"Numbness".

[sick pasture]

Numbness

Sounds.
Echoes.
Words that are not for me,
nor mine.

People.
Far away.
Merely mirage of calm.

'Me, Myself and I',
the only thing I'll ever say—
I need no other word,
you always with me.

But even when I feel
your eyes on mine,
I still feel numb.
As I'm stuck in time.

Because I see them,
from afar—
I hear them talk,
I hear them laugh.
But they always walk away,
leaving me behind.

I'm on display,
a cold sculpture.
In a blasting museum hall—
to see and enjoy,
and then go home.

But I'm still here,
All alone—
amid empty marbles,
amid your empty gaze.

In total numbness.

[glacial quest]

It's beautiful! @sick pasture and it gets better love. Sending warm wishes 🫶

[sick pasture]

thnk u @glacial quest

[vernal mortar]

Love the imagery and metaphors. It's sort of my taste so I really like reading this.

The depth is good in this one, although the closure is a bit linear.

Goodwork overall!...

[sick pasture]

thnk u cupid
if you don't mind,
wht do u mean by "linear" and wht u recom me to practice?
-# i wanna get better at this

[vernal mortar]

My pleasure!...
Linear is like a bit plain if you get that
It's like, it's good but can be improved.
Try expanding your vocabulary with heavy weighted words.

Gothic words or the old-era words work better for such themes.

[sick pasture]

:0 oh gotcha

I'll try that then
thnk u so much cupid for ur honest opinion

appreciate 🤍🌷