Primitivism, A Diatribe

[neat storm]

Man was better off as an ape,
For evolution was our greatest mistake,
If I could go but back in time,
As surely as I scribe these rhymes,
I’d tell Homo Erectus, ‘TURN AROUND!
Please, I beg you, back to the ground!
Stop walking upright upon your hindfeet,
Walk on your knuckles! Your chest, beat!
This I say to you with great dread,
It’ll do you no good if you lift up your head!
Your upright walking is obscene!
It’ll cause all sorts of evils yet unseen!
The “progress” of mankind depends on you,
And this I proclaim, your walking—UNDO!’
But doubtless he’d not comprehend
Anything said on my end,
The conversation would be of but one side,
And thus pointless to in him confide,
So I’d turn around, and travel back to now—
For it would all be pointless, anyhow.

[hard nest]

this bleeds terry prachett or douglas adams and i love it, it reminds me very much of the douglas adams quote :
"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move"

[neat storm]

I basically wrote it to satirise the misanthropy of ideologies like anarcho-primitivism, by taking 'return to monke' literally.

[pallid pumice]

Wonderful! @neat storm has just progressed to level 1!

[neat storm]

I'm more of a Pratchett fan than an Adams fan-- I think The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy is a good parody of space opera cliches, but I dislike what I consider to be the nihilistic worldview implicit in Adams' writing. Whereas with Pratchett, I more greatly appreciate his writing both because I think he's funnier than Adams, and also because I far more appreciate the humanism of Pratchett's writing, as well as the real-world research which went into it.

Thank you for the comparison.

I'm rather proud of it.

[hard nest]

I've had the online handle "Rincewind" for 20 years so I think it's safe to say I'm a MASSIVE pratchett fan

I think in alot of ways Douglas Adams style was a product of the time he grew up in and wrote in post war and England then thatcher england, where pratchett was a little later to press in the more hopeful 90s and had the sort of social commentary that was honed over a career in Journalism, his use of prose was and still is quintessentially unique, reading his books always feels like a eccentric man in a pub telling a tall tale over his pint and pipe.

I agree with you entirely about the tone though , I'll take the quiet optimism in light of his belief in the stupidity of the masses but the general goodness of the individual of pratchett over the implications Adams seems to make that people are all stupid, selfish and Inept on average regardless of how primitive or advanced.

Sorry it's a bit of a sprawling stream of consciousness there but punctuation is for people who aren't walking their dog as they write.

[neat storm]

Fair.

[hard nest]

You should be, it made me laugh, you should consider submitting it to some publications or anthologies I think it would resonate throughout the malaise that is being human in 2026

[hard nest]

If you haven't read it you should read reaperman it deals with some similar themes in typical pratchett fashion with death being replaced by a combined harvester of souls

[neat storm]

I have. It was one of the first I physically read.