#Her eyes Could(n't) ~~Chase me~~

42 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

simple thorn
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Her eyes

She holds zing in her hazel brown eyes.
For me, she is renown’d for her eyes.

One glace at her, time disappears,
I am forever bound to her eyes.

In a lecture hall full of people,
I’m a stranger, unknown in her eyes.

During early morning hours in class
The sunrise browns in her eyes

She told me she is a good swimmer,
I can swim yet would drown in her eyes.

When she's close to me in physics class,
My eyes dilate fast around her eyes.

When she has the math equation wrong,
I smile and see a clown in her eyes.

If I were to take her to the dance,
She would wear a gown that matches her eyes.

I hate that my eyes must look at hers.
I'm searching, yet not found in her eyes.

If only her eyes would land on mine.
I'm scared, she'll give a frown with her eyes.

Maybe one day she'll wear my sweater,
Sharing the hazel brown of her eyes.

I admire the sundown in her eyes.

Could(n't)

Tomorrow I'd ask her out, I told myself at night
Yet I also had a math test, that I took with fright
During the test I was way too stressed to write
It could(n’t) just be a bad timing. right?

After the test I waited until she was done
She came with her friend, yet I’d want to speak one-on-one
I was too stressed to act, just frozen in stun
It could(n’t) just be a bad timing.. right?

I followed her instagram later that Friday
I kept staring at my phone, unable to look away
When she accepted, I was dreaming, yet it was midday
It could(n’t) just be a bad timing... right?

We were texting a lot for only one whole week
Maybe we are both the same kind of physics geek-
Yet seeing you in class left me too stunned to speak
It could(n’t) just be a bad timing.... right?

Eventually I asked if we could meet
At first you said yes in a tone oh so sweet
Yet later you were too stressed to go out to eat
It could(n’t) just be a bad timing..... right?

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Message was too long, story contuines:

Chase me

Come run with me through the feral forest
Go with me, because you are my dearest
Please hold my hands oh so tight
Please chase me , That way I may even feel recognized

At dawn I chase the wobbly wind with(out) you
Run from all the things without a single clue
or maybe just away from me- myself
Please take my hand as we run through the sand
And chase me

I want you to hold, kiss and chase me
Come run away with me, till we reach deep into the sea
To feel special I want you to chase me
Yet deep down I know that the laws of physics won't change

All I want is to hear another heartbeat
Maybe I will feel special if you chase me

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rough explanation:

Without telling each other, I had a sunflower in my bio and she had a sun, mentioned in the line: "I admire the sundown in her eyes". The parenthetical Grammer: (blue/purple-ish colour) would(n't) collapses hope and dread into one word. with(out) collapses presence and absence into one word. |Chase me| makes desire and shame visible simultaneously, struck throught but still readable. Its something you want to tell someone but you cant. The titles of the poems form the sentence: Her eyes could(n't) |chase me|. The day cycle, This trilogy is a single day (yellow). Her eyes opens in the morning and end in chase me at dawn. The Sun rises into her eastern ghazal and sets into his western sonnet. the middle poem holds the uncertain light of noon, when everything is still possible. (Btw my eyes are blue (western) and hers are brown (foramlly eastern?). The ghazal is an eastern poetry form, structured and dsiciplined, hers. the sonnet that is broken is western, broken and mine. The murabba sits geographically between east and west, which is where the story of what happened between us lives. The lexicon of paralysis (dark green). Every poem contains a vocabulary of freezing. chase me is asking to be chased because he cannot chase.

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Maybe (green) Its the uncertainity of the situtation, not knowing what to do. also each refrain of wouldnt receaves more dots at the end, adding weight to the situation. Water/drown (blue) in her eyes its passive, overwhelming and happening to him, in chase me its the same drowning but its chosen, mutual and desired. Physics (purple) shared language of boy and girl, its also the science of forces acting at a distance, objects that almost collide and wave functions that collapse upon observation. he is living inside a physics problem. also the sunflower follows the sun, the laws wont change, neither does the sunflower stop with turning towards the sun. Stress mirror. im too stressed to act. she is too stressed to come. Zing (orange) in dutch lanuage means "sing" which is a double meaning to the word cuz she can sing beautifully :D. Further details of each indivual poem are mentioned in my previous posts. Any questions or feedback, please let me know!

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-# the poems will change over time, picture might be inaccurate

image.png
mint urchinBOT
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*-# the poems will

change over time, picture might

be inaccurate*

- ieladjah
simple thorn
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@mossy plover @teal anvil can yall ping people?

mossy plover
somber wigeonBOT
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@mossy plover has sent a notification! - @wind perch @fallow cypress @woeful grotto @old depot @proud crypt @craggy solar Use /help for help.

sleek merlin
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Chase me could use a redo, 1- the last two lines of the second stanza are a bit off
"please take my hand as we run through the sand
And chase me"
also the separate "And chase me" breaks the reading flow.
2- The third stanza repeats the feeling special from her chasing you. You could also write more clearly about knowing she does not want you rather, you still chase her to feel something even if indirectly.
3- "All I want is to hear another heartbeat
Maybe I will feel special if you chase me"
the first line here is good but the second one again is just another repition of the same idea and does not fit well with the first line.
The poem is good, it tries to explore but ends up on one idea, feeling special.

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I do love the first two poems tho, they are great.

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You do not have to rush anything to complete the idea of your three poems, be slow and patient with every word.

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Like in the first poem, you describe her eyes in so many different ways and not just
"eyes = beautiful"

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I also like how you use the
"oh so tight"
"oh so sweet"
i also like to use "oh so", it's a very sound word.

simple thorn
sleek merlin
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however, you can say I feel special if you chase me in different ways instead of stating it outright again and again.

simple thorn
simple thorn
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@wanton badger

simple thorn
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@iron lynx

iron lynx
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I like!!

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And the explanation toooo

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The one thing

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Grammatically

simple thorn
simple thorn
iron lynx
simple thorn
iron lynx
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Wait no ts one

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A bad timing

simple thorn
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Huh

iron lynx
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Take away the a

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It couldn't just be a bad time

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Or it couldn't just be bad timing

simple thorn
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Ah

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😭😭

simple thorn
simple thorn
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@teal anvil

teal anvil
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ohhhh

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oki ty

simple thorn
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@torpid palm

torpid palm
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Oh here