spirits part 1

[onyx panther]

I remember, hollow earth;

Doubt not I was the faithful king,
withstanding blood on my knee.
As the corridors be:
"Death!" As he stands-

I remember, hollow earth;

Sheltering my carcass. Under
light and sky. And the podium cries, as
it grows wary of the silence.

I do not remember, hollow earth;

[calm hare]

interesting poem, though what u mean here?

you mean death clearly but what is the message about it

also what do you mean by the earth being hallow?

@onyx panther

[onyx panther]

the message?

[calm hare]

yes

[onyx panther]

err idk for how royal you are

even if you are a king

people die

or sum

and people will come to forget you

and hollow earth is the nickname that king gave

for the world

cuz they don't remember him anymore after his death

[calm hare]

i think maybe there needs to be more structure to convey that message. for example if you mean the kiing saying the earth is hallow so put quote marks

but you have good imagery, maybe needs refinemnt about the silence or podiuem

[onyx panther]

ah I see

[still snow]

the speaker sounds like a 'faithful king' who didn't run away when things got bad. the 'blood on my knee' makes me think of someone who stayed to the very end, maybe even dying in battle or while protecting his people.

to me, the 'hollow earth' represents a tomb or a void (of some sort idk). at first, he remembers it, maybe he's looking back at the world he left behind. but by the end, he says 'i do not remember,' which feels like his soul is finally drifting away or losing its human identity as he becomes a spirit.

the image of the 'podium' crying because it is 'wary of the silence' is super haunting. it feels like the kingdom is empty now. the halls that used to be full of noise and people are just silent, and even the objects are grieving because the king is gone.

overall i'd say you have a great way with word economy since you could use few words to make a heavy haunting and ancient atmosphere. great work!