The Meaning of Peace | The Art of Poetry | Page 1

timid crystal Apr 5, 2026, 11:14 PM

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The good:

The opening image:

“Blue ribbon thrown and blown onto the grass,
They say it was cast by God.”

is ambiguous in a productive way. It invites interpretation without collapsing into vagueness. There’s a mythic tone here that holds.

The “Seven sisters” introduces an allusive layer, ahether or not it is meant to references something like Pleiades.

This line is especially strong:

“They are damned to see her forever
In the periphery.”

That’s specific, visual, and sharp. “Periphery” hits a short-cutting staccato rhythm. It implies proximity without access, which aligns well with the theme of unreachable peace.

The shift into the speaker’s presence:

“I come here to sit with them, and watch the stream.”

is handled smoothly. You don’t overannounce it, the poem just widens its frame.

The observational section:

“Women in tight wear, men holding selfie sticks.
Troupes of the young, and the spirited,
The aching and the eager.”

This is good. It’s grounded, contemporary, and contrasts well with the earlier mythic tone. The commentary on spectatorship and surface-level engagement is over-saturated territory, but it’s not overtly heavy-handed.

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The problems:

Some of the imagery feels underdeveloped or disconnected.

“Seven brown cows graze between them and her,”

This is interesting, but unclear in function. Are the cows symbolic? Are they completely literal? Right now, they feel like they were placed there because the scene needed “something,” not because they deepen the meaning.

The geographic line:

“They flock from Cliff Road and Beijing,”

“Beijing” is specific, but “Cliff Road” is vague. Is it a real place? A generic one? The imbalance makes the line feel uneven. One half is concrete, the other is placeholder-ish.

Then we get:

“They come for the sun that brings out the White.”

“The White” is capitalized, which suggests importance, but it’s not clearly defined. Is it cliffs? Foam? A structure? A symbolic purity? The ambiguity here leans toward confusion rather than depth.

The ending:

“I admire them,
They don’t know how you shine in shadow.
I want to surrender to that peace.”

Conceptually strong, but slightly undercut by abstraction.
• “shine in shadow” is familiar phrasing
• “that peace” feels vague after all the specific imagery earlier

It’s like the poem moves from concrete observation back into generalized language right at the moment it should be most precise.

tribal jackal Apr 5, 2026, 11:15 PM

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holy cow that's a lot of feedback.

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Thank you

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I hate to say that I've spent the last hour and a half rewriting bits and there's a new version, if you're interested:

Easter Sunday
Blue ribbon thrown and blown onto the grass,
They say it was cast by God.
Seven sisters, they wear away in the same gales,
It took their mother from them.
They are damned to see her,
Forever in the periphery.

Seven brown cows graze between them and her,
I come to sit with them, and watch the stream.
The tight wear, the classic cameras,
Troupes of the young, and the spirited,
The aching and the eager.
They flock from Cliff Road and Beijing,
They come for the sun that brings out the White.
I admire them,
They don’t know how it shines in shadow,
Is that peace?

.

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Seven Sisters is a place in England, it's very famous. Possibly not internationally. On your critiques:

I think the line They flock from Cliff Road and Beijing is actually a good line, the imbalance is why it works.
They come for the sun that brings out the White is literally the heart of the poem without that line you can't really crack the poem open (that and the shadow line)
I agree the ending was weak.