#The trails of my existence.

29 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

soft zodiac
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Are the trails of my existence the problem?
Is just me that the footprints that are left
scare me? Scared for what is to come.
I can't go back to where I am from.
I am not welcome.

All I can do is longingly lookback crying.
Crying for what should have been.
I always try to walk in these moments, but I
find myself starting to run so I don't have to
take in a scenery that breaks me. Why do I
have to suffer for all this? I have to finally stop.

Heart beating. I coil myself onto my knees.
I am so alone. I am so tired. The tears and
the pain that sees no change. I stand up
and collect all the non-existent pieces left.
I walk haggardly. I think of her. A branch that
has fallen off. I am moving to a new place.
I will never see her again. We are magnets
that repel. A familiar hell that divides us.

nova pawn
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do you want feedback?

soft zodiac
nova pawn
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honestly the first thing would be the format

abstract vector
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it reads like someone who’s monologuing in a really good way. like a broken confrontational

abstract vector
nova pawn
abstract vector
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like it kind of reads like andrew scott’s rendition of to be or not to be from hamlet

nova pawn
soft zodiac
nova pawn
# soft zodiac Elaborate.

i just feel like if it was in paras or had some breaking to give a pause the message could have even more depth

abstract vector
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i’d divide it into two stanzas

nova pawn
abstract vector
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maybe after the stop

nova pawn
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it would give the poem a pulse

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other than that its awesome

soft zodiac
# abstract vector maybe after the stop

I get what you are saying actually. I just wrote this. When I was writing the poem, it was like a scene in my head that's why I wrote it like that so I didn't think of dividing it.

soft zodiac
# nova pawn it would give the poem a pulse

I get what you are saying actually. I just wrote this. When I was writing the poem, it was like a scene in my head that's why I wrote it like that so I didn't think of dividing it.

west flintBOT
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@soft zodiac has sent a notification! - @jovial yacht @tacit fable @true basalt @drowsy flume @void rain @thorny portal

nova pawn
soft zodiac
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The trails of my existence.

void rain
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"I always try to walk in these moments, but I find myself starting to run so I don't have to take in the scenery that breaks me."
"I coil myself onto my knees"

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👀 kinda curled up in my seat, ngl

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Thank you for sharing a piece, it will definitely linger

true basalt
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This is so goated

soft zodiac
void rain
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@wide forge

wide forge
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They already said the feedback I was going to say :<

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It's a narrative of emotions and imagery.