Hug of Paramour

[high pike]

This is really good. I like how the encounter with the paramour and ensuing feelings afterward are kinda described like the person was haunted. Like the memory is hazy and it doesn't feel real but has left this horrifying mark on the narrator

And the encounter results in some sort of violent awakening within the narrator

Both people involved in the moment are kind of described as like somewhat dead beings, breathing some life into eachother with the encounter

This is really well done

"The lung-burst of a drowning man Who finally finds the sky at the bottom of the sea" is probably my favorite line

I interpret it as like him finding some life and possibility in this deep, forbidden encounter

[lavish yarrow]

@high pike is now following @native ember.

[native ember]

Thank you 🤍

[high pike]

Yeah, no problem. This poem deserves like all the praise it can get

What this poem does, being able to transport the reader to a magical but kinda morose scene, is what I strive to do in my writing

Can I tag you on a poem I just finished the other day? I think, based on your craft here, you could probably give really good feedback on how to improve it

[native ember]

Sure!!

[high pike]

Okay, thanks. Warning: it's kinda long

[native ember]

It's okay! I'll still read it : )

[mossy marlin]

66 gave you the feedback needed, and just a thought on my end.

There are lines that can be shortened, this can give more impact and meaning to your work.

Take this for example

"A frozen statue melting into the summer of your chest."

"Who finally finds the sky at the bottom of the sea"

These are beautiful imagery, yet is long that it gives bump to the flow of your work. So cut a few words but keep the idea.

Nevertheless, I like your work :3

And I hope that you'll continue on writing because this is absolutely divine