The shore

[last spear]

Whoa

Whoa whoa whoa

[smoky vector]

[smoky vector]

Waddya think

[last spear]

It’s like a movie
In my brain

[smoky vector]

Haha I love this

[last spear]

I honestly don’t know what to say. On a server full of doom, gloom, edgy, depressed, and poorly written garbage, here’s a perfect piece.

Coherent
Visual
I can feel the chill of the salty ocean air in the night
I can feel the sand slipping through my fingers

[vivid sedge]

I second this

It’s a very refreshing kind of piece to see

One slight nitpick on a more cursory reading is the “Extending his finger, it fluttered there, gently” — it reads as though the finger fluttered and not the butterfly

[smoky vector]

LMAOOOOOO

This is killing me

😭😭😭

[smoky vector]

Thank you

That’s actually a good point you know, interesting

[vivid sedge]

Sorry I can’t provide much more detailed feedback, this style of poetry is hardly something I can make a more or less sound judgment on, but I can say that it was at the very least not embarrassing to read as many things here, and at the most a very beautiful piece. Congrats either way

The fact it actually has a coherent VISION and a NARRATIVE is already a most elevating feature

[smoky vector]

Oh sorry I meant to quote the finger thing here, since I didn’t this message looks like I’m being sarcastic. Don’t worry, reading is already enough to make me happy :))

[vivid sedge]

You never offended so okay

[smoky vector]

Thank you v much, honestly I’m not even too sure what kind of style this is but yeah haha

[smoky vector]

❤️❤️

[vivid sedge]

Broadly it’s free verse; I’m more of a formalist, hence the hesitancy