with luck

[manic jackal]

omg

the red carpet

billie her outfit

is nearly revealed

i just saw the snippits a few min ago

and i just started sobbing

if anyone is judging me

idc judge me

its 12 am im running on too little sleep

fuck i have a test tomorrow......

I FORGOT

OMG

[manic jackal]

i fear that i wont sleep tonight....

the sacrifices are to be made

when you're an updates for THREE SERVERS so you have insta and tiktok opne

plus a live stream that i have to moderate in

(10 k members)

yall

sos

i also understand how the mods in this server feel

but like how tf do they do that

(they have a bigger and more active team)

like bro i have to keep track of one channel and thats already nuts, imagine 15 active channels

i can lowkey sleep for an hour

thats an hour

and then

5

6

7

8

3

more hours

so i still get 4 hours

thats better then nothing

but will i really go to sleep for 1 hour just to wake up after 1?!

also my gf is asleep

im lownely

(i told her to sleep cuz shes sick)

but like still

rip me

i just know that the adridilian

adrilian

that thing

when you play sports

that that will make me super awake again

[manic jackal]

OMGGG

[manic jackal]

she lost aoty

HOW

HOW DID SHORT AND SWEET WIN

WHAT!?

WHAT

HOW

NO

HOW

TF

RIGGED AHHH GAME

NVM

SHE LOST

BEST POP VOCAL ALBUM

SHORT AND SWEET WON THAT

WTF

HAVE THEY LISTEND TO THE ALBUM

LIKE LOVE THE MUSIC

BUT BEST VOCALS?!

I DONT THINK SO

[manic jackal]

CHAPPEL

ROAN

WON

BEST

NEW

ARTIST

YEEYEYEYEYEYYEYE

[manic jackal]

billie hasnt won anything

....

we have 1 left

an all nighter

for nothing

idk if i should slep those 2 hours or not

''Two hours of sleep, while not ideal, have been shown to improve cognitive function and alertness compared to pulling an all-nighter. Studies have found that individuals who slept for 2 hours performed better on tasks that require attention, concentration, and memory recall.''

okey so im getting those 2 hours

she didnt win anything

im acutally bawling my eyes out

[wooden oxide]

NO I SAW

WHEN I SAW

I STARTED CRYING

[manic jackal]

i am litarly sobbing

billie is also sobbing and that made me sob harder

seeing this by the person who has saved me is what really took me to be honest, she has put so much effort into this album and she doesnt get her credit. i am happy for the ones that did get the prizes but billie def deserved one

i feel like a dramma queen ngl but idk it really hurts

[manic jackal]

Bro I naped for 2 hours and omg I'm so nauseous

I am so cold and nauseous

My body hates me

But it's okey

First thing j did when i wake up? I started crying 💀

[wooden oxide]

awh no whyy?

[manic jackal]

Still High in my emotions+the lack of sleep haha

[wooden oxide]

any better now?

[manic jackal]

Yeah:) thanks for asking

[manic jackal]

Bro my mom asked my dad like 'do you know if sophie walked on her toes?' (She asked this because I told her that children with neurodivergent brain likely walked on their toes) and he just went into defensive mode and was like.

Well that's just stupid that that's that and I can't imagine that that's the truth etc etc etc. But yeah I don't like the cages'

Omg bro just accept that I might be autistic and that these things can be conected. Yes they might be something else and might be nothing. But stop being so defensive when we talk about me or my sister maybe having a neurodivergent brain

[lyric granite]

@manic jackal

how

are

you

???

[manic jackal]

hey could be doing better wbu??

[manic jackal]

when someone said they wouldnt go to sleep and 2 minutes later they dont awnser me

*cough cough @zinc urchin *

(love you tho )

she litarly went ''i wont sleep i promise 100%'' and like 2 minutes later she went ofline😭

that cracked me up

[lyric granite]

im great

[zinc urchin]

IM SORRY

[zinc urchin]

…..😔😔

[zinc urchin]

I love you too

guys, I was really tired and I wanted to wait for soph so that we could go to bed at the same time

i dont remember when i fall asleep

[manic jackal]

OTS OKEY DONT WORRY IM GLAD YOU GOT YOUR SLEEP IN

[zinc urchin]

[manic jackal]

It's okeyyyy❤️

[manic jackal]

Glad to hear!

[manic jackal]

Omg

MY NEWEST FRAGRANCE “YOUR TURN” AVAILABLE EXCLUSIVELY AT billieeilishfragrances.com TOMORROW 9AM PT 🎲🎲

I won't but it

BHT OMG

[zinc urchin]

this photo omfg

🛐🛐

[manic jackal]

I don't want to go to school😔

[manic jackal]

have been feeling shitty

but also just soo little energy its crazy, its nearly depression again its scary but yk

ngl relapsing has been on my mind

but wont do it:)

but still

it sucksssssssssssssss

[cosmic river]

i havent been here in so long

[manic jackal]

Help the first thing that popped in my mind about you is that you were (are) a booster😭🙏

[cosmic river]

oh what 😭

[manic jackal]

Idk why I think you had the black role back then

[cosmic river]

i did!

[manic jackal]

See omg

[cosmic river]

good memory :>

[manic jackal]

Crazy that I even remember this considering I can't remember my dinner from yesterday💀

[manic jackal]

Guess you where just that active

[cosmic river]

mhm

how you been?

[manic jackal]

I've been better:) what about you?

[cosmic river]

same, trying to get my shit together

glad to hear from ya

[manic jackal]

Fajr enough

[manic jackal]

Yeah same for you!

[manic jackal]

When Playstation has an network error so I can't play with my gf so I watch her play by her stream😝

[leaden leaf]

It was down for me for like 11 hours💀

[manic jackal]

They solved it?!

Omg finally

I was tweaking ngl

[leaden leaf]

I think it’s down again

[manic jackal]

Jees😭

[leaden leaf]

It’s down again

[manic jackal]

Omg crazy

[leaden leaf]

I’m actually gonna throw this shit out the fucking window

[manic jackal]

If it isn't solved tomorrow imma crash out

(I'm not addicted to fortnite just to my gf don't worry yall🫡)

[manic jackal]

REAL OMG

[zinc urchin]

[manic jackal]

🏳️‍🌈

[zinc urchin]

[zinc urchin]

🪞

[manic jackal]

Billie refrence?

(iykyk)

[zinc urchin]

guys I cant explain how much I feel special when she is seriously watching this

[manic jackal]

i watched it all

i lowkey still enjoyed it normally i dont like it but just knowing that you were playing made it fun

[zinc urchin]

thats my girl

[manic jackal]

[zinc urchin]

[leaden leaf]

Mine is now working

[manic jackal]

yeah i think it started working around 10ish

[manic jackal]

i got called a perv

aperantly im not a girl

bu a 36 year old dude

i miss my boost bro

i wanted to send a sticker saying

''men.''

rip to my nitro😔

[zinc urchin]

i need that sticker

[manic jackal]

BHAHAHA

[zinc urchin]

IM POOR TO BUY YOU

[manic jackal]

its from this random server

[manic jackal]

IM ALSO TOO POOR TO BUY MYSELF

[zinc urchin]

THIS?

[manic jackal]

noooo

from another server

[zinc urchin]

oops

sorry

[manic jackal]

BHAHAHHA

i like you imma follow you home

[zinc urchin]

[manic jackal]

bro staff team died

rip

[zinc urchin]

head moderator is actice

[manic jackal]

(no shade i know it sucks to be in the staff team in this server)

[zinc urchin]

active

[manic jackal]

yes river shes also a billie fan

[zinc urchin]

OOOOOO

[manic jackal]

but theyre not responding

[zinc urchin]

[manic jackal]

istg they call me a perv again i will loose my mind

[zinc urchin]

i really want to join this conversation but idk how

[manic jackal]

you are in the conversation arent ya

[zinc urchin]

ig

[manic jackal]

[zinc urchin]

im only reafing

reading

[manic jackal]

and now youer talking hihi

[zinc urchin]

oh

facts

hey sophie

[manic jackal]

see

[manic jackal]

hey nadia

[zinc urchin]

hey soph

[manic jackal]

hey nads

i think i kinda like you

[zinc urchin]

👉👈

[manic jackal]

yk i dont remember how tf i knew that you really liked me

[zinc urchin]

i think i kinda like you too

[manic jackal]

like we just flirted

and boom

i knew you liked me fr

[manic jackal]

really?

[zinc urchin]

yes love

[manic jackal]

you arent saying this to please me

[zinc urchin]

I love you when we are start being wives

[manic jackal]

or because you feel forced to

[manic jackal]

help you fr?! i didnt knew about you before then

[zinc urchin]

[manic jackal]

i think i really liked you like a week after or so

[zinc urchin]

crazy

[manic jackal]

idk it all happend fast

[zinc urchin]

realll

[manic jackal]

i talked with so many people in ava server that i dont know everyone i talk to

[zinc urchin]

HAHHA

i dont remember how we become a wives

like

yk

maddy

you

and dont remember

how

and when

[manic jackal]

well it was you being freaky me and maddy joining and then we became freaky together

then we became wives

and then we have us

[zinc urchin]

cute history

im crying

[manic jackal]

and maddy and ria

[manic jackal]

why

[zinc urchin]

from happiness

this history

makes my cry

so cute

[manic jackal]

awhhh dont cryy

[zinc urchin]

we are just being freaky

…

and now..

[manic jackal]

i wanted to spill the valentines day plan but then i rememberd that you were here

[zinc urchin]

HAHAHAHA

im blind

[manic jackal]

for real, it started with us having the first serioud conversation

[manic jackal]

nah ah

[zinc urchin]

you can type

really

ik blind

[manic jackal]

nah

[zinc urchin]

pwease

[manic jackal]

||okey so basically me and maja will just YOU THOUGT ||

[manic jackal]

okey ive send it

[zinc urchin]

thats not funny.

[manic jackal]

BHAHAHAHA

[manic jackal]

we both know you giggled

[zinc urchin]

HOW DID YOU

UM

IM LOOKING FOR

CAMERAS

WAIT

[manic jackal]

i know you too well

[zinc urchin]

I DONT KNOW YOU TOO WELL

[manic jackal]

HAHAHA

[zinc urchin]

YOU ARE IMPOSTOR

thats u

btw

I love you❤️

my name is

situationship

soph disappeared

NOOOO

[manic jackal]

IM BACK I HAD TO POST SOMETHING

[manic jackal]

i love you moreeee

[zinc urchin]

I would also like to keep such a journal, but I feel it would be impossible

[manic jackal]

real

it took a lot for me to post her reguler

and i still dont post for days

[zinc urchin]

hahahaha

i can see that

also my life is too boring to post smth abt thus

[manic jackal]

i also thought this dw

[zinc urchin]

hey guys today im in school, after school im going to study and texting with soph and after that I play fortnite to 10pm and im going take a shower and sleep at 3am

yeah

this is what it would look like

[manic jackal]

real

[zinc urchin]

emphasizing that I'm not learning, I'm just texting with you

[manic jackal]

girl

imma ban you from texting me when you say youre going to study

[zinc urchin]

NI

NO

NOOOOO

NO

PLEASE

GIRL

NO

[manic jackal]

yes

[zinc urchin]

nuh uh

girl i dont want to study abt hotel room

thats too obvious

[manic jackal]

well too bad

[manic jackal]

omg someone in a server i mod for is someone pretty much planing on ||suicide|| maybe even happend we dont know were freaking out

its giving flashbacked and i hate it

all the text channels are getting delted rn

im scared

and im honestly on the veryge of a panick attack

the flashbacks are feeling real atm it just all sucks

[manic jackal]

this really sucks

my brain just basically went into flight mode

dont feel much and i cant bring myself to fake it

great just great

[zinc urchin]

soph you want talk about it?

@manic jackal

[manic jackal]

its fine dw

[zinc urchin]

you sure?

[manic jackal]

ye

[zinc urchin]

alright..

[manic jackal]

its wierd to think that il be dealing with stuff like this about montly later because of police stuff, then il be able to really do something tho

[zinc urchin]

the job of a policeman is not easy

;((

[manic jackal]

yeah, but also just it gives back so its worth it

[zinc urchin]

thats true

[manic jackal]

listening to s specific song with specific memmories hits different

[manic jackal]

Lil update the mod is probably okey

[manic jackal]

Feeling yourself slipping away is scary, it's crazy. I thought that I was getting better definitely not all the way but yk, but now I'm just having a massive set back, it sucks but il get through

[lyric granite]

@manic jackal u complain alot abt nitro

also can u check dm's

[manic jackal]

Talking about scary

I don't have a dm

[lyric granite]

scary??

[manic jackal]

Yes I miss it😔💔

[lyric granite]

ok i worded myself wrong

[manic jackal]

Yes

MY WIFI SUCKS

[lyric granite]

i have a nitro that no one wants

[manic jackal]

🤨

How come no one wants it

[lyric granite]

idk

do u want it

?

not in a weird way

i js have a spare nitro

[manic jackal]

I have the dm but my wifi sucks so il will probably respond around 3:30

In like 2 and a half hours

[lyric granite]

aight

also sry

[manic jackal]

Nah don't worry haha

I think my wifi is stable atm

But yeah if I just randomly disappear then it's da wifi

I won't have to complain about having no nitro yall

IM BACKKK

[zinc urchin]

NITRO GIRL

[manic jackal]

The sticker I meant

[lyric granite]

courtesy of bad financial decisions

[manic jackal]

😭🙏

I appreciate that bad financial decision

[ashen oracle]

I have plenty of stuff to yap about

I just dont log into discord enough to care to yap cause I have a life 👍

Which is

1. Fish with my friends for 6+ hours a day after completing my college work on monday
2. Make 1,500$ from DevExing robux each month (I sell virtual accessories)
3. repeat

[manic jackal]

Wow you're saying that I don't (I infact dont)

[manic jackal]

Nice

[lyric granite]

@manic jackal hru

[manic jackal]

I'm good! What about you?

[lyric granite]

uhh

doing studd

stuff

[manic jackal]

What kind of stuff haha

[lyric granite]

dealing w some trauma

but ill keep it outta here

[manic jackal]

Oh sorry to hear that, hope you get better soon

[manic jackal]

That's fine my dms are open tho:)

[manic jackal]

BRO

I JUST REALISED WHO RIVER IS?!

IVE TALKED TO HER/THEM BEFORE

WHAT?@

BRO

theyre like in most servers im in

when you lowkey want to ping but youre also scared to ping because theyre a mod

[manic jackal]

i just talked to billie haters

i was scared

but they were nice

but i was still scared

[lyric granite]

most mods dont rly care

[manic jackal]

But I don't want to bother😔

[lyric granite]

its discord

theyll js see it later but alr

[manic jackal]

Fair enough

[manic jackal]

@manic jackal my late realization moment

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/1246212092009119915/1335021845447184435/image0.gif

Me rn

[manic jackal]

😭🙏

[vestal hazel]

Read more here: #announcements message

**Announcement — New Journaling Channel!**

Dear member, we're happy to announce our new #1338240260987027568 channel. You can now create your own space to journal in.

This means that any journals in this forum will need to be migrated to that channel. For this, we have a deadline on <t:1739811600:F>. After that deadline, all journals in this forum will be locked but not deleted. You can still view them, but will have to continue writing by making a new journal in #1338240260987027568. You can read more about this change by clicking the link above.

Thank you.

@manic jackal

[manic jackal]

Bro what?!

Okey I'm powkey pissed about this?

Bro they couldve changed this channel

All the journals coukdve stayed intact

But no

💀🙏

I love yall but please don't do this cuz I will cey

Cry

I've put an suggestion

Like don't make me make another journal PLEAS3

https://discord.com/channels/662341325353385985/1339478453657010186

This is my backup

I'm sad that I even have to do this ngl, like please please please don't make me do this

[lyric granite]

13K msgs

plz stay 🙏

[manic jackal]

Go to my backup😔

[manic jackal]

Yall this is my new journal😔

[manic jackal]

Goodbye to my journal yall😔

[zinc urchin]

NOOOOOOOOO

[manic jackal]

Yes

[zinc urchin]

NOOOOO

[manic jackal]

YESSS

I'm nearly at the internship I'm shitting my pants

Imagine that that will be the last message

[zinc urchin]

XDDD

[zinc urchin]

NOOOO

[manic jackal]

YES

Wish me luck

I'm nauseous

That's how nervous I am

Omg

[zinc urchin]

WHAT TYPE OF INTERNSHIP

BTW

[manic jackal]

IDK THE NORMAL ONE?

It's like 2 days

[zinc urchin]

2 DAYSv

??

[manic jackal]

YES

Same time

[zinc urchin]

OH MY GOD

[manic jackal]

😔

[zinc urchin]

you have it today and….

[manic jackal]

GIRL BE HAPPY ITS NOT HALF A YEAR

[manic jackal]

Tomorrow

[zinc urchin]

I AM BUT

I WILL MISS YOI

[zinc urchin]

oh..

[manic jackal]

I WILL MISS YOU TOO

[zinc urchin]

😭

[zinc urchin]

PLEASE

OMG

[manic jackal]

Okey so I'm like there

Goodluck with school and fortnite alone love, I loveee you

❤️

[zinc urchin]

i have 2 week free

so dont school

hahah

[manic jackal]

......

[zinc urchin]

I love you too❤️

[manic jackal]

Okey well goodluck with doing nothing😔

[zinc urchin]

with playing fortnjte

hahah