Light

[solar matrix]

Unbroken
Unspoken
Untouched
Unloved

To be let in the light
She must reveal at night
Diamond tears as the geese take flight
Fading girl found herself to be bright

Though was it absurd
That she felt to be heard

Oh ignoring all malicious intents
For the feeling of being yearned for in bed
He loves me not - he loves me for show
He loves so I’ll put on a show
He pretends to love so my light glows

But how many sparks are lit by his match?
Unknowingly all under his catch?
How many lights flicker like me?
How many girls does he pretend to set free?
Oh how many delusions was I fed by you?
Is that why it hinted of sour and blue?
Why it never quite flowed when I wasn’t undressed?
Why all you wanted was to cause my distress?

Yet no diamonds fall from my cheeks tonight
No you will not get that - not the delight
I’ll be hurt, I’ll be tainted and yes I’ll be navy
I can’t place my feelings as of lately
Maybe I’ve drowned so much in your moods
Maybe I’m numb to your infections of blue
But yet I have not confronted you

[clear jasper]

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[solar matrix]

@foggy tree I wrote these three today

[granite solstice]

So so which part in here seems uncomfortable with ya?

[solar matrix]

It just doesn’t feel like me

Idk

It feels blocky and beginner like how I started

[granite solstice]

Oh I see, does seems forced a bit ish

[solar matrix]

I felt like I used to have creative metaphors for hurt or
Smth
Better than this

This just seems so basic

I can try to find an old one to ping u if u want
But no pressure

[granite solstice]

Lemme see, how about this,
I can see two directions that clash,
One is in a sense jewelry or ornaments,
The other is a stage show

Thinks this might be an anchor to tailor ya other metaphors

[foggy tree]

Honestly? Out of the three, this one is a lot more cohesive, in fact, the most cohesive one. Imo ofc

It flows well, and there definitely seems to be a bit of an elaborate story within this poem.

Though the format could be a smidge better, same with the flow, I’d say it isn’t that bad. Just a bit of fine tuning

Ofc, this is just my opinion

[granite solstice]

My bad id I ain't much of a help

[solar matrix]

I agree dw

[solar matrix]

Ooh good idea

[granite solstice]

Also if ya is leaning towards jewelry ya may want to find inspiration for the process of it, and also how one can imitate it... and what the jewelry will be used for

And for the stage shows there's a lot of varients ya could go for...

One instance is a mime, a silent actor

Ya can even see it through celebrities... tailoring themselves to fit their audiences, see how that affects them

[native spoke]

WHATRT

HOW IS THIS NOT ON STARBOARD

AHAHSHEHJS😭

[clear jasper]

@native spoke is now following @solar matrix.