#the wind can kiss

7 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

cinder raptor
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summer days smell of warm dirt,
and of wet trees,
and of sweet pollen.
carried on a whooshing breeze
into your heart
and spilling over onto your lips

gently, kindly,

that is how the wind loves.

and when its cold

and when its not

please smell the air

and find

that

no matter where you could be,
the wind, truly loves you.

trim nymph
#

Feels so niceee. One of the rare pieces I find in this server that don't force poetic voices or use archaic words to over-describe. It works so well for me because so physical sensations can be felt with so little use of words. That's real artistry

I enjoyed the lines after the paragraph because the enjambments or the spaces in between feel so airy/windy. Almost feels like a whisper. Love the sentence format of "and.. please... find that..." It's more of a me thing but it definitely feels better more natural/conversational that way as I was reading it. I feel though that the line "and find/that" can be conjoined together, unless you had an intention of separating them. Because readers enjoy conciseness, not just in words but the amount of lines too. So as a reader, I found myself struggling through the wind to get past the "and find/that" part already

Alot of people will appreciate the ending, I do too. But just from a literary standpoint, the last couple of lines feel wordy and more of a statement than an image, like it's instructing the readers. It's alright but usually effective writers end with an image that lets readers glean the thesis statement of your whole poem. All you'd have to do as the poet is make that image and trust that your readers are smart enough to know that the wind loves them through the image.

please smell the air

and find that

the wind will leave
inevitable kisses
that never leaves marks

this version isn't prescriptive, just a suggestion of how endings could look like

#

Would love to add you and tune in for ur next pieces!

cinder raptor
trim nymph
cinder raptor
cinder raptor