#There is a sun I placed among the clouds

1 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

fervent locust
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I held the wind that brush past you,
And felt the chill of sudden grace.
Does it mean that we have hugged,
Across this wide and silent space?

I drank from stream at foot of a mountain,
Where snows at the peak had melted under your touch.
If water that cooled your hands is now a part of me,
Are we finally breathing in the same rhythm?

Across the vast heaven, I placed
A sun among the drifting clouds.
A star to hold our romantic world,
Shining only for you and me.

And when the velvet night descends,
I’ll scatter moonbeams on the sea.
A silver path for us to tread,
Where time is lost to eternity.

I spoke your name into the hollow of a canyon,
Just to hear the earth give it back to me.
If the rocks can remember the sound of you,
Then perhaps silence between us is just a conversation.
Waiting for the wind to turn.

Deep within each soul, a spirit dwells,
And you hold the essence of mine
Clutched firmly in your steady grasp,
A love that is yours to define.

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"Love is to be dying slowly in soul, 'cause how many times do you love just to be able to love?"

severe marsh
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Your imagery is really beautiful and emotional, I love the wind, moonlight, and canyon parts especially. I did notice though that the rhyme scheme and rhythm change throughout, so it sometimes feels a bit uneven when reading. Maybe you could either keep a consistent pattern or fully lean into free verse so it feels more intentional.💐

lavish kindle
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I lovee the feelings it gives me when I read it!! it's so nicee and beautifully emotional<33 keep it upp!!!

fervent locust
hushed forgeBOT
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*appreciate for

your feedback! I will work on

the rhythm. Thank you*