#Valentine's Day, 2026/Tribute to Aubrey

9 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

daring owl
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What would I do
When I think about you?
When you're so far away
And made my heart feel in dismay

What would you think of me,
When I'm not here for you to see
That I care so deeply
About you and your love completely

Let's not forget I'm in the Navy
The port visits might just be a "maybe"
Or a "probably not" or a "never"
That I might see you soon, ever.

However, let's also not forget the past
How we grew together so fast
How we first danced under the stars together
And our first kiss that we cherished forever

It was you and me against the world
When events flashed and time swirled
Into nothingness except us two
And I hope we make this day memorable for you and me too.

nova palm
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I like that this poem has a very clear and concise rhyme scheme, however at times the content/rhyme does feel either forced ("completely" "Navy" "and me too") or cliché ("cherished forever" "you and me against the world").

Furthermore, I personally don't understand the speaker asking a question unless they are going to answer it as well, unless to convey some sense of abandonment or neglect by the "other voice", the "you" of this piece.

Those are my personal takes, and some things I might change, but I enjoyed reading it altogether

daring owl
#

I try to make sense of the "lost feeling", like u mentioned about the abandonment part but I just couldn't find a way to get it down there

daring owl
tough bone
daring owl
tough bone
#

I’m not sure tbh