abstract merlin May 29, 2024, 8:24 PM

#

changing the subject

#

kitty

#

omg.

#

here’s a speed draw of the gub

#

art improvement

#

raaaaah

abstract merlin May 29, 2024, 9:16 PM

#

only face book meme that made me laugh

abstract merlin May 29, 2024, 9:47 PM

#

the microsoft gc and the other gc are the best

#

it’s easy

#

it’s just

#

hold on

#

#

#

#

#

i miss the gc

#

they’re inactive im too scared to say anything

#

sigh

#

they’re active again 😼

abstract merlin May 29, 2024, 10:45 PM

#

ok

abstract merlin May 30, 2024, 1:38 AM

#

kitty from earlier

abstract merlin May 30, 2024, 2:06 AM

#

don’t make ur sketch ur line art

#

uh

#

idk how to explain

#

i feel amazing rn

#

uh

#

sketch layer

#

u need one of those u need to SKETCH first

#

its like practicwe

#

basically do what u did for outline but INSTEAD create a seperate layer and try not to draw the inside lines

#

just trace

abstract merlin May 30, 2024, 3:01 AM

#

sigh

#

i miss him too

#

i dont know if i want to try again

#

i dont know how i feel

#

i dont think i can try again

#

i need to think about what to do

#

i need to stop caring so much

#

about how other people think

#

i was a terrible person holy shit

#

i dont know what to do

#

im gonna take a break from looking

#

im gonna play the finals to get my mind off it

#

WAIT

#

WAITWIAITIT

#

IM HAPPY NOW

#

MY FRIEND GROUP SAID WE COULD PLAY GORILLA TAG TOMMOROW

#

i love that sticker

#

still gonna play the finals tho might rage a bit 😼

#

mood swings are bothering me but its fine

#

i feel a bit confident

#

the gcs passed out rn they live across the world sigh

#

im gonna think for a bit

#

8 more days until disney ☺️

#

this map is ass

#

idc what u say its terrible

#

me

#

we lost that game

#

sigh

#

im pissed all of the sudden fuck mood swins

#

ion know what to say any more

abstract merlin May 30, 2024, 4:30 AM

#

looking back in this journal hurts

abstract merlin May 30, 2024, 4:49 AM

#

im fucking wheezing

#

#

#

OMG

#

abstract merlin May 30, 2024, 5:11 AM

#

WHY DO I STILL HAVE JEALOUSY HELP

#

sigh

#

ignore it

abstract merlin May 30, 2024, 5:37 AM

#

i got over it

#

yippie!

#

im happy because of the gc reminding me of use playing tommorow

#

us

#

fuck

#

real

#

the womp womp made me laugh 😭

#

i also see you reading this

#

thumbs_cat

#

ha

#

idk

#

anyways i thought this looked pretty ig

VRChat_2024-05-30_01-47-51.052_7680x4320.png

#

i do too sigh.

#

vrchat photo dumps cause yes

VRChat_2024-05-30_00-52-54.410_7680x4320.png

VRChat_2024-05-30_01-00-57.768_7680x4320.png

VRChat_2024-05-30_01-18-30.592_7680x4320.png

#

now im overthinking but i shouldnt care

#

the fuck is happeneing to me

#

TIME TO IGNORE IT AND BLAST MY EAR DRUMS TO HEARTACHES!

#

i have literally been distracting myself all day my closest friend hasnt been on

#

i miss her chat

#

only a matter of time before i get replaced

#

im probably just tired

#

it is late

#

even if he does replace me easily its gonna be alright

#

forehead

VRChat_2024-02-07_17-40-46.111_1920x1080.png

VRChat_2024-02-07_17-33-14.172_1920x1080.png

#

ugh i want to be held

#

its alright ill get over it

#

super sigma ultra deluxe stone cold face activated!

#

omg my friend says soemtimes "im stone cold steveoston serious rn"

#

idk how to spell it

#

i have literally been doing nothing but listent o music in vrchat for 1 hours

#

hopping off my pc im tired

#

i am back

#

i look forward to tomorrow

abstract merlin May 30, 2024, 6:24 AM

#

he isn’t leaving my mind

#

rn i feel heart broken but eh

#

i need to relapse it’s getting way to hard

#

but i can’t i promised people i wouldn’t

#

ugh

#

i need to figure out how to stop caring

#

i want to hurt people rn

#

i feel disgusting being in this body that caused so much pain and broken bones

#

maybe i should stop looking at his journal

#

maybe i should just

#

ignore it

#

fuck it’s getting harder to focus

#

for ur info im matching with spooky

#

or liam

#

and he’s gay and taken

#

so

#

here’s the proof ig

#

here’s the full drawing

#

there you go

#

we kin n and uzi

#

and we both thought it would be cool to match

#

so before you accuse me again there you go

#

cool..

#

anyway

#

i’m tired

#

mentally and physically

#

i have a slight headache

#

im extremely proud of this

#

imma try to make another

abstract merlin May 30, 2024, 7:08 AM

#

here’s what it looks like

hollow saddle May 30, 2024, 7:09 AM

#

looks good so far

abstract merlin May 30, 2024, 7:09 AM

#

thank you!

hollow saddle May 30, 2024, 7:09 AM

#

no prollem! :D

abstract merlin May 30, 2024, 7:14 AM

#

#

scratching it for today

#

meow

#

#

im actually so proud of it holy

hollow saddle May 30, 2024, 7:37 AM

#

what brush do you use btw?

#

im curious

abstract merlin May 30, 2024, 7:38 AM

#

i use felt tip pen for flat color then airbrush for shading

#

i usually use clip studio but i consider these doodles

hollow saddle May 30, 2024, 7:39 AM

#

abstract merlin i usually use clip studio but i consider these doodles

alr, ty!!

abstract merlin May 30, 2024, 7:39 AM

#

yw!

#

these one btw

hollow saddle May 30, 2024, 7:40 AM

#

alr

#

looks great btw :]

abstract merlin May 30, 2024, 7:41 AM

#

tysm!

#

abstract merlin May 30, 2024, 8:32 AM

#

the memories are back sigh

#

just ignore them

abstract merlin May 30, 2024, 8:51 AM

#

im gonna try to sleep now

#

im drained and emotionless

#

tomorrow is gonna be good tho

abstract merlin May 30, 2024, 3:39 PM

#

powers gonna be out until tuesday

#

nvm gigi is helping

#

other than that my day has been pretty great

#

hopefully it’ll stay that way

#

i love something stupid by frank sinarta

abstract merlin May 30, 2024, 4:22 PM

#

the friend group wants to play vrchat

abstract merlin May 30, 2024, 6:03 PM

#

sigh

#

they left

#

im tired of the stress

abstract merlin May 30, 2024, 6:36 PM

#

no you are NOT

abstract merlin May 30, 2024, 7:08 PM

#

im fucking tired stressing about him ruining my life

#

i want to be free

abstract merlin May 30, 2024, 7:38 PM

#

im happy rn

abstract merlin May 30, 2024, 8:22 PM

#

my friends are actually the best wtf 😭

abstract merlin May 31, 2024, 12:18 AM

#

im doing amazing rn

abstract merlin May 31, 2024, 12:43 AM

#

…i haven’t even did anything to you

#

im just trying to move on

#

sigh

#

im debating weather or not to just ignore his forum

abstract merlin May 31, 2024, 1:04 AM

#

#

he’s so cool

#

ok

abstract merlin May 31, 2024, 2:54 AM

#

debating weather to unadd him or not

#

ok

#

leave my journal pls

lavish gate May 31, 2024, 2:57 AM

#

ayo

abstract merlin May 31, 2024, 2:58 AM

#

sigh

#

ok

#

ok..?

#

thats actually fucking weird

lavish gate May 31, 2024, 2:59 AM

#

💀

abstract merlin May 31, 2024, 2:59 AM

#

😭

lavish gate May 31, 2024, 2:59 AM

#

lmfao

#

go take rest you seem high

abstract merlin May 31, 2024, 2:59 AM

#

nah

#

thanks tho

#

yet i still get accused of giving them a bad rep

little trailBOT May 31, 2024, 3:06 AM

#

dynoSuccess kethonly was banned. | Yuck

abstract merlin May 31, 2024, 3:06 AM

#

hi pearl 👋

#

no worries it wasnt your fault, thank you for banning them tho

#

what he dmed me was

#

funny

#

but im not gonna show for his privacy

#

womp fucking womp

#

pissed off rn

abstract merlin May 31, 2024, 3:58 AM

#

aiden joined be_teeheehappy

#

HI AIDEN

#

erm

#

changed my pfp too silly strong man

#

string

#

😼

abstract merlin May 31, 2024, 5:16 AM

#

dude im the worst gf ever

abstract merlin May 31, 2024, 5:39 AM

#

i upset him so bad

#

i fucked up so fucking bad

abstract merlin May 31, 2024, 6:25 AM

#

im genuinely mad at myself for this i know he doesn’t want me to be but i can’t help it

#

i don’t know what to do

#

these past couple of weeks have destroyed me

#

i don’t know anymore

#

just please don’t be upset at me

#

i can’t handle that right now

#

hearing him in pain and listening to him suffer is tearing me apart i want to just hug him

#

im so sorry for everything

#

i blocked my ex and i want to throw my phone i fucking hate him

#

i don’t know why i hate him so much rn

#

i just do

#

fuck him and his stupid fucking yt channel

#

im just so upset as a whole

#

i feel pathetic but im probably tired who fucking knows

#

i’ll be fine lmao 😹

#

me and a friend are talking my ex knows about me and my bf

#

good

#

he should know

#

hopefully he’ll finally leave me the fuck alone

#

i am a bit uncomfortable that my bf has my ex added

abstract merlin May 31, 2024, 7:08 AM

#

what the fuck is happening to me

#

im so tired

#

i sleep now

#

#

I CANT

#

WHY DOES HE LOOK LIKE THAT

#

ok im actually gonna sleep

#

i cannot stop thinking of him

#

STOP

abstract merlin May 31, 2024, 4:45 PM

#

i love him so much

#

genuinely

#

idk if im gonna finish this

abstract merlin May 31, 2024, 5:32 PM

#

sigh

#

i really don’t want to talk to him

#

i’m blocking him again

#

nvm i got curious

#

#

irdc anymore i’m just annoyed at this point

#

#

i love my bf sm he made me feel a bit better but i’m still possed

#

i’m in all my classes again :3

abstract merlin May 31, 2024, 6:35 PM

#

this is a good song

#

jesus

abstract merlin May 31, 2024, 6:53 PM

#

i cant stop thinking of him i miss him a little

abstract merlin May 31, 2024, 7:35 PM

#

im doing pretty good today but it didnt start out the best

abstract merlin May 31, 2024, 8:01 PM

#

i sleep because i miss my bf and im tired anyway

abstract merlin May 31, 2024, 11:54 PM

#

i’m awake

abstract merlin Jun 1, 2024, 3:21 AM

#

i had a pretty good day today

#

i hope he did too ❤️

abstract merlin Jun 1, 2024, 3:39 AM

#

i talked to my mom about my dad it turned into a argument like it always does

#

i’m sleepy

abstract merlin Jun 1, 2024, 4:02 AM

#

started overthinking a bit but i got over it

#

i don’t know if my bf is reading this but i don’t want him to be stressed about me

abstract merlin Jun 1, 2024, 5:52 AM

#

smh

#

made something corny but it’s wtv

abstract merlin Jun 1, 2024, 6:52 AM

#

SCREMAING OMG I LOVE HIM

#

he’s so stupid i love him so much tho

#

STOP HE MAKES ME SO HAPPY

#

#

i feel pathetic but i’m in a pretty good mood regardless

#

is this what being inlove is like 😭

abstract merlin Jun 1, 2024, 8:16 AM

#

god fucking damn it

#

why

#

why can’t i find out what to do

#

why did he join back

#

i want him to leave me alone

#

just leave me the fuck alone that’s all i want

#

he isn’t going to fucking do that

#

don’t you dare make assumptions about him

#

just go away

#

why did you have to come back

#

why do you keep doing this to me

#

this hurts like hell

#

all he’s doing is hurting himself and me

#

just let me be happy dude

#

i want to try to have a better life

#

but he is stopping me completely

#

i can’t block him i want to get it all out before i do

#

fuck it i’m ignoring him i’m ignoring his journal

#

he left

#

i’m so pissed rn dude it hurts

#

i’m just thinking about my bf

#

i feel a bit better

#

i feel better but my bf is stuck in my head now

abstract merlin Jun 1, 2024, 9:41 AM

#

my heart bro (i love him so fucking much)

#

i’m really tired rn imma try to sleep 😼

abstract merlin Jun 1, 2024, 2:31 PM

#

i’m thinking and it hurts

#

i’m just gonna sleep again

hollow saddle Jun 1, 2024, 2:54 PM

#

abstract merlin this is a good song

Any nero's day at disneyland song in general goes stupid tbh

abstract merlin Jun 1, 2024, 4:57 PM

#

i’m isolating myself again

abstract merlin Jun 1, 2024, 4:57 PM

#

hollow saddle Any nero's day at disneyland song in general goes stupid tbh

it goes hard

#

how dare you

#

ykw

#

#

why am i even isolating myself

#

everything was going fine

#

i’m just confused and scared i think

#

well not confused

#

stressed

#

i feel fucking sick

#

i’m overthinking a lot and stressing i’m not sure what’s going on

abstract merlin Jun 1, 2024, 5:28 PM

#

i’m panicking

#

i don’t want to hear her scream in agony it hurts to hear her like this

#

she got better

#

fuck i’m still stressed

hollow saddle Jun 1, 2024, 6:29 PM

#

abstract merlin how dare you

ye thats what i meant 😭

#

sry

abstract merlin Jun 1, 2024, 6:35 PM

#

hollow saddle ye thats what i meant 😭

its ok im just joking :D

hollow saddle Jun 1, 2024, 6:36 PM

#

abstract merlin its ok im just joking :D

ah, lol :]

abstract merlin Jun 1, 2024, 6:37 PM

#

aint no way my friend did this to himself.

#

hes fun tho

abstract merlin Jun 1, 2024, 10:19 PM

#

im a bit pissed off cause my bfs friend keeps annoying him and me

abstract merlin Jun 1, 2024, 11:43 PM

#

i love he gets reminded of the shit he put me through

#

i love torturing him i love seeing him like this

#

i love making him feel like i did

abstract merlin Jun 2, 2024, 2:22 AM

#

i genuinely don’t know what’s wrong with me

#

i don’t want to end up depressed again

#

sigh

#

i’m just gonna sleep

#

i feel like i’m weak if i cry or be upset so it’s best to just sleep

#

i’m not gonna cry again it’s already bad enough that i want to sh

#

goodnight let’s hope i don’t be stupid and hurt myself

abstract merlin Jun 2, 2024, 2:55 AM

#

i like bird

abstract merlin Jun 2, 2024, 5:58 AM

#

debating to tell my dad about hi@

#

him*

#

my mom already knows

#

she called him cute.

#

literally eating dinner at 2 IN THE MORNING because i forgot to eat

abstract merlin Jun 2, 2024, 7:13 AM

#

can’t sleep cause im thinking of him

#

jesus christ im inlove with him

abstract merlin Jun 2, 2024, 7:41 AM

#

beavis and butthead is the stupidest show.

#

😭

abstract merlin Jun 2, 2024, 11:11 PM

#

im tired rn i don’t think i can complain

#

if i do it’ll seem annoying and like im overreacting

abstract merlin Jun 2, 2024, 11:38 PM

#

i like pajama pants chat 😼

abstract merlin Jun 3, 2024, 12:46 AM

#

i love him

#

i cant stop thinking of him

abstract merlin Jun 3, 2024, 1:43 AM

#

IM KICKING MY FEET RN OMG

abstract merlin Jun 3, 2024, 2:36 AM

#

jesus christ i love him he’s stuck in my mind

#

i feel weird i never felt this way

#

he doesn’t understand how much i love him

#

he might be reading these 2 days worth of simping😭

#

or more

#

i lost track

#

im excited for this month tho

#

it’s gonna be fun

abstract merlin Jun 3, 2024, 4:21 AM

#

i miss him d_sob

abstract merlin Jun 3, 2024, 5:34 AM

#

i can’t sleep he’s stuck in my mind

#

im so tired

abstract merlin Jun 3, 2024, 7:00 AM

#

i am excited to wake up and talk to him i can’t stop

#

i feel so weird

#

#

i think i can sleep now

abstract merlin Jun 3, 2024, 2:53 PM

#

i woke up to him calling

#

i love waking up like that

abstract merlin Jun 3, 2024, 4:21 PM

#

my stress is back

#

i hate that

#

HE READ THIS AND CALLED ME A SIMP

#

im gonna find him

#

if ur reading this yk who u are its not MY fault

#

what happened is like haunting me

abstract merlin Jun 3, 2024, 7:03 PM

#

my right arm hurts a lot rn

abstract merlin Jun 3, 2024, 7:54 PM

#

jhariah is so underrated im sorry but hes so good

abstract merlin Jun 3, 2024, 8:42 PM

#

only acceptable country song (imo)

#

i love music sm

#

im in a very good mood rn

#

i feel so weird not in a bad way

#

yes.

abstract merlin Jun 3, 2024, 11:38 PM

#

abstract merlin im in a very good mood rn

im the exact oppisite rn

#

im pissed at everything

#

fucking bipolar

#

im driving myself mad

#

im acc just over reacting prob

abstract merlin Jun 4, 2024, 12:24 AM

#

now im stressed cause i got reminded of axen

#

i want to cry so bad but i can’t

#

i want to fucking kms

#

please leave me alone about it

#

im just gonna be haunted by this forever am i

abstract merlin Jun 4, 2024, 1:34 AM

#

my heart when he said “let’s just love each other im tired of drama”

#

the pain is unbearable

#

i am literally having physical pain from so much stress and regret

#

i can’t express how much i love him and how thankful i am that he’s staying

#

but i can’t help but to hate myself

abstract merlin Jun 4, 2024, 2:16 AM

#

my dad is weird asf he bluntly says what he’s into right in front of me to my mother

#

it’s like.

abstract merlin Jun 4, 2024, 3:03 AM

#

im very tired

#

im scared that we’re gonna be distant again

abstract merlin Jun 4, 2024, 3:54 AM

#

i feel so bad

#

what is wrong with me

#

fucking hell

#

im so sorry im so fucking sorry

abstract merlin Jun 4, 2024, 4:59 AM

#

yippie!! (blood)

abstract merlin Jun 4, 2024, 5:20 AM

#

i genuinely feel like shit for doing this to myself

abstract merlin Jun 4, 2024, 5:58 AM

#

im just gonna try to forget

abstract merlin Jun 4, 2024, 7:26 AM

#

im sorry but he won’t leave my mind i’m not even trying to simp he’s genuinely stuck in my mind

#

i don’t know why

#

i feel so weird

#

im so emotional rn im crying cause i remembered about my papa (grandfather)

#

please help me ☹️

#

im reading my cousins post rn from the day he passed

#

“i remember him only being given 6 months in june 2013” stop.

#

he passed feb 2024.

#

i genuinely miss him so much i can’t even visit his house without looking at his shrine and just remembering every piece of advice he gave me

#

2 more days until i go to disney without him, it’s not gonna be the same gang

#

i keep getting reminded of my bf idk why

#

i sleep now

abstract merlin Jun 4, 2024, 8:24 AM

#

i hope i wake up the same way i did yesterday

#

ok i actually sleep now

abstract merlin Jun 4, 2024, 2:32 PM

#

im sleepy

#

i might sleep but im stressed

abstract merlin Jun 4, 2024, 6:14 PM

#

one of my exs joined a server im active in

#

sigh

#

it’s fine lmao

abstract merlin Jun 4, 2024, 6:53 PM

#

im overthinking about shit but it isnt too bad

#

axen unblocked me…. 🤦🏽‍♀️

abstract merlin Jun 4, 2024, 8:37 PM

#

it’s gotten bad

#

i want to tell him but i don’t want to upset him or bother him

#

im just hoping he isn’t going to be distant with me

#

i can’t really cry or be upset cause im doing work so

#

i have been so stressed recently

#

its actual pain

abstract merlin Jun 4, 2024, 10:21 PM

#

told him, im just

#

pathetic

abstract merlin Jun 4, 2024, 10:47 PM

#

i feel like someone just ripped my heart out i cant lie to him

#

debating weather or not i should isolate myself and think more

#

i think i should

abstract merlin Jun 5, 2024, 5:50 AM

#

the night ended good, im just very tired rn

#

yeah

#

a super bad animation i made in like may of last year

#

it’s old but

#

i hate it

abstract merlin Jun 5, 2024, 7:21 PM

#

im draine

#

he got mad over rainbow 6and i can’t take it anymore

#

i want to bash my head in i am so tired and pissed off

abstract merlin Jun 6, 2024, 12:38 AM

#

im tweaking over him again

#

stop

#

PLEASE

#

he isn’t even texting me

#

but like

#

i can’t stop thinking of him

abstract merlin Jun 6, 2024, 1:54 AM

#

im a bit upset because we didn’t really talk much today but ill see him in 3 days

#

i have to go to disney so

#

RUDE

abstract merlin Jun 6, 2024, 7:00 AM

#

im all pissy and cranky rn

#

i can’t sleep until we get in the car

abstract merlin Jun 6, 2024, 7:54 AM

#

im better

abstract merlin Jun 6, 2024, 9:04 AM

#

scrolled twice on twitter and immediately saw someone dying

abstract merlin Jun 6, 2024, 9:42 AM

#

49 reactions holy shit

abstract merlin Jun 6, 2024, 10:20 AM

#

this is so cute

abstract merlin Jun 6, 2024, 11:11 AM

#

i miss him so i started looking at our media thing in our dms i kept seeing pictures and like uncontrollably smiling what is happening

abstract merlin Jun 6, 2024, 12:42 PM

#

he needs to wake uppp i miss him

abstract merlin Jun 6, 2024, 1:02 PM

#

started crying because my dad started yelling at me for something i didn’t even do

#

im so tired i cant even think straight

#

im not letting him see me cry

#

that’s what he wants

#

fuck im stressed out

#

about everything

#

this is pathetic

#

im pathetic

#

i just gotta act happy i am not letting him see me like this

#

i can’t fucking do this man

#

why does my dad ruin everything

abstract merlin Jun 6, 2024, 1:40 PM

#

i am thinking to hard

abstract merlin Jun 6, 2024, 1:56 PM

#

i’ve gotten a bit better im still thinking too much

#

im excited tho

abstract merlin Jun 6, 2024, 3:13 PM

#

my dad pissed me off again

abstract merlin Jun 6, 2024, 6:51 PM

#

almost at disney

#

took about 3 hours but

#

worth it

#

blurry ass pic but

abstract merlin Jun 6, 2024, 8:26 PM

#

took a pic of my dads hand to trace

#

😭

abstract merlin Jun 6, 2024, 10:41 PM

#

im so drained rn

#

every couple i see makes me wanna cry

#

i miss him so much and im so stressed about him

abstract merlin Jun 6, 2024, 10:59 PM

#

now ik fucking pissed

#

it started pouring while i was walking to the hotel

abstract merlin Jun 6, 2024, 11:26 PM

#

trust issues go crazy

#

i can’t believe ANYTHING

abstract merlin Jun 7, 2024, 12:29 AM

#

abstract merlin Jun 7, 2024, 12:45 AM

#

i think i should stop trying to talk to him

#

he isn’t really trying to talk so why should i

abstract merlin Jun 7, 2024, 1:15 AM

#

i think im hearing gunshots

abstract merlin Jun 7, 2024, 2:43 AM

#

pain.

#

just overthinking and actual pain

#

maybe im overreacting idk

abstract merlin Jun 7, 2024, 12:27 PM

#

good morning

#

i have to get ready soon

#

idk if he’s ignoring me or not but it’s ok i just have to get my mind off it

neat patrol Jun 7, 2024, 1:11 PM

#

abstract merlin good morning

Good morning Northern Hemisphere!!

abstract merlin Jun 7, 2024, 1:12 PM

#

omg HIIII

#

im gonna kms i want to ignore my overthinking but i can’t when my parents keep fucking arguing

#

it’s fine im going to magic kingdom :D

#

but i did fall asleep listening to music 😭

abstract merlin Jun 7, 2024, 2:02 PM

#

he’s just been stuck in my head this whole time i miss him alot he isn’t really texting he’s probably playing with people

#

i covered the wound in my neck with make up pretty decently

abstract merlin Jun 7, 2024, 6:18 PM

#

my best friend bro

#

he’s actually so cool

abstract merlin Jun 8, 2024, 2:22 AM

#

i miss my bf

#

i miss his voice

#

i’ll be fine but i miss talking to him

abstract merlin Jun 8, 2024, 2:10 PM

#

woah

abstract merlin Jun 8, 2024, 3:32 PM

#

doggy is back

abstract merlin Jun 8, 2024, 6:34 PM

#

im in agonizing pain rn

#

im sitting on a bus so it’ll feel a bit better but i started crying

abstract merlin Jun 8, 2024, 7:06 PM

#

IM KICIKING NY FEET I LOVE HIM DO MUCH

#

i miss him a lot too

abstract merlin Jun 8, 2024, 10:22 PM

#

grah

thick storm Jun 8, 2024, 10:27 PM

#

over 7k messages 😭

abstract merlin Jun 8, 2024, 10:41 PM

#

im riding my fav ride again (im gonna cry it’s rise of the resistance)

#

i love it but the drop dude

abstract merlin Jun 8, 2024, 11:06 PM

#

the ride in question

neat patrol Jun 8, 2024, 11:17 PM

#

abstract merlin the ride in question

sickk

#

where's this at?

abstract merlin Jun 8, 2024, 11:19 PM

#

disney world orlando

#

abstract merlin Jun 9, 2024, 3:11 AM

#

#

thinking too hard again

abstract merlin Jun 9, 2024, 1:46 PM

#

im home now

abstract merlin Jun 10, 2024, 1:33 AM

#

abstract merlin Jun 10, 2024, 4:05 AM

#

i love aiden so much

ancient talon Jun 10, 2024, 4:14 AM

#

we get it

abstract merlin Jun 10, 2024, 4:14 AM

#

ok

#

cool

#

idrc tbh

#

ancient talon Jun 10, 2024, 4:15 AM

#

well

#

I truly care lol

abstract merlin Jun 10, 2024, 4:15 AM

#

oki folk

ancient talon Jun 10, 2024, 4:15 AM

#

you are writing this journal for us to read isn't it

abstract merlin Jun 10, 2024, 4:15 AM

#

i meant doki

#

but it autocorrected

ancient talon Jun 10, 2024, 4:15 AM

#

I just said it's clear you love aidan

ancient talon Jun 10, 2024, 4:16 AM

#

abstract merlin

whose birthday is it

abstract merlin Jun 10, 2024, 4:16 AM

#

cat

abstract merlin Jun 10, 2024, 4:16 AM

#

ancient talon whose birthday is it

idk the sticker looks dumb

abstract merlin Jun 10, 2024, 8:10 PM

#

my bf broke up with me

#

idk what to say

#

i cant lok at this journal

#

abstract merlin Jun 10, 2024, 8:56 PM

#

it hurts to come here

#

he loiterally lost feelings in a spam for 2 weeks

#

span

#

my keyboard bro 😭

abstract merlin Jun 10, 2024, 11:21 PM

#

everything is reminding me of him

#

this sucks

#

i don’t know what to do

abstract merlin Jun 11, 2024, 12:01 AM

#

why did i try

#

why did i believe it

abstract merlin Jun 11, 2024, 1:59 AM

#

i think he’s a furry and gay now

neat patrol Jun 11, 2024, 2:31 AM

#

woah

abstract merlin Jun 11, 2024, 2:41 AM

#

i love your name.

abstract merlin Jun 11, 2024, 12:00 PM

#

i found a cute avatar

VRChat_2024-06-10_22-07-29.177_4320x7680.png

ancient talon Jun 11, 2024, 12:00 PM

#

roblox?

abstract merlin Jun 11, 2024, 12:01 PM

#

vrchat

#

i like the design of it

abstract merlin Jun 11, 2024, 12:56 PM

#

wip

abstract merlin Jun 11, 2024, 2:45 PM

#

robot

abstract merlin Jun 11, 2024, 3:08 PM

#

abstract merlin Jun 11, 2024, 9:44 PM

#

(forgot to post this like a hour ago sorry)

split jolt Aug 29, 2024, 9:35 AM

#

nice drawings

split jolt Aug 29, 2024, 9:35 AM

#

abstract merlin wip

what is it for

split jolt Aug 29, 2024, 9:35 AM

#

abstract merlin i love your name.

skibidi

abstract merlin Aug 29, 2024, 1:26 PM

#

split jolt what is it for

it was a reference sheet and holy shit i forgot about this journal

abstract merlin Aug 29, 2024, 5:37 PM

#

abstract merlin i think he’s a furry and gay now

update btw i’m dating someone else and he is bi and dating a dude

#

so i was kinda right

#

he might be a furry but idc

#

i’m happy with my current relationship and hold no feelings towards my ex anymore

split jolt Aug 31, 2024, 9:48 AM

#

niceee

abstract merlin Sep 1, 2024, 4:08 AM

#

abstract merlin update btw i’m dating someone else and he is bi and dating a dude

update he cheated

abstract merlin Sep 3, 2024, 5:45 AM

#

should i become active in this journal again?

split jolt Sep 4, 2024, 9:15 AM

#

abstract merlin update he cheated

oh

split jolt Sep 4, 2024, 9:15 AM

#

abstract merlin should i become active in this journal again?

im intrested

shy aurora Sep 14, 2024, 1:48 AM

#

I am not red guys. 😳

abstract merlin Sep 14, 2024, 5:13 PM

#

goomba

#

september 14th, 2024

#

i talked to my ex yesterday, hes going insane and ive lost like all my respect for him because hes going after a innocent girl.

split jolt Sep 19, 2024, 11:43 AM

#

damn

#

what

abstract merlin Sep 19, 2024, 11:53 AM

#

exactly

frigid island Sep 19, 2024, 1:05 PM

#

.

abstract merlin Sep 19, 2024, 7:03 PM

#

i drew

abstract merlin Oct 13, 2024, 6:10 AM

#

october 13th, 2024

#

yesterday was my bfs birthday, i love him so much

#

i found out my ex joined a couple of minutes ago and said a bit of misinformation but i don’t mind

#

i don’t hate him and never got mad at him in just going to clear that up just in case he’s reading

#

but dw i won’t reach out to you i never planned too

#

and i’m a lot happier now than i was last year

#

man this journals old huh

#

i’m sorry i’ve been inactive for a couple of months a lot of things have happened that opened my eyes

#

i’ve been dealing with another one of my exs as well

#

which has cussed me out which i don’t mind

#

honestly i’m taking the route of just forgetting it all which was easy for one of my exs

#

but then he popped up again which doesn’t bother me

#

honestly the other ex is a lot more rude than the one here

#

also i got a new cat

#

she’s so beautiful but hates my other cat

#

my news cats name is kofi or coffee

#

she’s currently sleeping on my leg

#

back to the exs tho i’ve moved on from both and i appreciate if ur reading this that you’ve distanced yourself, ive been doing a lot better and made more friends. i hope you have been doing decent.

#

although the other ex has been very annoying

#

but other than that lives been good except for this guy named aryan

#

he’s been stalking me at school trying to touch my thigh and whatnot

#

it’s disgusting really

#

but im recently with a friend and my boyfriend

#

today was amazing

#

i’m hoping tomorrow is even better

#

a little dump about my bf ||i am genuinely in love with him. to be brutally honest ive never been in love with someone, this is the first time ive ever actually loved someone with all my heart. they’ve made me a better person, showed me love and support, and made me realize what i used to do was extremely wrong and has helped me move on and better myself. i love him with every ounce of my body. he’s coming over for the summer i’m so excited. i’ve planned so much. he makes me so happy genuinely. i have never smiled this much before. agghhh i love him so much.||

#

me, morgan (bf), and spring (a friend of ours) have been playing vrc for the past couple of hours and it was fun asf. spring kept doing this thing with his avatar that made me wheeze. and we all blocked my toxic ex (not the one here) so that’s great. my other ex has gotten a lot worse. he’s just toxic to everyone. but meanwhile i’m getting better.

#

but again thank you all for blowing this journal up in early 2024, it meant the world to me and i hope this journal could potentially help you not end up the way i did. i regret everything ive done and you can chose to believe that or not, i don’t mind.

#

sigh i feel so bad for my nontoxic ex

#

i wish i never asked him out so that this could’ve been avoided

#

and axen if you are reading this i’m truly sorry. it’s not okay what i’ve done, but i’ve moved on from you and won’t be contacting you at all. i never planned too and didn’t want too. i’m doing a lot better mentally and physically. with all due respect i never want to talk to you again either, and im not going to do anything to you. there isn’t a reason too. it would be pure bloodlust. either way i’m hoping what i’ve done is justified from the efforts i’ve made changing. you can chose to believe that or not i don’t mind

#

so again please don’t contact me either or make alts to contact me each time you did that it just hurt

#

i will be unblocking you but again please don’t message me.

#

side note, please keep me out of your mouth respectfully

abstract merlin Oct 13, 2024, 7:02 AM

#

i don’t think i’m gonna write here often but if you have any questions feel absolutely free to ask!

abstract merlin Oct 13, 2024, 8:02 PM

#

apparently my toxic ex called me a slur for having trauma with my dad..?

#

that’s fun.

abstract merlin Oct 14, 2024, 2:53 AM

#

moving on from that uh

#

anyways the rest of today was just amazing

#

i’ve been having a really good week so far

#

me and my bf played vr again it was really fun

#

me and my bf also found this incredibox world

#

it was genuinely the most fun i’ve had in a while

#

genuinely so greatful for him i cannot even explain it

abstract merlin Oct 14, 2024, 3:38 PM

#

october 14th 2024

#

good morning everyone

#

my ex texted me even tho he wants boundaries i’m confused and a bit uncomfortable

#

so far the convos okay..

#

honestly know that i look back on this journal i was way too depressed

abstract merlin Oct 14, 2024, 4:46 PM

#

i miss my bf sm

abstract merlin Oct 14, 2024, 6:04 PM

#

i noticed my eye sights getting worse

split jolt Oct 28, 2024, 7:18 AM

#

Damn

abstract merlin Nov 30, 2024, 7:45 AM

#

November 30th, 2024

#

my mentals terrible again so hello again everyone

#

i keep getting out bursts. i genuinely don’t know what to do

#

i’ll probably be fine, it might be my bipolar. but other than that my ex (not axen) has been bothering me

#

i blocked axen because i just had no interest into speaking to him

#

there wasn’t a point, and he was just bugging me

#

i’m sorry i haven’t been active my life hasn’t been as interesting as it used to be, i guess it’s a good thing i wasn’t active tho? nothing too worrying has happened

#

oh and sadly my partner isn’t coming over for the summer anymore

#

i’m really tired so ima head to sleep

#

thank you all for the support for the past year, it meant a lot. <3

abstract merlin Nov 30, 2024, 10:01 PM

#

i got triggered by something

#

and now i’m getting memories i wish i could forever forget

abstract merlin Dec 1, 2024, 9:44 PM

#

december 1st 2024

#

i feel like i should isolate myself

#

what i’ve done is haunting me again

#

i’m shaking and my minds racing, i really do hate myself for everything. i’m way too clingy and i am just stuck in this state of mind of just forgetting and secretly shaming every part about me

#

i’m scared of everyone and i don’t want to be a failure but i already am

abstract merlin Dec 2, 2024, 10:40 PM

#

december 2nd, 2024

#

i love you sm @topaz hill

topaz hill Dec 2, 2024, 10:41 PM

#

I love you so much too @abstract merlin

abstract merlin Dec 2, 2024, 10:41 PM

#

hehe

#

oh right

#

i can’t send gifs

#

awh

abstract merlin Dec 3, 2024, 10:35 PM

#

december 3rd, 2024

#

my bf is coming for summer

#

yay!

abstract merlin Dec 7, 2024, 6:31 PM

#

december 7th, 2024

#

i saw axen’s name again, it made me freeze

#

everyone here probably doesn’t support me anymore that just clicked

#

at least i have my partner

topaz hill Dec 7, 2024, 6:32 PM

#

I'll always be here for you

abstract merlin Dec 7, 2024, 6:33 PM

#

thank you <3

#

that’s my partner btw he’s the sweetest

#

i can go on and on about him

#

i’m going out today i’m not sure where

#

i’m extremely hungry and i’m gonna start working out today

#

i keep forgetting

#

i love these emojis

abstract merlin Dec 7, 2024, 7:40 PM

#

Something I drew

abstract merlin Dec 7, 2024, 10:17 PM

#

guys am i screwed

#

and i used youtube cause i don’t have spotify atm

abstract merlin Dec 7, 2024, 10:46 PM

#

got curious and a bit worried and dmed axen

#

i don’t plan being friends or mutually talking

#

i will probably block him after again

#

sigh

#

i already regret it i shouldn’t have read his journal

#

MY PARTNER TEXTED ME

#

HORRAY

abstract merlin Dec 7, 2024, 10:55 PM

#

abstract merlin i already regret it i shouldn’t have read his journal

everything went well

abstract merlin Dec 7, 2024, 11:11 PM

#

ice creaaaammm :3

#

i love december

#

it’s my favorite time of the year i do so much

abstract merlin Dec 8, 2024, 12:41 AM

#

i’m shaking it’s so cold

#

48 is cold btw

#

i’m shaking bad

abstract merlin Dec 8, 2024, 1:02 AM

#

i’m not shaking anymore but my nose is freezing

abstract merlin Dec 8, 2024, 2:39 AM

#

and i can’t talk to my bf much

#

sigh

#

idk what i’m gonna do tbh i have nothing else to do

languid snow Dec 8, 2024, 2:41 AM

#

abstract merlin and i can’t talk to my bf much

Can I ask why?

abstract merlin Dec 8, 2024, 2:42 AM

#

languid snow Can I ask why?

he’s gonna be going to his cousins quinceanera and be staying the night at his cousins

#

i’ll be fine i’m just clingy

abstract merlin Dec 8, 2024, 4:18 AM

#

I uh……

#

I like ‘‘em younger.. 😈😈(THIS IS SATIRE PLS BELIEVE ME.)

abstract merlin Dec 8, 2024, 5:11 AM

#

i’m starting to cry

#

and i don’t know why

#

i feel a lot of pain and i’m shaking and curled up in a ball

#

#

oh never mind

abstract merlin Dec 8, 2024, 5:45 AM

#

it’s so cold in my house i’m so tired

#

i’m still crying

abstract merlin Dec 8, 2024, 3:29 PM

#

december 8th, 2024

#

giggling

abstract merlin Dec 8, 2024, 4:49 PM

#

GOOD NEWS I REALIZED I HAVENT LOOKED AT MY EXES STUFF IN A WHILE (not axen)

#

i wanna do something and go somewhere

#

i don’t like staying home all day

#

i’m not sure how i feel about axen like i don’t hate him but i just can’t be friends with him i don’t want to risk him liking me again & plus i respect my partners boundaries about being uncomfortable with me talking to him

abstract merlin Dec 8, 2024, 6:34 PM

#

my partner hasn’t texted me yet today i’m starting to worry, he is most likely busy tho

#

i wonder what he’s doing rn

#

oh

#

he made a story

#

i’m overthinking badly

#

he usually texts me at least once and he doesn’t seem busy

#

i’m trying so hard not to overthink it

#

do i just bother him

#

is that all i do

#

i am probably thinking too much

abstract merlin Dec 8, 2024, 7:29 PM

#

i hear gunshots

abstract merlin Dec 8, 2024, 8:11 PM

#

hm

abstract merlin Dec 8, 2024, 8:40 PM

#

i’m overwhelmed with how much i’m thinking

#

i’m starting to cry

#

he opened my snap but didn’t text back but i did delete a message

abstract merlin Dec 8, 2024, 9:11 PM

#

i keep checking to see if he texted and it hurts

abstract merlin Dec 8, 2024, 11:17 PM

#

i’m going decent

#

i ate cheese bread

#

i looooove cheese bread

abstract merlin Dec 9, 2024, 12:12 AM

#

abstract merlin hm

resuming this

abstract merlin Dec 9, 2024, 1:13 AM

#

i’m gonna play vr i miss my bf still :(

#

my ex pissed me off

#

i really hate him

#

not you axen btw if ur reading this

#

just talking about x (my other ex) makes me so mad

abstract merlin Dec 9, 2024, 4:30 AM

#

YAY MY BF IS COMING HOME!!

abstract merlin Dec 9, 2024, 11:08 AM

#

december 9th, 2024

#

good morning i have school

abstract merlin Dec 9, 2024, 7:12 PM

#

i’m going home now

#

YAAAAAY

#

i am going somewhere tonight

#

it’s full of lights it’s so pretty

abstract merlin Dec 11, 2024, 1:46 PM

#

december 11th, 2024

#

i’m sick somehow

#

my throats dry and i have a sorta runny nose

#

i hate this class i’m in tho

#

oh and

abstract merlin Dec 11, 2024, 7:38 PM

#

i have work today and it hurts to talk or breathe

#

or swallow

#

or drink

#

or do anything with my mouth

abstract merlin Dec 11, 2024, 11:20 PM

#

hehehehe

#

i’m so funny

#

i did tho

#

mmmmm 🔥🔥🔥🔥

#

unfortunately whenever someone touches my thigh i flinch because of a ||sa|| incident

abstract merlin Dec 12, 2024, 4:43 AM

#

goodnight!!!

abstract merlin Dec 12, 2024, 10:43 AM

#

december 12th, 2024

#

i’m in so much pain

#

my throat hurts so bad

abstract merlin Dec 12, 2024, 5:59 PM

#

i feel somewhat better

abstract merlin Dec 13, 2024, 3:05 AM

#

i swear to god this boy is so sweet

#

i love him so much

#

he is everything i could ever ask for

abstract merlin Dec 13, 2024, 5:13 AM

#

i’m genuinely a horrible person

#

i should actually kill myself

#

my bf is crying because i genuinely don’t know if i’m going too but it seems like it’s the right thing to do

#

if i do kms i don’t want him to be affected

#

i want him to have a happy life with another special girl if i do die

#

if i die from something unexpected i made a whole notepad

#

but i’ll most likely die from suicide

#

but i also might die from murder

#

given the current events and past events of everything that i’ve been through

#

everytime i wake up and think about how bad of a person i am

#

and i think at least morgan’s here, he’ll make my day

#

but we don’t even talk until 4:40

#

i always cry

#

i hate it so much

#

why can’t i be normal

#

why couldn’t i be smart back then

#

the messages of what x said is haunting me

#

wishing 🍇 and death upon me

#

and the whole time i was in the gc i got bullied and it destroyed me

#

i know i committed something far from normal and something inexcusable

#

and that’s why i seriously consider kms every night

#

when he’s sleeping i just lose myself in my thoughts while looking at him

#

i start to think darker and darker

#

and eventually i pass out

#

his status makes me feel like even more of a bad person

#

i am just getting haunted from my last

#

past

#

no matter what i do and no matter how hard i work to forget

#

something or someone has to remind me

#

i’m just

#

i should do it

#

i really should

#

but i just can’t

#

i get so close to doing it

#

i hate being weak

#

i want to hurt myself again

#

it’s so hard not too

#

i’m sobbing so hard

#

he’s actually so innocent

#

and i think i’m ruining him

#

my heart is breaking

#

i’m so sorry morgan.

#

i love you so much.

abstract merlin Dec 13, 2024, 6:45 AM

#

told my mom everything

#

i’m getting a theripast after the holidays

abstract merlin Dec 13, 2024, 1:51 PM

#

i really like kristen schaals voice

abstract merlin Dec 14, 2024, 1:11 AM

#

i miss my partner too much

abstract merlin Dec 14, 2024, 11:54 PM

#

i feel bad

abstract merlin Dec 16, 2024, 11:00 AM

#

december 16, 2024

#

i’m tired i worked out yesterday and my legs are tired

abstract merlin Dec 17, 2024, 11:14 AM

#

december 17th, 2024

#

tbh i should’ve texted them why i blocked them before i did

#

but i tried to tell them why i blocked them

#

and now they’re extremely upset

#

i’m so confused about what to do

abstract merlin Dec 18, 2024, 3:05 AM

#

horray

abstract merlin Dec 18, 2024, 3:35 AM

#

gangle

abstract merlin Dec 18, 2024, 3:54 AM

#

im starting to think bad again

#

i’m starting to cry a bit

tropic plank Dec 18, 2024, 4:17 AM

#

abstract merlin i’m starting to cry a bit

Don’t cry

#

Things will get better

abstract merlin Dec 18, 2024, 4:18 AM

#

thank you

tropic plank Dec 18, 2024, 4:18 AM

#

Anytime hugs

#

:)

abstract merlin Dec 18, 2024, 4:18 AM

#

:3

abstract merlin Dec 18, 2024, 6:10 PM

#

December 18th 2024

#

Christmas is in 7 days :3

abstract merlin Dec 19, 2024, 11:43 AM

#

december 19th, 2024

#

this morning started terribly

abstract merlin Dec 19, 2024, 3:07 PM

#

i’m alright now, i’m excited to see my friends

abstract merlin Dec 20, 2024, 10:56 PM

#

december 20th, 2024

#

i punched something really hard

#

and now my wrist hurts

abstract merlin Dec 29, 2024, 2:31 AM

#

december 28th, 2024

#

lowkey told him why i blocked him but oki ☹️

#

i showed him proof, it annoyed me because my partner was annoyed and uncomfortable with it but it’s an excuse now

#

whatever i don’t really care honestly

#

he’s just spreading shit

abstract merlin Dec 29, 2024, 3:22 AM

#

that is just aggravating i’m already dealing with enough shit

abstract merlin Jan 2, 2025, 9:38 PM

#

january 2nd, 2025

#

why

#

great

#

i have to deal with my ex

#

i’m crying again like bro

#

i don’t fucking like you

#

i have to deal with it BY MYSELF AND GET TREATED LIKE IM THE WEIRD ONE

#

WHEN I ALWAYS SH “I DONT FEEL COMFORTABLE AROUND HIM”

abstract merlin Jan 2, 2025, 10:40 PM

#

sigh

#

i’m drained

abstract merlin Feb 17, 2025, 2:56 AM

#

february 16th, 2025. the end of this journal.

#

hello everyone. thank you so much for giving this journal so much attention! it means the world to me. i will most likely make a new one, but this journal is over a year old. i’ve had my highest and lows here. but again, thank you for all the attention i’ve gotten. and i hope you will see me at my new journal. i’m glad if i inspired you. and to ttc moderators: im sorry if the constant journals gotten annoying. i’m not sure if i started this or not but either way it has been fun.

#

oml

#

well i have a new journal

#Journal of my life!

october 13th, 2024

october 14th 2024

November 30th, 2024

december 1st 2024

december 2nd, 2024

december 3rd, 2024

december 7th, 2024

december 8th, 2024

december 9th, 2024

december 11th, 2024

december 12th, 2024

december 16, 2024

december 17th, 2024

December 18th 2024

december 19th, 2024

december 20th, 2024

december 28th, 2024

january 2nd, 2025

february 16th, 2025. the end of this journal.