I met my cure

[gritty sail]

Awww 🥰

Well done dear😘

You’re fantastic🥳

Applause on your performance 👏🏽

[hollow dock]

Wonderful! @gritty sail has just progressed to level 2!

[final trellis]

There is a lot of powerful motions running in your heart but I would still try and cut this poem down with as much as possible. Quite frankly I see the stuff for three maybe four love poems instead of one. I think you also agree that it’s too long

[ebon fable]

yeah been having a problem with that

how do I shorten the poem

poems

I have one which isn't that took long I think? could you take a look

[final trellis]

Try to summarise five sentences with one.. basically imagine that your every last breath could produce one last sentence telling the world of who you were

Yeah sure buddy no problem

[ebon fable]

got it

thanks

[final trellis]

Good man

[ebon fable]

thank you can I tag you in some of my other poems

[gritty sail]

Of course

[gritty sail]

Of course

[ebon fable]

thank you there is #1486760946754916402 which is very short and then #1486786532420485331 which isn't that long and #1486757545367310506 but it's pretty long so js leaving a warning

[ebon fable]

@zealous juniper

[zealous juniper]

3rd stanza - put a comma after TRUE LOVE and before LIES

4th stanza, last 3 lines , feel there should be a piece of punctuation there. After MET YOU, to slow the poem down , as with romance poems , the flow is typically slower.

Last stanza - JUST THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF WARM - I'd change WARM to WARMTH.

Overall , a very confessional romance style poem and very well executed.

@ebon fable

[ebon fable]

polished and done how's it now and please leave a star thank you

[hollow dock]

Wonderful! @ebon fable has just progressed to level 3!

[topaz quail]

@ebon fable

what were you thinking while wirting though this?

honestly this isnt a horrible piece, its imagery is pretty good!

but it feels like your streaching it longer and longer repating the same things

I thought love was fake,
with a mask worn tight,
but you showed true love
lies in the heart,
and your heart
is most pure, full of light,
my heart never wanted
to leave or stray apart,

cause you aren't
someone to win,
you were earned,
you were careful
when it came to trusting
and letting people in,
but you chose me
and I can't be more grateful,
for I'm the girl
you chose to bring in.

[ebon fable]

yeah the same pattern

I get what you mean

[topaz quail]

look at these 2 stanzas.

[ebon fable]

I don't think I write help-

[topaz quail]

thats okay but you have to refine thoughs ideas

[ebon fable]

okay where are you going with this

cause me don understand

[topaz quail]

what do you think is wrong over here?

[ebon fable]

honestly..

no idea

[topaz quail]

intially when you write a poem, it just comes through in a flow and you wirte whatever. but then you have to go back and see how the poem is, fix some lines, read it again and again, take some lines out

because its then when you make it turly good

[ebon fable]

yeah

go on

[topaz quail]

the stanza i selected, they dont feel like apart of the poem because theyre way to much overdiscribing a feeling. a feeling that every lover feels but in poems we try to make them look elegant and by that it means not to name them directly but use your imagies maybe of nature and compare, you can name it but then use the right words

let me show you a poem

[ebon fable]

yeah

I could try to write a shortened vers or a slightly different vers and if I do I'll tag you

[topaz quail]

look at this poem

its so short, but its so simple

i know someone who kisses the way a flower opens

[topaz quail]

try reading more

without reading you wont have an idea how to write.

and copy poets styles

[ebon fable]

if it's a book can I ask which book

and thank you

[topaz quail]

it will help

[ebon fable]

definitely

[topaz quail]

devotions by mary oliver

[ebon fable]

thanks a lot for the advice

[ebon fable]

thx

[topaz quail]

or a thousand mornings, blue horses

they're all simeple and easy

welcomee

[ebon fable]

these books too?

[topaz quail]

love to see your next work

yepp

[ebon fable]

there is one I'm proud of

it's a bit dark
but if you're open to it

[topaz quail]

sure tag me

[ebon fable]

I could tag u

alr

[ebon fable]

@granite carbon

[ebon fable]

@clear pond

[clear pond]

I think reading the last two, they're great but they're kinda of hard to follow through (because of the length maybe). The writing is sparse, like something a poet would write in one sitting and they'll do it freely.

I don't like the ride and my dear cancer are my favourites. When I became a man is too good, fully complete I feel. @ebon fable

Byee, I really liked reading your works.

[ebon fable]

yes that is how it happened, except I kept adding more and more later...

oof-

[ebon fable]

thank you a lot but there's one more and if you could leave feedback on it I'd appreciate it thanks you don't have to do it rn if you're busy and if you want you could leave it

[ebon fable]

thank you and I hope to one day read yours when you feel ready to post here

[hollow dock]

Wonderful! @ebon fable has just progressed to level 6!

[ebon fable]

tag me if you ever do

[clear pond]

Thanks, I'll surely do!

[ebon fable]

great

[clear pond]

Do you mean a wound for leverage?

[ebon fable]

yes

[clear pond]

Actually by the two, I also meant that one.😅

[ebon fable]

ohh sorry my bad got it now

and definitely

cuz the leverage one I intended to make it complicates

somewhat

[clear pond]

Yeah, also... I am kinda not really comfortable with the topic it surrounded (however soft it was), so didn't leave a review on it. It's a me thing, really.

[ebon fable]

oh sorry and that's okay we all have our limits and sorry if it made you uncomfortable I'll put a tw on it and i completely understand i hope you're better now

[clear pond]

Haha, it's not a issue. You don't need to do that.

[ebon fable]

I should to be safe