Incapable beings

[shrewd crest]

Infinitely, I see all sin in me,
Options too great to choose, a
Fragmented thought for self-abuse,
I lose me, walking a mile in your shoes,
‘Cause you know, I can't embody a
Body of love, lust n’ kindness.
Blindness, too blind to silence,
Foreign feelings, with no meanings,
Deceiving me, bleeding me, out of my
Mind, not mine, in these lines
Mind spiraling though, no time left,
A train wreck, inclined to decline,
A b-line: to sit b-side you, I would
Have to redefine — me, to see you
clearly, steer clear. Please truly

[shrewd harbor]

@shrewd crest has sent a notification! - @marble pumice

[heavy kraken]

AMAZING RHYTHM

[fluid chasm]

hmmmn some grammar errors

[shrewd crest]

oh sorry this is the old ver

let me fix

[verbal temple]

some strange cutting on your lines

[fluid chasm]

yea why leave the "a" at the end 😭

[shrewd crest]

it should be fixed

[shrewd crest]

my bad my bad i fixed it tho

[fluid chasm]

"i see all sin in me" is SO satisfying to say ✨

[verbal temple]

would even say it's powerul enough to give its own line

[shrewd crest]

i could have ryhmed it with synonyms

[stuck sentinel]

Wonderful! @shrewd crest has just progressed to level 5!

[verbal temple]

I'd argue that these are also strange cuts

[shrewd crest]

you need a pause for the rhythm

i cant embody a [pause] body of love

because a is a slant rhyme with of

@verbal temple

[fluid chasm]

theres gotta be a better way to say "cause you know" 😭 sorry that makes me cackle wjwjwj

[shrewd crest]

?

[fluid chasm]

"cause you know" sounds out of place to me

in the poem

[shrewd crest]

its like a break before the spiral

[marble pumice]

i really enjoy how it has a sort of calmed insanity feel to it man, good work

[shrewd crest]

thank you

[marble pumice]

thou art most welcome

[shrewd crest]

may thine blessings be many