coffin

[gaunt patio]

People claim they know each other
yet wander strangers to themselves,
mirrors fogged with borrowed truths,
names without a soul to hold them.

They will never know.

Maybe the coffin carries our forgiveness,
sealed beneath wood and silence
but why doesn’t it splinter
under the weight of our sins?

Why does it stay whole
when we are not?

Let God carry the coffin,
for our hands tremble with emptiness.
Let Him bear the hollow we’ve carved
inside our own chests.

I surrendered to the final sleep,
let it take me gently.
but it had already arrived,
quiet as regret,
certain as the dark.

[unreal ruin]

Hey!! give me a min to read

damn, i need to read it again 😅

[gaunt patio]

Aww ok😭

[unreal ruin]

yet wonder strangers to themselves? is that what it was supposed to be?
or is it supposed to be wander

also
let me first say
THIS IS SUCH AN AMAZING POEM DUDE!!!
LIKE, REALLY

the imagery, the repetitions, the depth

all is so well guaged

well done brother!!

[gaunt patio]

Yeah, I meant wander like being lost within themselves rather than questioning...

[unreal ruin]

oh, thats even better!!

[gaunt patio]

aw thenkuuu 😭😭

[gaunt patio]

[unreal ruin]

but , it doesnt sound clear, dont you think?
like, even the statement "names without a soul to hold them” is interesting, but a bit hard to visualize.
maybe make it slightly more easier too visualize?

like, an image should project of a readers mind... i think

so that is why i said that

sol, if you dont mind, may i ask, what other language except eng do you speak in? i am sorry to invade ur personal space

[gaunt patio]

I get ur point. I was intentionally keeping it a bit abstract rather than fully visual.. but yea adding a sharper image would be great, Thanks for pointing it outtt

[gaunt patio]

Ahh no prob, i mostly speak malayalam, but ik som other like japanese, spanish,urdu

[unreal ruin]

to hindi aati he na?

[gaunt patio]

Thoda se

😭

[unreal ruin]

okay. basically, my eng is slightly poor in comparison, i might use it here and there...
but i just wanted to say that the entire thing is so well written, itna sundar he

and urdu is practically my mother tongue's close relative

[gaunt patio]

Woaa

[gaunt patio]

Aw thenku

[unreal ruin]

pero, soy hablo espanol, pero poco.. very less

i took it in high school

[hazy tiger]

Wonderful! @unreal ruin has just progressed to level 4!

[unreal ruin]

but , summarizing. i must say, thats it. overall, gr8 poem, gr8 wording, and pretty draftings.

i liked the way u used "splinter"

that was amazing

[gaunt patio]

Bien, aprendí a través de la película....

[gaunt patio]

Oohh

[gaunt patio]

Ooh ty for noticing that

[gaunt patio]

Tysm 😭

[unreal ruin]

yah, i might watch some movies or tv shows...

imma wait for someone else o give feedback too now 🙂

bye

[gaunt patio]

Oohh good