#Taylors (old) journal

2314 messages · Page 3 of 3 (latest)

robust crypt
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WOO HOOOO 🥳🥳

craggy ether
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IM SO HAPPY I LOVE HER SM

craggy ether
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me and my gf have been friends since we were in 1st grade but now things are a little awkward 😭😭

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I'm scared of messing upppp

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I love her so much

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I'm trying not to be overly clingy and obsessive but I really wanna talk to her 💔

craggy ether
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I was gonna post this in anonymous but idc anymore

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I love my gf so much Im so obsessed with her we only started dating yesterday but I've best friends with her since we were in 1st grade. I really want to ||cut her initials into my skin|| but like I don't wanna seem crazy I wanna talk to her so bad but I don't wanna be clingy I miss her so muchh

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I knew she liked me for a little while before she actually told me bc she kept hinting at it and saying she was gonna ask me out on Valentine's Day and asking if I would date her but she seemed half joking so I was scared to say anything first

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I love her so much agghhh

craggy ether
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I saw my gf today

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I love her so muchhhh

craggy ether
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I was supposed to go to a friend's house today and my gf was gonna be there but I can't go anymore

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I have pink eye and my parents said I can't go ☹️

craggy ether
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I just realized my Girlfriends family is homophobic so I can't get her anything too romantic 💔

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even when we were just friends we flirted all the time even around her parents but it was always just seen as a joke but I can't get her flowers or anything like that

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I haven't told my parents yet even though they were supportive with my ex girlfriend because me and my ex were only 11 when we started dating so I don't think they worried that much about us having sleepovers or getting freaky

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I also never really hung out with my ex alone It was always me, her, and one or two more people

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me and my gf hang out alone a lot and I don't want them to not let me sleep over at her house

craggy ether
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I'm literally gonna crash out my stomach hurts every time I eat

fierce oyster
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Hey Taylor Merry Christmas

craggy ether
fierce oyster
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For Merry Christmas I wish you just a happy day in general

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No bad things today okay?

craggy ether
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today has been pretty good I got 2 new pillows, a bunch of clothes, and a new bed frame because right now I'm just sleeping on a mattress on the floor 😭😭

fierce oyster
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Bro where do you live? 😭

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Are you alright man? 😭

craggy ether
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yeah I moved bedrooms with my brother and there wasn't enough room for my old bed frame 😭😭

craggy ether
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I relate to these lyrics so much 🙏

Screenshot_20241225-221844.png
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I got candy today

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and new pillows 😋

craggy ether
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I slept over at my gf house last night and we watched the new sonic movie

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it's a new obsession

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it was such a good movie

craggy ether
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my gf got me a Christmas gift and it came with a mini perfume and it smells just like her

craggy ether
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I love my gf so muchhhh

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with my ex I couldn't see myself marrying her. I didn't wanna because our relationship had so many flaws I couldn't live with that but I actually wanna marry my gf

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I can imagine a future with my gf

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since me and my gf have been dating I've been more indecisive about ||killing myself||

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I only have like 4-5 days to figure out if I am

turbid narwhal
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Hey taylor

craggy ether
turbid narwhal
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Thats oke!!

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I saw not realy anyone talking to you so i thought id do it

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How are you doing

craggy ether
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I'm alright rn just tired because I was out all day with one of my friends 😭😭

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hbu?

turbid narwhal
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Im good

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New year

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Happy new year bdw

craggy ether
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happy new year!

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it's only 7:35pm for me rn so I still got a few hours

turbid narwhal
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Oh

craggy ether
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I'm pretty tired though I might take a nap

turbid narwhal
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Oh

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You should do that

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Sleep well

craggy ether
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it's officially 2025 where I live 🔥🔥

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I thought 2023 was bad but 2024 was so much worse

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hopefully 2025 will magically get better

turbid narwhal
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It will

craggy ether
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my parents hid the advil that I bought with my own money AGAIN

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they keep hiding it and then putting it back in the bathroom where it normally is and repeating it

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I'm gonna crash out

turbid narwhal
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Whats advil

craggy ether
craggy ether
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me and my brother tried pulling an all nighter but it's 5AM and I'm really tired so I told him to go back to his room and I was gonna sleep but he could keep trying if he wanted and we can just try again a different time

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I feel kinda bad

uneven juniper
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hi @craggy ether ! how are you?

craggy ether
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sorry I wasn't paying attention to my notifications today

uneven juniper
uneven juniper
craggy ether
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my brother's trying to pull an all nighter tonight but I was gonna ||KMS|| when everyone went to sleep and now idk what to do

uneven juniper
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please

fierce oyster
craggy ether
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I'm typing notes out rn I don't know if I should write them on actually paper so that way the people will only get it if it actually works or just text everyone when I finish the notes

uneven juniper
craggy ether
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my brother is still awake I'm gonna lose my mind

uneven juniper
craggy ether
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I don't know

uneven juniper
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im here dont worry

craggy ether
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my brother didn't go to sleep until like 6 in the morning so I didn't get to do it because by then my parents were already getting up

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tonight he should go to bed at a normal time because it's a school night

balmy mirage
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@craggy ether hey, how are you feeling?

fierce oyster
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I’m not sure tho

craggy ether
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Im actually not sure if it's gonna work because I've heard some people who said they tried what I'm gonna try just threw it up so idk

fierce oyster
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Well I pray it won’t work cause I want you here on earth

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Try telling your parents if they are loving.

valid walrus
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@craggy ether

balmy mirage
craggy ether
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yeah but I don't wanna just tell him that

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my parents might lie to him about it anyways idk

balmy mirage
craggy ether
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I do feel kinda bad about it but I'm just trying not to think about it

balmy mirage
craggy ether
craggy ether
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I'm pretty sure everyone in my house is asleep now

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I still got a write out notes

craggy ether
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I think I hear people awake

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I can't tell

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I typed out what I wanna say on all the notes and I just got to write it on paper now

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I finished writing my girlfriends note

craggy ether
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I wanna do it so bad

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I have a bunch of ibuprofen next to me rn

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even if I don't ||KMS|| tonight I won't be able to wear shorts sleeves for a while

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I think I'm gonna take a bunch of the pills and then message a hotline idk

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I think I'm gonna message the hotline

craggy ether
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I texted them I'm waiting for a reply now

mystic oracle
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you okay?

turbid narwhal
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Dont hurt yourself taylor

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There are hundreds of people that are ready to help you

craggy ether
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update from last night

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I got no sleep and had to go to school

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I texted a hotline and talked to someone named Alex for a while

balmy mirage
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how did the talk go?

craggy ether
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before I texted the hotline I ||sh|| on my arm and I'm already having a hard time hiding it from my family

balmy mirage
craggy ether
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I slept through most of math class

balmy mirage
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other than that, how do u feel tho?

craggy ether
balmy mirage
craggy ether
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no

lime sage
craggy ether
lime sage
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going out unarmed at like the middle of the night
sparring for 10 hours without taking a break

craggy ether
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I think I might actually try improving myself idk

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I really wanna ||self harm|| but I'm just gonna try and go to sleep

turbid narwhal
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Yeah improve!!! 💪💪💪

balmy mirage
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that great, try to keep it up😁🤞

craggy ether
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I accidentally rolled up my sleeve in front of my dad 😬

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I don't think he saw

turbid narwhal
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Dont sh

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Every time you want to

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Tell me

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Talk about why

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Think deeply

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Why?

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Does it help you

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Is it good for you

craggy ether
# turbid narwhal Does it help you

before Monday the last time I sh was in October and I felt like shit the whole time in between then and felt a little better this Tuesday

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it's probably not great for me

craggy ether
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My arm itches this is very obnoxious

lime sage
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||heroin referenced?||

turbid narwhal
craggy ether
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the other day my gf just made me realize our first date was seeing the sonic 3 movie

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it was a fire movie though and we both had a great time

turbid narwhal
craggy ether
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it drives me insane when people defend him because he was just "raised in a different time" like okay but he needs to learn how to act because he shouldn't be causing the whole drama program this much stress

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it was so stressful having to stand alone with him upstairs in the dark for hours with no quick way to communicate with anyone else

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he never did anything sexual but he always fully leaned on my back to talk to me and it made me so uncomfortable

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I always kept moving forward to get him off me but he kept leaning on me

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no one does anything because he's the directors dad

craggy ether
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I saw my gf today 😋

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I love her so much

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I wish we could tell more people without being called homophobic slurs

craggy ether
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saving a bunch of tiktoks before it gets banned

craggy ether
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why is ||sh|| so addicting

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like I know the technical reasons why but at the same time whyy

lime sage
craggy ether
lime sage
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tell da feds
thats harresment

craggy ether
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I actually want to scrape my skin off I'm so sick of this girl she won't leave me alone

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she keeps flirting with me and she's super touchy I've told her so many times to just stop and leave me alone but she doesn't

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today she kept leaning really close to my face and rubbing my thighs I kept removing her hands but she just kept doing it over and over

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I want to tell her that I have a girlfriend but she's gonna tell the whole school and me and my girlfriend don't want to get called homophobic slurs Everytime we walk in the hallways

craggy ether
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I feel like a horrible girlfriend because the girl keeps flirting and touching me all the time and I always tell her no or physical move her off me but she keeps doing it

craggy ether
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I'm gonna tell a counselor about it soon because the flirting and touching with that one girl has become a daily thing and it's stressing me out so much

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if they don't do anything about it I'll either just ||KMS|| or punch the girl

craggy ether
craggy ether
craggy ether
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just bought something off Amazon if my mom sees what's inside I'm so dead

craggy ether
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"drawing all over your arm like that is bad for you" Wait until you see my other arm

craggy ether
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okay so this song is actually so me

Screenshot_20250118-202908.png
craggy ether
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if she touches me again on Wednesday I'm either punching her or just ||killing myself||

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I can't not take it anymore

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every single time I see her she touches me or flirts with me

craggy ether
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God forbid a child has any emotions

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"I understand how you feel and.." No you don't you were popular all throughout school. you never got constantly bullied for liking girls, "oh just don't tell people then" Ive dated 2 different girls people are gonna find out dumbass.

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You never reported the same girl over and over to every adult you trust because she wouldn't stop touching and flirting with you and have people tell you it's because her mom died

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that doesn't give her a right to do any of that "yeah it does, losing a parent is traumatic" I'm genuinely gonna ||kill myself|| if she doesn't leave me alone

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my parents told me that just because her mom died it makes it "okay" for her to do that to me

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I've told my parents, my friends, the assistant principal, multiple school counselors, and no one has done anything about it

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next time she touches me I'm either punching her or just ||killing myself|| it's been 2 years and no one has figured out how to get her to stop

craggy ether
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I think all my friends are getting tired and a little annoyed with me constantly talking about how much it bothers me when she flirts and touches me but nobody actually takes it seriously

lime sage
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and ifn she hits back, leg kick her, im asumming ur 8th-9th grade, she prob cant take a leg kick, take her to the ground, and start some good old fasioned g&p

craggy ether
lime sage
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if she touches u first, its fair game
make sure her touching you is seen my cameras first

craggy ether
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I LOVE MY GF SO MUCH AHH

lime sage
craggy ether
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when the girl who's been SAing me for a while (I think it's SA I'm still kinda unsure) was harassing me the other day my gf was nearby and said "stop harassing my girlfriend" and the girl didn't know we were dating so she just looked and me and frowned and said "What about me!"

craggy ether
craggy ether
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MY GF CHANGED HER NAME IN AIRBUDS TO I KOVE MY GIRLFRIEND

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I LOVE HER SO MUCHHHHHH

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I MISS HER I HAVEN'T SEEN HER IN YEARSSS (it hasn't even been a week)

lime sage
lime sage
craggy ether
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I'm not gonna get to into this because I don't think I should really be talking much about politics here but arguing with my parents about politics is so annoying because they literally talk over me the whole time and when I make a good point about something bad someone did they just say "it was probably AI" or "it was just taken out of context"

craggy ether
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I hate being a girl bro I hate cramps

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my back hurts because I was laying in a really strange way to try and git rid of my cramps

lime sage
lime sage
craggy ether
lime sage
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nah i make a valid point, and shes like GO TO UR ROOM

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nah scientifimacly, ive seen someone will become more like unmoving on theire opinion the more facts you show them

craggy ether
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my parents drive me insane I literally can't express any emotions other than being happy without being laughed at

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"what problems do you even have?" and then I tell you and you just tell me you had it worse and defend the people harassing me and bullying me

lime sage
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fuck that sucks
im sorry

craggy ether
craggy ether
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I HATE the tiktok standards for a relationship

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"you gotta do something big to ask them to be your Valentine!" "my bf didn't do that for me 😪" "break up with him"

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not everyone can do big things like that

lime sage
lime sage
craggy ether
craggy ether
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I have a constant urge to just die

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Im considering ||killing myself tonight|| or this weekend idk

lime sage
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if u dont, ill give u a high five

lime sage
craggy ether
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someone from my school found my tiktok account that was supposed to be a secret

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my username for that account was literally "ilovemygirlfriend.f@g" (the @ was an a)

craggy ether
# lime sage if u do, ill kill u

I'm gonna try and convince my girlfriend into running away with me this spring/summer so I'll see how that goes and take it from there

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probably not killing myself this weekend!!

craggy ether
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how do I ask my girlfriend to run away with me this summer because I don't wanna pressure her into it but at the same time if she says no I might genuinely kill myself

lime sage
craggy ether
lime sage
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whats why u gotta spend time ooh

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or set up a tent in a forrest, fill a backpack with food, and go camping for a week

craggy ether
lime sage
craggy ether
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I might ask one of the counselors for help but i think she doesn't want to talk to me rn because I talk to her about random stuff too much but I genuinely just want to die

craggy ether
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I just got done playing Roblox with my girlfriend for 5 hours

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i love her so much

craggy ether
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I might kill myself tonight

craggy ether
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gonna use the bathroom, wait a bit to make sure my parents don't wake up, and then just take a bunch of Tylenol and hope I don't wake up

craggy ether
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update I only took 5 pills and then texted 988 and I'm about to go to sleep before school in the morning

lime sage
lime sage
craggy ether
craggy ether
onyx walrus
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halo

craggy ether
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okay so I went home early from school today because I was light headed, my stomach hurt, and my heart was racing so bad

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I literally was leaning against my bus seat in the morning and then I sat up straight and my heart rate went from 80s to 120s- 130s

craggy ether
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My parents said they're gonna take away my phone at night because I was up till 5AM last night and had to wake up for school

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so if they do that they're gonna wake up to a dead daughter because I completely think that if I didn't text 988 last night I would've taken a bunch more pills

craggy ether
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I keep seeing cute tank tops online but I forget I can't really wear shorts sleeves for a while because I just have a bunch of scars on my arm now

craggy ether
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I slept over at my girlfriends house last night

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I had to leave early this morning because she woke up sick 😔

craggy ether
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so I might go talk to a counselor Tomorrow and tell her about how bad my mental health is

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if she's not there Tomorrow I'm giving up on trying to tell people and just ||killing myself||

lime sage
craggy ether
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I think I'm actually gonna kms tonight and not just take 5 stupid pills and text a hotline

craggy ether
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might do it Tomorrow night or something idk yet

craggy ether
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alright so I just found a ||blade|| in my bed????

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it had a cover on the sharp part but I'm mad confused where it came from I swear I put it away last time

craggy ether
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probably doing it Tomorrow night because I'm talking to 2 friends rn because one friend is upset about something that happened at her house that she can't share but she's really upset and my other friend is just sending me a bunch of Instagram reels 😭

craggy ether
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okay so maybe not tonight

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I think I'm gonna try and wait until after Valentine's Day because I really want to spend it with my girlfriend

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its only 2 weeks away I can probably do that I think

craggy ether
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this is so unbelievably real

SPOILER_Screenshot_20250201-215224.png
craggy ether
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I'm really trying to not kms for my girlfriend I wanna at least make it till Valentine's Day so I can do something for her but I'm so tired I just want to die

craggy ether
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I try way too hard to be involved in conversations I actually hate Myself

craggy ether
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should I run away as soon as it starts getting warmer out or just kms

craggy ether
craggy ether
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||shtwt|| is something else 😟

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I keep buying new ||blades|| and none of them are sharp enough for what I need 💔

craggy ether
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Going down the ||shtwt|| rabbit hole

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I don't recommend it for anyone but I high-key don't wanna get better rn so 🔥

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giving up on getting better lmao

craggy ether
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My dad was looking around my room for an old book I had that my brother wants to read and I almost had a heart attack thinking he was gonna find my ||blades||

craggy ether
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every once and a while I just have an episode and I just try to starve myself and it always goes away after like a week and it's so frustrating

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having one of those episodes rn I want it to actually last istg

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I don't think I have money for my school lunch account tomorrow so I might just skip lunch

craggy ether
craggy ether
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I keep having mood swings, like one hour I'll be planning to ||kill myself|| that night and the next I'll have a insane amount of energy and feel great, and then either tired or back to wanting to ||kill myself.|| the energetic "episodes" only last for a few hours at most before something triggers me back into being tired or sad.

I also keep having "episodes" every few months and I just don't want to eat, I'm convinced I'm ||fat|| and want to ||starve|| myself until I lose weight, it usually only lasts a few days before I'm back to eating like I normally do

Also when I'm with my friends Im usually full of energy like when I'm in an energetic episode. like during school I'm physically tired but also energetic at the same time, I'm talking to my friends the whole time and stuff but then if they call me annoying I kinda switch and get upset. or if I have a club after school and I'm energetic for too long I switch and just don't talk and sit/lay down most of the time.

I don't know how long the mood swings have been going on I first noticed it a few days ago when I had a lot of energy and I realized I was likely just going to flop later and be exhausted and depressed (and I did) but the eating episodes have been going on for a few months

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I copy and pasted that message from a different server

craggy ether
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if the ||blades|| I ordered aren't as sharp as people say I'm gonna crash out

turbid narwhal
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Hey

serene root
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Is there any way I can help…

finite monolith
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If you can identify one, you can break it.

craggy ether
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I just got a text message from a Group chat and one of my friends sent a screenshot of a message of a different friend saying "I relapsed" and now the friend isn't replying to anyone

craggy ether
finite monolith
craggy ether
craggy ether
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I saw a tiktok about beans and it reminded me of when my 2nd grade teacher brought in a pot of beans and gave the whole class beans

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I don't remember if there was context but all I remember is my him giving us beans 🔥

craggy ether
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my Amazon package came today and my mom took my monster energy drink but didn't find the ||blades|| 😛

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still kinda sad about the monster I was gonna share it with my gf on Valentine's Day 💔

finite monolith
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You can get monster in a convenience store, no?

robust crypt
craggy ether
craggy ether
grave briarBOT
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Read more here: #announcements message

**Announcement — New Journaling Channel!**

Dear member, we're happy to announce our new #1338240260987027568 channel. You can now create your own space to journal in.

This means that any journals in this forum will need to be migrated to that channel. For this, we have a deadline on <t:1739811600:F>. After that deadline, all journals in this forum will be locked but not deleted. You can still view them, but will have to continue writing by making a new journal in #1338240260987027568. You can read more about this change by clicking the link above.

Thank you.

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@craggy ether

craggy ether
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#1177111901247914034

craggy ether
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Taylors (old) journal