#k. (her initial)

40 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

static crypt
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The love and yearning in your words are clear my friend, every emotion can be felt in every sentence

pale adder
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@mossy gyro , its a bit long but ill appreciate it if you would read it

mossy gyro
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The similes here are fun to read.

Love feels like a deaf cat crossing the road, paying no attention to the ongoing traffic


it feels like the eternal sunshine of the spotless mind,

it feels like the choice to come running back to you when you've set me afree,```

I like these, very cute.

I will say, you could try some lineation!
What I mean by that is to cut the lines
by doing this
type of
sentencing.

It does not work every time, but learning it will help emphasise on your lines!
Let me take one to showcase an example :

```As if you were a picturesque mosaic
of all the things you've loved before and will after.

My canvas is in monochrome however,
its all of my favourite things about you, 
its all in my head sewn together, not for long just forever.

Love feels like a deaf cat crossing the road, paying no attention to the ongoing traffic, 
not caring about his own life as if it was born to reach the other end.```

The lines now appear as both standalone and pairs horizontally.
They can help with readability and impact.
pale adder
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yeaaa

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i get it a lot

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cuz my typing is very crumpled up

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and people usually read everything together

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which its not meant to be read together

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ill definitely fix that and space out everything neatly

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thanks for the elaborate review ❤️

mossy gyro
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I will say not to overdo it? As it kind of has a stigma of being a little corny,
so experiment with yourself! What feels right, looks fine, and serves the message.

pale adder
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ohh right

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you read the continuation tho right

mossy gyro
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Oh yeeye

pale adder
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some people miss this

mossy gyro
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This one here I am actually okay with since the longer lines help with the emotive thought.

But if love is truly real and if it ever arrives, i hope it feels like poetry, and you, I hope that in that moment, it feels like the feeling when you stare deep into my eyes and those perfect petals punctuate the painful poetry that your eyes recite, reminding me of your uncontrollable sorrow, and how you beautifully coexist with nature in perfect harmony.

This is already perfect as is.

pale adder
# mossy gyro Oh yeeye

thanks for your time
i want to keep learning from you and maybe ill @ u if i need help honestly 🥹

mossy gyro
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I have done my fair share of these longer paragraphic stanzas.

pale adder
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wow

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how long have you been writing

mossy gyro
mossy gyro
pale adder
pale adder
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u da real goat

mossy gyro
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xD

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Thanks for the compliment, flattered to be considered.

pale adder
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@sterile umbra

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thanks 🥰

sterile umbra
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this is very long

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i’ll read it later

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for sure

pale adder
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thats what my dad always says when i show him something

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but okay

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thanks for not getting angi at me anymore

sterile umbra
pale adder
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id be proud to have such a cool dad tbh

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ur not really cooler than him tho 🔥🔥

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still berry cool