"Invisible"

[normal shuttle]

@west cliff

[normal shuttle]

@frosty monolith

i'd like some feedback, i feel like the rhythm is a bit off

[frosty monolith]

I like it a lot, but you're right about the rhythm
I think the bumps are in the second and third verses
With the second, i think it might be the syllable variances?
With the third, i think it's rhyme scheme
Really just needs touchups, imo, so keep working at it cause it's pretty good

[normal shuttle]

ya i really hate the third stanza

[normal shuttle]

alright thank you :)

[frosty monolith]

It has potential lol

[normal shuttle]

thanks

[west cliff]

HELLOO

its very good, i see a lot of potential in your writing, that comes with finding your voice

I do really like it and your way of expressing that invisibility is raw and pungent

well done my son

check out my new poem btw

teehee

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