Why is it always me who compromises?
Who gives something up.
Who changes.
Who gives in.
Who learns to adapt to the new rules, the new expectations.
Am I just that much of a people pleaser?
Can’t hold my ground?
Can’t stand by what I want or need?
Some things I can give up, sure. I don’t need it all.
But I went from a leash to a cage
And it’s making me feel trapped, not comforted.
I don’t need to free roam
I know my recall can be questionable when I get excited
A leash works
A leash is fine
Freedom
Within limits
Like a fenced in yard
Freedom
Within limits
That’s something I can work with
But when my nature is to run
To play
To jump
To chase
And I’m put inside a cage?
I start losing bits of myself
The bit that enjoys the play
The bit that wants to run
And slowly
Bit by bit
I will start to lose other pieces of me
The pieces that crave the affection of the person who put me in here
That want their touch
Their gaze
Their love
Because if you wanted a dog that stays calm in a cage
Why did you get one that needs to run?
You did your research, you knew what I would need
And you chose me anyway
Then punished me for the parts you didn’t like
The things you knew were in my nature before you chose me
But I’m the one who can’t behave
Can’t obey
Because my nature doesn’t align with what you truly desired
A calm, sweet little lapdog
The kind that yowls from heartbreak when so much as you leave the room, even though they aren’t alone
I am not that yappy little thing
I will be sad you’re gone
But there are other people here
I can still get the love and attention I need while you’re away
And be just as happy when you come back as that yapping mutt would be.
I just don’t show it the same
And somehow
My nature has become a problem
Something I need to suppress
To hide
To lock away
To make myself into the perfect little pet you wanted
Mold myself into something I’m not
You said you wanted a big dog
With confidence and independence
But you wanted the small dog personality
And that just isn’t me
#You Wanted A Big Dog
fiery phoenix
lapis dust
Poet Extraordinaire
I preach under the namesakes
of my savior. I course the altar
of my life
that is mine to do.
to my virtue
I shall ascend.
Corpses of men over the hills and flowers have risen to their skull
Ploughing the surface of their graves to the reveal of the world
Thou art of Christ
was and still alive
i touched your skin
But not too long to realize it was
Snakeskin
Your blouse filled with citrus acid
I gained concentration in my own flesh within my unawareness
I proceeded through my bodies, lives, personalities, to come across my inner self
The depth I was digging into has been immense yet it reveals me
your shoulders wiping off heads that was in it
the hair stripes are silken through linen
to the edge of the universe and back of it
I adore you ferociously
you ruminate about the things you could’ve uttered
does the apple holds us a lifetime retribution?
current state of mind
eternal sunshine
you plot the twist you don’t twist the plot
The tick tack of your heart is hearn
my mother sugarcoats my father’s character and it is disturbing that I know it
It’s because I’m different
I didn’t think like any of them
I don’t take the pen for granted
It’s because
I am a poet extraordinaire
The fallout of many years ago was the drought
fiery phoenix
show dont tell final boss ngl
Can you explain further?