muted pagoda
i keep getting this feeling—
like something inside me is rotting,
quiet and unseen
and when you get too close
i panic,
like you’ll smell it,
like you’ll finally know
so i pull away before you can
flinch, before you can leave
i say it’s distance,
say i need space,
but really i’m just
trying to protect you
from whatever is wrong with me
and every time i push you
i feel it spread—
this sickness—
until loving you hurts
and losing you hurts more
i don’t know how to stay
without ruining it
i don’t know how to love you
without disappearing first
dusky wolf