🌈lgbtq

[pure oxide]

My mom's a narcissist!

[shrewd wasp]

ain't that grand !

[fallow whale]

My dad was diagnosed as a narcissistic sociopath lol

[wintry monolith]

commiserating fistbump

[hidden inlet]

Honestly, my mom's mom was a narcisist and her dad was a zealous Nazi soldier, so...

[pure oxide]

My mom's never been diagnosed but all of the signs are there.

[hidden inlet]

...She did well with the hand she was dealt, is all I'm saying. 😂

[pure oxide]

And I've got the C-PTSD to prove it.

[shrewd wasp]

let's not even get started in the mental issues that plague my mum's family...

[fallow whale]

Cool parent facts all around lol

[shrewd wasp]

I'm so sorry Shlee ❤️

[pure oxide]

It's all good. Like...you deal, you know? Can't pick your parents

[shrewd wasp]

my mum died when I was too little to remember her so I have no idea what she was like

[pure oxide]

I'm so sorry to hear that.

[fallow whale]

I'm planning on cutting contact at least

[shrewd wasp]

thank you ❤️

[pure oxide]

-hugs-

[shrewd wasp]

it's ok it's been over 20 years

[wintry monolith]

hugs for everyone that wants em

[shrewd wasp]

you do whatever's healthiest for you Mags

happily receives all the hugs

[fallow whale]

I mean I gotta before some shit changes I can't hide lol

[hidden inlet]

We stan becoming who you truly are under every circumstance.

That's badass.

[fallow whale]

I'm grateful my default features are fairly androgynous, I'd be miserable otherwise

[pure oxide]

Unless it means compromising your safety in which case prioritize that first

[fallow whale]

Although my family will probably try force me to cut my hair if they see me in person now

[shrewd wasp]

eh screw them

it's your skull you do whatever you bloody please with it

if you want rapunzel hair length go for it

[fallow whale]

I had to have it so short when I was a kid lol

[pure oxide]

Oooor, alternatively, they could eat an entire bag of dicks.

[hidden inlet]

Style your shit and make your mom jealous. kappa

[shrewd wasp]

...I'll just warn that's gonna cost you a LOT in shampoo 🤣

[fallow whale]

My wavy hair isn't even good short

[shrewd wasp]

oh I love a magnificent wavy/curly mane

[hidden inlet]

Oh my God, cutting wavy hair would be an attrocity.

[fallow whale]

Can't stay combed

[shrewd wasp]

my hair's the only straight thing about me 😂

[pure oxide]

My hair curly. I hate it. It's constantly up in a ponytail or messy bun because no.

[shrewd wasp]

gib

[fallow whale]

Mine is more wavy then my pfp lol

[rose ice]

Unless they cut it themselves which could be considered assault a hairstylist cannot cut your hair without consent I'm pretty sure

[shrewd wasp]

I want curly hair I can make victory rolls with without tearing half of it out in frustration

[rose ice]

I want curly hair so bad haha

[fallow whale]

I wouldn't put the idea past my oaf stepfather lol

[shrewd wasp]

stab him with the scissors

[rose ice]

I got a perm and it didn't stay unfortunately

Threaten that you'll go to the police then

[shrewd wasp]

https://tenor.com/oGCs.gif

[fallow whale]

He'd probably just throw me against the wall again lol

[shrewd wasp]

okaayyy definitely cutting any and all contact then

yup I like that plan let's do that

[hidden inlet]

https://tenor.com/view/peter-griffin-meg-griffin-i-just-wanna-talk-to-him-put-that-gun-away-family-guy-gif-14677957

[fallow whale]

My favourite moment with him was the time he overheard me saying that I wouldn't go to his funeral to a friend

[shrewd wasp]

tell em you wanna cut something ? How bout this conversation short

[inland bronze]

I decided to try growing my hair out since pandemic and all that and I have only one thing to say. How the hell can any person dedicate so much dang time to hair!!! When I had it short it was just in the Shower, tiny bit of shampoo in the palm then rub rub rub and done. Now I have to decide how much time I'm gonna spend washing my hair!

[shrewd wasp]

dude washing my hair is a fucking day long event

[hidden inlet]

Because it's beautiful. Fight me.

[fallow whale]

Lol

[inland bronze]

Gotten to the point where it's like hey you wanna go hang out tonight?

Naw thanks but I gotta go home and wash my hair.

Lol

[wintry monolith]

Oh my god. I'm cackling. 10/10.

[shrewd wasp]

I have to brush, wet, shampoo, rinse, condition, keep conditioner in for 1-2 minutes, rinse, gently pat dry, brush again, put hydrating lotion on.

and then brush again for good measure

[fallow whale]

My gf and her family despise my family lol

[shrewd wasp]

it's true though, I'm all curves 🤣

[hidden inlet]

We love a stepfamily that validates the thought that the birth family is toxic when they are.

[shrewd wasp]

even my nose is crooked

[fallow whale]

Is 7am a good bed time

[shrewd wasp]

well

[hidden inlet]

um.

[shrewd wasp]

depends xD

[fallow whale]

I was on edge for hours lol

[inland bronze]

It's night time somewhere.

[shrewd wasp]

oh hun 🫂

[hidden inlet]

Depends on whether you're waking up.

[fallow whale]

?

[shrewd wasp]

just support, I'm sorry you were feeling on edge

[fallow whale]

Mostly the discord drama

[hidden inlet]

For what it's worth, you did a great thing and you deserve some rest. 🙂

[shrewd wasp]

drama ? I missed drama ? where ?

[timid bane]

either I'm blessed with relatively low-maintenance long hair or I'm doing something wrong... I just shampoo, rinse, repeat, conditioner in, conditioner out, gently squeeze, towel-dry, brush, and let it air-dry... for the rest of the day, brushing a few more times as needed... okay maybe there is some significant maintenance there now that I type it out

[shrewd wasp]

I'll strangle it

[hidden inlet]

I mean, drama is putting it lightly, really.

[fallow whale]

It was yucky stuff

My own shadow Moses operation

[shrewd wasp]

"It's simple I just follow this 47 step process"

[hidden inlet]

I tend to just use shampoo and conditioner for my hair.

Got a brush for when I feel like impressing people.

[shrewd wasp]

I used to as well but they were still dry, so now I use a mask

[pure oxide]

Y'all brushing your hair dry

[shrewd wasp]

or however you call it in english

[timid bane]

I'm at the point where I don't think about the steps, it's all under the "shower" routine umbrella other than the post-towel brushies

[pure oxide]

HEATHENS

[fallow whale]

My hair can't be tamed

[pure oxide]

Like a leave-in conditioner, Vix?

[shrewd wasp]

if I don't Shlee I'll get dread locks xD

yeah sort of

it's like a cream for my hair

[inland bronze]

.> I just put it in a man bun and say the universe will figure it out.

[shrewd wasp]

I put it on the ends

[high bloom]

This is why I just straight shaved my head over pandemic. Best decision I ever made.

[fallow whale]

I use a leave in hair food thing

[shrewd wasp]

fair enough Kay haha

[pure oxide]

Yeah. Well there's leave-in conditioner that you put on when your hair is still wet and it stays in.

[shrewd wasp]

yeah that's why I have

[hidden inlet]

God, I saw a women with hair long enough that she managed to wear it in a sock bun.

The fold is insane.

[pure oxide]

There's also deep conditioning masks but those you normally put in before the shower, leave on for like 10-30 minutes, then rinse out and wash your hair.

[rustic drum]

My hair can be low maintenance, but I'm trying to retrain it to be wavy like it was meant to be 😭 an uphill battle

[pure oxide]

Then there's styling stuff like pomade, wax, gel, mousse...

[inland bronze]

At that point you might as well go full rapunzel braid.

[shrewd wasp]

I mean I can tie my hair in a knot and still have the end reach my shoulders xD

[timid bane]

I use a rinse-out conditioner, but yeah it does help that my hair is mostly straight, cowlicks aside....

[pure oxide]

If anyone with remotely wavy hair wants tips and tricks about it

As a curly girl... I got u

[fallow whale]

Oh no my gf has rolled into My zone

[rustic drum]

Halp

[shrewd wasp]

sup Happy ?

[hidden inlet]

...You got a basic run-down for what's better?

Would like to take good care of my hair until I can go to a barber again.

[timid bane]

I kinda don't want to cut my hair bc the sheer weight of it is the only thing forcing it to behave

[shrewd wasp]

I just like it long xD

it's taken me 13 years to get there and I ain't cutting it damn it

[rustic drum]

I'm supposed to have filipino wavy hair, but my mom acted like my hair was straight and so that's how i was taught to maintain it 😭 i didn't even realize I HAD wavy hair until someone pointed it out to me

[hidden inlet]

I love it long. I don't know if it's a natural instinct to cover my face or if I just love lon-

[rustic drum]

Just my hair woes lolol

[shrewd wasp]

hey that's a valid problem xD

[pure oxide]

y'all forced me out of my depression bed so I could type on a computer, so let's go

[timid bane]

though I did start growing my bangs out when the plague hit.... made a promise last year I'd start maintaining bangs again when things settled down again, so of course they're down to chin-length now

[hidden inlet]

That reminds me actually. I'd love the perspective of you lot on something weird that happened.

[inland bronze]

My mom used to have hair to her ankles. Apparently when it got wet it became heavy enough to be used for self defence

[timid bane]

let's go Shlee

[shrewd wasp]

ruh roh

take notes, gal, pals and lads

[pure oxide]

If you have even remotely wavy hair, there is one major rule I have for you: DO NOT BRUSH YOUR HAIR DRY

[shrewd wasp]

but the pooof 😄

[rustic drum]

That's been a hard habit to break 👀

[pure oxide]

My routine is for white-people hair that is curly, so if you are POC or darker, this might work for you, it might not.

Though most of the things I follow were started by POC so

[rustic drum]

I'm biracial so this might actually be perfect hehe

[fallow whale]

I do anywaaaaay

[pure oxide]

Don't brush your hair dry; ever. It will poof out, and you will pull and break the strands of hair. Curly hair is very elastic, and you're ruining your hair if you do this

Invest in a good wet detangling brush. I use the Tangle Teaser one, it's a little on the expensive side for just a comb/brush, but it works perfectly. I also have the finishing one, which you can use after you've put your hair up/styled it while it's still damp

My routine is not complete, and I need to find my moisture/protein balance

[fallow whale]

Stress

[pure oxide]

I'm not getting enough protein into my hair. But that's for me to worry about. I shampoo, with a shampoo brush thing

kinda like that. (I love mine)

[high bloom]

Man, wish I'd been taught any of that growing up lol. Might have actually liked my hair

[pure oxide]

Then rinse, repeat.

[shrewd wasp]

"It'S jUst HaIr" chad says in the background with his grease mop

[pure oxide]

Then condition. Don't massage conditioner into your scalp

You'll create too much build up and make your hair heavy at the root, and you don't want that. Concentrate conditioner on the ends/midshafts

Now. I don't give a shit if your shampoo has parabens and sulfates and whatever. Everyone's hair is different. Curly Girl Method will tell you NO SILICONES NO SULFATES NO PARABENS NO NOTHING VEGAN EVERYTHING RAH RAH RAH but they can get bent

If there's a shampoo and conditioner you use that actually makes your hair feel healthy and good, has nice slip in the conditioner, etc? then use that.

Obviously your hair knows what it likes best and anyone else can suck a dick about it.

[fallow whale]

Damn, I thought I knew how to look after my hair

[shrewd wasp]

is actually taking notes

[fallow whale]

Can I copy lol

[hidden inlet]

Is browsing the interwebs for the appropriate products

[pure oxide]

After you shower, you can do the plop method with the towel, or just do what I do. Squeeze most of the water out of your hair, then kinda... loosely not TWIRL your hair, but kinda plop it in your hair towel and then twist the towel LOOSELY and set it on your head for maybe... 5-10 minutes

[fallow whale]

I do that bit

[pure oxide]

Then add in what you need; I use Maui Moisture Curl Quench + Coconut Oil Curl Milk, which I love

A LOT of people recommend Curlsmith products

[rose ice]

I use pantene and man it has done wonders for my hair, they have curly hair version too but it's made my hair so soft, safe for perms and color too

[pure oxide]

And I want to try their weightless air dry cream and their protein products. But yeah. My hair... I've got "Jew curls" as my dad's ENTIRE side of the family is Jewish and he had an afro growing up. 😛

[rustic drum]

My partner has curly hair and he uses Flora and Fauna I think it's called? Turns out my hair hates it, so I'm on the hunt for my own shampoo/conditioner

[pure oxide]

And I've noticed a significant change for the better in my hair.

I used Function of Beauty (still do) but it's expensive as fuck. Faith in Nature is a good brand too!

But like... I'll share my favorite youtuber with curly hair

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCkGyDv3DZjIa4wYsb1aUPaA

She's a board certified hair stylist with amazing hair who rejects the full curly girl method and actually gives you tips that you can USE IN REAL LIFE including budget saving ones and great product reviews, etc.

I LOVE Mell

[rustic drum]

OH I love her!!! She did a wavy hair tutorial and i ate it up

[pure oxide]

But yeah. Rule 1 is: don't brush your hair when it's dry. And after that, a lot of it can be trial and error

[fallow whale]

But I kinda have to

[pure oxide]

just finding the right products for you

[hidden inlet]

I still use Function of Beauty! 😄 Bought a batch last year and I'm still using it. It's actually insane.

[pure oxide]

some of it is method, some of it is product trial and error, seeing what your hair needs/wants.

[shrewd wasp]

I use a french brand called petit marseillais

[high bloom]

Man why is this making me want to grow my hair back lol

[pure oxide]

I use mine too, Trinail, I ordered it last year as well but couldn't afford it again yet so cancelled, but I still have like half my bottles

[shrewd wasp]

duweeet Kaayyy

[rose ice]

Can function of beauty be used for permed/colored hair?

[pure oxide]

yes

[rustic drum]

So far I've learned my hair does not get along with protein rich products. Which is... fun... since most curly/wavy products are all about the protein lol

[pure oxide]

like I said, shit's expensive, but it's formulated to your hair; you take a little quiz and you say what your hair goals are, or what your hair is like/what you need and it formulates to you

[hidden inlet]

Its products are really customizable to your needs.

[pure oxide]

Yeah, see, and I've been over moisturizing but not finding enough with protein. I need to get my keratin rinse again, that stuff was MAGIC

[rose ice]

Oh sweet may do that when I have the money then

[hidden inlet]

I absolutely love FoB and I will die with it.

I know I sound like an advert. I don't care. XD

[high bloom]

I'm taking notes lol! Now's the best time for hair experimentation anyway.

[rose ice]

I want really curly hair but only have wavy hair 😭

[fallow whale]

When your gf wakes up for a moment and you gotta pretend to be asleep like you're 6 with a gameboy

[pure oxide]

I'll take "Things Shlee has obsessively researched and pored over for like two years", Alex

[rose ice]

How often should I wash my hair? I do it about twice a week

[pure oxide]

Once two twice a week is good.

[hidden inlet]

I do that as well.

[timid bane]

okay, I've got that down then

[rose ice]

I'm trying to get to once a week it just gets too oily

[pure oxide]

That's OK. Then wash twice a week, lol. Whatever your hair needs!

That's why I said a lot of this can be very subjective

[timid bane]

I'm at once a week (as long as I'm taking care of myself properly), trying to work up to twice a week bc I think that'd be better for my hair

[fallow whale]

I think I wash about 3 times a week

My hair I mean Jesus lol

[rose ice]

I usually wash it once a week then shower everyday without washing it cause my husband is rlly sensitive to smells and the moisture from the air makes it wavy

[fallow whale]

I gotta fade into the void, laters all

[shrewd wasp]

bye Mags !

I wash my hair once to twice a week

just washed it today actually

[fallow whale]

Thanks again for the earlier help btw

[shrewd wasp]

any time ❤️

[fallow whale]

Also regarding the drama stuff to the people who gave advice and stuff

[rose ice]

Night night!

[pure oxide]

From the last time I just... Let my hair be.

[rose ice]

Oooh love it!

Can you do the fob survey on your phone?

[pure oxide]

Yes

[rose ice]

Sweet

[rustic drum]

A little flat right now because I've had it tied back, but definite evidence of my dry brushing 😭 ahahaha

[shrewd wasp]

look at that cutie ! 😄

[rustic drum]

Somedaaaaaay... it will be wavy

[wintry monolith]

Oh my gosh that pink is amazing

[rose ice]

https://www.instagram.com/p/CLVpuD0n4RX/?igshid=1gwvwz6a85vnv

My hair right after it was permed

[rustic drum]

https://tenor.com/view/anime-usagi-sailormoon-blushing-gif-6090070

Aw thanks

[rose ice]

Yes love that pink!

[rustic drum]

It's Virgin Pink from Arctic Fox! I mix it with conditioner otherwise it's neon

[shrewd wasp]

this is how long my hair is

like I said, only straight thing I have 😂

[rustic drum]

Woooooowww! So long

[pure oxide]

So pretty!

[shrewd wasp]

OH DON'T YOU START SHLEE.

[wintry monolith]

All'y'all are adorable 💛

[high bloom]

Waaaaaaaaaht that's so long! Pretty!

[rustic drum]

Taking a look at FoB. It is pricey but not quite what I was fearing so i think I'll take the plunge! Though I'm nervous about how much protein is in it.
Worst case scenario, that can be another shampoo & conditioner my partner steals from me 😂

[pure oxide]

I mean, if you put down that you need moisture but don't need strengthening, you should be alright.

[rustic drum]

Ohhhhh good point!!

[rose ice]

140 something if I wanna do add ons and the soap too 😭

[pure oxide]

Yeah, it can get pricey. But the shampoo and conditioner are totally worth it, IMHO

[wintry monolith]

Once wfh was confirmed with my work, i bought a pair of clippers

[rose ice]

I'll save up for it, about how long does a bottle last you?

[wintry monolith]

I went from about APL to short short
This was a little after the cut iirc

[high bloom]

It looks so refreshing ❤️

This was after my first time touching it up lol. The top is actually way out of control now...

[pure oxide]

I... Bought the biggest bottle of shampoo and conditioner about... August/September of last year? But I have severe depression and don't always shower more than once a week (it that sometimes heh) so my bottles are still about half full.

[rustic drum]

Ahh yes I've been struggling with similar too 💜

My shampoo bottle I've been using is finally almost empty. I dont remember when I bought it 👀

[hidden inlet]

I have a yearly automatic shipment of shampoo and conditioner and as it's coming here, I only just got about halfway down the bottles.

[rose ice]

Okay! And yeah I feel the depression side of things, mdd myself

[crisp compass]

You're so pretty ;-; the hair colour totally suits you.. I love it <33

[hidden inlet]

Oh my God? How the- You have no right to be this pretty, I'm so fucking jealous rn.

[crisp compass]

Like you literally look like an anime character with the hair, it's adorable..

[rustic drum]

Wha- afhfjdk 💀
Thank you 😭 can't process- afh my heart

I wanted pink hair my whole life but thought it would look awful; took the plunge in quarantine, and now I might keep it forever 😂

[hidden inlet]

Okay, honestly, you've inspired me to be sure of what I'm gonna do with my hair.

Imma put in that auburn streak in the part of my brunette hair.

...As soon as barbers reopen. DX

[rustic drum]

Yahhh!!! Do it!!!!

Ahh I wish I could help, I love dying hair haha. I've tried a lot of colors (mostly just streaks), but this past year was the first time I did pink

[hidden inlet]

Low-key thinking about asking a friend. She doesn't know the first thing about dying hair, but it'd be so hillarious.

Just two autists having a panic attack because we don't know how to handle anything in front of us.

Nah, I'll wait for the barber

[rustic drum]

My trick to bleaching is letting olive oil soak on my hair+scalp for a few hours beforehand. I dont wash it out before bleaching either.. It can slow down how much your hair bleaches out, but with how dark my hair is I have to bleach it a few times anyway so in the end it's not a huge difference for me

If you go to a barber and want to do the olive oil, just call in ahead and ask if they'd mind. Some do, but some don't care at all

[hidden inlet]

Ahkay. 😮 I'll remember to ask. I know some good barbers nearby that I can call eventually.

[inland bronze]

Huh. It's surprisingly a lot more affordable than I thought.

Products targeted for ladies typically have extreme price tags. I thought it was gonna be twice as expensive than it is.

Not cheap but definitely not scraping my bank account expensive

[pure oxide]

Yeah

[gritty flax]

not sure if everyone here keeps up with the general chat, so ill post it here too,
For anyone who hasnt seen it, Ill be playing Raya and The Last Dragon in discord in about an hour.

[rustic drum]

Good movie!

[pure oxide]

I didn't wanna pay the premium for it. Is it just "available" now?

[gritty flax]

no, i paid the premium, mainly for my mom and sister

[rustic drum]

I paid the premium too, I couldn't say no to the SEAsian rep 😭

[pure oxide]

I want to watch it so bad but I'm poor and miserly!

[gritty flax]

If youre not busy, 8pm EST, i can play it tomorrow night too, if that makes it any better

[pure oxide]

that's 2 am my time, so we'll see. 😛

[wintry monolith]

Which vc are you planning on playing it in?

Also do you know if there's any flashy/strobe moments?

[gritty flax]

I dont know sadly, im sorry hun

[gritty flax]

it will be in public-general

[shrewd wasp]

there should be a warning at the beginning of the film if it's a ceasure risk

[wintry monolith]

Contains spoilers, but I absolutely adore this website. https://www.doesthedogdie.com/media/707315

Doesn't look like any reported strobing!

[rose ice]

My husband keeps saying if I want curly hair not to shampoo it, I did that for a month with my perm and my hair just kept getting greasier and greasier, he doesn't seem to believe me that I need to shampoo it, and I talked to him about fob and he still thinks I should just get the conditioner

[pure oxide]

I... no

Your husband is wrong.

[rose ice]

His source is that he and his cousin have curly hair and they only condition it but they're more middle eastern whereas I'm completely white

[pure oxide]

Well that explains a lot.

[rose ice]

Thank you

[pure oxide]

But in any case, he's wrong, and while some curly girls can get away with doing the curly girl method where they don't use any shampoo or just use conditioner to wash their hair

that doesn't work for whities like us

[rose ice]

tHanK yOu

[vital spear]

Isn't a perm chemicals though? So... it's naturally going to have a different care technique compared to naturally curly hair. So I don't understand the logic of using care for naturally curly hair (especially when it comes to different ethnicities) with a perm

What does your hairdresser say?

[rose ice]

That the pantene I was using is fine and to shampoo 1-3 times a week as needed

[pure oxide]

So when, exactly, do I get to throttle this guy for you?

[rose ice]

I mean when the perm fell out after the first wash i tried what he said to get it back but it didn't work and my hair was terribly greasy

[vital spear]

Great! Follow that, then! I understand people wanting to help when they think they have an experience in it, but natural hair vs. perm just won't have the same care. 100% listen to your hairdresser over your husband.

[rose ice]

Haha anytime Shlee, but he is sweet despite what you've heard, really caring guy we just have disagreements

[pure oxide]

Girl, noah fence, but he sounds like he wants to be your dad, not your partner

[rose ice]

I'm going to get function of beauty when I have the money

Yeah sometimes he's a bit like that but not always

I didn't really have any friends to tell me to watch out when I met him cause my only friend didn't want to hear anything about him and then left me so, but now I'm married to him and I do love him but he can be a bit eh at times

[vital spear]

Do you feel like you needed someone to tell you to watch out? Like do you sometimes have concerns about your relationship? Or is it just normal relationship frustrations?

Like, my boyfriend is 100% a person who will tell me the way he thinks that we should go about things, but I know it's coming from a good place, and when I tell him how I wanna do things, he respects it and we move on. I think it's important to make sure that like, it's coming from a place where your husband thinks he knows a good option/path, but isn't wanting to control you

Like, make sure your feelings and opinions are still respected, even if the two of you disagree on the best path to go with something

[rose ice]

Oh yeah for sure, everything is coming from a good place and he doesn't want control over me, he's super sweet and caring and just wants the best for me, he'll 'push' me for some things that he thinks is best like getting me to exercise etc.

[shrewd wasp]

so just normal relationship stuff then

it's normal to butt heads, as long as in the end you respect each other's pov and agency

[rose ice]

Yeah we do, like he doesn't want me to get the binder etc. But has stated he knows he can't stop me but that is his opinion etc.

[shrewd wasp]

I mean fair enough, as long as he doesn't try to guilt trip you into abandoning stuff that makes you happy

(if that stuff isn't a hazard to your health, obviously)

[rose ice]

A little but not purposefully if that makes sense?

[vital spear]

Like, he may not realize how he comes across sometimes?

Like, good intentions but bad deliveryh?

[rose ice]

Yeah exactly

[shrewd wasp]

eh, nobody's perfect, as long as you're on the same page

[rose ice]

Yup

[brazen willow]

Sup gays?

[mellow sand]

Feeling gay today.

[blissful granite]

I'm feeling about 7% less gay than yesterday.

but also, 30% less straight.

[hidden inlet]

Feeling very gay lately.

[fallow whale]

My gf accidentally flung a skittle on top of my head whilst attempting to eat it

*skittle, Damn phone

[inland bronze]

Bahahaha

Shoulda looked at them and said well? It ain't gonna eat itself.

[fallow whale]

A small price to pay for getting her to eat all the grape ones

[inland bronze]

I couldn't say. I haven't had skittles in.....oh lord when was the last time I had a skittle?

D:

[fallow whale]

I only like the sours

[inland bronze]

That's fair. The lemon ones were pretty dang good.

[fallow whale]

They used to have a sour sugar coating like years ago but now they're more like regular skittles

Nerfed

[inland bronze]

I was about to say don't they have a sour version of them. I didn't know they needed them that badly though. Oof.

[fallow whale]

Still, beats default skittles

[wintry monolith]

They nerfed sour skittles?? oao

I haven't had them in ages. That's sad as hell.

[brazen willow]

get nerfed

[wintry monolith]

Appropriate meme lol

[brazen willow]

BUFF

[hidden inlet]

Nerf or nothin...

[median oak]

I used to love Skittles until they changed the green ones from lime to apple. Not a fan of artificial apple flavoring; just give me a real green apple instead.

[paper basin]

and i'm linking this here, bc support for lgbtq+ frens ❤️ #🐔coral-general message

[pure oxide]

My hair, immediately after shower and quickly towel dried

After brush through, curl milk, brush through, scrunch

the bottom is so thin due to coloring damage and the fact that I had an undercut for most of 2019 and I've been growing it out. The hair at the nape of my neck is about shoulder-shoulder blade length, but my actual hair is like... mid-back. 😛

[paper basin]

don't towel dry!

towel dry causes tangles and breakage which hinders growth

plopping is the way to go 😎

[pure oxide]

oh, yeah, I know. I don't actually rub my hair with my towel

I literally do the plop thing... I squeeze a little, but never rub, to avoid breakage. 🙂

[shrewd wasp]

https://tenor.com/xEPe.gif

me drying my hair

[pure oxide]

that's so bad for your hair thouuugh

also, pro-tip I forgot to mention yesterday during the curly hair talk... you shouldn't use super hot water on your scalp. lukewarm to warm is best with shampooing, and then rinse with cold (or as cold as you can stand) water at the end when you rinse your conditioner

[shrewd wasp]

I'm kidding, I mostly just gently squeeze it dry heh

never pull on it

[pure oxide]

the warm water helps open the folicles, which lets the conditioner seep in, but in order to keep the emollients and moisturizes in you have to close the follicle again, which you do with cold water

[shrewd wasp]

I avoid using hot water altogether cuz my skin dries out super easily

unless it's freezing cold and I'm taking a bath

[supple brook]

I love boiling myself

Hot showers are the best <3

I really don't take the best care of my skin or my hair LMAO

I also have to shampoo my hair every day when I have to go places cause it gets greasy in 1 day 😐 I know that's awful for your hair but nothing works for me

[rustic drum]

I can't do cold water, our cold water smells like sulphur 😩

[supple brook]

I hate my best friend, they can go 2 weeks without shampooing their hair and it looks like it's just been washed it's homophobic as shit

Meanwhile I look like I haven't washed my hair in a week if I go 24h without washing it 🥴

[rustic drum]

I really should wash my hair 2x a week, I can't imagine being about to go 2 weeks and looking fine

[chrome cedar]

My heating was broken all of winter, including no warm water. When I first showered after it got fixed, halway through the water turned so cold it burned my skin 😂 I really can't deal with cold showers rn

[supple brook]

Omg that's such a nightmare

[chrome cedar]

Now my showers are nice and warm, but I still hurry up as fast as I can hskjdf

[rustic drum]

Oh JEEZE

[supple brook]

All our water in this house is connected to the same boiler so sometimes when you shower and someone's cooking suddenly the water will either turn ice cold or scorching hot out of nowhere :))

[chrome cedar]

😩 that's also awful

[supple brook]

My favorite is when you're showering and someone starts washing the dishes yeehaw

[chrome cedar]

It's the same thing here, but I live alone 😛

Sometimes I wish someone would clean the kitchen for me, but then again, I'm glad no one steals my water

[rustic drum]

Oof ok at least we don't have to worry about that. It just smells...

[supple brook]

When I'm in Spain or even in Berlin it always shocks me how much the water smells like chlorine like whew it legit feels like you're bathing in chemicals lmao

[rustic drum]

Omg haha I've never been that would be a shock

[supple brook]

The water in my hometown is known to be really really clean lmao I'm pretty spoiled about that

[rustic drum]

Ahh that's so nice! We're on well water, hence the smell. And we don't drink it just to be cautious

[shrewd wasp]

our shower does that thing of when you turn just half a quarter of a milimetre towards hot or cold it goes from scalding to ice cold.

[rustic drum]

Oh I hate that

[supple brook]

GOD i feel that, it's so annoying

Sometimes it takes me 10 minutes to find the right spot

Wait i-

[shrewd wasp]

or on the contrary you turn the hot water on and it stays cold, so you turn more, and more, and more, and more

with no change

so you give up

and THEN you get burnt.

[supple brook]

I feel that so hard ajfks

I hate it

[rustic drum]

If we accidentally make ours too hot, the temp refuses to go back down for like 10 minutes, so you just get boiled alive or have to stop showering for a while XD

[hollow arrow]

the merman is so hot

idc

[wintry monolith]

Also showering and the toilet being flushed

Become 🦞

[hidden inlet]

Okay, so Imma need help from a group of people I feel are safe and this is the only server of people I trust because gay, even thought this is in no way related to the alphabet mafia. Anyone up?

[shrewd wasp]

colour me intrigued

though idk if you can trust the chaos in my heart it knows no bound xD

also if it's personal in any way I4d suggest not talking about it in a public discord

[hidden inlet]

Honestly, I need a chaotic good/neutral perspective on this

[shrewd wasp]

even if this channel feels like a safe space you never know who's lurking

[hidden inlet]

No worries, it's not too personal.

[shrewd wasp]

I'm chaotic stupid at the best of time 😂

but I'm all ears if you need help

[hidden inlet]

So chaotic neutral. 😛

But yeah, tl;dr, this'll take a sec.

[shrewd wasp]

no worries

[rustic drum]

Hey I'm here too if you need a second pair of ears.. er.. eyes

[hidden inlet]

Have autism, going to therapy for it, am relatively intelligent and ambitious, apparently. Discussed some issues that don't matter in this context. Discussed having a far off dream job (I thought maybe I'll try at 40 or something.) of starting a branch of ASAN, Autistic Self-Advocacy Network, in the Netherlands, as the only branches that exist are in America, Canada and England. Therapist asked me what I'd have to do to get there, as she usually does when I feel like I have a really ambitious goal. I started listing a lot of things and how to achieve them and after a minute, I asked her, exact (Dutch) words "Wait... Do you think this is actually fucking possible?" She came up with ideas for networking, info-sources and helped me organize my thoughts.

Sooooo I'm in the position where I feel like I can do something great and something I want to do and like it's within reach, but I don't know if I'm losing perspective or spiraling, or just giving into imposter syndrome.

W h a t t h e f u c k d o I d o ? 😬 😬 😬 😬 😬 😬

Context: I have a google docs with steps I can take, stuff I need and networking options. And useful courses on organisational management.

And plan on studying Applied Psychology, so I would have a useful background.

[shrewd wasp]

sounds like you have a solid plan to follow to me

especially if your therapist is encouraging you rather than telling you to slow down

as long as you're conscious of the amount of work, time and effort that's going to go into it

dream big !

nothing great ever comes of people dreaming small

[hidden inlet]

First. EU. ASAN. Branch.
Me. As an organiser.
What.

[shrewd wasp]

if you want to make extra sure it's not insane, talk to adults around you

[rustic drum]

Ok. So let me get a couple things out of the way first:
I dont know what is within nor outside your means or reach. That's probably obvious but I just want to state it.
I am not the type of person who gives someone hope just for hope's sake - I don't enjoy giving baseless optimism.

But your therapist should be your tether. They are trained to handle manic episodes, narcissism, feelings of grandiose. If you laid out a plan and they seem for it. Thats a very good sign that this is doable for you! That should give you hope

[shrewd wasp]

your parents, some of their friends, try and get in contact with people from branches abroad etc.

ask them about what their path to get there was like

100% agree with Happy

[hidden inlet]

That's what messed me up about this too. This sounds like one of those far reaching ideas I'd normally convince myself out of, but now it's validated by my therapist. Not that I mind, but... It's wild.

[shrewd wasp]

it's a big thing to wrap anyone's head around

if you want to be absolutely sure, maybe ask a second opinion from another therapist in the field ?

[hidden inlet]

Oh, I'm aware, but if I could do this... It wouldn't just all be worth it. I can't comprehend how hard I'd fight for this to happen.

[shrewd wasp]

bigger than life things have to start somewhere, and it's often with a passionate person

[hidden inlet]

I mean, I'm actually considering networking.

[shrewd wasp]

that's awesome ! try and lay out all the pros and cons with your therapist

the hurdles you'd meet along the way and how to handle them

and you know be ready to fail or feel like you're failing, or going backwards instead of forward, and ask yourself if you'd keep fighting

[hidden inlet]

Thanks for the down to earth words. I'll keep my personal situation personal, but all I'll say is that I have barely any money or influence now. I haven't been diagnosed with any of the things you described and I don't think I have any of these things.

[rustic drum]

I agree with Chaos, I think this sounds doable and if you're still nervous get other opinions too. But be prepared to hear people say you can't do it.

I wanted to be a lawyer and my mom told me to shoot for a legal secretary instead. I regret not taking the steps to do what I wanted to, simply because I listened to the 1 negative opinion.

[shrewd wasp]

I'm all for taking on ambitious projects, but you have to know what they entail

and also be very real with yourself that they can completely fail

[hidden inlet]

I definitely will, have discussed with some friends and folks at the organisation that guides me to becoming independent. Just some family and other experts now. I have those in my doc as well.

[rustic drum]

And you probably don't have any of those things, but therapists are trained to wrangle in big ideas if they seem... too much. And if they're unsure even, they're trained to be unbiased. If they think your plan is solid, i think that's very telling 💜

[hidden inlet]

I don't think a second one would benefit, because I'd probably just go "Okay, cool." and leave still trying. 😂

Btw, I know I thanked Ever and not you, but your input is just as awesome and gives me some perspective.

[shrewd wasp]

hey you know, that reminds me of something that has nothing to do with this, but still kinda does xD

I follow a ytber who has birds and she made a whole video explaining why birds are HORRIBLE pets

like

horrible

[hidden inlet]

Oof, I know that feel. Well acquainted. I'll manage that. 🙂

[shrewd wasp]

-70/10

bad

just

no

and listed all the reasons why

and then said something at the end that really struck me

she said something like "now I know some of you have heard and understood everything I've just said, are perfectly conscious of ALL of it, and are still thinking cool I want that, these are the ONLY people I'd say can have birds."

[hidden inlet]

I kind of have the habit of doing the exact opposite of what those people tell me. 😅 A mentor said I wasn't scheduled into French when I went from special to regular ed in the third year, because I hadn't learnt it in special ed and that he did it 'cause he assumed I wasn't going to be able to do it. Just to prove him wrong, I learnt 5 years of French in 2 years.

Thing is: I hate French. I did it just out of spite. So that's kind of my downfall there.

[shrewd wasp]

pfffttt

[rustic drum]

Thats kind of fantastic though

[shrewd wasp]

honestly as a french person

mood, brother.

french is awful to learn 🤣

[hidden inlet]

Honestly, fuck your irregular verbs. XD Just that's enough for me to want your country to be assimilated into an English-speaking EU-superstate.

[shrewd wasp]

I'm always of the mind that anyone can do anything, provided they're willing to put in the hours

[rustic drum]

I actually really liked learning French, I just didn't have the money nor the time to continue it. I have... 1 semester of French under my belt. I've retained close to nothing.

[shrewd wasp]

so that's why not everyone is an amazing artist

[hidden inlet]

(Then again, Dutch also sucks hard.)

[shrewd wasp]

cuz it takes YEARS of practice, and discipline and hard work and dedication

but if you put in all that and more

guess what you'll be a great artist

so if you feel like you have the guts and the fire to make it happen

I say go for it

[hidden inlet]

Fire, yes, guts... networking tho.

[shrewd wasp]

part of the job 🤷‍♀️

get off your bum and go court people into helping

[rustic drum]

Yeah. If you have a plan laid out and have the tenacity to pursue this.. do it

[shrewd wasp]

just remember

most people want to help

especially if they're already in the field

[hidden inlet]

I mean, I updated my LinkedIn, so that's a start. I'm sure I can get some advice, contact info and help from people.

[shrewd wasp]

and if they can't/don't want to ?

they'll say no

and you'll move on

[rustic drum]

And networking can be all the time. I've gotten the weirdest hook ups to things simply because I spouted off to random people about random things. Tell everyone what you're looking into, you will be surprised at who knows who

[shrewd wasp]

even if you're just asking for a moment of their time to just talk

that can be invaluable

even if "nothing" comes out of it

[hidden inlet]

I'll remember to keep it in the forefront of my mind and talk to anyone I know about this.

[rustic drum]

Like if you hyperfixate... give that filter a little vent hole and see where it takes you

[shrewd wasp]

it's a beautiful project, I'm sure you'll attract the right kind of people to help !

[hidden inlet]

That and I should probably actually contact ASAN to see how everything would work. 😅

[shrewd wasp]

that would also be very helpful

[rustic drum]

I am Nobody on the Internet #73, but I have your back! Contact them, no harm no foul

[shrewd wasp]

just don't lose sight of your goal

[hidden inlet]

Kind of the bare minimum, if anything. I already have a list of conditions copied into the doc from their website. Just that is enough for me to know they're an amazing organisation.

[shrewd wasp]

if you ever get overwhelmed, are struggling, can't remember why you're going through all this shit

go back to the basics

what do I want out of this

[rustic drum]

Yes!

[hidden inlet]

I want a society that's built for both neurotypicals and neurodivergent.

[shrewd wasp]

write that somewhere

[rustic drum]

That's a beautiful goal

[shrewd wasp]

embroider it on a wall

[hidden inlet]

Post it note.

[shrewd wasp]

where you can see it

frame the post it note

I'm not joking

make it a thing you can look at

[hidden inlet]

Plastered a post it note on my monitor.

[rustic drum]

I agree. Keep it in view. Bad days make the stretch goals invisible.

[hidden inlet]

I'm shaking. And I can't tell if it's fear or excitement.

I think both.

[shrewd wasp]

prolly both, but that's how you know this is real hehe

[hidden inlet]

Honestly, whenever I get that mix I know I'm on the right track.

[shrewd wasp]

someone once said if you're not just a little bit scared of your dreams they're not big enough

[rustic drum]

Then good

[hidden inlet]

Did you say that? 😛

[shrewd wasp]

hahahah no I'm trying to remember where I heard it

[hidden inlet]

Mhm.

[shrewd wasp]

I wish I was that insightful 🤣

[hidden inlet]

I don't know why, but my mind keeps drifting to Nadia Tolokonikova, even though I know it's not her. XD

[rustic drum]

But it is true! The fear of failure robs a lot of people from doing great things. And it sounds like you have a pretty good plan and that you're taking it seriously.

[shrewd wasp]

mmmmhm

and you know, worst case scenario you do fail, but you know what ? If you do nothing you have 100% failure rate, if you try, you at least have that 1% chance

[hidden inlet]

Whooh. Okay. Planning. Networking. Possibilities. Self-assuredness. Google doc hub.

[shrewd wasp]

I'll take that 1% chance any day

remember to make it small bite size chunks

[hidden inlet]

Okay. Okay. Okay. I know what I need to do and if I don't, I can look it up.

[shrewd wasp]

little things you can do every day

baby steps

nothing is too small

[hidden inlet]

Baby steps toward the big leap.

[shrewd wasp]

exactly

and rely on the people around you who have your back

you are not alone

use that

[rustic drum]

It seems like you got this. If what you're saying is true, I've already seen structure and persistence, and those are 2 major ingredients to follow through something like this

[shrewd wasp]

yup

[hidden inlet]

I have two friend groups I can trust and fall back on. My therapist greenlighted my instinct, I have contacts. Now all I need is to organize a concrete plan bit by bit, contact ASAN and propose it to someone I know who has a high position and apparently, according to my therapist, has a passion for creation.

[shrewd wasp]

that sounds like an optimal start !

[hidden inlet]

I know the first steps. I just need to do it, imposter syndrome be damned.

[rustic drum]

Great!

[shrewd wasp]

fuck yeah

[hidden inlet]

My arms are tingling.

[shrewd wasp]

now once more with feelings !

fuck imposter syndrome !

no sus allowed

[hidden inlet]

Since spite is more my thing, I'll say it like this:

If my old therapist, a psychology professor I spoke to and Autism Speaks can't create a safe space for people with autism, I'll just have to do their job for them.

If they can get high positions of power, I'm sure I'll be fine.

[shrewd wasp]

perfect

spite your way into success

[rustic drum]

🥳 that's the vigor we like to see

[shrewd wasp]

I love it

[hidden inlet]

I was about to say "Trump is my biggest motivation." in this context, but I still feel disgusted. 😂

If someone that incompetent can hold a presidency...

[shrewd wasp]

I mean

[hidden inlet]

...I'll live. 🤣

[shrewd wasp]

hold is a big word

grasping at it by the greasy tips of his cheeto claws

[hidden inlet]

But yeah, I have a plan, I have some reassurance. Thank you so much. ❤️

[shrewd wasp]

hey

[hidden inlet]

I felt like I was suffering from a case of "Main Character Syndrome" with a smidge of "Caregiver's Syndrome" but I think this might actually be possible.

[shrewd wasp]

can't be worse than this guy's plan :

[hidden inlet]

Me before holding the "W" button and spamming whatever button "attack" is.

[shrewd wasp]

https://tenor.com/4xen.gif

there we go

less flashy xD

[hidden inlet]

Yeah, good call. 😛

If there's anything y'all need that I can lend an ear for, do tell me. 🙂 Happy to help.

[rustic drum]

I'm glad this conversation gave you peace, and hopefully an energy boost toward that goal!

If you ever need to gush about any progress, too, go for it!!

[shrewd wasp]

mhmm !

[rustic drum]

My partner made first contact in the discord just now I'm trying not to be creepy

https://tenor.com/view/sneak-sneaky-soon-gif-5698462

[rustic drum]

Aw he already scuttled back to his corner of the internet... such a fleeting moment 😌

[fallow whale]

Trying to make a server but idk what I'm doing lol

[hidden inlet]

Need me to find you a guide or do you just not know how to structure it?

[fallow whale]

Like, structure and roles and stuff

Do I need my laptop to actually customise it ?

[hidden inlet]

I'd hope you'd be able to do it on your phone too. Anyway, yeah, that's gonna be a lot. 😛 The way I've always seen it happen is just... Figure out what you want to create a space for and try to make it convenient for that thing.

I know it's vague, but it's really open ended how you do it. It's like home decoration, I guess.

[fallow whale]

Hmm

It doesn't seem like I do much fancy stuff on my phone

Good chance I'm just an idiot though

[hidden inlet]

Would be more convenient on a computer anyway, I think,.

[fallow whale]

At least I have a sweet server icon

[paper basin]

i can't fucking believe i missed the curly hair talk

[tight widget]

[celest valley]

you should be able to do it all on your phone, but i do believe there are a few things you need your computer to do. or at least makes it easier to do!

i can help if u need anything too

[fallow whale]

PLEASE

[pure oxide]

Well, it's all there not too far up, if I'm honest, and if you have more things to add please feel free! I'm not an expert, I just spend an inordinate amount of time reading up on and watching videos about curly hair maintenance. >.<

[paper basin]

what did i read about that no shampoo thing lmfao

plus that's not even taking the porosity into account

[pure oxide]

I've got medium porosity hair myself, but it's really fine. I hate it.

[wintry monolith]

I'm not sure what porosity my hair is, just that it's very fine and there's a lot of it

[paper basin]

i have low porosity and it's a fucking trap

most given advice is good for high porosity hair and bad for low porosity hair

if you know it it's fine but if you don't it can be a problem 😂

[pure oxide]

Yeah. I just give advice based on my hair but with the caveat that... it really varies depending on the person. And ultimately like... you know what's good for your own hair, when your hair feels healthy and looks shiny and all that, so use the products that your hair likes and don't give a shit about following CGM and all that if it's not what works for you

[wintry monolith]

Most product tends to hella weigh mine down.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[pure oxide]

Then you probably have pretty high-porosity hair and I'd go with a lightweight mousse or like the curlsmith lightweight air dry cream. Anything that isn't too heavy/thick

[wintry monolith]

I once tried cowashing for a week and hoo boy. That was an awful sticky greasy looking mess.

I'd made sure it wasn't a silicone conditioner too

Hair just noped, lol

I've had decent luck with dry shampoo powders and mousse. Gel was uhhh. A very long time ago and thus fuzzy, but I think it worked well so long as it was in tandem with a diffuser.

[pure oxide]

Yeah, most people will tell you to make a gel cast to your hair, and then scrunch the bejesus out of it to get all the crunch out. But if you say products weigh you down, I'd highly recommend going with only light-weight stuff, like a mousse

[wintry monolith]

I don't really use anything besides sulfate/cones free shampoo and conditioner on it nowadays. Since the big chop it's hardly even wavy now.

[shrewd wasp]

I have no idea what the nature of my hair is tbh 🤣

it's just long with splity ends, that's all I know

[wintry monolith]

Mousse would be interesting to try again on like. The front bits. I do do a clarifying wash with sulfate shampoo every once in a blue moon to get rid of buildup

[pure oxide]

I'd do a chelating (god I think that's how it's spelled) shampoo for buildup if you need to

[wintry monolith]

I'll check that out - honestly where I'm at rn I'm on...day 4 of not washing it and it's only just now starting to look a little greasy, vs long hair every other day, maybe third day with dry shampoo.

Maybe bc my short hair goes floof more? Less weighing it down onto the scalp.

https://twitter.com/SunniestofDaes/status/1376987424912338944?s=19

Dae (@SunniestofDaes)

Happy Transgender Day of Visibility!

I made a resource to help people learn about us trans & gender diverse folks!

Please share this with any people, organisations, workplaces, or groups who may benefit from it.

The PDF: https://t.co/7ZkSoJrRh4

#TDOV #TransDayOfVisibility

Twitter · Mar 30, 2021, 7:59 PM

[fallow whale]

Oh sick

Also screw Australia lol, banned a game I wanted

[shrewd wasp]

which game ?

[fallow whale]

Disco Elysium

Maybe I should move back to the UK just so I can play it

Fuckin 1984 amirite /s

[shrewd wasp]

oh I've heard of that game

[compact peak]

i have an appointment to get back on T today! Funny, because I didn't realize today was transgender day of visibility haha

[hidden inlet]

Wait tf, I played it, why would it get banned?

There's nothing really ban-worthy in there, if I'm right.

[fallow whale]

Drug use

[hidden inlet]

Wh-

That's enough to ban a game there?

[fallow whale]

Australian censorship is run by idiots

Gta didn't get banned

[hidden inlet]

I'm actually kinda shocked. ._. That's low-key terrifying.

Not even for the video game itself, but just how the government can wake up and feel like banning a piece of media on a whim.

[fallow whale]

Not as bad as China lol

[hidden inlet]

Low standards.

[fallow whale]

Kingdom hearts 3 in China is the funniest shit

Winnie the pooh is a just a glowing white presence

[hidden inlet]

I know the story. It's hillariously sad.

[fallow whale]

True

I'm hoping it'll be contested

Been waiting for the games console release for at least a year I think

[hidden inlet]

Worst case scenario, there's still other ways you can get it.

I wouldn't want to call those ways illegal, I like calling them extralegal. '3'

[half valley]

Happy TDOV!!

I love my trans girlfriend & trans boyfriend & all my trans frieenndsss~~!!💙✨

[fallow whale]

Has anyone played remnant from the ashes?

[pure oxide]

Yes, husband and I played quite a lot of it

@jolly mason

[jolly mason]

https://tenor.com/view/mr-bean-wave-hi-gif-8704755

[fallow whale]

Any good?

[pure oxide]

yeah, we enjoyed it

[fallow whale]

Cool, need something fresh to play

Wish my knees didn't feel ouch

[tacit star]

wait that got banned here??? Seriously??? ffs

Also happy TDoV! (for yesterday here lol)

[fallow whale]

You can play it via steam

Ban is currently just for consoles

[tacit star]

that’s,, even weirder

[shrewd wasp]

welcome to people not understanding whatever the fuck they're ruling on being in power

[tacit star]

They’re just in it for the easy cash uwu

[dry swift]

Happy Trans Visibility Day! You all have disadvantage on your stealth checks!

[fallow whale]

Jokes on you I'm a professional 😎

[tacit star]

smh, now I’m more likely to fail at making a 3AM sandwich w/o waking up one of nine other people 😩

[idle bane]

holy shit, today is tdov?

[tacit star]

yeah!

[mellow sand]

Oh dear. Today is the day I lose my powers of invisibility.

[rose ice]

sigh how do you get over someone?

[hidden inlet]

Most of the time closure helps.

[rose ice]

I can't get closure, she refuses to speak to me and blocked me everywhere without telling me why

[hidden inlet]

Can you block her back?

[rose ice]

I could but I want her to come back..

[pure oxide]

It takes time.

[rose ice]

Explain what in the world I did wrong

[pure oxide]

When you think about her, distract yourself.

You're not going to get that. You just aren't

[rose ice]

It's been over 6 months now and I just..

[pure oxide]

And you have to remind yourself of that and get comfortable with that idea.

[dark patio]

Sometimes there is no answer like that.

[pure oxide]

I'd venture to say most of the time.

[dark patio]

Yeah, most of the time is accurate.

[pure oxide]

I've lost friends and relationships more than once, people I was super close to, and never got that closure. It just... Doesn't happen.

[dark patio]

There may be some reason she has, but that doesn’t mean it’s something you did.

[hidden inlet]

Small note, but you're also assuming you're the one who did something wrong.

[pure oxide]

And you just have to get comfortable in that knowledge, and start distracting yourself when you start thinking about them. Go for a walk. Read a book. Etc.

[dark patio]

Sometimes people have reasons that are just... bad reasons tbh. And that’s not your fault.

[rose ice]

7 years just down the drain and idk what I did wrong, she was my everything

[dark patio]

If she did that without talking to you, I’m sorry, but it sounds like she didn’t value you like you did her. Which is awful

[rose ice]

I've just been really down about her lately, everything I do reminds me of her cause she was such an integral part of my life

[shrewd wasp]

it's ups and down, sometimes you'll feel like you're over it, and sometimes it'll hit you again like a freight train

but as time goes on the freight trains get less and less frequent

[rose ice]

Yeah it's a freight train right now

[shrewd wasp]

yeaahh... all you can do it ride it out unfortunately

[pure oxide]

It's grief.

Like. End of the day, it's grief. Maybe they didn't die, but they aren't the part of your life that they were before.

[shrewd wasp]

my best friend of also 7 years dropped off the earth after saying some really cruel things to me out of the blue, took me a long time to get over it and I'm still angry some days but 🤷‍♀️

[crisp compass]

I've been through the same thing, and it's lasted a year.

[shrewd wasp]

there's nothing you can do but live through it

[pure oxide]

So you just... Have to process it the same.

[crisp compass]

But, I met my current partner now, and he seems to have made me forget all the trauma.

[rose ice]

It's not fair I just want her back

[shrewd wasp]

that's awesome Bubbles ❤️

[pure oxide]

I know those feels. And I'm sorry.

It's okay to be sad. And angry.

[crisp compass]

Not having closure is the worst, but that's their fault for not giving it to you, don't blame yourself.

[shrewd wasp]

that's not happening Digi, I'm sorry, it's awful but it's "easier" to just face that head on

[pure oxide]

And we're here to be uncomfortable in your grief with you if that's all you need.

[rose ice]

Thanks guys

[pearl sleet]

We love you!!!!

[hidden inlet]

I don't mean to get psycho-analytical or something, but is it that you want her back or that you want the version you have of her in your head back?

[rose ice]

I want her back, flaws and everything

[pearl sleet]

You might want the affection you had for her back

There is an big difference between missing someone as a person and the memories you made with them

I learned that the hard way

You can do this, Digi

We all believe in you

[rose ice]

I dont know if I can, I miss her so much even though she broke my heart

[pearl sleet]

You will

Accept that

Accept the fact that you miss her

Let yourself feel this

It's not good to shove those feelings away

[rose ice]

I can't be crying my eyes out at work everyday though, it's difficult to hide even with a mask and glasses

[pearl sleet]

Well, you have time to cry at home, right?

I...never had a job when I was getting over him

But I was at school

Distractions like Shlee said work wonders

[rose ice]

Then my husband asks what's wrong and idk how to explain tbh, he knows I'm poly but not that I still love her

[shrewd wasp]

I thought I'd never get over my first gf, and she didn't even break my heart man, she fucking shattered it with a jackhammer, it's been 2 years and I'm still not over it, but I'm getting there, and you'll get there too, it's just gonna take time, and it'll get worse before it gets better, and you'll have off days and set backs, but you'll get there

you have your husband, you have your friends, you have us

[pearl sleet]

^^^

[crisp compass]

You will.. all it takes is time, I said the same thing about my ex, but I realised it was just the memories that I missed and not him.. even though it took so long, and sometimes I still do miss him. You may not forget today or tomorrow, but all you need is time.

[shrewd wasp]

you'll get there ❤️

[pearl sleet]

I sometimes miss the times I had with the guy who called himself straight after calling me his bf a week earlier

Then I remember

He treated me like shit

Not even worth the thought

[crisp compass]

Surround yourself by positives things, and distractions help tremendously too..

[hidden inlet]

These bad moments allow for repressed emotions and memories to bubble to the surface. That might be another way of getting closure.

[shrewd wasp]

they really do

[pearl sleet]

Distractions are great

Think of how awesome Coral Island is gonna be!

[shrewd wasp]

cathartic crying is also great

just let it out

[pearl sleet]

^^^

Let yourself cry

[shrewd wasp]

like my granny says

[pearl sleet]

There is nothing wrong with crying

[shrewd wasp]

cry, you'll pee less

[pearl sleet]

Dont ever let anyone say anything different

[crisp compass]

YES!! CRY!!

[pearl sleet]

LMAO

[shrewd wasp]

and yes that never not made me cackle even when I was ugly crying

[crisp compass]

I mean watch a bunch of sad videos on Youtube and cry, you'll feel a bit better

[rose ice]

I feel like I can't distract myself tho as everything reminds me of her, drawing, rping, reading, writing, all the stuff I used to do with her

[pearl sleet]

Then make new memories with it

Better times

Just let yourself try

[shrewd wasp]

an old persian addage that's helped me a lot

[rose ice]

I'm scared to

[shrewd wasp]

"this too shall pass"

[crisp compass]

I know it's hard, but you will get there. The mind can sometimes be a good source at remembering things, but think too hard then it can be negative--

[pearl sleet]

Thats okay

It's natural to be scared

To do the things you used to do with her

But...

Just once

Do it once

Give yourself a chance to start anew

[shrewd wasp]

also you have no timeframe here, you don't need to get better in x amount of time, there's no clock ticking

you just take it one day at a time

[pearl sleet]

What is grief, if not love persevering?

[shrewd wasp]

cuz one day at a time is all anyone has, and no one can expect more than that from you ❤️

[rose ice]

I'm trying but I'm so scared I'm gonna lose my new friends too

[pearl sleet]

You won't

They aren't her

[shrewd wasp]

if you do they weren't true friends to begin with

[hidden inlet]

I'm definitely not going anywhere. 😛

[pearl sleet]

Same here

[shrewd wasp]

true friends will stick with you

[rose ice]

Thank you

[crisp compass]

Especially during hard times.

[shrewd wasp]

mhmm

[pearl sleet]

We love you, Digi

Even if I only just met you like 20mins ago

I'm a friend to anyone who needs it

Bc everyone deserves at least someone to listen ot them

[rose ice]

Thank you so much

[hidden inlet]

Now go to pets-and-animals and rinse your brain with the cuteness that is unfolding.

❤️

[rose ice]

Haha okay

[quasi thorn]

Hello o/ Hope everyone's doin' well

[indigo axle]

Happy Trans Day of Visibility to anyone who needs to hear it today!

(And especially to everyone who doesn't want to hear it)

[fallow whale]

Sad my plushies didn't arrive today

[fiery steeple]

wait trans visibility day is the first of April?

[dry swift]

No, it was yesterday

[fiery steeple]

oh right I'm in the future

mb

[fallow whale]

timezones are confusing, thought it was today too

[fiery steeple]

I'm kinda glad it's not tbh
TDOV being on joke day would just be in kinda poor taste lol

[fallow whale]

Yeah lol

[radiant tundra]

So I don’t know if anyone wants to read it, but here is a link to a manga about the author’s experiences as a trans woman in Japan and her transition. It is a very cute manga

http://www.mangahere.cc/manga/hanayome_wa_motodanshi/

[fallow whale]

Oh cool I'll actually look into that

Tomorrow though it's late af

[wintry monolith]

Ooh!

I'll take a look once I'm off work

[indigo axle]

I can't open it where I'm at but is it in Japanese, English, or something else?

[radiant tundra]

The link that I sent is for an English translation of it

[fallow whale]

Damn my neighbours need to chill

[shrewd wasp]

send them some ice

[rancid shoal]

how is everyone here doin :3

[chrome cedar]

Very tired how are you?

[rancid shoal]

awh make sure to get some sleep or relax :3

im doing well ❤️

[fallow whale]

Job application videos are bad

[pure oxide]

I don't make the rules.

[waxen hare]

I LOVE THIS

silly goose for life

[iron escarp]

no gender, only chaos goose

[wicked jungle]

where is eristoteles

[fallow whale]

Damn, alternative fashion got hands

[supple brook]

I would love to be chaos goose but I have to step up my chaotic side 😔

[fallow whale]

I'm all of them only varying

[iron escarp]

i mean i cant be mean so i wouldnt carry around a knife

[fiery steeple]

@wicked jungle get your butt in here

[waxen hare]

we dont bite we swear

[fiery steeple]

I only bite my girlfriend

[wicked jungle]

👀

[fiery steeple]

[wicked jungle]

that sounds like something somebody would say who'd bite

[fiery steeple]

only with consent

[wicked jungle]

consent is underrated

and people who care for consent are too ._.

[fiery steeple]

hey now that's a very dangerous statement

[wicked jungle]

hm?

[flint dagger]

lol i usually just lurk on this channel

[fiery steeple]

oh wait I misread mb

I thought you said consent is overrated

[wicked jungle]

you seem to lurk everywher

[flint dagger]

https://tenor.com/view/critical-role-crit-role-cr-arsequeef-ashley-johnson-gif-19154891

[waxen hare]

not to sound like a 90s infomercial but consent is cool

[wicked jungle]

the c in consent stands for cool xD

[fiery steeple]

https://tenor.com/view/adventure-time-angry-mad-butt-flick-my-butt-gif-3573521

[flint dagger]

that's right, my dear!

[wicked jungle]

:3

[fair osprey]

yeah, like I would kiss all the cute bois if i could, but only with consent

[wicked jungle]

oh honey i cant read.

[flint dagger]

also, do remember to keep it PG lol i know it can be hard XD

[fiery steeple]

and I have a sword

[wicked jungle]

i am a hugger but i never touch without consent

[flint dagger]

i have a separate server for nsfw stuff where i can vent lol

[wicked jungle]

👀

i am very curious about what stuff could vevnt about so much it'd need a separate nsfw server 👀

[fiery steeple]

oh honey you must be new to the internet

[flint dagger]

then again, i understand coming from your background.

[wicked jungle]

not 100% new to the internet, but nsfw thoughts are foreign for me anyways

ace panromantic, how yall doing today

[fiery steeple]

I've been on the dark side of the internet for almost 13 years now

[flint dagger]

doing well here.

[iron escarp]

ayy me too

[wicked jungle]

nice to meet you :D

[iron escarp]

like as a fellow ace this statement is sadly too true

[flint dagger]

where do y'all come from?

[iron escarp]

i come from the netherlands!

[fiery steeple]

straya

[wicked jungle]

:O a neighbor, germany

[iron escarp]

:000 no wayyy a neighborr

[wicked jungle]

ayeee

[flint dagger]

ohoho! Europeans!

[wicked jungle]

CET timezone neighbors?

oh no wait i believe you are 3-4h forward

[flint dagger]

who?

[wicked jungle]

you

[fiery steeple]

waves from across a couple oceans

[iron escarp]

haha

[flint dagger]

I'm from Indonesia, so 5 hours forward ^-^

[wicked jungle]

i believe you said "happy saturday" hen it was 9pm for me yesterday?

:o

[flint dagger]

yepyep!

[fiery steeple]

it is now Sunday

greetings from the future
we still gay

[iron escarp]

its still saturday over here

[wicked jungle]

just 9 more hours for sunday

[iron escarp]

yeah

[wicked jungle]

9h for my mail to arrive

[iron escarp]

past-future queer typa deal over here

[wicked jungle]

the future queer sounds like an awesome superhero name tbh

[flint dagger]

hahahah!

[fiery steeple]

future perfect
we will have had been gay

[iron escarp]

it also sounds like a global stretch goal for queer acceptance

[fiery steeple]

oh yeah I would just like to vent for a moment

[wicked jungle]

the future is queer 👀

[hidden inlet]

Hell yeah

[wicked jungle]

go for it, fellow artemis 💙

[fiery steeple]

I was once verbally attacked on an old server because apparently "girls can't be gay"

lesbian apparently means something other than "a gay girl"

[wicked jungle]

gatekeeping queers are sad

[iron escarp]

gatekeepers are horrible

[fiery steeple]

and I'm just like "??? if you look at the dictionary definition of gay it's literally just 'homosexual' "

"no guys are gay and girls are lesbians"

[wicked jungle]

well that may just be a language misunderstanding?

[fiery steeple]

English was their first language

[iron escarp]

i doubt that

[wicked jungle]

some people limit "gay" to "male homosexual"

[flint dagger]

hwat. that makes no sense.

[wicked jungle]

idk if thats a language misunderstanding or how else to explain it better mb

[iron escarp]

this is true though

[flint dagger]

i can see that, but using that excuse that far to gatekeep someone is a stretch.

[iron escarp]

people do think that sometimes

[wicked jungle]

i used to misunderstand bi as "attraction to only two genders"

[fiery steeple]

I know that usually gay refers to a homosexual male
but it was the only time I had ever encountered someone to say that gay can't apply to girls

[supple brook]

Yeeeeesh I rage about the stupid infighting in queer circles every day of my life

[wicked jungle]

oh truetrue, but if that person was also the kind of human to educate others on their personal belief, it wouldnt be a stretch i guess?

[iron escarp]

me too but that was mostly because any kind of queer education is so lacking across the board

[fair osprey]

i learned gay as just "homosexual"

and it became basically another word for queer

[wicked jungle]

i used to misunderstand trans as a third gender too but i know better at least

just didnt have any other way of educating myself in a homophobic surrounding, i'm happy i got allowed to learn

[iron escarp]

i didnt even know nobinary existed until a few years ago smh

[fiery steeple]

it's not even like I was saying anything specifically about the definition
iirc someone posted a picture of a cute girl and I'm like "damn I'm gay"
and they said "but I thought you were a girl"
me: "??? I am a girl??"
"then how are you gay?"
me: ". . . because I like girls???"

[flint dagger]

which is more reason to see that as weird.

[wicked jungle]

i didnt know until THIS YEAR and i just went "oh wait, huh, that... explains a lot of things i'm feeling"

[flint dagger]

honestly we need more people with "yeah, sure, you go hun." mentality.

[wicked jungle]

but i'm still not accepting it as full part of myself cause of some family history so it's hard

[fair osprey]

its also annoying because I'm nonbinary but I'm AMAB so I still use "gay" as my sexuality because I just really like boys and masc enbies

[iron escarp]

i feel that, my parents/most of my family have made it clear they aren't supportive of lgbtq identities

[fair osprey]

🥺

[flint dagger]

ooo so that's what we're called?

[fair osprey]

huh?

[iron escarp]

i mean there isnt really ant well known terms for nonbinary people's sexualities i think

[fiery steeple]

there were a lot of terms that could refer to lol

[fair osprey]

AMAB means "assigned male at birth"

[pure oxide]

AMAB? (assigned male at birth)

[wicked jungle]

my family threatens me with electroshock therapy if i were to come out as non-straight, i gotchu brother ,_,

[flint dagger]

i'm kinda over it with trying to identify myself, honestly. it's just too much sometimes.

[fair osprey]

@pure oxide jinx

[pure oxide]

here in Germany??

[wicked jungle]

my parents are russian

[fiery steeple]

Jesus Christ come here I will protect you

[flint dagger]

no, i get the AMAB thing lol

[wicked jungle]

bro i wish

[iron escarp]

that is the worst, i hope you'll be able to break away from that nasty stuff at some point

[pure oxide]

oh shit, no wonder

[wicked jungle]

also the south is very homophobic so yeah

[iron escarp]

come to the netherlands, i'll keep you safe xddd

yeah i mean its kind of the same here

[wicked jungle]

i almost got to move away north to my university but rona happened

[pure oxide]

I mean, I live in Bavaria and I don't tend to find it that bad?

[fiery steeple]

damn we all over the globe

[wicked jungle]

i even bought a panromantic ace flag and new clothes i was so happy

[iron escarp]

like i grew up in a village in noord-brabant so like i know how it feels but conversion therapy was never really a thing people got threathened with

[wicked jungle]

my friends from bavaria are the worst when it comes to homophobia, they see it as normal
bavaria is a bit more christian than most states...

[iron escarp]

i actually moved just recently to a city close to my uni so i can be more myself now

[wicked jungle]

had to move back so i'm just closeted suffering

[flint dagger]

thankful that my friends so far are all "yeah, sure, you go hun." types.

[iron escarp]

here, have a virual hug👐

[wicked jungle]

https://tenor.com/view/hug-love-hi-bye-cat-gif-15999080

[iron escarp]

all of my irl friends are queer of some kind so im really lucky

like we're just a group of autistic queers in full solidarity to each other

[fiery steeple]

I'm so glad to have found a queer community that isn't dreadfully toxic

[wicked jungle]

i used to be part of a punk community house, hence why i got to learn that homophobia bad unlike what my parents were trying to feed me lol

[iron escarp]

agree, there's lots of places that dont accept asexual or nonbinary people

[wicked jungle]

i still dont understand why

like why are there so many "nb/trans/ace" awereness days? why is it getting more separated from the lgbt community?

[supple brook]

Oof, homophobic Russian parents solidarity :/

[wicked jungle]

wtf is wrong with people 😭

[fiery steeple]

in my experience I've found that most LG pretend it ends there and even then a lot of them avoid each other
a lot of the B pretend it ends there
and god damn some of the T I've met have just been the worst people

[supple brook]

Mine aren't nearly as bad as to threaten electroshock therapy though what the fuck

I hope you're safe

[wicked jungle]

i am not but I'm keeping quiet <3

[iron escarp]

the obvious answer here is because gatekeepers believe asexuality is just celibacy, and there are only 2 genders, and you can only be trans if this or that ugh

[wicked jungle]

but like why

[supple brook]

That's horrible and you deserve so much better. I hope you have the means to get out of there soon

[wicked jungle]

i'm trying ._.

[iron escarp]

they're right, you deserve so much better than you have rn

[fiery steeple]

the most toxic server I've ever been in was a transfem gamer server
and holy shit the gatekeeping and elitism
enbies not allowed unless you're feminine enough except for the mod who was completely andro and didn't even accept she/her

[flint dagger]

wow, what a hypocrite

[wicked jungle]

why does life have to be black or white, female or male, and why is sex so important for relationships???????

[iron escarp]

man that does sound v toxic

[iron escarp]

EXACTLY

ALL OF THAT

[fiery steeple]

I was once called a cunt and a cishet bootlicker for disagreeing with somebody's headcanon that went against expressly stated canon

[torn willow]

Yeah, like tiny bubbles of exclusionary circles keep forming even in the alphabet soup community

[wicked jungle]

I JUST WANT TO CUDDLE WITH MY S/O

WHO NEEDS AROUSAL