Midnight Visitor

[hollow trail]

Why did you write this poem

[wet owl]

Wonderful! @hollow trail has just progressed to level 7!

[hollow trail]

I will give a review but I think it's important for me to understand why

[timber musk]

i'm not sure actually. this one needs a lot of work and i might need to misplace some lines here and there but i wanted to get this rough version out there.

[bright sundial]

@timber musk has sent a notification! - @twin harness @stiff pier

[stiff pier]

Yay

Glad to see an Emerald poem

[timber musk]

you make me seem like i write in golden

[stiff pier]

Lovely

[stiff pier]

https://tenor.com/view/fire-writing-gif-24533171

[timber musk]

@stable lantern @oblique reef

[stiff pier]

Emerald do you know anything about chemistry

[timber musk]

remind me of harry potter

[timber musk]

the subject kind, bit yea

i study it too

[stiff pier]

How does water work? I have to prove it’s existence with mathematics

So far I’ve got this:

[timber musk]

i'm sorry dear, i'm not a chemist yet, i study high school level of science😭

[stiff pier]

Dammit

[timber musk]

that looks awesome by the way even though i get nothing

[oblique reef]

Beautiful as always 🔥
Also this line man
"A wolf in sheep's clothing
Is a sheep lest it gets caught"

[stiff pier]

I showed my geometry teacher one of my good equations and now I’m proving waters existence with math

I hate this so much

[timber musk]

wut??😭

[oblique reef]

Im literally studying quantum physics rn this is hurting me

[stiff pier]

Now I have to study water

[timber musk]

i walk among physicists, i feel like a being of higher order

hats off to you both for choosing quantum physics

[oblique reef]

Its high school and yet we have to learn it 😔

[stiff pier]

Dude I’m in geometry and I’m doing equations that are in string theory equations

I hate my life

[oblique reef]

I hate ur life too just listening to it

Good luck man

Thats making me feel good about my quantum theory

[timber musk]

good luck you both, yall need it more than me

[stiff pier]

At least you don’t have to prove water exists

Like bro I know he can see it in that damn cup

[oblique reef]

Thank god for that

I wouldve drowned myself in it tbh

[stiff pier]

I’m debating

[oblique reef]

You can do it

Not the drowning part

The solving part

📖🔥

[hollow trail]

I see thank you

I will give an honest indication of what is to be improved. Although style matters alot

You need to have a clear direction for the poem or else there is no way of designing it to a higher level

Vocabulary and diction aren't the most important part of poetry

[timber musk]

yes

[hollow trail]

I think you should change the way you are rhyming

That would probably make everything come together

[timber musk]

it needs a lot of improvement, but i just finished it and thought to do it tmr after some more direction

[hollow trail]

I see

[timber musk]

i tried but i think the way the sentences link together, rhyming makes them change meaning

if i write a sentence i first find the appropriate rhyming words, then make the next line but it doesn't always work with the theme

[hollow trail]

thats probably your issue

Please consider a stress based rhyme scheme

[timber musk]

hm?

[hollow trail]

Stress is the emphasis you place on syllables

[timber musk]

mhm

[hollow trail]

Each syllable is either soft or hard

[timber musk]

so i should make the rhyming word the center of the line?

[hollow trail]

Wait I will get an example and capitalise the hard syllables

I reLEASE what was buried beNEATH,
You deCEASE in the quiet of GRIEF.

[crude peak]

*I reLEASE what was

buried beNEATH, You deCEASE

in the quiet of GRIEF.*

- toxic_waster

[timber musk]

ahh
i get it

[hollow trail]

its linking the stressed syllables correctly

[timber musk]

thank you for that tidbit of info

[hollow trail]

no problem

i can't wait to see a revised edition

[timber musk]

i hope it'll be upto your expectations, i just hope doing that doesn't change what the poem is tryna convey, otherwise i'll just make it a free style

[hollow trail]

There is nothing wrong with free style but remember, free style is a choice of will not work

[timber musk]

mhm

i might also just give up and do freestyle either way

[hollow trail]

oki

thank you for the poem

it was supremely beautiful

[timber musk]

thanks for the insight

[timber musk]

i asked someone but don't get your hopes up, 75% sure they know nothing at all either

[stiff pier]

lol

Thanks Emerald

So far I’m explaining phase transitions via thermodynamics

[timber musk]

will tell them

[timber musk]

no worries

[hollow trail]

if you really are studying water on such a deep level then what is the latent heat of fusion for water

[timber musk]

the definition or the value?

[wet owl]

Wonderful! @timber musk has just progressed to level 6!

[hollow trail]

Value

[timber musk]

its like 80 smthg

for numericals

[stiff pier]

Not what I’m studying but I think it’s 334kJ/kg

[timber musk]

yea 80 in cal

[hollow trail]

No

[hollow trail]

Correct