boreal wasp
Upon a black canvas
There is a white dot
Mysterious and curious
What is that white dot?
It's glowing and bright
Not a forgettable sight
Because it will always be there
As a glowing White Dot
When we take a closer look
Opening the book
We see dark patches around the dot
Dark and Light
With Brilliance and Gloom
When we take an even closer look
The dot is getting bigger and bigger
With brush strokes of the lunar seas
And tiny small dark dots
Too many flaws, yet so beautiful to see
slender willow
Pretty @boreal wasp
cedar coral
Nice descriptive pole about the moon @boreal wasp!
I do have some feedback for future pieces that will take your work to another level!
When metaphorically speaking about nature (in this case Glowing White Dot) for the Moon, you also want to include some good imagery as well. âBlack Canvasâ works beautifully at the beginning of the poem but then you lose this sens through the rest of the poem. If youâre going to speak about craters and imperfections later on in the poem, I wouldâve loved a deeper exploration and description into these âflawsâ rather than tiny small dark dots. Just this alone and improving and working in your imagery will help you improve a lot!
Additionally, you made a very interesting choice to capitalize Dark and Kight and Brilliance and Gloom as opposites. Though I like the choice, itâs not consistent with the rest of the poem and you also donât explore this juxtaposition again. For example, âBlackâ and âWhiteâ in the first stanza could be capitalized. Flaws and Beautiful at the end of the poem is also a possibility.
Thanks for sharing your piece, canât wait to see more in the future!