Who do I go to when I want to cry,
when midnight settles in my bones,
when every breath feels half a lie,
and silence answers all my phones?
I’m by the windowsill tonight,
my laptop open, glowing pale,
a yellow lamp too sharp, too bright,
like it’s determined I won’t fail
at looking fine, at staying still,
at holding everything in place,
while something heavy starts to spill
and I can’t even name its face.
The screen is there, an easy door,
a hundred names I could run to,
I’ve typed, erased, then typed once more
the things I’m scared to make feel true.
Because I know how this will end,
in softened words and careful tone,
in “I’m okay” I try to send,
while sitting here, entirely alone.
The typing dots would come and go,
like someone almost reaching me,
but never close enough to know
the weight of what I cannot be.
I don’t want DMs tonight,
don’t want to package how I break,
don’t want to dim this endless fight
to something easier to take.
I don’t want comfort through a screen,
that flickers, fades, then disappears,
that makes me feel almost seen
but never stays, never quite hears.
I want arms, real and steady, near,
not something distant, small, delayed,
I want to fall apart right here
and not feel like a debt unpaid.
But all I have’s this quiet room,
this light that hums, this open space,
this sense that something’s gone too soon
or maybe never took its place.
So I sit still. I do not send.
I let the words collapse inside.
I let the moment stretch and bend,
and keep it all I have to hide.
And if I cry, it’s soft, unseen,
between the glow and what is real,
caught somewhere in that in-between
of what I show
and what I feel.
#Who do I go to when I want to cry
vast burrow
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Who do I go to when I want to cry,
when midnight settles in my bones,
when every...
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Who do I go to when I want to cry
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