how do i do the resorce pack on a server? without frends knowing

[peak pulsar]

You have to go into the servers config and redirect it to a Dropbox link or similar. Unfortunately you can't force a resource pack without promoting it, what I did was merge it into a different one to disguise it.

[dreamy pumice]

Here's a disguised recent version of From The Fog as a resource pack, with pack.png changed to a default one and the description edited to remove references to From The Fog. Keep the datapack you have now, this is just the resource pack.
Upload it to a file hosting site, I would use https://mc-packs.net since it automatically gives you a resource-pack=############.zip and a sha1=############. also has no ads and is pretty easy to use
You add those lines that it gives you into your server.properties (replacing the default empty lines of those same names), and also set require-resource-pack=true