vanish | The Art of Poetry | Page 1

cyan birch Apr 4, 2026, 2:39 AM

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I don't know if we will make it to the morning-
All I hear is you, close and urgent

Let's make it last
You and me moving fast-
Through them crowds
Out come the clouds
Rain pouring as we run to your red Chevy
All I hear is your breathing getting heavy-
Second by second—tension
rain dripping from your chin
that smile lighting up my world
making existence fade into the background

Turning towards me-
laughing tears of joy
your hand lifting up towards my face
that lightning tattoo climbing up your arm
all the way up that neck
my initials marking its end

My hair already sleek
Ready to vanish with you—our shadows merging
Let's become ghosts in the backseat

quiet grail Apr 4, 2026, 2:43 AM

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Wow

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I thought the second stanza was going to be my favorite but then those last two lines just completely blew me away

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I think this captures the romantic tension of the moment like perfectly, so I don't think I have much constructive feedback

cyan birch Apr 4, 2026, 2:45 AM

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well thank you and im really happy you enjoyed it :))

quiet grail Apr 4, 2026, 2:46 AM

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I was going to say some of the rhymes felt a bit forced but honestly I think it kinda works with the tone of the poem

cyan birch Apr 4, 2026, 2:46 AM

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i appreciate it and ill look out for that in the futuree

quiet grail Apr 4, 2026, 2:47 AM

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It's actually an interesting juxtaposition that I think shows the intensity of the energy between the two individuals. The words used are so brash and intense yet also beautiful

cyan birch Apr 4, 2026, 2:47 AM

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I usually write in from a guys prespective its my first time writing in a girls perspective

quiet grail Apr 4, 2026, 2:47 AM

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I hope to write a poem like this about my love one day

cyan birch Apr 4, 2026, 2:48 AM

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I wish mines liked me back😭

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hes so confusing

quiet grail Apr 4, 2026, 2:48 AM

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cyan birch I wish mines liked me back😭

A few months ago, mine liked me back

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It was the first time someone liked me back

cyan birch Apr 4, 2026, 2:48 AM

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oh waww

quiet grail Apr 4, 2026, 2:48 AM

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And it has been like the best ever since

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He's great

cyan birch Apr 4, 2026, 2:49 AM

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mines is js so shy but he has like yk how guys can be shy but have sm ego

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thats basically mines

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hes a softie w me

quiet grail Apr 4, 2026, 2:49 AM

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All I've been writing about but I've found it hard to write about

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Aw

cyan birch Apr 4, 2026, 2:49 AM

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quiet grail All I've been writing about but I've found it hard to write about

if u want i can send u some of my songs i listen to

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they help me

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ALOT

quiet grail Apr 4, 2026, 2:50 AM

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Sure. I think I'm kinda breaking my writer's block though

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I spent this whole week writing this poem

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Can I show it to you?

cyan birch Apr 4, 2026, 2:50 AM

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yeah ofc u already added me

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lets go there

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ill read it

quiet grail Apr 4, 2026, 2:51 AM

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Oh yeah also. Is there a gaga reference in the penultimate line of your poem?

cyan birch Apr 4, 2026, 2:51 AM

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quiet grail Sure. I think I'm kinda breaking my writer's block though

i had writers block like 30 minutes ago i swear

quiet grail Apr 4, 2026, 2:51 AM

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cyan birch ill read it

#1489810074518946013

nocturne karma Apr 4, 2026, 3:50 AM

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cyan birch I don't know if we will make it to the morning- All I hear is you, close and urg...

The rhyming scheme, imagery and emotions are all good.

Although, I somewhere feel like it lacks some depth. Trying adding some metaphors and poetic devices in your work.

I like the last two lines alot!...

Goodluck!...

#vanish