Journal of my life! | The Therapy Center | Page 7

abstract merlin May 15, 2024, 1:19 AM

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im sleepy

abstract merlin May 15, 2024, 3:15 AM

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gifted my closest friend nitro i feel fucking great

neat patrol May 15, 2024, 11:34 AM

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omfg, glitch, I've taken a break from discord from months, and I came back because I was like "there's no way the journal is still going, I wonder what's up" And NO WAY, HOW DO YOU DO THIS?

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THIS IS LIKE IMPRESSIVE NGL

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when I did this, it only lasted 3 days lol

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but seriously, good job

abstract merlin May 15, 2024, 5:08 PM

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neat patrol but seriously, good job

thank you sm it’s nice to see you again

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i hope you’re doing well!

abstract merlin May 16, 2024, 4:06 AM

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left the gc

calm notch May 18, 2024, 6:16 AM

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Sorry 😭

abstract merlin May 18, 2024, 6:34 AM

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apologies

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i feel like shit

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i did it too myself tho

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i guess im single tho 😭

abstract merlin May 18, 2024, 7:06 AM

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i still love him

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omg im pathetic

abstract merlin May 18, 2024, 7:27 AM

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im literally fucking hating myself why did i do that

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he did love me

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i was so wrong

abstract merlin May 18, 2024, 9:03 AM

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im very stressed

abstract merlin May 18, 2024, 2:41 PM

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texting the other guy this is a lot to take in

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i swear i better fucking change from this

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hope axens happy, cause i got called a lot and i got told to go to hell but i mean i deserve it

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im just letting him go

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im not gonna try anymore i have to change

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i don’t want to force him to stay anymore

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i want him to be happy

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but fuck i have to figure out how to change

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cause i fucked up bad

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and i know that very well

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i won’t deny anything i did

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i cheated on him with gold before aiden but then gold leaked a nude

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dude what is wrong with me

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i don’t even want to give myself pity

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i don’t need pity

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i need change

abstract merlin May 18, 2024, 4:01 PM

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im tired but im gonna let them both get things off their chest

abstract merlin May 18, 2024, 4:47 PM

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i know i’m not a victim

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how am i acting like one

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ik@fucking exhausted i’ve been taking the blame this whole time and im still getting called a attention seeker

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idk what to say anymore

chilly island May 18, 2024, 5:08 PM

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abstract merlin ik@fucking exhausted i’ve been taking the blame this whole time and im still get...

In my defense you put me through all that Trama then you admitted it was for attention

abstract merlin May 18, 2024, 5:08 PM

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chilly island In my defense you put me through all that Trama then you admitted it was for att...

why are you here

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what do you fucking want i apologized and admired all of it

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you fucking won

chilly island May 18, 2024, 5:09 PM

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I like defending my self

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I’m not here to argue

abstract merlin May 18, 2024, 5:09 PM

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every one is on ur side

chilly island May 18, 2024, 5:09 PM

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Do not call me by my name pls

abstract merlin May 18, 2024, 5:09 PM

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axen

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u already won

chilly island May 18, 2024, 5:10 PM

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That’s more better

abstract merlin May 18, 2024, 5:10 PM

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so what else do u need me to do?

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answer

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since your so eager to come here

chilly island May 18, 2024, 5:21 PM

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Honestly nonthing

abstract merlin May 18, 2024, 5:22 PM

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yeah you talked behind my back tho

abstract merlin May 18, 2024, 5:44 PM

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why do i still fucking love him

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jesus fucking christ

abstract merlin May 18, 2024, 7:04 PM

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he left the gc and i feel sick

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im just tored

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sigh

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i can’t stop thinking about him

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it actually doesn’t bring me joy anymore

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don’t really know what to say anymore

abstract merlin May 18, 2024, 8:15 PM

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made a friend somehow :3

abstract merlin May 18, 2024, 8:51 PM

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idk how to feel

abstract merlin May 18, 2024, 9:15 PM

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i might meet one of my only friends :0

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online**

abstract merlin May 18, 2024, 11:07 PM

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i had one of those naps to where you forget you exist

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it was nice

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a friend told me some stuff about my ex earlier, im still upset

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my ex said something weird in a bit uncomfortable now

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it was nothing bad

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it was just weird

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i got over it

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ah i misunderstood

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apologies

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i drink stuff weird 😨

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I CANNOT WAIT FOR DISNEY THO

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but rn im figuring out how i could change

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MY FRIEND HUST LEFT HER TOXIC RELATIONSHIP IM SO HAPPY FOR HER

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i tried, you know i really did but i cant date again not yet

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ugh i can’t eat.

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help!!!!!!

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yeah i’d like to solve the puzzle

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what is happening

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like i actually can’t eat

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trying to ignore the urge to say how much i love him<<<

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ugh i’ll get over it chat

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im proud of her :)

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omg mood swings

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bad aim

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ok but the only reason why im changing is because of him and i hate that

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idk if it’s bad or not

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ngl the mention of the other guys name is a mood killer

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sigh

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i don’t gotta reason to change so nvm

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im still going too

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but i don’t have a reason too

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wait actually

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hold on let me cook

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ok im done with the slang

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smh

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he really wasn’t replaceable it was my fault but hm

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ok im gonna think

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i wanna make up for it but im not gonna over step the truth of im not ready

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ok first thing i have to fix is how i feel about relationships

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good news is that i can kinda eat usually when im overwhelmed i can’t eat

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i just don’t feel like eating

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i go without eating for a couple of days but i ate a portion of my dinner

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please don’t piss me off that won’t benefit anyone

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omg i am actually doing well physically for a change i don’t have urges to hurt myself or anyone

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that’s good

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i know axen

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you already said that

abstract merlin May 19, 2024, 12:03 AM

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abstract merlin omg i am actually doing well physically for a change i don’t have urges to hurt ...

i don’t have urges to drink either

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idk why

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im very shaky tho again not sure why

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i have been having physical health concerns

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i have been feeling light headed and i have been limp lately

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im not really that stressed to be shaky

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i think i need a doctor

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i need a epi pen for my allergies

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truthfully i don’t want to beg anymore im exhausted

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im not gonna make any moves

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because i can’t and don’t want too

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i appreciated the chance to change, but i don’t think i can handle that im not sure im trying to figure it out

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let me think rq

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i think relationships are confusing because i never had a serious one

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axens was my first serious one

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im trying to figure out the problem

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im really tired rn

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i barely got any sleep yesterday because i was stressed that this would happen

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i guess im a bit happy that i found one of my old friends

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i feel weird shit rn

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my stomach feels weird

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idk what to say i’ve been alone all day

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looking back i have gotten fucked up ever since i joined that gc

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WHAT

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ok auto correct has got to go

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i don’t necessarily think the gc ruined me but it did affect my mental health drastically

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230 photos of this one silly guy

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it’s hitting me

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i am losing and gaining hope

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i’m noticing that he’s online a lot longer when we’re split

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there’s a song stuck in my head

abstract merlin May 19, 2024, 1:14 AM

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my friend wants to play vr, i can’t

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it hurts

abstract merlin May 19, 2024, 2:35 AM

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he won’t leave my mind but he hates me smh

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im just thinking

abstract merlin May 19, 2024, 2:57 AM

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sigh

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well i guess he’s over me

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jesus that hurt reading that

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i tried not to cry this whole time but jesus fucking christ

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it’s gonna be alright

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i’ll be fine

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i guess i’ll have to find someone else as well

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i don’t know what to say

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i just felt the worst feeling in my life

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i easily left natalia why can this be like that

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i did this shit to myself i don’t even want self pity

grave sinew May 19, 2024, 3:19 AM

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abstract merlin i just felt the worst feeling in my life

I hope you're okay 🫂

abstract merlin May 19, 2024, 3:20 AM

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don’t

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i am terrible for what i did

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go to axens form and comfort him i don’t deserve comfort

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please he needs it more than me

grave sinew May 19, 2024, 3:22 AM

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I think you both deserve comfort and help

abstract merlin May 19, 2024, 3:23 AM

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i deserve death taylor i shouldn’t have been dating anyone i should’ve have taken a break

grave sinew May 19, 2024, 3:23 AM

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abstract merlin i deserve death taylor i shouldn’t have been dating anyone i should’ve have take...

you don't deserve death, you deserve help and to get better

abstract merlin May 19, 2024, 3:24 AM

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im trying i really am but its scary

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it’s fucking scary

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i wanted a break and too try again when im ready but

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we had a plan

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i don’t want pity or sympathy

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i just want help

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that i can’t fucking afford

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i’ve been recovering from alcohol and drugs but i have came close to it recently that isn’t helping at all

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i didn’t do it tho

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im 4 months sober and i plan to stay that way

grave sinew May 19, 2024, 3:26 AM

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abstract merlin i just want help

have you tried joining different online vent/therapy servers? It could be like a fresh start and people can help differently then people in this server

abstract merlin May 19, 2024, 3:27 AM

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im in 2 but i am nervous as fuck

grave sinew May 19, 2024, 3:27 AM

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abstract merlin im 4 months sober and i plan to stay that way

great job on 4 months sober !

abstract merlin May 19, 2024, 3:27 AM

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what aiden said hurts and what axen also said hurts

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they both said they want me to change but

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holy fuck i just want to love him again

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i want to help him

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i want to take care of him

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but he doesn’t want that

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i really want to comfort him and try to make up for him

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i want to get better for him

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i really do

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but i have to do this for myself

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i fucked him up

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i broke him

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all because i didn’t communicate

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i want to look at his journal but that’ll hurt

grave sinew May 19, 2024, 3:30 AM

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abstract merlin i want to look at his journal but that’ll hurt

personally I don't think you should do that right now, you're already upset and stuff and it will just make it worse

abstract merlin May 19, 2024, 3:31 AM

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axen if ur reading this i fucked you up i know i did i really want to take care of you. but i fucking can’t i really can’t and it wasn’t worth it. i was confused and in distress.

abstract merlin May 19, 2024, 3:31 AM

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grave sinew personally I don't think you should do that right now, you're already upset and ...

it’s hard because i want to make sure he’s ok yk

grave sinew May 19, 2024, 3:32 AM

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abstract merlin it’s hard because i want to make sure he’s ok yk

yeah

abstract merlin May 19, 2024, 3:32 AM

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because i still care but

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all this pain

grave sinew May 19, 2024, 3:32 AM

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I think it would just be better to focus on yourself for a bit and try to help yourself before worrying about other people

abstract merlin May 19, 2024, 3:32 AM

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all because i didn’t communicate and asked for some space

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it’s driving me mad

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i know aiden is gonna try to track me down

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and they weren’t fucking lies

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i didn’t think you loved me

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you left me and abandoned me several times you can’t get pissed at me for being confused

abstract merlin May 19, 2024, 3:34 AM

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grave sinew I think it would just be better to focus on yourself for a bit and try to help y...

i can’t do that

grave sinew May 19, 2024, 3:34 AM

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abstract merlin i can’t do that

why not

abstract merlin May 19, 2024, 3:34 AM

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knowing what i’ve done

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how did i want attention from you leaving me. i dealt with shit. real fucking grooming. but you left randomly. having trauma doesn’t justify what either of us has done

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you can’t get mad at me because i felt manipulated

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if i could try again i would but is it even worth it

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the constant worry of abandonment

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is that even worth it

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don’t fucking kill yourself because of me

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you’re stronger than that

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everyone doesn’t hate you

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make them hate me

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i’ll take the fucking blame

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i want you to do better than me

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make everyone drive me mad

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axen don’t fucking listen to them

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your worth so much more

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stop letting them get to you

grave sinew May 19, 2024, 3:41 AM

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abstract merlin stop letting them get to you

I'm gonna stop reading this for a bit and let you guys talk but if you need me I'm still available to talk 🫂

abstract merlin May 19, 2024, 3:41 AM

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thank you

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but don’t do it axen

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please

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even though you will never love me again i still love you

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that’s fucked yo to say

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and raven would care

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i want to make it right i have too

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please don’t do what i did

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i need him to be better than me

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he has to be

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i loved him and i ruined him because i didn’t communicate

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i ruined so many things

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why did i not just tell him how i felt

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im too weak

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im numb rn but im worried sick

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thank god he’s okay

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i want to re explain because you are right

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i just didn’t communicate

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i didn’t tell you how i felt so you could help

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i should’ve told you how i felt

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that would’ve avoided all of this

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im just glad he’s okay

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good don’t be in a poly relationship

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your right they don’t end well

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but im mad at myself for not just telling you that i didn’t trust you

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im pissed off because i could’ve avoided all of this

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i cheated because i felt like you where gonna keep leaving and coming backs nd leaving

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i felt like a toy

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i should’ve told you that

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it wasn’t that easy

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i couldn’t say no to you

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but i also didn’t want to break his heart

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we’re past that tho

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hate me

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tear me apart

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just do it

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because if you stay i will just love you more and more

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axen

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i want you to hurt me

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that isn’t what i want why am i lying

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if i said what i actually want it wouldn’t matter

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im accepting this

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im done fighting you

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im done trying to make it right

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but if i could fix it i would

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but there’s not point

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im accepting it and giving up

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your right

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but here’s why i keep trying

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i can’t move on

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but i will try

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it doesn’t hurt to try

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axen

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i hate myself for saying this but

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i will always love you, like i promised

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but

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i can never make it up to you

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axen i know what love is

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but i don’t know how to use it

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if that makes sense

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but be honest with me

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how much did you love me

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did is in bold because it’s obvious you don’t anymore

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we both ruined each other.

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but

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i ruined you more than i ever thought i would.

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ok but you have to realize where im coming from axen

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apologies for the name dropping

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listen

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look

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your not pathetic

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i want to make this work but this is just wow

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i did what i did because you hurt me and made me think you didn’t care

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you ruined me too

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you can call me whatever you want

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but it’ll never change the fact that you broke me

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im trying to help i really am

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and i literally said it’s all my fault

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not from self pity

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because it literally is

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do you want to know how desperate i am? ask fucking lordio

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you want proof about my dad?

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that’s funny

abstract merlin May 19, 2024, 4:16 AM

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abstract merlin you want proof about my dad?

trigger warning * here him yelling at my fucking mom

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you may be hurting me, but it isn’t affecting how i feel about you

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you may be calling me all this shit but im still gonna change

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im making sure i change for the better

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im going to make sure i never do what i did to you ever again

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you called me a cheater and a liar

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i haven’t called you anything (from what i remember)

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you can say that

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but your wrong

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for you maybe

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but i would be very proud of myself for it

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because change isn’t easy

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i fucking hate you but i love you more

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believe me i don’t want to love you i want to move on

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that sounded wrong

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i meant that as i want to move on for your sake

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i don’t want aiden

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i want you. and i hate myself for that so fucking much

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good for you

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i want to love you axen but it’s obviously not going to happen for you

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im actually a bit happy h told you, i really didn’t want to reject you i physically couldn’t

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it’s not much happiness but

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im pissed at myself rn because i can’t stop loving him

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don’t trust me, that’s fine

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that’s understandable

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axen i don’t want to date

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i can’t date anyone rn

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but does that mean i don’t love you

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fuck no

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do you care

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fuck no

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do i care

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i honestly don’t know

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yk i tried being nice to you after this, i tried to encourage you to be better but at this point you can say whatever you want

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i don’t even know what to say to you anymore

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you knew that you broke me, but somehow i can’t hate you enough to leave

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it’s fucking pathetic

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im fucking pathetic

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you knew you hurt me multiple times on account of the abandonments and the random leaving

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literally last time we called i told you i was overwhelmed

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you left once?

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you’re really gonna say that?

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no you didn’t

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you went on ur alt both times

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either way it still hurt when you left even though the time of you leaving everything was ok

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look im going to change, im going to get better im going to be a better person i refuse to end up like my father.

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i still want to talk again in a year or long months nothing less than 5 try again but at this point i don’t know it hurts and it’s all my fault

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i take full responsibility

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fuck i want to just restart everything and go back to last December

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and make sure i don’t move as fast as i did and that i never met aiden or joined that gc

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i can’t move on but it won’t hurt to try

abstract merlin May 19, 2024, 4:39 AM

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abstract merlin i still want to talk again in a year or long months nothing less than 5 try aga...

i don’t think we will do this i don’t even know if it’s worth it

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yeah it’s not happeneing

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i can restart it’ll end up great

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i will change

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i got this

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i fucking got this

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i can change

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and i will

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i don’t care what happens

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im better than this

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we don’t know that axen, but hey

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it’ll end up alright

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maybe in the future we can try again

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it’s just not happening rn

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but hey

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i promise im going to change

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myself

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i need to learn how to resist

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what?

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okay, but like i said multiple times i need a break

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idk and idc if we stay in contact

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i might be dry idk

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off topic but i wanna be a streamer

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but shameless is such a good show sob

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here’s some clips if anyone wants them

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im calm rn

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here’s what im gonna do

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im gonna continues my passion as a artist, and focus on fixing my mental health. i also might start streaming

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oh god the blood bunny and rabbit channel

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okay hm

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maybe, just maybe if we do date again once im stable, we can talk about it

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otherwise for now it doesn’t really matter

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axen if you see this im gonna change, everything will be alright. i promise ill change

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back to being motivated

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first thing i need to figure out is my anger

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after, i could explore my mood swings and try to take control of them

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after that my schizophrenia

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that’s a bad one

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after maybe depression

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i need to stand up for myself more too

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please stay calm

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moving on

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after i think i will be a better person

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i want to comfort axen but

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i think i got my hopes too high

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im scared that he’ll find someone else before i can show him that im@better

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im sleepy

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i feel so bad

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i promise i’ll get better for you, i promise

abstract merlin May 19, 2024, 5:52 AM

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im bit happy and calm

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i was just trying to help

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i appreciate that he let me help even though it wasn’t long

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i feel terrible but if i change maybe just maybe i can show that i love him

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i don’t like how he talks about himself it’s not true at all but

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i will respect his space

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i’m very sleepy

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and i know he won’t believe me but i do love him i just can’t show it right now + i don’t even love myself

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i love him so much but i simply can’t date anyone until i fix myself

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let’s change the topic

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or at least attempt tooo

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i made a new friend today

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it’s a child, so i guess im their virtual mother 🧍🏽‍♀️

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but they are adorable

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i have never met anyone so innocent and so trusting, she is just so fragile i can’t even curse infront of her

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im gonna cry but im not super depressed

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i am just sad

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i feel peaceful, but also stressed

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im very tired

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i found out that im very passionate about cars and motorcycles

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i am worried about axen but i wont reach out

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im trying to become someone that people can trust, one of my friends are inspiring me rn

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i feel good, i feel like im doing the right thing. but my concern is growing stronger

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looking back in this journal, im so glad to see the feedback this idea has gotten

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it makes me so happy to see that people also take in comfort of writing about their issues

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i just laughed at one of axens jokes, i feel weird now

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im thinking is positive things i’m gonna cry but not in a bad way

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i don’t know what to do

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please let me comfort you i really want too

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that sounds disrespectful

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i apologize if that was disrespectful

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he doesn’t have too but

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i would love to comfort him

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IM@SORRY BUT I FOUND ONE OF MY CHILDHOOD ANIMATORS

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im still worried

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what do you mean?

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i want to get better for you, that’s all i want

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i am trying to respect your space

abstract merlin May 19, 2024, 7:04 AM

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very confused

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i think i might sleep in stressed and tired

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idk

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i think i helped him

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im happy about that

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i have a headache

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im going to sleep, idk how i feel rn

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my love for him is still standing tho..

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fuck

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im an idiot

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im speechless i feel numb

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i feel like something snapped

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i had a whole plan

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a backed up through plan

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my headache got worse

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im losing hope im at the lowest and i am speechless

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i feel shattered

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im just ginna sleep it off

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goodbye

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can’t sleep

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i lost all motivation

abstract merlin May 19, 2024, 3:52 PM

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i did not want to wake up but

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i had forgotten that i existed again

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as soon as i woke up i instantly felt pain

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i keep forgetting what happened but then it just crashes on me

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im thinking about quitting everything but i most likely won’t

abstract merlin May 19, 2024, 4:38 PM

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i won’t

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i just vented to a friend

abstract merlin May 19, 2024, 5:42 PM

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scared to talk to him

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sigh

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it just

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it feels wrong to text him everytime i do my heart stops

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i need to calm down or im gonna hyperventilate

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i calmed down a bit but im numb

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everytime i breathe i get this shiver

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it’s hard to breathe rn

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idk what to say

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i’ll be fine

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thought i was a good idea but

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hm

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im just gonna miss his comfort and the way he loved me

abstract merlin May 19, 2024, 6:43 PM

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im extremely overwhelmed rn

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im gonna stop whining about it i need a break from it

abstract merlin May 19, 2024, 7:22 PM

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im researching on how to be a better partner, because i have to be i can’t make this mistake again

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im trying really hard to change

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i want to change

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i don’t think he understands that if we’re not dating, all that pain just comes to me and the stress overwhelms me

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but knowing he’d give me another chance brings motivation and comfort but

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sadly he doesn’t want that

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i think he hates me but that’s alright

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i want to prove them both wrong about how i won’t be enough

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i want to change

#

and i will

#

that’s not what i meant

#

it’s hard to explain how i feel right now

#

i keep trying to fix it and fix it but when it’s just me trying, it’s gets us no where

#

i want a break from it, i need to think

#

im going to change, and no one is stopping me

#

hm?

#

oh no your wrong

#

you’re so wrong

#

i don’t understand how you say you want me to change but then you say these things

#

say it

#

cause im going to change anyway

#

this is completely different

#

because i was ignorant

#

i was hesitant

#

im not hesitant and im already working on it

#

why are you being so fucking rude when all i have done to you today was be respectful

#

like deadass

#

i have respected your space

#

i have respect and listened to you

#

i deadass thought we were perfect but i never saw this side of you before

#

i have been respectful

#

all im asking for rn is space to think

#

what about everything you fucking done?

#

take responsibility for what you’ve done because your no jesus christ

#

you fucked up many times

#

and everytime i forgave you cause i respect you

#

give me a reason why i should believe you

#

not a reason

#

did you forget your episodes?

#

i couldn’t do anything about them

#

you kept threatening to leave

#

over and fucking over

#

you keep talking about how much stress you where in

#

think about how stressed i fucking was

#

when you kept having episodes last year

#

in april

#

how do i know those episodes where real?

#

how do i know anything you told me wasn’t a cover up cause you felt bad?

#

you provided no evidence as well, you also betrayed my trust on account of your random leavings

#

you keep talking about how much i broke you but probably you never once thought about the reason why i felt like i did

#

i actually still fucking care i wanted to comfort you all day yesterday and i did and i respected that it didn’t help

#

i still fucking care axen

#

i wanted comfort too but i didn’t ask for it because you didn’t want to speak to me

#

im just gonna continue eating

#

i need a break man im getting worked up over it

#

that’s what he wants isn’t it

#

i’ll check his journal later but rn i need a break

#

im too tired

#

it does look great ngl but

#

OK STOP LOOKING

#

save me!!!!

#

the demons!!!!

#

im so tired i cant even make a joke

#

OMG MY EX FRIEND MADE THAT

#

NO

#

NOPE

#

BYE

#

STOP

#

my animal crossing phase is coming back

#

sigh

#

i wanna work on something big

#

not sure what but

#

i think i have wasted potential

#

time to learn animation!!!!!!

#

be_tbhcreaturesad

#

i haven’t animated in a year

#

omg

#

distracting myself core!!!!

#

be_teeheehappy

#

waluigi

#

ok stop

#

i can’t this is so bad

#

im trying to be HAPPY but i cant chat

#

the depresso expresso is taking over me!!!!!

#

i can’t with brain rot

#

i am trying to make my venting funny but like 😭

#

this friend group is my only hope for sanity chat 🙏🏽

#

i feel calm now

#

weird 😭

#

i kinda missed how happy and energetic i used to be, i was shy but i still was a good kid

#

sigh

#

im gonna be better chat

#

it’s gonna be good

#

oh damn

#

that.

#

it kinda hurt but

#

anyway!

#

small ahh tablet 🙏🏽🙏🏽

#

silly ahh

#

omg my hand looks big

#

sighh

#

i might restart my island

#

on acnh

#

i made a gc active yippie!!

#

WHAT IS THIS

#

STOP

#

im still a bit sad but its gonna be alright

#

this gc bro

#

ignore the pfp change lmfao

#

i love the characters i don’t know where to find them tho

#

i am worried that axen thinks i will find someone else

#

my friend ryry is really nice to me

#

im grateful for that

#

idk what he wants

#

im actually super confused

#

idk what he wants

#

i said i would do that but he won’t except so im kinda confused now

#

here’s clips i collected from a stupid video

#

here’s the full vid if anyone wants it

abstract merlin May 19, 2024, 10:13 PM

#

uhm

#

jealousy bruv omg please

#

i don’t want jealousy why

#

we’re not even dating

#

why am i jealous

#

kill me

#

fucking kill me

#

just ignore him

#

im gonna take a shower

#

i hope axen ends up happy ig

#

i feel better

#

im bored as hell tho

abstract merlin May 19, 2024, 10:54 PM

#

i feel decent

#

just drained

#

i was about to ask if he wanted to play but i forgot what happened

#

rip

#

im gonna play vr with my best friend :D

#

i wish i could play wit him

#

i really want too

#

sigh.

#

heart ache

#

..

#

resisting the urge of throwing my phone across the room

#

mood swing

#

FUCK DUDE I CANT DO THIS SHIT

abstract merlin May 19, 2024, 11:53 PM

#

sigh

#

im just gonna get back in vr

#

i miss you too

abstract merlin May 20, 2024, 12:27 AM

#

i just want him to love me

abstract merlin May 20, 2024, 12:48 AM

#

learning norwegian for a friend

#

they are more comfy speaking it then english

#

i haven’t failed once 😎

#

i can’t do this

#

please don’t sh im so close

abstract merlin May 20, 2024, 1:16 AM

#

i lost words

#

what did i fucking do to him i just spoke

#

i recorded it all too, just in case he did something

#

doodles from our last time playing vrchat

#

i was scared axen

#

i was fucking scared

#

i don’t know what to do anymore

#

you don’t have to play with me

#

but i recorded because i got scared

#

i miss how it used to be i miss how i use to be

#

don’t fucking do this man

#

wait

#

i just realized something

#

this is

#

why do i miss him

#

why do i miss his love

#

im fucking pathetic

#

my heart is breaking and i want to beg for him to come back but i cant

#

i can’t do that

#

im so

#

confused

#

my heart wants him but

#

i miss him so much

#

i want to beg him to be mine again

#

but he’s so mad at me

#

please just be mine again.

#

i understand

#

how can i show that?

#

taylor why did u have to react with 🤫

#

☹️

#

im supposed to be sad

grave sinew May 20, 2024, 1:59 AM

#

im sorry 😭

abstract merlin May 20, 2024, 2:00 AM

#

im gonna find you

grave sinew May 20, 2024, 2:00 AM

#

😨

abstract merlin May 20, 2024, 2:01 AM

#

okay axen

abstract merlin May 20, 2024, 2:01 AM

#

grave sinew 😨

touches you!!!

grave sinew May 20, 2024, 2:01 AM

#

abstract merlin touches you!!!

thats crazy 😭

abstract merlin May 20, 2024, 2:01 AM

#

grave sinew thats crazy 😭

w rizz

#

i don’t believe in consent (JOKE)

grave sinew May 20, 2024, 2:02 AM

#

abstract merlin i don’t believe in consent (JOKE)

HELP 😭

#

im laying in my bed trying not to laugh to loud bc my dad is in the room right next tl me 😭😭

abstract merlin May 20, 2024, 2:02 AM

#

omg real

#

my dad is so loud when he sleeps

#

ONG I REMEMBERED IM GOING TO DISNEY :D

grave sinew May 20, 2024, 2:03 AM

#

abstract merlin my dad is so loud when he sleeps

my dad snores a lot and then denies it when he wakes up 😭

grave sinew May 20, 2024, 2:03 AM

#

abstract merlin ONG I REMEMBERED IM GOING TO DISNEY :D

HUZZAH

abstract merlin May 20, 2024, 2:03 AM

#

grave sinew my dad snores a lot and then denies it when he wakes up 😭

dude my dad gasps for air like u good lil bro 😭🙏🏽🙏🏽

grave sinew May 20, 2024, 2:04 AM

#

abstract merlin dude my dad gasps for air like u good lil bro 😭🙏🏽🙏🏽

HAHAH

abstract merlin May 20, 2024, 2:04 AM

#

omfg i can’t sleep when he is like that

#

i would talk to you axen but..

#

scared

#

may i speak to you axen?

#

proud of this one

grave sinew May 20, 2024, 2:11 AM

#

abstract merlin proud of this one

i like the hair

abstract merlin May 20, 2024, 2:12 AM

#

grave sinew i like the hair

thank uuu!

grave sinew May 20, 2024, 2:12 AM

#

abstract merlin thank uuu!

yww

abstract merlin May 20, 2024, 2:12 AM

#

my friend peter :3

grave sinew May 20, 2024, 2:13 AM

#

abstract merlin my friend peter :3

petarded is crazy 😭

abstract merlin May 20, 2024, 2:14 AM

#

he is a bit special

#

i think he’s in this server

#

@autumn mirage hiii peter!

autumn mirage May 20, 2024, 2:18 AM

#

Hiiiiiiii!!!!

grave sinew May 20, 2024, 2:19 AM

#

i have my Spanish final tomorrow morning im so cooked

abstract merlin May 20, 2024, 2:19 AM

#

omg

#

i have to learn spanish or french to graduate

grave sinew May 20, 2024, 2:19 AM

#

same 😭

abstract merlin May 20, 2024, 2:19 AM

#

im gonna get fried

autumn mirage May 20, 2024, 2:19 AM

#

abstract merlin my friend peter :3

I can Almost hear the image

#

"Heihei"

abstract merlin May 20, 2024, 2:19 AM

#

shut

#

this man has been saying “my name is ryan dingy and i brought apple juice!!!” for like 3 days

autumn mirage May 20, 2024, 2:20 AM

#

My name is binga dinga burger!!

grave sinew May 20, 2024, 2:20 AM

#

abstract merlin im gonna get fried

im not too bad at reading it but i suck at listening and translating it or saying stuff in Spanish

abstract merlin May 20, 2024, 2:20 AM

#

autumn mirage My name is binga dinga burger!!

SHUT UP

abstract merlin May 20, 2024, 2:20 AM

#

grave sinew im not too bad at reading it but i suck at listening and translating it or sayin...

relatable

autumn mirage May 20, 2024, 2:20 AM

#

abstract merlin SHUT UP

NUH UH

grave sinew May 20, 2024, 2:20 AM

#

Tomorrow is the speaking part of my final idk when the writing part js

#

it took me three tries to spell when 😭

abstract merlin May 20, 2024, 2:21 AM

#

omg

grave sinew May 20, 2024, 2:21 AM

#

im cooked 😭🙏

abstract merlin May 20, 2024, 2:22 AM

#

im learning norwegian for peter rn he’s more comfy speaking it

autumn mirage May 20, 2024, 2:22 AM

#

🥊🦖

#

Mike tyson dinosaur

abstract merlin May 20, 2024, 2:22 AM

#

why.

autumn mirage May 20, 2024, 2:22 AM

#

abstract merlin im learning norwegian for peter rn he’s more comfy speaking it

YAY

abstract merlin May 20, 2024, 2:22 AM

#

autumn mirage YAY

YIP!!!

#

dms btw

#

i need to finish this

grave sinew May 20, 2024, 2:24 AM

#

im gonna go to sleep so i can hopefully not fail tomorrow 😭

grave sinew May 20, 2024, 2:24 AM

#

abstract merlin i need to finish this

it looks awesome so far !

abstract merlin May 20, 2024, 2:24 AM

#

thank you!

abstract merlin May 20, 2024, 2:24 AM

#

grave sinew im gonna go to sleep so i can hopefully not fail tomorrow 😭

good night!!

#

PETER LEAVE

#

ur not sigma enough!!!!

grave sinew May 20, 2024, 2:25 AM

#

abstract merlin good night!!

good night

autumn mirage May 20, 2024, 2:25 AM

#

abstract merlin ur not sigma enough!!!!

Too far

#

Blocked

grave sinew May 20, 2024, 2:25 AM

#

abstract merlin ur not sigma enough!!!!

😭

abstract merlin May 20, 2024, 2:25 AM

#

NOOOOOO

#

and pain again

#

sigh

autumn mirage May 20, 2024, 2:26 AM

#

APRIL FOOLS

abstract merlin May 20, 2024, 2:26 AM

#

fuck dude

#

im gonna be alright

#

BUT LEAVE PETER

autumn mirage May 20, 2024, 2:27 AM

#

i thought i got invited😔

abstract merlin May 20, 2024, 2:27 AM

#

OMG IM GONNA CHOKE YOU

autumn mirage May 20, 2024, 2:27 AM

#

Byee

abstract merlin May 20, 2024, 2:27 AM

#

no :(

autumn mirage May 20, 2024, 2:27 AM

#

U SAID I HAD TO LEAVE🥊🦖

abstract merlin May 20, 2024, 2:28 AM

#

I MEANT TEMPORARILY

autumn mirage May 20, 2024, 2:28 AM

#

HOW LONG

abstract merlin May 20, 2024, 2:28 AM

#

UNTIL TOMORROW

autumn mirage May 20, 2024, 2:28 AM

#

AWHHH

abstract merlin May 20, 2024, 2:29 AM

#

idk what i did but

#

i’ll take it

autumn mirage May 20, 2024, 2:29 AM

#

Can i say 1 thing before i go

abstract merlin May 20, 2024, 2:29 AM

#

what petarded?

autumn mirage May 20, 2024, 2:30 AM

#

Mike tyson dinosaur

#

🥊🦖

abstract merlin May 20, 2024, 2:30 AM

#

bro im gonna punch you

autumn mirage May 20, 2024, 2:30 AM

#

BYEEE!!!!

abstract merlin May 20, 2024, 2:30 AM

#

GRRRRRRR

autumn mirage May 20, 2024, 2:30 AM

#

🥊🦖

abstract merlin May 20, 2024, 2:34 AM

#

im@jot happy axen

#

and you can make me happy dummy

abstract merlin May 20, 2024, 12:01 PM

#

im tired

#

and anxious

#

i miss the gc

abstract merlin May 20, 2024, 2:42 PM

#

i don’t feel good

abstract merlin May 20, 2024, 4:13 PM

#

im crying pn call but i dont think axens noticing which is good

#

im in alot of pain mentally

#

im trying not to cry loud enough to where my dad hears it

#

i have to have my door open

#

im fucking tired

#

all i feel is regret and grief

#

i want to scream and cry but i have to work

#

i keep getting reminded

#

it hurts

#

i dont wanna be that person anymore

chilly island May 20, 2024, 4:19 PM

#

I knew you was crying but I was scared for you to get yelled at :<

#

Try to get everything done okay?

abstract merlin May 20, 2024, 4:20 PM

#

it has to be 2 hours

#

or more

#

i cant stop evenif i finifhs everything

#

im just regretfu;

chilly island May 20, 2024, 4:22 PM

#

If you want to you can tell me about it later okay

abstract merlin May 20, 2024, 4:22 PM

#

idk im just overwhemled

#

my dads just

#

hes just an asshole

#

he accuses me of so much

chilly island May 20, 2024, 4:27 PM

#

Just know im here to listen to you

abstract merlin May 20, 2024, 4:27 PM

#

why

chilly island May 20, 2024, 4:29 PM

#

Because I love you

abstract merlin May 20, 2024, 4:30 PM

#

i wasnt talking about that]

#

why is my dad so mean to me

chilly island May 20, 2024, 4:31 PM

#

Oh my apologies

#

But Im don’t know why he’s like that

#

I just hope everything turn out okay

abstract merlin May 20, 2024, 4:31 PM

#

it wont

#

it never will

chilly island May 20, 2024, 4:54 PM

#

@abstract merlin Add me back I accidentally unfriended you while looking at your status

abstract merlin May 20, 2024, 5:10 PM

#

STOP IT RN

abstract merlin May 20, 2024, 7:57 PM

#

got into a fight with my dad cause hes entitled

abstract merlin May 20, 2024, 10:47 PM

#

strawberry

abstract merlin May 20, 2024, 11:59 PM

#

i just found someone from shameless and HOLY

abstract merlin May 21, 2024, 1:50 AM

#

im stressed

#

i miss the gc i miss the fun i had

abstract merlin May 21, 2024, 2:29 AM

#

i can’t im a tualky so hurt

abstract merlin May 21, 2024, 6:08 AM

#

contrasted my phone a bit

abstract merlin May 21, 2024, 8:29 PM

#

im just tired

abstract merlin May 21, 2024, 11:29 PM

#

im getting a new phone tomorrow :D

abstract merlin May 22, 2024, 12:24 AM

#

i have a headache

abstract merlin May 22, 2024, 8:23 PM

#

i have a headache from stress

abstract merlin May 23, 2024, 12:20 AM

#

me :3

abstract merlin May 23, 2024, 1:32 AM

#

so someone might break into my house

abstract merlin May 23, 2024, 7:21 AM

#

im sobbing hard and scared of a cockroach

chilly island May 23, 2024, 7:25 AM

#

abstract merlin im sobbing hard and scared of a cockroach

It’s just a cockroach baby

#

It’s not gonna harm you

abstract merlin May 23, 2024, 7:26 AM

#

i fucking hate myself

#

sorry if i hurt you.

exotic cairn May 23, 2024, 2:56 PM

#

abstract merlin i still love him

i still love her

abstract merlin May 26, 2024, 12:26 AM

#

im getting accused again

#

idk what to say anymore

#

i want to cry he just scares me

#

my stomach is sinked in

#

i feel attacked not sure why

abstract merlin May 26, 2024, 3:25 AM

#

im so sorry

#

please forgive me

abstract merlin May 26, 2024, 6:18 AM

#

murder drones is so good

abstract merlin May 27, 2024, 2:50 PM

#

im sorry

abstract merlin May 27, 2024, 3:34 PM

#

i feel sick rn

abstract merlin May 27, 2024, 4:00 PM

#

im gonna try to sleep

abstract merlin May 28, 2024, 6:04 AM

#

i wanted time to move on

abstract merlin May 28, 2024, 7:00 AM

#

i feel so much guilt im holding in tears

abstract merlin May 28, 2024, 7:16 AM

#

i feel pissed and numb rn

#

idk why

#

i put this weird voice on

#

not sure why

#

i want to tear things apart but im not going to

#

im gonna sleep

#

maybe thatll help

#

but if he tries to argue im just gonna ignore hi,m

#

axen

#

please dont try this

chilly island May 28, 2024, 7:19 AM

#

this is only time im gonna talk in here im don’t want anything with you atm I don’t want to argue i just want to be alone

abstract merlin May 28, 2024, 7:20 AM

#

ok

chilly island May 28, 2024, 7:20 AM

#

this is to much for my sainity and mental health

abstract merlin May 28, 2024, 7:20 AM

#

relatable

chilly island May 28, 2024, 7:20 AM

#

goodbye then

abstract merlin May 28, 2024, 7:21 AM

#

goodbye i suppose

chilly island May 28, 2024, 7:21 AM

#

even though everything happend I hope you have a nice life

abstract merlin May 28, 2024, 7:21 AM

#

and unfortantely i will never move on from it!

#

:D

chilly island May 28, 2024, 7:22 AM

#

i just wish it didn’t happen on my bd

abstract merlin May 28, 2024, 7:22 AM

#

ik

#

and here comes the memories

#

why am i like this? idk! i want to get better but he was right i cant!

#

it feels weird not falling asleep to his fucking voice

#

god fucking damn it

#

fuck my fucking life fuck everything

#

i feel angry i feel numb idk

#

i fucking hate myself

#

why am i like this

#

im driving myself mad

#

those pictures broke me

#

i am now shattered

#

i froze for a. bit and stared

#

i wanted to love him

#

i needed to love him

#

i loved him

#

i don’t know if i should talk to him

#

everything is pissing me off

#

the mood swings go crazy

#

goodnight

abstract merlin May 28, 2024, 1:21 PM

#

good morning

#

i slept really good but then i remembered so

#

i miss him

#

im scared but

abstract merlin May 28, 2024, 1:45 PM

#

maybe it’ll be ok

#

just maybe

#

im coughing like crazy and i am gonna throw up

abstract merlin May 28, 2024, 2:45 PM

#

with him in it or something about him

#

i literally just saw all of it and stared in pain

#

a video made me laugh

abstract merlin May 28, 2024, 3:27 PM

#

i just miss him

#

sigh

abstract merlin May 28, 2024, 6:11 PM

#

i keep napping to forget

abstract merlin May 28, 2024, 7:05 PM

#

forget

#

that seemed rude of me to say but i genuinely am so tired and way to nervous

#

heard his voice, now im in pain

#

im trying to wake up a bit

abstract merlin May 28, 2024, 7:31 PM

#

my friends bf did a face reveal, he looks nice

#

this bitch traumatized me yesterday night 😭

#

emotions by smileysqueak is good imo

abstract merlin May 28, 2024, 7:58 PM

#

my friend got jumped, i feel so bad

#

he’s ok luckily but he’s really hurt

#

lol 😭

abstract merlin May 28, 2024, 8:57 PM

#

sigh

#

im tired

#

im not this

#

😭

#

im not really affected i still feel numb

#

congratulations, you ruined a part of my day

#

just a part

abstract merlin May 28, 2024, 10:07 PM

#

i dont feel good rn

#

ill be fine

#

but i feel nausious

abstract merlin May 28, 2024, 10:26 PM

#

this gc is helping alot 😭

#

im so grateful that i met this gc

#

they are the fucking best

#

(the names are satire btw)

#

i dont really feel sick anymore

#

just tired

#

im researching 9/11 rn

#

that sounded weird

#

i think i inspired someone again :D

#

i feel pretty decent

#

im not the best but not the worst

abstract merlin May 28, 2024, 10:43 PM

#

abstract merlin im researching 9/11 rn

hearing the raw emotion in the bystanders voices and seeing the planes crash with the loud noise is depressing.

abstract merlin May 28, 2024, 11:26 PM

#

im doing decent still, nothing special happened

#

im showing my friend a game called the finals

#

were losing :sob

#

😭

#

we got off

#

im gonna play gtag cuase fun

abstract merlin May 29, 2024, 12:17 AM

#

i am off

#

comp hunt sucks

abstract merlin May 29, 2024, 12:46 AM

#

im a bit alone but its alright

#

it doesnt really bother me

#

hes in my head again

#

im trying to ignore it

abstract merlin May 29, 2024, 1:02 AM

#

abstract merlin hearing the raw emotion in the bystanders voices and seeing the planes crash wit...

rewatching the clips i dont hfeel anything rn but]

abstract merlin May 29, 2024, 1:59 AM

#

i watched the last episode of murder drones im so happy tessa diedd

abstract merlin May 29, 2024, 3:57 AM

#

ig hes mad cause im playing vrchat..?

abstract merlin May 29, 2024, 5:00 AM

#

piece of my hair fell out

#

other than that im doing good

#

im sleepy night night

abstract merlin May 29, 2024, 6:19 AM

#

sigh is this how my life is gonna be

abstract merlin May 29, 2024, 6:36 AM

#

shaded the string

#

super proud of it for some reason

abstract merlin May 29, 2024, 7:22 AM

#

i love people sometimes 😭💜

abstract merlin May 29, 2024, 7:44 AM

#

idk what to name him

#

this legit took me 2 hours

#

it was supposed to be a doodle

abstract merlin May 29, 2024, 8:36 AM

#

good night

hollow saddle May 29, 2024, 8:50 AM

#

gn

abstract merlin May 29, 2024, 3:26 PM

#

skibidi

#

lighting and shading

#

sigh

#

im getting lonrly

#

lonely

#

fuck

#

i miss him

abstract merlin May 29, 2024, 3:57 PM

#

here he is

abstract merlin May 29, 2024, 4:48 PM

#

pinkshift is such a good band imo

#

extremely underrated

abstract merlin May 29, 2024, 5:19 PM

#

yayayayayayaay

#

leave my head please

abstract merlin May 29, 2024, 6:09 PM

#

honestly im hurt

#

i’ll survive tho

#

i keep imagining him with someone else and it hurts

abstract merlin May 29, 2024, 6:46 PM

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im pissed off rn

abstract merlin May 29, 2024, 7:55 PM

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he’s with someone else i know he is

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sigh

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what am i supposed to research tho

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im just drained from it

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i was already partly emotionless before

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i genuinely don’t care anymore

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idk if im supposed too

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im gonna try to enjoy my day

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if that’s an issue then womp womp

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cause i am not gonna waste my time mopping around being depressed

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i don’t care about anything rn the accusations don’t affect me at all

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sigh

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it’s just exhausting

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i feel trapped but i know he’s gonna get mad thinking it’s about him

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when it’s really not ReactionSigh

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i feel like something just snapped

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I SOUND EMO STOP.

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ok but i think i forgot to post these

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imo the 2nd is the best i’ll fix the other later

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but honestly i’m doing fine actually it’s just the memories that are bothering me

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nooo

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WHAT

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I WS STRYING TO SAY BOOP

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autocorrect sigh

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im completely ignoring what he’s saying for my sake 😼

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super sigma! thumbsup

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ion know how long it’ll be before i get curious and look again

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im@just making jokes…?

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sigh

#Journal of my life!