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#Tidal Wave
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upbeat agate
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sharp bear
i really like the poem @upbeat agate .. it is an amazing read
If I could peel the surface
and let the river inside me
spill like open waters.
really like this part the best!!
vocal warren
I am summoned!
This one fits the theme REALLY well, again the metaphors are breaking me they’re so good
I liked the lines
“For I risk being swept away,
losing more than breath and footing.
My dreams,
my hopes,
my ambitions.
All of it dissolving,
breaking apart like foam
for the lack of steady flow.
Now I sink into darkness
unable to glimpse
even the faintest light above.
For my body can't endure
the crashing tides
that close in on me.”
It kinda encapsulates how this “tidal wave” can consume a person entirely and completely, leaving no trace of who they were in the first place
Positive as ever, I do believe there is some way out of the great deep ocean of nothingness
Keep reaching for that light dear, it’s somewhere up there
GREAT POEM I LOVE IT, SLAYYYYY !!! ✨ ✨ ✨ ✨ ✨
swift monolith
This poem captures the feeling of inadequacy through ocean imagery extremely well. What makes it stand out is that the sea is not just aesthetic decoration here it becomes a metaphor for mastery, ambition, comparison, and fear all at once. The speaker isn’t simply drowning in water; they’re drowning in the pressure of wanting to become something greater while feeling fundamentally unequipped.
The opening is strong immediately:
“I wonder how my seniors
taught whole currents to bend
beneath their steady hands.”
because it frames experience almost mythologically. The seniors are not merely skilled they command nature itself. “Currents” bending beneath their hands makes expertise feel unattainably graceful, which perfectly establishes the speaker’s insecurity.
I also really liked:
“If I could peel the surface
and let the river inside me
spill like open waters.”
That’s probably one of the most emotionally revealing moments in the poem. It suggests the speaker already contains depth and potential internally, but cannot fully access or express it. The imagery feels vulnerable rather than grandiose.
And honestly, this section is excellent:
“How could someone like me
stir quiet waters awake
salted with rhythm and flow?”
because the phrasing mirrors hesitation itself. The speaker admires fluidity in others but feels disconnected from it. “Salted with rhythm and flow” gives the water a living pulse, something the speaker fears they cannot replicate.
The poem becomes especially strong whenever it slows down and lets the ocean imagery breathe naturally. For example:
“A whole sea-atlas opens,
pages unfurling like currents.”
is a beautiful metaphor for knowledge and learning. The ocean becomes something intellectual as well as emotional vast, mapped, yet still overwhelming.
I think the emotional turning point comes here:
“Such simple words break apart,
scattered by the backwash,
leaving me to tread alone.”
because suddenly language itself begins failing under pressure. The speaker can no longer articulate themselves clearly; even words are swept away by the force they’re trying to understand.
And the ending works very well:
“Now I sink into darkness
unable to glimpse
even the faintest light above.”
followed by:
“For my body can't endure
the crashing tides
that close in on me.”
The imagery becomes heavier and more claustrophobic, shifting from admiration of the sea into fear of being consumed by it. The ocean transforms from inspiration into suffocation.
If I had one suggestion, it would be tightening a few repeated ideas around sinking and losing control. The emotional trajectory is already very clear, so some lines could be compressed to make the strongest imagery hit harder. For instance, lines like:
“My dreams,
my hopes,
my ambitions.”
carry emotional weight, but the surrounding imagery already communicates loss beautifully. Trusting the ocean metaphors slightly more could sharpen the impact even further.
Overall, this feels like a poem about the terror of falling behind people you admire and the fear that talent, discipline, or greatness might belong naturally to others while you struggle simply to stay afloat.
Its amazing how your style just improves each day pls give me tips 😂🥲
solemn nexusBOT
upbeat agate
I think the emotional turning point comes here:
“Such simple words break apart,
...
how could i tighten it further?
how could i compress "my dreams, my hopes, my ambitions"?
swift monolith
Some tighter alternatives:
“All of me dissolving
like foam without a shore.”
or:
“Everything I carried
breaking apart like foam.”
or even simply:
“All of it dissolving
into restless foam.”
Because “dreams / hopes / ambitions” are already implied by your fear of drowning, you don’t necessarily need to state them outright.
You could also compress the surrounding lines together. For example:
Original:
“For I risk being swept away,
losing more than breath and footing.
My dreams,
my hopes,
my ambitions.
All of it dissolving, breaking apart like foam”
Could become:
“For I risk being swept away,
everything I am
breaking apart like foam.”
or:
“For I risk being swept away,
my future dissolving into foam.”
The second one especially keeps the emotional core while sounding cleaner and more fluid with the sea motif.
Another thing you can tighten is repetition around “sinking” and “darkness.” Since the imagery already accumulates naturally, you can trust shorter phrasing more. For example:
“Now I sink into darkness
unable to glimpse
even the faintest light above.”
could become:
“Now I sink too deep
to remember the light.”
Shorter, but still atmospheric.
These are just my opinion
upbeat agate
like that?
empty fern
really good imagery honestly. the water theme stays consistent the whole way through and makes the emotions feel natural instead of forced. it feels like admiration slowly turning into exhaustion and self-doubt. ending hits hard too because it feels quiet and hopeless rather than overly dramatic. it’s emotional, smooth, and very well written.