Poem 3 : Pain - The Convalescence

[solid glade]

PAIN - THE CONVALESCENCE

My heart, amid needles, dread;
My mind fails as thoughts feed.
Needles of the love I once felt-
Thoughts of you I not once dealt.
Call of need to waver a weight:
Weight of my trust-loaded freight.

​Beam of my firmness sailed south;
Lush of my hope has veiled drought.
Raining debris all o’er my pleas,
Sooted cloaks flooding my flees-
Broke forth my fate, my rage aged;
Swirled by serpents, a caged sage.

​Not once I believed you as fake;
And for once, address this awake-
That you’ll restore this tie to shape.
For I entrusted the tie for eternity;
You, as a brother, I forged identity-
All this rubble to host for enmity?

​O’er whom shall I vest my reliance?
With whom shall I find my silence?
Who’ll withstand my torment? Arise-
Whilst they unfasten my shackled ties,
With no judgment, with no dyes?

​Void of drive to fight fate, I stand;
In the desert with no life, I land.
Hasting to trace out for a remedy,
With none I resonate my melody;
For I alone shall unmask this felony.

​Oh heavens, it’s the time I rise again,
As my heart shall reign over pain.
Forge my resilience-whet once more,
Shearing the fabric of fate to the core;
For I shall endure this world even more!

March 2026

Poem 3 : Pain - The Convalescence

[mighty sluice]

A+ for emotional resonance.
A+ on the meter. the rhythm is impeccable. amazing work

[vast plover]

Strong piece overall. It has a heavy, wounded feel, and the turn near the end into strength works well.

The ending is probably the strongest part. It feels more direct and lands better emotionally. The middle has atmosphere, but could use a little tightening.

[outer arrow]

I agree with Daz the ending is the strongest part, which I fear may weaken your poem as an overall, say, competitive piece.

Try and match the pace throughout the poem , as although the ending is strongest, the pace changes quite sharply.

[solid glade]

Thanks a lot ,I'll try to improvise the middle part and try to bring it on par with the last ❤️

[solid glade]

Thanks a lot for your feedback and also for me to match the pace , do I have to change the metaphors/wordings or do I have to add another stanza to bring out a better transition .

[outer arrow]

I would say add a middle stanza to make the transition smoother

[shell patio]

*I would say add a

middle stanza to make the

transition smoother*

- finn.morgan.reid

[solid glade]

@vast plover @outer arrow I tried my best to improve the continuity of the poem , feel free to condemn my weak points

[vast plover]

I'll have a look.

[solid glade]

@static latch @frozen eagle @deep lava @sharp dagger

[sharp dagger]

"Hasting to trace out for a remedy, with none I resonate my melody;" like this line the most

Overall the theme and execution is perfect! Love how the last stanza makes it more meaningful instead of ending it on the bad side

[solid glade]

I'm feeling proud of myself

[sharp dagger]

[pure ocean]

@sharp dagger is now following @solid glade.

[static latch]

You finally posted it!!!

Well done