Need help on poem that eengages in stereotypes and acceptence

[shadow magnet]

Hi, me asian
Chang chong
Wing wong
Chan ching
Chin chang
Wing thang
Wong dong
I am wonton

[storm sail]

Uhhhhhh- how can i help???

[cunning anvil]

currently, the poem does not offer anything beyond the stereotype; is it challenging it? accepting it? consider revising some of the repetitive lines to reveal something about your identity that isn't commonly said.

[wooden imp]

Yeah what Jon said ^

Perhaps a contrast type poem? You say a stereotype line, and then write a line or three in contrast to the stereotype? Preferably something you do that goes against it? Then switch between the two. And maybe not just the mocking sounds like of racism, but maybe throw in some other stereotypes in there? Or if you're just doing acceptance, maybe have something at the end to indicate that you're just deal with it/accept it to appease others for survival? Or anything to show that you don't take pleasure in "accepting" these stereotypes

[shadow magnet]

the acceptence can be seen in the line "I am wonton"

[shadow magnet]

it is embracing vulnerability in acceptence. I got inspired from the early 2000s PS2 adverts

[sweet summit]

Sometimes merely retorting the dark does not show anything new about it. You drop 13 racial epithets and showed us nothing new or different light to see them in. What do they actually mean to you, what don’t they mean? There is beauty on how they do not define you, how those words are disconnected from who you are, but you don’t do that, you go on a spree of shouting epithets and just sit there offering nothing new, or any inner show of yourself. Show a friend that is Asian that and ask them what they think. I think they will tell you, you did not say anything to push the conversation forward you reinforced the stereotypes by using them.

I quickly rewrote this with the intent of giving a glimpse of the conversation.

—-

What do I see?
Me?
I’m Asian.
Am I Wing won?
No, Ching Chong?
Someone once said Wing thang
I told them to suck my Ding Dong
My mom said I was wan-ton?

[cunning anvil]

if that is your intention, sure; however, the poem does not read that way as there is no other context that develops your acceptance. the poem does not reflect the complexity of cultural identity, but rather reduces it to a single stereotype of "asian-sounding" words and food.

[shadow magnet]

I think the poem conveys itself by itself. Anything else would be overkill.

[shadow magnet]

yaeh, but I am writing about self acceptence. The self acceptence that they are a wonton

I think it conveys a fragile beauty

it is similar to this image

[shadow magnet]

btw, I got banned from the IBO discord server a few days agofor posting thtis poem. can you tell me the username of one of the modeerators/admins so I can create an appeal

ty

[sweet summit]

1. Rationalize less, consider people’s earnest words more. 2. Look up the word wanton.

[sweet summit]

What does that image say to you?

[cunning anvil]

to be blunt, when read without knowing your intention or who you are, this poem will be read as purely racist as it relies on stereotype and phonetic caricature against asians. this is evident by the response and feedback you've asked for. if you are accepting yourself as a "wonton", the poem has to answer "what is a wonton?" and instead, it relies on historically derogative language.

i do not know what the IBO server is, apologies

[shadow magnet]

it iis thhy internationa bacculerate server.

[shadow magnet]

yea, but isn't their a beauty in "I am wonton" similar to that of the ad that I've just shown

[subtle jacinth]

Hello, I’m a beta reader and editor open to working with authors. I provide thoughtful feedback on structure, pacing, and character development. Available for both short pieces and full manuscripts. Feel free to reach out.

[cunning anvil]

personally, i do not see any relation between your poem and the ad displayed. the ad represents freedom, bodily autonomy, and fragmentation. again, your only support of a wonton is western derogative language, when wontons historically represent rich culture, family, and prosperity. essentially, you are colonizing your poem.

i will say your structure and minimalism does align with the ad, but the substance and themes are misaligned.

[sweet summit]

No, it sounds like you have 0 wit, no intrigue and can’t even put together an interesting joke to burn yourself. To put it another way, it makes you look like a basic bit** who is racist against themselves. So no, it is not funny, interesting or contains some hidden meaning, you either internalized the racism, or are missing enough cards from your deck you don’t see what you are subjecting yourself to it.

[sweet summit]

No, and you are doing it wrong, you don’t understand what you’re trying to analyze or say well enough to retort it into another form, you are trying to do this. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Treachery_of_Images. Study what that does then let those brain cells fire. Art is not just urinating out whatever comes to your mind, that is not craft that’s trolling. you need to find the line that is on the appropriate side, I personally have debated reaching out to have your account banned because no only did you write a racist screed about asians you are currently trying to defend an absurd, bigoted point of view as containing an ounce of truth, depth or insight, as if there is some hidden meaning in it, there is is not.

[shadow magnet]

im not asian

I think you need to realize what real art is. search up 'children are the org**m of the world'. this is an example of the same type of poem that i am doing - prose. Also, there is a beauty in accepting reaality, similar to how people accept that they have autism etc, but aren't bound by it, nor bound to it by running away from it

it simply is

[cunning anvil]

i will do my best to give you the benefit of the doubt, assuming you have no ill intention here. your poem clearly states "me asian" and you are portraying such existence as racist caricature while "accepting" it as your own (when it is not). you state the poem seeks to find beauty in accepting reality, and yet that "reality" is subjective experience in which you have not lived in or nor can definitively understand. above everything else, the poem is inherently racist, even if you are not trying to be, and rather than acknowledging that your poem elicits offense (as proven by feedback presented here), you dismiss the claims and use "beauty and art" as an excuse. there is no such thing as "real" art: but if you crafted your art with purpose and intention, and public perception misses such intention, then it has failed. who are you to claim what part of asian identity should be accepted?

[shadow magnet]

I have asian friends. They justt don't like me back sadly. It makes me pretty sad ngl.

[shadow magnet]

I am myself. I know everything about everyone. I think the way that the girl flips backs her hair in the ps2 advert draws isolocolic parrellels between my poem: both exist as a way of demonstrating acceptence as a medium for happiness