The things I never told you

[north grove]

I see you laughing, soft and free,
still safe from what will come to be,
your world is small, your heart is wide,
no need yet there for you to hide.

I almost whisper, “they’ll be cruel,
they’ll laugh at you, call you a fool,
they’ll pick apart the way you look,
turn you into their favourite joke.”

I almost tell you, “love will hurt,
they’ll say you’re everything—then desert,
you’ll give your all just to feel enough,
but still be told you’re not enough.”

I almost reach to pull you near,
to save you from each coming year,
from every word that cuts too deep,
from all the nights you’ll cry, not sleep.

But you just smile, no weight, no fear,
no voices yet inside your ear…

so I stay quiet. I let you be.
because that light won’t stay with me.

[atomic dagger]

The poem hits because it speaks from an older self to a younger one with a kind of quiet grief - watching innocence you know won't last, wanting to protect it, but knowing you can't without destroying the very light you're trying to save. The fenderness and restraint give it its emotional weight. Two ways to strengthen it are tightening a few lines so the rhythm stays steady, and sharpening the final image so the fading light lands with even more clarity, otherwise great work 🙂

[limpid vapor]

Actually, I quite enjoyed the rhyme breaks.
I'm more of a songwriter myself rather than poet. But regardless, in lyrical work it's commonly referred to as "Lyrical Misdirection."

If the author has established a predictable rhyme scheme (like AABB), they can "break" it to create a sense of tension or surprise.

With that being said; I see what you mean.
The break doesn't feel intended because our internal voice was preparing for AABB
but it didn't land well simply because of how we voiced it.

Many songs don't actually whyme, even if they sound like it. The singers simply phrase the sounds correctly like drawing out similar syllables and consonants.

I also wanted to mention something important. Why in the world would you use AI to write a response? what does that give you?

That simply degrades you as a writer and poet in my eyes, simply because you dont care to take you time and write a real response. Did you even read this beautiful poem before leaving a review?