#Smoke and mirrors (in the sky)

12 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

proven locust
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Smoke and mirrors
descend the sky
watch them all
go by:
— same few ones
not so different
not so exciting
not so pretty —
Smoke and mirrors
float the sky
give me wings
why not me?
not so
different
am I?

Smoke and mirrors
float the sky
praise with
crossed fingers
behind
Smoke and mirrors
make the sky
let me float
just for once
why not
why not
why not

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@inland glade

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wait wrong claude lol

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@lone plank

lone plank
dusty palm
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That is really good man

valid prairieBOT
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lone plank
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I like the repetition at the end

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I just wanna hug u bro 😔

crimson crow
# proven locust Smoke and mirrors descend the sky watch them all go by: — same few ones not so d...

haii this poem is so beautiful !! i particularly loved the line breaks and stanza structure. the use of repetition to close the poem makes your closing extremely strong. it gives a sense like, pounding a nail, if that makes sense? like, your driving this point home of being excluded and being on the outside looking in. it also has the added effect of each line evoking a more and more lonely feeling. at the end of the first stanza, i LOVED the repetition in sentence structure, that's called anaphora. it was definitely a delight to read through that part, because i don't see it that much anymore. all in all, it's structured almost like 2 thoughts that are trailing off, and that is so beautiful to me.

normally, in this part i would offer some critiques, but i'm not sure i'm in a place to give critiques lol. this poem really is special. it's short, says everything it needs to say, and is free from fluff. i LOVE this poem !!

digital seal
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This is great! Big lover of minimal punctuation and to trust the reader to flow with the shape of it. Very wispy, very wispy. 🖤